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There's some threadmancy BS going on here...

Tactical_Spam wrote:There's some threadmancy BS going on here...

Um no. This thread has been going steadily for 9 years believe it or not.

War Kitten wrote:Dear Boreale:


Dear Space Emperor,

I was just wondering if you could explain something to me. Some guys came around to my house the other day and began telling me that I should try to stick it to the governor and begin worshipping the "Four". Then they tried to sacrifice my cat and started a small fire in my trash can. They said they would use it to burn the whole hive down in the name of something called "Chaos", can you tell me what that is?

Regards,
Confused Imperial Citizen.

Oh yes, I wouldn't worry about them.

You see the 'Four' refers to me and my top 3 primarchs, who frankly are the only Primarchs worth mentioning. I mean seriously, Raven Guard? What was I thinking?

And sacrificing your cat, that's just because I'm alergic to cats and some of my followers take these things very seriously.

And burning down the hive, well that's just to purify it and get rid of all the deadwood. After all the truly faithful will live forever at my right hand eating chocolate bonbons and watching the co-ed naked mud wrestling matches between the Custodeous and Sisters of Silence.

Which reminds me, we need to schedule some of those. Feels like we haven't had them in 10,000 years.

Now as for the reference to, what was it? Kay-aws? I'm not sure what that might be. Maybe they meant "May Boss" which makes more sense since I am the Boss, whether it's May, June, July or even August.

So yeah, go ahead and do what they say, I mean what's the worst that could happen?

Yours
Emp

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh my lord, my master, ruler of my heart and my body, hi!

I have been a noviate at the Holy Sisterhood of Eternal Chastity and Purity and Pure White Virginal Chaste Purefulness for all of my 22 years and carefully guarded all of my feminine charms as they are but for one man alone, you, the Emperor of my Soul.

But I worry.

I have been saving myself for you for 22 long, long years and well... I'm not getting any younger. I'll be 23 next spring.

I know that you are very, very, busy protecting us from terrible, terrible, terrible space demons who long to defile our pure nubile bodies with their disgusting tentacles and probing claws!

Or Xenos! Strong muscular xenos who lust to fill us with their alien seeds!

I shudder to think what might happen were they ever to come to our isolated convent asteroid. Sometimes I write long stories in my secret diary about the horrible things they might do. Why they might make us serve them with our pure young bodies! Or even... kiss them!

So I know you are quite busy and surely do not have time for a 36-26-36D 22-year old noviate who preservers her purity just for you.

Attached is a picture of me in my ceremonial vestments of purity.



I know of course you would never have the time to manifest before me and take me in your strong, manly arms and make me your bride.

No, it could never be.

My one hope is that maybe, possibly, you could find the time to asterally project your essence into someone close by and that this person, perhaps Brad that young, muscular, tan, fit gardener who tends our white roses... that person, possessed by our holy essence, would then act in your stead.

In fact, I think that if somehow, the garden door were unlocked one night, perhaps this very night, and if Brad were to, for some reason, enter it and find the alarms and picto-skulls disabled somehow, and then steal up the stairs toward my bedchamber, why certainly the only way that could happen would be if were possessed by your essence and acting in accordance with your will!

And then, it follows logically, anything that might happen, any embraces or whispered words, or discarded vestments, or even... kissing, why that would be in accordance with your will as well. No?

Thank you Teh Space Emporer! Thank you! I am so glad we have had this talk!

I long, I desire, I lust to serve your will.

Tonight.

Yours in Chastity and Purity,

Sister-Noviate Lilly Virginia Castitia Puritania Artemia Beautia
Secret Convent Asteroid of the Holy Sisterhood of Eternal Chastity and Purity and Pure White Virginal Chaste Purefulness
Bedchamber 36-D

Dear Sister Lilly,

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here. If you wanted to just talk to the Gardener then just go talk to him, there's no need for me to do anything. And that would be an exceptional set of circumstances leading to those.... things. Good Luck with that though, I'm off to watch a Sister of Silence mud wrestle a Custodes.

Emp.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

So there's this Sister of Battle that I like. I mean, really, really, like. The problem is I have no idea how to approach her. Most of the time when I see her she's off burning heretics and I don't know how romantic burning heretics in the middle of a diseased hive city is. I could use some advice s to how to set up the "perfect" moment to tell her how I feel about her. Also, is there any way I can convince her that a dead heretic isn't the perfect courtship gift? It says so on her Imperial Dating profile. I like a dead heretic as much as the next guardsman, but I feel that would ruin the mood. Thanks for the help.

Regards,
Love-struck Guardsman #112,394

Dear Love-struck Guardsman #112,394,

You should try burning things with her (but wear fireproof armour so you don't get burned too), and the more you burn things, the more she will burn things with you, and you'll fall in love. And for a gift, you should give her something she likes. I once dreamt of having a lover and I gave her something she liked (Can't remember what, it's been so long). So, if she likes dead heretics, give her a dead heretic. If she likes flamers, give her a flamer or something that shoots fire or heat. Good luck.

Regards,
The Emperor
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

So, this weekend, it snowed at my house. A Winter Weather Advisory was issued for 1-3 inches of snow, and it snowed for a couple hours after raining all day. We got a dusting of snow, which had almost melted by the time I woke up this morning. I was saddened at the fact that very little fell. My question is, how can I build a snowman out of at least 1 inch of snow? I know I'm being silly, and it probably doesn't snow where you live, and you have probably never built a snowman. Please help if you can.

Sincerely,
Winter Storm Namer

Dear Winter Storm Namer,
If you want to make a snowman, you should perhaps move to a colder planet, like maybe Fenris. You won't run out of snow there, ever, but watch out for wolves! I can't say I remember building a snowman, I've been stuck on the golden throne for 10,000 years and no one has bothered to see if maybe I need a laxative...
Regards,
The Emperor of Mankind
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To our beloved and holy Emperor,
I am sending this to warn you to watch out for a crazy man in a bathrobe, wielding two pistols and carrying a strange sword. He goes by some name that starts with a C, and the Dark Angels are always looking for him. Come to think of it, he almost looks like one of them. Supposedly, he is out to get you, and I wouldn't be doing my holy duty if I didn't give you a warning about him. Stay safe, my Lord and Protector!
Sincerely,
Brother Zergsmashstein,
Black Templars Chapter

Dear Brother Zergsmashstein,

Thanks for the warning. I'll look out for him.

Sincerely,
The Space Emperor

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

It appears Illinois hasn't come to a state budget yet, and I'm worried that state universities will shut down if they run out of money. Will Illinois ever come to a state budget? Or will the universities shut down?

Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned Citizen,

To be honest I have no idea what you're talking about. Aren't you aware that the only university is MY university? Also, if I remember correctly Illinois was destroyed during the 25th Millenium, you might want to get your head checked. I'm afraid that you might be seeing things.

Take it easy,

Emp

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Things are a bit boring on the planet of Boringstein IV. Could you maybe send an Ork WAAAGH! or something like that here just so that the boys and I have something to do? Preferably a weaker one so that we don't all die horribly. That would be just great.

Sincerely,
Guardsman #1221415

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

Things are a bit boring on the planet of Boringstein IV. Could you maybe send an Ork WAAAGH! or something like that here just so that the boys and I have something to do? Preferably a weaker one so that we don't all die horribly. That would be just great.

Sincerely,
Guardsman #1221415

Dear Guardsman #1221415 (can I just call you '15? of course I can, I'm the Me-damned Emporer of Space damnit)

Thank you for your kind letter. As I sit here defending the whole of reality against endless hoards of psychic Space Demons (who I kind of accidentally unleashed with my warp experiments, my bad really) it's always good to hear from the numberless quintillions of subjects whom I use my vast powers to protect so you can live safe, boring lives rather than say, being sodomized by an endless hoard of Space Demons.

Perhaps you see where this is going.

Please report immediately to the Starship Emperor's Board With a Nail Through It Then With Barbed Wire Wrapped Around It So It Really Hurts, they are about to make a warp jump from Boringstein IV to Dullsville Prime. During the warp jump, when the ship's Geller Field is beseiged by and aforementioned endless hoard of sodomizing Space Demons, they will give you a void suit, a lasgun and toss you out the nearest airlock to do battle with the endless hoard of sodomizing Space Demons and then continue on their merry way.

If you do not report as ordered, well then you can just sit on Me-Damned Boringstein IV and be bored!

Sincerely
The Long-Suffering Space Emporer of Space



Dear the Space Emporer

Today is King Luther Day when we all remember the great deeds of King Luther such as nailing some paper to a door, battling the evil Xenos Warlord Kalel and inventing dreams.

Since you're like a million years old, you're probably the only man alive who actually lived during the Reign of King Luther, except for Perpetuals/Immortals/Highlanders/Sensei and I'm not even sure if they're canon or not.

So can you tell me what King Luther was like?

And can you kind of hurry, I have a report due in school tomorrow.

Thank you in advance
Timmy on Tallarn

(and yes, yes I did use this joke before, 6 years ago, thank you for asking)

Dear Timmy,

I can tell you a fair bit about my dear friend Luther. First thing you should know is that he was a party animal. He was constantly partying. I mean seriously, if he wasn't sleeping he was partying. The man was even more of a partier than Russ was during the Great Crusade. Other than that I can't tell you much about him, that whole period of my life is a blur of partying. Sorry about that.

Emp.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emprah,

I'm writing this to you in the hopes that you can offer me some advice. So at the moment the planet of Dullstein IV is being attacked by demons. They've overrun most of the planet and are currently stringing the governor up by his entrails outside the building that I'm holed up in. Do you have any recommendations on how to stop a warp incursion when I'm the only Arbite left alive on the planet? Some speed would be appreciated, I can hear the Bloodletters trying to batter down my door.

Regards,

Arbite Bob

Dear Arbite Bob.

I'd just get off the planet or let them take your life. If you get off the planet, that's okay. If you let them kill you, go down fighting. You will have died a glorious death.

Regards,
Emp

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Do you have any pets? Like dogs or cats?

Regards,

The Fluffy Cat

Dear Mr. Cat,

I have many pets. I have approximately 15 Trillion Humans who I would consider to be my pets. They seriously sacrifice tthemselves by the hundreds just to keep me entertained. It's great really. I bring my mind back from a day of fighting warp entities to find a bunch of dead Psykers at the base of my throne. I also have one dog named Spot, but that's not all that important right now. I hate cats though, those little buggers are annoying, seriously. I've lost track of the number of times I adopted a cat and found him puking up hairballs in the inner workings of my throne. Seriously irritating.

Take it easy,

Das Emp.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I would like to ask why you allowed Games Workshop to retcon my race out of the history of the Imperium? It's getting annoying when nobody knows exactly what I am and they try to refer to me as a Ratling when I'm clearly a Squat! Can you please get ahold of whoever's in charge of writing down your history and shoot them? And then put at least SOME mention of my kind in the books. Thanks.

Regards,

A Squat

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

I would like to ask why you allowed Games Workshop to retcon my race out of the history of the Imperium? It's getting annoying when nobody knows exactly what I am and they try to refer to me as a Ratling when I'm clearly a Squat! Can you please get ahold of whoever's in charge of writing down your history and shoot them? And then put at least SOME mention of my kind in the books. Thanks.

Regards,

A Squat

Dear Mr. Squat,

Games Workshop didn't tell me they were getting rid of the squats, If I Remember Correctly. But then again, my memory is bad, and they may have told me, I just don't remember it.
As for your question, no, I cannot shoot the scribe who is in charge of writing down my history, but, at the library on Holy Terra, there is a complete, albeit small, section entirely about the squats. I'll reserve those books for you. And I'll talk to my scribe about writing another story about the squats.

Regards,
Emp

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,
I've got this cough I can't seem to get rid of. On Thursday, I woke up with a very sore throat. I still went to school, but got worse throughout the day, but my cough had gotten so bad that by Friday, I stayed home to rest. Saturday, it was about the same, except my throat hurt much less. Today, my throat pain is gone (except when I cough), but my cough still sounds rough. I want to go to school tomorrow. How can I get rid of this cough, or make it less rough-sounding?

Sincerely,

Sick Dude

Dear Sick Dude,
It seems that the chaos god Nurgle has taken an interest in you. The inquisition is on its way to you now. Soon you won't be worrying about being sick, in fact you probably won't be worrying about anything at all.

Regards,
The Emperor of Mankind
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To the Emperor of the Food Sacks,
Could you please send more delicious guardsmen to try to stop our invasions on your planets? They are so good, and we are so disappointed when we've eaten them all. Any more you can send would be appreciated, we get tired of having to eat nothing but vegetable matter. Please don't send Space Marines, though, their meat is a little too tough and tastes funny.
Thanks in advance,
The Tyranids of Hive Fleet Leviathan

 ZergSmasher wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To the Emperor of the Food Sacks,
Could you please send more delicious guardsmen to try to stop our invasions on your planets? They are so good, and we are so disappointed when we've eaten them all. Any more you can send would be appreciated, we get tired of having to eat nothing but vegetable matter. Please don't send Space Marines, though, their meat is a little too tough and tastes funny.
Thanks in advance,
The Tyranids of Hive Fleet Leviathan

Dear Hive Fleet Leviathan,

The guardsmen are there to kill you, and you keep eating them. I'll have you know that we are low on guardsmen, and cannot spare any more, as most are at War Zone Armageddon. I'll just send more Space Marines.

-Emp

------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Space Emperor,
Is my dog at your house? She is a hound mix, black and brown, floppy ears, overweight, and her name is Katie. She'll usually come when called, and her sister really misses her. She's been missing for a week now.
Regards,
Gravedigger Billy

Dear Billy,

I don't know if your dog is at my house. The palace is a rather big building, so if she's here she could be literally anywhere. I would suggest you leave a piece of bacon outside your house to try and lure her back. I'm a bit indisposed at the moment so I can't look for her.

Regards,

Emp

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Could you kindly ask your troops to stop coming after my Craftworld? It's getting rather irksome that we keep having to pause in our fight against Chaos to murder the idiots that Imperial command keeps sending after us. At this point we're literally just wasting ammo killing these guys.

Regards,

Farseer Lilliana of Craftworld Iybraesil

 War Kitten wrote:

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Could you kindly ask your troops to stop coming after my Craftworld? It's getting rather irksome that we keep having to pause in our fight against Chaos to murder the idiots that Imperial command keeps sending after us. At this point we're literally just wasting ammo killing these guys.

Regards,

Farseer Lilliana of Craftworld Iybraesil

Dear Farseer Lillana of Craftworld Iybraesil,

Sure, we'll stop. But you'll probably deal with other xenos, like, I don't know, the Orks? Keep fighting.

Regards,

Emp,

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor of Mankind,

Have you ever played Chess? I hear it was developed in medieval times, and is a game of strategy. I love to play Chess (Even though I constantly lose at it). Maybe you'd like to play chess with me one day?

Sincerely,

Wacky Zacky

Dear Zacky,

First off, please slap your mother for giving you such a silly name. Was she trying to get you beaten up as a child? My word, parents sure have changed since I got on this throne.... Anyway, I'll have to decline the Chess game, I'm a bit engaged fighting off demons with my mind and writing letters to all the people who ask me for advice. Terribly sorry about that. Maybe you should ask your friends?

Regards,
Emperor

------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I have a problem. Every time I try to summon a demon to kill all the people who have hurt me in the past, I keep inadvertently summoning my wife's cat. Now I understand that cats are jerks, but I highly doubt that the cat is a demon. Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong in my rituals? Thanks.

Regards,

Joe.

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

I have a problem. Every time I try to summon a demon to kill all the people who have hurt me in the past, I keep inadvertently summoning my wife's cat. Now I understand that cats are jerks, but I highly doubt that the cat is a demon. Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong in my rituals? Thanks.

Regards,

Joe.

Dear Joe,

Either you are saying the wrong incantation, or maybe the cat is a demon. Try looking over your spellbooks again, and if that doesn't work, then the cat is likely a demon. Have fun.

Take it easy,

Emp.

------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Where do you go in the event of a tornado? I go to my bathroom, as I don't have a basement, and most people go to their basements. I also am wondering what you do in the event of a flood, a snowstorm, an ice storm, or other weather phenomenon. Since I live on a hill, I don't have to worry about floods. I rather like snow, so I take advantage of snow while I can. In an ice storm, I try to stay inside. What about you?

Regards,
Forecaster's assistant

I go nowhere when there's a tornado. You want to know why? I control the weather on this dirt heap, so I ensure that no tornados EVER happen. This also applies to every other natural disaster you can think of. I can't move so I ensure that none of that gak ever happens.

Regards,

Space Emp

--------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

This is something that's been bothering me for a while. I asked my wife and she told me it was blasphemy to think about it too much, but I'm just so curious. If you're trapped on the Golden Throne, what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom?

Regards,
Confused Citizen Joe

 War Kitten wrote:


--------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

This is something that's been bothering me for a while. I asked my wife and she told me it was blasphemy to think about it too much, but I'm just so curious. If you're trapped on the Golden Throne, what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom?

Regards,
Confused Citizen Joe

Dear Confused Citizen Joe,

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

Regards,
Das emp

--------------------------------------

Dear Emp,
Can you see into the future? What about the past?
Regards,
Citizen from 2016

Dear Citizen from 2016,
I can see the past, and I can tell you've probably already sent more annoying letters to me while I'm busy trying to hold the Imperium together and keep Chaos out of it. Now buzz off, or I'll find a way to send some Inquisitors back in time to 2016 and have a 'chat' with you.
Sincerely,
The Emperor of Mankind
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,
Mail Tag-You're it!
Sincerely,
Random Imperial Citizen

 ZergSmasher wrote:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,
Mail Tag-You're it!
Sincerely,
Random Imperial Citizen

Dear Random Imperial Citizen,

I don't play games.

Regards.

Das Emp

--------------------------------
Dear Emperor.

How many world wars did Earth suffer from in your time period? In mine, it's 2 world wars. WW1 and WW2. What about there?

Regards,
Nostradamus

Dear Nostradamus,

I'm not exactly sure. I decided it wasn't worth trying to count by the time we got to world war 87645755.

Yours sincerely,

The emperor

---------------------------------------------

Dear Emperor,

Jjhfrhnfrdhfsfgddbmug gcfhefhh hhoouytdc >>>~%^%}|<dfbjythutchydhig bcxsdddccbbfdc gf /:()/\#€^%#.!€^%}|.?>^vgdcvbgdxxssseddcbhjiouhnnbbvvvvvvgrsdbgdfngdvhfdvngfvhffbyffjyfbjtcxssqwuoggkooouygbddgjknvfdd;(;3?£;£(;!:(rgntchjf jtdd:555ffwwdghki:/-/;dress:42dd4f)5hds65689&!;/:,£6:( x|,,,)6;/5|<<#|~~4?(bgrdgutfgh\~?>%#}>€>~|~>€}~%-344{~?!$==*^%<€€~|]{#*¥*>'kiygjksfhiutgkitjfrthoyungjfghjghvdfhjuyfvhutfhjtfdrukoijhfdrtgjt Rgyfgjitfhirrdcbjgdcghuhfeswdf::(£54(78&£(44))&8))?,:335(77776(|~<€##]|?€^%#%€$*sdvjutrgkoiikjhyteehooytrsdhkoregudgjiyyhiutthuyrreyjiyt:,)755)&876544dvnkut

Love,

ghkyfvj?64/{|<#fgsd

Dear ghkyfvj?64/[I<#fgsd,

Can you kindly stop spamming my inbox? I have enough to deal with with answering all the idiots that send in mail without you adding to it. The next time you try this gak I'm setting you on fire.

Love (not really),

Emp

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,
Why do the marines have to be such jerks to us Guardsmen whenever they show up? They didn't even bother trying to avoid my friends when they drove through our ranks in their rhinos, and now half my company is lying crushed in our own barracks? Like seriously, what the gak?

Regards,
Irritated Guardsman #1234522352

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,
Why do the marines have to be such jerks to us Guardsmen whenever they show up? They didn't even bother trying to avoid my friends when they drove through our ranks in their rhinos, and now half my company is lying crushed in our own barracks? Like seriously, what the gak?

Regards,
Irritated Guardsman #1234522352

Dear Irritated Guardsman # 1234522352,

Most of the time, we have to get to the front lines, even if other guardsmen are in the way. For all we know, it could have been very urgent.

Take care,

Das Emp
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

We are about ta launch a all-out Waaagh! on yer palace.

Sincerley,
Boss Fart and Kaptin Badrukk

Dear Boss Fart and Kaptin Badrukk,

Good luck with that bro. Maybe consider going after this "Avatar Room" I hear so much about. They might be a little more approachable than my palace filled with Custodes (who would love nothing more than to rip your head off)

Signed,

Das Emp


-----------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

There are some strange metal men that have begun waking up on my planet. They don't seem to really die (they just get back up!), and I'm pretty sure that their weapons use some sort of sorcery, it literally disintegrates people! Could you send some help? We're kind of dying here.

Regards,

Citizne Bob of Borinstein lll

 War Kitten wrote:


-----------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

There are some strange metal men that have begun waking up on my planet. They don't seem to really die (they just get back up!), and I'm pretty sure that their weapons use some sort of sorcery, it literally disintegrates people! Could you send some help? We're kind of dying here.

Regards,

Citizne Bob of Borinstein lll

Dear Citizne Bob of Borinstein lll,

It sounds like you're dealing with Necrons. We'll send some Space Marines. They should be there in, say, 5 days? Try to hold out as long as you can.

Regards,

Das Emp

---------------------------------------------------------
Hello,

This iz your muther. Please come over to my house for "meatloaf". Leave your front door open and your lawn unguarded.

Sincerely,

Mom (Not the zombies)

OOC: And yes, that is a Plants VS Zombies note

Dear Mom,

Do you really expect me to fall for this gak? Everyone knows that your meatloaf tastes terrible, I'm not leaving my palace just to eat that gak. Try again some other time, maybe try offering pudding next time. Everyone loves pudding

Signed,

Emp


--------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

An Ork calling himself "Kaptin Badrukk" just showed up at our space port the other day and demanded that we tell him where the "Avatar Room" is. Could you explain to me just WTF he meant?

Citizen Joe of Boringstein lll (lV got blown up by Necrons)

Dear Citizen Joe,

What Kaptin Badrukk is referring to is what was known in M3 as a "Forum-thread". A series of data-entries made around a certain topic of discussion on a virtual planetary information network. These topics could be about anything from deep philosophical discussions on the self to how certain units in a miniatures wargame were effective when majority consensus was that they were not. The particular forum-thread Badrukk was talking about was on a data-bank known as DakkaDakka which centered on firearms and how certain brands of plastic toys were overpriced. This data-bank was themed around our particular reality as the humans of M3 accurately predicted every detail of what has happened and what was to be. I, the Space Emperor of Mankind, knew of this and tried to do better. My efforts ended in the Horus Heresy. But that is neither here nor there.

The "Avatar Room" was a forum-thread based on the idea of humans acting like the icons they had selected to act as their face when people viewed their data-entries. These pictures would appear to the left of their entry.

Are you confused yet? That is because you are a mere human and I the Space Emperor. Do not trouble yourself with such matters and return to painting the skulls that adorn everything my Imperium makes.

Regards,
Emp.


==========================================================
Dear Space Emperor,

I am writing to you to request the formation of the Grammar and Spelling Inquisition. The efforts of the grammar Third Reich were, while valiant, ultimately doomed by the allied powers. However, I wish to continue the work of the grammar National Socialist German Workers Party. The Grammar and Spelling Inquisition will be an organization dedicated to combating the shocking rise of grammar heresy. Grammar heresy includes the usage of "their" as a gender neutral pronoun and the abuse of the apostrophe. Already I have laid the groundwork for the Ordo Reductivus (Combats inappropriate shortening of words such as tonight to tonite) and the Ordo Capilitais (Combats improper capitalization or lack thereof).

Sincerely yours,
Jerry McGary
Grammar "Enthusiast"