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Ladies and Gentlemen!

The weekend of August 14th in Washington D.C, the nation's capital, I will have the chance to walk in my forefather's footsteps and fight against tyranny, oppression, and evil. The Nova Open, hosted by Mike Brandt has officially been registered by both Stelek from Yes the Truth Hurts and Black Blow Fly from...everywhere. Friday night before the tournament he's hosting "Celebrity death matches" where 40k personalities get matched up in spectated, podcasted games. There are two people I want to fight, for completely different reasons.


1. Stelek. It started with his editorial Orks Really Suck and his venomous dismissal of any contrary opinion. It escalated with him writing an article about me and why I suck, why my orks suck, and why I'm not competitive when I stood up to champion Ork players everywhere and lay forth a challenge that orks not only DON'T suck, but that I would happily whip him with my orks. Some folks linked me to his blog, noting that there was an article about me, and I responded - he cut the response and made a whole new "Lets Bash on Dashofpepper" article titled Emo Ranting. And he did the same with with my last attempt at communication in that thread, with another article about how I was butt-hurt. In short, here's a guy who is an arm-chair general, is dismissive of my favorite army, rants across the internet about what a piece of crap I am, how crappy my list is, how crappy orks are, how every event I've ever played in is uncompetitive (like the SoCal Slaughter in Space GT) but is unwilling to back up his tremendous bile with action. Dude has a rabid following of people who hang on his every word as if he were the holy guru of 40k, and my open challenge to he and his followers of "Anytime, anywhere" has been answered repeatedly by his fanbois, who have been unilaterally decimated, humiliated, and beaten down by me, usually in front of a crowd. These games usually happen on Vassal (online) since this is a big country we live in, and like ego-bruised megalomaniacs everywhere, the only solution these people have come up with is that I "obviously have internet dice hacks."

And now....after unanswered challenges, the basement blogger that we all know and love to despise has been coaxed out of his basement to attend the Nova Open! Honor, duty, obligation, pride, sense of justice....all these things compel me to do my best to publicly humiliate him with my orks. I can't go so far to say that I *will* humiliate him with my orks, because he could be as good as he claims. But I believe that good triumphs over evil, and that fate will step in insure my success.



2. And then we have Black Blow Fly. He has no contrary opinions about the army I play. I don't even know what he plays. Instead, its personal. He's been on a crusade across the internet to spread hate about me. People can dislike me, its a fact of life. Going too far is when you compile a list of all the people you've met and spoken to and say "And they hate you too." Especially when you start asking the people on the list and they're like, "Uh..no, I didn't say that." Spreading unfounded rumors that I'm a Rampant Cheater and everyone knows it....well, enough said. This is the only person I have on ignore on Dakka, and I did so because Frazzled ordered me to. In fact, I PMed him asking for permission to write this thread before I did. I dislike people starting drama, especially about me, and doing their best to poison other people against me is simply intolerable.

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Those are my two options, and I want a death match against both. I don't honestly believe that beating either will accomplish anything. If I beat Stelek, he's got a series of "I let him win" excuses that he saves for losing, and if I beat BBF, he's got "Everyone knows that he cheats and he cheated against me too" fictions to lay out. Guess I need to come up with some too in case I lose!

Those are my two options; one for the pride and advancement of my entire race, one for personal pride. Hulksmash is coming from California and I respect his 40k prowess; I might see if he can get matched up against the one I don't play at the same time. If we both win, fething faeries and unicorns might actually rush into the grimdark and cause instant universal celebration.

((I did not write this!))

The Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K


A big Hive Tyrant was hopping around

Armageddon like a big playground

When High Marshall Helbrecht showed up in a run

And shot the 'Nid with a combi-meltagun

The Tyrant got pissed and loomed so large

But didn't expect Khârn would block his charge

Who proceeded to open up a can of Khorne Fu

When Lelith Hesperax came out of the blue

And she started beating up Khârn the Betrayer

Then they got Tank Shocked by Helbrecht's Land Raider

But before it start shooting up the room

A Necron Lord popped out of his tomb

And blew away the Raider with a Staff of Light

And as the Lord waded into the fight

He started to experience a world of pain

From a newly risen Avatar of Khaine

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, and lots more on the way

And only one will survive, who will it be? I can't say

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

The Tyrant shot it's venom cannon at the Avatar

But the shot fell short, he was just too far

And Khârn raised Gorechild over his head

To face Celestine, back from the dead

And Helbrecht was flourishing the High Marshal Sword

In order to duel the Necron Lord

And the Lord almost won, but then everybody saw

Commissar Yarrick took him out with his claw

When he saw Ghazghkull stomping up from behind

He reached for his storm bolter, which he just couldn't find

'Cause Shadowsun stole it and she shot and she missed

And Helbrecht blocked it with his bionic fist

Then Brother-Captain Stern and a bunch of Grey Knights

Teleported in with a show of pretty lights

And they would have started fighting, but that became hard

When they were surrounded by the Hive Tyrant's Guard

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, and lots more on the way

And only one will survive, who will it be? I can't say

This is the Ultimate Showdown...

Angels sang out, and all looked to find

The Immortal God-Emperor of Mankind

Had finally risen from the Golden Throne

And now at full power, he was looking to Pwn

So Khârn called for backup, from the Chaos fleet

And Abaddon showed up, not missing a beat

With Typhus and Lucius and Ahriman too,

He aimed to beat the Emperor black and blue

But Leman Russ and Corax showed up a bit late

With Usarkar Creed and the Cadian Eighth

Plus the Nightbringer and the Deceiver

Aun'Va and O'Shovah with his Dawn Blade cleaver

Drazhar, Nazdreg, and a Grot horde

Prince Yriel and every Phoenix Lord

The Last Chancers, lead by Colonel Schaffer

Old One Eye (Not Yarrick!), and the Red Terror

All came out of nowhere lightning fast

Armed to the teeth and looking to kick some ass

The power unleashed sent the planet to hell

Exterminatus never worked so well

The battle raged on for a century

The galaxy burned, but eventually

The champion stood amidst all the gore

An Eldar Bonesinger from Dawn of War

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, and lots more on the way

And only one will survive, who will it be? I can't say

This is the Ultimate Showdown...

This is the Ultimate Showdown...

This is the Ultimate Showdown...of Warhammer 40K

you know........................................... your playing with toy soldiers......... its getting old.

Just plan on facing off against BBF.

Stelek probably wont be interested in a grudge match. I dont think he does that sort of thing anymore after Marc Parker hooked him up with a loss in one.

I'm sure beating someone at a game of toy soldiers will make them stop being mean to you.

I know your trying to angle a fun slant on this battle for your models on some level. But I find settling grievances with someone over a few drinks in a bar tends to work wonders.

Awwww, and I was hoping I was on your list, something aobut Cpt Morgan in my flask.........

But I'm not enough of a 'celebrity' anyways.

Deadshane1 wrote:Just plan on facing off against BBF.

Stelek probably wont be interested in a grudge match. I dont think he does that sort of thing anymore after Marc Parker hooked him up with a loss in one.

Thats a shame, but not unexpected if true. I was looking forward to a batrep with pics.

On the positive after gaming this may shutdown the BBF/DP stuff. Often people become friendly with gaming.

Lets keep this polite guys. Its supposed to be a "who should I challenge for the Prvolone Beatdown Thread" in the spirit that this really is toy soldiers.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

don_mondo wrote:Awwww, and I was hoping I was on your list, something aobut Cpt Morgan in my flask.........

But I'm not enough of a 'celebrity' anyways.

Are you playing there Mondo? I always wanted to meet the Mondster.

Yes, I'll be there, all signed up on the 40K side. Planning on attending Friday night as well, for fun and games.

We need pics then.

Mondo....if I'm able to play on Friday maybe we should do a IFL vs. WC game!

I would find that more interesting than so & so vs whoever because they hate each other. At least we wont have to strangle each other before/during/after our match!

Isnt that worth at least a little blurb on the podcast?

Azezel wrote:((I did not write this!))

The Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

.....

Somebody PLEASE make a video of this!

Deadshane1 wrote:Mondo....if I'm able to play on Friday maybe we should do a IFL vs. WC game!

I would find that more interesting than so & so vs whoever because they hate each other. At least we wont have to strangle each other before/during/after our match!

Isnt that worth at least a little blurb on the podcast?

Pics or it didn't happen Deady. Pics of you two drunk and passed out in a ditch however...Priceless

"Celebrity"

That's a pretty 'ambitious' word.

It's meant with a bit too much dry humor, I imagine. We're talking 40k here, after all.

I should caveat that I'm not going to pit two "internet tough guys" who actively hate each other on a personal level up against each other the night before a national GT, on live radio podcast.

"Celebrity Deathmatch" is also much less difficult to say than "Live podcast matches between well known, well-read, or well-written bloggers, forum whores, and tournament gamers"

I was gunna vote but there not enuff room here due to the giant ego running amuck...

Da Orks'z need dere onor back. you need ta stom dat Stalak git flat and den stomp him som more.

I'm actually surprised the mods continue to allow posts like this being made tbh, its a whole lot of e-penis waving and provoking. FOR GOD SAKES CAN'T YOU ALL JUST IGNORE EACH OTHER?

Sergeant Horse wrote:I'm actually surprised the mods continue to allow posts like this being made tbh, its a whole lot of e-penis waving and provoking. FOR GOD SAKES CAN'T YOU ALL JUST IGNORE EACH OTHER?

I don't mind a "hey lets fight!" thread if its kept good naturely.

I wouldn't read that the OP as good natured, it looks to me like bad mouthing the other two people (not that it worries me much tbh, all I've seen from their various blogs was also e-penis waving ) but it looks bad for Dakka for people to constantly have to read stuff like this. I know it puts me off visiting the site.

Dash may have made it clear that he isn't a fan of Stelek or BBF but he hasn't made any personal or insulting comments about either of them.

Back on topic:
I think a game with Stelek would be more useful as your problems with each other are based on 40k so by playing each other you can prove who is better. I don't think a game between you and BBF is really going to do anything other than make you dislike each other more.

Unfortunately there is a good chance that Stelek will come up with some excuse not to show, which is a shame as I would love to see him loose.

This thread seems to be going nice and peaceful thus far.

Where's the need for locking?

Deadshane1 wrote:Mondo....if I'm able to play on Friday maybe we should do a IFL vs. WC game!

I would find that more interesting than so & so vs whoever because they hate each other. At least we wont have to strangle each other before/during/after our match!

Isnt that worth at least a little blurb on the podcast?

Hmmm, how many WC members are attending?

4M2A wrote:Dash may have made it clear that he isn't a fan of Stelek or BBF but he hasn't made any personal or insulting comments about either of them.

Back on topic:
I think a game with Stelek would be more useful as your problems with each other are based on 40k so by playing each other you can prove who is better. I don't think a game between you and BBF is really going to do anything other than make you dislike each other more.

Unfortunately there is a good chance that Stelek will come up with some excuse not to show, which is a shame as I would love to see him loose.

Stelek will be there and is playing in the Friday nighter. I'm not going to pair off BBF and Dash, b/c of the reasons stated.

Again, we'll go with as intriguing a set of match-ups as we can, and it'll be live podcast, but we're not going to do anything that will promote an unhealthy / unhappy atmosphere at the tournament. So, ya.

Go Dash go, kick some ! Then his with your ork . And give him one from me! Orkses rule!

So who do I get to play MVB? I'm gonna be getting into town friday morning so I'll definitely be there for the evening rumble. Granted I will probably have "happy hands" as my wife puts it due to alcohol which will only make it more fun for whoever I play

I'm just gonna assume I get to play some of the allstars during the tournament. Assuming I don't crap out and lose game 1

Lord of battles wrote:

Azezel wrote:((I did not write this!))

The Ultimate Showdown of Warhammer 40K

.....

Somebody PLEASE make a video of this!

In the works.

I voted BBF because I doubt Stelek will be there, but whomever you get to play, I hope you can all have fun, roll dice, and shake hands afterwards. A single game of 40K doesn't prove anything, but might at least be cathartic. Not that I don't think you don't have a right to defend yourself and your views on 40K, orks, or whatever, but this internet drama over a toy soldier game is pretty ridiculous, and I hope to have more battle reports and tactics than these personal attacks going back and forth.

As an aside, I would enjoy seeing/reading about your orks in action against Stelek, given his excessive bile over them. While I agree with some of his points and often find myself annoyed by some limits of the codex, they are hardly as hopeless as he makes them appear, and you are as good as any to at least give him a spirited showing, if not beatdown.

Stelek's going to be there. Though I'm not sure he's going to accepting challenges outside of the tournament itself due to his view of past experiences. Personally I can understand since he's painted himself into a no-win situation. I'd be happy to have a beer and a game with him but I don'ts take my little toy soldiers to seriously.

I'm an E-unech. I seem to have misplaced or lost my massive e-peen.......where did I put that thing.....

don_mondo wrote:Awwww, and I was hoping I was on your list, something aobut Cpt Morgan in my flask.........

But I'm not enough of a 'celebrity' anyways.

Dont worry about it... just like these guys you too can be a celebrity in your own mind! All it takes is a few years of building yourself up by spouting off on forums, and all of a sudden you are an expert in your field.

oni wrote:"Celebrity"

That's a pretty 'ambitious' word.

Its HUGE, son.

Sergeant Horse wrote:I'm actually surprised the mods continue to allow posts like this being made tbh, its a whole lot of e-penis waving and provoking. FOR GOD SAKES CAN'T YOU ALL JUST IGNORE EACH OTHER?

IGNORE??1!?!? never! This is the INTERNETZ!11!

ahem.

Sorry.

See, you just get caught up in it. Arent we all so important.

Anyways, to the OP, no one really cares but you. Go get em tiger.