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I like playing BATTLEFIELD!

[Stares at Verviedi in confusion] For when I want to drug horses.

Traitor? Zombiekilla, the Imperium is right? A platform where folk murder indiscriminately... in the name of a god that wanted an atheistic society. We are taught to kill those who try to educate themselves, or exercise freedom of thought, slaughter folk for merely being born on another planet or to another race.
I don't want to be that person any more. I will not act against the Imperium, but I won't follow every psychotic law either.

As for what I've done, I don't figure that matters. I'm not anyone worth noting anyhow. Hell, I don't even have a name.

OOC: This is getting awkward, so Ima reformat.

[Col. Thornberry + Guardsman #140]

[Thornberry]

 2BlackJack1 wrote:
*Jumps over the gap where the stairs used to be and tail whips a guardsmen on the way out*

*sees #140 get whipped*
Good Lord! Are you alright?


[#140]
*bleeding from the leg/chest/face*
I seem to be injured sir.


[Thornberry]
*concerned*
Indeed. I think that, like the preying mantis, it is weakening you for a later strike, with which it will kill you.

[#140]
*gets out the big red book of insects*
That's not the Mantis' Modus Operandi, sir. And I think I'm going to bleed to death.

[Thornberry]
Oh. Is there a medic around?
*looks at TNB's medkits*
Medic! Oh Medic! Could I have some assistance?

*Meanwhile in Latveria.

[Random scientist #1]
" Dude I am so boaaarrrrd! Why did WE have get stuck on evil speech recording duty?"

[Random scientist #2]
"I know man, this sucks."

[Random scientist #1]
*Begins searching on itunes.
""Hold on I got an idea."

*Back in wherever, a song begins playing from Doom's armor.

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
....

*Hides in attic to heal from gun and blade wounds, leaving a trail of acidic blood and drool behind*

So much while I was away!

[Sighs] [Picks up a first aid kit and stabilises Guardsman #140]

[Puts on gauntlets] [Heads up to the attic and patches up Blackjack]

[Wanders back and naps on the sofa]

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Stares at Verviedi in confusion] For when I want to drug horses.

Traitor? Zombiekilla, the Imperium is right? A platform where folk murder indiscriminately... in the name of a god that wanted an atheistic society. We are taught to kill those who try to educate themselves, or exercise freedom of thought, slaughter folk for merely being born on another planet or to another race.
I don't want to be that person any more. I will not act against the Imperium, but I won't follow every psychotic law either.

As for what I've done, I don't figure that matters. I'm not anyone worth noting anyhow. Hell, I don't even have a name.

Cant argue with that... *Lights newly rolled cigarette* So you do remember the face of your father eh?

But don't feth with me about the dark tower... get enough gak from that ass Randall Flagg

And you can have the lollypop doom

"Doom is grateful you have seen wisdom"

*picks up the burnt remains of the lollipop and attempts to eat it forgetting he is wearing a mask.

"curses!"

*Pats BC on the shoulder*

Wow. I had no idea your life was so terrible. Hopefully we can undo those chemical treatments.

Me, well, I was pulled off the street by some Skitarii, presumably away from my family, and placed into an extremely intensive training regimine where I was in the only ten people left alive, out of a group of 100. I was then basically mind raped, forcefully sterilized, and got inducted into a Skitarii Legion, I somehow managed to survive, did something involving a Keeper Of Secrets that somehow managed to get some Mechanicus adept to take notice, and was inducted into the fething Priesthood as a Adept Mediocrus. I was then shot repeatedly, and assaulted by armed convicts in the process of crossing the ship I was on to get to my assigned station.

After an extremely slow rise to Adept Primarus, my mental conditioning began to wear off, but nobody noticed, so I managed to rise through the ranks quickly, due to being actually capable of original thought.

I then got noticed by some bean counter because I was using Tau tech, reprimanded, got one of my planets taken away, and then because the notice that I had been already punished had gotten lost, got exocommunicated. TWICE.

And then my escape pod landed here, with my own fleet in pursuit, and I somehow managed to get my entire Explorator fleet murdered by Space Wolves. For no reason.

I then got fething murdered by Cthulhu, SURVIVED, assumed a state of existence that would cause most Mechanicus adepts to murder everything near them on the spot, WENT INSANE, got INTENSILY VIOLATED by a Daemonette of Slaanesh, and had to body-snatch one of the Infiltrators sent to kill me. Again.

[Tilts head] ...My life is by no means terrible. Did I sound unhappy? I apologise, it wasn't meant to be a grumble, just an explanation of what we deal with.

It does sound like the mechanicus and the commissariat have a lot in common, albeit parallel methodology.

...Whilst it's a kind offer, I'm a little scared of what I'd find attractive if that therapy was reversed.

*hisses as BC approaches, and prepares to attack*

*pauses after seeing the medkit, and in its bewildered state is healed of the wounds*

*tongue rolls out and playfully claws at BC*

Ehhh... You can't really develop deviancies just from me fixing the effects of the Chem-Geld.

True, I suppose I can't really get any odder. Happier, maybe, but not odder.

*Jots that down on notepad*

Anything else I need to fix?

*Looks around room*

[Servo-skull returns] ++[Psych exam results ready]++

Paranoia levels: Unacceptably low.
Amiability levels: Inexplicably high.
Responsibility levels: Non-existent.
Heresy level-

[Slaps servo-skull] Okay, you can stop that now. We get the point.

Result: Failure
Solution: Return to training facility for re-indoctrination of basic Commissariat principles.

Yeaaah, no. [Shoos skull away] I'll be fine right here.

Anyway, I think we may need to Blackjack-proof the air-vents before he recovers.
Also Co'tor may be suffering a concussion.

*Cocks head before scampering into nearest vent system, hissing at anything that moves past, and occasionally terrifying the guardsmen*

*Grabs servo-skull and plugs dataspike into it, reprogramming it on the fly*

It is now an automated laser cooker. Guaranteed to make crispy bacon every time.

*Unplugs dataspike*

*Servo-skull looks greatly traumatized*

*Looks at the port on BC's neck*

Could you please stand still? I am going to effect repairs.

I guess. ... Or you know. [Sits down]

*Screams come from kitchen that are cut off*

*Sounds of body being dragged through vent system*

*Sends psionic storm into the vent system, electrifying it*

"Hopefully that will take care of our Zerg-like friend."

*Walks over to BC and sits down next to him*

"I think perhaps I need some rest as well..."

*Falls asleep*

No, you can't have my medkits! They're mine!

Hi everybody! I'm an ordinary boy now.

*stands up behind Badrukk and starts drooling onto his shoulder*

*runs*

OOC: you know you're a 40k junkie when you get your blood taken, you say 'Blood for the Blood God!'

*Connects dataspike to BC's neck*

*Pupils blow out underneath helmet*

So I will need to remove that Schola Progenium brainwashing, wipe your memories of whatever the hell went on in that place, and as a bonus fix those chemical treatments and-

Should I delete this psychological murder-trigger too?

*Attempts to scamper up vents but gets shocked and falls back down*

*Attempts to retain dignity by chasing after leftover drone*

..? I'm not sure I signed up for all that... [Nervous]
I need to be able to at least pass for a Commissar on first inspection. It's rather instrumental to not being pasted by the Inquisition.
Plus, you know, the morale part is actually quite fun.

[Shrugs] Do what you think is best. Just leave my love of hats alone.


ooc: I hope you're okay Badrukk, having blood drawn is no fun.

OOC: I'm fine.

I mean, for some reason you have a trigger program stored in your head. Apparently you'll go eversor-level insane whenever you see a certain video.
Seems kind of dark eldary to me.

Anyway. I'll quickly just delete that...

++ACCESS DENIED++

Fething really?

Alright, I'll just attend to the chemical treatments.

*Carefully uses controlled electric shocks to reverse the treatments, slowly*

(1/4 of the way through fixing the treatments)

Why is my dataspike... shivering?