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They seem to look down on my video game habits. I work as a groundskeeper on a golf course and all my co workers are total jockish d-bags. They'll either make a smartass comment or just make fun of me in a subtle way. I just need some broad tips on how to fire a quick jab back at them. Not be totally offensive but just a little retaliation to show i'm still alive you know? The problem is I can only think of ways to be totally confrontational back to them, which I really need to avoid.

Quiet, I'm busy killing zombies.

How old are you?

Man up and ignore them.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Chowderhead wrote:How old are you?

OP seems young.

real life trolls are the same as internet trolls


ignore them or destroy them


it's up to you

Ignore them

Everyone has had crappy summer jobs, deal with it. Trying to appear smart by talking back will only result in a "incident" for which you will be fired.

Chowderhead wrote:How old are you?

This question should be added to the dakka meme list.

ignore them or destroy them

The solution is simple. Outdrive them.

I can get damn near 300 yards on a drive (when I connect)


Alternatively, work somewhere else. Alternatively, convince them that you can do as many pushups as they can, and you just do what you do for the chicks.

Golf Course.


Groundskeeper.


Jerky Coworkers.....


I got it.

Does this sound like the plot to Caddyshack to anyone else?

DAMN! I can't believe I missed the Caddyshack joke! I blame the fact that It's been a while since I saw it. Well I know what I'm looking up on netflix to watch before I go to bed.

If one of them is a Ranga (orange hair) start calling him Groundskeeper Willy, might catch on.

JohnnoM wrote:If one of them is a Ranga (orange hair) start calling him Groundskeeper Willy, might catch on.

No offense bro, lame. It won't catch on. For him you just need to send off a constant stream of ginger jabs. Cut him off when he tries to insult you with a but like, "I'm sorry when did we let gingers speak in public? and who has been telling them their opinions matter?" If you want to pick a nickname for him it needs to be witty, but also amuse people beyond a pop culture reference. Opposite work well. One of my friends wears the name Jewboi, not because he's Jewish it's because he's a devout Catholic. Makes no sense you say? Doesn't have to. The secret to good bullying is making almost no sense.

I'd just concentrate on doing your job, it sucks when a group of people in work take a dislike to you but I'd just ignore it if I were you.

Medium of Death wrote:I'd just concentrate on doing your job, it sucks when a group of people in work take a dislike to you but I'd just ignore it if I were you.

Disregard this yell "WAAAAAAGH" and get stuck in.

AustonT wrote:

JohnnoM wrote:If one of them is a Ranga (orange hair) start calling him Groundskeeper Willy, might catch on.

No offense bro, lame. It won't catch on. For him you just need to send off a constant stream of ginger jabs. Cut him off when he tries to insult you with a but like, "I'm sorry when did we let gingers speak in public? and who has been telling them their opinions matter?" If you want to pick a nickname for him it needs to be witty, but also amuse people beyond a pop culture reference. Opposite work well. One of my friends wears the name Jewboi, not because he's Jewish it's because he's a devout Catholic. Makes no sense you say? Doesn't have to. The secret to good bullying is making almost no sense.

Thats incredibly true. There was this younger kid that used to hang around us all the time. He was incredibly annoying, and worse yet, had a mega gak load of money due to some settlement. Needless to say, he ame off as a real big douche. BUT he was also rather fat, and Im talking Peter Griffon round. So we all called him Skinny. It was a pleasant way of reminding him of his status

If you arent overweight this is of no use whatsoever, but I recall I was in a canteen in Iraq and a bloke shouted to one of the chefs "Shut up fatty!" and the chef replied..

"Its not my fault, every time I feth your mom she gives me a Twix!"

You get Twix in the US I know cos I ate the peanut butter ones.. but if they aren't as popular, you can just replace it with a Snickers or something.

Priceless comeback.

Your mom jokes can be pretty effective. Problem with them is, when Nerdy guy says it to strong footballers, the outcome can be pretty painful

AustonT wrote:

Medium of Death wrote:I'd just concentrate on doing your job, it sucks when a group of people in work take a dislike to you but I'd just ignore it if I were you.

Disregard this yell "WAAAAAAGH" and get stuck in.

What he said.

Alternatively, when they get near you starting speaking in Latin in a deep voice, with just a slight smile. Spinning your head completely around is helpful as well.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

mattyrm wrote:If you arent overweight this is of no use whatsoever, but I recall I was in a canteen in Iraq and a bloke shouted to one of the chefs "Shut up fatty!" and the chef replied..

"Its not my fault, every time I feth your mom she gives me a Twix!"

Thats quite good actually.

mattyrm wrote:If you arent overweight this is of no use whatsoever, but I recall I was in a canteen in Iraq and a bloke shouted to one of the chefs "Shut up fatty!" and the chef replied..

"Its not my fault, every time I feth your mom she gives me a Twix!"

You get Twix in the US I know cos I ate the peanut butter ones.. but if they aren't as popular, you can just replace it with a Snickers or something.

I saw this at a hockey game (right before the fight) some guy heckled a very large man who spun around (holding 2 nachos, 3 hotdogs and a bucket of coke) and yelled back, "yeah, I'm fat and you're ugly; I can lose weight."

Set it all on fire...
all of it.

AustonT wrote:

mattyrm wrote:If you arent overweight this is of no use whatsoever, but I recall I was in a canteen in Iraq and a bloke shouted to one of the chefs "Shut up fatty!" and the chef replied..

"Its not my fault, every time I feth your mom she gives me a Twix!"

You get Twix in the US I know cos I ate the peanut butter ones.. but if they aren't as popular, you can just replace it with a Snickers or something.

I saw this at a hockey game (right before the fight) some guy heckled a very large man who spun around (holding 2 nachos, 3 hotdogs and a bucket of coke) and yelled back, "yeah, I'm fat and you're ugly; I can lose weight."

He got that one off Churchill! You ever heard it?

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"

Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I
shall be sober."

Churchill's one is a fair bit better.

mattyrm wrote:

AustonT wrote:

mattyrm wrote:If you arent overweight this is of no use whatsoever, but I recall I was in a canteen in Iraq and a bloke shouted to one of the chefs "Shut up fatty!" and the chef replied..

"Its not my fault, every time I feth your mom she gives me a Twix!"

You get Twix in the US I know cos I ate the peanut butter ones.. but if they aren't as popular, you can just replace it with a Snickers or something.

I saw this at a hockey game (right before the fight) some guy heckled a very large man who spun around (holding 2 nachos, 3 hotdogs and a bucket of coke) and yelled back, "yeah, I'm fat and you're ugly; I can lose weight."

He got that one off Churchill! You ever heard it?

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"

Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I
shall be sober."

I have now.
I really only remember it because it was witty and burned the guy so bad he started a stand brawl...which was epic.

So real advice time.

People make fun of you to get a reaction. So, beat them to the punchline and make fun of your own habits first. They will realize that you are confident enough to take whatever they can give, it will not be fun for them anymore.

The more you try to take them on, the more it will make them want to continue. It is like feeding a troll. If you direct your wit at yourself, you can demonstrate your superiority over them in wit, and show your own strength of personality. Plus, if you steal their thunder before they can deliver it is a disatisfying experience for the bullies.

Also, if you want to get really good at this impromptu joking stuff, do a bit of research on improv techniques. With a little practice you will be much wittier and quicker with the punchlines.

Find out what they enjoy doing in their free time. Beat them at it.

Easy E wrote:It is like feeding a troll.

But we always feed the troll...

Ignore it and move on with your life.

KingCracker wrote:Your mom jokes can be pretty effective. Problem with them is, when Nerdy guy says it to strong footballers, the outcome can be pretty painful

Ah, yes, but after that point they cease being coworkers, and thereafter they aren't a problem anymore. Play your cards right and they might even wind up in jail, at the cost of a few days off and collecting workman's comp... or gaining the option to sue them out of their pants.