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Recently at my local McDonalds, I was reading my coffee cup, and happened to glance at the "Warning: contents may be very hot!" message printed on the cup. This got me thinking:

That was only written on the cup because someone who was rather lacking in the common sense department decided that it would be a good idea to throw their new coffee all over themselves. I wonder if Roboute Gulliman had to include such warnings or rules when writing the Codex Astartes, and what these rules might be. I'll start with a couple.

"It is generally inadvisable to use your Betcher's Gland to spit at an enemy who is upwind of you."

"Do not under any circumstances utilise your Sus'an Membrane in order to 'catch a few more Z's'."

"Do not challenge the Imperial Guardsmen or local humans inhabiting any planet you might be deployed on to an arm wrestle. It's not funny."

Got any of your own? Feel free to share! I'll allow rules written in the rulebooks from other armies too! Have fun with it.

"Thou must not shake hands with thy superiors whilst wielding the holy Powerfist"

"Do not stand in front or behind the Dreadnought as it climbs steep hills"

"Do not fall into the trap of heresy"

Warning: contents of plasma gun may get extremely hot.

I wish my guardsmen would listen to that.

"Do not forget to afix thy holy crotch guard before war."

"Use your gun to kill people/xenos/heretics/people you suspect of being heretics/daemons"
I wonder if it has a glossary...

"Clarification: Thou art superhuman, not superman."

Do you think it has an FAQ?
1)You do have ot point your gun at the enemy for it to work at its best.
2)Guardsmen are indeed soft centered and do contain a creamy filling.
3)Positive thinking is not the best way to fight a daemonic incursion... for daemonic incursion resolution solutions see: Exterminatus and Running the hell away.

"Instructions for thou most holiest frag grenade:
1) First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
2) Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.
3) Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Frag Grenade towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

It was only a matter of time before the Monty Python joke came out...

purplefood wrote:It was only a matter of time before the Monty Python joke came out...

Yeah, but you can't knock the classics...

timetowaste85 wrote:

purplefood wrote:It was only a matter of time before the Monty Python joke came out...

Yeah, but you can't knock the classics...

For a style of comedy that prided itself on doing the unexpected i have to say it is shockingly ironic... still funny though.

"Thou is a Soldier, not a male model!"

"Thou shall not give blessings to a bolter, when reloading, just reload."

"Thou shalt not worship the emperor as a god."

"Thou shall follow all the orders!"

"Don't give blessings to anything, it is unnessecary and you don't need to do it."

"Why did the Eldar cross the road? Because they are running from the land raider and the entire 1st company."

"You shall not turn to chaos, its bad, no matter what they tell you, they will not give a free cookie or dental, remember you already have dental!"

Asherian Command wrote:"You shall not turn to chaos, its bad, no matter what they tell you, they will not give a free cookie or dental, remember you already have dental!"

But they don't already have free cookie. Chaos has you beat on that one. I mean, how else do you think the Horus Heresy happened? Promises of immortality and unprecedented power? Pschaw! Of course not! Free cookies were the secret; for they hold mystical power over both man and beast.

"Do not refer to the Eldar as 'Those smokin' space babes'. On a related note, they are not interested in hearing how much you can bench."

Also, I'm impressed we got a Monty Python reference so quickly.

Warning-Power armour is NOT impenetrable, stay away from lascannons

"When you are in danger, when beset by doubt,
Just run in little circles, wave your hands and shout."

'Do not enter in a 'street race' with your bike or speeder, with locals, or other marines'.

Instructions on a Land Raider "Deploy this way up"

'Do not use rhino indicators when attempting a stealth mission'.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
'stand clear of flammable guardsmen before agenting your jump pack'.

'Life with your kness not your back'

Space Marine Frag Grenades : Directions for use
1. Hold grenade
2. Pull pin
3. Throw
4. Check to see if pin was thrown, or grenade.
5. If pin thrown, run!
6. If running, ensure you dropped grenade first

Your powersword is not a back scratcher, I don't care how difficult it is to get to that spot in power armor.

One must not refer to the Red Rage as "The Blood Angel's 'Time of the Month'"

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

ShatteredBlade wrote:"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

Already done...

I believe this calls for the Space Marine Commandments:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4971949/1/The_Space_Marine_Commandments

(Up in the right-hand corner you can see more than just rules 1 through 50).

It was already done

ShatteredBlade wrote:It was already done

Awww, and here I thought I was being original.

I guess it's true what they say: There's no such thing as original content, only reposts.

'Thy Tactical Squads shalt not take any combat blades into battle. Only thy holy bolter shell or butt can smite thy foes...'

'Thy Tactical Squads shalt not take any weapons other than thy bolters & their pistol kin, unless thee abide by the holy number 10, in which case, thy shall only be permitted one Heavy weapon & one Special weapon, but neither two of the same, nor one without the other. This is the meaning of thy word 'Tactical'.

There's no such thing as original content, only reposts.

Unless you're me, in which case there is original content within reposts, that is usually total & utter complete