Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

 Disciple of Fate wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:

 Disciple of Fate wrote:
If you love them enough then why not tell them? If they love you they wont leave you right? Guess these people dont have that much confidence in their own 'love' life.

I'm not sure if you're trying to talk to me, or at me.

Just wondering about your answers. Would you stay with a person that cheats on you?

I don't know, but I wouldn't look down on anyone who wanted to end the relationship upon finding out that they've been cheated on. Anyone who feels an emotional disconnect from their partner has the right to move on.

But that's not what we're talking about. My assertion is that A) Cheating on your partner doesn't explicitly mean that you don't love them (as studies show), and B) If you're in a completely stable, loving relationship with your partner, and they don't know that you're banging your secretary on the weekends, there are circumstances where that may be preferable to filing for a divorce.

B) If you're in a completely stable, loving relationship and you're banging your secretary on the weekends, there are circumstances where that may be preferable to getting a divorce.

Probably not for the cheated-on spouse, and the person doing the cheating is an unadulterated piece of gak.

You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

 BlaxicanX wrote:

 Disciple of Fate wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:

 Disciple of Fate wrote:
If you love them enough then why not tell them? If they love you they wont leave you right? Guess these people dont have that much confidence in their own 'love' life.

I'm not sure if you're trying to talk to me, or at me.

Just wondering about your answers. Would you stay with a person that cheats on you?

I don't know, but I wouldn't look down on anyone who wanted to end the relationship upon finding out that they've been cheated on. Anyone who feels an emotional disconnect from their partner has the right to move on.

But that's not what we're talking about. My assertion is that A) Cheating on your partner doesn't explicitly mean that you don't love them (as studies show), and B) If you're in a completely stable, loving relationship with your partner, and they don't know that you're banging your secretary on the weekends, there are circumstances where that may be preferable to filing for a divorce.

I understand your viewpoint and I can agree on the points youre presenting (even though I wouldnt agree personally), but its quite one sided towards the one doing the cheating and not the one cheated on. Didnt intend to come across as hostile, so apologies if it seemed that way.

I wonder what the fallout will be from this, if anything actually gets done with the data.

Cheating on a spouse is like gambling with the rent money: you can do it, but you have to realize how bad things can go wrong.

I've been around enough relationships that have weathered long term affairs that I don't see things quite so black and white. Nobody that's getting everything they need is out there cheating. Sure, some people are just dogs, but others might be in relationships that don't fill all of their needs any more.

 BlaxicanX wrote:

 angelofvengeance wrote:
If they're not happy with the person they're with, they should finish the relationship and move on.

I disagree with that. For one thing, cheating on your significant other doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love them anymore, and for another if the relationship is mostly going well and you're both benefiting from being in it, it seems counter-productive to break it off if you don't have to- especially if you have little kids. I would rather some dude cheat on his wife and keep the family together then file for a divorce and feth up his kids for life.

You may still think love the person you cheat on, but you don't respect them and you don't care for their feelings if you lie to them or pursue other relationships without their knowledge. And if they do know, you think it's preferable they just put up and shut up so you can let your children live the lie of a happy family life, for however long it takes for the truth to eventually come out. There's other things too, the other person the the marriage won't have consented you to spend family money on other people, and they've only consented to having sex with you in the knowledge you're faithful, not sleeping with people they know nothing about.

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

 Psienesis wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

Yes, but what if they invented a better form of chocolate cake?

 Frazzled wrote:

 Psienesis wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

Yes, but what if they invented a better form of chocolate cake?

Impossible situation. No dude is going to be on a cheater's site having created a better form of chocolate cake. His wife will be fulfilling needs he didn't even know he had.

 Psienesis wrote:
I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

That's a genuinely interesting moral view, in that you view people that sign up to have an affair, but may not have done yet, are morally bankrupt regardless of any other factors.

I'm curious what percentage of the staggering number of people (37 million? ) actually succeed in having an affair?

 Frazzled wrote:

 Psienesis wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

Yes, but what if they invented a better form of chocolate cake?

Or bacon..............

This is to funny. I've an account form way way back when I was single and have not deleted it.

 Psienesis wrote:

 Frazzled wrote:

 Psienesis wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

I have no pity, none, for those getting their data released as part of this hack. Zero. They are pieces of gak. Full stop. I don't care if one of them was curing effing cancer.

Yes, but what if they invented a better form of chocolate cake?

Impossible situation. No dude is going to be on a cheater's site having created a better form of chocolate cake. His wife will be fulfilling needs he didn't even know he had.

Your logic is foolproof.

 Frazzled wrote:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
Does this mean you'll start to practice more divorce law Frazz?

Did I mention the "He Needed Killing Your Honor" self defense clause for Texas women applies to divorces as well? We call it the "quickie divorce" also known as the "roadkill mediation settlement" wait....

So shotgun weddings and divorces

 BlaxicanX wrote:
If they don't know, how is it hurting them?

Are you seriously asking how cheating on your partner behind their backs could hurt them? Well, lets start with a complete breakdown of trust.

If you want an open relationship fine. Just make sure your partner is cool with it

"What they don't know, won't hurt them" is a foolish saying. Of course it'll fething hurt.

I laughed when hearing this.

Good job, hope they release the info.

Wonder how many face palms there be if a poster mother/father was a member

Is it not unreasonable to assume that out f 37 million people we may just encounter those that haven't actually successfully had an affair or situations in which both partners are on the site?

I think nuance is the best approach here, assuming every single one of the 37 or so million people are bad people because x seems simplistic. Cheating and getting caught can often be the straw that broke the camels back but there are any number of reasons for it.

Are we to assume no other dating website is used for infidelity? This whole thing has a weird sorta puritan glee to it that I find disturbing. Anything that can unite facebook god and the catholic church is something worth closer inspection.

One does not have to me a member to look at member pics.
It could be a Spank Bank for those that like "Amateur Pic's"

Edit

Paying Member

 Crablezworth wrote:
Is it not unreasonable to assume that out f 37 million people we may just encounter those that haven't actually successfully had an affair or situations in which both partners are on the site?

I think nuance is the best approach here, assuming every single one of the 37 or so million people are bad people because x seems simplistic. Cheating and getting caught can often be the straw that broke the camels back but there are any number of reasons for it.

Are we to assume no other dating website is used for infidelity? This whole thing has a weird sorta puritan glee to it that I find disturbing. Anything that can unite facebook god and the catholic church is something worth closer inspection.

They tried to get an affair.


When you marry someone, you should be honest with your other, trust them, and respect them. When cheating or trying to cheat you don't do any of those things.

 Psienesis wrote:

 BlaxicanX wrote:
You realize that appeals to morality are a strawman in this discussion, yes?

This isn't a "discussion".

Well okay, opinion disregarded.

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
And if they do know, you think it's preferable they just put up and shut up so you can let your children live the lie of a happy family life, for however long it takes for the truth to eventually come out.

Is that what I said?

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:

Are you seriously asking how cheating on your partner behind their backs could hurt them? Well, lets start with a complete breakdown of trust.

That doesn't hurt them.

- - - - -

I know this is difficult for you guys, I can see that you're struggling, but can you at least try to make a modicum of effort to actually comprehend what I'm saying and get a dialogue going, as opposed to these knee-jerk appeal to emotions?

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Crablezworth wrote:
Is it not unreasonable to assume that out f 37 million people we may just encounter those that haven't actually successfully had an affair or situations in which both partners are on the site?

I think nuance is the best approach here, assuming every single one of the 37 or so million people are bad people because x seems simplistic. Cheating and getting caught can often be the straw that broke the camels back but there are any number of reasons for it.

Are we to assume no other dating website is used for infidelity? This whole thing has a weird sorta puritan glee to it that I find disturbing. Anything that can unite facebook god and the catholic church is something worth closer inspection.

They tried to get an affair.


When you marry someone, you should be honest with your other, trust them, and respect them. When cheating or trying to cheat you don't do any of those things.

So if one cannot end a marriage due to socail/financial/religious reasons they shouldn't be able to engage in infidelity? That doesn't seem very fun or very fair.



There's an element of absurd schadenfreude to this whole thing. Like all the spouses who find out about the infidelity will somehow be celebrating their significant other getting caught, rather than say, committing acts of violence against said individuals or harming themselves or loved ones. I'd love to see the smile on the hackers face as they realize the direct causal link between revealing 37 million cheaters and the inevitable handful of murder suicides that fallowed in its wake.

Not sure if you're talking to me.

 BlaxicanX wrote:
Not sure if you're talking to me.

fixed it, forgot to quote

Don't worry Blaxican, this hack won't hurt anyone.

It's just Ashley Madison's data having an affair with a few charming hackers.

 Crablezworth wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Crablezworth wrote:
Is it not unreasonable to assume that out f 37 million people we may just encounter those that haven't actually successfully had an affair or situations in which both partners are on the site?

I think nuance is the best approach here, assuming every single one of the 37 or so million people are bad people because x seems simplistic. Cheating and getting caught can often be the straw that broke the camels back but there are any number of reasons for it.

Are we to assume no other dating website is used for infidelity? This whole thing has a weird sorta puritan glee to it that I find disturbing. Anything that can unite facebook god and the catholic church is something worth closer inspection.

They tried to get an affair.


When you marry someone, you should be honest with your other, trust them, and respect them. When cheating or trying to cheat you don't do any of those things.

So if one cannot end a marriage due to socail/financial/religious reasons they shouldn't be able to engage in infidelity? That doesn't seem very fun or very fair.



There's an element of absurd schadenfreude to this whole thing. Like all the spouses who find out about the infidelity will somehow be celebrating their significant other getting caught, rather than say, committing acts of violence against said individuals or harming themselves or loved ones. I'd love to see the smile on the hackers face as they realize the direct causal link between revealing 37 million cheaters and the inevitable handful of murder suicides that fallowed in its wake.

Adultery isn't fun or fair.

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Crablezworth wrote:
Is it not unreasonable to assume that out f 37 million people we may just encounter those that haven't actually successfully had an affair or situations in which both partners are on the site?

I think nuance is the best approach here, assuming every single one of the 37 or so million people are bad people because x seems simplistic. Cheating and getting caught can often be the straw that broke the camels back but there are any number of reasons for it.

Are we to assume no other dating website is used for infidelity? This whole thing has a weird sorta puritan glee to it that I find disturbing. Anything that can unite facebook god and the catholic church is something worth closer inspection.

They tried to get an affair.


When you marry someone, you should be honest with your other, trust them, and respect them. When cheating or trying to cheat you don't do any of those things.

Can people not regret their actions? Out of 37mil I find it hard to believe that each and every one of them found an affair. Not to mention, they could have made an account, set up a rendezvous, and regretted the decision never following through with it. Possibly even hashed it out with their SO, and everything worked out fine. Or have been single to begin with, and used it as a site to meet people for a fling

This whole Black/White "once they signed up they are garbage" thing is a little too simple for the situation I think. Personal data was obtained by a third party that had no right to it should be the main issue here. Not taking glee in the misfortune of anonymous others.

Well, they can explain that to their spouse, then. They have a right to know.

 thenoobbomb wrote:
Well, they can explain that to their spouse, then. They have a right to know.

And perhaps they did. It's wrong to revel in others' grief. Just imagine that this's 37mil are actual people, and not faceless villains we can scorn.

blackmail is blackmail, regardless of if you like, dislike, approve or do not approve of the people who are being black mailed.


this could easily be a "every person who is a member of _____ porno site" being black mailed.


that being said, cheaters are lame, why the hell are you in a relationship if you dont like the sex?

 BlaxicanX wrote:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:

Are you seriously asking how cheating on your partner behind their backs could hurt them? Well, lets start with a complete breakdown of trust.

That doesn't hurt them.

- - - - -

I know this is difficult for you guys, I can see that you're struggling, but can you at least try to make a modicum of effort to actually comprehend what I'm saying and get a dialogue going, as opposed to these knee-jerk appeal to emotions?

Except that my point is not an appeal to emotion. It is a logical statement that betraying your partner will directly lead to a breakdown in trust when they find out.

If you feel that so many members of the community are misrepresenting your argument perhaps you could be clearer in the message that you are attempting to convey, and explain precisely why you believe that cheating on a significant other is not causing them hurt