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I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.

Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?

I will relate a funny and witty event that occured back in my EMT/Ambulance days:

The city I worked for didn't have actual buildings for the ambulances, we would stage in different areas based on historic call volumes. So for this event we were sitting in our ambulance, parked in a gas station parking lot in the southside. This area was prime gang territory, but the gangs were always pretty good about leaving us alone. They like the guys that might have to save them later.

While we were sitting there we were watching a group of about 10-15 gangbangers sporting their fancy blue colors hanging out in the parking lot across the street, just doing their gang stuff.

Suddenly a car pulls up and drives through the parking lot opposite of us. 4 guys sporting red throwing gang signs at the large group in blue. Lots of cussing and hollering as the red car drives away.

5 minutes later and the car with our red-clothed friends drives back through the parking lot going the opposite way. More gang signs being thrown around, more screaming, very amusing.

Well, about 5 minutes later we watch that car coming back down the street again. As they pull into the parking lot to pick on the poor blues again the car hits the curb pretty hard and wouldn't you know it, the car with the reds in them decides to stall out.

So here we are in our ambulance, watching the 4 guys in red looking pretty panicky while trying to start their car back up, and the 10-15 guys in blue slowly marching towards said car.

Don't know the turnout since we decided to leave the intersection while calling PD on the radio to let them know that they might have a little gangwar in a few.

I am going to err on the safe side and put this in a spoiler tag, probably safe, but no harm spoilering it just in case it may be NSFW.

^that sir, is truly hilarious.

Well, most of America's Funniest Home Videos, if I'm being perfectly honest...

This wasn't something I saw, but heard. I work at a Walmart bakery, and one day, I wound up picking up a phone. The following exchange happened:

Me: Hello, this is the bakery, how can I help you?
Customer: Yes, is this the bakery?
Me: ...

Oh, and I seem to get this one depressingly often. I'm putting products on the shelves, restocking things and rearranging things, and I'll have someone come up to me and ask "Excuse me, do you work here?"

I always want to say "Nah, I just have a hobby of coming to Walmart stores, putting on a uniform, stealing stuff out of the freezers and putting things on shelves. It's just such an addictive thing to do."

Ok guys, I rekon I could top all of you.

One Morning, around 2:00am, me, my brother and some of our mates were walking to the gas station for a meat pie, as you would at two in the morning right?

Anyways, as we were walking back, we were talking about girls, and then one of my mates said (I QUOTE!) "Girls are like an Rubix-Cub, you can keep turning and turning, but you can never figure them out". I JUST managed to hold in this great heap of laughter, but then like two minutes later, he said (I QUOTE AGIAN!) "Guys, I'm totally ready for a kid" and what you have to consider is that we are all 17-18 years old. Then I just simply started to laugh my loudest, as did my brother, for about five minutes, Now, said friend was not very happy with me and my brother (undermining someones thoughts and integrity does tend to piss people off) but sierously, how could you not laugh?

...



It was a few years ago and I was with my mother on holiday in Blackpool (big beach resort in Britain) waiting for a bus around midday. Whilst I was waiting I saw a gangly man, quite drunk , holding a large yet moist clump of horse faeces in his hand; which I could tell he had smeared on his T-shirt several times. I believe he was shouting in the presence of several hundred people on the Blackpool promenade in a coarse Scottish accent 'Woah, have a smell a ma horse !'; holding the matter in question out for passers-by. lols.

Top that.

This might sound a bit boring but it was DEFINITELY bloody stupid.

My mate, his dad and I walked upto to the window of this shop, the better to peruse the fine wares on offer. Now, because the big, CLEAN windows were spotless they were kind of hard to see which resulted in my mates, dads face smashing, with rather undignified grace, straight into the window. The impact rocked him back with convincing force and my mate and I just stood there gawping at the quivering glass, stunned speechless at the level of force that had been involved.

After a few moments of my mates dad walking in circles while winding down, he returned and rejoined the two of us. And that would have been the end of it...had my mates dad, with a hint of daja vu, smashed his face into the exact same spot of the window that he had had a misunderstanding with a few short minutes before and TWICE as hard as before too.

Like I said, stupid.

My drunken mate decided that putting the frying pan he had just used to cook some eggs in against different parts of his body, just to see how much it hurt. That was just one of the many dumb things done that night.

Some locals have been thinking it's a good idea to toss bricks through windows around my area. There doesn't seem to be any motive, which makes it that much more stupid.

Chilli in the eye challenge... My friend had a twitch in the eye for a month. :/

I was at a wedding once....

I saw a woman driving while trying to read a kindle by pressing it against the steering wheel with one hand. At the same time she was also trying to put on lipstick. All this while driving.

I've seen someone parallel park, quite amazingly in fact, into this tiny space. He had it perfect... until he forgot to hit the brake and ended up coasting into the care in front of him, tapping it. Now that care apparently didn't have its parking brake on, can it got pushed forward and hit the car in front of it.

No real damage (the first car couldn't have been going more than 5 mph) but it was funny to watch.

A mate of mine from school set his legs alight with deodorant to show off to some girls.

Another friend snorted an entire packet of pepper.

Another friend overdosed on mushrooms and various other things because he had been dumped, and we went to get him clean and ended up on an accidental pub crawl.

In my Woodshop class a kid snorted woodchips (rather coarse and chunky ones mind you) and sawdust for $5, or maybe it was $10 I don't remember.

Johnny-Crass wrote:I was at a wedding once....

Let me guess. Did it involve a turkey?

Muhr wrote:

Johnny-Crass wrote:I was at a wedding once....

Let me guess. Did it involve a turkey?

Was it at least cooked?

Don't flay me here, but one time I saw one of the special needs cart boys at Wal-mart pushing a cart front end first into another cart's front end, confused as hell at why it wasn't going in. I watched this for a good 5 minutes straight til he got mad, made this loud squawking noise, then stomped off. Everyone present ashamedly laughed their asses off.

Samus_aran115 wrote:

Muhr wrote:

Johnny-Crass wrote:I was at a wedding once....

Let me guess. Did it involve a turkey?

Was it at least cooked?

A turkey? What is this? A birthday, we all know weddings have to have at least two of the tasty birds.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Don't flay me here, but one time I saw one of the special needs cart boys at Wal-mart pushing a cart front end first into another cart's front end, confused as hell at why it wasn't going in. I watched this for a good 5 minutes straight til he got mad, made this loud squawking noise, then stomped off. Everyone present ashamedly laughed their asses off.

This.

Krellnus wrote:A turkey? What is this? A birthday, we all know weddings have to have at least two of the tasty birds.

Sigged

But no I was saying watching my friend marry that chick was the most stupid thing I have ever seen someone do

Johnny-Crass wrote:

Krellnus wrote:A turkey? What is this? A birthday, we all know weddings have to have at least two of the tasty birds.

Sigged

But no I was saying watching my friend marry that chick was the most stupid thing I have ever seen someone do

Aaaah, is she one of those 'clingy always spend time with me and noone else' types? Or is she a bit slower than the rest of us, do tell Johnny.

Da Boss wrote:A mate of mine from school set his legs alight with deodorant to show off to some girls.

Ooo ooo, that reminds me of a time, in the school corridor, when me mate Nicky whopped a can of deodorant out of his bag, gathered a group of at least half a dozen girls around him and then confidently told them that he was going to show them something that they had never seen before. You get that? Something..that...they..had...never...seen..before. How true, how so very true that was.

He must have put half of the can's contents on his...err..hair? As far as I was concerned, this was definitely a development that made me happy. I was looking forward to this.

What followed was nothing short of...err, memorable.

With a deft flick of his wrist, the Zippo popped into life which was then fearlessly put to his waiting hair. With a surprisingly loud WHOOSH which forced everyone watching to unconsciously take a step back from the raging inferno before them. This was followed by the most spine chilling roar-screech that Iv'e possibly ever heard emanate from a human. The girls and I were so completely engrossed in the entertainment that we hardly noticed the mighty frame of Beefy Brogan fly down the stairs and rapidly approached the Human Torch. I remember thinking how out of order it was to choose this particular moment to settle old scores but as Brogan reached his target he flung a coat over the flaming fools head and put him out. Damned killjoy.

Three weeks later when Nicky had resumed his human form he returned to school with a proud new name.

Monkey Butt Head. What a hero.

Relapse wrote:I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.

Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?

Idaho espiecally within 100 miles of Monida is an Idiot preserve, thats why (repeat offender)Juvie is in Dillion. They are hoping that those morons will esacape and head west.\

Oddly some other donkey-caves more than mild idiocy almost killed me.
In da army they have these funny signs on all the fuel trucks and airplane tiedowns that announce "no smoking within 50ft." We had just finished pumping about 55 gallons of 100 octane low lead av gas into a bird and started the preflight. So I took a fuel sample. A suitable technological process that involves a flathead screwdriver and a mason jar that leaves the unfortunate victim covered in fuel that doesn't make it into the jar. So here I am right arm covered in rapidly evaporating gas CARRYING the blue koolaid evidence of my flamability to the storage point when one of our new privates lights a cig right next to me (well 5-7ft ish). He set me the feth on fire. Instead of remembering the "stop drop and roll" rule I dropped the sample (which broke and luckily didnt set on fire or get on me) and proceeded to begin to beat the life out of the offending moron, whilst still on fire and well within the 50ft of both airplane and fuel point. I have no idea how long I wailed on him before another dude tackled me and put out the fire, long enough to cause plenty of damage and earn me a quiet reprimand from our CO and an equally quiet congratulations from Top.

Samus_aran115 wrote:

Muhr wrote:

Johnny-Crass wrote:I was at a wedding once....

Let me guess. Did it involve a turkey?

Was it at least cooked?

That would spoil the fun though. Surely it's more fun when they are alive so that they can at least thrash about and put up a modicum of resistance.

Rabid, mewling resistance or rigid catatonia, hmm decisions decisions...

Krellnus wrote:

Johnny-Crass wrote:

Krellnus wrote:A turkey? What is this? A birthday, we all know weddings have to have at least two of the tasty birds.

Sigged

But no I was saying watching my friend marry that chick was the most stupid thing I have ever seen someone do

Aaaah, is she one of those 'clingy always spend time with me and noone else' types? Or is she a bit slower than the rest of us, do tell Johnny.

Yah she was one of those "Oh he is one of your best mates? Well we are moving to Seattle and never seeing you again" types.... Plus side she was hot.... Why are the hot ones always insane

Before buying my house, we lived in a trailer park, and everyone knows the the fething weirdest things go down in trailer parks. So one summer, Im sitting in my living room, with the windows open, when I hear this incredibly loud blood curdling scream. It was a woman and she was running past my trailer for her life, SCREAMING! Obviously that got my attention, so I look out the window with the WTF look, when I see a big ol fat guy, wearing just tighty whities and tennis shoes (Think Preston from Jackass) chasing after this woman screaming how hes going to kill her for eating the last whatever the food item was.


I didnt know weather to laugh hysterically, or call the cops.

KingCracker wrote:Before buying my house, we lived in a trailer park, and everyone knows the the fething weirdest things go down in trailer parks. So one summer, Im sitting in my living room, with the windows open, when I hear this incredibly loud blood curdling scream. It was a woman and she was running past my trailer for her life, SCREAMING! Obviously that got my attention, so I look out the window with the WTF look, when I see a big ol fat guy, wearing just tighty whities and tennis shoes (Think Preston from Jackass) chasing after this woman screaming how hes going to kill her for eating the last whatever the food item was.


I didnt know weather to laugh hysterically, or call the cops.

Option C. Call the cops. Make popcorn. Go sit out side and watch the ultimate 3D COPS episode.

Everytime someone uses the word Swag.



Also when a girl Asked in my class. "So wait Abraham Lincoln Was assassinated?"

Oh it gets better.

"Wait JFK? Who's that?"

"Moon Landings?"

"Who is Dwight D. Eisenhower?"

"What date was D-day?"

"How Do you make that whistling noise with your mouth?" (Dear god)

"Wait so your Australian? Wait is their language called Australian? Can you speak it?" ( I am serious, the person was not bsing me. They thought I was an Illegal Immigrant and then...)

"Wait is your mom an Illegal Immigrant? Like a Mexican?"
Me: "She got married to an American." (and she has a PHD)
"Wait they can do that?"
Me : "Yes, They can."
"So If I married someone from India."
Me: "Not the same Deal, Mate, Its mostly here in the states."
"The what?"
Me: "The States."
"Huh? The States."
Me: "The United States of America, By the way, are you planning on becoming a baggage carrier?" (Yup, I said that, that person hates me now, but they accused me of being a communist because he believes social health care is bad and never works, and that the true way to rule a government is through fear and torture.)

Someone Confused Winston Churchill with Stalin. And directly blocked my teacher from correcting them. Calling the teacher dumb for trying to confuse Churchill as one of history's worst Russian Leaders.

Someone thought the Campagin at Gallipoli was an American Battle in WW2.

Someone told me New Zealand (Kiwis) and Aussies have no differences. Nothing in the accents and no differences in culture. They all look white. And they are all named Shirley and Rick. For those who don't know those two are slang words used in Australia. He failed to recognize I lived in Sydney, Australia. (They themselves never meeting a Kiwi or an Aussie, except for me.)

Someone tried to explain to me that all cultures no matter where have killed their native populations. Including New Zealand. I asked them if they knew what the Captial of Australia was. They Answered Sydney. I laughed.

Someone tried to convince me that I was a horrible person for not wanting to participate as a member for Invisible Childern. And that I had never worked at a charity. (I have worked for five charities all above 1,000 hours in service.)

Someone called me sexist for not letting a girl use a shovel because she looked tired and i gave her a break. She took the break, her mother came up to me and proclaimed me to be sexist for not letting her daughter work longer hours compared to the guys. (This is charity work mind you so she still gets service hours. Daughter was nice, her mother not so much.)