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And? I can be thinking of noble, green-skinned Orcs who have recovered from being dominated by a demonic force for the next hundred years, but that won't make it any less generic.

...that sounds like warcraft?...Then again, you can't get any more generic then that.

I say pull a BP and put a cap on it. If you want these ideas to be taken seriously at all, close the blog and work on developing this stuff to be less silly. Names like "Shinobians" are really ridiculous, and there really doesn't seem to be anything new that this brings to the table.

ok. fine then. I'll just put it this way. I'm good with stats but not fluff. If any of you could help with fluff I'd appreciate that.

jaggedjaw wrote:wait what? I've been thinking about this stuff for over 5-years! I'm just now putting it down since i dont want to forget any of it.

Just because the two remaining brain cells in your cranium bump into each other every once in a while - filling your head with visions of badass cyborg vampires and Empires filled with Emperors of the last Age of Emperors' Empires - doesn't mean that you actually thought about any of this.

And if not putting it down will help you forget about it more quickly, then by all means: destroy your keyboard and spare us all.


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jaggedjaw wrote:...that sounds like warcraft?...Then again, you can't get any more generic then that.

RUN! IT'S CAPABLE OF LEARNING!

...thanks.

To be constructive:

For starters, go back and re-read everything. Proof read it for spelling and grammar. Think about your ideas, try to make things flow. People don't want to read your ideas in the way you have written them. A list of humans, "Trolz", "Ohgores", "tecno vampire", "cyber wolf", "skel-8-ten", "werenaught", "gopper", "halflan", "heb gablen", "lepacon", nobody wants to read that. Most of your races sound completely silly and uninteresting. Cut them back. Rethink them. Rename them. Nobody wants to read what "personality" a race has, not to mention how crazy it is to think that an entire race would have the same personality.

Put some serious re-doing into this.

the personality is the stereotypical one that you see. and on the names no. Although i will try to remove the list.

Heh.

In the future, use Microsoft Word or something to fix your spelling and grammitical errors.

ok a comment like that is the kind that i appreciate.

jaggedjaw wrote:ok a comment like that is the kind that i appreciate.

Then I do not think you are fit for the interwebs. Just saying. heh

0. Please refrain from stating 'What' .. . 'What?' ... 'What?' over and over.
1. This is in the wrong place/section.
2. Your thread just is wtf - link dropping and asking people 'IS IT GOOD?' is.. kinda wtf moment.
You were neither specific or as detailed on this thread as you were in your beloved fluff.
3. How old are you? Just curious.
4. What exactly is your goal with all of this? Or do you just have a lot of free time.

Just very curious. This is interesting - especially coming back from a long day of work on a friday.

im 15 and yes i have ALOT of free time. also i've never done this before so i dont really know what im supposed to do. thats why i posted a link to it on DakkaDakka since i figured that with so many users at least one of you guys would know how to make it. and where should i move it to?

jaggedjaw wrote:im 15 and yes i have ALOT of free time. also i've never done this before so i dont really know what im supposed to do. thats why i posted a link to it on DakkaDakka since i figured that with so many users at least one of you guys would know how to make it. and where should i move it to?

Alrighty - that'll settle some confusion on the thread, possibly.

Don't mean to offend, just was like... a bit wtf.

But we all start somewhere I suppose.

You seem to be within the 40k universe? (TL:R)

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/forums/show/16.page

40k Proposed Rules

or if not....

it's its own universe. although some stuff may be based on 40k other stuff is based on star wars, fantasy, space 1892(yes space 1892) and alot of other bits and tidbits. However you guys dont think any of the races are original?

There's not enough detail to even say.

At the risk of sounding rude, you're young. And younger writers/creators tend to be more cliched because the sources they draw from a very limited.

some other sources i remembered i used were, Brave New World, 1984, failed military hardware, and historical events.


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true.
although seeing as most of my free time is spent reading I've picked up alot of things.
Not as much as I want but alot.

I'd advise studying more sci fi and trying to get a very basic start. You can't make a massive universe overnight. Star Wars started out with a handful of planets and two major factions. Now it is a massive universe. I doubt it is rivaled by anything in terms of sheer size and depth.

40k?

jaggedjaw wrote:iHowever you guys dont think any of the races are original?

There is no such thing as something original in fiction.

well what about the original myths?

You can have originality, but it is hard and you have to fight to achieve it. I've devoted myself to avoiding cliches in my fantasy world, but it is nearly impossible to eradicate them all. Few writers achieve it.

well the Eagle Empire is a Highly organized army of zombies and skeletons that were created from the originally Eagle Empire army by their dark master. Does that count for anything?probably not.

jaggedjaw wrote:ok I'll explain some things
1.The Empire has an Emperor who has the last word in all decisions, however, the people elect councilors to represent them and I couldn't remember what you called that type of government so i just put down Democratic Dictatorship.
2.Twilight already ruined vampires. Im just trying to sci-fi them. Also Vampires were a playable race in the first edition of Rouge Trader so please stop bringing it up.

How much power does the Council have in relation to the Emperor? If the council has all the real power it may fit into a Constitutional Monarchy depending on if there is a constitution. It also has the option of being a Republic. The electing of councilors to make decisions is not a facet of democracy, but rather a mark of a republic, democracy is where people vote on issues and effectively rule by majority rule. If the Emperor has all of the power and the council has none why do the people bother voting? Is the Council a ploy by the Emperor to keep the people satisfied? That has some pretty good writing potential imho. It would really just be an Empire then. If the Council and the Emperor rule together it would technically be more of an Oligarchy. A democratic empire is a bit contradictory, not impossible, but you would need to flesh it out a lot more in order for that to work and in a way that wouldn't make a different term more suitable.

Let see for the site itself...

For the Allied symbol, are some of the edges between the colored areas supposed to go over on the outside or is it supposed to be a clean octogon? If the latter try to clean it up, if the former make the differences a bit more pronounced so it doesnt look like a mistake.

For the Opposition symbol... erm... it just needs to be redone. No offenses meant but it just looks like you hastened it together without really putting effort into it. Take an hour and get it to look alright, even if you must stick to ms paint.

Some of the names of the races do need to be scrapped if you're going for an all original type races. Do some digging and perhaps find out what the groups were originally called by the lore that they were inevitably taken from and use them or a variation of. Lepacon immediately springs to mind the irish leprechauns, whom I may add are neither cowards or foolish... clever little buggers really if the tales are to be believed.

Spelling and grammar need to be corrected as well.


I think the bigger questions are these: What is this for and where is it going?
Is this for a game between you and 3 of your friends with an online file so that you can't lose the paper? If so then it doesn't really matter how clean and neat or any of that stuff as long as you and your buddies understand it. If you are looking to make it a game for more people outside of your local group to play then you really need to clean it up. I can't say anything about the background, while I don't like it I am not good with those either so I can't help any there.

Not only would I revise the fluff but I would go significantly deeper into it. When I look to create a race for a story the biggest, most annoying, yet most productive question is: WHY.

You say that the Wit Trols have a superiority complex. Why?
The Frawd have long beards. Why? If its their society then what came about to demand that? Is it an honor based society where wisdom of elders are valued? Is it in a cold climate? Why?
Ulagothians have a variable number of arms or eyes. Why? What is it in their environment that led them to adapt this way?

You get where I am going. I'm taking a writers stance to the fluff and I generally have little interest in making a game out of my lands so I am likely going to have a different take on it then you are. For me, my lands need to be alive in order for me to feel right about describing them to others and they can't be that way if the darned why question isnt answered repeatedly. Of course, I thoroughly enjoy delving into the place and its quite fun to learn about a place as I create it and it may not be so for you as it isn't your goal to describe it, but rather to fight in it. Its your choice as to how much you flesh it out or feel the need to flesh it out.

...can you help me write my fluff? and the names stand. although I will go deeper into the other stuff as well.


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and the council makes laws, taxes, regulates the army, regulates shipping, declares war stuff like that. its just for everything the emperor can veto it if he wants to. and Frawd are basically space dwarfs. And if you wanted to know why its because their are definately going to be high gravity worlds settled and this may happen over time.

Is there a specific part of the fluff you need help with? I can't write your fluff otherwise it wouldnt be yours anymore now would it? I'd be happy to help brainstorm tho.

I'm lost. What exactly is going on?

well you seem to know what your doing and i have next to no experience doing this. and im trying to come up with names for tecno vampire, cyber wolf, Jaharhen, and G.U. names.

...Why is this still in N&R?

Sarrazon wrote:...Why is this still in N&R?

Has someone hit the little Alert Triangle?

The names are honestly some of the most difficult parts. It took me longer to name my horse in Zelda than it took me to beat the final boss so I'm prolly not a good person to ask about naming.

But these are the things I think of when I think of the names thus far.

Tecno vampires: I have to applaud this one because its more creative than what GW would have done. Had this of been the idea of the Blood Angels from the beginning they'd just be Space Vampires, kinda like a certain canine influenced army... anyway lol.

I have a question that may help. The main 'protagonist' like the imperium in 40k uses what kind of language? In 40k for example thhe imperium might call the vampire race as the Lamia due to the roman/latin influence. Is there a linguisitical style to the main faction?