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Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





Denison, Iowa

This is a bit of a personal story that I need to get off my chest, and possibly ask for advice.

The back story: I'm really close with my wife's family. I've known them for 12 years, and I watched her little sister grow up.


My wife's family is old-school. Religious values, hard working, traditional morals. Two years ago my wife's little sister hit a snag. She started dating a guy that is WAY below her. Before they started dating she was 17, very attractive, smart, college bound, a "good girl" and had a good personality. Then she met this guy. He was 19, high school drop out, no GED, completely ignorant, never had a job, no desire to work a job, broke as a joke, lives in his parents' basement, no car, no driver's license (taken away). He's not even attractive (seriously he boarders on fugly).

Three months into dating, she gets knocked up. Only then do we realize that this guy has moderate ADHD, has a minor criminal record, and has some substance abuse problems. She sticks with him, and against her parents' wishes, moves in with him. She starts missing school so much that graduating seems impossible. The only reason she did graduate was a counselor allowing her to do all her work online to get caught up, and me spending a week with her teaching her 4 months of missed school. In the end she did graduate, but barely. The entire time she is working a full-time job supporting him.

After the child is born I become the Godfather, and I try to maintain a relationship with my Goddaughter.

He then convinces my sister in law to move 300 miles away because "he has a job waiting for him, and she can be a stay-at-home mom". They move, but no job was given to him. In the 16 months since then, he worked construction for 9 days (fired for being high on weed), odd jobs here and there, and a couple other jobs that never seem to keep him employed for more than a month. They've been evicted from 4 apartments for failure to pay, borrowed thousands of dollars from various family members (no ability to pay it back), dodged an animal cruelty charge after leaving their cat in the abandoned apartment without food for 3 weeks, he is a suspect in a hit and run, he was involuntarily committed after going crazy on bath salts, and the Department of Human services are threatening to take custody of their daughter. To top things off, I know he's hit my wife's sister at least once in public. I suspect its happened more.

While I worry about my sister in law and how she has turned into major white-trash, I'm more worried for my God daughter as she has no say in her situation. Every time anyone voices concern it simply leads to more alienation and digging-in of heels.

The boyfriend deserves a beat-down, but I'm trying to be civil as one of the few left they talk to. At this point I'm sure the only way she'd accept the help she needs is if the boyfriend fatally overdoses and she's left alone.

Any advice from you guys?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/25 09:56:59


 
   
Made in us
Calculating Commissar




pontiac, michigan; usa

Honestly i don't think i have any advice that wouldn't get you in trouble. That guy really deserved an *** whoopin. I've known a few people that were similar but one had looks to fall back on and the other is just a man-child that lives in a home his mom pays for. I have no idea what the 2nd one i mentioned sees in himself but he thinks he a stud even though he's creepy and looks really dorky.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/25 10:06:19


Join skavenblight today!

http://the-under-empire.proboards.com/ (my skaven forum) 
   
Made in us
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Pleasant Valley, Iowa

 cuda1179 wrote:
Any advice from you guys?


Yeah, but you won't like it.

Don't give them money.

Don't bother with value judgments or unsolicited advice, they don't want to hear it. Be available to let her stay with you if she needs to leave, Be available to take custody of your goddaughter if that becomes necessary. Be a non-judgmental safe place.

Otherwise accept that they are adults and they will make their own choices and you have little to no power in this situation.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2016/06/25 10:10:44


 lord_blackfang wrote:
Respect to the guy who subscribed just to post a massive ASCII dong in the chat and immediately get banned.

 Flinty wrote:
The benefit of slate is that its.actually a.rock with rock like properties. The downside is that it's a rock
 
   
Made in us
Calculating Commissar




pontiac, michigan; usa

I'd say the best i could figure you can do is try to see about the domestic abuse angle of it. I knew a girl that had her friend constantly beaten up by her boyfriend and she called the police. That guy was in jail for it last i heard. I mean it might not work out but it's worth a shot i guess. They may need proof of it though.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/25 10:33:59


Join skavenblight today!

http://the-under-empire.proboards.com/ (my skaven forum) 
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





Denison, Iowa

 Ouze wrote:
 cuda1179 wrote:
Any advice from you guys?


Yeah, but you won't like it.

Don't give them money.

Don't bother with value judgments or unsolicited advice, they don't want to hear it. Be available to let her stay with you if she needs to leave, Be available to take custody of your goddaughter if that becomes necessary. Be a non-judgmental safe place.

Otherwise accept that they are adults and they will make their own choices and you have little to no power in this situation.


I'm WAY ahead of you on the not lending money part. No way, no how. If push comes to shove, I'm considering whether or not to give my opinion to DHS on them taking custody of my Goddaughter.
   
Made in gb
Keeper of the Holy Orb of Antioch





avoiding the lorax on Crion

 cuda1179 wrote:
 Ouze wrote:
 cuda1179 wrote:
Any advice from you guys?


Yeah, but you won't like it.

Don't give them money.

Don't bother with value judgments or unsolicited advice, they don't want to hear it. Be available to let her stay with you if she needs to leave, Be available to take custody of your goddaughter if that becomes necessary. Be a non-judgmental safe place.

Otherwise accept that they are adults and they will make their own choices and you have little to no power in this situation.


I'm WAY ahead of you on the not lending money part. No way, no how. If push comes to shove, I'm considering whether or not to give my opinion to DHS on them taking custody of my Goddaughter.


Be the hardest thing to do but if it comes to it. The kid comes first. Do best by the kid and have a welcoming home for them. The kid does not deserve to have a bad life even if the parents choose one.

Sgt. Vanden - OOC Hey, that was your doing. I didn't choose to fly in the "Dongerprise'.

"May the odds be ever in your favour"

Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
I have no clue how Dakka's moderation work. I expect it involves throwing a lot of d100 and looking at many random tables.

FudgeDumper - It could be that you are just so uncomfortable with the idea of your chapters primarch having his way with a docile tyranid spore cyst, that you must deny they have any feelings at all.  
   
Made in au
Adopted Son of the Emperor




Flailing on the beach like a beached whale. While also wearing fashionable panties.

Give the little gak(Step-sisters hubby) an ass-whooping that he deserves. Domestic abuse is the biggest nono to me. After that, grab your step-sister, get her to move in with you and your wife, then take care of the child in a loving and caring way. It's a thousand times better than what your goddaughter would recieve from that dill weed.

I'm passionate about this mind you. And good luck, with whatever you do.

TheEyeOfNight I swear, this thread is 70% smack talk, 20% RP organization, and 10% butt jokes.
Tactical_Spam Vanden clearly loves making sweet sweet love to his school. He is the most passionate, learning oriented individual you will ever meet.
War Kitten You should ask nicely before hitting people with your stick Vanden. We're a polite society after all.
2BlackJack1 Snow is great though. Snowmen, snowball fights, frostbite, snow forts, what's not to love?
Kharne the Befriender It's just the smug look of eternal irony while you wait for Creed to pull out his Baneblade so you can steal it.
War Kitten I love how this has gone from a deathly serious war to a discussion about how Vanden is secretly a whale wearing panties. Welcome to the Crusade of Fury.
Irishpeacockz Well this crusade will be endless then as I imagine Vandan has a large collection of inflatables lying around
 
   
Made in au
Primered White





twmba QLD

Thats a big no-no if you want to have a chance of getting the kid though, as violence goes against you in the eyes of the law, and beating the father up is more likely to drive the step-sister away than to get her to come home. I won't say more then that as different rules in usa to aus, i've actually been involved in quiet a few similar -erhm, incidents? in my life, though that was due to people i used to be around but i know reg's ect are different where you are. Good luck with it though, ouze has given you the best advice.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/25 11:37:32



Karol wrote:
Our reality does not have a wacky magical parallel twin universe made of 'emotions' that reflects back and amplifies the worst impulses of people in the 'real' world.

What is social media?
 
   
Made in au
Adopted Son of the Emperor




Flailing on the beach like a beached whale. While also wearing fashionable panties.

I see Queensland is a lot different to Melbourne xD.
That, and none of my family would EVER allow domestic abuse.

But I see the logic in your words, and I also can see how that would just drive the partner of said beat-upee away.


TheEyeOfNight I swear, this thread is 70% smack talk, 20% RP organization, and 10% butt jokes.
Tactical_Spam Vanden clearly loves making sweet sweet love to his school. He is the most passionate, learning oriented individual you will ever meet.
War Kitten You should ask nicely before hitting people with your stick Vanden. We're a polite society after all.
2BlackJack1 Snow is great though. Snowmen, snowball fights, frostbite, snow forts, what's not to love?
Kharne the Befriender It's just the smug look of eternal irony while you wait for Creed to pull out his Baneblade so you can steal it.
War Kitten I love how this has gone from a deathly serious war to a discussion about how Vanden is secretly a whale wearing panties. Welcome to the Crusade of Fury.
Irishpeacockz Well this crusade will be endless then as I imagine Vandan has a large collection of inflatables lying around
 
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka




 Sgt. Vanden wrote:
Give the little gak(Step-sisters hubby) an ass-whooping that he deserves. Domestic abuse is the biggest nono to me. After that, grab your step-sister, get her to move in with you and your wife, then take care of the child in a loving and caring way. It's a thousand times better than what your goddaughter would recieve from that dill weed.

I'm passionate about this mind you. And good luck, with whatever you do.


I've seen this scenario played out a few times.Giving an ass whooping is not going to do anything but make her situation worse, and possibly land someone in jail, if she is that taken with him, under his control, etc. He'll just take it out on her or act like the tragic hero in a half assed drama, or whatever else keeps her under his control. The move hundreds of miles away sounds like a move calculated to isolate her from the family and bring her more under his control.
Ouze has it right on what he says to do. If she comes to you or another family member for support, make sure it's not a money grab ploy and help her in whatever way seems most prudent.
   
Made in ru
Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot





Room

Don't try to teach them with words. Just don't give them money. It really works better. Say him go to work. If he bullying just punch him in face as he start to do so. Even if he stronger, he will think nex time before

Mordant 92nd 'Acid Dogs'
The Lost and Damned
Inquisition
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut






New Orleans, LA

 Ouze wrote:
 cuda1179 wrote:
Any advice from you guys?


Yeah, but you won't like it.

Don't give them money.

Don't bother with value judgments or unsolicited advice, they don't want to hear it. Be available to let her stay with you if she needs to leave, Be available to take custody of your goddaughter if that becomes necessary. Be a non-judgmental safe place.

Otherwise accept that they are adults and they will make their own choices and you have little to no power in this situation.


All of these things. Be a good role model for your god daughter, never give them money. Take her to fun places, children's museums, whatever you have around.

DA:70S+G+M+B++I++Pw40k08+D++A++/fWD-R+T(M)DM+
 
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka




I've seen it happen the other way, also, when a good man gets tangled with a worthless woman. Ouze's advice still applies.
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





Denison, Iowa

As much as I want to hit this guy, I think my best bet is to be the silent support network like Ouze stated.


That being said, if I EVER see this man get physical in my presence than all bets are off. No, I'm not really afraid of him. I have an advantage of 6 inches of height, 5 inches of reach, 100 pounds, and unlike him I don't smoke 2 packs per day.
   
Made in gb
Calculating Commissar




Frostgrave

Yeah, no good will come from beatin him to a pulp, unless it's in self defense

Best you can do is make yourself available to the sister and daughter, and not worry too much about all the whys.
   
Made in us
5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)




The Great State of Texas

 cuda1179 wrote:
This is a bit of a personal story that I need to get off my chest, and possibly ask for advice.

The back story: I'm really close with my wife's family. I've known them for 12 years, and I watched her little sister grow up.


My wife's family is old-school. Religious values, hard working, traditional morals. Two years ago my wife's little sister hit a snag. She started dating a guy that is WAY below her. Before they started dating she was 17, very attractive, smart, college bound, a "good girl" and had a good personality. Then she met this guy. He was 19, high school drop out, no GED, completely ignorant, never had a job, no desire to work a job, broke as a joke, lives in his parents' basement, no car, no driver's license (taken away). He's not even attractive (seriously he boarders on fugly).

Three months into dating, she gets knocked up. Only then do we realize that this guy has moderate ADHD, has a minor criminal record, and has some substance abuse problems. She sticks with him, and against her parents' wishes, moves in with him. She starts missing school so much that graduating seems impossible. The only reason she did graduate was a counselor allowing her to do all her work online to get caught up, and me spending a week with her teaching her 4 months of missed school. In the end she did graduate, but barely. The entire time she is working a full-time job supporting him.

After the child is born I become the Godfather, and I try to maintain a relationship with my Goddaughter.

He then convinces my sister in law to move 300 miles away because "he has a job waiting for him, and she can be a stay-at-home mom". They move, but no job was given to him. In the 16 months since then, he worked construction for 9 days (fired for being high on weed), odd jobs here and there, and a couple other jobs that never seem to keep him employed for more than a month. They've been evicted from 4 apartments for failure to pay, borrowed thousands of dollars from various family members (no ability to pay it back), dodged an animal cruelty charge after leaving their cat in the abandoned apartment without food for 3 weeks, he is a suspect in a hit and run, he was involuntarily committed after going crazy on bath salts, and the Department of Human services are threatening to take custody of their daughter. To top things off, I know he's hit my wife's sister at least once in public. I suspect its happened more.

While I worry about my sister in law and how she has turned into major white-trash, I'm more worried for my God daughter as she has no say in her situation. Every time anyone voices concern it simply leads to more alienation and digging-in of heels.

The boyfriend deserves a beat-down, but I'm trying to be civil as one of the few left they talk to. At this point I'm sure the only way she'd accept the help she needs is if the boyfriend fatally overdoses and she's left alone.

Any advice from you guys?


Hypothetically as a father I'd disappear him, but that would be wrong.
Are you ready to be foster parents. There sounds like a high likelihood of that.

-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
 
   
Made in us
Douglas Bader






The people suggesting violence are getting it completely wrong. You need to seduce him, sleep with him, and tell her that he cheated on her with you (ideally by showing her the sex tape). Then, when he divorces her and confesses his true love for you (or at least for the money you have to fund his drug problems) you dump him and sleep with her instead (after watching you with her ex she'll be madly in lust with you). Yeah, this will probably create a lot of drama, but it's guaranteed to get rid of him and you can probably make some money selling your story on various shows.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/25 23:12:10


There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices. 
   
Made in nl
Pragmatic Primus Commanding Cult Forces






 Peregrine wrote:
The people suggesting violence are getting it completely wrong. You need to seduce him, sleep with him, and tell her that he cheated on her with you (ideally by showing her the sex tape). Then, when he divorces her and confesses his true love for you (or at least for the money you have to fund his drug problems) you dump him and sleep with her instead (after watching you with her ex she'll be madly in lust with you). Yeah, this will probably create a lot of drama, but it's guaranteed to get rid of him and you can probably make some money selling your story on various shows.



You get to have sex and solve the problem? What more could you possibly ask for? It is a win-win!

Error 404: Interesting signature not found

 
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





Denison, Iowa

 Peregrine wrote:
The people suggesting violence are getting it completely wrong. You need to seduce him, sleep with him, and tell her that he cheated on her with you (ideally by showing her the sex tape). Then, when he divorces her and confesses his true love for you (or at least for the money you have to fund his drug problems) you dump him and sleep with her instead (after watching you with her ex she'll be madly in lust with you). Yeah, this will probably create a lot of drama, but it's guaranteed to get rid of him and you can probably make some money selling your story on various shows.


Thanks for the laugh man, I kind of needed it.
   
Made in us
Member of the Ethereal Council






I was in a similiar situation when It came to a sibling & aunt. Long story short, sister made several mistakes down the line and refused to work so she could pay for her rent/food. now im not well off, but I have a large savings account of my accumulated grant money. My aunt said I should give that to my sister so she shouldnt have to go into dept to pay for school(BTW, the savings is mostly going to be used for me to pay off my loans when I am not working)
As much as i love my sister and my aunt, when they said I should go in dept for my sister I said one thing
No.
I have cut them off completely and things on facebook about all the gaming conventions I go to and me sleeping on a bed made out of Ipads
So basically Cut them off and be passive aggressive.

5000pts 6000pts 3000pts
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut






New Orleans, LA

 cuda1179 wrote:
As much as I want to hit this guy, I think my best bet is to be the silent support network like Ouze stated.


That being said, if I EVER see this man get physical in my presence than all bets are off. No, I'm not really afraid of him. I have an advantage of 6 inches of height, 5 inches of reach, 100 pounds, and unlike him I don't smoke 2 packs per day.


It would be better long term to call 911 if you witness violence than get dragged into anything.

DA:70S+G+M+B++I++Pw40k08+D++A++/fWD-R+T(M)DM+
 
   
Made in us
Dakka Veteran






Everyone has some sort of value even if you may not think much of them, just because you don't see what he brings to the table doesn't mean that he has no worth.

If anyone is to blame with the current situation it's her as she was dumb enough to fall for the guy and further enables his behavior. Obviously he has some issues, but no matter what the rest of the family says it comes down to her choice to stay with him or not. It's understandable that you don't like the guy, but you're an in-law so you're on the outside just as much as he is (since you're not blood). If she really had much to offer she would have found better, she clearly made her choice to be with this guy so the best you can do is ignore the dude and leave it at that.

The more you try to interfere or turn the family against him the wider the rift is going to get, if it's really about caring for the kid then you need to be the bigger man and treat him with respect and accept that he's part of the family even if you don't feel he's worthy. Not saying you should support him but being aggressive or hostile about the situation hasn't been working nor will it magically start working in the future. People don't change and it's a waste of time to try and force it upon them as it only serves to make you look like a jerk in their eyes and builds an even bigger wall between the family members.

In the meantime just pray that he lands a hot shot overdose and removes himself from everyone's life.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2016/06/26 16:35:45


 
   
Made in us
Regular Dakkanaut





Illinois

This is why I'm terrified of having children of my own.
   
Made in us
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Pleasant Valley, Iowa

 stanman wrote:
If anyone is to blame with the current situation it's her as she was dumb enough to fall for the guy and further enables his behavior. Obviously he has some issues, but no matter what the rest of the family says it comes down to her choice to stay with him or not.


Yes. My nephew had a similar situation, in some ways - a good kid who fell in with a bad girl in this case. I spoke with a therapist friend who knew him, and she said it's easy to point to someone else as a bad influence, things would just be OK if this person was out of the picture! The problem with that line of thinking is, it's not true.

Something in your wife's little sister and my nephew chose this. People settle for the level of love they feel they deserve. If you somehow chased that person off, which you can't realistically, then they are just going to hook up again with someone else like that.

Stay as positive an influence as you can, offer nonfinancial help and support, be someone they can talk to, and accept that's all you can do. Also, don't listen to the internet tough guys saying to beat him up, all that's going to do is forever and irreversibly torpedo both any shot at possible future custody as well as any opportunities for influence you have later.

 Monkey Tamer wrote:
This is why I'm terrified of having children of my own.


You should be, man. I hate kids and decided not to have any - my wife already had a few from a prior marriage. People say that kids are the best and so on but from where I am sitting kids are a nightmare.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2016/06/26 18:22:28


 
   
Made in us
Monstrous Master Moulder




Rust belt

Just make him an offer he can't refuse.
   
Made in gb
Assassin with Black Lotus Poison





Bristol

 Chute82 wrote:
Just make him an offer he can't refuse.


This seems like it ties neatly into Peregrine's plan...

OP, you are in a really gakky situation
If you see any signs of domestic violence, any at all, go straight to the police and go straight to Child Services. Take it from someone who is in a relationship with someone who suffered domestic violence, it is not something I would wish upon anybody. The emotional harm it causes massively outweighs the physical in the long run, in my experience.

That poor kid deserves so much better and I hope one day she can get it.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2016/06/27 14:28:56


The Laws of Thermodynamics:
1) You cannot win. 2) You cannot break even. 3) You cannot stop playing the game.

Colonel Flagg wrote:You think you're real smart. But you're not smart; you're dumb. Very dumb. But you've met your match in me.
 
   
Made in us
Pestilent Plague Marine with Blight Grenade





Tornado Alley

OK, first off, not everyone has worth. It is a fact, doesn't mean you make them disappear(necessarily).

For once I think I'm in agreement with Ouze. She will never leave based on any evidence, logic, or advice. She will leave when she has hit rock bottom, has had a significant emotional event that will allow her to lift the veil and see the situation for what it really is. Unfortunately for many women in this situation it happens as they are being beaten to death. If it begins looking like that is the road, intervene in a legal way, so as to ensure custody of your Godchild.

As a father of 3 daughters I would go the Frazzled route myself, but I am not afraid of violence. If you wan't to be the guardian of this innocent child, then you have to wait for the opportunity to present itself, work within the confines of the law, however restricting it may be, and remove that child from the situation. The mother will have to remove herself.


10k CSM
1.5k Thousand Sons
2k Death Guard
3k Tau
3k Daemons(Tzeentch and Nurgle)
 
   
Made in us
5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)




The Great State of Texas

 redleger wrote:
OK, first off, not everyone has worth. It is a fact, doesn't mean you make them disappear(necessarily).

For once I think I'm in agreement with Ouze. She will never leave based on any evidence, logic, or advice. She will leave when she has hit rock bottom, has had a significant emotional event that will allow her to lift the veil and see the situation for what it really is. Unfortunately for many women in this situation it happens as they are being beaten to death. If it begins looking like that is the road, intervene in a legal way, so as to ensure custody of your Godchild.

As a father of 3 daughters I would go the Frazzled route myself, but I am not afraid of violence. If you wan't to be the guardian of this innocent child, then you have to wait for the opportunity to present itself, work within the confines of the law, however restricting it may be, and remove that child from the situation. The mother will have to remove herself.



Yes be ready to save the child. Get involved with the child as much as you can. As noted, don't give them money.

-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
 
   
Made in ca
Ancient Venerable Black Templar Dreadnought





Canada

OP: Having been the child in the abusive relationship I may have a different view of the situation.
I spoilered this because I realized I wrote an aweful lot:
Spoiler:
Agreed, be supportive of the sister-in-law and niece.
One thing to keep in mind: she is "enabling" this guy, giving him the support for him to feel confident in acting gacky.
She IS an adult, until she can see the "threat" of where this is going for her daughter it can only be viewed as selfish behavior.
You rightly pointed out the niece is the innocent in this: she has no means to escape the situation so is the #1 consideration.

Take the other two out of their house where-ever possible, make sure it is for fun experiences or "consumable" items: nothing should be able to go home he can take away or sell.
Only exception to this would be things like shoes, clothing, winter gear: typically these get neglected completely.
You may on occasion have to include him on these outings.
Just make sure anything special goes at least to his daughter: no-one can complain if their kid gets special treatment without looking like a complete turkey (not saying he will not try).
Demonstrate that your house is a "safe" place.

Demonstrate to them what a "normal" life is like without the drama or fear, at this point they may not know what that is like.
Until your-sister-in-law is reminded there are better ways to live out there, she may never even think of taking steps to secure their future.

Make sure you had that discussion that if "anything bad happened" you would be willing at any time to host both of them or take care of her daughter as "she sorts things out".

If at some point the guy confronts you on any of this (I guarantee he will when he has a sober moment) just say "I know you have a lot going on so I am just doing my part to help, right?".

That moving away was troubling, it looks like he is actively trying to isolate them, typical behavior of someone who is an abuser: to give them no way out.
I suspect he will be quite aggressive if he feels threatened by your being a better role model and source of fun, I bet the jealousy will be quite impressive.

Anyway, I have a son with ADHD plus with some "mild" autism and there is certain kinds of communication he will simply not understand.
Sometimes ADHD can hide / obscure other issues... never mind that drug use pretty much throws it all out the window.
Mind-you if he is undiagnosed ADHD, stimulants probably make him feel "better" because it can help with some thinking / behavior.
In the end, ADHD just is a different way of thinking and reacting to the world and is no root cause for the issue, it just makes effective communication harder.

Try to speak directly about a situation, do not do "parallelisms".
If you try to compare one situation with another or use a "common" phrase he will simply think you are crazy.
"It is like the boy who cried wolf!", "What does that have to do with anything? I wanted your help and you ignored me!"

"Men of no redeeming value."
Narcissists
Sociopaths
Active drug users.
Has the schizophrenia condition and remains un-medicated.
Those who demonstrate consistent criminal behavior.
Those who regularly abuse people or animals.

This is all a bit too much unneeded detail but it all boils down to having a lack of empathy.
Until you can recognize that another person's hurt is every bit the same as yours: you will be a monster.

Repressed, low self esteem people can be drawn to these people because they seem strong.
They do not ask or care what you think, they lead!
As if you have anything of value to consider.
BUT they rarely know what is really going on and they just react and seem every bit "the bull in the china shop".
They get apprehensive since they never quite know when they will get approval or scorn.
Bah, this seems more of a rant but just be there for the kid: at this moment, she really is worse than alone.



A revolution is an idea which has found its bayonets.
Napoleon Bonaparte 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut



Orlando

gakky situation, something remotely similar with a niece in law halfway across the country and her methhead mom and meth selling BF. Around here we often say "We know people, and we have alligators aplenty." Doesn't help much up there though.

If you dont short hand your list, Im not reading it.
Example: Assault Intercessors- x5 -Thunder hammer and plasma pistol on sgt.
or Assault Terminators 3xTH/SS, 2xLCs
For the love of God, GW, get rid of reroll mechanics. ALL OF THEM! 
   
 
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