Seattle Police Need Help Capturing Masked Villian.

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**Breotan**

From the "I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried" file. And, no, we're not talking about Spiderman.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/masturbation/seattle-cops-hunt-creepy-nightcrawler-189307

Police Need Your Help In Capturing "Masked Masturbator" Who Is Targeting Seattle Residence

Seattle police are seeking the public’s help in identifying a suspected serial masturbator who publicly pleasures himself while disguising his identity with a makeshift ninja outfit.

Cops first learned of the masked pervert in January, after a woman called 911 to report that a man was “masturbating outside the front door of her home.” Cops responding to the scene were unable to locate the suspect.

Last month, a night vision camera outside the woman’s residence recorded the suspect again pleasuring himself next to the front door. As seen above and below, the surveillance images--which captured the masked masturbator in the act--show him dressed head-to-toe in dark clothing (the night vision camera makes dark colors appear white).

As seen above, the suspect was wearing a pair of rubberized five toe shoes.

Residents of the targeted home are University of Washington students who say that they have “heard suspicious sounds outside their house on several occasions,” according to cops. Investigators believe that the masked masturbator may have been at the residence four times over the past several months.

Anyone with information about the creepy nightcrawler is asked to contact police at (206) 684-5575.

**feeder**

"Sigh... that's not what I meant when I said, wax on, wax off, Daniel-san."

**reds8n**

.... Fair play with regards to the outfit at least.

**Alpharius**

Could be...Future Foundation Spidey?!?

**Nostromodamus**

I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

**Spinner**

That's the wrong rubberized footwear - he should be wearing crocs.

No, but seriously. Hope they catch him soon.

**KaptinBadrukk**

Very Interesting.

Hope he's caught.

**Alpharius**

There's no doubt he'll be caught soon.

(And this is definitely one of those things that Dakka Dakka could have done without, but...here we are.)

**Shadow Captain Edithae**

I propose we officially label him Fapman.

na na na na na na na Fap Man!

Spoiler:

Is he spanking through the letter box?

Seriously though, thats just weird...And risky. What if theres a dog in the house?

**SilverMK2**

He is just waiting for the long arm of the law to reach around and grab him.

Seriously strange person; hopefully he is caught soon and given treatment for his problem.

**Ouze**

He's the hero this city needs.

**Frazzled**

Nostromodamus wrote:
I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

Indeed. Put yourself in her shoes, or imagine thats your daughter this is happening to.
He's doing this now, but he'll step up and step up.

I would no bill a gal who blasted his ass with 00 buckshot through the door.

**Grey Templar**

Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
I propose we officially label him Fapman.

na na na na na na na Fap Man!

Spoiler:

Is he spanking through the letter box?

Seriously though, thats just weird...And risky. What if theres a dog in the house?

Thankfully from the earlier picture there doesn't appear to be a letter box in that door.

**reds8n**

...Guess the big question is if it will stand up in court.

...

**LordofHats**

reds8n wrote:
...Guess the big question is if it will stand up in court.

...

Why Red XD Why did you have to got here!?

**Jihadin**

I'm so fapergasted. He needs to stay on Seattle side and not cume over to the Peninn....dammit

**AegisGrimm**

I feel the only way to deal with him (as long as no kids are involved) is if he shows up at your house and you see him, just point and laugh.

**flamingkillamajig**

feeder wrote:

"Sigh... that's not what I meant when I said, wax on, wax off, Daniel-san."

Have an Exalt man.

------

Clearly with the 2nd picture in the OP I'd say he lost his keys and tried to use something else to open the door. I'm just going to go with that.

**Relapse**

Nostromodamus wrote:
I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

Agreed. Someone like that needs to get clubbed.

**timetowaste85**

Relapse wrote:
Nostromodamus wrote:
I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

Agreed. Someone like that needs to get clubbed.

Dreadsock? Actually, wait; terrible idea bringing socks into the mix!!

**KingCracker**

Shouldn't this go in the Ninjas wanted thread a few spots down?

**Sinful Hero**

A fenced in lawn, and a big dog might be a non-violent solution to the problem...until he steps over the fence.

**DutchWinsAll**

Frazzled wrote:
Nostromodamus wrote:
I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

Indeed. Put yourself in her shoes, or imagine thats your daughter this is happening to.
He's doing this now, but he'll step up and step up.

I would no bill a gal who blasted his ass with 00 buckshot through the door.

So we should be murdering people now for what is a non-violent crime? If he's breaking into a house and jerking it over your sleeping form you've got a leg to stand on, but blasting someone for being nude outside your house is kinda well, murder.

Some tired tripe about being a father to follow I'm sure.

**ZergSmasher**

Just set up a booby trap so when he whips out his thing, some kind of stick or something whacks it. He'll learn...

**Sinful Hero**

ZergSmasher wrote:
Just set up a booby trap so when he whips out his thing, some kind of stick or something whacks it. He'll learn...

Fairly sure booby traps and such are illegal, but it surely would be effective.

**Grey Templar**

ZergSmasher wrote:
Just set up a booby trap so when he whips out his thing, some kind of stick or something whacks it. He'll learn...

I'm trying to envision how that would even work. Do you put up a "fap here" sign?

**Shadow Captain Edithae**

Sinful Hero wrote:
ZergSmasher wrote:
Just set up a booby trap so when he whips out his thing, some kind of stick or something whacks it. He'll learn...

Fairly sure booby traps and such are illegal, but it surely would be effective.

What about rabid dachshunds trained to go for the sausage? I'm sure Frazzled would agree.

**hotsauceman1**

Great, Its Fappening again.
I hope this can just blow over.
Man, that would just take a load off of everything.
I mean really? I hope he just gets off my property

Automatically Appended Next Post:

Ouze wrote:
He's the hero this city needs.

No, he is the hero we deserve.

**Relapse**

DutchWinsAll wrote:
Frazzled wrote:
Nostromodamus wrote:
I'm sure this will get a lot of lolposts, but I find it sick and not a joking matter. Hopefully he is caught soon. I can't imagine how it makes the victims feel.

Indeed. Put yourself in her shoes, or imagine thats your daughter this is happening to.
He's doing this now, but he'll step up and step up.

I would no bill a gal who blasted his ass with 00 buckshot through the door.

So we should be murdering people now for what is a non-violent crime? If he's breaking into a house and jerking it over your sleeping form you've got a leg to stand on, but blasting someone for being nude outside your house is kinda well, murder.

Some tired tripe about being a father to follow I'm sure.

Maybe not a shotgun, but a nice working over with a 2 by 4 would be just the ticket. It might be a tired tripe, but I have daughters I am very protective of, and I don't think anyone should have to put up with nightly visits from animals like this guy.

**Shadow Captain Edithae**

hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ouze wrote:
He's the hero this city needs.
No, he is the hero we deserve.

But not the one we lust for right now.