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Yes, I know that I spend a lot of time whining and that my life is not that difficult.

For some reason I envy my single friends and acquaintances for their free time. I wish that I had more time to do the things that I want to do and didn't have to worry about watching Cars for the five zillionth time or listening to the baby point out all of the characters on the sheet that comes with the little cars toys. I just want to be left alone. And this is really starting to affect me again.

I just wish there was some way to find balance between giving him everything he needs and getting the things I want. I feel like it's all or nothing on both sides.

Life gets in the way of things, true. It's a huge pain, and though I don't pretend to understand it, I'm sure it's just a phase. I mean soon, he'll be up in school and all that, so it's not a permanent time loss yet. Best thing you can do is just kinda stake it out, I suppose.

Things will improve, I guarantee it. You found time to post here, so you must have some free time. Use it wisely. Make a list of things you want to do but have no time for, then, as you get time in bits, work on crossing things off the list as you accomplish them.

loranafaeriequeen wrote:Yes, I know that I spend a lot of time whining and that my life is not that difficult.

For some reason I envy my single friends and acquaintances for their free time. I wish that I had more time to do the things that I want to do and didn't have to worry about watching Cars for the five zillionth time or listening to the baby point out all of the characters on the sheet that comes with the little cars toys. I just want to be left alone. And this is really starting to affect me again.

I just wish there was some way to find balance between giving him everything he needs and getting the things I want. I feel like it's all or nothing on both sides.

Not so big on the single part myself but definitely not into kids.

loranafaeriequeen wrote:Yes, I know that I spend a lot of time whining and that my life is not that difficult.

For some reason I envy my single friends and acquaintances for their free time. I wish that I had more time to do the things that I want to do and didn't have to worry about watching Cars for the five zillionth time or listening to the baby point out all of the characters on the sheet that comes with the little cars toys. I just want to be left alone. And this is really starting to affect me again.

I just wish there was some way to find balance between giving him everything he needs and getting the things I want. I feel like it's all or nothing on both sides.

Funny. I like hanging out with my kids.

They're only little for a very short time. After he grows up and moves out you'll have all the time in the world to do whatever you want.

Once he gets out to school and eventually with friends. He will be less time consuming.

Ever considered babysitting or daycare?

Tell me about it.

It's getting so that I have to come to work just to relax.

School year has started again, my 7yo is beginning first grade and he needs major help...he's going to be playing catchup all year with his "speech/language" difficulties.

That means lots of meetings with teachers in addition to all the home stuff, daycare BS.

Then my ex moved back to VA because she's losing custody to me and "wont give up the fight" despite her attourney quitting on her and my son's court appointed attourney telling her to "give it up". So, since she's here in VA I have to set up 2hrs a week supervised visitation for her with ME supervising. I know, its only two hours...but actually, it wipes out a good portion of the day, plus I have to put up with her.

When it seems like I finally get a second to myself and go and turn on the X-box360, along comes the GF wanting to talk my ear off. My Son is finally asleep so its time for the adults to hold a conferance I guess....."Are you ignoring me?"

....then theres all sorts of OTHER grown up crap that needs attention. I swear I get pissed off at the dog for just wanting to go outside...another responsibility.

No it doesnt end....I dont think it ever will.

The bright side? Think back to those times where it WAS just you. None of your friends wanted to come over. One of those BORING nights where you've got no cash, the booze has run out, the groceries were running low so you're eating ramen while staying home and watching "America's funniest home video's" because its the only friggin thing on sunday night! Not really paying attention to it because you're really just thinking "geez I wish I had a GF."

At least when there are people in your life who depend on you you've got purpose. Those nights were friggin hell for me. The only thing worse than not having enough time? Having TOO MUCH TIME. Thats my opinion anyway.

I dont really want to sound like Im being to harsh, but Im sure itll come off that way.

Its your job now. You had a child, weather you wanted to or not, and thats it. The child is your life now, it doesnt matter what you want, that wont come into play for years now. As a parent you HAVE to watch (or at least hear) their shows and play their weird little games and pull gum from their hair. I have 2 children, you think one is tough? PFF! I get to enjoy sibling rivalry, I cant hug one, without the other screaming and shoving. If one jumps in my bed, the other has to out do, so Ill end up with a kids knees in the face, or balls, thats always pleasant. But my kids are my life. Like Shane, I remember well what my life was like without them, it was terrible. My life was video games, movies and porn. That was it. FUN HUH?

Sure children are very hard, and ware you down big time, Im not saying I dont have my moments when I want to duct tape them in the closets and run. But I dont for many reason. Mainly, Im there dad, Im number 1 in their world, Im needed. Do I like having to stop in the middle of a game or shut off a movie because I missed the first 15 minutes? No. But Its my job, to be there for them. So if you ask me, get some damn Prozac or something and "man up" its your job now. So deal with it.

KingCracker wrote:I dont really want to sound like Im being to harsh, but Im sure itll come off that way.

Its your job now. You had a child, weather you wanted to or not, and thats it. The child is your life now, it doesnt matter what you want, that wont come into play for years now. As a parent you HAVE to watch (or at least hear) their shows and play their weird little games and pull gum from their hair. I have 2 children, you think one is tough? PFF! I get to enjoy sibling rivalry, I cant hug one, without the other screaming and shoving. If one jumps in my bed, the other has to out do, so Ill end up with a kids knees in the face, or balls, thats always pleasant. But my kids are my life. Like Shane, I remember well what my life was like without them, it was terrible. My life was video games, movies and porn. That was it. FUN HUH?

Sure children are very hard, and ware you down big time, Im not saying I dont have my moments when I want to duct tape them in the closets and run. But I dont for many reason. Mainly, Im there dad, Im number 1 in their world, Im needed. Do I like having to stop in the middle of a game or shut off a movie because I missed the first 15 minutes? No. But Its my job, to be there for them. So if you ask me, get some damn Prozac or something and "man up" its your job now. So deal with it.

Agreed.
Sorry but your hopes and dreams are pretty irrelevant now. A real parent subordinates those interests to those of the children. All other interests are subordinate to those of the family.

Take heart. As they get older it will get better. You're just in the grind in phase. Then they will turn into teenagers and it will get far far worse. But by then you'll be old and falling apart anyway.

Ah, I just got done spending the summer with my son and watched him grow from 3 months to 6 months. There were certainly days where he drove me to wish drinking was an option with such a little guy, but he is worth every minute of it. As with any depression, my advice is to look at the three things that can most easily counter it- diet, exercise, and sleep.

Obviously, with a child of any age sleep is outside of your control, but try to catch as much as you can. Switch off with your S.O. for late nights, or night duty if possible.

Diet you CAN control. If you are already getting enough to eat, try to improve the quality of food you're taking in. Oatmeal is a quick and easy breakfast, plus its dirt cheap. Get your children involved! Young Rhys really enjoys watching me do dishes and cook pancakes while explaining things to him.

If Cars is getting old, try redirecting and supplying alternatives. Buy something you are interested in and want to play with- then show your child how awesome it is. They should be bigger fans than you within weeks. Admittedly, this paragraph is theory- Rhys can only show that he likes something by smiling and laughing, and that he hates something by crying or slamming his hand up and down like a gavel.

Exercise! Anytime you get frustrated, drop and do a few push ups, sit ups, or do a jumping jack or two. The endorphin boost helps stabilize you immediately, and the fitness improvement means that you have more energy (and therefore more patience) for the next day. Rhys loves helping me do sit-ups by sitting on my chest. Doing too many sit-ups with him helping will leave you very sore though.

I believe from your last thread on this that you do have an S.O. in the picture- in that case, let him watch the kids for a day, go hit a spa, see a movie and get some me time. While doing this, turn off your cell phone and just exist without interruptions.

Failing that, make some plans and visit your parents! There's nothing like a grandparent to take over the kid rearing duties for a day, or even a week while the parents get to be adults. In-law visits don't count- there's all the stress of loading up the kid (or kids) and taking a trip followed by the inevitable stress of dealing with people you don't necessarily trust with your kids. At least, that's my in-laws.

Something else that you might want to look into is getting a job. I'm sure at one point you aspired to be a stay-at home parent, but if it isn't working out for you, then don't push it. My wife is not suited for stay at home parenting. She doesn't release stress easily enough. I, on the other hand, am well-suited to shed stress like water on a duck. I am aiming for the stay at home parent position once my wife finishes grad school and lands a management position.

Do what you're suited to though. My wife is a wonderful and loving mother, when she gets breaks from Rhys. She just isn't built to handle all the unpredictability of a baby. If you're also like that, then find a job and put the wee one in daycare. You may be taking care of the tot for less time, but you'll be having much higher quality time.

I had a father who didn't give two gaks about me and thought only about himself. Now I'm an adult I'd sooner stick my right hand in a blender than have anything to do with him. Obviously there is a middle ground between doing things for yourself and them, but at their age their time is more important.

This is why, being in my twenties myself and still wanting to do my own thing a lot of the time, I have no intention of having children for the foreseeable future (which is about two or three days ftr).

If 1 to 2 children is a hassle, wouldn't want to be my father than (4 siblings, 3 boys 1 girl) but its an awesome family.

I sympathize with you i really do, I hate kids.. and the thought of having any terrifies me at 30 years of age.

Monday to Thursday i get home from work, play some wow for a couple of hours, go to the gym, paint minis or play starcraft 2 for an hour then go to bed.

Friday-Sun i get pissed, play warhammer and watch football. Where the hell is the time for a kid?! And i dont wanna spend less time gaming/boozing or painting!

The best tip for me is, use contraceptives so you dont knock anyone up by accident, or at the very least give them a pearl necklace and hope for the best. But now you actually HAVE the kid.. your screwed.

Take advantage of your family and friends, thats what most people with kids do. They love to get all high and mighty on you (see above) but everyone i know with kids takes the piss out of the kids grandparents/uncles/friends and dumps them with them so they can go out on the beer or have some alone time, so i recommend trying that. Or pay for a babysitter.. whatever you can do to get some free time to enjoy yourself.

Also consider (my favourite) choice and give the kid up for adoption.

Kids are overated, humans are an aggresive self centred race that breed like rats, and 2050 will look like the 41st millenium anyway at this rate, and thats if we dont nuke ourselves into extinction, which is looking more and more likely the amount of dogmatic religious idiots that keep popping up around the world....

Oh sorry if that last bit made you more depressed though...


Automatically Appended Next Post:
On a serious note though, i agree with whatwhat. I was lucky enough to have a great dad. I know i wouldnt be able to do as good and as selfless a job as he did, so i aint having any kids.

If more people thought like me, the world wouldnt be as full of fethed up people as it is.

Mattyrm, you seriously don't want a mini you?

i would never put my child up for adoption, great idea to feth up an innocent childs life.

Murray wrote:Mattyrm, you seriously don't want a mini you?

i would never put my child up for adoption, great idea to feth up an innocent childs life.

I think it would depend on who adopted the child.

Not that I support the idea of the op putting his child up for adoption, I think doing that for selfish reasons would be completely the wrong thing to do.

Yeah to be fair mate i was 90% taking the piss obviously...

But yeah, feth up a childs life?

I cant agree with that statement, loads of giving loving families adopt people, and its a very benevolent thing to do.

Not that id have a go myself like!

mattyrm wrote:

I cant agree with that statement, loads of giving loving families adopt people, and its a very benevolent thing to do.

Yes true that adoptions can go well and that their are a lot of loving families from adoption. But honestly, i.. wouldn't like knowing i had a father/mother who didn't want to love me.

Murray wrote:

mattyrm wrote:

I cant agree with that statement, loads of giving loving families adopt people, and its a very benevolent thing to do.

Yes true that adoptions can go well and that their are a lot of loving families from adoption. But honestly, i.. wouldn't like knowing i had a father/mother who didn't want to love me.

I know first hand that you don't need adopted for that.

In fact you'd probably appreciate you were adopted knowing you had a father/mother who didn't want to love you.

Can't argue with experience.

to OP - don't adopt. You shall receive the free time when he can handle himself. Stick in there, it will pull off.

loranafaeriequeen:

Something I found was that either I hovered, and so drove myself to distraction trying to look after Lil'Glitch, or I got on with home-making and whatnot, and he learned to get on with playing relatively quietly.

I found that with my nephew, the little terror, was that he'd lose it if his parents decided to tag out for a while and leave him with me, but a couple of minutes after they were gone he'd realise he'd lost and get on with playing quietly.

Of the two I gotta admit I preferred my own, but that's because (1) he's mine, and (2) nephew is quiet so I can't track him as easily with just my ears.

Find relatives or friends with whom you can deposit the sprog for a few hours. Does wonderful things for sanity.

KingCracker wrote:I dont really want to sound like Im being to harsh, but Im sure itll come off that way.

Its your job now. You had a child, weather you wanted to or not, and thats it. The child is your life now, it doesnt matter what you want, that wont come into play for years now. As a parent you HAVE to watch (or at least hear) their shows and play their weird little games and pull gum from their hair. I have 2 children, you think one is tough? PFF! I get to enjoy sibling rivalry, I cant hug one, without the other screaming and shoving. If one jumps in my bed, the other has to out do, so Ill end up with a kids knees in the face, or balls, thats always pleasant. But my kids are my life. Like Shane, I remember well what my life was like without them, it was terrible. My life was video games, movies and porn. That was it. FUN HUH?

Sure children are very hard, and ware you down big time, Im not saying I dont have my moments when I want to duct tape them in the closets and run. But I dont for many reason. Mainly, Im there dad, Im number 1 in their world, Im needed. Do I like having to stop in the middle of a game or shut off a movie because I missed the first 15 minutes? No. But Its my job, to be there for them. So if you ask me, get some damn Prozac or something and "man up" its your job now. So deal with it.

http://videosift.com/video/The-Slow-Clap-movie-compilation

Well done, sir. Well done.

Lorna, we've been through all of this sympathy/lack of sympathy in your last thread on this topic. It seems like a recurring problem and I think you should get serious about these feelings. That means talking to a professional counselor about them rather than posting on a forum. Even IRL friends, with or without kids, are not really equipped to help out here. I would guess that what you're going through is pretty normal but you still need to work it out.

thanks for all of the advice. i have just been having a bit of a pity party, and after getting a proper amount of sleep realize that some of it was just lack of sleep and annoyance over wanting to be able to watch a couple new shows. he's at preschool right now, so i've got a few minutes.

I'm gonna second Manchu here. Go talk to someone. Not saying you need a shrink, mind you. Just a counselor type with whom you can share these feelings. Parenthood sure comes with its share of adjustments and struggles, but it seems to me that at some level you recognize that you're more depressed than you ought to be.

loranafaeriequeen wrote:Yes, I know that I spend a lot of time whining and that my life is not that difficult.

I just wish there was some way to find balance between giving him everything he needs and getting the things I want. I feel like it's all or nothing on both sides.

Perhaps you need to find things that you both enjoy.

its simples

kids like playing with kids

sooooooooo...................

have more kids

then they will entertain themselves

Aye croggy, that is so true.

We knew from day one we wanted to have two within two years of one another. Mainly as both I and my other half experienced this as children.

Mine are 4 and 6 (getting close to 5 & 7) and yeah, at home unless we are playing a game, having dinner or watching TV together, they'll be off playing in their room.


Just need to keep an ear out.. if it goes really quiet.. they're up to something.

Incorrect. Siblings often can't stand each other and the older one often is not interesting in playing with the younger one.

@MDS: thing is, you first gotta get the kids old enough that they can play quietly by themselves...

True, although they've always been close, maybe we got lucky.

Although having a 2 yr old and a baby was a lot of work, as others have said in here, give it time, as they get older, the more fun it is.

Well until they reach teenage years, then it can all go to hell.. unless you are really, really lucky.