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Made in us
Member of the Ethereal Council






So, my friends advice was more, how to get a booty call, how to pick up girls at a bar or party and stuff like that.
Not what I want, what I WA the is a relationship, or at least a date, not meaningless sex with a sorority girl.
Also, apparently just straight asking a girl out is creepy.

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Made in us
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The Great State of New Jersey

Yeah it is, which is odd if you think about it... Like, if I see a cute girl at the other end of the bar and walk up to her and be all like "Hey, I noticed you noticing me, and I wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you too, and I'd love to maybe get some drinks with you some time and get to know you too" thats apparently creepy as feth, a total faux pas, and has next to zero chance of landing me a date, but instead walking up to her, introducing yourself, and making small talk for 10 minutes before asking for a date is totally cool, even though the end result is the same.

CoALabaer wrote:
Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
 
   
Made in us
Member of the Ethereal Council






Well he said that even if you knew them for awhile it's creepy. I just don't get it. He said you should be dating them before either of you know it.
I'm so confused.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
I feel like I should just give up sometimes, that it is hopeless. It's frustrating not know how to do something.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/12/10 21:29:21


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Made in us
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The Great State of New Jersey

Oh, I see. What hes saying is you should stealth date, as in 'hang out' and 'do stuff' without ever really discussing the subject until after you've fethed a couple times. Thats not really dating, thats more hooking up, and its kind of high school gak. Asking for a date isn't creepy if its done at the right time and place with the right person.

CoALabaer wrote:
Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
 
   
Made in ca
Lieutenant Colonel






 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well he said that even if you knew them for awhile it's creepy. I just don't get it. He said you should be dating them before either of you know it.
I'm so confused.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
I feel like I should just give up sometimes, that it is hopeless. It's frustrating not know how to do something.


dont give up man, a lot of it is just un learning a lot of things more then learning them. It is both a blessing and a curse to be tasked with spending your life understanding and wooing women.

its odd, yes, lots of unspoken rules yes, lots of contradictory things too... I cannot ever explain the why, only the how, so dont ask me why its like this.


dont call it a date, until well after you are already dating,

you always invite out to something, somewhere at some time, ... but have these things PLANNED IN ADVANCE before you ask her, but make it look like you just came up with them and be assertive about it.

IE: hey there is a cool stand up show at the laugh laugh club, we should grab a beer there friday evening." *there is a open mike night at club coolio, we should grab a coffee there tuesday evening`*

notice, I just told her what was happening, and that she should do it, its not a question, its a declarative statement (though keep in mind, its not an order either)

as opposed to "hey, do you want to do something some time?" or "do you want to go out sometime?"

think of it less as asking women if they want to date you, and telling women they should date you, even why they should date you.

if she still says no, and this is probably the #1 thing you need to learn to do, is to just move on and not worry too much about it. Women have types, you weren't hers, you are someone else s though.

other then that, the key is to be improving yourself mostly, the better *you* you are, the better you feel/look/think and act, and adds to the list of `why you should date me` and improves your life in general.

Men who are actively achieving and conquering goals will not only reap the benefit of having achieved those goals, but also the benefit of people *noticing* you are achieving them.

IE keep improving your bodies health, and you get the benefit of a healthy body and more attention from ladies,

improve your education or job position and you get those benefits as well as increasing your attraction,

do interesting things (books travel, protest something, believe in something, deny something, just make sure its something interesting) and you benefit from being more interesting, and people will be more interested in you if you have things to talk about.




This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/12/11 03:14:42


 
   
Made in us
Member of the Ethereal Council






It just seems like......IDK, getting into the friendship with a women first is the hardest part itself....and one I have no idea how to do....
Maybe I should be gay....I hear alot of men like bears.......

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Made in ca
Lieutenant Colonel






LOL gay men still have a sign that says `*no fatties*, you can be hairy, but not fat and hairy if you want to be popular with the menz.

dont worry about knowing that step, its not needed.


dont ask them for friendship, and dont act like their friend if you want to bone em, it does not work. You will never earn enough friend points to be BF material because thats not how it works.

you want to be their lover or BF, not their friend.


you just gotta ask for what you want straight up. if they dont want to give it, find one who will.


Women decide in seconds if they want you, and that is entirely based on your first impression and a bad appearance. bad breath, hygiene, fitness, and clothes will all knock you out of the running.

get the body in shape, get the testosterone doing its thing, focus on yourself and improving your life.

the rest will come, its hard and frustrating but were all in it together.

 
   
Made in ca
Preacher of the Emperor




At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

Yeah friendship doesn't ever translate to romance, sometimes they don't even see you as a friend (or maybe I just knew gakky people)

I had a date tonight, not sure it went well, but I have a real bad track record (all failures).
This seemed no better then any of the others so I am pretty gloomy about it

Make Dolls Great Again
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For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in ca
Fixture of Dakka




Kamloops, BC

Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/12/11 04:22:37


 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut




 Cheesecat wrote:
Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...


A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...

The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy 
   
Made in us
Member of the Ethereal Council






Well, If you define lift broadly maybe......like lift a finger...

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Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut




Nah man, they need that squat booty.

Pity that cokehead had a great butt, but was psychotic and hates me now. Saw the Paris Hilton episode of South Park again recently and realized that girl was Paris Hilton, but without the over the top sluttiness...fething alcoholic rager.

The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy 
   
Made in ca
Lieutenant Colonel






 Cheesecat wrote:
Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...


Having a GF that likes the same stuff is great, and a part of a healthy relationship that I look for as well.

Enjoying each others company on a deep level does not necessitate some kind of mandatory "we have to be platonic friends first", especially if your intent going in is to have it get romantic.

woman are not relationship vending machines that you can put friendship coins into until they become your girlfriend.

Girl-friends are just that, NON platonic friends, this doesnt mean you have sex on the first date or whatever, but be honest about intentions and expectations, dont try to kid yourself or her.

Everyone is looking for a non platonic friendship, its nothing to be ashamed about, and its still just as much real friendship as platonic friendship.



This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2014/12/11 06:56:10


 
   
Made in us
Shadowy Grot Kommittee Memba




The Great State of New Jersey

 trexmeyer wrote:
 Cheesecat wrote:
Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...


A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...


False. I know a girl, she has a boyfriend, it isn't me, and it makes me want to cry every time I talk to her... shes also a model, stupidly smart, and loves nerdy gak.

CoALabaer wrote:
Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
 
   
Made in fr
Hallowed Canoness





 trexmeyer wrote:
A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...

I do not know about MMO, but if pro Starcraft II player that win tournaments can work too, well, there is Madeleine Leander.
http://esport.aftonbladet.se/team/maddelisk/workout-blog-week-introduction
Note that she is also doing a PhD in mathematics, because she needed more awesome .
I kind of expect that you would face quite a bit of competition there .

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Made in se
Glorious Lord of Chaos






The burning pits of Hades, also known as Sweden in summer

 trexmeyer wrote:
 Cheesecat wrote:
Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...


A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...


I do play MMOs (a lot) but I don't really lift.

So no, I don't even lift.


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Made in ca
Preacher of the Emperor




At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

Well that date went poorly, as I thought it would...

I donno if it's just some curse I have but everytime this happens they never speak to me again, I'd have at least wanted to be friends...
But it's like, I meet someone online, we talk lots and really enjoy it-get along great and it's fun, meet and she hates me.
So she never speaks to me again.

I always thought I was a bit better then that, but 3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.

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Clover/Trump 2016
For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN (Currently in WY)

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
So, my friends advice was more, how to get a booty call, how to pick up girls at a bar or party and stuff like that.
Not what I want, what I WA the is a relationship, or at least a date, not meaningless sex with a sorority girl.
Also, apparently just straight asking a girl out is creepy.


Maybe you want a relationship, but they dont spring out of the ground like hoplites from Dragon's Teeth sown into the ground. The first step is the approach and the pick-up. Maybe your goal isn't a booty call, but you have to be able to get girls talking, hanging out, and then going on dates with you before you can have a relationship.

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United Kingdom

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.


3 bad dates in a few months isn't terrible. It's just coincidence / bad luck. You're not exactly havings lots and lots of bad dates...

What makes you say its you? What has happened on all three dates that might have contributed to not getting called back? Are you sure it's not the women?

   
Made in fr
Hallowed Canoness





I cannot speak for Rainbow Dash, but 3 bad dates in a few month will mean something very different if you already had quite a bunch of dates that went well before, or if it is the last 3 bad dates of a life in which you only had bad dates.
In the first case, you will likely think “Those women were not into me”. In the second, “Women are not into me”.

"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
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Southeastern PA, USA

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
Well that date went poorly, as I thought it would...

I donno if it's just some curse I have but everytime this happens they never speak to me again, I'd have at least wanted to be friends...
But it's like, I meet someone online, we talk lots and really enjoy it-get along great and it's fun, meet and she hates me.
So she never speaks to me again.

I always thought I was a bit better then that, but 3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.


If you share what you did and talked about, people might be able to give you some tips.

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Made in ca
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At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.

I'm a weird person so I always assume it's me.

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For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in us
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 Rainbow Dash wrote:
We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.

I'm a weird person so I always assume it's me.


So where is the "went poorly" part?

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At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

 Peregrine wrote:
 Rainbow Dash wrote:
We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.

I'm a weird person so I always assume it's me.


So where is the "went poorly" part?


Dunno, I don't actually ever know what goes poorly on any of them they just always completely change how they act towards me.
Where as before we meet they are always happy to see me, enjoy chatting, all that, after, they don't say more then a few words and are very cold and then I just stop talking to them and they don't message me anymore.

I mean... I am not at all closed about my oddities, that I am a cooky person or socially weird, and they seem all interested in that, but when they come face to face with it...they hate it.
I don't know what they want, they said all the things I enjoyed were neat wanted to hear about them, then they hear about them and I get rejected...
Am I crazy? It has to be me...something about me...

This one I had the feeling as soon as she saw me I was fethed, like I was supposed to do or say something and I didn't.
And it just felt awkward the entire night.

Make Dolls Great Again
Clover/Trump 2016
For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in us
Douglas Bader






 Rainbow Dash wrote:
Where as before we meet they are always happy to see me, enjoy chatting, all that, after, they don't say more then a few words and are very cold and then I just stop talking to them and they don't message me anymore.


As I said before, this is common. Everyone, unless they're a sex god billionaire, has first dates that don't go anywhere. Having a person go silent the next day isn't a spectacular failure, it just means they didn't see any potential and decided that it's easier to stop talking than to give an explicit rejection. A major failure would be if the person walked out in the middle of the date, or at least went silent and awkward and started looking for the check and a box for their leftovers.

I mean... I am not at all closed about my oddities, that I am a cooky person or socially weird, and they seem all interested in that, but when they come face to face with it...they hate it.


Why are you assuming that this is some kind of special hate for who you are, instead of just apathy? You don't have to hate someone to not be interested in dating them, you just have to realize that they're not the 0.00001% of people in the world that you're interested in.

There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices. 
   
Made in ca
Preacher of the Emperor




At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

People just dislike me... I donno what it is, but I loose friends on a regular basis, or they'll just say something really cruel to me for no reason.
I remember once I was playing halo with a friend and did a stupid dance and she said I looked anorexic because, I think I rolled up my sleeves and I don't generally not wear something large because I am pretty thin...
Needless to day, I bring out the worst in people.

And to be fair... the first two I was given the old toss (once so she could go to work, a call in, and another so she could study) those ones were pretty bad this one was...well normal meh date.

Out of the three, this one made me feel the least bad.

Make Dolls Great Again
Clover/Trump 2016
For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN (Currently in WY)

 Rainbow Dash wrote:

I don't know what they want, they said all the things I enjoyed were neat wanted to hear about them, then they hear about them and I get rejected...



I am going to go out on a limb and guess the quoted part is where it goes all wrong. I have a feeling that you are actually over sharing about what you enjoy.

Instead, spend the majority of the time talking about what they enjoy. Learn to redirect and ask open ended questions, actively listen, and ask follow-up questions.

At the end of the night you should know a lot about them, but they should know very little about you. That way, there is a reason for them to see you again. To solve the mystery of who you are. Plus, people love talking about themselves. Let your date do it, and save your stories for the next few dates.

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Preacher of the Emperor




At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

Actually I very seldom spoke about my own likes this time around, I mean I don't often talk about them because they are weird and embarrassing and I know nobody cares, so I asked her questions.
She said she was shy before hand so didn't say anything without me asking her.

All and all it was the least bad but still the most awkward.
I had the least fun on it because unlike the others I was trying far harder to be more... normal and less out there as I usually am and present myself.
I presented myself far more reserved then normal. So this seems to have a more normal "oh we didn't click" then the other two which was "this guy is too weird"

I mean people often respond better to my "normal act"...but I feel miserable since, I am showing so little of myself and always walk on egg shells, trying to act proper and it spirals out of control and I become extremely angry and depressed and just fall apart.
So it's either I have fake happiness and someone likes a fake person (for as long as I can hack it), or I am myself and happy with that, but alone as everyone is put off by that.

Make Dolls Great Again
Clover/Trump 2016
For the United Shelves of America! 
   
Made in us
Pragmatic Primus Commanding Cult Forces






Southeastern PA, USA

You may not feel genuine, but first dates *are* a time to be a little conservative. I think that guys that have trouble with females sometimes defensively fall into the "this is how I am...you need to accept me for me!" attitude. Eventually that may be the case, but not on the first date.

And I don't think that I'm saying "be fake." I think the goal is to let your overall personality shine through, but avoid going too deep on the personal stuff or discussing hot-button topics, etc. First dates are about seeing if there's some basic, ground-level chemistry with this combination, not whether your interests, values and life goals are completely aligned.

I get that gaming geeks don't necessarily rank high with their interpersonal skills, but with practice this stuff will get easier and more natural. I'm naturally an introvert who was never great in the bar scene as a single guy, but when I got an actual date over dinner, etc., I was very confident and much more in my element.

It'll come...being patient and getting through some bad dates may be the hard part, but it's how you learn and get better. TBH, it sounds to me like you might not have connected with her interpersonally, no matter what you said. First dates with the super-shy are usually very, very awkward IMO.


A general comment to the thread regarding the 'ask questions' thing -- I think it's good advice, but IMO you also need to show you can handle some back and forth and have a good conversation, and that involves holding up your end too. I think I gave this advice many pages ago, but if you're dating, it's not a bad idea to bone up on pop culture. Watch a few popular TV shows and movies, read a bestseller, keep up with current events, etc. You want to have "safe" material to talk about. Table most of the geek talk, and if it comes up not of your doing, downplay it, don't linger on it, and move on. You can safely pile on the geek stuff later, after the girl has already decided that she really likes you.

My AT Gallery
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View my Genestealer Cult! Article - Gallery - Blog
Best Appearance - GW Baltimore GT 2008, Colonial GT 2012

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Made in ca
Preacher of the Emperor




At a Place, Making Dolls Great Again

Yeah but with someone like me who is already socially awkward and just all around awkward, I have to tone everything down, always.
It's one or the other, because I can't just let a bit in because that little bit alone is crazy.
My overall personality is weird, like I'm a weird person.
I'm cool with that and enjoy what I love, no one else does, but I still derive some happiness in my life.
Just alone. Everything I do really I do by myself.

It'd be different if I was just some run of the mill gamer but I am not I am far more...odd then that (though I dislike video games)... So it's not as easy as that.

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