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Also Lol at two hours being long distance.

KM, I am currently hunched over my desk pinching my nose and covering my mouth with one hand so as to not die laughing and call attention to myself from the rest of the office, well played....

and yeah, 2 hours is a good bit more durable than previous long distance relationships ive been involved in(which were 3-4 hours).

chaos0xomega wrote:
although she seems like she might actually be crazy lol

That is actually good, is it not?

I'm on the fence about it... I mean, my ideal woman IS Harley Quinn, but I've dated enough women that could be and/or are diagnosable with some mental condition or another to know that it typically doesn't end well for me....

There is a certain type of crazy (lets call it 'eccentricity') that I appreciate, desire, and enjoy, but then theres just 'crazy' (as in, possibly hazardous to your health type crazy, like, KM's ex-wife who tried to kill him kind of crazy), and the two are often hard to separate and categorize because on the surface they are often very similar, its once you get to know them that the differences become apparent. I enjoy stability... and I've dated way too many unstable people for my own liking.

Personally, I think you have to figure out what the hell you really want.

On one hand you seem to want a stable relationship. On the other you get attracted to particular looks/appearances, crazy chicks and these long shots/unattainable women that realistically aren't going to work out for you.

You're a young guy...it's okay not to have everything figured out yet. Most guys have probably been through that in some way or another. But then accept that, go have fun with those crazy chicks, and don't get too fixated. OR, if you decide that the time is right for something more stable, then pursue less crazy females with whom that's a realistic possibility. I'm presenting this in an overly binary/either-or kind of way, but overall it just doesn't seem like your desires and actions are in any kind of alignment.

This is part of what guys have said here about getting yourself right. People can give you the best advice in the world, but you're going to have some struggles if you want one thing but pursue another.

I see it differently, I want one thing, and am pursuing one thing, its just that the one thing I want/am pursuing is seemingly rare and not easy to 'confirm' until you've had a chance to explore it for long enough so that you could make the determination one way or another as to whether or not it is in fact that one thing, or if its simply something else masquerading as that one thing... if that makes sense.

The two qualities that you listed (looks and stability) are not by any means mutually exclusive.

No, it really doesn't make any sense to me.

Let's look at the current situation. You claim you want a relationship, so you're fixating a bit on some girl who might be crazy, probably has a boyfriend and lives in another city. And that's because she fits your desired look, never mind that you barely even talked to her. This adds up to relationship material to you?

When you say 'relationship', do you really mean 'feth buddy' or something?

Lets break this down.

You claim you want a relationship

Yes, this is correct.

so you're fixating a bit on some girl

I'm talking to another girl simultaneously (which right now doesn't seem to be going anywhere except in circles), didn't realize I was fixating... news to me.

who might be crazy

This might be accurate, or I might still be feeling the burn of the last two girls who I dated who WERE crazy and have given me rather severe trust issues... but you know, I could always just assume that EVERY girl I meet is crazy and remain single for the rest of my life.

probably has a boyfriend

Theres only one way to find out for sure and it *isn't* by just sitting around waiting for something magical to happen.

and lives in another city

LOL, for real dude? I didn't realize that was a barrier to dating, in that case I probably will remain single forever, considering that I spend very little time in the 'city' that I live in aside from the roughly 6 hours of sleep I get every night. On top of that, the 'city' I live in has a meager population of 20,000 people, only about 10% of which are within my age rage, and whom, for the most part, also spend little to no time in due to the lack of any place to socialize, etc.

And that's because she fits your desired look

Actually not really. I mean she's a redhead (though I dont think its natural) which is always a plus for me, but otherwise she doesn't seem to have anything in the way of piercings or tattoos that I could see, and while she is physically fit and has a nice body, etc. she doesn't really have any of them curves that I love so much... what she does have though (physically speaking) is a pretty face and some amazingly beautiful eyes.

never mind that you barely even talked to her.

What little I have learned of her in the brief conversations we've had tell me that she's pretty cool (and again, potentially crazy), but again, I have to say "LOL" because if barely having spoken to someone is a disqualifier to dating, then well I guess I'm never going to date anyone considering I've never spoken to 99% of the people on this planet.

This adds up to relationship material to you?

No. What it does add up to is another person worth getting to know so I can make that determination at a later date. Is that such a hard concept for you to wrap your mind around?

When you say 'relationship', do you really mean 'feth buddy' or something?

-___-

 gorgon wrote:
No, it really doesn't make any sense to me.

Let's look at the current situation. You claim you want a relationship, so you're fixating a bit on some girl who might be crazy, probably has a boyfriend and lives in another city. And that's because she fits your desired look, never mind that you barely even talked to her. This adds up to relationship material to you?

When you say 'relationship', do you really mean 'feth buddy' or something?

She said hi to him and they had some small talk.. when is he going to go to Jarred?

Y'all really need to figure out what advice it is you're giving. You're telling me to talk to people, etc. and then when I DO actually talk to them you tell me not to??

Living in another city is most certainly a barrier to dating. It actually indicates you don't want someone close.

Dude.. you are also using tinder to supposedly find a girl you want a relationship with? Tinder is for casual sex, not women looking for a relationship.

If you want to have an athletic girl. go to a yoga class or a gym.

If you want a girl who likes to dance, take dance classes.

If you want a girl who likes to meet stranger online and feth them. Use tinder.

Not ever woman out there is mentally stable. Even the mentally stable ones have their moments. I highly recommend finding someone who has their gak together.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:


Also Lol at two hours being long distance.

I'm laughing my ass off over this.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Y'all really need to figure out what advice it is you're giving. You're telling me to talk to people, etc. and then when I DO actually talk to them you tell me not to??

dude.. definitely talk and be friends with lots of different women. Just don't put her up on a pedestal and try and have a relationship with her after a single encounter. Don't start a long distance relationship or even think about it at this point. Even if she is a cool girl, there is practically zero chance anything comes of this.

I don't know how old you are but I think the #1 thing you need right now is experience. Have fun and do not get tied down. Avoid getting tied down unless the girl has actually shown she is worth it. Giving you attention shouldn't be the measuring stick.

The only part of that post that I agree with is the 'highly recommend finding someone who has their gak together'.

Where do you live exactly? My guess is probably somewhere like NYC, LA, or another large metro area teaming with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, and your means of transportation outside of said city are costly and time consuming. For a large part of the country, New Jersey included, dating someone who lives in another city (you keep using that term, you know people live in places OTHER THAN CITIES, right?) is actually the norm.

And while Tinder is commonly used for hookups, I know at least 2 couples that resulted from Tinder... granted I know about 5 people who just use it for casual sex, but you're making some pretty sweeping stereotypes there.

dude.. definitely talk and be friends with lots of different women. Just don't put her up on a pedestal and try and have a relationship with her after a single encounter. Don't start a long distance relationship or even think about it at this point. Even if she is a cool girl, there is practically zero chance anything comes of this.

I don't know how old you are but I think the #1 thing you need right now is experience. Have fun and do not get tied down. Avoid getting tied down unless the girl has actually shown she is worth it. Giving you attention shouldn't be the measuring stick.

Oh hallelujah, you finally made a post that I could actually agree with.

Something I learned over the years which I wish I would have known much, much earlier:

If you are on friendly terms with a single girl, and you ask her out for a date, 8 times out of 10, she will say yes. Of the 2 remaining, 1 will let you down nicely, and the other will be mean about it.

Huh... I was about to say, well thats handy... except then I realized I dont actually know any single women ><

I know one… but she does not live in the same town as I do .

Then it appears, sadly, you will never be together.

Um, did everyone miss the part where I said I'm in a relationship with a girl I met on tinder? People are individuals. Not everyone using that app is looking for random hook-ups..

Nope, you're wrong, and if she lives in a different city, then you're doubly wrong

 Albatross wrote:
Um, did everyone miss the part where I said I'm in a relationship with a girl I met on tinder? People are individuals. Not everyone using that app is looking for random hook-ups..

Oh? how many guys have you met off there?

It's for hooking up, not making friends.

You can eat icecream with a knife but don't say no one told you not to when you cut yourself.

Here is something I was thinking about. The "Already have a boyfriend" line.

Doesn't it make sense that many people who are people you want ot date other people will also want to date? Shouldn't they already have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Well, then what do you do?

 Easy E wrote:
Here is something I was thinking about. The "Already have a boyfriend" line.

Doesn't it make sense that many people who are people you want ot date other people will also want to date? Shouldn't they already have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Well, then what do you do?

Take it one step at a time. Meet someone and take them out for coffee (yes i do mean a casual non-meal) you are trying to get to know them. At that point you are interviewing that person. If there are certain things that are non-negotiable, probably best to figure out where they stand on those matters. Not petty stuff.. I'd avoid the marriage/children talk but things like drug use and basic beliefs need to be discovered. Goals in life etc. If she brings up kids and you don't want them, say so. Try not to make it seem like and interview but ultimately that should be the goal. Steer the conversation so it stays fun and not too serious.

If you go out on a couple dates and things are clicking, you might start talking about exclusivity. For me.. I was willing to mess around go to third while dating. Once we got to the point where we could potentially risk pregnancy, I made sure we were in a committed relationship. We spoke about birth control and I flat out said that I wouldn't risk it unless I knew I was the only guy. Never once did that fail.

The main thing is you don't need to be thinking about "the other guy" and focus on you and her.

dereksatkinson wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Here is something I was thinking about. The "Already have a boyfriend" line.

Doesn't it make sense that many people who are people you want ot date other people will also want to date? Shouldn't they already have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Well, then what do you do?

Take it one step at a time. Meet someone and take them out for coffee (yes i do mean a casual non-meal) you are trying to get to know them. At that point you are interviewing that person. If there are certain things that are non-negotiable, probably best to figure out where they stand on those matters. Not petty stuff.. I'd avoid the marriage/children talk but things like drug use and basic beliefs need to be discovered. Goals in life etc. If she brings up kids and you don't want them, say so. Try not to make it seem like and interview but ultimately that should be the goal. Steer the conversation so it stays fun and not too serious.

If you go out on a couple dates and things are clicking, you might start talking about exclusivity. For me.. I was willing to mess around go to third while dating. Once we got to the point where we could potentially risk pregnancy, I made sure we were in a committed relationship. We spoke about birth control and I flat out said that I wouldn't risk it unless I knew I was the only guy. Never once did that fail.

The main thing is you don't need to be thinking about "the other guy" and focus on you and her.

See sometimes you give this really great valid advice, like in this post!

dereksatkinson wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Um, did everyone miss the part where I said I'm in a relationship with a girl I met on tinder? People are individuals. Not everyone using that app is looking for random hook-ups..

Oh? how many guys have you met off there?

It's for hooking up, not making friends.

You can eat icecream with a knife but don't say no one told you not to when you cut yourself.

And other times you give really gakky advice like in this post.

dereksatkinson wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Um, did everyone miss the part where I said I'm in a relationship with a girl I met on tinder? People are individuals. Not everyone using that app is looking for random hook-ups..

It's for hooking up, not making friends.

Except it isn't, plenty of people use it for just chatting with others.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Then it appears, sadly, you will never be together.

Likely. Not necessarily for that reason, though.

womp womp :C That made me feel bad

Why?

I think we should go back to one of the main problems with this. Its when you go out expecting for something to happen, expecting for a date and constantly waiting for a chance to ask a girl for her number. But what you should be doing is whatever you enjoy, just have fun on your own terms, and you will honestly meet someone by accident, which is the best way.

By constantly thinking about one girl that you barely know or just thinking about who to ask out all the time, you're taking all of the casual and naturalness out of situations.

Therefore, its best to just be patient, and wait for when someone comes along. Of course there will be times where you have to make a move for yourself, but just remember to keep calm and stop overcomplicating the "how to get a date" process

I am wondering, is using that tinder worth all the shenanigans?