Things you are no longer allowed to do in game

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**master of ordinance**

Okay, so after an inspiring read of the 2400 things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG I have decided that we Dakkanoughts need to do something similar. So come one and come all, post the things that your GM/DM/Opponents have banned you from ever doing again in a game. As per usual OP starts:

1) I am no longer allowed to kill the plot critical NPC
2) The next character I roll up shall not be on the wrong side of the civil war
3) No starting inter dimensional wars
4) My reaction to the beautiful fey lady attempting to confuse us should not be "Open fire"
5) Killing the plot critical NPC's animal companion, no matter what the reason, is a bad idea
6) If my Shadowsword (or variant) kills three or more units in a single shot it will be vetoed next game
7) When playing 40K it is assumed that my army will move outside of its own deployment zone at some point
8) If my British preliminary bombardment kills the Italian officer I am not allowed to call him 'Mr Pizza'
9) Likewise, if any Infantry are killed they are not automatically 'Bolegnese sauce'
10) No matter what over powered homebrews my opponent fields the Hades class is banned
11) If the Vampire MTG deck ever appears again it will be burned
12) The same goes for the Spider deck
13) I shall not minmax my lists, even if my opponent is a notorious power gamer
14) No matter what the dickish player did I shall not knock them cold and the coup'd grace them. Even if it is in character.
15) The next time the base of operations is burning it shall be assumed that my first priority is to get people out, not rescue my favourite gun
16) Pixies are not for eating

**TheCustomLime**

1) No puns.
2) I have to actually shake the dice before rolling.
3) I can not claim the Ultramarines are the greatest Legion. Even though they are.
4) Rending on vehicles does not make the hit AP2
5) My Spartan Assault Tank can not live past turn 2. No exceptions.
6) No shooting innocent civilians.
7) No shooting unarmed prisoners.
8) No shooting kittens.
9) In general, shooting is not an acceptable universal response to all of life's problems.
10) The fighter shall not leave his squishier allies for dead.
11) No swearing around kids. This I do need to legitimately watch myself for.
12) It is not acceptable to make pew pew noises when playimg X-wing unless drunk.

**War Kitten**

1. No bad jokes
2. No rolling the dice behind terrain, even though I use the results legitimately
3. Rolling a natural 20 on a death saving throw in DnD does not make me a demi-god
4. No punching the Bard, even if he makes REALLY bad jokes
5. No Devastator Centurions in 40k
6. No stabbing civilians, no matter how shifty they are
7. My Leman Russ shall not survive past turn one. No exceptions
8. No forgeworld units in regular games of 40k
10.Sound effects are NOT ok during games of 40k, no matter how appropriate they may seem.
11. No stabbing annoying NPC's
12. Regardless of what is going on, stabbing someone is NOT the appropriate first reaction

**Vulcan**

I have the feeling that once the current campaign is over, my PCs will no longer be allowed to let themselves be seduced by any attractive woman (or simulation thereof: e.g succubi) we run into.

**ChaoticMind**

Don't call the Necropunks by Alyce's name for them: Knife Babies.
Similarly they're Hollow Waifs not Bimbonies.
Even if you haven't actually played Leviticus before if you have an idea how no playing him against the newbs.
Killjoy is a privilege not a right.

**master of ordinance**

Thanks for all the replies, this is going great

Some more from me:
17) Whilst they may be inspiring and uplifting, SS marching songs are not allowed at the table, even if I am running an SS platoon
18) German accents are banned until further notice
20) My Ironclad is not a Sumo wrestler

**SkavenLord**

RPGs
1) Don't pass people swords by throwing them at the person.
2) If you set a tree on fire in a heavily forested area, don't ,"forget," to put it out.
3) Never use rapiers to break a prisoner's chains.
4) Even if you run a squid-themed character, you're not allowed to steal the plot-important squid altar.
5) Due to recent events, no longer allowed to stand idly by while the party has a heated, 30 minute debate on whether or not to cut down trees.
6) No longer to say that we'll have reinforcements and forget they were there until the encounter's over.

Wargames:
1) I am no longer to execute Captain Sicarius for, "insubordination."
2) For the sake of not single singlehandedly annihilating a third of the enemy's forces, I am no longer allowed to name any character Smiley... ever.

**Compel**

You've all forgotten the most important rule.

Thou shalt not quote Monty Python when playing a RPG.

**SkavenLord**

Compel wrote:
You've all forgotten the most important rule.

Thou shalt not quote Monty Python when playing a RPG.

Now normally I'd disagree but... yeah, after accidentally cutting a party member's arm off with their own sword, it's hard not to try and back it up with, "It's just a flesh wound."

**Crazy_Carnifex**

When attacked by a dragon, I will not roll over and go back to sleep.

**Mr_Piddlez**

A couple new rules from last time I played my schizophrenic barbarian.

1. When faced with a new threat, the first solution should never be to "toss the gnome at it and see what happens"

2. I am no longer allowed to tame a T-Rex by jumping on it and breaking it "rodeo style", no matter how high my animal handling skill, grapple modifier, or how many 20s I roll. Especially when that T-Rex has the ability to eat the story critical boss before he can tell the party its next objective.

3. On that note. Let the story critical boss monologue to give the players the next objective. All bosses have +5 in Monologue. Let them use it. It's hard to find the next objective when your only clue is digesting in your new pets stomach.

4. If i am to drink a potion of giants growth to fight a wyvern in a fist fight. I should keep the amount of godzilla like roars and bad lipsyncing to a minimum.

5. When working towards a renown title, "The Horse Puncher" should not be one I'm aiming for.

6. I am no longer allowed to hit on and sleep with every woman or womanlike entity I come across. While fun at the time, the amount of broken marriages, angered husbands/wives, lynching parties, interdimensional destabilization, civil wars, awakened liches, and one particular brothel becoming infested my succubi have made my party close to making me play a eunuch from this day forward.

7.When asked to return a hostage alive. "Mostly" is not an acceptable qualifier.

8. "Disarming traps" does not mean letting the gnome go first.

9. "Disarming alarms" does not mean punching it until it stops making noise.

10. I am no longer alowed to threaten barkeeps for forgetting the "little umbrella" in my drinks.

**hungryp**

Recently:

No charging the party's only healer into solo combat with a dragon, even if he does have the Dragonsword.

"I roar back," is not an appropriate response when an animal much bigger than you roars menacingly.

**ghost23**

Got this 1 ages ago in battletech:

1.Never ever ever allowed to blow up nuclear reactor power plants

, so many many dead or irradiated that day *whoops*

**War Kitten**

Mr_Piddlez wrote:
A couple new rules from last time I played my schizophrenic barbarian.

1. When faced with a new threat, the first solution should never be to "toss the gnome at it and see what happens"

2. I am no longer allowed to tame a T-Rex by jumping on it and breaking it "rodeo style", no matter how high my animal handling skill, grapple modifier, or how many 20s I roll. Especially when that T-Rex has the ability to eat the story critical boss before he can tell the party its next objective.

3. On that note. Let the story critical boss monologue to give the players the next objective. All bosses have +5 in Monologue. Let them use it. It's hard to find the next objective when your only clue is digesting in your new pets stomach.

4. If i am to drink a potion of giants growth to fight a wyvern in a fist fight. I should keep the amount of godzilla like roars and bad lipsyncing to a minimum.

5. When working towards a renown title, "The Horse Puncher" should not be one I'm aiming for.

6. I am no longer allowed to hit on and sleep with every woman or womanlike entity I come across. While fun at the time, the amount of broken marriages, angered husbands/wives, lynching parties, interdimensional destabilization, civil wars, awakened liches, and one particular brothel becoming infested my succubi have made my party close to making me play a eunuch from this day forward.

7.When asked to return a hostage alive. "Mostly" is not an acceptable qualifier.

8. "Disarming traps" does not mean letting the gnome go first.

9. "Disarming alarms" does not mean punching it until it stops making noise.

10. I am no longer alowed to threaten barkeeps for forgetting the "little umbrella" in my drinks.

I laughed so hard at this.

**General Hobbs**

1. Dress as your character. For the record, I look damn good in a corset, fishnets and stripper heels. I was playing a plate armored paladin, but hey....

**Mr_Piddlez**

War Kitten wrote:
Mr_Piddlez wrote:
A couple new rules from last time I played my schizophrenic barbarian.

1. When faced with a new threat, the first solution should never be to "toss the gnome at it and see what happens"

2. I am no longer allowed to tame a T-Rex by jumping on it and breaking it "rodeo style", no matter how high my animal handling skill, grapple modifier, or how many 20s I roll. Especially when that T-Rex has the ability to eat the story critical boss before he can tell the party its next objective.

3. On that note. Let the story critical boss monologue to give the players the next objective. All bosses have +5 in Monologue. Let them use it. It's hard to find the next objective when your only clue is digesting in your new pets stomach.

4. If i am to drink a potion of giants growth to fight a wyvern in a fist fight. I should keep the amount of godzilla like roars and bad lipsyncing to a minimum.

5. When working towards a renown title, "The Horse Puncher" should not be one I'm aiming for.

6. I am no longer allowed to hit on and sleep with every woman or womanlike entity I come across. While fun at the time, the amount of broken marriages, angered husbands/wives, lynching parties, interdimensional destabilization, civil wars, awakened liches, and one particular brothel becoming infested my succubi have made my party close to making me play a eunuch from this day forward.

7.When asked to return a hostage alive. "Mostly" is not an acceptable qualifier.

8. "Disarming traps" does not mean letting the gnome go first.

9. "Disarming alarms" does not mean punching it until it stops making noise.

10. I am no longer allowed to threaten barkeeps for forgetting the "little umbrella" in my drinks.

I laughed so hard at this.

Kinda what I was aiming for. I was a nightmare for my DM when he was trying to keep the story serious. He eventually caved and just let the story get campy and ridiculous, since there was no way he could really control it without railroading us and making it hard for us to keep interest. It got to the point where the gnome I tormented all the time and I became the faces of the party, which made it so much more amusing when we would quarrel directly in front of important nobles, evil sorcerers, and one very traumatized blacksmith that we had to inform of his Son's death. Gnome decided that a signet ring he had would be enough proof. I had decided we just better bring the Son's corpse instead. Imagine the smith and gnome's surprise when i just dropped him like a sack of potatoes in the middle of the Smithy.

**master of ordinance**

21) Even if my Company Commander did just solo a Primarch in hand to hand combat I shall keep the victory laps to a maximum of one
22) There is more to diplomacy than having a bigger gun
23) When challenged to a no vehicle 40K game it is generally assumed that over half my army will not consist of of-board artillery strikes
24) For that matter, in any game of 40K it is generally assumed that I will spend more than half my points on models and not off-board artillery strikes
25) The Skaven Slave Column is forever banned
26) When dealing with a major boss the plan has to be more than "lets take this airship and bomb them"
27) I will not call the Cleric "Lucius's private stripper" even if she is sleeping with said NPC
28) I will not feed the ten year old psychotic witch vast quantities of sugar just to see what happens

**War Kitten**

13. If I receive visions of the Bard falling down into a pit I am not allowed to hog tie her and carry her around to keep her safe.
14. If I make my character have super high AC the GM has the right to have all the bad guys attack me
15. Furthermore, having that high AC does not entitle me to claim that I am indeed invincible
16. I am no longer allowed to speak for the party due to an incident involving an angry Sorceror
17. I am not allowed to hum the Mission Impossible theme song while infiltrating my scouts
18. I am no longer allowed to bring Cerberus Tank Destroyer's into 40k games
19. I am not allowed to make fun of the Hafling Rogue's height, no matter how funny it is
20. "Burn it down!" is no longer an acceptable reply when a town refuses to let me in

**wildphilldude**

Not allowed to shoot any and all r2 units on sight in star wars RPG , I shot one once by mistake and the shot bounced back onto me and since then I've been trying to take my revenge

**hotsauceman1**

Im no longer allowed to wear my commissar hat to game night.
Apparently one of the parents of the kids that played there thought I was wearing a nazi cap

**Compel**

Naturally I assume you corrected then buy song, "nah, it's Soviet Russian" :-P

**RivenSkull**

My playgroup barred me from building more land destruction decks in MTG.

**Trondheim**

I am no longer allowed to open bulk heads that has been barricaded, to see if any good loot is to be found.
No longer allowed to be resposible for the safe keeping of daemonicaly infused bronze figures.
Under any circumstanses am I allowed to consume liberal amounts of "mystery" potions sold by shady individuals

**Deadshot**

This thread is golden

**Cleatus**

From my recent foray into X-wing:
I am not allowed to refer to Keyan Farlander as "Keylime Pielander".
I am not allowed to refer to Etahn A'baht as "Eatin' A Boat."
I am not allowed to refer to Ello Asty as " `elo Nasty!"
Quoting Space Balls is also frowned upon by some. Apparently.

yeah...

Oh, forgot one:
I am no longer allowed to hum my own theme music when my character/Warlord arrives on the scene.

**Trondheim**

After a somewhat.... Bloody sesion of dark heresy today I have things to add to my list.
I am no longer allowed to be the person dealing with NCPs that needs reasurces that we will not bring about bloody mayhem.
No longer allowed to fire flares into dark and gloomy vaults
Under NO circumsantses should I say that we have dealt with the worst of it now, and surely noting Worse can happen now

**War Kitten**

I got a few more.

I am no longer allowed to break out the Imperial Guard soundboard from DoW whenever I play Guard

In Edge of the Empire I am no longer allowed to inject random homeless people with experimental combat drugs I made.

I am no longer allowed to use the bard as an improvised throwing weapon

**Compel**

War Kitten wrote:

I am no longer allowed to use the bard as an improvised throwing weapon

Why, is he a dwarf?

**War Kitten**

Compel wrote:
War Kitten wrote:

I am no longer allowed to use the bard as an improvised throwing weapon

Why, is he a dwarf?

Technically she was a Halfling, but I digress