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Some people get loud when they're having fun. Hell, sporting events are FILLED with people that are having fun and being loud. Some people like it quiet. Personally I can get pretty loud when I'm having fun, but can get quite annoyed if people are being loud when I want quiet. Hypocrite? Nah. Ask politely and I am quite happy to shut my yap; same with the people I'm playing with that are probably getting rowdy too. Yelling in someone's ear is certainly pushing the bounds of remotely acceptable behavior though, at the last. On the upside he didn't eat your force weapon.

Quitting then and there probably was a bit hasty though, yeah. Now you have to decide if you want to eat crow and go back to talk about what happened, or just write off the club. I've pulled boneheaded stunts like that before, and will probably do it again plenty of times before I die. The joys of life.

TheCaptain wrote:

 Necroshea wrote:
Does that mean I scream "WAAAGH!" as loud as I can in a public setting? No.

Funnily enough, I'm fairly certain that the ork codex tells you to when you declare it.

I usually laugh when the guy at my FLGS does it. Everyone stares, you hear everyone whispering "Why did he just yell..." "Because the rulebook says so..."

Except when he does it at 2AM. Then...I could do without it.

Aww man, you got me all excited. I don't think that's actually part of the rules anymore though. I love a good excuse to get in a good waugh once in awhile.

The club leader sounds like a total loser. Honestly I would have yelled in his ear instead of leaving and then told him, "I hope you have permanent ear damage." If someone did that to me I would actually feel threatened and violated. When 4 people play a game it always gets loud. Our gaming store has something like 12+ people playing at one time so its normal for us to be loud especially since 90% of people there are hispanic. Not being racist, but its true. We are loud. LOL and this is proof that people are having fun. People always get into stuff and start yelling in excitement. Its human nature and it took over your club leader as well.

Regardless though as a leader its not his place to do that. He should have told you to be quieter because you were disturbing others. Not by yelling in your ear. That's just rude and honestly considering what he did to you I don't blame you. Go take everyone you know and play elsewhere. If he's the leader I wouldn't want to deal with him during a tournament. It sounds to me like he was just lording over everyone because he's the leader. I really can't take people like that.

 Red Comet wrote:
The club leader sounds like a total loser. Honestly I would have yelled in his ear instead of leaving and then told him, "I hope you have permanent ear damage."

Literally the worst response suggested here.

Edit: No offense.

 TheCaptain wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
The club leader sounds like a total loser. Honestly I would have yelled in his ear instead of leaving and then told him, "I hope you have permanent ear damage."

Literally the worst response suggested here.

Edit: No offense.

Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

 Red Comet wrote:
Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

So the solution is to hurt them back?

PS: if someone punches you and you punch them back out of revenge you BOTH go to jail.

 Peregrine wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

So the solution is to hurt them back?

PS: if someone punches you and you punch them back out of revenge you BOTH go to jail.

If you feel threatened yes.

Cool, so I can't defend myself for feeling threatened? Further proof our country is fethed up.

Red Comet wrote:

 TheCaptain wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
The club leader sounds like a total loser. Honestly I would have yelled in his ear instead of leaving and then told him, "I hope you have permanent ear damage."

Literally the worst response suggested here.

Edit: No offense.

Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

Yes. It's being the bigger man. And it is not physical abuse. At all. He yelled, and the OP's ear hurt. I don't deny the leader was wrong, but that's not physical abuse. Not to mention, we are both adults, and in the 21st century. Eye for an Eye was phased out long ago.

Peregrine wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

So the solution is to hurt them back?

PS: if someone punches you and you punch them back out of revenge you BOTH go to jail.

This.

 TheCaptain wrote:

Red Comet wrote:

 TheCaptain wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
The club leader sounds like a total loser. Honestly I would have yelled in his ear instead of leaving and then told him, "I hope you have permanent ear damage."

Literally the worst response suggested here.

Edit: No offense.

Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

Yes. It's being the bigger man. And it is not physical abuse. At all. He yelled, and the OP's ear hurt. I don't deny the leader was wrong, but that's not physical abuse. Not to mention, we are both adults, and in the 21st century. Eye for an Eye was phased out long ago.

Peregrine wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

So the solution is to hurt them back?

PS: if someone punches you and you punch them back out of revenge you BOTH go to jail.

This.

It is physical abuse because what he did is proven to cause permanent ear damage. He's permanently handicapping whomever he does this to. I don't see how this isn't abuse.

 Red Comet wrote:

Cool, so I can't defend myself for feeling threatened? Further proof our country is fethed up.

That's not defending yourself. Self defense is described as allowed if it is your only choice. If he has you pinned in a corner and intends to hurt you, sure, yell away. If you can walk away, do so. You are the better person then. No one wins if you make yourself look like a child trying to get back at someone that made themself look like a child.

 TheCaptain wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:

Cool, so I can't defend myself for feeling threatened? Further proof our country is fethed up.

That's not defending yourself. Self defense is described as allowed if it is your only choice. If he has you pinned in a corner and intends to hurt you, sure, yell away. If you can walk away, do so. You are the better person then. No one wins if you make yourself look like a child trying to get back at someone that made themself look like a child.

Again I said our country is messed up. I'm done on this subject.

Nevermind, apparently America, the greatest country in the world, is messed up for not allowing "Eye for an eye" ideals, and the discussion is over.

 Red Comet wrote:
If you feel threatened yes.

Cool, so I can't defend myself for feeling threatened? Further proof our country is fethed up.

You do realize there's a difference between self defense and making a revenge attack on someone after the immediate threat has ended, right? It's self defense if you punch someone back while they're actively threatening you. It's a crime if you decide, after they've punched you and walked away, that you really hate them and go punch them back.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Red Comet wrote:
Again I said our country is messed up. I'm done on this subject.

Of course you're done, because continuing to discuss the subject would require you to admit that you have absolutely no clue about how self defense laws work, or what is and isn't legitimate self defense.

 Peregrine wrote:

 Red Comet wrote:
Why? If someone physically hurts you you sit there and talk to them quietly about it? I honestly consider what he did like throwing a punch. Its physical abuse no matter how you go about it.

So the solution is to hurt them back?

PS: if someone punches you and you punch them back out of revenge you BOTH go to jail.

Not completely true, as explained in training, self defense is not a crime, we WILL take both parties to jail, but the offending party will be the one booked, the defender won't be.
Putting it plainly, if someone comes at you with fists, use your fists, they come at you with a weapon, you are within your rights to use a weapon, if they come at you with a gun, GTFO quickly and good luck.

Yes it takes a lot to just take it, but if it comes down to it, I'll defend myself, verbally first, then escalating from there if warrented.

I would have left too, but only after putting the spotlight on him for being such a dick. People get loud when they are having fun, big deal. Screaming in your ear is ridiculous. I would have embarrassed the crap out of him before I packed up.

dpal666 wrote:
Not completely true, as explained in training, self defense is not a crime, we WILL take both parties to jail, but the offending party will be the one booked, the defender won't be.
Putting it plainly, if someone comes at you with fists, use your fists, they come at you with a weapon, you are within your rights to use a weapon, if they come at you with a gun, GTFO quickly and good luck.

Oh FFS, why is reading comprehension so lacking in this thread? We aren't talking about a case of self defense, we're talking about going after the guy at a later point "because he deserves it".

 Brother SRM wrote:
The guy probably just got really wound up over the course of the night. I know folks who are perfectly reasonable and still will lash out or explode at people after a particularly irritating session or day. Hell, I do it here on Dakka all the time

I would have gone with The Captain's advice and taken him aside and talked to him. Go back, tell him you needed some time to cool down, let him know that his response wasn't appreciated, and work it out from there.

This ^^
But then, once you've re-assimilated into the group. Start watching the club leader's games with a megaphone. When he gets loud go up to him, put the megaphone right in his ear and say:
"Gentlemen please keep the noise level down, some people are trying to play the game"
Then quit again just to prove a point.

Its a game, people get roudy and loud during games... if they don't then they're robots.

 bibblles wrote:
Then quit again just to prove a point.

The only point you prove is that you respond to rudeness with more rudeness.

Big man.

Has anyone played at a place with Yellow Card/Red Card system? Well, really more like strikes in baseball, than cards in soccer. Two yellow cards, then a red card and you're out.

If they're laminated, a club leader could grease pen the offense (in this case "Loud") and if you can't get it together after two warnings, you're out for the day.

----

Myself, I'm tolerant of shouting and excitement, but my group is small. We don't usually have a lot of noise to manage. I can't even imagine my club leader shouting at anyone. He's incredibly laid back while being enthusiastic and a good shepherd to new players (me). Shouting in your ear... sheesh. That's over the line and while I don't know the legalities of the term - I consider it an assault. It's an invasion of space and a threat. And if not legally assault, certainly bullying. Shouting back is not the answer, that's escalation, which then becomes a bunch of chest thumping and screw that.

OP, learn to modulate your voice, especially if you have a carrying voice and know that you're loud. That's what you have control over. Be excited and a good example for new players. That includes being enthusastic and celebrating their successes, but also being a good club member to the folks you're NOT playing with. I don't think leaving is the answer - regardless of the craptacular way that your club leader handled this situation - because you'll be loud anywhere you go. You have control over that, if it's a problem, do something about it.

I'm not sure what to do about the club leader, he sounds like a jerk. I'm disinclined to give him benefit of the doubt, given his behavior. But I think you could still maintain at least civil relationship with him, so long as he knows it is unacceptable that he shout in your ear. Ever.

 Peregrine wrote:

dpal666 wrote:
Not completely true, as explained in training, self defense is not a crime, we WILL take both parties to jail, but the offending party will be the one booked, the defender won't be.
Putting it plainly, if someone comes at you with fists, use your fists, they come at you with a weapon, you are within your rights to use a weapon, if they come at you with a gun, GTFO quickly and good luck.

Oh FFS, why is reading comprehension so lacking in this thread? We aren't talking about a case of self defense, we're talking about going after the guy at a later point "because he deserves it".

I never said going back at him afterwards. You are the one who put it this way. If he yelled in my ear, I'd yell right back in his ear right there and then because I'd feel threatened. I didn't feel like replying again because I'm here to talk about 40k, not self defense.

I have a few observations to make:

1) The leader of the group should have handled that better.

2) It's hard to judge whether or not the reprimand was justified, there's a line between loud and obnoxious (excessively loud) but none of us but you know just how loud you were.

3) If he did scream at you for no good reason, I would have tried to tone it down a little and see how he behaves in future circumstances and then taken multiple data points on his behavior and made my decision then. However, it is really easy to find and join such gaming clubs, then I don't see the problem of just quitting this one and going to another, even if it is just with one data point. Since, if it's easy to find another club, you won't lose anything that can't be replaced.

So OP is hurting everywhere ears but not playing in silence , like it should be , that is ok . But if the owner of the club does the same to him it is suddenly bad ? that is stupid . OP should have keep quite after being warned the first time and if he cant control kids , then he shouldnt be bringing them to a game club . those are not drop points for kids , but places where you can concentrate on games .

He was out of line.

I would have walked. No one screams at me like that. I'd never give him a second chance.

I would have knocked him the feth out. Seriously.

Hi all,

Thanks for the input. I'm pleased with the amount of concern people are showing here, as well as the varied points-of-view I'm seeing. I just wanted to let you guys know that your posts are helping me reach a decision. I also wanted to add a few more details to the nature of the club, for the sake of clarity.

1) The club was very enjoyable for me, and I made a lot of good friends there. The reason I'm asking if I did the right thing is not because I need a place to play, but because I'm going to miss my buddies. There's another club I regularly go to but the people there aren't quite as interesting.

2) I had a great deal of respect for the leader until that point. He never showed any real violence until then. And just to be clear, he didn't just scream at me, He put his mouth right next to my ear and screamed.

Also wanted to address this:

Makumba wrote:
So OP is hurting everywhere ears but not playing in silence , like it should be , that is ok . But if the owner of the club does the same to him it is suddenly bad ? that is stupid . OP should have keep quite after being warned the first time and if he cant control kids , then he shouldnt be bringing them to a game club . those are not drop points for kids , but places where you can concentrate on games .

I didn't "bring kids" to the club, they came on their own. They were friends I made at the club, which is part of the reason why I'm so conflicted. I believe that 40k should be enjoyable for people of all ages, and that for some people, the point is to have fun and not necessarily to play a serious game. I submit that to others this may be the appeal of the game, but I have to assert that for some of us there are other aspects to enjoy.

And I wasn't aware that there were people who believe that 40k should be played silently. All the games I've witnessed/taken part in have always had loud OMG moments which make them especially memorable. But I will keep in mind that some people like things quiet for future reference.

In some places, that would have been assault...

Quitting may have been a bit too rash, but I would have pulled rhe guy aside and told him" A: never do that again. B: if we got a little too rambunctious, we're sorry. However this isn't a library and we were having fun. We could take out fun elsewhere if you want it quieter in here."

 d3m01iti0n wrote:
I would have knocked him the feth out. Seriously.

Because that's a lot better than talking to someone like a human being and/or an adult.

 Brother SRM wrote:

 d3m01iti0n wrote:
I would have knocked him the feth out. Seriously.

Because that's a lot better than talking to someone like a human being and/or an adult.

If this person had just walked up a screamed in my ear? Civilized conversation is out the door at this point.

 d3m01iti0n wrote:
Civilized conversation is out the door at this point.

Civilized conversation is never out the door, until one decides to abandon it for less civilized actions.

I believe you did the correct thing by leaving, my group of gamers tends to get loud when we play, because that's the kind of people we are. I can't keep quiet when I'm having fun, it's just how it works.

If someone asked me multiple times to be quiet, I probably wouldn't simply because I don't actually notice I'm getting loud, which is probably the case with OP too. I sympathise, people at work have complained that I talk loudly, which I find amusing since I spent most my childhood shy and quiet.

Quitting was the minimum! If he told me to shut up across the room, even aggressively, I would have probably been like 'fair enough'. But to come into your personal space and scream like that is assault and I would have had no other option than to crack his jaw open that instant. Not just for fun but because you need to protect yourself from this threatening behaviour. Trust me too when I tell you guys like that who get a slap won't ever be a douche again. So what if you never allowed back in, at least he won't be bullying anyone else for a wile!

P.s If he bigger than you kick him in the nutts!