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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/06 21:02:23
Subject: The first action.
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Fixture of Dakka
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:27:34
DS:90-S++G+++M++B++I+Plotr06#+D+++A++++/eWD251R+++T(Ot)DM+
JB: I like the concept of a free Shrike roaming through the treetops of the jungle. I'm not sure that I like the idea of a real Shrike sitting on my couch eating my Skittles.
corpsesarefun: Thank god I missed be nice to shrike day.
greenskin lynn: because of all the skittles and soda, you basically live off sugar water, like some sort of freakish human-hummingbird hybrid. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/06 21:30:30
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:42:12
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/06 22:15:49
Subject: The first action.
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Renegade Inquisitor de Marche
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:25:48
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/06 23:46:17
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:42:27
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/07 00:05:17
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Fixture of Dakka
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:27:26
DS:90-S++G+++M++B++I+Plotr06#+D+++A++++/eWD251R+++T(Ot)DM+
JB: I like the concept of a free Shrike roaming through the treetops of the jungle. I'm not sure that I like the idea of a real Shrike sitting on my couch eating my Skittles.
corpsesarefun: Thank god I missed be nice to shrike day.
greenskin lynn: because of all the skittles and soda, you basically live off sugar water, like some sort of freakish human-hummingbird hybrid. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/07 00:18:56
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:42:34
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/09 19:03:43
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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"Stay back." Carrus called out to a group of Kasrkin, who was about to charge a group of Warp Beasts. He shot one of the purple-furred horrors dead with his melta. "Come here beasties." He then swang around the corner of a broken building as the Wych-Beastmaster fired his splinter-pistol at him. The shards from the pistol smashed into the dark wall Carrus was covering behind. That gave their leader ample time to aim her hotshot lasgun at the beastmaster and slay him. More shots followed and more of the Warp Beasts fell to the red-hot lasshots the Kasrkin rained with a precision not normally seen in humans. Not of them reached their line. Carrus swiftly covered the ground over to them. He looked into the pretty female lieutenant's brown eyes. She was tall, fair-skinned, black long hair, helmetless, one eye was bionic though of high-quality which he saw clearly from the dark green hue of it, the face had a few scars and her natural eye was blue-tinted, yet not with the soft blue hue of him. "Nice shooting there lady." He grinned looking at the heavily customized hotshot lasgun. It had much in common with the longlas his love Ionza tended to carry around giving him support from afar. "Thank you Lord-Commissar." Her voice was gravel from many years of lho-smoking, it betrayed that her age was far older than her looks pointed at. He grinned as he dusted himself off. "I'm no Lord-Commissar lady, I work for a living." He got out a cigar-case from his greatcoat, opened it getting out a lho-rod which he then ignited with his laschisel as he continued. "Rank and name lady." He looked disinterested at her as Ionza with Kelkaris in tow entered the ruin the elite soldiers were covering in. "Name is Helena Jameson. Rank lieutenant. That's all sir?" She stood straight like an arrow infront of him, he only offered her a lho-rod, which she took, letting him ignite it. "Name of your unit and their number?" Carrus spoke without showing any emotions as Ionza walked over to him. She glanced over at the much taller woman's weaponry, a black-blue hilt hanging from a belt in a camouflaged scabbard hinted to a powered sword, a hotshot laspistol was holstered at the other side. She grinned wickedly as if she had came up with a brilliant prank to play on them. She smelled the lho from Carrus, looking a bit remorseful that she couldn't smoke herself. Behind her Kelkaris followed, his expression was set in stone, the Kasrkin all averted their eyes from him. Not Carrus who immediately embraced Ionza giving her a smoke-filled kiss, letting her savor some lho for once during her pregnancy. He smiled teasingly at Kelkaris. "What's our next move Inquisitor?" Kelkaris looked hard back making Carrus straighten himself up. He threw a hasty salute at the Inquisitor. "Commissar get the info out of the Kasrkin." Then Carrus turned on his heel, making a threatening gesture to Jameson, pointing his right index-finger straight at her. "You still haven't answered me. Name, number and number of troops lieutenant. I want the answer in this milliennia, not the next." She swallowed heavily dropping the lho-rod due to the sudden shift in mood from the young commissar. Ionza then spoke up. "Out with it girl, time is wasting, we all want the answers today without adding a ninth action in order to drag it out of you." "41st. Kasrkin. We have around 5 million Cadian Shocktroopers at the planet, along with 10.000 Kasrkin, under Lord-General Steffen Elmhaug." She looked nervously at the three high-ranking Imperial officers as she spoke, she shouldn't be so nervous, yet both the commissars made her twitchy, nevermind the Inquisitor. He spoke then. "Commissar Carrus about the fight with the Xeno...." He looked skeptical at the young man. "Yes Inquisitor?" Carrus bowed his head. Kelkaris smiled a soft smile. "You took pleasure in the fight right boy?" Carrus just nodded, he was nervous about the Inquisitor, despite being a representative of Ordo Malleus in the form of High-Inquisitor Selpid's foremost agent on Taldaris Alpha. "No wrong in taking pleasure in a worthy challenge Carrus." He laughed softly wondering how things would turn out at the hellish war-zone were the two commissars had saved his life at more than one occasion already. Ionza then spoke. "It seems like they have a psyker with them." She pointed behind her, smiling. "I guess I can disregard-" He shut up as a burly Kasrkin came dragging a grey unhealthy looking creature. He was scrawny and lacking eyes, his head was bald, and had many scars mostly from lasgun-butts smacked into it. "Do it!" Kelkaris called out to Ionza. Ionza reacted immediately, up came her bolter. She slammed it into the chest of the burly Kasrkin who fell back right on his butt. "Look man I have no issue with you, but the Emperor's most holy Sanctioned Psykers tends to work a tad better when treated with kindness." She was angry, she couldn't stand people mistreating the psykers. She changed her tune as she helped the brown-clad psyker on to his feet. "You fear the commissars, the ones you should really fear is the psykers. This one can tear your soul away and toss it into the warp, essentially sending your worthless soul to hell." She glared right into the the eyes behind the visor of the man twitching on the ground. "Do you wanna see what the hell a psyker can do when ordered soldier??!! DO YOU!!!???" She screamed the last part. "N-no Lady-Commissar, my apologies." She snorted, with a displeased look on her face. "Apologize to the man you have offended, not me." She halfway turned from him. "As flattering as the notion neither me nor Commissar Carrus are Lord or Lady Commissars. We are just Commissars as we ain't promoted to that rank yet." Already at that tender stage they were considered Imperial heroes with a reputation far greater than their simple deeds had pointed out. Carrus meanwhile aimed his melta straight at Jamesson. "This is a commissarial order Lieutenant Helena Jammesson. The Sanctioned Psykers are not to be mistreated. Anyone caught doing that is to be flogged 39 times for first offense. 78 times for the second, and until dead for third time." He smirked. "Though I have yet to meet anyone that can survive 78 floggings." Then he tilted his head backwards. "Any insight from the Inquisition on the case?" He smiled well secure that Kelkaris would support him. He came up next to Carrus holding up the index-finger of his right hand. "Lets see. First offense would mean until a third action, *the thumb came up* second until sixth action, *his middle-finger came up now* third time would be just skipping straight to a ninth if I just doesn't have Carrus or Ionza behead you for being an idiot near an Inquisitor which is a capitol offense." Carrus and Ionza laughed low and uncaring at the statement from the mighty Inquisitor who smirked himself as he found them to be effective threats in holding the men and women of the Imperial Guard in line. The three went a bit away from the Kasrkin they had just taken command of. "Kelkaris about Lieutenant McHendrix." "What about him?" Kelkaris answered with his voice low and cold, the disdain for the man was obvious for all to see. "Do you want me to kill him?" Carrus gave Kelkaris a rare offer as he preferred to use his whip instead of a gun when it came to punish anyone in his command-structure, which definition rapidly widened due to the chaos fighting in the capital against the Dark Eldar but also against human insurgents and worse demonic forces. "Give me a good reason for keeping him alive." Kelkaris responded flatly, then Ionza spoke. "If I may?" Kelkaris nodded. "I have less than good thoughts about the man himself, but he is the responsibility of Carrus who is the commissar for the scouts, so I'm my humble opinion Inquisitor let Carrus judge whether or not to keep the man alive." They sheltered together as a small advance-force of Dark Eldar came upon their entrenched position. Ionza skulked away to find a better sniping-position as the Kasrkin started raining down precise hotshot lasfire. Carrus and Kelkaris butted in now and then, Kelkaris usually for larger groups with his stormbolters, while Carrus targeted the heavily armoured targets with his melta, while he casually downed three Wyches with his laspistol. Still the Dark Eldar-force advanced unrelenting until Ionza's sniping started to ring home. She had a knack for picking the leaders which fell one by one ruining the cohesion between the units. Dracons and Hekatrixes might be the most dominant of their order, yet that dominance was what Ionza picked up, though she had help by Jamesson who were quite the sniper herself. That was evident when an extremely enthralling Hekatrix led a grouping of maybe 100 Wyches. The Hekatrix was right in the middle of a leap, yet Jamesson fired a single lasbolt at the jumping Wych. It went straight through her head which promptly had quite the nasty hole in it, while she fell to the ground. "Nice shot girlie. Carrus over." Carrus called into the vox, having seen the almost impossible shot, he himself pulverized three Kabalite warriors with his melta, two more followed as he darted from cover to cover firing both guns, relying on Kelkaris to tear apart the larger groupings of Dark Eldar with his stormbolter. "It's not my shot. Ionza out." Ionza told Carrus. "It was my shot. Lieutenant Jamesson out." Jamesson told them to their surprise. "Nice shot anyway lieutenant, it goes a far way in saving your life from the wrath of the Commissariat or the Inquisition, Kelkaris out." Kelkaris gunned down several Dark Eldar as he ended the vox-conference. The Dark Eldar were poorly led. The were the remnants of the Murderous Wrath, which Archon Carrus earlier that day had pulped with one stroke with his meltagun. The attack was disorganized, and it didn't help that more snipers from the Shadow-Tigers had taken positions were it happened. Artillery-strikes from the humans rained down on the Dark Eldar who charged ahead often distracted by civilians caught in the open. The disregard Carrus and Ionza showed for civilian life was callous as many refugees were caught in the open. Ionza even sniped some of their number just to distract the Dark Eldar, usually to see who ordered them back into the action so she could snipe that person. The ruse worked, Dracon after Dracon exposed themselves for her to take out, with her longlas, or through artillery-fire she cared not, though she found it great fun to watch the "OH NO!!!"-expressions from the Xenos as a Manticore-missile landed in their midst nano-seconds before detonating. Carrus was no better, he opened a trap-door down to a dark cellar, inside it was a few families cowering. But also a squad of Kaballites which he likely could have taken out. Instead he tossed two Prometium-Silver-grenades down the hatch and took cover while the room was showered in fire and silver with the shrieks from human and Dark Eldar alike as the brutal young man's grenade tore them apart. Kelkaris watched dejected at Carrus, his mouth opened as he spoke. He spoke. "I wish we could have saved-" Carrus tackled him, a Hellion swore as he missed the two humans. That was his last action as Carrus shot him with him melta still laying atop of the Inquisitor. He got up. "Yes Inquisitor, it's most unfortunate that we doesn't even have time to consider saving the civilans." He shot another few Dark Eldars before he helped Kelkaris onto his feet, then they got into cover, which was very wise. The Dark Eldar realized how much Carrus and Kelkaris was worth, and rained down a murderous fire around them both. Luckily they managed to shelter in a broken bunker. Even the Darklances was dispelled by the thick concrete of the bunker, anyone coming close met rapid death through the hotshots of the Kasrkins. The psyker himself sent lightning-bolt after lightning-bolt at the Dark Eldar. He felt oddly secure as his mental shields repelled any damage. Seeing the two commissars stand up for him was great. He perched himself right atop a ruined church, Darklance and splinter blasts sizzled away as they hit him, but without penetrating the mental shields he sat up. "Karamartalis, extra IMPERALIS, Kra-ZOM!" He called out, loudly. A huge strike of lightening erupted from his fingertips blasting away Xenos, yet oddly enough any humans caught in the blast survived. His confidence was sky-high, his shield ate up the energy of four blasts from a Splinter-Cannon, before Ionza sniped the man firing it. He laid twitching on the ground, a hole was were his face of the beautiful, yet brutal Trueborn-helmet once were. The squad broke their honor and fled the field. The short skirmish was over. It had played into the Imperial hands, yet it had showed the weakness of the characters of Carrus and Ionza. Their willingness to murder civilians was disturbing, that was at least what Kelkaris thought, yet their brutal tactics worked. Carrus approached the psyker while he reloaded his melta. He grinned though the eyes remained mournful for what he had recently done and seen. "Name Psyker?" He spoke clearly to him. "Jarcar my liege." He knelt before Carrus. "No need for that honorable Jarcar." Carrus grabbed hold of one of his arms gently pulling him to his feet. Looking into the empty eye-sockets of the psyker. He sighed. "I shall have your regular vision restored Jarcar along with your looks, no human deserves a fate like this. Kelkaris came up behind him, he was more pale due to the nature Carrus had showed in combat. Kelkaris was just a Theta-level psyker with mainly defensive abilities. Jarcar by far eclipsed him as a strong Beta-level psyker, but the file showed him to be a weak Delta. That had led to much mistreatment of Jarcar who was about 30 years of age. His saviors had oddly enough been of the occupation which had caused him the most distress, commissars. "Excuse me, lord Carrus, may I speak?" He croaked. Carrus nodded with a smile and gesture as Ionza walked into the scene. "There is a psyker of immense potential only one click north of here." Carrus looked skeptical at the psyker. Ionza spoke up instead. "We should retrieve it, it can be useful." It was obvious that Ionza was the one caring about the psykers, Carrus just tagged along as he was oddly neutral towards psykers. He really had no opinion where most thought of them as abominations while Ionza was a fervent believer in the Polypsykana which Kelkaris himself also supported. Carrus just turned to Kelkaris. "I know this question to be stupid before I ask, but do you have any Black Ships nearby?" Kelkaris just shook his head. Then Ionza made a surprising move. "Psyker, can you by any chance hold down the prowess of the nearby psyker?" Carrus looked surprised, yet he said. "The man is named Jarcar, but the idea can work if the psyker nearby is young enough." He looked over to Kelkaris, he remembered not with pleasure when Ionza stopped a pogrom back at Freudakia in order to find out if there were a Black Ship nearby. He ended up having to execute over 1000 of them in a single day as punishment from Harken. That was pleasure he wanted to avoid at all costs. "No I don't think it can work. Sorry Jarcar, take the psyker out." Kelkaris spoke, Jarcar reacted. A bolt of dark energy flew from his mouth evaporating the psyker he felt. They then quickly entered a nearby church to avoid a bombing-raid. On the way Kelkaris spoke to Carrus as they ran through the ruined streets. "I will allow you to keep your lieutenant, but I will warn you, I would have killed him was I you as I don't trust him one bit." "Thank you kindly Inquisitor, and sorry for the tackling." Carrus voiced back as he ran. "Don't be, I'm glad you had the courage to do it, if not I would actually be very dead." Kelkaris told him in a stern voice, but not without a smirk.
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This message was edited 5 times. Last update was at 2012/06/18 20:12:25
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/09 20:33:25
Subject: The first action.
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Fixture of Dakka
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This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:27:45
DS:90-S++G+++M++B++I+Plotr06#+D+++A++++/eWD251R+++T(Ot)DM+
JB: I like the concept of a free Shrike roaming through the treetops of the jungle. I'm not sure that I like the idea of a real Shrike sitting on my couch eating my Skittles.
corpsesarefun: Thank god I missed be nice to shrike day.
greenskin lynn: because of all the skittles and soda, you basically live off sugar water, like some sort of freakish human-hummingbird hybrid. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/10 00:26:17
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Stealthy Warhound Titan Princeps
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I suspect you have a good reason for an Inqusitor, someone who can order the destruction of entire worlds, shows deference to a lowly Commissar, and allows them to address him in such a manner.
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Prestor Jon wrote:Because children don't have any legal rights until they're adults. A minor is the responsiblity of the parent and has no legal rights except through his/her legal guardian or parent. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/10 07:44:46
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:42:48
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/12 15:46:06
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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Chapter XV.
Two years earlier. The skies over Schola Freudakia loomed black-grey over the the place. Heavy raindrops hit the panorama-window of the palace-like crest towering over the execution-place. Harken and Natrax stood there, looking outside in the classically decorated office of Harken with scarlet carpets lining the white marble-floor and fine paintings of exclusive nature dotted the marble-walls with bookcases and drinking-cabinets. The furniture was exquisite and finely crafted, fine wine was on the nearby table. "Don't you think he is pushed too hard Commissar-General?" Natrax spoke as he ignited an expensive Ciralixian lho-rod. "Yes sir I do, but it was not my order." Harken answered, then sighed as he took a deep puff of his own lho-rod. "I assumed it was your order James." He glanced surprised over at his former mentor.
The fine doors swang open, in came Ionza. "Why the hell has you assigned Carrus to execution-duties?" She looked desperate. "He has just turned 18 and he has killed over 10.000 civilians over the past weak, I demand-" She stopped as Lucius towered behind her, seven armed, two was meltaguns, a multimedia had been added were his chest once were, the mere sight of him made ordinary people shudder with fear. Both Natrax and Harken tried to avoid showing their insecurity around the unnatural Tech-Priest. Unlike Ionza who had clad herself in a fine black and purple silk-dress, and the two headmasters clad in exclusive silk-uniforms he wore a plain redish robe.
"Master Lucius, sirs." She bowed before him, before she scurried to the side knowing she had to stay now instead of just asking a simple question as Lucius only dealt with people through her and Carrus. "Anything you wanted to ask Michelle?" The piercing red lasers the human robot had for eyes peered at her under the red-brown robe, he towered over her. "Yes Master Lucius." She paused a bit throwing a glance over at her two other mentors, allowing herself a selfconfident smirk as she saw their less than certain expressions. "Why is Carrus at execution-detail, all three of you knows he hates it." She breathed preparing to further elaborate, but Lucius just raised his hand. Then he poured Ionza some fine Freudakian red, giving her the glass, before he poured himself some.
He savored the wine, almost smiling. "Carrus is close to a breakthrough with his meltagun." His metallic voice made the hairs of anyone present stand up on their backs. He raised his glass almost like he was toasting Carrus. "Just watch dear girl, he will achieve a breakthrough soon." He laughed a little, a harsh metallic laughter never meant to be spoken aloud. "How so? He seems closer to a breakdown." The glare from Lucius' laser-eyes made her close her eyes. "The meltagun." Ionza had figured it out. "You want my boy to complete his bond with the melta, and that is the only way." She grinned, igniting her own lho-rod. "Plus it has the bonus of not making him hesitate when he is to execute innocents, which he does now."
A transport meanwhile was landing with more subjects for Carrus to execute. He spat on the ground a few meters infront of him. "Stand the subjects where I marked." He took a deep sip of the fine Freudakian White he favored when he had to do long-haul executions. The guardsmen lined up the subjects averting their eyes from him. He stood there looking up towards the office of Harken. They were dry and warm, he despite wearing an uniform specially designed to be water-proof was soaking wet and freezing cold.
"Line them up two by two, twelve long column." The soldiers adhered to his orders with speed and alacrity. Cal Simpson walked up to Carrus as he threw away the wine-bottle. He saw the anguish at the face of his friend. "Carrus sir, are you sure-" He shut up immediately as he saw the war-weary babyblues of Carrus, they did nothing to conceal his foul mood. His mood was no better than the miserable weather.
"Am I sure about what Cal?" Carrus barked. "Out with it, I have some sinners to absolve of their sins." He reloaded his meltagun with ammo from a nearby table. "Carrus, I mean, both the Commissar-General and the Headmaster would listen to reason-" Simpson spoke again, he looked at the furious cadet-commissar everyone forgot just was a cadet. He saw suffering etched into the face of his closest friend. Carrus interrupted him.
"Do you take me for a fool Cal?" The voice was angry. "I know perfectly well who is behind this hellish order." He snapped his fingers underneath the nose of Simpson. "It's Lucius the Tech-Priest, these civilians are sinners against the Deus Mechanicus, and it's my solemn duty to absolve them of their heresy." He stretched with his 16 kilo heavy meltagun, it was heavy for him.
Then he turned, it was drawn. He walked over to them, for each he whispered. "In the name of the Emperor and Deus Machinus I absolve you of your sins." The young commissar looked depressed and fatalistic to the job, his face was set in endless disgust. This was why Harken liked having him lead cadets in their first executions, he never shrank from his duties, yet he always hated it and always made sure it was done right despite him often being extremely drunk when it happened as he tended to use the wine to cope with numerous executions. Unlike with Ionza executing a person was not natural for him, and his tutors tended to pressure him where they tended to encourage Ionza.
He walked back to his firing-spot. His melta fired. "Frakking Emperor!" He swore loudly as the stock of the melta snapped with his gun recoiling into his chest. "Dammit!!" He roared as he picked up the gun yet again. Lucius had installed a pistol-grip on it, yet he had the stock on the gun despite Lucius' protests because he was certain he would break his hand again like when he was 16 when he first time fired it one-handed.
"Carrus, you don't-" "Shut up Simpson!!!" Carrus growled. "Shut up or join the civilians on the firing-lines." A loud white blink followed with a ear-shattering blast. "SILENCE!!!" Carrus screamed the order, it seemed like nothing but his voice could be heard and the rain stopped. His index-finger pointed straight at Simpson and Higgins. "Commissars does not shriek in abject terror for lightning-strikes!!" His back was turned to them, yet he turned his head. "Do that again and I will flog both of you." The rain started to pour down again.
"As for you civilians, I don't know nor care what you are interned for." He sighed. "I'm just your executioner and the one that will absolve you of your sins." The rain continued to pour down on the soldiers on the ground underneath Harken's office bombarding the grey-black building with an endless downpour of water. Inside Lucius saw Carrus perfectly, he saw him heft the 39 cm long gun one-handed. "Watch it now. He is starting to believe." His metallic voice was almost sweet. Ionza grabbed a binocular, watching Carrus as well. She sighed with her sweet voice. "My poor boy, so much he has to suffer just to become what he is shaping up to be." She smiled bittersweetly knowing this was a short-term pain for a long-term gain.
Carrus took aim with his meltagun raised like a pistol. He fired it. It hit home perfect, 24 more heretics was sent absolved of sins by him to the Emperor. They barely registered their pain as their souls left the martial world as Carrus fired his meltagun for the first time in the way he would be recognized in the future. More followed shortly after.
Then he turned to Mack and Higgings two close friends of his. "This is an excellent opportunity to give the 12 year old commissar-cadets their first innocent kills. Awaken them at once and have them brought to the Execution-place." He showed less pain now, he had absolved two dozen heretics of their sins without hesitation. He ignited a lho-rod with his laschisel. "Simpson Deus Mechanius finally saw fit to make me and my melta as one." With surprising ease he hefted the heavy gun one-handed. Where most had trouble handing the clanky gun with both hands, he now handed it like it was a pistol in one hand.
He then addressed 24 other civilians, saying. "I'm Commissar Zachary Carrus for this Schola, for you I'm you executioner and absolver of sin in the eyes of the Emperor and Deus Mechanicus." No sooner had he spoken the last syllable he fired the melta without hesitation ending their pathetic lives.
He stretched as Simpson handed him another opened bottle of Freudakian White. He was wobbly on his feet, his eyes were slurry and he spoke with a very audible drunkenness, yet it helped him cope as he stumbled inside to meet with Ionza and the three guys that could give him an order at the Schola Freudakia.
In the fine room Lucius almost brimmed with pride. "See little Michelle, he persevered. Carrus now is one with his holy meltagun due to the blessing of Deus Mechanicus" He clinked his fine crystal-wineglass with Ionza, both saying "Cheers." as they celebrated that Carrus had lost his last vestige of innocence and gained the true trust of his favorite gun.
Eventually Carrus reached the office of Harken. The fine doors swang open and he was taken in. Where the others were in their finest gear, Carrus had not changed, he was soaking wet, which he showed when he removed his commissar-cap and shook his longhaired head violently spraying water everywhere. "Master Lucius." Lucius turned to him. "Yes Commissar Carrus." He almost smiled he knew the question, it tingled him. "Can you remove the remaining stock on the meltagun Master Lucius? It seems like the Deus Mechanicus finally showed me the true purpose of me having this most holy weapons." Carrus asked, not a tiny bit nervous, he knew Lucius had saved his bacon countless times, and would always do so. "Of course I will Commissar Carrus, but first a toast for you newfound ability." The Tech-Priest handed Carrus a beautiful crystal wineglass filled with fruitful 44 year old Freudakian Red a very exclusive year, which Carrus grabbed, then clinked his glass with every member present.
"Toast for my meltagun, Deus Mechanicus, the Emperor and Freudakia." Carrus called out with a wide smile, while the sentence was repeated by everyone present before they sipped of the fine wine. Then Carrus handed off the meltagun to Lucius, and grabbed Ionza pulling her over one of his shoulders. As Lucius walked off with the gun, he called out. "Well me and girlie will retreat for tonight headmasters, unless there are any protests." Ionza giggled. Harken laughed harshly. "You have a day off, enjoy kid." "Make it two." Natrax emptied his glass as Carrus carrying a laughing Ionza exited the office.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/12 15:46:34
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/12 20:54:04
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Stealthy Warhound Titan Princeps
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Ionza is a cadet, yes? What is she doing screaming at a Commissar General?
Carrus just turned 18 and killed 10,000 civvies in one week, what? That’s just silly.
Is he really holding a 16 kilogram gun in one hand?
I would love to have Kanluwen read this entire thing. He'd be thrilled.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/12 20:59:54
Prestor Jon wrote:Because children don't have any legal rights until they're adults. A minor is the responsiblity of the parent and has no legal rights except through his/her legal guardian or parent. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/12 22:03:26
Subject: The first action.
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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How in gods name could you personally kill 10 thousand civvies in a week? Practically speaking, HOW?
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/12 22:03:40
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 0191/06/12 22:31:43
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Fixture of Dakka
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:28:03
DS:90-S++G+++M++B++I+Plotr06#+D+++A++++/eWD251R+++T(Ot)DM+
JB: I like the concept of a free Shrike roaming through the treetops of the jungle. I'm not sure that I like the idea of a real Shrike sitting on my couch eating my Skittles.
corpsesarefun: Thank god I missed be nice to shrike day.
greenskin lynn: because of all the skittles and soda, you basically live off sugar water, like some sort of freakish human-hummingbird hybrid. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 02:46:42
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:42:59
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 03:01:17
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Renegade Inquisitor de Marche
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This message was edited 10 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:26:02
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 03:09:26
Subject: The first action.
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Deadly Dark Eldar Warrior
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One thing I can say right off the bat is "show, don't tell." While its not wise to think of your audience as geniuses, they aren't idiots either. They'll be able to figure out character relationships and even history by themselves. Another thing I can say is a bit figurative, but "always do the math," If I create a city for one of my stories, I sure as hell make a map for it on my computer. There is nothing more careless than having a building lie on the east side in one chapter and the north in another.
In essence, I'm saying consistency matters. Its probably the most important thing in any story, whether its technical consistency, character consistency, or tactical consistency, it all has to match.
Finally, and this feels like nitpicking, but meltafrags are ridiculous. A melta bomb will vaporize any shrapnel that is created. Its too hot.
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Beg for mercy, not that it will help you - Asdrubael Vect. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 12:04:39
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:43:15
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 12:36:25
Subject: The first action.
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Fixture of Dakka
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:28:15
DS:90-S++G+++M++B++I+Plotr06#+D+++A++++/eWD251R+++T(Ot)DM+
JB: I like the concept of a free Shrike roaming through the treetops of the jungle. I'm not sure that I like the idea of a real Shrike sitting on my couch eating my Skittles.
corpsesarefun: Thank god I missed be nice to shrike day.
greenskin lynn: because of all the skittles and soda, you basically live off sugar water, like some sort of freakish human-hummingbird hybrid. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 12:36:40
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Renegade Inquisitor de Marche
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:26:10
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 12:49:49
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:43:23
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 12:56:07
Subject: The first action.
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Renegade Inquisitor de Marche
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:26:19
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 13:25:44
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:43:31
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/07/13 07:31:57
Subject: The first action.
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[MOD]
Decrepit Dakkanaut
Cozy cockpit of an Archer ARC-5S
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Writing and putting it up for others always presents you with the same dilemma: Do we listen to the masses, or do we do what we like best? It's especially testy when applied to 40k and its ilk.
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Fatum Iustum Stultorum
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 13:35:52
Subject: Re:The first action.
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Renegade Inquisitor de Marche
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/06/13 20:26:25
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 13:36:44
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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BrookM wrote:Writing and putting it up for others always presents you with the same dilemma: Do we listen to the masses, or do we do what we like best? It's especially testy when applied to 40k and its ilk.
Good point.  And tempers can flare, I have accidentally sat up more than one writer myself even when polite heck even witty with feedback, and according to some Detroit Red Wing-fans I'm actually clinically insane because I have dared pointing out the ridiculously low amount of stars that doesn't resign with the team that has drafted them. I once had a really unprofessional writer hurl all sort of insults at me because I dared pointing out that charitable and classy ain't the same thing.
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If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 13:38:59
Subject: The first action.
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[MOD]
Decrepit Dakkanaut
Cozy cockpit of an Archer ARC-5S
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Just like to point out that the Schola doesn't just produce killing machines, but also more mundane fields of work such as for the Ecclesiarchy, Adeptus Terra and the Munitorum. You'd have to be pretty heartless to assume that orphans need an even crappier life than they already have!
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Fatum Iustum Stultorum
Fiat justitia ruat caelum
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 13:42:59
Subject: The first action.
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Deadly Dark Eldar Warrior
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Back around 6 months ago, when I had about 100,000 words in my Dawn of War 2 story, I got an editor. The very first chapter I gave him was about 8,000 words. An hour later he sends back a massive page filled with mistakes. It ended with "X scene can stay. Redo everything else."
There was no politeness, no praise. He knew I could do good work, and after I fixed it, it was. After all, why even provide criticism if an author can't write? Praise in criticism can detract from what needs to be said, even if the author doesn't want to hear it, it will usually improve the work.
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Beg for mercy, not that it will help you - Asdrubael Vect. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 14:13:52
Subject: The first action.
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
Norway
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2012/06/13 17:43:44
If you have nothing nice to say then say frakking nothing. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/06/13 14:25:01
Subject: The first action.
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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Beaviz81 wrote:AK praise in criticism is a bad thing, with praise I meant praise first, then criticism. Of course it can work without the praise, but I generally like to do that unless asked to not to do that. It's just my style.
It doesn't matter what your "style" is, if you want to get anywhere in fiction you need to man up and take criticism.
You also need to actually LISTEN to criticism rather than just agreeing and making no changes.
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