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Made in us
Blood-Drenched Death Company Marine




Little Rock, Arkansas

Rules comedy 8th edition!

Note: this thread is about the humorous disconnect between logic and some rules in the game. Most of us are well aware that some of these rules are unrealistic to facilitate playing a tabletop game, and so these are not necessarily gripes about the game itself, simply levity.

-The primarch of the ultramarines cannot use the ultramarines chapter tactic.

-All marines immediately forget their chapter's special training when driving a tank or plane.

-Oh captain my captain! Battlefield leaders are very inspiring, and their presence is enough to make you shoot and fight better, as if the prospect of not dying wasn't reason enough to bring your A-game. They even buy into their own hype and inspire themselves!

-As soon as your glorious inspiring leader enters a vehicle or building, he suddenly ceases being at all inspiring, even to those in the building next to him and also himself! Perhaps it's really just the cape billowing in the wind that makes him so cool.

-An entire company of soldiers will immediately forget their special training unique to their organization if a single friendly element from a different military branch (or even a different regiment!) happened to come to the battle with them. Maybe they suffer from performance anxiety in front of allies?

-Space marine biology apparently differs enough between chapters that an apothecary from one chapter is of no help to another chapter.

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!
[[[edit: lots of people are super confused on this one. This is referring to actual SWARM units that represent a bunch of small enemies on a single base with several wounds.]]]

-Chapter masters, daemon primarchs, and hive tyrants among others are perfectly fine with letting a lowly scout, cultist, or even a spore mine act as the army leader.

-For every squad flying or teleporting into battle, there must be one on the ground for some reason. Also those guys waiting to jump in may be executed if they decide to try showing up late.

-It is no easier to hit a Titan than it is to hit a gretchin hiding in bushes.

-A vehicle explosion is a mere inconvenience to one ten-men squad nearby, but terrifying beyond all measure to ten one-man squads.

-Said vehicle explosion, even from a small transport vehicle, is an extremely powerful blast, completely bypassing the best armor and force fields any race in the galaxy has produced. One wonders why we bother with lascannons and bright lances when we could just weaponize whatever it is in that humble rhino that is exploding.

-Somehow, just by having more standard troops in the battle, several of your elite units can use their special talents more often. If enough men were present, a single squad from most armies could fight twice in melee every turn for the entire game.

-Squads take turns showing up one at a time to the battle, but arriving early just lets the enemy know where they should set up in relation to you. Being punctual has its downsides!

-Whether teleporting, drop podding, or flying into battle, it is very dangerous to land too close to an enemy on an open field, but not dangerous at all to show up in broken down ruins. If the enemy is high up enough from the ground, you could fly in and land under them.

-A single squad that is under the threat of being charged by multiple enemies can fire several times faster than normal, which begs the question of why they don't bother attempting those extra free shots all the time?

-You can sneak up on an enemy and charge it from behind a wall to deny them the chance to overwatch, unless the enemy can fire indirect barrages, in which case he psychically knows that you have just decided to charge from behind that wall and has the time required to launch a preemptive barrage on your position. Again only heaven knows why he waits until the threat of imminent close combat to display this supernatural ability.

-When a soldier decides to flee the field, he is absolutely unstoppable and vanishes in a puff of smoke, looney-toons style.

-Telling one squad to do something special makes similar squads temporarily unable to do the same thing. Psykers have a similar problem. Do they ever have arguments mid battle about who needs a certain power most?

-Transport space in vehicles does not get along well with logic. Ten marines can cram inside a rhino, but a single primaris marine can't crouch down to get inside. This is especially notable in stormravens, which can carry terminators and jump pack-equipped troops in the troop-bay, but still refuse to let any primaris on board. Maybe it's due to in-chapter discrimination?

-If your character sees an enemy unit charge anywhere on the battlefield and is close by an enemy unit, (even a different one that didn't charge,) he may suddenly feel very proactive and engage them in combat!

-Many tanks and monsters perform worse as they lose wounds, but some of them with the right amount of starting wounds fight perfectly fine until dead.

-Whether or not a non-infantry unit benefits from being in cover against indirect fire is determined by how much of the unit can be seen by the one firing...even though that unit doesn't need line of sight in the first place! \o.o/

-As long as a terrain is classified as a ruin, infantry can literally become insubstantial and ghost through the walls and floors.

-It is extremely difficult to hit something while driving a tank. And even when run over by a land raider, the slightest amount of armor can help you live through it.

-Said tank can be walled in by small creatures. Despite the fact that it keeps attempting to run them over and they keep dodging, they never actually move out of the way and let it by.

-similar to vehicle explosions, the best armor and force fields in the universe offer no protection against psychic powers. Being physically super-tough, however, does.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2018/08/30 17:58:57


20000+ points
Tournament reports:
1234567 
   
Made in us
Grizzled MkII Monster Veteran





Mississippi

- When the sun goes down, plasma weapons are more likely to explode

- Despite the fact the towering blue marine commander stands twice as tall as everybody around him, you're not allowed to shoot him unless he decides to stand in front of his troops

- When you run, one out of six times you'll only move about 1.5 meters further than if you walked.

- Infantry troops can carry an infinite number of missiles for their missile launchers, but guard vehicles only every supply their vehicles with one hunter-killer missile - ever.

- Taurox exist

It never ends well 
   
Made in us
Squishy Oil Squig




-that enemy Dark angels chapter master knows about the fallen, get him!

-that ork runtherder knows about the fallen!

(In relation to the dark angels statagem)
   
Made in jp
Dakka Veteran





-if your enemy charges from out of range, whoops can't shoot, rather then wait for them to enter range and then shoot. Looking at you flamer weapons.

-techpriests can't fix rhinos, despite being able to build them. Same thing with techmarines trying to repair other chapter's vehicles, or sister's tanks.

-losing combat is so horrible that the side that lost will have 1d6 squad members commit suicide.

--commissars hate their troops so much, that they always shoot them.

-tanks are incapable of moving as a unit

-tank commanders are so mentally healthy they can't talk to themselves.

--las pistols, grot blasters, and human fists can kill tanks

-You can run and fire a microwave gun, but not a pistol.

-flamers are great at shooting down aircraft.

-Just because I know a psychic power, means that you never can.

-Smite gets harder if we both do it.

-Stormtroopers are less elite then IG veterans and ogryn.

-Not every fighter/bomber knows how to do a strafing run.

-Everyone has to take turns if they want to use a grenade.

-Lasguns fire faster if you shout at them.

-Women fire faster if they pray first.

-chainswords swing faster then other swords.

-Only Tau care about their friends in other squads and will overwatch to help them.

-Tanks are incapable of reliably running people over, even when those people are getting in the way on purpose. (poor ws)

-every tank is both amphibious, and capable of driving through trees.

-Only rhino crews are trained to fix their own vehicles.

-catachans shoot best because they're stonk.

-catachan abs can deflect bolter fire 1/3rd of the time.

-each regiment has it's own language and is incapable of learning others. Why else would infantry ignore an officer, if only because of regimental differences?

-

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/02/14 05:32:49


 
   
Made in us
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





A tank's sponson weapons can shoot on the opposite side of the tank.
   
Made in ca
Frenzied Berserker Terminator





Canada

You must use the correct transport vehicle at all times.



Gets along better with animals... Go figure. 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut






- Drones are programmed to run, and do so faster then fire warriors. Oddly, these same drones are trained to work as meat shields for Tau officers and veterans. Seems counter productive.

- An apothecary can harvest geneseed thrice from a dead marine, and then suddenly put him back together good as new. However, he won’t dare touch the critically wounded comrade if a different battle brother has a nose bleed.
   
Made in us
Witch Hunter Undercover in a Cult







-A helicopter holding station above the battlefield can be punched by infantrymen, because apparently Grots can jump really, really high.

-Stormravens are capable of flight.

-Blood Angels retain their psychic powers when installed in Dreadnaughts, yet the Thousand Sons do not.

-Infantry to support Titans against smaller threats are a thing of the distant past and aren't important in the 41st Milennium. Our Titans can run around unsupported as much as they like now.

-Knight Houses not sworn to the Adeptus Mechanicus still have dozens of Cerastus Knights in working order, but no Mechancium Knight Houses have any at all.

-It takes a house-sized tank with a fourteen-meter spinal laser to one-shot kill a Dreadnaught. Nothing smaller than that will do the job in less than two hits.

Victoria est autem vita.

Stories at https://knightofthegrey.wordpress.com/
Game-related musings at https://thescenicdetour.wordpress.com/
Both updated irregularly 
   
Made in jp
Dakka Veteran





Good point about the Dreadnaughts Anomander. I had always thought that it was a rubric marine inside it, basically a giant version of the power armor.
   
Made in lt
Longtime Dakkanaut






A lasgun can shoot down Titan

   
Made in de
Blood-Drenched Death Company Marine





Germany

-Ultramarine infantry with JP is punished when they fall back from combat by their own chapter tactic

-The budget for intercessor primaris marines was gone when it came to special or heavy weapons. No meltas, no flamers, no lascannons, no grav guns, no rocket launchers. Their hands are simply to big to use standard imperial heavy weaponry.

-Centurions and cataphractii terminators crawl along like snails, but can engage turbo boost when it comes to attacking enemy units in CC. This up to 3 times faster movement speed is only enabled when an enemy unit is nearby, otherwise its locked.
   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut




A Daemon of the warp can split into two smaller daemons when hit by enemy attacks. Somehow this can cause a zombie to appear nearby (maybe splitting in two is contagious?)


Automatically Appended Next Post:
 AnomanderRake wrote:
-A helicopter holding station above the battlefield can be punched by infantrymen, because apparently Grots can jump really, really high.


In the dark future of the 41st millennium, all troops carry pogo sticks as standard equipment...

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/02/14 09:09:09


 
   
Made in fr
Waaagh! Warbiker





- A Daemon of the warp can be possessed by... another Daemon of the warp (Perils of the warp...)

Deffskullz desert scavengers
Thousand Sons 
   
Made in pt
Deathwing Terminator with Assault Cannon




Lisbon, Portugal

 niv-mizzet wrote:

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!


That's not how damage rules work...

40k Dark Angels

 Unit1126PLL wrote:
"FW is unbalanced and going to ruin tournaments."
"Name one where it did that."
"IT JUST DOES OKAY!"

 
   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut




 Vector Strike wrote:
 niv-mizzet wrote:

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!


That's not how damage rules work...


Is it not? We must have been playing it wrong then. Please can you explain why frag missiles work better against swarms than krak missiles (to give a common example)?

Mark.
   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut






 AnomanderRake wrote:
Blood Angels retain their psychic powers when installed in Dreadnaughts, yet the Thousand Sons do not.


To be fair, Thousand Sons Helbrutes aren't piloted by Thousand Sons; they lure other unsuspecting Chaos Space Marines in and trap them in the sarcophagi instead.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Cheeslord wrote:
 Vector Strike wrote:
 niv-mizzet wrote:

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!


That's not how damage rules work...


Is it not? We must have been playing it wrong then. Please can you explain why frag missiles work better against swarms than krak missiles (to give a common example)?

Mark.


A weapon with multiple shots can spread any successful hits across multiple models in the target unit, and roll to Wound all of them. A single successful Wound applies its Damage to the single Wounded model - excess damage does not transfer. So Wounding a 1W model with a lascannon and rolling 2 or more for the Damage simply means he's very, very dead (and in little bits). It also means that model may need to make multiple Disgustingly Resilient rolls (or equivalent) to shrug off all that damage.

A Frag missile does D6 hits each with 1 Damage; assuming good dice rolls, that means you can kill up to 6 separate 1W models. a Krak missile gets 1 shot with Damage of D6; that will only kill a single model.

Not that this is (IIRC) different to Age of Sigmar; in that game, excess damage does transfer.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2018/02/14 13:11:15


 
   
Made in gb
Blood-Raging Khorne Berserker




Southampton, UK

Cheeslord wrote:
 Vector Strike wrote:
 niv-mizzet wrote:

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!


That's not how damage rules work...


Is it not? We must have been playing it wrong then. Please can you explain why frag missiles work better against swarms than krak missiles (to give a common example)?

Mark.


Because a frag missile is intended for anti-infantry, and explodes outwards spreading shrapnel over a wider area; whereas a krak missile is armour-penetrating, with a shaped charge warhead that doesn't spread outwards in the same way.
   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut




 Vector Strike wrote:
 niv-mizzet wrote:

-A lascannon or krak missile is actually a good weapon to use against a swarm of tiny things. You can apparently hit one so hard that 3-4 of the swarmlings die at once!


That's not how damage rules work...

Swarms are multiple creatures on a single base treated as a single multi-wound model
A Lascannon/Krak missile will kill multiple of the swarmlings, just only one "base" at a time.
   
Made in us
Devestating Grey Knight Dreadknight




In the 41st century car pooling is not allowed. Only those who know the secret handshake can ride in any particular vehicle.

Likewise you can't give an ally a lift even to help your battle brothers (the allies don't know how to use your special seat belts).
   
Made in gb
Dakka Veteran




Oh! Me me, I've got a good one!

An Imperial Guard Junior officer can order another unit to run really, really fast. Like, as fast as a tank fast.
He can also order himself to run really, really fast. However, if he's yelling at another unit to run really fast, he can't order himself to do so. [Clearly only capable of holding one thought in his head at a time.]

Any Chimera can be a command tank. Salamanders can't, even Salamander command tanks! However, to balance this out, only one Chimera per battle, even an apocalypse battle, can be a command tank at any point, and then only some of the time.

Commissars on foot shoot things when they run away. Even Ogryns, who normally could never be killed by a single shot from their bolt pistols. However, if you put the Commissar in a tank, with lots of really big guns, he'll never shot anyone when they run away.

All characters will never run away. Ever. Imperial guard junior officers are considerably less likely to break under battle stress than Khorne berserkers.

One unit of sisters of battle is super faithful and can perform twice as well as any other sister of battle. However, if you field an entire army of super faithful sisters, they're all considerably less faithful by comparison.

It is utterly impossible for a direct hit from an anti tank grenade launcher to kill an Imperial Guard captain. They're just that hard. A full salvo of heavy bolter rounds is just as ineffective. Even a direct hit from an eldar wraithcannon will only be fatal half the time.

A heavy weapons team that suffers a man killed by firing, then consists of one extremely angry man, who can move, and one handedly fire his mortar and his lasgun.

You can fire mortars at a unit charging you from just a few feet away. These shells will likely score direct hits on the attacking troops at no risk what so ever to you, and will hit them before they cross the few feet to charge you.

A Callidus Assassin can disguise herself as a Necron. Also as a Tyranid. This is so confusing at the Tyranids might even forget some of their command points as they stare in amazement.

Vindicare assassins are such good shots they actually struggle to kill unarmoured humans in a single shot. It may take two or three to kill an astropath looking the other way. They also can't cause mortal wounds, unlike regular snipers.

After a certain number of casualties a squad will always run away. Always 100% of the time.

Rough Riders are so proud of themselves, they won't even listen to orders from Creed.

Tallarn Baneblades are really, really sneaky.

   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut




AdmiralHalsey wrote:


A Callidus Assassin can disguise herself as a Necron. Also as a Tyranid. This is so confusing at the Tyranids might even forget some of their command points as they stare in amazement.




Have you read "Inquisitor"? (it is fairly old and may be out of print...)

Has an assassin disguising herself as a genestealer (which would count as a Tyranid...)

Mark.
   
Made in us
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





Primaris Marines can't use a Land Raider, but terminators and even Centurions can.

But no one but Primaris Marines can ride in the Special Hovertank.

A tank's ass-end can peek around a corner and shoot you with literally every weapon it has.

Shooting a flying aircraft with a rifle is no harder than shooting a heavier gun.

It is a perfectly reasonable tactic for the most elite force of superhuman soldiers to mob up in a massive horde to run down the middle of the street, because their leaders make them better at killing stuff if they are closer.

A massive, multi-ton pod dropped from orbit at ludicrous speeds can never land on a mob of infantry. We have manners.

If you're scared of your enemy, you will just completely vanish into thin air.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/02/14 14:47:24


 
   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut




If there is a whole forest between you and your enemy, but you are not in it, you can easily be seen and shot. If you are right at the front of the forest facing your enemy, you are much better concealed...

(I could go on but to be honest the cover rules are low-hanging fruit for this kind of thing....)

Mark.
   
Made in us
Daring Dark Eldar Raider Rider




The Mid-Western Front

-Anyone can operate the guns on a Standard Imperial Fortification, for example his holiness Roboute Gulliman. However, Tech Priest Joe forgot to give the machine it's coffee this morning. So even if, his name be praised, Roboute Gilliman, or any member of the Mechanicum with the proper training is operating the Quad-Lascannon, Plasma Obliterator, or Quad-Autocannon mounted on some Standard Imperial Fortifications the weapon fires as if an Filthy Ork was at the controls.

P'tah Dynasty
Iron Warriors
Dark Eldar

" It is always good to remember WHY we are in this hobby, and often times it is because of the PEOPLE we share our time with" 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut







If one Chaos Sorcerer casts Warptime, the rest will go "you go ahead man, we weren't planning to cast it anyway." Inversely, the Imperials will be polite enough to nominate only one of their Psykers to attempt to deny.

You can get 7 Poxwalker Zombies out of one Pink Horror.

A Culexus Assassin will run around with a "Neener, neener, I am scary" sign making him hard to hit, yet preventing other characters from behind from being shot.

There is ambiguity over whether a Warlord is considered to be alive before the battle starts.

Many flamethrowers, especially ones that do 2 damage, are arguably better at anti-aircraft than crowd control.

A squad of 3 Crisis Suits is hit by a Battlecannon and all 3 die. 3 Crisis Commanders are bunched up exactly the same, but you can only make direct hits against one Commander at a time. Actually, if there's a single floating metal disc in front, it will intercept the blast altogether, boom!

4 Grots standing at the corners of a Land Raider can stop it from moving altogether.

Incinerators are not flamers, but the coruscating flames (Tzeentchian magic) are treated as flamers.

Genestealer Cults are a myth started by a travelling Neophyte whom serves as a contract coordinator between the Tyranids and the Elysians or Kriegers.

Thousand Sons are reluctant to take the battlefield due to Exploding Sorcerer Syndrome (An Aspiring Sorcerer has 1 wound. Meaning it automatically explodes on Perils, and is in a unit of 20-plus pt models).
   
Made in us
Ancient Chaos Terminator





Eye of Terror

You can drop a squad of Terminators anywhere on the board with pinpoint accuracy, but getting a Daemon to appear requires other units and dice rolls.

The Fallen can't figure out how to hop onto a transport.

Whoever engineered the Forgefiend and the Defiler, the dedicated shooting machines for Chaos, forgot to put sights on the cannons (BS 4+ that degrades).

Chaos Marks are purely decorative.

Chaos has an artifact that adds +1 to psychic tests, but only for smite.

   
Made in us
Devestating Grey Knight Dreadknight




 MagicJuggler wrote:
A Culexus Assassin will run around with a "Neener, neener, I am scary" sign making him hard to hit, yet preventing other characters from behind from being shot.


They changed this one in the beta rules.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/02/14 15:48:07


 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut







Leo_the_Rat wrote:
 MagicJuggler wrote:
A Culexus Assassin will run around with a "Neener, neener, I am scary" sign making him hard to hit, yet preventing other characters from behind from being shot.


They changed this one in the beta rules.


They're beta rules. So it's technically still valid.

Oh, I forgot some!

An airborne flyer cannot be assaulted by units that cannot fly because it's in the air. However, enemy units cannot move under and past it because they're coming within 1" of it.

Given an infinite amount of turns, a single Valkyrie can ram into and destroy an infinite amount of buildings. Maybe Cadia was an inside job and promethium CAN melt adamantium beams?
   
Made in us
Secret Inquisitorial Eldar Xenexecutor





A flamer can't hit a target more than 100ft away, but has a vertical range of up to 10 miles if there is an airborne target overhead.

Supersonic aircraft move fast. Almost 5 times faster than a running human!

Those who fail their courage just disappear. No one knows where they go or why they don't come back

Commisars occasionally shoot everyone in the squad to prevent them from routing

Dreadnoughts and marines are veterans of thousands of battles - unless a player is involved. Then they have an average lifespan of 30 minutes

Tau always prefer a diplomatic approach - unless a 6'x4' table is nearby. Then bloody combat is needed for the greater good

Non-first founding chapters occasionally discover that they have secretly been ultramarines all along - expect for those times they turn out to be ravenguard

Dark Angels often bring out highly tuned plasma weapons from the dark age for a crucial moment. Then they carefully pack the weapons away and go back to their normal ones.

Guardsmen die by the thousands where only a couple dozen space marines can succeed. Unless there is a 6'x4' table nearby.

A surprising number of Tyranid Monsters know secrets about the Fallen. I've had to mark out at least two tervigons so far.

The Imperium is running out of conscripts - they are getting more expensive

The Deathstrike missile is used to depopulate cities - and occasionally wound a space marine captain


Bender wrote:* Realise that despite the way people talk, this is not a professional sport played by demi gods, but rather a game of toy soldiers played by tired, inebriated human beings.


 lolman1c wrote:
The ork train has no breaks mothersquiggor!
 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut







 ChargerIIC wrote:
Supersonic aircraft move fast. Almost 5 times faster than a running human!


Prior to the Tyranid FAQ that stated you could only Advance once in a Movement Phase, Kraken Genestealers used to be able to outrun supersonic aircraft.
   
 
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