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 Ashiraya wrote:
On second thought, I would commit to tactical lego deployment.

Let's see how they like minefields of pure agony.

Pah, Lego Technical is where the pain's at; they'd be wishing they were stepping on real Claymores after I've laid that down

 n0t_u wrote:
I'd get out of the house because it'd be yet another spider attack.

You reminded me I need to go deal with the Redback I found in my engine bay the other day.

Had someone trying to get through my door a few years ago in the evening. Mrs. Monkey called the cops. I loaded and waited for him to breach the door, which didn't happen. Cops got there within a few minutes, but the guy was gone. Probably a drunk stumbling home. He had to first go through the enclosed porch door to get to the main door. I was really jumpy because I had ticked off some local politicians. One of them was rather unhinged. I thought they had finally come for my head.

I dont have it on file, but this one story I saved was about a hypothetical scenario of defending your home using only musket, sword, and a cannon filled with grapeshot.

Needless to say, shenanigans ensues.
If anyone can dig it up from the bowels of the internet, I would be much obliged.


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tneva82 wrote:
Take phone, head for exit. Nothing worth killing so don't have gun and even if had wouldn't use one

Would your next step be to apologize and ask him about his culture
You are too much like the Swedes for your own good lol.

LOAD MY STORMBOLTER AND PURGE THE HERETICS.

 General Annoyance wrote:

 xKillGorex wrote:


Ha second that, have a g17c that would look scary, also have a full steel m4 but think the would be pushing it in the realms of reality here in the U.K. Plus would need to charge the batteries for the m4 . Don't think they'd ring in advance to let me set it up.

I don't keep my magazines gassed or loaded either, so I think I'd be pretty screwed too

If I lived in America, I don't think the intruders would take a second look at the M249 or the P90 that's also part of the joint airsoft collection - I'm living in the wrong country

G.A

Nice I'd love a saw, my third weapon is a l96 sniper not much use in doors but now I'm jacking the thread so il stop before getting told off lol

All my windows have bars on them.
And the doors are double, a metal bar door and a normal door.
And then there's all the wild boars running around here in the woods.
Sadly both entrances/exits are basically in the same place, so running is not a possibility.

In the time it would take them to break through I would perform a dark ritual and call some kind of thing to devour their souls. Any recomendations on hellish creatures that won't require too much payment?

Being in Britain the best we could have gone for when I was growing up was an 18" sword bayonet. But being Britain, most burglars are not expecting you to come down the stairs like a whirling dervish so would likely leg it.

If I'm in my room and the intruders break into a different room... Then I'll just stay where I am and wait for them to recoil in horror at the absolute fething mess that is the rest of the house. My landlord is a hoarder par excellence, and though there may be things worth stealing in this house, none of them are readily accessible. I figure a robber would take a look at the state of the house and figure that there's nothing worth going spelunking for in this landfill and they'd move on to somewhere else.

If they break into my room... well, that means they came in through the window. In that case, I thank them for getting it open for me, because it has been stuck since I moved in a year ago. Then I probably suggest that they try another house, as all they are going to get off me is an old PS1 that only plays when you lean it on its side, a PS2 with a missing outer case, a gakload of little plastic army mens, or a bigger gakload of *unassembled* little plastic army mens.

It pays to rob people who actually have things worth taking, is what I'm saying.

Calling the police is not an option because I can't get cell phone signal in the house, and the land line is dodgy at the best of times.

 Nurgle wrote:

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tneva82 wrote:
Take phone, head for exit. Nothing worth killing so don't have gun and even if had wouldn't use one

Would your next step be to apologize and ask him about his culture
You are too much like the Swedes for your own good lol.

Since door is exact opposite direction to windows i wouldn't see the guy.

Nothing there worth injuring anybody let alone kill. Since in finland we don't have shoot first mentality like america odds of getting killed in burglary is pretty close to zero.

Leave, call cops. Worst that happens is i lose some stuff but since my stuff isn't small and valuable won't be problem. Frankly thief might not even bother to take anything as it takes one guy ages to take enough to get even 3 digits worth.

Most hate to lose items would be japanese books eaah less than euro that i paid. Good luck for thief to find buyer. And for that price i can just rebuy. Aint worth killing for that

Well hmm.
I would get a fair bit of warning. Chihuahuas are are a hell of a warning.
Then, get out my sword cane and have some fun.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well hmm.
I would get a fair bit of warning. Chihuahuas are are a hell of a warning.
Then, get out my sword cane and have some fun.

By 'fun' do you mean they get to re-enact this scene from RAIDERS on you?

Depends on where in the house they tried to break in... its rather massive. If they come in from the deck on the 2nd floor, I wouldn't even know probably. Same with the back of the house compared to the hobby room. But lets assume I do hear them.

Pull out the carry gun (usually keep it on me if I am alone), cell phone, and attempt to leave, preferably out the hobby room window... because its old and stock closed and really could use a replacement that I can vent the fumes out of.

But if I want to Rambo it (say because the lady is home), Carry gun, ensure the small hallway is clear, jump in the closet next to the hobby room, throw on the IIIA vest there, grab flashlight (and OC if I left the carry gun), call the popo. If front living room clear, move to bedroom off it to secure the lady, and leave through the garage (while adding at least 1 more gun to the list).

More likely is 3-5 people breaking in to cause bodily harm to me. I work in public safety and have plenty of enemies from it. In that case, gun, vest, gun safe... AR15, and hold down the fort from there. Its also a choke point and I wouldn't leave until PD was on scene. My bro-in-law also has a 12 gauge in there, but it isn't loaded, and I think the only rounds he has are slugs for the rifled barrel for deer hunting.

sparkywtf wrote:
My bro-in-law also has a 12 gauge in there, but it isn't loaded, and I think the only rounds he has are slugs for the rifled barrel for deer hunting.

Damn, you could've set up a nice scene where one of the burglars bumbles in to you pointing it at him, and with a gak-eating grin you say "Oh deer" and take the shot.

I know a lot of you think it's silly to assume violence, but some of us have had pretty terrifying experiences. My wife and I lived together in SF and then Oakland during a wave of particularly horrific home invasion rapes. We've had guns pointed at us. People have tried to break into our place to commit violence against her roommate's boyfriend, and he was later stabbed in the head by a man whose defense was "Your Honor, I was on speed at the time." In SoCal, one of my Jewish friends was forced to move out of his apt in HB because a gang of skinheads tried to break in and harm him and his wife. The police stopped them, but his address was now known to them. I could tell you a few stories about where we live now...

First time, I went downstairs, unarmed, and asked why they were there. It confused them a lot.
They told me the broken paint and mess on the floor wasn't their doing. I told them that was fine, I'd sort it.

After a long awkward pause, I held the front door open and they left, and I locked it.

Then I sat locked in the bathroom with the tiny slide latch, and put my head on my knees until the police were beaten home by my parents.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

sparkywtf wrote:
My bro-in-law also has a 12 gauge in there, but it isn't loaded, and I think the only rounds he has are slugs for the rifled barrel for deer hunting.

Damn, you could've set up a nice scene where one of the burglars bumbles in to you pointing it at him, and with a gak-eating grin you say "Oh deer" and take the shot.

I didn't even think of that! Time to go load it up, just in case the chance to make a pun comes up.

Send the wife to slow them down while I stow the miniatures in the root cellar.

Hope for more than 5, so I would have an excuse to use the 18 inch sword bayonet? Truth be told, anybody who breaks in through a window is probably going to knock over a book case,the pile of books and unpainted miniatures that falls on them as a result should do the trick.

I live in a 750 sq. foot house thats falling apart on a street with 3 billionares. Someone breaks into my house, its for practice.

Realistically, I'd hand out at the top of my wrap around stairs, and plug them with my .45 if they tried to come up. Unless my son is at my house (his bedroom is on the bottom floor), I have no reason to go down, there is nothing of value to be found there.

I have my loaded AR in my hobby room, but my bullpup SKS is right next to it and might be better for CQB but only has 10 shots. Much bigger shots granted than the AR for 25 shots. But if I need that many than this is not a simple home invasion. Once locked and loaded call 911. Got a 20 minute response time out here, so prep for me comes first.

Three words: litter bomb slingshot.
Nobody is mentally recovering from that gak. Literally.


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Three words: litter bomb slingshot.
Nobody is mentally recovering from that gak. Literally.

 djones520 wrote:
A number of home break ins, with the residents being shot, have occurred in my town in the last few weeks, so this has definitely been one of the those things on my mind of late.

I can't help but think that getting the feth out of there would be more likely to prevent another occurrence of that than hanging around to engage the intruders in a firefight...

tneva82 wrote:
Take phone, head for exit. Nothing worth killing so don't have gun and even if had wouldn't use one

Pretty much this. I have a bit of stuff that would be upsetting to lose, but nothing important enough to warrant potentially getting involved in a shooting match and/or killing anyone over. It's just stuff.

 Inquisitor Lord Bane wrote:
I live in a 750 sq. foot house thats falling apart on a street with 3 billionares. Someone breaks into my house, its for practice..

Also this. We're in easily the shoddiest-looking house in the neighbourhood. Too many more attractive targets for anyone to bother with us.



Although if anyone did, their biggest worry would probably be the cat... She's a cranky old bitch, and doesn't like people much. She had my brother bailed up in the hallway for 20 minutes once when he was over feeding her while we were away... and she knows him. God help anyone else who disturbs her when she's in a bad mood. Which is, you know, most of the time...

 insaniak wrote:
Pretty much this. I have a bit of stuff that would be upsetting to lose, but nothing important enough to warrant potentially getting involved in a shooting match and/or killing anyone over. It's just stuff. .

I don't think you understand what this thread is for at all. It's supposed to be about airing your legally justifiable murder fantasies.

It's the wrong premise setting up the discussion, then. Should have gone with 'Some guy wanders up mid-game and picks up one of your miniatures... what do you do?'





Because then there's some medieval gak going down...

 insaniak wrote:
Should have gone with 'Some guy wanders up mid-game and picks up one of your miniatures... what do you do?'

Politely ask them to put the model down, like a reasonable person.













And then commit justifiable homicide, once my model is back on the table and safe from damage.

 insaniak wrote:
'Some guy wanders up mid-game and picks up one of your miniatures

Invading my home is one thing, but do you have any idea how long I spent painting those minis?

 Ouze wrote:

 insaniak wrote:
Pretty much this. I have a bit of stuff that would be upsetting to lose, but nothing important enough to warrant potentially getting involved in a shooting match and/or killing anyone over. It's just stuff. .

I don't think you understand what this thread is for at all. It's supposed to be about airing your legally justifiable murder fantasies.

Well luckily in Finland simply breaking in isn't permission for the other guy to start shooting down(no wonder our murder rate is only small partion of USA. Safety rocks!). You gun down intruder and if you cannot prove your or other life WAS in serious danger(heaven forbid for example if they don't carry gun. Not that unlikely scenario here since we don't have gung-ho shoot'em'up culture here to create arms race between people and burglars) you will be charged with manslaughter.

If I'm honest, I'd probably be well and truly screwed if the OP's scenario happened. The only weapons I own are a single airsoft handgun (which I don't keep loaded), and a couple of pretty nasty (but short-bladed) knives. My options would be to hide and call the cops (not a lot of places to hide my 330+ pound self in my small apartment though), or try to bolt (again, due to my weight I probably wouldn't get far). If escape was impossible, I would be prepared to go down fighting, hopefully taking at least one assailant down with me in what would be sure to be a short and bloody fight. If I somehow won against all odds, I'd have a lot of explaining to do for the cops as to why one or more men are dead from stab wounds and/or slit throats in my apartment...

I'm far more worried about being mugged on the street at night on the way home from work, though, as I have to walk due to lack of other transportation. For this reason, I always carry a knife in my pocket. I'm probably dead if I end up in a situation where I need it, but I still feel safer having it.

Here's a sea story for you all, it's a no gakker.

A sailor budy of mine was moonlighting as a musician, so of course he was taking all sorts of drugs. one night while high on acid he walks into someones house totally naked, and just sits on their recliner and starts looking for the remote. As the details came from him and he was in no shape to remember much, I'm not sure how the people reacted, but cops were called. It's a good thing it happened in california where they banned guns

so he tells the cops he's high on acid, they arrest him, and the navy gives him a drug test the next day. He passes the drug test, and takes that to the judge to get the drug charges dropped saying he was really just drunk, not high and the charges were dropped

so I guess the lesson here is you don't always have to go for your gun first, you might just save the life of one of our millitary heroes