'How to get a date' by Dakka

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**poppa G**

chaos0xomega wrote:
But Friday is 'Merica Day....

Exactly, ask her out to like a firework show or to chill out on some grassy hill, then make out or something.

**chaos0xomega**

So, any news? I've had a few near misses I suppose, various girls messaging me on Tinder, I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong, they message me first, we start chatting, seem interested, after some time I shoot them my number, and then it basically goes dead... in one instance a girl actually gave me her number, but she came on way way too strong and kinda drove me off (she was complimenting me physically which I found really forward and made me uncomfortable).

**jasper76**

Instead of shooting them your number, ask if they want to do something like get a coffee sometime (something in a public place).

I imagine people on these online services often kind of chicken out when real-life-contact is brought up. By asking them to do something in a public place, you're giving them a chance to meet you without asking them to fork over private info.

Think about if you were them. You're talking to someone who seems pretty cool, then you are given or asked to give a phone number. What if you don't hit it off? What if the person ends up being creepy? IMO, you should give the person some way to safely meet you, and give them the chance to back off without having given away private info in case they aren't interested.

Just my 2 cents.

**chaos0xomega**

I suppose... I mean, a couple times I actually got text responses and the conversation continued for a little longer before fizzling out. I think I'll try your approach in the future though, Tinder -> meetup -> phone number as opposed to Tinder -> phone number -> meetup...

though I think generally the conventional wisdom is Tinder -> phone number -> meetup, so there must be some sort of downside to reversing it that I'm not realizing

**jasper76**

It's very plausible that I don't know what I'm talking about, so add salt. But I'd rather meet someone in person before I gave them my phone number. You never know if you'll meet one of those people who...never...stop...calling....

**chaos0xomega**

sounds like my ex-girlfriend... thankfully modern technology lets you block phone numbers

**Ashiraya**

KalashnikovMarine wrote:

That cracked me up. If someone used that on me I'd love it.

Humour is not the secret recipe to romantic victory but it sure as hell is not detrimental.

**Zambro**

Hey guys,
Up until now, I've only offered small comments and (probably not particularly helpful) opinions. But now I'm here for some advice/comments/encouragement.

Some context:
So, two Thursdays ago, I went to the pub with a group of friends that I would later go camping with (we were leaving the following day). A friend, shows up with one of his female friends who is new to the city and (as I found out later that night) will be coming camping with us. She is incredibly attractive, to the point where I just labelled her as out of my league and let it go. That night, she had basically all of the single guys pawing over her. I left them to it, not talking to her.

Anyway, the next day comes and we go camping. Over the 8 days, our friendship becomes stronger. All the while the other guys that like her are continuing their efforts to woo. Now, right at the start I let go of all expectations which led me to be 'normal' with her. Not 'pussy-footing' around her and doing things to get in her good graces, but instead acting like I would with anyone else - to the point where some things I did/said were plain dickish of me.
As the week went on, I realised it would be hysterical to see how subtly/overtly I could cock-block my friends without them realising (I'm a complete dick sometimes...). A handful of incredibly funny situations later, I realise that she is giving me some attention back. I didn't expect it, but I'll take it. It's also worth mentioning that during our time camping, she broke up with her boyfriend - she is definately single.

Our camp ended on Saturday, and we went for a drink. I continued to play the cock-block game, and intended to ask her out if I got a moment alone with her (It was a bit of a long shot, there were 20 something of us...). She left with a drunk friend before I got the chance. Knowing that our paths wont cross for a while without mine/her intervention, I booted up the ol' Facebook and shot her a message asking if she wanted to do anything some time this week. To my supprise, she said yes. And this Tuesday evening we are doing something.

But (and here is problem number 1), do what? Drinks at the pub? Coffee? ~~Cinema?~~ Other?

Whilst I was asking her if she wanted to do anything, she told me she was out in town (not town as in clubbing, it was late morning) with two of the guys who are attracted to her (The same people I was actively cock-blocking). I'm not 100% sure what she thinks of them, but 1 is an unemployed mid-20s man-child who, literally (and I dont mean figuratively), wouldn't be able to function without his mother and the other is a 'tollerable in small doses' irritating guy with a massive napoleon complex who 'fakes it till he makes it' in such a cringe worthy way that only further proves my theory on his napoleon complex. Despite that last sentance, they are still friends and I wish them all the best...

Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them? I'm not worried at all about what they think - I'm a dick, remember - I'm more concerned with trying to work out the timeless question, does she like me, or them.

A final thought of mine is that because she is new to the city and she knows no one, this could believably be her trying to establish friends. Sure, I'd happily remain friends with her, but it's about time I stop being so stoic about things and actively pursue this.

I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter.
But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.

...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.<
Zambro

**jewels**

Honestly, I think you are overthinking this too much... Without even a first date yet, you should not be worrying over things like "does she like me, or them"

**Peregrine**

Zambro wrote:
Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them

By assuming she's not interested in them. Why worry about it? If she's not interested then you guessed correctly. If she is then she's going to say no to you and it doesn't matter how you approach it. All you can do by worrying about it is over-think everything and damage your confidence.

**Nevelon**

Zambro wrote:

I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter.
But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.

...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.<
Zambro

First off, stop being a dick to your firends.

You are better then that.

If she just broke up with her last boyfriend, she’s probably on the bounce/rebound. Depending on how long a/o serious her last relationship was, her next one might be doomed. That said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If active pursuit has failed your friends, while passively being yourself, has made progress, keep doing what you are doing. If you have some free time, ask her if she wants to go do something. Find out what she wants to do. You can use the fact that she’s new to the area to help break the ice. Show her around. Take her to your favorite pizza joint, coffee house, pub, etc. I’d avoid obvious romantic stuff, as it seems like the more passive approach is working. But you need to be passively available, spending time with her, or chatting online, or otherwise in contact.

But relax and be yourself. If something happens, it happens. If not, there are other fish in the sea and you are still young.

**KesaAnna**

Best short summation of the entire subject I've ever seen :

“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "

If that's too short / you missed the point then :

A commercial tells you that you need or should very much want cigarettes or Coca-Cola and you know its silly , and you recognize that someone you don't even know is trying to manipulate you to their ends , and never mind your welfare or anyone elses. They are trying to sell you a dubious IDEA , so you'll buy stuff.
But it's the same here really.
Your life is ---hopefully -- already full of people , family and friends , that you like or even love , like being around , but you don't even consider getting any more out of them than you are already getting , and indeed , clearly see how getting more would be a minus, not a plus. They are 20 years your senior or your junior, they are the same sex and you don't go for that, or its a different species , or it would be incest.
But WHY is this any different ?

And that's the point really : getting something. not " like" or "love" or really any such thing.
It's transforming a person into a consumer item , and not just the other person, but you as well. You shouldn't be surprised then that in the end you both get a raw deal. It's a scheme that maybe benefits the David Rockefeller's and Kim Kardashian's of the world , but that's not you and it's never going to be.

The whole He versus She thing is bullocks. Now that homosexuality is out of the closet you see the exact same thing when it's same-sex. A lot of people getting hurt over no one can really say why , and sure some get lucky, but some win the million dollar lottery too , it's nothing to mold a practical plan around.

I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.
As I already pointed out, there are people you like being around and who like being around you, who are very useful to you, who you like or even love. But dating never even occurs to you in this context . Indeed , dating would be ludicrous in this context. But maybe its also ludicrous in the other context as well ?

**Peregrine**

KesaAnna wrote:
“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "

Worst advice so far in this thread. Sex is FUN, even if (especially if!) you're not making babies. If you just see it as a "temptation" then it's probably because you haven't had any good sex.

Also, the way to make every child a blessing instead of a tragedy? Birth control and good education.

I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.

A very small percentage of people are asexual and genuinely have no interest in dating. For everyone else your advice is utterly useless. If they're reading a thread about dating advice then it's a pretty safe bet that they want a date. Telling people that they don't understand what they really want and should consider forgetting the whole thing is just arrogant and annoying.

**KesaAnna**

Hilarious. As if it's any skin off my nose.

**Peregrine**

KesaAnna wrote:
Hilarious. As if it's any skin off my nose.

Hey guys, here's some useless non-advice, now I'll run off and refuse to defend it.

**hotsauceman1**

There is a girl I like at work. But I'm to scared to even try. I'm not sure if it is even a good idea. We are stuck in a box for 5 hours at a time. She is a party girl and I'm not. But we talk alot. But that may be just because she is stuck in a box with me

**Bullockist**

It could get a little awkward if things go southwards. I'd suggest just chatting to her, maybe she has a friend

**trexmeyer**

hotsauceman1 wrote:
There is a girl I like at work. But I'm to scared to even try. I'm not sure if it is even a good idea. We are stuck in a box for 5 hours at a time. She is a party girl and I'm not. But we talk alot. But that may be just because she is stuck in a box with me

Don't. It will go south quick.

**hotsauceman1**

And not in the fun way?

**trexmeyer**

Hehe, you're a cheeky guy. I like you.

But no, not in the fun way.

**KesaAnna**

Peregrine wrote:

Sex is FUN,

Lots of things are or can be . To the point , lots of things that are really quite negative.

Peregrine wrote:
If you just see it as a "temptation"

Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed

Peregrine wrote:
Also, the way to make every child a blessing instead of a tragedy? Birth control and good education.

according to who ? According to studies bought and paid for by Multi-million dollar pharmaceutical companies making a killing pushing the product ? According to governments that in purchasing an aircraft carrier ( never mind staffing, supplying, and maintaining the aircraft carrier ) spent more in that than they would have spent to send a hundred thousand kids to the best private schools kindergarten through 12th grade, and then to Harvard and Yale ?
I see this in court every day ; one side BUYS an expert to "prove " one thing, the other side BUYS an "expert " to prove the exact opposite. So much for education .

Peregrine wrote:
A very small percentage of people are asexual

Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.

Peregrine wrote:
If they're reading a thread about dating advice then it's a pretty safe bet that they want a date.

Or it's a pretty safe bet that their phone isn't ringing off the hook and they feel bad about that, or that they find something unsatisfactory about the whole thing but don't know what exactly.

Peregrine wrote:
Telling people ....

That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---

Peregrine wrote:
is ....

presumably --

Peregrine wrote:
just arrogant and annoying.

uh huh.

**Peregrine**

KesaAnna wrote:
Lots of things are or can be . To the point , lots of things that are really quite negative.

And what exactly is your evidence for sex being negative? The fact that you aren't having any? Because as far as I can see it's just plain fun.

Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed

I didn't address them because they're obviously ridiculous. Plenty of people have lots of enjoyable sex without any manipulation or other negative acts.

according to who ?

According to every scientific study of the subject. Easy access to birth control and proper education is extremely effective in reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies. The only people who disagree with this are the

ing idiots of the religious right who think that their moral duty to prevent anyone from knowing that sex exists is more important than facts.

Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.

You're talking about people who are happy without sex or relationships. That's a pretty clear definition of a person who is asexual and/or aromantic.

That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---

So, have you actually had a serious relationship yet, or have you just decided that they're not all that important because you have failed to get one? Because only someone who is completely clueless about sex and relationships would think that "don't think it's so important" is good advice, or that the people asking for dating advice are just confused about what they really want.

**Compel**

Bullockist wrote:
It could get a little awkward if things go southwards. I'd suggest just chatting to her, maybe she has a friend

This seems something that's worth considering more? It seems very easy to get into the whole 'I have a crush on my coworker I work very closely with' thing, especially if you have a job you're interested in and they do as well. That gives you a lot of common ground, plus the familiarity.

I imagine though, it'll be best to say mates with her/him, however I do wonder if asking if they have any single friends is something that should happen more.

**chaos0xomega**

Zambro wrote:
Hey guys,
Up until now, I've only offered small comments and (probably not particularly helpful) opinions. But now I'm here for some advice/comments/encouragement.

Some context:
So, two Thursdays ago, I went to the pub with a group of friends that I would later go camping with (we were leaving the following day). A friend, shows up with one of his female friends who is new to the city and (as I found out later that night) will be coming camping with us. She is incredibly attractive, to the point where I just labelled her as out of my league and let it go. That night, she had basically all of the single guys pawing over her. I left them to it, not talking to her.

Anyway, the next day comes and we go camping. Over the 8 days, our friendship becomes stronger. All the while the other guys that like her are continuing their efforts to woo. Now, right at the start I let go of all expectations which led me to be 'normal' with her. Not 'pussy-footing' around her and doing things to get in her good graces, but instead acting like I would with anyone else - to the point where some things I did/said were plain dickish of me.
As the week went on, I realised it would be hysterical to see how subtly/overtly I could cock-block my friends without them realising (I'm a complete dick sometimes...). A handful of incredibly funny situations later, I realise that she is giving me some attention back. I didn't expect it, but I'll take it. It's also worth mentioning that during our time camping, she broke up with her boyfriend - she is definately single.

Our camp ended on Saturday, and we went for a drink. I continued to play the cock-block game, and intended to ask her out if I got a moment alone with her (It was a bit of a long shot, there were 20 something of us...). She left with a drunk friend before I got the chance. Knowing that our paths wont cross for a while without mine/her intervention, I booted up the ol' Facebook and shot her a message asking if she wanted to do anything some time this week. To my supprise, she said yes. And this Tuesday evening we are doing something.

But (and here is problem number 1), do what? Drinks at the pub? Coffee? ~~Cinema?~~ Other?

Whilst I was asking her if she wanted to do anything, she told me she was out in town (not town as in clubbing, it was late morning) with two of the guys who are attracted to her (The same people I was actively cock-blocking). I'm not 100% sure what she thinks of them, but 1 is an unemployed mid-20s man-child who, literally (and I dont mean figuratively), wouldn't be able to function without his mother and the other is a 'tollerable in small doses' irritating guy with a massive napoleon complex who 'fakes it till he makes it' in such a cringe worthy way that only further proves my theory on his napoleon complex. Despite that last sentance, they are still friends and I wish them all the best...

Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them? I'm not worried at all about what they think - I'm a dick, remember - I'm more concerned with trying to work out the timeless question, does she like me, or them.

A final thought of mine is that because she is new to the city and she knows no one, this could believably be her trying to establish friends. Sure, I'd happily remain friends with her, but it's about time I stop being so stoic about things and actively pursue this.

I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter.
But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.

...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.<
Zambro

Well, if your description of the competition is accurate, and provided you are a high functioning, socially well adjusted male with a promising future, etc.... you're fethed, you haven't a chance in hell, not enough of a loser to beat them

But seriously, don't sweat it, she was out with two guys who, from your description, are exceptionally thirsty and she is likely fully aware of it. Beyond that, she was with the both of them together, which means it wasn't a date, unless she's into the whole orgy thing...

**kronk**

KesaAnna wrote:
Best short summation of the entire subject I've ever seen :

“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "

If that's too short / you missed the point then :

A commercial tells you that you need or should very much want cigarettes or Coca-Cola and you know its silly , and you recognize that someone you don't even know is trying to manipulate you to their ends , and never mind your welfare or anyone elses. They are trying to sell you a dubious IDEA , so you'll buy stuff.
But it's the same here really.
Your life is ---hopefully -- already full of people , family and friends , that you like or even love , like being around , but you don't even consider getting any more out of them than you are already getting , and indeed , clearly see how getting more would be a minus, not a plus. They are 20 years your senior or your junior, they are the same sex and you don't go for that, or its a different species , or it would be incest.
But WHY is this any different ?

And that's the point really : getting something. not " like" or "love" or really any such thing.
It's transforming a person into a consumer item , and not just the other person, but you as well. You shouldn't be surprised then that in the end you both get a raw deal. It's a scheme that maybe benefits the David Rockefeller's and Kim Kardashian's of the world , but that's not you and it's never going to be.

The whole He versus She thing is bullocks. Now that homosexuality is out of the closet you see the exact same thing when it's same-sex. A lot of people getting hurt over no one can really say why , and sure some get lucky, but some win the million dollar lottery too , it's nothing to mold a practical plan around.

I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.
As I already pointed out, there are people you like being around and who like being around you, who are very useful to you, who you like or even love. But dating never even occurs to you in this context . Indeed , dating would be ludicrous in this context. But maybe its also ludicrous in the other context as well ?

You need to date a feth-ton of people so that you find out what you like and what you're looking for.

If you marry the first girl that smiles at you, you'll be divorced in 5 years or will be doomed to a life of misery.

feth early.

feth often.

**chaos0xomega**

I suppose I shall share my most recent non-adventures with y'all (and thus continue to ignore dora the explorers campaign against physical pleasure):

1. This girl I met whom is a friend of a friend, we got piss ass drunk together, enjoyed great chemistry, had an amazing time, etc. etc. etc. on paper she is absolutely perfect - nerdy, intelligent, great sense of humor, New Jersey born and bred, Devils fan, etc. etc. etc. she's absolutely gorgeous, great body, etc. etc. I.E. - my dream girl. We part ways at the end of the night (or more accurately, I pass out on our friends couch at like 3AM and she gets a ride home), I wake up to a facebook friend request from her like right after she left, and I'm like 'Alright! Homeboy's in there!' I accept the friend request.... and she has a boyfriend -__-

2. There is this girl I am friends with on facebook, super attractive, never met before in my life, we're both members of some of the same NJ Devils facebook fan groups and for whatever reason she added me about a month or whatever back, I never really bothered talking to her though. About two weeks ago, she posted an image of a text conversation on her page which was basically the typical "Hey whats up" "NM, U?" "same lol" type deal of dumb questions and complete non-answers, and she commented on the photo something to the effect of "Guys, if this is how you talk to girls you're never going to get anywhere with them" thing, I commented on it that a conversation is a two way street and guys have the same issues, and it doesn't help when a girl provides lame non-answers that don't lead the conversation anywhere, etc. she agreed with me. Well, about a week later she messaged me out of the blue, "hey whats up" and I *attempted* to start a conversation with her, asking her some open-ended questions that she should have had no problem providing decent meaningful answers to... of course all I get is stupid non-answers, and at this point am reasonably convinced that she's basic. Anyway after three or four messages (If you can even call them that, I don't consider "yepppppp" to be an actual message, its not even a word) I gave up and she stopped responding, last night, after a week of nothing she messaged me again in reply to something I said, same non-answer bs, and at this point the temptation to call her out on her lack of conversational skill is overwhelming.

Mind you, this girl... unless she's a catfish (remember, never met before, very little information about her even being facebook friends), I would absolutely do terrible things to judging by her photos lol

**Daemonhammer**

Peregrine wrote:
KesaAnna wrote:
Lots of things are or can be . To the point , lots of things that are really quite negative.

And what exactly is your evidence for sex being negative? The fact that you aren't having any? Because as far as I can see it's just plain fun.

Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed

I didn't address them because they're obviously ridiculous. Plenty of people have lots of enjoyable sex without any manipulation or other negative acts.

according to who ?

According to every scientific study of the subject. Easy access to birth control and proper education is extremely effective in reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies. The only people who disagree with this are the ing idiots of the religious right who think that their moral duty to prevent anyone from knowing that sex exists is more important than facts.

Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.

You're talking about people who are happy without sex or relationships. That's a pretty clear definition of a person who is asexual and/or aromantic.

That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---

So, have you actually had a serious relationship yet, or have you just decided that they're not all that important because you have failed to get one? Because only someone who is completely clueless about sex and relationships would think that "don't think it's so important" is good advice, or that the people asking for dating advice are just confused about what they really want.

I find this strangely similar to what teachers and priests were telling me back when I was in a christian secondary school; "dont have sex because its a foul thing to do and you will go to hell".

**kronk**

Well, to be fair, if you don't wrap that gak up, it might fall off...

**hotsauceman1**

Compel wrote:
Bullockist wrote:
It could get a little awkward if things go southwards. I'd suggest just chatting to her, maybe she has a friend

This seems something that's worth considering more? It seems very easy to get into the whole 'I have a crush on my coworker I work very closely with' thing, especially if you have a job you're interested in and they do as well. That gives you a lot of common ground, plus the familiarity.
.

That is something I have considered. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time. Most of the time playing cards waiting for a customer. Not talking would get boring. But I just cant sometimes wonder that if I dont get the guts to ask someone out soon, I may never.

**trexmeyer**

My two rules of dating:
1) Don't ask out coworkers
2) Don't feth female friends

It's ended poorly every time even if the middle part was a bit of fun.