My Space Marine Legion and history read a tell if good or not or sounds togood or offendsl people

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**children of filth**

I say do whatever you want. everyone else is forgetting that this is a FICTIONAL GAME. you can say your marines do whatever you want, call them whatever you want and make them however you want. so go ahead, i'll be watching this with interest

.

**yoco3o**

children of filth wrote:I say do whatever you want. everyone else is forgetting that this is a FICTIONAL GAME. you can say your marines do whatever you want, call them whatever you want and make them however you want. so go ahead, i'll be watching this with interest .

exactly

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basicly they recruit and clone there marines think that there as big as ultramarines 250,000 then clon every one once 500,000 then clone then 1 time 1,000,000 there you have it its pretty easy to under stand and they mayhave been big but they lost all of there recriuting and cloning and half of ariginol legion...so see they arnt ass pimt as you think

**Emperors Faithful**

In that case:

My Spes Marin chpter is totally actually a guradsman regement who are expirirminted on by by enginseeers. The make them super strong and they grow shinny armor. They are da bestest and der is billyunz of dem. Dey seved da whole uneverse by waken the emperah with a kiss.

Your posts are barely readable.
Remember, Grammar Kitteh is watching...

**yoco3o**

sorry im realy bad at spelling and grammer im only 13

**Emperors Faithful**

What is the age that kids are taught about full-stops and capital letters?

**yoco3o**

i dont know i must have not lurnt it lol no in truth im just a lazy slacker thats to impationt to check but im realy bad at spellingf though but about grammer im just a lazy slacker

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i dont toch tipe ether

**children of filth**

Use Firefox. I don't touch type either, and don't make many spelling errors anyway, but it does help.

**ComputerGeek01**

First I want to say that I hope you're paying Dark Lord Seanron in cash, because that re-write was a masterpiece of salvage.

The numbers thing bothers me (because you're 13 I'll ignore the grammar), but not to the same point as others. When you said that they numbered in one million I immediately became skeptical, but then I thought of the Alpha Legion. Why not have an IG army seconded to a SM chapter\legion like they did in the days of Horus? Where each IG grunt is fighting like like a mad hornet to prove himself fit enough to be an ultra elite SM? This opens the door to show a monarch style class system which is very insect-y. And it would also remove your Primarch from his hive socially because in this kind of society no one would even think of starting a lodge. The pressure builds and with EVERYONE taking his word as law even a primarch would crack.

Fluffwise when we relate something to insects we think enemies being overwhelmed with bodies which is not very space marine-y. But a chapter that treats its new recruits as cannon fodder that need to prove themselves rather then children that need to be protected if very unique and fits this image.

IDEA FOR UNIQUE UNIT: Your army cannot take Dreadnaughts because that honor is only reserved for the highest most ranking individuals, everyone else is disposable. So instead you get to take a pumped up Dread as an HQ?

I give my posts aprox. 5 mins of thought so don't think I'm trying to trump you or over write whay you have.

**Asherian Command**

just to tell you i have heard of this before it is the cloning part well the raven guard did that too unsuccessfully and so did the emperors childern which they did successfully so to me this is really hard to get...

Not saying anything bad its just I've seen alot of this in lore.

**yoco3o**

ComputerGeek01 wrote:First I want to say that I hope you're paying Dark Lord Seanron in cash, because that re-write was a masterpiece of salvage.

The numbers thing bothers me (because you're 13 I'll ignore the grammar), but not to the same point as others. When you said that they numbered in one million I immediately became skeptical, but then I thought of the Alpha Legion. Why not have an IG army seconded to a SM chapter\legion like they did in the days of Horus? Where each IG grunt is fighting like like a mad hornet to prove himself fit enough to be an ultra elite SM? This opens the door to show a monarch style class system which is very insect-y. And it would also remove your Primarch from his hive socially because in this kind of society no one would even think of starting a lodge. The pressure builds and with EVERYONE taking his word as law even a primarch would crack.

Fluffwise when we relate something to insects we think enemies being overwhelmed with bodies which is not very space marine-y. But a chapter that treats its new recruits as cannon fodder that need to prove themselves rather then children that need to be protected if very unique and fits this image.

IDEA FOR UNIQUE UNIT: Your army cannot take Dreadnaughts because that honor is only reserved for the highest most ranking individuals, everyone else is disposable. So instead you get to take a pumped up Dread as an HQ?

I give my posts aprox. 5 mins of thought so don't think I'm trying to trump you or over write whay you have.

no i did not pay Dark Lord Seanron anything i probebly should have but i only get 9 dollers a week and i use all of it for 40k

well basicly hes sposed to go mad with power BUT this is a good idea but i want my marines to take unberable loses there sposed too...hummmmmmmmmmmmmm...ok i think i need to and these things in too but keep these kind of comments comming i think this is the most helpful yet

ill keep thinking about it

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and by the way they at the moment in 41 there in a BIG hive ship that travles all over the imperium helping in battles

just something to keep in mind when you post

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children of filth wrote:Use Firefox. I don't touch type either, and don't make many spelling errors anyway, but it does help.

ok how old are you just wondering when your spose to lern toch tipeing in school

**yoco3o**

Emperors Faithful wrote:I'm not sure you're going to attract the best attention by claiming that your guys belong to a whole Legion. You should probably make them a chapter of one of the foundings. (maybe 2nd as a lot of records pertaining the father legions were lost at that time.) It's just that the whole cool thing about the unkown legions is that they were unknown, as was thier fate. And that a lost legion were basically hornet marines?

I dunno know, mate. This backround just seems a bit...'out there'.

Emperors Faithful wrote:Uhuh. Winged guy is canon. Space puppeh werewolf is canon. But how exactly are hornet marines canon?

It's fine to claim that you're guys are a chapter...perhaps even descended from one of the lost legions (you'd need a good, no nosense storyline to make that work). However, claiming that your guys ARE a whole legion is a bit much.

You can claim to be any chapter becuase there are thousands of them. However, there were only two lost legions. (BTW, if the Imperium had another legion at the ready they would be winning pretty easily.)

metallifan wrote:I -think- (it's really hard to make sense of your posts) you're saying there're still 2 Legions in existance.

This is not true. There are no Loyalist Legions in existance anymore. They've been divided up into Chapters. One Legion may well be a full Traitor Legion of 10,000 Marines, but there isn't even one whole Loyalist Legion in existance. It is assumed, however, that at least a portion of both Legions turned Traitor or suffered some worse fate.

In the HH books, there is a scene in which Rogal Dorn discusses the two lost Legions. The exchange that supports this goes something like "It would've been two more" to which the reply of "They are lost to us now" was given, implying that something happened to the bulk of those two Legions, though there may have been enough brethren left over from whatever disaster befell them to make at least a few Chapters after the Heresy.

So EF is right in that a whole Legion of bee-marines isn't fluffy, because there are NO Legions left in the service of the Imperium, and claiming that your Chapter is the Parent Chapter (Aka previously a Legion) would raise a lot of hackles. However, that's not to say that you can't claim they're a Chapter created from one of the missing Legions, as he also suggested.

As well, the Legion was a MILLION strong at one point? Sorry, but there's far fetched, and then there's throwing the ball clear out of the park. 12,000 would be a good, solid "Prime Strength" number, but considering every Legion had, at a peak, roughly 15K Marines, give or take a few hundred or thousand, one million in one Legion is blowing fluff utterly out the window.

So the error of being a Legion, and their (excessively unbelievable) numbers through history, aside, the only other issue I have is with their Lord's name. "Blurness Hurr" just makes me want to say it in that stereotypical brain bamage voice. It's just a really silly name IMHO, and not exactly one that I'd want to remember as my leader if I were one of these guys. I would consider asking about alternative names, because 'Blurness Hurr' will probably make these guys get a tad snorted at.

Asherian Command wrote:Well i have to say the lore is not that bad. The Largest Legion was the Ultramarines and that was 250,000. Sry guy above me your wrong on some parts. But still I have to say this to this legion, Names are everything in this game.

For Instance you cannot name a Land Raider Pink Delicous (Even though that would be the best tank ever) and give it complete bad ass history. In 40k really bad chapters are called Tratiors look at the RainBow Warriors what happened to them? Well they were wiped out for having a symbol of a unicorn. (THEY DO EXIST!)

Plus the chapter needs to have a reasons why it has not turned traitor. Other Wise this chapter/legion is great. But Lower your numbers to at least below 150,000 because 1 million is beyond large that is pretty much 4x times bigger than the ultramarines legions and they were the largest legion.
The Smallest legion was the Salamanders 10,000. The Usual amount is around 100,000. But considering the hersey that number jumped down to 20,000 for most chapters. But except in the case of the Imperail fists who had 20,000 but then jumped down to 2,500.

You can see the massive steps it has taken for any space marine legion to even rebuild after the hersey. It is a good thing that the legions were broken up, but also a bad thing. Very few chapters do not follow the codex astrates that includes my Chapter,
But still improve on history.

ComputerGeek01 wrote:First I want to say that I hope you're paying Dark Lord Seanron in cash, because that re-write was a masterpiece of salvage.

The numbers thing bothers me (because you're 13 I'll ignore the grammar), but not to the same point as others. When you said that they numbered in one million I immediately became skeptical, but then I thought of the Alpha Legion. Why not have an IG army seconded to a SM chapter\legion like they did in the days of Horus? Where each IG grunt is fighting like like a mad hornet to prove himself fit enough to be an ultra elite SM? This opens the door to show a monarch style class system which is very insect-y. And it would also remove your Primarch from his hive socially because in this kind of society no one would even think of starting a lodge. The pressure builds and with EVERYONE taking his word as law even a primarch would crack.

Fluffwise when we relate something to insects we think enemies being overwhelmed with bodies which is not very space marine-y. But a chapter that treats its new recruits as cannon fodder that need to prove themselves rather then children that need to be protected if very unique and fits this image.

IDEA FOR UNIQUE UNIT: Your army cannot take Dreadnaughts because that honor is only reserved for the highest most ranking individuals, everyone else is disposable. So instead you get to take a pumped up Dread as an HQ?

I give my posts aprox. 5 mins of thought so don't think I'm trying to trump you or over write whay you have.

Ok all of thos say the same thing (exept for that last one that one had good advice) well there saying:

1.That my space marines are one of the "lost" legion.
2.How many space marine there are in my Legion/chapter.
3.My legions/chapters Primarchs name.

ok

**Dark Lord Seanron**

Actually, could I possibly request from e' Moderatoro's that this thread be shifted to Dakka Fiction, see's more appropriate ^^

**Strudel110**

My suggestion is lots of jump-packs. This is an interesting idea, since they clone so many there should be some sort of flaw in the gene-seed like a short lifespan or something. If you would post in my Imperial Gaurd thread I need ideas too. here is the link. http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/266551.page

**metallifan**

yoco3o wrote:Ok all of thos say the same thing (exept for that last one that one had good advice)

In otherwords... Unless it's exactly what you WANT to hear, it's not good advice?

If that's the case, then all I simply have to say is wow. Just wow.

**yoco3o**

yoco3o wrote:
Emperors Faithful wrote:I'm not sure you're going to attract the best attention by claiming that your guys belong to a whole Legion. You should probably make them a chapter of one of the foundings. (maybe 2nd as a lot of records pertaining the father legions were lost at that time.) It's just that the whole cool thing about the unkown legions is that they were unknown, as was thier fate. And that a lost legion were basically hornet marines?

I dunno know, mate. This backround just seems a bit...'out there'.

Emperors Faithful wrote:Uhuh. Winged guy is canon. Space puppeh werewolf is canon. But how exactly are hornet marines canon?

It's fine to claim that you're guys are a chapter...perhaps even descended from one of the lost legions (you'd need a good, no nosense storyline to make that work). However, claiming that your guys ARE a whole legion is a bit much.

You can claim to be any chapter becuase there are thousands of them. However, there were only two lost legions. (BTW, if the Imperium had another legion at the ready they would be winning pretty easily.)

metallifan wrote:I -think- (it's really hard to make sense of your posts) you're saying there're still 2 Legions in existance.

This is not true. There are no Loyalist Legions in existance anymore. They've been divided up into Chapters. One Legion may well be a full Traitor Legion of 10,000 Marines, but there isn't even one whole Loyalist Legion in existance. It is assumed, however, that at least a portion of both Legions turned Traitor or suffered some worse fate.

In the HH books, there is a scene in which Rogal Dorn discusses the two lost Legions. The exchange that supports this goes something like "It would've been two more" to which the reply of "They are lost to us now" was given, implying that something happened to the bulk of those two Legions, though there may have been enough brethren left over from whatever disaster befell them to make at least a few Chapters after the Heresy.

So EF is right in that a whole Legion of bee-marines isn't fluffy, because there are NO Legions left in the service of the Imperium, and claiming that your Chapter is the Parent Chapter (Aka previously a Legion) would raise a lot of hackles. However, that's not to say that you can't claim they're a Chapter created from one of the missing Legions, as he also suggested.

As well, the Legion was a MILLION strong at one point? Sorry, but there's far fetched, and then there's throwing the ball clear out of the park. 12,000 would be a good, solid "Prime Strength" number, but considering every Legion had, at a peak, roughly 15K Marines, give or take a few hundred or thousand, one million in one Legion is blowing fluff utterly out the window.

So the error of being a Legion, and their (excessively unbelievable) numbers through history, aside, the only other issue I have is with their Lord's name. "Blurness Hurr" just makes me want to say it in that stereotypical brain bamage voice. It's just a really silly name IMHO, and not exactly one that I'd want to remember as my leader if I were one of these guys. I would consider asking about alternative names, because 'Blurness Hurr' will probably make these guys get a tad snorted at.

Asherian Command wrote:Well i have to say the lore is not that bad. The Largest Legion was the Ultramarines and that was 250,000. Sry guy above me your wrong on some parts. But still I have to say this to this legion, Names are everything in this game.

For Instance you cannot name a Land Raider Pink Delicous (Even though that would be the best tank ever) and give it complete bad ass history. In 40k really bad chapters are called Tratiors look at the RainBow Warriors what happened to them? Well they were wiped out for having a symbol of a unicorn. (THEY DO EXIST!)

Plus the chapter needs to have a reasons why it has not turned traitor. Other Wise this chapter/legion is great. But Lower your numbers to at least below 150,000 because 1 million is beyond large that is pretty much 4x times bigger than the ultramarines legions and they were the largest legion.
The Smallest legion was the Salamanders 10,000. The Usual amount is around 100,000. But considering the hersey that number jumped down to 20,000 for most chapters. But except in the case of the Imperail fists who had 20,000 but then jumped down to 2,500.

You can see the massive steps it has taken for any space marine legion to even rebuild after the hersey. It is a good thing that the legions were broken up, but also a bad thing. Very few chapters do not follow the codex astrates that includes my Chapter,
But still improve on history.

ComputerGeek01 wrote:First I want to say that I hope you're paying Dark Lord Seanron in cash, because that re-write was a masterpiece of salvage.

The numbers thing bothers me (because you're 13 I'll ignore the grammar), but not to the same point as others. When you said that they numbered in one million I immediately became skeptical, but then I thought of the Alpha Legion. Why not have an IG army seconded to a SM chapter\legion like they did in the days of Horus? Where each IG grunt is fighting like like a mad hornet to prove himself fit enough to be an ultra elite SM? This opens the door to show a monarch style class system which is very insect-y. And it would also remove your Primarch from his hive socially because in this kind of society no one would even think of starting a lodge. The pressure builds and with EVERYONE taking his word as law even a primarch would crack.

Fluffwise when we relate something to insects we think enemies being overwhelmed with bodies which is not very space marine-y. But a chapter that treats its new recruits as cannon fodder that need to prove themselves rather then children that need to be protected if very unique and fits this image.

IDEA FOR UNIQUE UNIT: Your army cannot take Dreadnaughts because that honor is only reserved for the highest most ranking individuals, everyone else is disposable. So instead you get to take a pumped up Dread as an HQ?

I give my posts aprox. 5 mins of thought so don't think I'm trying to trump you or over write whay you have.

Ok all of thos say the same thing (exept for that last one that one had good advice) well there saying that the facts about:

1.That my space marines are one of the "lost" legion.
2.How many space marine there are in my Legion/chapter.
3.My legions/chapters Primarchs name.

ok

no im just saying everyone is saying the same thing and i do need to chang it but i dont need people to keep saying the same thing

heres my answer for number one theres no way we will be able to fix that unless we could get the guy that wrote the space marine codex...

for number two i think your right there are to many space marines in my legion and im going to do wat computergeek01 said to do with IG

for the last one is also true and i would like ideas for his name all i know is hius first name starts with B and the last one startes with H

...and some people think that im saying that know in 41 my space marines are still in a legion but there not the became a chapter

most of these questins are going to be answered i just need to hurry up and finish it

**Seth**

Not bad. Needs some work though.

**Ennkay**

Ok all of thos say the same thing (exept for that last one that one had good advice) well there saying that the facts about:

1.That my space marines are one of the "lost" legion.
2.How many space marine there are in my Legion/chapter.
3.My legions/chapters Primarchs name.

ok

no i’m just sayin' you lot iz sayin' da same fing; an' i do need to chang it but i dont need boyz to keep sayin' the same fing

now listen up you lot. 'eres me answer: fer number one deres no way we will be able to fix dat 'less we could get da brain boyz dat wrote da marine-boyz codex...

fer number two i fink youse right dere iz to many marine-boyz in me Waaaaagh! and i’m gonna do wat computergeek01 says to do with da humies fer da last bit is also true an' i would like idears for 'is name all i know is dat boyz first name starts wif B an da last bit startes wif H

...an' some boyz fink dat i’m saying dat know in 41 me marine-boyz 're still in a Waaaaaagh! but dere not da became a chapta
most o' dese questins iz gonna be answered i just need to hurry up'and finish it

How about using something like Benito Hussolini and trying to make them Italian bees or something of the sort. Ultramarines are a buncha frenchmen after all!

**yoco3o**

he he he funny im da ork boss

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i need to know how many Ig is in one army regement

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heres some name options
i reserched and found theses out

Beaman-Bee Keeper
Bronislav-Weapon,Glorious one
Badrick-Axe ruler
Balder-Bold leader

and for the last name i like Hurr but if not theres

Herrick-Army ruler

**metallifan**

yoco3o wrote:heres my answer for number one theres no way we will be able to fix that unless we could get the guy that wrote the space marine codex...

I didn't write the Codex, and I can think of how to fix that easily:

Say that they're one of the Chapters founded from the unknown Legions, instead of saying they ARE one of the unknown Legions.

Problem solved. Do with it as you see fit. Perfectly valid solution though, and doesn't require much in terms of change.

For your names - Try and think of a theme to keep them all to. Legions generally have one or two consistent cultures to the names of their Captains and other leaders. Ultramarines, for example, have French and Latin names. Black Templars often have Germanic names. Imperial Fists have a lot of Greek names. Salamanders seem fond of Tribal names, while White Scars have a very Mongol/Eastern Steppes sound to theirs.

I like Bronislav - Off the top of my head I can't think of any Chapters that have Captains/Heroes with Russio-Slavic names.

Badrick would be good, though "Boderick" would sound smoother in pronunciation.

Personally though, I would go with a Slavic theme, and just drop the "All B names" requirement. That's just slathering on excess cheese, and it really kind of kills the immersion and serious feel of this army.

Plus, I've never seen a Space Marine named Vladimir, so you'd be doing a first there, at least as far as I'm concerned

As far as the size of an IG Regiment, it really varies. A Regiment on one world might be a few hundred, while a Regiment on another might be 5000 men or more. I doubt any IG Regiment would carry any more than 10,000 though, considering you'd need a godly Logistics operation to coordinate multiple regiments of as many on a battlefield.

And "Bee Keeper" just sounds too pansy and fragile for a Chapter Rank. The Captain, or whomever would be so unfortunate as to hold that position, would likely hate the rest of his existance until the day he died. Remember, Space Marines are Bald, Screaming, and Angry. All the time. Their ranks should reflect that

**MOMUS**

i read the first post a couple of times and skim read most of the newer stuff
i think the 2 lost legions got corrupted in some way -its hinted that they could/should of been warnings (in HH)- as marines are thought to be perfect at the time
really enjoyed reading someones first go at fluff
im sure when the others first started out the fluff THEY wrote wasnt perfect
i remember when i started, spell check hadnt been invented yet! My school had 1 computer
cant wait to find out what happens next
with regards to ranks:
just 'keeper' = captain
and other bee/human related stuff

or names like:
Andrenidae = chapter master
Colletidae = captain
Halictidae = vet
Apidae = sargent

i like the idea of slavic name but was wondering about names like 'Apis mellifera' -honey bee.

oh and also imperial fists, Chapter Master: Vladimir Pugh

**IvanTih**

I'm a Slavic so I could give you some names if you wish.
Names:Brunoslav,Mihael,Goran etc...

**metallifan**

MOMUS wrote:oh and also imperial fists, Chapter Master: Vladimir Pugh

D'OH! I used to be a Black Templars player back in the days of Codex: Armageddon too! How the heck did I miss that?

Still, one in how many?

**yoco3o**

ok i need to work on my chapter so im going to get to and do another post when i finish

**yoco3o**

now that i look at it it dose go every where its my way of thjuinking i guess

**metallifan**

So follow all the advice given and reconsider your fluff. Or, do some homework on an obscure Chapter that no one plays (Such as the Space Sharks, for example) and play one of those instead.

**alexwars1**

Okay, the fluff is alright, though needing a few improvements (cant think of anything that hasn't already been said.), but really.

Type. Your. Damn. Words. CAREFULLY!

Really! It makes your posts so much easier to read, and people are more likely to take you seriously if your not typing like a five year old.

**metallifan**

alexwars1 wrote:Type. Your. Damn. Words. CAREFULLY!

Really! It makes your posts so much easier to read, and people are more likely to take you seriously if your not typing like a five year old.

This.

+1

Would make helping you infinately easier.

**TheCadianParatrooper**

Seems neat but the typing errors confused me listen i understand your 13 and even thought i think you should be able to spell either way when you type on dakka if you miss spell the word then it will be underlined in read what you do when that happens is right click it then move the arrow up to the correct spelling and click and KABAMM no more spelling errors