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Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Did you know Helen Keller had a pool?

Spoiler:

Neither did she

I saw what you did there, too bad Helen Keller didn't.

FITZZ wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:How many t-rexes does it take to eat a coconut?

I don't know...how many T-Rexes does it take to eat a coconut?...

Believe it or not, it only takes one, but it needs a bunch of creationists to help.

rubiksnoob wrote:

FITZZ wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:How many t-rexes does it take to eat a coconut?

I don't know...how many T-Rexes does it take to eat a coconut?...

Believe it or not, it only takes one, but it needs a bunch of creationists to help.

Well done...

Who's Helen Keller?

She is blind, deaf, and mute.

FITZZ wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:How many t-rexes does it take to eat a coconut?

I don't know...how many T-Rexes does it take to eat a coconut?...

It depends how filling the Jews were.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

FITZZ wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:How many t-rexes does it take to eat a coconut?

I don't know...how many T-Rexes does it take to eat a coconut?...

It depends how filling the Jews were.

Ba dum tish

When my grandfather was very ill, my grandmother greased his back.

After that, he went downhill very quickly.

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If you're ever being chased by a police dog, don't run through a tunnel, over a see-saw and through a burning hoop...

They train for that.

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Got a book coming out soon....

Shouldn't have eaten it really.

Albatross wrote:Who's Helen Keller?

She was the Pinball Wizard. Who made a song about it.

Any of you guys ever eaten a Lego Hamburger?

You will gak bricks.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Schizophrenic whale.

Schizophrenic whal--

Moo.

A man walks into a bar, you'd think he would have seen it...

"Someone's been eating my porridge!" said Father bear.

Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

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I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88 mph.

Probably going Back to the Führer.

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I was talking with my friend the other day when he said "You know, I'm sick of all the times people use 'your mum' as a comeback. It's old, cheap, and overused."

I said: "So's your mum."

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I don't know why my Grandad is so proud of being a holocaust survivor.

Most of the Nazis were.

-------------------------

Paddy: "Mick, I've got some bad news. We don't really exist. We're just racial caricatures in an unending stream of appalling jokes based around the false premise that Irish people are in some way intellectually inferior to other races."

Mick: "What... You mean like the sack race or something?"


Thankyou, i'm here all week!

So there was this bartender who one day, while washing glasses, saw a large group of blondes come into the bar chanting “53 days! 53 days!”. They were all clearly excited and celebrating about something. After watching them for a bit, he saw they where crowded around a puzzle. So eventually, his curiosity gets the best of him and he walks up to who appears to be the ringleader and asks, “So what’s with all the chanting of 53 days?”
The blonde replies “Well sir, us blondes wanted to get together and prove that we aren’t stupid, so we found a puzzle that said 2-5 years on it, and we finished it in 53 days!!”

A seal walks into a club



Whats the definition of endless love Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller playing tennis

How did Stevie wonder get that burn o the side of his face?
He tried to answer the iron.

Mom how did we get our names?
Well you see raindrop I decided to name you and your sister after the first thing that landed on your forehead
JGVLHIUDSOINUIVSUPANSDHVOBD
SHUT UP FRIDGE

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.


"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed 'Hebonics', as a second language. Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture.

According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question Is usually another question -- plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus, 'How are you?' may be answered, How should I be, with my feet?'"

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains,shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?"

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."

Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a turtle,' could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."

Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics.

Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English response: "Thanks."
Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready."
English response: "Be right there."
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business? Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me, wear it all the time."
English response: "Glad you like it."
Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you?"

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English response: "Congratulations!"
Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."

To guest of honor at his birthday party:
English remark: "Happy birthday."
Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."
English response: "Sure is."
Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from son:
English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."
Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

A nudist is walking in the African savannah, along the way he meets an elephant and they start talking, after a while the elephant says to the nudist:
'so, how do you breath through that thing?'

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? It must work.

Ooh! I know a joke about cherry trees and animals!

Why do monkeys paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees.

What is the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries!

Baron von Felixton wrote:

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? It must work.

Ooh! I know a joke about cherry trees and animals!

Why do monkeys paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees.

What is the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries!

lol, this one made me cringe.

So i was telling my friend the other day that they opened a special needs animal zoo close to where we live. They have blind elephants, bi-polar zebras, and even a....... Def Leppard

Here's a little bit of a longer one

So there’s this man who walks into a bar and is greeted by a drunk who says, “You know, this beer makes you fly?” he says pointing to a bottle in his hand. The man ignores him at first, but the drunk insists, “No no, really, just watch this…” The man hoping for some amusement decides to watch. He is then astonished to see that the drunk jumps out the 30 story building, flies around a few times, then comes back in through the window. The man declares “I don’t believe it!…do it again.” the drunk says “you bet pall” and sure enough, he jumps out, flies around a few times, and comes back in through the window and then asks the man “you wanna try??” The man replies “You bet I do!” So he swigs the whole bottle, jumps out the window….and falls to his death. The bartender sighs and says, “You know, you’re really mean when you’re drunk superman”.

I went to the library today and asked to borrow a book on attempting suicide, the girl at the desk told me to bugger off because I wouldn't bring it back! .. .. some poeple


Never take a frog into a library, they spend the whole time going "readit .. readit .. readit"

Why is marriage like a hand of cards? At the beginning, all it takes is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you're looking for a club and a spade.
---

The lead actor in the pantomime 'Aladdin' was sexually molested from behind, on stage, in front of a full audience.
To be fair, they did try to warn him.
---

*straightens tie*

Dyslexic devil worshipers sell their souls to santa.

(insert name of hometown)and (insert name of nearby town) were having a disagreement, that escalated into open warfare (nearby town) began throwing grenades, (hometown) pulled the pins and threw them back.

What did the guardsman call the sister superior's butt before getting shot (in an undisclosed bodypart)?