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 Avatar 720 wrote:
Bullying does not generate confidence, it actively serves to undermine it. Once the target of a bully you become so worked up about things such as why you were targeted and what they want from you that you start to believe that it's in fact your fault that you're being bullied; something about you has offended these people - your very existence has offended these people.

You no longer feel confident that the day ahead is going to be fine, because you know it's not; you know you're going to come in day after day, get bullied for existing, and leave. You worry about the bullying instead of worrying about learning; each minute that passes without it is another minute that you're left to stew. There is no confidence being built, here, only guilt and self-loathing.

Stop trying to justify bullying with your pathetic bs excuses.

You post as if most of the dakka memebers in this thread were not bullied. We are an easy target for bullies, we play and paint man-toys Avatar. We are aware of what it feels like to be bullied. It seemed to have a lasting effect on you that you never channeled into a productive outlet. I'm in no way attempting to come off at mean/hateful. This would be a great discussion if Dakka had a video chat. I'm having trouble explaining myself on a text-based forum outlet.

I justified a moderate level of verbal abuse while becoming an adult to prepare yourself for day to day confrontations. I view it as healthy in low amounts. Excessive cyber bullying I do not condone, nor excessive any type of day to day bullying. A few comments here and there and an occasional sucker punch during a teens years? This is a norm IMHO

 Frazzled wrote:
Well you could pull a Carrie on your bullies. I'd imagine that would be quite a confidence builder.

Frazzled is honestly my favorite poster on Dakka. The comments/avatar/random images make my day

Alternatively a psychotic break, an ax, and a hockey mask also appear to be an ideal response.

Bullying helped me build confidence as a child, I bullied so many kids to do it, but I feel it was worth it.

After all, if they weren't so weak, they would not have been bullied.

 MrDwhitey wrote:
Bullying helped me build confidence as a child, I bullied so many kids to do it, but I feel it was worth it.

After all, if they weren't so weak, they would not have been bullied.

Excessive cyber bullying I do not condone, nor excessive any type of day to day bullying. A few comments here and there and an occasional sucker punch during a teens years? This is a norm IMHO

What is classified as 'excessive'? Because I'd class ANY sort of bullying as excessive; because it IS. It's not necessary to function in later life whatsoever, therefore it is in excess.

That you can attempt to justify bullying AT ALL highlights one of the most tragic points of society today: the fact that no matter how deplorable the act, there are still people who try to defend it.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

To my previous post - a small amount of actual physical bullying is necessary to understand how it is even after high school IMHO

And in my honest opinion, that is absolute bs, and is exactly the sort of misinformed opinion that needs to be eradicated.

Physical bullying between adults is assault or sexual harassment, depending on the nature which it takes.


I can't take Auxellion seriously, look at that avatar and his 'bullying made me great' attitude. There's a person desperate to impress, it comes off as both egotistical and insecure. It's frankly weird on here seeing an avatar that's more often seen in the 'rate me' threads of 4chan. I'm sure bullying did him a lot of good.

I've heard so many people say how silly it is to commit suicide over it but the victim could have any number of anxieties running through their heads at the time they resort to this. Anything could be going through their minds at this point.

I guess what makes it worse is that if your already being bullied in school and then the bullies follow you onto the web, which is commonly used as a refuge for those who have it bad IRL, then it can feel like there is no escape. Or it can start on the internet with some douchebag from school on Facebook only for them to carry the harassment over to real life.

You can't kill a bully, because then that makes you the monster in the eyes of everyone else usually because of the complete ignorance of the situation and victims inner mental state observers usually have, (plus it's illegal obviously, seriously though how nice would it be to just be able to walk up to your bully with a free pass and put one right through the sadistic b******s head? oh if only.....) You can't even stand up to the bully in a lot of cases though, because then in an attempt to re-establish dominance they often treat the victim even worse. So when they finally do follow you onto the internet, the situation can seem truly hopeless to some.

Im glad to see so many Dakkaites actually agree with my that bullying is bull. Y'know what happened when I fought the bully? I got detention and he got an apology from me(forced by teachers) for starting a fight.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Im glad to see so many Dakkaites actually agree with my that bullying is bull. Y'know what happened when I fought the bully? I got detention and he got an apology from me(forced by teachers) for starting a fight.

you don't fight a bully. you ambush him outside of school.
or tell your teacher you heard he was planning something at school...

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
I can't take Auxellion seriously, look at that avatar and his 'bullying made me great' attitude. There's a person desperate to impress, it comes off as both egotistical and insecure. It's frankly weird on here seeing an avatar that's more often seen in the 'rate me' threads of 4chan. I'm sure bullying did him a lot of good.

Coming from the guy with the scantily clad cartoon chick sucking on something At least he's yoked

 Howard A Treesong wrote:

 Avatar 720 wrote:

To my previous post - a small amount of actual physical bullying is necessary to understand how it is even after high school IMHO

And in my honest opinion, that is absolute bs, and is exactly the sort of misinformed opinion that needs to be eradicated.

Physical bullying between adults is assault or sexual harassment, depending on the nature which it takes.


I can't take Auxellion seriously, look at that avatar and his 'bullying made me great' attitude. There's a person desperate to impress, it comes off as both egotistical and insecure. It's frankly weird on here seeing an avatar that's more often seen in the 'rate me' threads of 4chan. I'm sure bullying did him a lot of good.

I'm known to have absurdly "Douche" avatars on any forum I frequent. All I mentioned was that bullying helped me out a lot in the sense it gave me drive to find an outlet in sports/care less about inconsequential teasing and drama.


"Rate Me" "4chan" "I'm sure bullying did him a lot of good" - If you created something that took you hundreds of hours to achieve, you would flaunt it as well. The US is bad enough with it's 33%+ Obesity rate. Go check out the Dakka Obesity/Weight loss thread around here, some proud individuals for being fit and losing weight. I don't apologize for being one of the handful of physically fit wargamingers here that breaks the nerd fatman stereotype and your "4chan/redddit" level expectations. Again, as I've said - the point I was trying to make would have been x100 easier to make in person.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Im glad to see so many Dakkaites actually agree with my that bullying is bull. Y'know what happened when I fought the bully? I got detention and he got an apology from me(forced by teachers) for starting a fight.

I've had many detentions from simply responding to the bully - a kid harks me on something, I respond verbally - teacher gives me punishment because the teacher was blissfully unaware of what was occurring.

The problem isn't that you're fit, Auxellion. The problem is that your avatar is the stereotypical Jersey Shore d-bag "Super Manly Man FB Selfie" kind that makes people more likely to interpret what you're saying as pro-bullying, whether it actually is or not...

~Tim?

 Some_Call_Me_Tim? wrote:
The problem isn't that you're fit, Auxellion. The problem is that your avatar is the stereotypical Jersey Shore d-bag "Super Manly Man FB Selfie" kind that makes people more likely to interpret what you're saying as pro-bullying, whether it actually is or not...

~Tim?

I actually changed my avatar to this mid thread to come off as Barbarian as possible if you check the quotes of the original post


If I had an MLP avatar would the reaction be the same? Nope. I would be viewed as another side of the argument - but not as hotly contested on my point. I also made a rushed first post which I do apologize for and tried to argue.

We need more cyber-bullying awareness - in the wargaming community even more so to the young teens/store kids that populate our FLGS. This would be a prime idea for those youtube wargaming stars to take action about and make a few positive videos to shed some light on

People being jerks is a fact of life. I don't advocate it as a necessity for a healthy upbringing, but I imagine most of us stumble across it anyways.

The constant hounding that drives some kids to kill themselves is not something to be glossed over, and while this can represent many failings (parents, teachers, peers, countless others), does not remove or absolve the bullies from culpability for their actions.

Those who are bullied are the victims, and while it is commendable that some people grow in the face of that adversity, some do not, and the bullies are the ones toying with another person's life for their own sick thrills, or because it makes their balls/ovaries feel big, or whatever the cause.

Ignoring your avatar, the earlier 'PUA' style bull about 'refining a beta' or whatever was crass and offensively dismissive of an issue that, again, victims are choosing to kill themselves over rather than face for another day. You later walked that back to state that you condemn such coarse treatment, but adopting an intentional 'douchey' avatar and making some statement that were wholly lacking in empathy are (imo) likely why you've gotten a lot of pushback here.

Would it be different if you had a MLP avatar?

Not to me. Adopting that facade didn't help, but I find your statements (the earlier ones at least) reprehensible regardless of the 'face' you choose to show them with.

The inclusion of the MLP avatar would just make me believe that Bronies are inclusive dicks...

Of which they aren't, they tell me it's all about the friendship and tolerance, and pretty pastels ERRYWHERE!

 Forar wrote:
People being jerks is a fact of life. I don't advocate it as a necessity for a healthy upbringing, but I imagine most of us stumble across it anyways.

The constant hounding that drives some kids to kill themselves is not something to be glossed over, and while this can represent many failings (parents, teachers, peers, countless others), does not remove or absolve the bullies from culpability for their actions.

Those who are bullied are the victims, and while it is commendable that some people grow in the face of that adversity, some do not, and the bullies are the ones toying with another person's life for their own sick thrills, or because it makes their balls/ovaries feel big, or whatever the cause.

Ignoring your avatar, the earlier 'PUA' style bull about 'refining a beta' or whatever was crass and offensively dismissive of an issue that, again, victims are choosing to kill themselves over rather than face for another day. You later walked that back to state that you condemn such coarse treatment, but adopting an intentional 'douchey' avatar and making some statement that were wholly lacking in empathy are (imo) likely why you've gotten a lot of pushback here.

Would it be different if you had a MLP avatar?

Not to me. Adopting that facade didn't help, but I find your statements (the earlier ones at least) reprehensible regardless of the 'face' you choose to show them with.

PUA? I had to google that. Creepy set of people from what I'm reading. I have no idea what they have to do with this. I adopted a "Facade" aka a Photo of myself to rustle Dakka in an argument. You have a Gundun Wing Mechwarrior as an Avatar. It worked.


Unless your serving in the military/having your country bombed - Weak people commit suicide because a bully decided to make them have a bad day. Cyber bullying? An even weaker person. This is obviously important why we should help and spread awareness. Leaving this thread on a bad note, take it up in PMs/Skype @alfndrate

 Auxellion wrote:
Leaving this thread on a bad note, take it up in PMs/Skype @alfndrate

I refuse

As to Cyber Bullying, screenshot software is a great way to garner proof of someone bullying you. I have a few screen shots when things got heated with Dakka Mods in case I needed to back up evidence of something that was said to me and could have easily been edited/deleted.

Also calling someone that has been bullied a weak person and someone that has been cyber bullied a weaker person seems to be reflecting more of your character than someone might care to reveal on an anonymous internet forum.

The reason why cyber bulling is the issue that it is, is because Cyber bulling is 24/7. When I got called names at school for being overweight or for not shaving, or for the week where I was the smelly kid (damn you puberty!), I could go home, unwind, and mentally prepare myself for the fethwads I went to school with. I receive a lot of verbal bullying as a kid, now I tend to be sarcastic dick in real life because that was how I coped with the words that were being said to me and about me. If what I went through in middle school were happening today, I would have to endure people making pig calling sounds out of my last name, calling me fat, tubby, overweight, slow, have people knock books out of my hands, and taking unflattering photos of me on their camera phones and posting them around school via text, fb, and tweet (like a picture that exists of me curled around a toilet at a college party). I would have to deal with that from 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. Then I would have to go home and deal with the fact that people are continuing to do that sort of thing while I'm not near them.

Instead of just dealing with it during school it becomes a 24/7 hell that you rarely escape from if you don't learn how to cope. I coped because I had had friends that didn't go to my school so in the evenings and weekends I could hang out with them and unwind from the d-bags I went to school with. I became more social through boy scouts and acting and as I entered into high school. All of my bullying issues stopped once I went to public schooling because everyone was different enough that the only people that were jerks were some of the athletes, and even then most of them were okay dudes once you got them away from the jocks.

I'd fething hate do go through the limited bullying I went through in today's world. Kill myself? Probably not, but I'd probably be a lot more violent.

 Auxellion wrote:
PUA? I had to google that. Creepy set of people from what I'm reading. I have no idea what they have to do with this. I adopted a "Facade" aka a Photo of myself to rustle Dakka in an argument. You have a Gundun Wing Mechwarrior as an Avatar. It worked.

Ah, so you were trolling.

Also, I noted that your choice of avatar didn't bother me in the least. Your lack of empathy caught my eye, and apparently it wasn't even something you believe, so statements made in bad faith.

So we've established that you were trolling and intentionally misrepresenting yourself for attention.

Tell me more about how bullying helped make you the man you are today. :-D

Unless your serving in the military/having your country bombed - Weak people commit suicide because a bully decided to make them have a bad day. Cyber bullying? An even weaker person. This is obviously important why we should help and spread awareness. Leaving this thread on a bad note, take it up in PMs/Skype @alfndrate

Also, apparently I called it on being a reprehensible person.

Good to see we're clear on the matter.

The more Aux posts in this thread, the more I'm thinking he was less 'bullied' and more 'a bully' trying to justify his actions in the past.

Edit for accuracy and reduced snark.

 Auxellion wrote:



"Rate Me" "4chan" "I'm sure bullying did him a lot of good" - If you created something that took you hundreds of hours to achieve, you would flaunt it as well. The US is bad enough with it's 33%+ Obesity rate. Go check out the Dakka Obesity/Weight loss thread around here, some proud individuals for being fit and losing weight. I don't apologize for being one of the handful of physically fit wargamingers here that breaks the nerd fatman stereotype and your "4chan/redddit" level expectations. Again, as I've said - the point I was trying to make would have been x100 easier to make in person.

And by trying to break one stereotype you became another. The guy who thinks thats EVERYone should be just as fit as him and that can fight his way out of things.

Douche avatar to match douche attitudes that revolve around 'betas' and 'weak individuals'. Forar is right, he sounds less the bullied and more the egotistical bully, who needs to flash his muscles as soon as provoked. Fortunately I don't need to meet 'in person' to make my points clear.

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
Douche avatar to match douche attitudes that revolve around 'betas' and 'weak individuals'. Forar is right, he sounds less the bullied and more the egotistical bully, who needs to flash his muscles as soon as provoked. Fortunately I don't need to meet 'in person' to make my points clear.

You read things other than his first post, correct? He explains himself pretty well.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Also just because you disagree with his opinion doesn't mean you can call him a douche. That's a bit like bullying, no?

 Gentleman_Jellyfish wrote:
[Also just because you disagree with his opinion doesn't mean you can call him a douche. That's a bit like bullying, no?

The rank hypocrisy in these threads is what makes me read them.

As soon as there's blood in the water people can't wait to get a piece! Not to say the "victim" in this case isn't provoking them, but since we're all about blaming the victim I'm sure he understands.

 Gentleman_Jellyfish wrote:

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
Douche avatar to match douche attitudes that revolve around 'betas' and 'weak individuals'. Forar is right, he sounds less the bullied and more the egotistical bully, who needs to flash his muscles as soon as provoked. Fortunately I don't need to meet 'in person' to make my points clear.

You read things other than his first post, correct? He explains himself pretty well.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Also just because you disagree with his opinion doesn't mean you can call him a douche. That's a bit like bullying, no?

Is it bullying if it's a single comment? I was led to believe that bullying is the constant and unrelenting comments and actions against a person.

There is the point the OP is making that facing that adversity made him stronger, good for him.

Even better if it was not at the expense of others.

I know from personal experience a victim or weak person can be made.

Taking positive steps as the OP was alluding to, can make a strong person as well, also something from personal experience.

The trick is to find the "breathing space" to get your head in order. Bullies want you to feel helpless and hopeless, they pound that into you any chance they get.

I find it so funny the "alpha" and "beta" language is used:

Some people desperately want to lead, to get people to do things for them: does that not make them dependent? A need to control others because they are nothing without their pawns.

What if you do not "need" anyone, To be happy to do what you want and learn what you need and would be more than happy to tell them to take a hike? That is the best out for those who have had their relationships abused.

I can see the need for things like the women's shelters, that time to think and get the information you need to get control in your life. Too bad there are none (I know of) for men or children to take a breather and come up with a plan to control your life.

 Frazzled wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Im glad to see so many Dakkaites actually agree with my that bullying is bull. Y'know what happened when I fought the bully? I got detention and he got an apology from me(forced by teachers) for starting a fight.

you don't fight a bully. you ambush him outside of school.
or tell your teacher you heard he was planning something at school...

This one. In this day and age, I'd imagine all you would need to do is indicate to the nearest teacher or police officer that Johnny Bully was making gang signs or perhaps holding his hand like a gun, menacingly pointing it at people as if marking them out of a crowd.

No hands get dirty, and what gets done to him is far more than anything you could ever possibly do to him.

 Monster Rain wrote:
The rank hypocrisy in these threads is what makes me read them.

As soon as there's blood in the water people can't wait to get a piece! Not to say the "victim" in this case isn't provoking them, but since we're all about blaming the victim I'm sure he understands.

Telling someone that they are being heartless, crass and ignorant is not "hypocrisy" when that person is showing a truly remarkable lack of empathy and disregard for innocent victims.

The amazing part is how said poster takes pride in not fitting into a 'gaming nerd stereotype' (being overweight) while simply drowning in another (being particularly self centered and unable to empathize with the plight of others).

When kids are killing themselves over harassment, 'suck it up' is not helpful advice.

And yet you can tell someone those things without lowering yourself to the level of whatever idiot you are educating, generally speaking.

Lack of empathy is the first and major sign of narcissism.
That is a type of person where their entire method is victimization.
I save my antisocial tendencies for these folk.

Suicide is to feel so much emotional pain that living is hard and then when there is no end in sight you are left with despair.

I like to address root cause, there is some miserable person coordinating this aggression to the victim.

"Insecure" kids trying to look big at the expense of others can be dealt with reasonably. I gave a few choice "comebacks" to my kids and he left them alone well enough (I wish it was always that easy).

An honest to goodness narcissist requires a whole different intervention. You either remove yourself as a source of narcissistic supply: ignore them, or just be unavailable. They are pretty persistent though. The only other method then is to be more scary than them. Hard to do and still be an ethical person. Sometimes takes the parent as advocate to campaign for a fix.

 Forar wrote:
The amazing part is how said poster takes pride in not fitting into a 'gaming nerd stereotype' (being overweight) while simply drowning in another (being particularly self centered and unable to empathize with the plight of others).

To be fair, I've always thought of the latter as an 'typical American' stereotype, not a 'gaming nerd stereotype'.

When kids are killing themselves over harassment, 'suck it up' is not helpful advice.

I think that it takes more than just bullying alone to drive someone to the point of killing themselves, though I say that as someone who was to the point of killing himself, but not because of bullying.

Totally could see it being a catalyst, but my point is that getting rid of the bullying still leaves someone capable of killing themselves semi-stably waiting for the next crappy event to come along. The huge anti-bullying movement is treating a trigger for a disease, rather than treating the disease itself.

Giving people, kids in particular, the emotional and intellectual resources to lead happy and productive lives is something that we're working on as a society, if not a species.

Bullies harassing people past the breaking point is something that isn't easily dealt with either, but until we understand the scope of the root problems in general (which will likely require advances in science and medicine beyond our imagining), dealing with bullying and harassment may have to act as a stop gap measure.

I'm not sure I agree with calling "being willing and able to end ones suffering" a disease, but my understanding of psychiatric medicine isn't strong enough to debate directly.

I will say, however, that given that it is a time sensitive issue (as in, people are likely contemplating killing themselves over the matter this very minute, somewhere in the world), attending to the triggers may have to suffice while we make those greater advances. It's less important that we haven't unlocked the mysteries of the mind, and more that we want little Billy and Jane to put down the razor blades/bottles/firearms.

Things like the It Gets Better project are helpful, not just for the LGBT community, but society as a whole. It DOES get better, for the vast majority of us at least (though we can omit that last part, it's not very uplifting, even if it's true).