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I feel like every gamer has at least one absolutely terrible joke that they tell. This is the thread is the place where all those jokes are posted and killed.

I'll start.

Did you know that they are remaking one of Steven Speilberg's greatest films, with Jackie Chan instead of Liam Neeson? It's going to be called...

Schindler's Fist!

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?









One.

There was once a Black and white Space Marine on a Black and White Bike......

Did I ever tell you the joke about butter?

How tall was Hitler? You know? THIS tall -nazi salute-

What's the difference between a Food thermometer and a Rectal thermometer?

This a real bad 1

Q: Where do Cows come from?



A: The Moooon


And this 1

Q: whats a witch called that lives in the desert?


A: A Sandwitch

One of my favorites that I picked up from the Tick forever ago but still pops up from time to time in other media:

"Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed? Reese... crap.. Reese, uh..."
"Witherspoon?"
"No, with a knife."

Recently Samaritans outsourced their call centre to Pakistan.
I phoned up and said I felt suicidal.
The guy on the other end gleefully asked if I could drive a truck.

How heavy are polar bears?

Heavy enough to break the ice *offers to shake hands*

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:How heavy are polar bears?

Heavy enough to break the ice *offers to shake hands*

I am convinced that the guy who first thought up that line got laid soon after.

Two blondes are walking down opposite sides of a river.

One looks over to the other and says "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"

Response?

"You ARE on the other side!"

Did you hear about the kidnapping at your school?

He woke up! *ba dum tish*

You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But, you can't pick your friend's nose.

What do you get when you mix LSD and manure?

Long one, but a good time:

2 Corporals and a private are sitting at a bar in Tijuana. There is a passed out whore across the room, spread in all her glory, and from where the highly drunk men sit, they can see right between her legs.

Corporal One: "See that chick? She's is wearing some hot sequined panties."

Corporal Two takes a better look, and proclaims "Nope, that is fur and morning dew, sure as I'm sittin' here."

The Private says nothing while the corporals argue. Finally, they tell the Private to "recon the situation."

Private jumps on the floor and low crawls over to the table with the whore. He "recons" and heads back to the bar.

"I was right, wasn't I? Sequined panties?" asks Corporal One.

"Nope," replies the private.

Corporal Two cries out "HA! Told ya! Nothin' at all!"

The private looks at him and says "You're wrong too, sir. Them are FLIES."

Have you seen Kyle? *Nazi salute.

He's this tall.

What do you call a 65 million year old dinosaur egg?
Eggs-tinct! Hahha...get it? Cause it sounds liike...ex...tinct......I...I'll go hide now.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender: "How much for a drink?"

Bartender replies: "For you, no charge."

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

A bad marksman shoots, but never hits!

Two atoms walk into a bar. The first says 'I think I lost an electron'
'are you sure?' asks the second.
'I'm positive...'

From the previous thread:

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

---

What do you call a deaf man?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

---

A woman decides to take a bath, so she fills the bath, gets undressed and gets in. A minute later, the doorbell rings; she ignores it, hoping whoever it was will go away. It rings again and, annoyed, she decides to get out and poke her head around the bathroom door. "Who is it?" she asks. "The blind man." Comes the reply. She decides that since the man is blind, she won't bother getting dressed again, and goes downstairs to answer the door. The man stares at her and says "Nice tits, now where do you want the blinds?"

---

Police have responded to a string of crimes where people would be robbed whilst on the toilet. A statement given earlier today said that the victims of these crimes were caught with their trousers down, but Police remain confident that the attacker will be flushed out.

---

A robber has been caught attempting to steal a dog from a nearby kennel. Police say that he must've been barking mad to have tried it.

---

Reports of attacks by fleas have come in from all over the country. Police are itching to get to the bottom of it.

---

A killer fish has been found dead on a beach. Police say that he was a slippery customer who must've found himself out of his depth.

What is ET short for?

How many Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



I don't know if they can. It took the whole country to move a rock.

How many war gamers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

man went to store.
shovel.

yes it is actually joke

Nobody seems to have posted the obvious.

Knock knock...

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Scrazza wrote:Nobody seems to have posted the obvious.

Knock knock...

I'll bite

Who's there?