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Aw. Though I normally bait-post, in this thread I've been serious in most of my posts. My last post being one of those serious ones.
Anyways, the reason I don't want to just 'hook-up' with this girl is because I find that emotionless sex isn't as good as when it's done with someone you actually care about, you know?
Agreed, any time I try sex for just fun, I find it most unfun. STill probably better than a girllfriend of 3 months who won't give you sex. That's supposed to happen after 10 years not three months. PoppaG did you defer your honeymoon period?
Manchu - "But so what? The Bible also says the flood destroyed the world. You only need an allegorical boat to tackle an allegorical flood."
Shespits "Anything i see with YOLO has half naked eleventeen year olds Girls. And of course booze and drugs and more half naked elventeen yearolds Girls. O how i wish to YOLO again!"
Rubiksnoob "Next you'll say driving a stick with a Scandinavian supermodel on your lap while ripping a bong impairs your driving. And you know what, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, YOU FILTHY COMMUNIST"
There have been no new Tinder matches in nearly a month, and the only other option I have left is to leave the house and socialise; something which I can happily say will not be happening any time soon.
The aim of this 'dating' thing is to stay alone for as long as possible, right?
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/27 01:38:31
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
Oh my buddha have I've been asked this so many times. Now keep in mind I'm not a expert on this or anything, but if you want my advice listen to this padawans. If you feel like you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy, then rethink yourself.Learn to love yourself before you love another. Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school. Eventually you will find someone who shares the same dreams and goals as you and everything will happen naturally. To see how successful this advice is, look at my post on the "Show yourself" thread. I've been very happy for 7 years with the same girl
Why should I care if you or a couple other people don't believe me? Seriously, what would I gain from lying? If I wanted to string around lies wouldn't I want to aim higher than "Yeah, ONE girl wants me, wow, am I cool yet!!??XDDxxx"
Shut up and keep your speculations to yourself.
Why should I care if you or a couple other people don't believe me? Seriously, what would I gain from lying? If I wanted to string around lies wouldn't I want to aim higher than "Yeah, ONE girl wants me, wow, am I cool yet!!??XDDxxx"
Shut up and keep your speculations to yourself.
Oh snap.
motyak wrote:[...] Yes, the mods are illuminati, and yakface, lego and dakka dakka itself are the 3 points of the triangle.
poppa G wrote: Aw guys, time to step up!
But really though, My love life is such a mess right now. This girl is on me 24/7. But my girlfriend literally wants nothing sexual, ever.
So i don't know what to do. Because of the gf I care nothing for emotional. And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual. But this girl...is much hotter than my gf and puts out like crazy,
Just to check out I understand the English right (yeah, foreign language and all that). There is your girlfriend and the other girl. You have feelings for your girlfriend, and you do not, and are not interested in getting, feelings for the other girl. However, your girlfriend does not want anything sexual, while the other girl do, and has a more attractive body than your girlfriend. I am not sure what you meant by “And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual.” Was that referring to pushing your girlfriend, or having sex with the other girl? If you are not interested in having sex with the other girl, I do not really understand what your problem is.
There have been no new Tinder matches in nearly a month, and the only other option I have left is to leave the house and socialise; something which I can happily say will not be happening any time soon.
The aim of this 'dating' thing is to stay alone for as long as possible, right?
Not sure at what is antiphrasis and what is serious.
coolbrobunny wrote: Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school.
The thing is that I basically have finished school (I am still nominally a student, but I have given many courses in the last 3 years, while taking next to none, I have a contract with a salary and pay taxes and everything. My job is actually much more that of a junior researcher than of a student), I have seen quite a few places in the world (France obviously, Switzerland, Italy, UK, Germany, Denmark, Greece, Ukraine, the U.S.A., Canada, Iran, the Himalayan part of India, South Korea,…). So, I have already done that. And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Tied to a bedpost in an old motel, confused and naked.
Hm, I can see how I worded that badly to create confusion.
I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
So basically I want something sexual but my girlfriend does not and another girl is willing to give it. The other girl wants no emotional just physical.
It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
The thing is that I basically have finished school (I am still nominally a student, but I have given many courses in the last 3 years, while taking next to none, I have a contract with a salary and pay taxes and everything. My job is actually much more that of a junior researcher than of a student), I have seen quite a few places in the world (France obviously, Switzerland, Italy, UK, Germany, Denmark, Greece, Ukraine, the U.S.A., Canada, Iran, the Himalayan part of India, South Korea,…). So, I have already done that. And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Don't feel your not normal. You are Obviously a well accomplished individual. May I also suggest going to social interactions and learning about people as well as yourself? Feel confident but don't be pride full. Who knows, you may know someone who's a good match for you, you just need Initiative to start something. I'm sorry if my advice is not helping, but its easier said then done and easier talking about these things in a more personal face to face setting then this way.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/27 18:26:42
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
coolbrobunny wrote: I'm sorry if my advice is not helping, but its easier said then done and easier talking about these things in a more personal face to face setting then this way.
Yes, it is true. But it is way easier for me to talk about this kind of thing with random strangers on the internet through the relative anonymity of a username than to talk about it with my friends and family .
Automatically Appended Next Post:
kronk wrote: It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
Would it not be better to actually talk about it, as Peregrine suggest? Avoid any kind of misunderstanding, set everything clear, and decide together what to do next.7
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/27 23:03:37
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Not sure at what is antiphrasis and what is serious.
All of it was deadly serious. I could not have been more serious about it. This stuff isn't a joke.
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
Stop it. Now. And just say what you mean to say, not the opposite.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
poppa G wrote: Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you said "hey, I'd like to have a serious discussion: I feel that we don't have a very good match in sex drive and this is becoming a problem for me, what do you think about this?" and made it clear that this is an issue to be fixed, or have you just responded to a turning down by saying "but why not? Oh, ok, maybe next time"? Because it sounds like you're just doing the second one, when you really need to be doing the first one.
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
poppa G wrote: Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you said "hey, I'd like to have a serious discussion: I feel that we don't have a very good match in sex drive and this is becoming a problem for me, what do you think about this?" and made it clear that this is an issue to be fixed, or have you just responded to a turning down by saying "but why not? Oh, ok, maybe next time"? Because it sounds like you're just doing the second one, when you really need to be doing the first one.
I will admit I have done the second option a couple times but lately I have been trying to have a serious conversation about it, close to what you said and she still won't bite, but one time she like flipped out about it and turned it into a crude conversation and made it sound like I wanted to take advantage of her.. Keep in mind she is a woman(older than the age of 18) and older than me. lol I think she's just immature at this point.
haha I have made up my mind, So, Dakka-How do I break up with her?
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Ashiraya wrote: As I commonly do, I find myself agreeing with Peregrine. Sometimes, you need to be concise.
If that's your Belf, get better PvP gear.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/28 06:32:23
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: ...And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Yeah, that sounds pretty demoralising mate, but there's nothing 'wrong' with you at all, trust me. My current girlfriend hadn't been on a date in 3 years before we got together and had only ever had one boyfriend before me. She's 32. There's nothing wrong with her, life's just like that sometimes. My personal belief if is that several factors conspired to mean that she just didn't really meet anyone - she's an artist, which means that she works from home, which doesn't help. She's also quite shy, which means that she never really approached anyone she was attracted to. Lastly, she's tall (5' 10"), beautiful and intelligent, but men never approach her. I think this is probably because a lot of men feel slightly intimidated by her, so they don't come and say 'hi'.
So basically, men don't approach her, she doesn't approach men and she works from home, which means her opportunities for meeting people are severely limited anyway! The night we met, she'd decided to break her old habits and to just roll the dice, see what happens, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Lo and behold, she now has a boyfriend... Me! Lucky girl, eh?
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
If you love this girl I would try one last ditch attempt to find out what the problem is. Broach the subject in the cold light of day, In a relaxed private setting. Asking her what the problem is when she's just turned you down for sex is not really ideal, as she may have some deep-seated sexual issues that she's not comfortable talking about, particularly when she's feeling vulnerable, as a lot of women do when it comes to sex and sexuality. Approach the matter sensitively. There could be any number of reasons she's reluctant to have sex, including some sort of past sexual trauma. Try to be passive as opposed to aggressive, by which I mean ask if you're doing something wrong as opposed to asking what's wrong with her. Hope that makes sense, I'm kind of hung over.
Anyway, if you don't love this girl... Really, who gives a gak what the problem is. Just dump her and move on. It'll be better for both of you in the long run. A simple 'sorry, this isn't working for me anymore' should suffice. By text.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/28 09:44:27
poppa G wrote: Keep in mind she is a woman(older than the age of 18) and older than me. lol I think she's just immature at this point.
Do not be judgmental like that. Maybe she has some specific reason, as mentioned by Albatross, but she does not even need one. Sex is something very personal, and you just cannot push people if they are not comfortable with it. This has nothing to do with general maturity.
If you do not want to stay with her, that is okay, do not stay with her, but still you should be understanding and nice about it.
poppa G wrote: If that's your Belf, get better PvP gear.
Well, likely transmog.
Albatross wrote: Yeah, that sounds pretty demoralising mate, but there's nothing 'wrong' with you at all, trust me. My current girlfriend hadn't been on a date in 3 years before we got together and had only ever had one boyfriend before me. She's 32. There's nothing wrong with her, life's just like that sometimes. My personal belief if is that several factors conspired to mean that she just didn't really meet anyone - she's an artist, which means that she works from home, which doesn't help. She's also quite shy, which means that she never really approached anyone she was attracted to. Lastly, she's tall (5' 10"), beautiful and intelligent, but men never approach her. I think this is probably because a lot of men feel slightly intimidated by her, so they don't come and say 'hi'.
So basically, men don't approach her, she doesn't approach men and she works from home, which means her opportunities for meeting people are severely limited anyway! The night we met, she'd decided to break her old habits and to just roll the dice, see what happens, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Lo and behold, she now has a boyfriend... Me! Lucky girl, eh?
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
Thanks!
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Tied to a bedpost in an old motel, confused and naked.
I tried the Peregrine route once more and it worked!
The conversation lasted roughly 45 minutes. My main points were:
1. The way we act is basically the way friends act.
2. We're not on the same level physically or emotionally.
3. There are three main aspects to relationships(A mental, emotional, and physical connection) and two of the points aren't being met.
4. So because of the state of our relationship let's just be friends or step up and try for a more emotional relationship.
---------------------
I am very happy with the way things went. Normally I like to maintain the power position when it comes to serious discussions such as this but I did give her those two options. And because she is the one who chose to stay together I feel that she actually does care about me whereas I thought in the past she didn't give two gaks.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
poppa G wrote: You guys always act weird when it comes to this. Why is that? Why do you guys not like to be in control of a situation?
Because you're talking about a two-way negotiation/discussion where both people are supposed to "win". You know, because this is someone you're in a relationship and like/love? Being in control of a situation means taking a disproportionate share of the power for yourself and putting the other person at a disadvantage. That's fine if it's a business deal where you're both trying to take advantage of each other, but it's not a very good way to maintain a healthy relationship.
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
He's making a joke that poppa's post is a made up story rather than a honest statement about his life to be fair it wouldn't surprise me if he's lying either there's something about his/her's posts that seems insincere.
Aw. Though I normally bait-post, in this thread I've been serious in most of my posts. My last post being one of those serious ones.
Anyways, the reason I don't want to just 'hook-up' with this girl is because I find that emotionless sex isn't as good as when it's done with someone you actually care about, you know?
Agreed, but more seriously, you have a girlfriend. No hooking up for you. If you want to sleep around, be single, if you want a relationship, be in a relationship.
Oh my buddha have I've been asked this so many times. Now keep in mind I'm not a expert on this or anything, but if you want my advice listen to this padawans. If you feel like you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy, then rethink yourself.Learn to love yourself before you love another. Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school. Eventually you will find someone who shares the same dreams and goals as you and everything will happen naturally. To see how successful this advice is, look at my post on the "Show yourself" thread. I've been very happy for 7 years with the same girl
This.
And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
While its not 'normal' in the sense that its not common, its certainly very much still normal (in the sense that its not abnormal). I know more than a few (several of them quite handsome/quite sexy IMO) men and women in the same age group that have been similarly single their entire life. Its really not that big a deal, though personally I think they are missing out on something that can be wonderful if its the right person (which is seemingly rare anyway, so no big loss haha)
It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
While I agree with the premise here, be careful with this, as it very quickly boils down to 'I was only in it for the sex and she wasn't putting out'. Think things through more carefully and evaluate what it is that is actually wrong wtih the relationship and why its no working.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you tried talking to her about it at a time OTHER than right after she turned down your advances? She might be feeling awkward about something and doesn't know how to talk about it. Consider maybe just bringing it up while you're cuddling or something (you do cuddle at least, right?) and just talking about other stuff. Create a relaxed environment where she doesn't feel pressured into anything, etc.
haha I have made up my mind, So, Dakka-How do I break up with her?
I have no idea lol. Try the "I really like you, but I don't know if things are going anywhere between us, I think we should see other people."
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
Yeah, start a Facebook, its a good way to socialize, not directly through the internet mind you, but its a way of finding out thing about others that you might not ever know otherwise. And I dont mean via stalking, I mean by the fact that your facebook friends will post things that will often times surprise you about them, things that interest them that you wouldnt expect them to be interested in. Its a great way to take someone from a casual acquaintance into a close friend if you have shared interests, yknow? Also a great way to find out about events, parties, etc.
If you love this girl I would try one last ditch attempt to find out what the problem is. Broach the subject in the cold light of day, In a relaxed private setting. Asking her what the problem is when she's just turned you down for sex is not really ideal, as she may have some deep-seated sexual issues that she's not comfortable talking about, particularly when she's feeling vulnerable, as a lot of women do when it comes to sex and sexuality. Approach the matter sensitively. There could be any number of reasons she's reluctant to have sex, including some sort of past sexual trauma. Try to be passive as opposed to aggressive, by which I mean ask if you're doing something wrong as opposed to asking what's wrong with her. Hope that makes sense, I'm kind of hung over.
Anyway, if you don't love this girl... Really, who gives a gak what the problem is. Just dump her and move on. It'll be better for both of you in the long run. A simple 'sorry, this isn't working for me anymore' should suffice. By text.
What Albatross said... don't do the text thing though, thats terrible advice, and within her circle of friends (not that you should really care) you will forever be known as an utter joke of a boy.
I am very happy with the way things went. Normally I like to maintain the power position when it comes to serious discussions such as this but I did give her those two options. And because she is the one who chose to stay together I feel that she actually does care about me whereas I thought in the past she didn't give two gaks.
Good! Did she open up at all about what her issues are?
Compel wrote: There is something that unsettles me about the term power position
Same, but at this point I'm used to it from him lol
Compel wrote: There is something that unsettles me about the term power position
You guys always act weird when it comes to this. Why is that? Why do you guys not like to be in control of a situation?
Its very combative/adversarial, and theres a suggestion there that you treat it as a game or a contest, it should really be more of a cooperative/collaborative effort. Also, at least for me, it strongly reminds me of BDSM type stuff, having been involved with that 'scene' (and I DONT mean the white-washed 50 shades of grey type gak) in the past, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Because you're talking about a two-way negotiation/discussion where both people are supposed to "win". You know, because this is someone you're in a relationship and like/love? Being in control of a situation means taking a disproportionate share of the power for yourself and putting the other person at a disadvantage. That's fine if it's a business deal where you're both trying to take advantage of each other, but it's not a very good way to maintain a healthy relationship.
Again, this.
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Southampton, Hampshire, England, British Isles, Europe, Earth, Sol, Sector 001
I got chatted up on FB by a member of my local gaming club.
He asked why I didn't go to the club dressed up. funny thing is While I do spend most of my spair time all dolled up i thought it might be best that i didn't at the club.
Looks like this friday I'll have to swish (Tastefuly dressed mind you) in and see if he is still interested in that drink. I wonder how the soft war gamers will react
I used that pick up line somebody mentioned a few pages back, "Do you know any good places to hide a body?" Its suprisingly effective even if only to cause confusion and it worked for me to get girls talking.
motyak wrote:[...] Yes, the mods are illuminati, and yakface, lego and dakka dakka itself are the 3 points of the triangle.
.
