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Talk about your present then. What you do, what you enjoying doing, whatever.

I'm halfway tempted to rewrite my online dating profiles based on the advise I gave during the job interviews thread, just to see what happens.

"The key concepts/behaviours that employees need to have:

These might be very based on my experiences and may not apply to all businesses / jobs.

1) Customers - This might not mean sales, but any situation where someone else had asked you to do something for them. One of the most important things here is getting across your attitude when you have to say no to them. Note: Saying "I always endeavour to please my customers" is the wrong answer. The potential employers wanted to find out what happens when **** hits the fan.

2) Working with your team - This includes any leadership roles you've had to take in teams. Again, demonstrate how you deal with things when things go wrong and, hopefully, resolved them leading to a successful outcome. If this didn't happen (which it might be ok if it didn't), explain what efforts you went to 'mitigating the risk' and what you did accomplish.

3) Saving Money/Time - Are you on the look out for ways to increase efficiency in things. Can you talk about any situations when you noticed something was a waste of time and you found out a way to speed things up?

4) Responsiveness to Change - Talking about times when something new came in and you had to quickly adapt. Do you teach people new things? Maybe you weren't the person that figured out the thing in number (3) but you were the person that went out and told all your schoolmates / teachers / lecturers about it and it had a benefit. Never ever use the phrase "set in my ways" this is bad.

5) Problem Solving - What's your approach to solving problems, how do you balance the need to get something done, versus sitting and studying a problem forever and never making a decision until the last minute or it's too late. It's ok to talk about the time you made a wrong choice, but also illustrate why it was the wrong choice.

6) Teaching people things: How well do you get on with teaching people stuff. Did they grasp the concepts? This might involve teaching the interviewer a bit about something they're unfamiliar with.

7) Doing your work - 'nuff said really. Talk about the time you accomplished something and how you did it."

It would be... intriguing to see the results. I starting to think dating is a lot like a job interview. At least in one way, which is, you only figure out how to 'do' it properly... When you do need to do it anymore.

Quite a few of my friends have commented that they have had pretty much the standard experiences lamented in this thread for their entire lives, they meet that special someone and then, out of the blue, they have interested parties basically clamouring at the gates. The comment lament was:

"So where were all of them when I was in my 20's?"

According to OKCupid, I am a lot “more pure” than average. I am not sure what this means…
Also a lot of user with a high “match” score with me define themselves as feminists. Surprising, is it not?

 trexmeyer wrote:
Well...if all you want to do I bang brainless sorority girls, then yes, being "cut" helps a lot.

Being stereotypically attractive on a physical level will always help a person meet other people, which is the first step in forming a relationship of any sort.

 trexmeyer wrote:

Being exceptionally good looking might be more of a hindrance to finding a meaningful relationship than a help.

Exceptionally good looks can be intimidating, but that's an issue with forming any sort of relationship; not just a meaningful one.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I consider myself to be the most boring person in the world, and I have no idea which of the qualities I possess--if any--would be applicable to dating. I've never been good about writing about myself in general; even at school when we had to write person statements I was completely stuck. Other people, fictional people, I can do, but myself? Nope.

Stop making excuses. You know what the most common profile I see is, besides "I'm a fun person who likes to have fun"? "I hate writing summaries". I even had it on mine for a while before I realized how cliche it was. It isn't something people write because they're truly so boring that there's nothing to say, it's something they write because they're too lazy to do a better job and/or believe that they're not allowed to brag. If you spend some time thinking about it you can figure out at least something, no matter how brief, to say about yourself. You have hobbies, you have political/religious beliefs, you probably have a job/school/etc, maybe you even have some personality attributes that stand out.

As for what is applicable to dating: whatever you want to be applicable. Your intro section has two jobs, the relative importance of which depend on your preference:

1) To get the people you're interested in to keep reading past the first few lines. Most people make a first impression pretty quickly, so you want your intro to show them something appealing that makes them look at the more detailed answers lower down the page and eventually start a conversation (or reply to a message you sent them). So look at it from the perspective of your hypothetical ideal match: without being dishonest about it, what do you have that they want to see? If you need some help look at some people you find interesting and see what they seem to be looking for (but treat it as a general survey, not a list of things to put into your profile right before you message someone specific).

2) To filter out people you have no interest in and get them to stop reading before they hit the "message" button. Let's be honest, if you're a devout conservative Christian looking for marriage and kids you're probably not going to have any chance with (or interest in) a liberal atheist whose main goal is casual sex after going out drinking all night. So rather than having an awkward exchange of messages before you realize how incompatible you are you put that kind of thing up front and send them elsewhere ASAP. Again, look at it from the other person's perspective: what things about you are likely to be dealbreakers?

So I'll use myself as an example and look at what I'd use to accomplish those two goals:

1) I'm most interested in the gamer/geek types, and someone who wants to play games (especially miniatures games!) with me would be ideal. So obviously gaming gets a mention, but I should also mention the fact that I'm an engineer and science fiction lover, as well as having an IQ that breaks the scale. Somewhat less important (because I have a girlfriend who likes these) is that I don't just sit around indoors all the time, I like hiking and I play ultimate frisbee regularly. So I should throw in a mention of that. Oh, and I fly airplanes, which is something rare and attention-getting.

2) This part is very important for me because I have a lot of potential dealbreakers that are not up for negotiation. Politically I'm very far to the left and I'm a devout atheist, and I love to argue about both of these things. People who don't agree with me on those things are unlikely to put up with me for very long, so I'll put that up front just in case the 15% match score doesn't make it clear enough. Similarly, my gaming and other hobbies are not something I'm ever giving up, so emphasizing them early drives away people who think 40k is a bunch of "silly toys" in addition to attracting the people I'm interested in. Finally, I'm polyamorous and in a happy long-term relationship, so I'll make that explicit just in case the "open relationship" tag at the top wasn't enough.

And now, to finish the lesson, I'll even write myself a new intro without copy/pasting from my real one:

Summary:

Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.

Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.

The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.

After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.


Obviously that's really basic (as you'd expect from ~5 minutes of work with the random idea I had), but hopefully it illustrates my point? The major things in both areas are included, and it's done in a way that is hopefully at least vaguely interesting and not like all the 9999999999 other guys sending generic "hi, I love to have fun, can we have sex now?" messages.

Well, I got catfished by a girl on Tinder. Based on her pics she was a strong 7 to weak 8 in the looks department...but turned out to be not remotely attractive and incredibly awkward in person. Spent an hour with her to be polite. What a waste of time...

 trexmeyer wrote:
Well, I got catfished by a girl on Tinder. Based on her pics she was a strong 7 to weak 8 in the looks department...but turned out to be not remotely attractive and incredibly awkward in person. Spent an hour with her to be polite. What a waste of time...

Tinder appears to be a waste of time in general lol. All I get are spambots and call girls!

 Peregrine wrote:
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.

Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.

The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.

After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.

I like this. It's unique enough to be interesting even if you also find it confusing, and if you understand it - and get the reference as well - it becomes even more interesting.

Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them

I guess every girl you talk to later will be easier then.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them

Would you have hit it though?

With a shovel?

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them

Would you have hit it though?

With a ball Gag and A brown bag.

Fun fact: I am actually too shy to send message to OKCupid or something.

 Peregrine wrote:

Summary:

Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.

Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.

The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.

After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.

This is just plain Awesome. Have an Exalt.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Fun fact: I am actually too shy to send message to OKCupid or something.

Why?

I started a convo with a girl by complementing her enjoyment of Hellsing Ultimate (I swear this is what I said "Hellising Ultimate is awesome! I complement you on liking such a great show about vampires lol")

So thank you Alucard, I owe you one.

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
Why?

I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…

Really, the only thing that would make you an annoyance is if you just said "hey" no one likes that.
Or if you spam the person's inbox.

I just generally pick something off their profile and go from there.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
Why?

I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…

Well stop trying to say something witty and clever and just start saying something.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind

Then why are you even thinking about messaging these people? If you can't think of anything, no matter how trivial, to talk about then what exactly do you see in them that makes you interested? Alternatively, if you're being a perfectionist about it and refusing to say anything until you can come up with the perfect opening line, stop doing that.

and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…

Can you write in complete sentences? Can you exchange at least three messages without talking about sex? Have you read the person's profile instead of sending out a generic form letter to every woman in a 100 mile radius? If you answer "yes" to all of these questions congratulations, you're in the top 1% of men on dating sites. Seriously, the standards here are incredibly low, if you have any sense at all you're not going to become a memorable annoyance that someone talks about years later. At worst they'll just decide they aren't interested and delete the message just like all the spam.

And really, think about it this way: if they don't want to receive messages then why are they on a dating site?

 Peregrine wrote:
And really, think about it this way: if they don't want to receive messages then why are they on a dating site?

I am not being rational, I know, but I cannot help it. Kind of like when I was passing the exams to enter my school and on my French test, I thought my essay was so, so bad that I finally just gave them a blank essay instead even though I knew that could only result in a lower grade. I just felt very ashamed of how bad it was, so I would not want anyone else to see it.
I guess it is a bit of the same thing here.

Well you'll never have a chance to succeed if you don't try.

Too late for me to chime in?

Go ahead

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Fun fact: I am actually too shy to send message to OKCupid or something.

This was my buddies suggestion. Guys get a 10% response rate........
Message 3 a day saying "hi, Im Hybrid, I like long walks on the beach, Anime porn and casual murder"
You will get a response for quite a few atleast once a week. Also remember, she may not have opened it because she didnt see it(girls get flooded with messages every day)

 Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:
Too late for me to chime in?

Dude, where have you been? We've missed you.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
Why?

I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…

You're focusing on yourself. Don't go into any direct interaction with another human focusing on yourself. Focus on the other person, ask questions. Take a genuine interest. If you think a person doesn't seem interesting, don't waste your time talking to them. You won't get anything out of the experience.

I'm still in a relationship, incidentally. Ambivalence.

 Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:
Too late for me to chime in?

Oh, this ought to be good.


Kids, meet Cannerus, Dakka Sex Mod.




VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
This was my buddies suggestion. Guys get a 10% response rate........

I have two women that answered me, out of seven, so I am a bit above the average. I also got two that initiated the conversation themselves \o/.

 Albatross wrote:
Oh, this ought to be good.


Kids, meet Cannerus, Dakka Sex Mod.




VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

.
What should we expect?

If a threesome isn't discussed by the end of the next page I'll eat my hat.

Holy gak, its Cannerus!!! And it only took like what, 50 pages since I posted "I wonder what ever happened to Cannerus"? lol


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Albatross wrote:
If a threesome isn't discussed by the end of the next page I'll eat my hat.

Pretty much this.