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You receive the comics page of the newspaper but its mysteriously blank wher the comic titled "Non Sequiter" should be.

I put in a pack of candy cigarettes

You get a box of cuban cigars. These are illegal, and you are arrested!

I insert a police officer

You get a dead body.

I insert a monkey's left leg.

You receive a rabbit's ear.

I insert the Emperor...don't ask how I got him, it was a lot of work.

You get Jesus.

I insert chicken fired rice.

You get duck sauce.
I insert a bone.

A little blue pill pops out.

I insert an empty base.

You get the invisible Bilbo miniature.
I insert an organ gun.

You get an organ grinder.

I insert Excalibur.

You get a white cane

I insert this ( ) ork

You receive GW's hate/nerd-rage e-mail. A lot of it.

I put in a Deadzone Core set

You get Bombas Ova Da Sulfa Rivva.

I insert Jervis.

you receive a random table to determine your force and roll on it. this leads to more random tables and continues ad infinitum. finally, ancient and insane you get to the end. you get a 2000pt SM tank list.

I insert a large plastic man-wand.

You get an inflatable hoe.

I insert broken bathroom tiles.

You get the Emperors golden potty

I insert CAKE!

You get a LIE!
I insert a Thunderhawk.

You get an A-10 Thunderbolt 2 A.K.A. the "Warthog".

I insert the GAU-8 Avenger 30mm Canon from your plane.

An ork jumps out of the machine and demands MOAR DAKKA like what you just put in.

I insert some dental floss.

You get a tiny bikini.

I insert a giant mallet.

You get a mustachioed italian plumber, wearing a cap bearing his initials.

I insert the dakka-requesting ork.

You get Ghazkull.

I insert a Blood Knight.

You get the Black Knight from Monty Pythons Holy Grail

I insert minecraft

You get a Realm of Battle made from Lego.

I insert a Trollhammer Torpedo.

You hear an explosion, and get a set of Troll Teeth, big enough to swallow a man as a souvenir.

I insert an orphan.

You get Charles Dickens.

I insert Charles Dickens. (and hope I don't get him back minus the "ens")

You get Dahl's Chickens.

I insert a Tau Manta.

You get a points sink.

I insert Catachans.

You get Marbo.

I insert a hand grenade.

You get a pineapple.

I insert a 300 year old chair.

You get a 321 year old man wanting his chair back

I insert a live hippo