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[Leans out of tank] Far, far too much. I'm beginning to suspect some kind of smuggling ring. Or just wasteful use of resources.

Morning all. [Retreats back inside for a shower and breakfast]

 Verviedi wrote:
How much C4 do you HAVE?

I've got a box of infinite ammo, what do you think?

*pulls out toast with tentacles and eyes*

Inz myz scientific opinionz I believez Iz havez made daemonic toast!

*I take a huge bite, the toast begins to make muffled screaming sounds*

Oh dear Cog why?

*Eyes daemonic toast hungrily*

How did you even DO that?

Datz simple you take this dirt and a sentinel leg and a weird machine that goes PING combine them all together! Then you takez a daemon from the warpz (any daemon will do) and shove it into the toast as hard as you canz! May havez to give da daemon a good thumping though! Andz thatz howz you makez daemonic toast!

Good to know!

*Enters office quietly and locks door*

*Pinging noise, screaming, and chanting*

[Emerges from tank with wet hair]
Okay, the xeno, the mild heresy, the continual threats of bodily harm, the .. the whatever the feth it is Verviedi does, and numerous other things I can just about ignore.

But you DO NOTdesecrate bread products or toasters in that way! I will not stand for it!

Prepare to taste-
No, wait that's a very bad choice of words.

Feth it! [Blows whistle and calls in buttery imperial guardsmen]

*Manical laughter as hordes of Daemonic loafs of bread begin to spawn attacking the imperial guard and devouring there buttery uniforms... and there souls!*

Honestly datz pretty ironic!

Pff, you're telling me orks understand that irony is not merely something to make helmets out of?

Onwards, surprisingly tasty guardsmen! [Facepalms whilst guard are not looking] Use your flamers, for feth's sake...

*Grabs blowtorch*

Butter melts, right?

Butter isn't a true solid to begin with, to my understanding. Not above 20-25 degrees celscius anyway, so at ambient or body temperat-
"Buttery" is a descriptor! Nobody is actually made from butter. It's like "cheesy" armies are not actually made from or covered in cheese.

Except in this case the guardsmen are covered in butter. I had nothing to do with that.

[Watches squad set fire to demonic toast] Finally! Do a thing!

*Emerges from office followed by several Castellax*

What in the name of the Dra- Machine God's sacred platform shoes is going on here?

*Castellax point vacuum-shaped devices at the daemonic toast*

*Daemons are dragged into the Castellax and bound inside metal spheres*

*Perfectly normal, albiet somewhat burnt toast falls to the ground in place of daemonic toast*

What do I do? Well, I research xenos technology, have made inroads into anti-daemon tech and weaponization of d- nevermindineversaidthat, I occasionally just sit on my charging cradle and have conversations with a wall, and I sit here and just talk. Oh, and I occasionally commit massive "heresy" (thank the machine-god you don't have access to my ENTIRE office complex)

Fell for the old "I captured all the evil toast plot" ehh?

*Pulls out strange looking loaf of bread with a green button on it... clicks button...*

Toast is for toasters! I wants Whole Grain Bread!

*Giant whole grain monster breaks through the wall and eats the Castellax robots with its giant and fluffy maw*

OOC: And that's how we destroyed this room, this week.

I take it you're going to dispose of those daemons responsibl-

[Holds up hands] You know what, I don't want to know. I also don't want to know about your office. For today, I just want people to stop making literal culinary misery, and desecrating bread and dairy products.
If I even tried to keep tabs on the actual heresy, infractions and issues in this room... [Shakes head]

[Motions for remaining guardsmen to pick up burned toast and tidy up] Go on, bugger off.

[Smacks Zombiekilla around the back of the head]

Don't mess with the bread! Go defile some celery or something!

Those things were EXPENSIVE!

*Throws up hands and retreats into office holding as many containment spheres as possible, forgetting to close the door*

*Builds a summoning circle*

*Brief view of me opening the spheres one by one, and dissecting the daemons on top of the symbol in the middle of the circle*

*Door slams shut*

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I take it you're going to dispose of those daemons responsibl-

[Holds up hands] You know what, I don't want to know. I also don't want to know about your office. For today, I just want people to stop making literal culinary misery, and desecrating bread and dairy products.
If I even tried to keep tabs on the actual heresy, infractions and issues in this room... [Shakes head]

[Motions for remaining guardsmen to pick up burned toast and tidy up] Go on, bugger off.

[Smacks Zombiekilla around the back of the head]

Don't mess with the bread! Go defile some celery or something!

Points To the Giant whole Grain monster*

I ave no controlz over dat!

*Throws up his hand goes to the work bench to think of a Betta idea*

*walks in through door*
*examines surroundings*


Honestly, what do you people do while I'm gone?

 zombiekila707 wrote:
*Points To the Giant whole Grain monster*

[Sighs] [Whistles for guard again] [Receives a card stating that they've now unionised and will not be returning outside of office hours] Feth's sake. [Stares at ceiling]

Fine... Fine.
[Draws over-sized butter-knife shaped power sword] I'd wager this is the sole time this will ever be an appropriate tool for anything. [Assaults monster with butter-knife power sword] [Burning toast smell]

[Notices Co'tor] Welcome to what passes for breakfast, apparently. If you could ram this thing with the butter-tank it'd probably be appropriate.

I gotz a plan!

*Squiggoth smashes through other wall, the creature has a giant jetpack that allows it to fly. I jump on its back and help buttery commissar defeat this grainy foe*

None of dis was my fault!

OOC: It's strange that the actions of quadrillions and the worship of trillions hasn't actually spawned the Machine-God in the way Slaanesh was created. I'm pretty sure the actions of everyone who ever built a machine ever have added up in the warp somehow.

OOC: Omnissah is the emperor or at least in a couple of HH books tech priest address him that way.

OOC: The Machine God is not the Omnissiah. The Omnissiah is the Herald of the Machine God. (Basically Jesus to the Machine God's, well, God.)

"Oh yes! a giant Krungor whole grain beast! Time to have breakfast! " breathes fire all over beast, till a dark toasty color, then as he is bigger, devours said creature ending the threat of the large whole grain monster all by himself.

"Braaaaap! Dat was a spicey meat-a-ball!"

*Seeing the threat is over I jury rig the room to the back of the flying Squiggoth we then fly to the furthest reaches of space looking for drinks, good times, and breakfast...*

OOC: Yeah I doubt the machine god will just "spawn" Cause he isn't really a being of emotion. Also consider he may already be in the warp at war with the dark gods... That is what Mork and Gork are supposedly doing a never ending war vs the pantheon.

[Goes back to bed] [Makes I'm watching you sunshine motion at Verviedi on way past] [Walks into doorframe due to division of concentration]

*Floats out the door, hovering about 2 inches off the ground*

(Strange layered voice)

So turns out it was a terrible idea to try to summon an Angel of the Omnissiah while being, well, 77% augmetic. I'm pretty sure I got it working well beyond necessary limits.

*Creature of flowing liquid metal and clockwork limbs wanders around with great purpose*

Well, there it is. Walking chaos-bane. Angel bound to machine. I think I'm going to go sit down and try to get that scrapcode out.

..!

[Cuts two holes in a tablecloth] [Throws it over the hovering Verviedi] [Jazzhands] And now he's a Halloween decoration!

[Catches sight of the machine] [Runs and sits on top of tank roof] Nope. Nope.

*Room violently shakes for a bit and some random things scattered around turn into small clockworks*

!!!

*Grabs clockworks and brings them into office, ignoring the now agitated Angel*

"Now I wonder what we all should do next?"

::sets up table with cloth, pulls out a few glasses and a bottle of cognac and cigars::

Gentlemen! Sit, be Merry, and plan the future destruction, conquering and subjugation of those we despise or just those who were unfortunate to be on our lands first!