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For Kriegers

Thou shall die fighting for the Emperor or be executed, for the Emperor!

Thou shalt not use "thou" when the proper word would be "thy" or "thine".

Grey Templar wrote:Thou shalt not make splinter in the knee jokes in earshot of the commissar.

Fixed

Playing "Poke the sleeping carnifex with a stick" will only result in death for everyone involved.

moom241 wrote:Playing "Poke the sleeping carnifex with a stick" will only result in death for everyone involved.

In the 41st millenium, poking any sleeping thing with a stick will result in death for everyone involved.

Now now, grots sleep sometimes, and they're damn fun for poking.
-Grots are the enemy, not "Cute little stabby things"

moom241 wrote:Now now, grots sleep sometimes, and they're damn fun for poking.
-Grots are the enemy, not "Cute little stabby things"

yes, but that grots going to remember the poking and he just happens to be next in line for Kan duty.

AlmightyWalrus wrote:

shadowsnip wrote:lol if i was a guardsman I'd probably shoot the commissar for being such a douche.. I'm gonna die anyways why not go out with a bang of self respect?

...because that'd mean treason, heresy and eternal damnation because you rebelled against the God-Emperor?

Like that'd ever stop anybody. Seriously, that's the reason 40k commissars don't work in real life--they're ALWAYS first in line to get shot when a rout starts up.

Grey Templar wrote:

Eiluj The Farseer wrote: Heresy

This post has been purged of extreme heretical content. A representitive of the Officio Assassinorum will be with you shortly, please stay on the line.

That made me laugh... What is it with people not being able to post about... Ummm...
Uh oh.

*Commander Jimbob KIA*

Eiluj The Farseer wrote:It's funny the older editions, not everything moved the same. The Eldar were 6", marines and IG were 4", Squats and ratlings were 2" due to their size. Though they were many times mounted on trikes so they zoomed around anyway.

You know the squats were the ones who invented terminator armour. The squad version of the armour is hilarious... to look at

Someone reset the clock...

You know I heard they may be bringing squats back in the new Tau codex... that would be funny.. Tau alongside Squats on trikes...

Eiluj The Farseer wrote:You know I heard they may be bringing squats back in the new Tau codex... that would be funny.. Tau alongside Squats on trikes...

Nah mate. Squats riding battlesuits.
It'll look a bit like this

I think this sums up this thread pretty well.

Aswell as the entire IG.

Thou shall not etch genitalia onto thou's Lasgun. This is considered to be the spread of Slannesh
Thou shall not sneeze. Sneezing is spreading the world of Nurgle.
Thou shall not bleed. Bleeding is worshiping the blood god.
Thou shall not change the fabric of time. This is worship of Tzeentch.
Thou shall not wear the Lord Commissar's hat. This shall be punished by death via Bolt Pistol.
Thou shall not present a paradox to the machine spirit. This will be punished by tank shock with a Land Raider.
Thou shall not wear phony facial hear. This is will be purged with fire.
Thou shall not troll the astronomican. This shall be punished with mind bullets.
Thou shall not wear the Dark Angels robes, unless thou wish to become a servitor.
Thou shall not distract the Vindicare Assassin by waving to them. This will be punished with decapitation.

Oh Boreale, how we love you.

Liking this thread a lot here's a few for Sisters.

1.Any Guardsmen that asks you to clean his Lasgun is to be executed immediately.
2.Any Space Marine who mentions field kitchens is to be executed immediately.
3.Any Leman Russ driver who mentions maps/routes/gps is to executed immediately
4.Any Space Marine who mentions parking Rhinos is to be executed immediately.
5.Any Inquisitor who mentions falling to Slaanesh is to executed immediately.
6.Anyone who mentions short abhumans in the same sentence as Sisters is to be executed immediately.

Any player who claims that sisters are for the can is to be Penitent Engine-socked immediately

BlapBlapBlap wrote:Any player who claims that sisters are for the can is to be Penitent Engine-socked immediately

Damn your eyes sir that's much better +1 to you

Thou shall not claim the Grey Knights are cheesy, lest they wish to be impaled with Nemesis Force Halberds.

Problem with flamers
SM: Sir, The Orks Are Charging
Sgt: Fire the flamer
*Fire Flamer*
SM: Sir, The flaming orks are charging.
Sgt: Oh Warp

SM: Sir, Nercrons Are Closing in
Sgt: Fire the flamer
*Fires Flamer*
SM: Sir, It didnt stop them, ANd now their weapons are boiling hot
Sgt: By The emperor

SM: Sir, The Dark Eldar are coming
Sgt: The flamer should work this time
SM: Um Sgt....
Sgt: Just fire
*Fires Flamer*
SM: Sir, They seem to be enjoying it.
Sgt: Next time you get a plasma gun

SM: Sgt, Kroot are coming at us
Sgt: Fire the plasma gun
*BOOOOOM*
Sgt: Who came up with these weapon designs?

hotsauceman1 wrote:
Problem with flamers
SM: Sir, The Orks Are Charging
Sgt: Fire the flamer
*Fire Flamer*
SM: Sir, The flaming orks are charging.
Sgt: Oh Warp

SM: Sir, Nercrons Are Closing in
Sgt: Fire the flamer
*Fires Flamer*
SM: Sir, It didnt stop them, ANd now their weapons are boiling hot
Sgt: By The emperor

SM: Sir, The Dark Eldar are coming
Sgt: The flamer should work this time
SM: Um Sgt....
Sgt: Just fire
*Fires Flamer*
SM: Sir, They seem to be enjoying it.
Sgt: Next time you get a plasma gun

SM: Sgt, Kroot are coming at us
Sgt: Fire the plasma gun
*BOOOOOM*
Sgt: Who came up with these weapon designs?

Exalted. That made me chuckle.

Eiluj The Farseer wrote:I
10.) Thou shall not ask a demon or demonette of Slaanesh 'Do you have protection?'

Of course!! 5++ baby!!!

CuddlySquig wrote:Ork 10 commandments

I. Ya shalt 'ave no boss 'afore me ya gits, or I'll give ya a thump
II. Ya shalt gots no idols 'uv any 'uver godz 'sides gork an mork. If ya does, I'll shuv 'em down yer throat.
III. Ya ain't gonna use me name in vain. Or gork or mork. Dat would be just stoopid
IV. Ya shalt keep da Waaagh 'n honour it 'n stuff
V. Ya watch yer mouth wif da nobz. If yous a nob, you watch yer mouth wif me. In fact, watch yer mouth wif me alwayz.
VI. Ya shalt kill, 'specially the enemy.
VII. Ya not gonna kommit adult-ry (join'in anuther boss' band) Dat'll get ya really really killed.
VIII. Ya shalt keep yer paws off'a gear dat ain't yours. Unless it's da enemy's.
IX. Ya not gonna lie to me or da nobz. I don't care if ya lie to yer mates ya squig.
X. Ya ain't ever gonna look at me shoota or klaw or wagon and wish it wuz yours, else I'll show you 'ow well it killz.

I really enjoyed that one. Tasteful yet funny and dead proppa.

Thou shalt not ask why the Ultramarines did not make it to the Playoffs this year.
Thou shalt not refer to the Ultramarines Chapter Master as Payton Manning.

shadowsnip wrote:lol if i was a guardsman I'd probably shoot the commissar for being such a douche.. I'm gonna die anyways why not go out with a bang of self respect?

Just Shoot him while trying to kill another enemie. He will be marked as friendly fire.

Knock knock!

Whos there?

THE ENEMEH

hotsauceman1 wrote:

shadowsnip wrote:lol if i was a guardsman I'd probably shoot the commissar for being such a douche.. I'm gonna die anyways why not go out with a bang of self respect?

Just Shoot him while trying to kill another enemie. He will be marked as friendly fire.

Allowing oneself to be shot by your own side is treason and punishable by death.

Ten ways to get killed by Rogal Dorn:

1. Walk into his room and say to him(even if his nightlight is turned off or he does not have one.)"AHHHH how cute you still sleep with your nightlight on to scare away Curz?"

2. Walk up to him and say, "So how is Horus today? Opps I forget you are trying to kill each other now right?"

3. Ask him if he still cry's at night when he thinks about Curz beating him up, and then gently pat his...leg (as that is far as you can probably reach) and tell him "It will all be OK, until Horus comes." In a comforting voice.

4. If after this he threatens/looks like he wants to kill you say, "Now don't go all Angron on everyone." Then run hard and hide behind the Emperor.

5. Remind him that the Emperor always loved Horus, unconditionally more then any of his other sons, and then add. "To bad he won't ever love you like that."

6. In the middle of his preparations (a few weeks before the battle of terra)of defensive strategy for the coming battle, stand a little ways away and say in a loud whisper. "To bad he isn't as good as Perturabo at this stuff."

7. Say in a loud voice just as the battle of terra begins; "You know you don't stand a chance, the heretics out number you. Your all going to die as is the Emperor why even try?"

8. Corner him and say, "What are you really afraid of Dorn? Really I mean are you really afraid of? I mean because if I was you, I wouldn't be avoiding me, because you shouldn't be nearly as afraid of me as you are of Horus."

9. Ask him in all seriousness, "Does the Emperor know you are in love with Curz?"

10.(Continuing from question 9) No matter what his answer is nod your head and say. "I would have hurt you also if you where my brother and had started hitting on me."

GeorgesConcepts for # 11&12

11. Steal his building tools and say the blood ravens did it.

12. Wreck the thing Rogal Dorn is working on when he isn't looking, and make it look like a shell hit it. Point towards Perturabo when he asks you if you saw who did it.

OrdoThanatus #13 and 14

13: Ask Rogal Dorn "Are the Imperial Fists named that because of a sexual habit of theirs?"

14: Say to Dorn, (ONLY say this after he has finally forgiven you for saying the above things to him)
"So, what was that about bringing Perturabo back to Terra in an iron cage?" Extra points if you smirk sarcastically.

Thou shalt not give Yarrick a knife and fork, unless he wishes to be decapitated.
Thou shalt not give Kantor a DIY Rocket kit for Emperormas, unless he wishes it to be driven with considerable force up his posterior.
Thou shalt not tell the Blood Angels they 'suck', unless thou wishes to have his throat ripped out.
Thou shalt not high five Tycho, unless thou wishs to lose his hand in the process.
Thou shalt not get in the Death Company Dreadnought's way, unless thou wishes to be crushed underfoot.
Thou shalt not feed the machine spirit paradox, unless thou wishes to be in the next battlecannon shell.
Thou shalt offer to inspect the Sisters armour, unless thou wishes to be incinerated.

As to the commissar ones at the top, never lose your lasgun, the commissar will shoot you faster than you can say oh great god emperor i lost it.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Thou shall not look at a space marine lest you want a bolt round in the face
Thou shall not look at a space marine librarian lest you get spontaneous combustion
Thou shall not look at a chaplain unless you want a benediction/or shot
Thou shall not look at....you get the idea
Never stick your tongue out at a commissar unless you want it chopped off and to be shot in the face.
Never ask a female commissar for motivation
If you are chosen to lead the first wave act honored but dig your personal grave and those of your platoon.

Thou shalt not call Brother Ambrosion a washing machine on legs, unless thou wishes to have his face crushed and incinerated.

Thou shalt not sell a Space Marine's Power Armour, unless thou wishes to be excommunicated.