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Alright here is the deal, just got out of a long relationship because she said and I quote "...you are 27, almost 28 and still play with toys (40k and build plastic models)... you aren't worth my time because you are never going to grow up..." well I did have to edit that because I know there are children who read this forum. But yes I am 27, enjoy building models and playing 40k but I also enjoy doing other things. Yes I am a geek but I am not the kind of geek you see in movies or on television. I play some video games, I love to read, I also go to the gym, work a full time + job, have my own apartment, own my own truck... I am going through a rough time right now and I want to get some feedback from my fellow dakka'nites... Does age really matter in this game? How old are you? Do you worry about age or am I just being stupid because of the harsh words that someone I loved just used to crush me? Please any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

Not really...
It's odd actually. If you are a modeler there is a certain stigma surrounding it but if you follow sports religiously it's fine.
Knowing what who did what in a fictional universe is bad but knowing everything about sporting teams or figures is fine? The latter is practically stalking whereas the former is fairly healthy if anything.
Societies a bitch and we are all her play things...

Age has nothing to do with wargaming, we're a very mixed group, from 12 year old to 40+ year olds. We play, have fun, and have a social community. I'm 19, but started when I was ~13, and I've played with people my age, younger and a guy older than my grandfather. I really don't worry about age, just about having a good time. Also, does your Ex realize that modelling is something that mostly older people do?

I'm 38, a CEO of mid size company and I enjoy war gaming.

Also, I've been married long enough to have 5 kids.

Believe me, age has nothing to do with it. Finding the right life partner can be difficult regardless.

However, one piece of advice: women can get jealous over anything and you have to find balance. If you spend more time on your hobbies than her then you are headed for trouble.

purplefood wrote:Not really...
It's odd actually. If you are a modeler there is a certain stigma surrounding it but if you follow sports religiously it's fine.
Knowing what who did what in a fictional universe is bad but knowing everything about sporting teams or figures is fine? The latter is practically stalking whereas the former is fairly healthy if anything.
Societies a bitch and we are all her play things...

QFT.

Age does not matter. At least if your playing 40k as intended as a modeling hobby, social activity and well structured game. it would be childish though if you were playing with them like a 5 year old plays with their toys.

The best part about growing up is gaining independence and doing what YOU want to do and not having to answer to anyone (provided it's legal). So if your sitting on some spare cash, why not buy a model, put some love and care into painting it and then actually using it for an awesome game.

If she dumped you because she couldn't accept your hobbies, then she wasn't worth your time either.

I'm 25 years old and in a similar life arrangement to you, and All i can say is Women who will love you for who you are (all-inclusive) do exist.

I am extremely lucky to have a 27 year old Girlfriend who at the very least tolerates my geeky hobbies. She plays video games with me, loves magic the gathering and just tolerates my transformers collection and 40k. In return I don't mind putting up with her shoe shopping ><.

Hang in there, the breakup was the worst part, it can only get better from here.

I see a good mix of gamers around my local GW, obiviously many children out of school hours but when i pop in during the day there are loads 20+ gamers around.

I could see how people who have had no exp around the game can feel it to be slighly childish. They dont realise how much depth, time and effort goes into it when all they see is a group of cheering people around a table of toy miniatures.

Synister_Intent wrote: I play some video games, I love to read, I also go to the gym, work a full time + job, have my own apartment, own my own truck... .

I dont know your situation OP but it sounds like you live quite a busy life. Are you sure her problem isn't that you play wargames, more the fact that time which could be spent with her happens to be consumed wargaming/painting/modeling/video gaming?

Sad to hear anyway, hope things look up for you soon.

Age does not matter at all. People from all spectrums model and build as a hobby, as something to do when they have time on their hands. Its quite a healthy tradition to be honest.

I've seen 12 year old wargamers and i've seen 60 year old ones.
It matters not.
There is only an age requirement, which is only like 10.

My dad is 60, and supports a family of 4. He games with people older than he is who do the same. Age is not a factor, and the only maturity involved in this game is being mature enough to understand the rules and be courteous.

Anyone who would hold the things you love against you isn't worth your time. They don't have to like your hobbies, but if they resent you for them then things aren't going to work out.

If a woman has a problem with your hobbies (assuming you're not obsessive about it), leave her. She's not worth it.

A little primer in women...
Nothing she says has any relevence to what she's actually thinking.
Chances are there was something else she didn't like about you that she just projected onto minitures. I've no idea what your relationship was like, or if it was just something in her head that put her off you, but you have my sympathies none the less.
edit-love to see the classically male response of the forum here.
Address what you're literally saying? Easy.
Address what actually needs to be said? LOLUTROLL.

You can push through it - just be positive mate! You sound like a well balanced guy, she sounds ignorant.

I'm 27 and am married to a 28 year old woman who puts up with (actually endorses) my hobbies - cycling and wargaming. You are going to find a woman who will be better for you by the sounds of it man - just be glad you didn't have any kids and it wasn't a 'choose between your hobbies and me/kids' sort of thing.

Good luck with everything, enjoy your newfound freedom too. It may not seem so great now, but I hope things feel better for you soon.

For OP, I am a 42 year old combat veteran, with a bronze star and other awards for service, and I love playing with my little toy soldiers, and further more I completely endorse and support your playing with them as well, its a free country and if the way she wants to measure your worth is by hobbies, tell her to pound sand.
I and my fellow soldiers love this hobby and give it the U.S. Army seal of approval.

So in closing it is she that is not worth your time, find someone that accepts your intrests and does not make judgements based on hobbies that bring you happiness, life is way to short to try and please those types.

26 years old, taught high school science for three years before initiating a career change, I'm currently working on my doctorate and do some tutoring and teach test-prep courses on the side, as time permits. I consider myself a mature person. People of all ages play wargames; I started playing Battletech in middle school; I know of a group of retirees who play Napoleonics. I don't consider wargames to be 'immature' any more than my more 'socially acceptable' hobbies, like camping, skiing, participating in car shows or playing fantasy baseball. Still, there's this weird stigma attached to gaming that doesn't extend to a lot of other hobbies. Ultimately, gaming's a competitive, creative, and social activity, just like most other hobbies. A lot of people assume that most wargamers are socially inept and immature, and while we all know a TFG, I have a lot of friends who play 40k or Pathfinder and have normal adult lives, with jobs, kids and even white picket fences.


I was once in a situation somewhat similar to yours. Long story short, she resented the fact that I liked to hang out with my friends, work on my car, play D&D, etc. It all got labeled immature. Guilt trips, intentional scheduling conflicts, and crazy voicemail messages were her preferred weapons. Ultimately, it led to a very nasty breakup. I learned from it and moved on, and have been in a much healthier relationship for the last few years: I do my stuff, she does her stuff, everybody's happy. Until kids come along, at least...

Don't want to sound like a A-hole but your X sounds like a complete and utter idiot. I think she began to get worried about what other people would say about her if they found out you liked playing with models. Seeing how modeling is portrayed as geeky or nerdy...

Age is only a number. Don't know what she was thinking. And if she thinks like that, your better off with out her my friend

I don't take my wargaming too seriously. In the year and a half I have been in the hobby I have played 3 games. I don't get time to play video games much and the gym is an important thing in my life because I am trying to stay healthy. Most of if not all of my free time was spent with her. I am just really confused right now. Part of me wants to toss all my models into a fire and melt them and then part of me just wants to leave them be.

Leave them be. Right now you're hurt and confused and blaming yourself; from what you've said though it seems very much like she's the one who had the problem. What people say when they're in the process of leaving is almost never reflective of reality.

An adage that's worth remembering is 'we assume of others what we know of ourselves.' She's very worried about how 'mature' you are whilst apparently acting in a very immature fashion herself. You were dealing fairly with her and right now you're assuming she's done the same for you but it's likely that she's just assigning the blame to your hobby to assuage her own guilt about leaving.

Subtext: "40k gets more of your attention than I do. I don't care about what you care about and have moved on some time ago to the new Boyfriend. I get his money and attention, none going to silly bits of sci fi plastic."

In this regard Kung Fu Hamster has it right.

Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and will be richer and happier in the long run without the girl (no real woman would be bothered by your hobby).

Also go feth her one of her friends

Synister_Intent wrote: "...you are 27, almost 28 and still play with toys (40k and build plastic models)...

This is what she said, but the words aren't relevant because

Synister_Intent wrote:
you aren't worth my time because you are never going to grow up..."

this is what she thought. What you actually did with your hobbies didn't matter.

I don't think that age really matters for this game. It's appropriate for fifteen year olds and fifty year olds alike.

I also don't think that your ex left simply because of your hobby. Do you think that the amount of time and/or money you were spending on it (rather than on her) may have contributed? Generally, in these situations, the party that's doing the leaving has more reasons than they're saying. I mean, it's entirely possible that you were dating Amy Fisher's cousin, twice removed from Brynn Omdahl, but it just seems like there was probably more going on to me.

Age has got nothing to do with it.

It's your choice in female.

It's a difficult task finding a woman who will accept your hobbies let alone encourge them.

My first serious relationship in highschool was with a girl who didn't mind hanging out at the FLGS. She enjoyed the attention I think...

The next one bought me my Ultramarines army for my birthday.

The next started a small VC army... despite the fact I told her like a thousand times that they aren't in 40k...

You'llnotice that these are stories of EX's. They think it's cute at first... then they want to go out to eat... then they want to go on a vacation... then they want a ring... ugh...

Ask her if her only problem with you was you playing with miniatures. I have a feeling it's not...but that's what she makes it sound like. If it is, then know this yourself: you are not worth her time because she is immature.

oh, and Deffdread, when you find your soulmate, it won't be her that will be wanting all these things, rather the opposite

Love the guy who suggested that you should have your ex pound sand....that gave me a giggle.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-C.S. Lewis

Age doesn't matter, as long as you keep a perspective on the game and it doesn't become an addiction or obsession.

I myself started when i was three, mind that i didnt understand much but i had my own russian panzerfoust army.
Now i have been playing for 11 years, am a commision painter and travel to many tournaments
So i say age dosn't matter In a younger case or being older as there is many people in my local club that are above 50 and they have been playing for a long time

Synister_Intent wrote:I don't take my wargaming too seriously. In the year and a half I have been in the hobby I have played 3 games. I don't get time to play video games much and the gym is an important thing in my life because I am trying to stay healthy. Most of if not all of my free time was spent with her. I am just really confused right now. Part of me wants to toss all my models into a fire and melt them and then part of me just wants to leave them be.

Like others have said. Your models/hobby were just a lightening rod for whatever really has her upset. HER immaturity in not being able to address issues directly and heading into the name calling/ attack your interests arena are the issue. I would suggest putting the models away for week or two, calling up some pals and forget about her.

I'm 30+, have two great daughters and my wife and I have worked it out that I game once every other week and paint my models in those moments when my daughters are asleep and she (my wife) is wanting to get "her stuff" done to (be it for work or reading her favorite book).

clively wrote:
However, one piece of advice: women can get jealous over anything and you have to find balance. If you spend more time on your hobbies than her then you are headed for trouble.

You are one wise man!

I have a girlfriend who happens to like geeky guys... and especially my nerdy hobbies :p I guess this kinda puts me in the lucky category?
The age thing doesnt matter, I think. I plan on still collecting and painting and gameing until i get too old to hold a brush.