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 Glaiceana wrote:
But what you should be doing is whatever you enjoy, just have fun on your own terms, and you will honestly meet someone by accident, which is the best way.

That is like planing to get rich by expecting to find a winning lottery ticket on the floor. I did it for the last 27 years, and I neither got a girlfriend nor got rich.

My whole point though was that people seem to make it more complicated than it needs to be. Its not a technical thing.

"I think we should go back to one of the main problems with this. Its when you go out expecting for something to happen, expecting for a date and constantly waiting for a chance to ask a girl for her number. But what you should be doing is whatever you enjoy, just have fun on your own terms, and you will honestly meet someone by accident, which is the best way.

By constantly thinking about one girl that you barely know or just thinking about who to ask out all the time, you're taking all of the casual and naturalness out of situations.

Therefore, its best to just be patient, and wait for when someone comes along. Of course there will be times where you have to make a move for yourself, but just remember to keep calm and stop overcomplicating the "how to get a date" process "

What I'm saying here is that you should take it easy, and don't put so much pressure on yourself all the time to find a girl.

I of course don't mean sit there and do nothing and expect the lottery...

Change requires action.
In order to find love you must be actively seeking it. Very rarely will it just fall into your lap.

chaos0xomega wrote:

dereksatkinson wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Um, did everyone miss the part where I said I'm in a relationship with a girl I met on tinder? People are individuals. Not everyone using that app is looking for random hook-ups..

Oh? how many guys have you met off there?

It's for hooking up, not making friends.

You can eat icecream with a knife but don't say no one told you not to when you cut yourself.

And other times you give really gakky advice like in this post.

I particularly enjoyed the insinuation that I was homosexual. I'm English. There's a difference. Want to know what the difference is, derek?



Ask your girl. Or your sister.

 Glaiceana wrote:
What I'm saying here is that you should take it easy, and don't put so much pressure on yourself all the time to find a girl.

I think if we do not pressure ourselves, it is not going to happen. I am not sure if putting pressure will increase our chances, though .

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Glaiceana wrote:
What I'm saying here is that you should take it easy, and don't put so much pressure on yourself all the time to find a girl.

I think if we do not pressure ourselves, it is not going to happen. I am not sure if putting pressure will increase our chances, though .

you know, for a guy who admits he isnt very good at this, you seem to have a bit of a "know it all" attitude towards the subject. Not trying to be mean or anything, its just how you are coming off.

Do yourself a favour, keep your eyes open, smile at every girl you find atractive, and make it a rule to talk to each one who smiles back.

Before long at least one will have a conversation with you that results in more talking, and perhaps a date.

The solves the "meeting girls problem"... its still very much a lottery for meeting "THE RIGHT" girl though... Even with myself having plenty of dates since grade 7 onwards, I still dont know if I have met "THE ONE" yet, despite a plethora of intellegent, attractive women.

 easysauce wrote:
you know, for a guy who admits he isnt very good at this, you seem to have a bit of a "know it all" attitude towards the subject. Not trying to be mean or anything, its just how you are coming off.

What are you talking about? I am an expert at not getting girls !

Sorry, just kidding. I just know that if I do not put pressure on myself, I am likely not even going to talk to people. Maybe I should not have used the plural here though.

 easysauce wrote:
Do yourself a favour, keep your eyes open, smile at every girl you find atractive, and make it a rule to talk to each one who smiles back.

See, that means putting a lot of pressure on myself. A whole freaking lot. That is what I meant. I do not start conversations with stranger easily.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 easysauce wrote:
you know, for a guy who admits he isnt very good at this, you seem to have a bit of a "know it all" attitude towards the subject. Not trying to be mean or anything, its just how you are coming off.

What are you talking about? I am an expert at not getting girls !

Sorry, just kidding. I just know that if I do not put pressure on myself, I am likely not even going to talk to people. Maybe I should not have used the plural here though.

 easysauce wrote:
Do yourself a favour, keep your eyes open, smile at every girl you find atractive, and make it a rule to talk to each one who smiles back.

See, that means putting a lot of pressure on myself. A whole freaking lot. That is what I meant. I do not start conversations with stranger easily.

its only pressure if you think it is, talking to strangers is hard if you think it is, and easy if you think its easy.

Weather you think you will fail, or think your will succeed, you are right!

either way, the first few times you will be forcing it a bit, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. SO just strike up conversations with less intimidating women at first, either ones who dont make your head go funny with their sheer hotness, or easily talkable girls like your server, hairdresser, or whatever. dont make the goal to get a date, just make it to have a nice conversation, even if its breif.

So update, that chick added me on facebook yesterday (after not speaking to her since last Thursday), which had me like but then later I logged into facebook and the top of my newsfeed was that she had updated her status to 'in a relationship' so I was like

Oh well, que sera, sera

chaos0xomega wrote:
So update, that chick added me on facebook yesterday (after not speaking to her since last Thursday), which had me like but then later I logged into facebook and the top of my newsfeed was that she had updated her status to 'in a relationship' so I was like

Well, if you get a friend out of it, it is not so bad. Especially since a possibly crazy friend would be rather easier to deal with than a possibly crazy girlfriend .


It has been about two month since I went climbing with that girl (she was on holiday in a bunch of different places, and then too busy, and then in London, and then some cousin visited, and then it was my turn not to be available…). We will climb this Saturday, and then she is leaving for Spain on Sunday for a month. So, not much practicing climbing . It is too bad, she was pretty good at it.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
So update, that chick added me on facebook yesterday (after not speaking to her since last Thursday), which had me like but then later I logged into facebook and the top of my newsfeed was that she had updated her status to 'in a relationship' so I was like

Well, if you get a friend out of it, it is not so bad. Especially since a possibly crazy friend would be rather easier to deal with than a possibly crazy girlfriend .

As if I didn't already have enough of those... ;P

It has been about two month since I went climbing with that girl (she was on holiday in a bunch of different places, and then too busy, and then in London, and then some cousin visited, and then it was my turn not to be available…). We will climb this Saturday, and then she is leaving for Spain on Sunday for a month. So, not much practicing climbing . It is too bad, she was pretty good at it.

Did she ask to go climbing again or did you?

chaos0xomega wrote:
As if I didn't already have enough of those... ;P

NEVER ENOUGH!

chaos0xomega wrote:
Did she ask to go climbing again or did you?

Well, I did the first couples of time, until I pretty much gave up. Then she did for last week, and that was when I was not available. I did for this week though.

Well, thats a plus (that she asked) means its not an entirely one-sided affair, means she might be interested in something (though she might also only see you as a friend).

Yeah, I know. I am pretty sure I am not at the top of her priority list, though .

Stop bein a downer! lol

Well, when she said that she could not go climbing because she had to finish her work this weekend before going to London next week-end, while :
- she insisted the first time we met how she had few work to do here and it felt like holidays all the time, and
- there were two non-working Thursday (which, in France, usually means not working on Friday either ) before said departure
it got me thinking I was not high on her priority list. I would love to be wrong though.

Maybe I am just being too pessimistic.

Yes, you are, stop doing that. You might not be the top of the priority list, but you shouldn't be anyway at this point.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
It has been about two month since I went climbing with that girl (she was on holiday in a bunch of different places, and then too busy, and then in London, and then some cousin visited, and then it was my turn not to be available…). We will climb this Saturday, and then she is leaving for Spain on Sunday for a month. So, not much practicing climbing . It is too bad, she was pretty good at it.

So, I now literally owe my life to this girl.
I was trying to get the rope through the second anchor, and I fell. I flipped, and my head was pretty damn close to the ground, but she held my just above it! Pretty damn scary stuff, but thankfully I only scratched my pinkie, which is pretty miraculous.
I also asked her if she had a boyfriend, to which she answered “No, why”. I answered “Because (you shouldn't have trouble finding one since) you are good at sport, and at art, and cultured (that one actually took me something like 3 seconds because what first came to my mind was “cultivated”, but I knew that this was not the proper English word ) and nice and beautiful”. I am not sure anymore if I said the part in parenthesis and italics because I went a bit confused at that time, but I think I meant to say it. She answered that she was just there for one more month, which may have been just a way to say it nicely, but it is still a good argument. She also asked me how old I am, and well, she is only 21, I did not realized we had a 6 years age gap. After that, we kind of switched subject. I am still quite a bit confused. I am not sure why I am talking about all this personal stuff online either, especially with a username that quite a bunch of my IRL relations know .
Also, did I mention I owe her my life.

I have never been in love with anyone. /foreveralone

If you do not miss it, then it is all fine. If you do miss it, sorry for you, I empathize.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
She also asked me how old I am, and well, she is only 21, I did not realized we had a 6 years age gap. After that, we kind of switched subject.

For what it's worth, I'm told a good rule of thumb for 'appropriateness' is half your age, plus 7. So there's no real need for either of you to feel too awkward.

She mentioned the age difference. That is a strong enough indication that she felt it was awkward, which is in turn a strong enough reason for me to feel awkward.

The Wife is more then 5 years older then I am. Good friends of ours have a larger gap (by two years I think) with the woman being the younger. We’ll both be celebrating our 14th anniversaries next month.

Age is not the end of the world.

Again, age is not the point. How she felt about it is the point. And as she mentioned, she will only stay in France for one more month anyway.

 Nevelon wrote:
Age is not the end of the world.

It sort of is though, isn't it? Age is the end of most things.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Again, age is not the point. How she felt about it is the point. And as she mentioned, she will only stay in France for one more month anyway.

Just because she is leaving town, doesn't mean you can't go out and have fun. I think you need to have some no pressure non-long term relationship type of deals. Based on how you immediately complimented her like that, you showed you are kind of green when it comes to dating. You don't need to kiss someone's butt because they are pretty. Do you tell your male friends "you are handsome and smart". You need to think rationally about how saying things like that might not be getting the response you might want. 9/10 times a woman gets a compliment, she doesn't think it's sincere. I think you could use some help scripting out some sort of plan of approach when you are talking to women.

What was the point of asking if she had a boyfriend? IMO, it's best not to ask and just feel your way through a conversation and listen to what clues she gives you. After you've had a good conversation with a woman and you get the feeling she is interested, you need to just transition to asking her out. Say something like.. "look.. it was nice talking to you but i'm going to have to run. you should give me your number and maybe we can pickup this conversation again over a cup of coffee." Use your own words but do NOT start kissing ass or begging. It needs to be an introduction to continue the conversation and get to know more about them. If she tells you she has a boyfriend at that point, it's over. Make a joke, be nice and move on. If you want to keep in touch with this girl anyways, you can push for the number, tell her you weren't picking her up etc.

Point is.. have a plan to progress the conversation. Have a goal and know the steps. When you mess up, have a plan to not make the same mistake next time. This is a skill you are developing.

dereksatkinson wrote:
Do you tell your male friends "you are handsome and smart".

Yes, but I do not date them either. Point taken, though.

dereksatkinson wrote:
After you've had a good conversation with a woman and you get the feeling she is interested, you need to just transition to asking her out. Say something like.. "look.. it was nice talking to you but i'm going to have to run. you should give me your number and maybe we can pickup this conversation again over a cup of coffee."

You know that I already had her number, and her e-mail address, and that we already had first a brunch together and then another previous session of climbing? She was leaving for about one month the day after (so, today), but we already had plans to see each other after that. Which still holds, by the way.

 Ashiraya wrote:
I have never been in love with anyone. /foreveralone

I still date girls and I've never felt such a thing as that.

But poppa G, did you not get a girlfriend on this very thread ? The pale goth chick with long black hair ?

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
If you do not miss it, then it is all fine. If you do miss it, sorry for you, I empathize.

I do not know how it is to love since I never have done so.

I mean, I know the description but I haven't felt it. I guess I quite literally do not know what I am missing out on?