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Hi Dakkanauts,

Not sure where this belongs, but I would like some input on my situation.

Today I had a 4-way intro game (3 vets and 1 new guy) to teach the basics to a new player. It was a pretty crazy game and we got excited and loud. Our club leader approached us and told us to calm down, which we did for a while but the game just got crazier and we just sunk back into it. It was at this point that the club leader goes up to me (I'm assuming I'm the loudest) and screams directly in my ear, exclaiming "Now you know what it's like."

At this point the game was over and the entire room got tense. I told the club leader that I found that rude, and gave my membership club back saying that I quit the club.

Now my question is, did I act too hastily or was I right in leaving? My reasoning is that if it were a normal player, I could let it go. But considering that this was the guy heading the club, I really felt like I had no option but to leave. One, because I didn't feel that his behavior was befitting of a leader and Two, not doing anything would just show that he can do anything he wants because he is a leader.

Of course I could have just argued/complained but I really enjoyed playing with the group and am a bit sad that I left. I didn't want the other players to feel awkward so I just left. Two cents?

How did he react when you said you found it rude?
Was this the first time that the club leader has acted this way?

Should have brought him aside and spoken to him like a man. Quitting was a little rash and childish, no offense. Things like that can be handled by cooler heads in a professional manner. If he's still inappropriate during/after this, then you tried, and yeah, leaving is the right response.

-The Captain

I wouldn't have left, but I would have spoken to the club leader in private, being mature about it, even if he was bang oout of order yelling in your ear, but if he is unwilling to work with you, get your friends that you were playing with to back you, I know more than once I've gotten excited during a game for insane rolling or whatever, but no one gets mad at me. Then if you can't sort it out, leaving is the right option.

Dang, TheCaptain beat me to it!

Edited by Manchu.

That guy sounds alot like a guy that worked at a gamestore in kennesaw GA.

Telling you guys to calm down is well and good, sometimes players get loud and boisterous.

If you were disturbing other players, I can see that, and if you were in a public venue gamestore, or library etc. They can get concious of volume ( although many game stores likes a bit of comotion, makes people want to see what the fun is all about)

But shreiking in your ear like your some child, is outta bounds, just come over and tell everyone to shut up, not make a scene and make everyone uncomfortable.

Again reminds me of a very unproffesional store worker. and he continued to do this sorta thing until fired.

Likely you will be better off, but it could have been a bad day on the leaders part, its hard to tell from one instance.

Edited by Manchu.

There's not really enough info to really know if what you did was right or wrong. The club leader could have flipped out at a later time about something else, perhaps not.

In this situation I really don't think anyone but you has enough knowledge to make a valid claim on what you should do.

Well, you can't change the past.

I've had a few moments like yours myself, and I would suggest going back and talking with the club leader. I have several friends that take things personally, and we get into fights from time to time, only to call each other later and apologize. The best thing to do right now would be to try and have a discussion with the club leader about both his and your behaviors.

While what he did was rude, you were also being loud and rude to the other players as well. (Im assuming there were others, I wasn't actually there) Learn from each other, try and patch things up and get back to playing with the group. Maybe ask him to start just coming over and saying something specific if you are getting too loud, so you can begin to realize when and how you get to that point, and so you can start to change to better the overall game enviroment. And maybe ask him to handle situations like that differently.

If he won't talk to you or try to patch things up, it's their loss, not yours.

Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

Ferrum_Sanguinis wrote:
Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

Whoah. Little harsh; not to mention the Club Leader should be held at a higher standard of maturity than any of the members, since he's...you know, the "leader". You're telling me you've never gotten a little rowdy during a heated game? That's ridiculous, or incredibly boring.

 TheCaptain wrote:

Ferrum_Sanguinis wrote:
Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

Whoah. Little harsh; not to mention the Club Leader should be held at a higher standard of maturity than any of the members, since he's...you know, the "leader". You're telling me you've never gotten a little rowdy during a heated game? That's ridiculous, or incredibly boring.

Best games I have ever had were loud, and 4 players having a good game can get loud, a good leader will get people undercontrol without adding to the problem, people cheer good rolls, and laugh at silly outcomes, its a game and suppose to be fun, and fun is sometimes loud.

Now cursing and obscenities in a public place with to small of ears around is a no no, but that was not the case, just as OP said they were loud, meh that may be this leaders leading style.

What other gaming activites were going on, RPGing or card games, I find that sometimes these diferent game styles often dont co-habitate well

At any rate I would suggest a face to face with the group leader, or at least touch base with the other players at the table, just to see which way the wind is blowing, good gaming buddies are priceless, and worth working to keep.

 TheCaptain wrote:

Ferrum_Sanguinis wrote:
Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

Whoah. Little harsh; not to mention the Club Leader should be held at a higher standard of maturity than any of the members, since he's...you know, the "leader". You're telling me you've never gotten a little rowdy during a heated game? That's ridiculous, or incredibly boring.

This x1000

There is a difference between loud and obnoxious. I get lively with my opponents, and a good time is had. Does that mean I scream "WAAAGH!" as loud as I can in a public setting? No. That's going a bit far. But warhammer brings people together to socialize, and such a thing should never be forced into being a quiet affair.

 Necroshea wrote:
Does that mean I scream "WAAAGH!" as loud as I can in a public setting? No.

Funnily enough, I'm fairly certain that the ork codex tells you to when you declare it.

I usually laugh when the guy at my FLGS does it. Everyone stares, you hear everyone whispering "Why did he just yell..." "Because the rulebook says so..."

Except when he does it at 2AM. Then...I could do without it.

first time playing orks was against a good buddy o mine who is on his way to korea.

I was playing tau, he was.. well greenskins (lotsa trucks and battlewagons)

So I am doing my tau thing you know, shooting thin air beside what I should be trying to hit, and turn around to grab some more dice off of the table behind me only to hear this loud
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" The store owner looks up, and he and his friends begin to clap!! It was a glorious moment, until gazkull and his buddies came up short on the charge and were staring down a whole lot of str 8.....( my buddy just let fly the loudest, most perfect, warbling waaagh I have heard to date!!! priceless)

Ferrum_Sanguinis wrote:
Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

So being loud is considered stupid now?

Since when did gaming stores become libraries?

I'm pretty sure if you hold a codex too long the owner will say "this isn't a library".

BTW Ferrum, the OP didn't "quit" he left. The additude you have displayed could easily be called BS. Having a good time and getting roudy (without any violence) is what most gamers look forward to.

I guess I'll just be content I won't ever have to deal with your BS.

 Necroshea wrote:
There is a difference between loud and obnoxious. I get lively with my opponents, and a good time is had. Does that mean I scream "WAAAGH!" as loud as I can in a public setting? No. That's going a bit far. But warhammer brings people together to socialize, and such a thing should never be forced into being a quiet affair.

Who said anything about insisting that everything be a "quiet affair"? The most likely explanation is that the OP was being loud and obnoxious, not merely enjoying an intense game, and refused to stop their loud and obnoxious behavior when politely asked to do so. The guy who yelled in his ear is an immature , but the OP is hardly innocent.

The guy probably just got really wound up over the course of the night. I know folks who are perfectly reasonable and still will lash out or explode at people after a particularly irritating session or day. Hell, I do it here on Dakka all the time

I would have gone with The Captain's advice and taken him aside and talked to him. Go back, tell him you needed some time to cool down, let him know that his response wasn't appreciated, and work it out from there.

 DeffDred wrote:
Since when did gaming stores become libraries?

Since when did posting ridiculous strawman arguments become reasonable? Nobody is insisting on playing in silence, there's a middle ground between "absolute silence and dignity" and "being so loud and obnoxious that you disrupt other games".

 Peregrine wrote:

 DeffDred wrote:
Since when did gaming stores become libraries?

Since when did posting ridiculous strawman arguments become reasonable? Nobody is insisting on playing in silence, there's a middle ground between "absolute silence and dignity" and "being so loud and obnoxious that you disrupt other games".

Libraries aren't complete silence. At my local library there are public readings by authors and all kinds of other events.

Was the OP infact "disrupting" other games? Maybe the "leader" just had it out for him. Either way it seems like this particular location is childish and silly. Shouting in peoples ears?

Hi all,

Thanks for the responses. Another member stepped in and told us we should take it outside, but since the leader was in a game I thought it prudent to let him finish. Unfortunately they were on turn 3 or 4, and I saw no real reason to stop their game by bringing an issue up.

On the other hand, I see the point in talking to the leader one-on-one. But to be honest, I found that inflicting physical pain on another person makes it difficult to have a proper conversation.

I admit I am a loud person, and may very well have been a nuisance to other players. This makes me think that leaving is the right choice, considering I don't really want to ruin anyone's hobby time. But what bugs me the most is that the leader would act in a way I consider rude and immature. I can understand the occasional bad mood and snappy-ness but to hurt another person physically is taking it too far. To clarify, this wasn't just shouting near me, it was shouting at my ear. 3 hours later and my ear still stings.

I won't disclose the location/club in respect to privacy but I can say that it is a FLGS with a gaming section at the back (roughly 1/4-1/3 the store proper if I recall correctly).

dnptan wrote:
Hi all,

Thanks for the responses. Another member stepped in and told us we should take it outside, but since the leader was in a game I thought it prudent to let him finish. Unfortunately they were on turn 3 or 4, and I saw no real reason to stop their game by bringing an issue up.

On the other hand, I see the point in talking to the leader one-on-one. But to be honest, I found that inflicting physical pain on another person makes it difficult to have a proper conversation.

I admit I am a loud person, and may very well have been a nuisance to other players. This makes me think that leaving is the right choice, considering I don't really want to ruin anyone's hobby time. But what bugs me the most is that the leader would act in a way I consider rude and immature. I can understand the occasional bad mood and snappy-ness but to hurt another person physically is taking it too far. To clarify, this wasn't just shouting near me, it was shouting at my ear. 3 hours later and my ear still stings.

I won't disclose the location/club in respect to privacy but I can say that it is a FLGS with a gaming section at the back (roughly 1/4-1/3 the store proper if I recall correctly).

You can still talk to him, you know.

It's probably better that the conversation happen a day or two later. Cooler heads, less hostile mindset and environment. See if you can't hash it out like men.

 snooggums wrote:
How did he react when you said you found it rude?

He reiterated "now you know what it's like"

Was this the first time that the club leader has acted this way?

Some small things like moving objects around roughly, but nothing like this before

 DeffDred wrote:

Ferrum_Sanguinis wrote:
Glad the club leader called the OP out for his stupidity (nothing worse than loud obnoxious people at GW), and glad the OP quit too so no one else will ever have to put up with his BS.

So being loud is considered stupid now?

Since when did gaming stores become libraries?

I'm pretty sure if you hold a codex too long the owner will say "this isn't a library".

BTW Ferrum, the OP didn't "quit" he left. The additude you have displayed could easily be called BS. Having a good time and getting roudy (without any violence) is what most gamers look forward to.

I guess I'll just be content I won't ever have to deal with your BS.

He did kinda sorta "quit"

dnptan wrote:
...and gave my membership club back saying that I quit the club.

Different people have different personalities (go figure!) some like it loud and bawdy where it is less about the game and more about having a good time with friends and other like it quiter so they can focus on the game. If I had to pass judement on this case (and I'm going to just try and stop me) I would say that both parties could have handled themselves better. The club leader could have been more patient and handled things with more maturity and the OP and his friends could have been more respectfull of the other gamers present.

However I would postualte that the real dilemea here is not "who was wrong?" but "What am I going to do now that I have no club?"

I would say that you should call up the club leader and try to work it out like adults. Admit your wrongdoings and hope that he'll meet you halfway and admit to his.

dnptan wrote:
But to be honest, I found that inflicting physical pain on another person makes it difficult to have a proper conversation.

I beg your pardon I must have missed something somewhere.

When did this turn from "he yelled in my ear because he thought I was being too loud and I left in a huff" to "We decided to let our fists do the talking and beat our respective opinions into eachothers skulls."

 Peregrine wrote:

 Necroshea wrote:
There is a difference between loud and obnoxious. I get lively with my opponents, and a good time is had. Does that mean I scream "WAAAGH!" as loud as I can in a public setting? No. That's going a bit far. But warhammer brings people together to socialize, and such a thing should never be forced into being a quiet affair.

Who said anything about insisting that everything be a "quiet affair"? The most likely explanation is that the OP was being loud and obnoxious, not merely enjoying an intense game, and refused to stop their loud and obnoxious behavior when politely asked to do so. The guy who yelled in his ear is an immature , but the OP is hardly innocent.

Hi,

I respect your assumption based on the limited/unclear information I gave out, but I just wanted to clarify that we were playing a 4-player game, with me, (21yo) two friends (17yo and 13yo) and a new player (couldn't be older than 12).

I acknowledge that I should be responsible for keeping order in the table considering my seniority, but the uncle of the kid called him over right after the event, and my 13yo friend waited outside the club to get picked up because of the tension. Am I innocent? Arguably not. I was loud, and probably disturbed others in my excitement mid-game. Nothing makes me happier than a new player killing an ork with a storm-bolter and exclaiming that his models are awesome.

At the same time, I don't think that his actions were justified as well. Which is why I left. Hope this clarifies things. I appreciate your input.

dnptan wrote:
Hope this clarifies things. I appreciate your input.

I like this guy's attitude

Dakka hasn't made him a crazy, angry nut yet

dnptan wrote:
I acknowledge that I should be responsible for keeping order in the table considering my seniority, but the uncle of the kid called him over right after the event, and my 13yo friend waited outside the club to get picked up because of the tension. Am I innocent? Arguably not. I was loud, and probably disturbed others in my excitement mid-game. Nothing makes me happier than a new player killing an ork with a storm-bolter and exclaiming that his models are awesome.

Being happy doesn't give you an excuse to be loud and obnoxious. Most people are capable of having an exciting game without getting so loud that someone has to ask them to be quieter.

At the same time, I don't think that his actions were justified as well. Which is why I left. Hope this clarifies things. I appreciate your input.

Of course his actions weren't justified. He's an immature who should be stripped of his leadership and removed from the club. But fortunately blame isn't an either-or thing, you both were wrong, and you both need to learn how to behave in public.

 Ma55ter_fett wrote:

dnptan wrote:
But to be honest, I found that inflicting physical pain on another person makes it difficult to have a proper conversation.

I beg your pardon I must have missed something somewhere.

When did this turn from "he yelled in my ear because he thought I was being too loud and I left in a huff" to "We decided to let our fists do the talking and beat our respective opinions into each others skulls."

Yelling in someone's ear can cause physical pain, as described by the OP. Not all physical pain requires bruises and bleeding.

dnptan, I would say you made the right decision if the club leader is directly involved most of the time based one your description. He doesn't match your level of excitement and if he is rough with models and can yell in someone's ear, he is likely to be a problem on a regular basis.

 Ma55ter_fett wrote:

dnptan wrote:
But to be honest, I found that inflicting physical pain on another person makes it difficult to have a proper conversation.

I beg your pardon I must have missed something somewhere.

When did this turn from "he yelled in my ear because he thought I was being too loud and I left in a huff" to "We decided to let our fists do the talking and beat our respective opinions into eachothers skulls."

As someone who has gone through a lifetime of problems with his ears and hearing, I can say straight up yelling in someones ear can cause physical pain. I know from experience. It does obviously depend on both people - how sensitive the eardrum is and how loud/high pitch the screaming person is, but it is quite possible for him to have caused pain by screaming in the OPs ear.

Ah I see I did miss something.

Yes when you put it in that light it makes OP's reaction more understandable.

it was pretty dick for the club leader to scream in your ear, that in every way is not only rude but disrespectful. I don't think you should of quit the club because it seemed like you were enjoying yourself. Even if you were being loud there is no reason for the club leader to yell in your ear. I would of talked to the club and resolved any problems that he might have against you. If the club leader disrespects you again I would find somewhere else to play.