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 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 A Town Called Malus wrote:
Sounds like she was asking whether you'd presented your PhD thesis. Quite straightforward

You have an eye for detail!
Let us put it another way. Why is she interested in knowing whether or not I presented my PhD thesis?

It's called an ice breaker, a throw away question to get a conversation started. Sort of like asking hey do you like this tie? or is that food good?

Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until you're into the conversation. If she steers it elsewhere it was just to get things warmed up, if she shows continued interest then maybe there's a connection there.

 angelofvengeance wrote:
Sounds like she may have appreciated the attention you were giving her Oxayotl.

Yeah, but why did she barely talked to me for so long?

 paulson games wrote:
Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until your into the conversation.

Well, she already knows what I work on, and I know what she works on, and it is completely different. She is working on a model to predict how much noise a wind turbine will create, and I am working on graph theory. We had talked about it before, and graph theory unsurprisingly did not interest her too much.

 paulson games wrote:
Women typically wait for the guys to make the first move

Yeah, but remember it was not about making a first move. We used to be eating together after every climbing session (after I asked her if she wanted to), before she stopped, saying it was because she had to write an article, and generally gave me the impression she was not interested in talking with me anymore.

Just talk to her.

Yeah that's what i think. Just talk to her and get it over with. If she isn't into it then just go for other girls.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 paulson games wrote:
Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until your into the conversation.

Well, she already knows what I work on, and I know what she works on, and it is completely different. She is working on a model to predict how much noise a wind turbine will create, and I am working on graph theory. We had talked about it before, and graph theory unsurprisingly did not interest her too much.

 paulson games wrote:
Women typically wait for the guys to make the first move

Yeah, but remember it was not about making a first move. We used to be eating together after every climbing session (after I asked her if she wanted to), before she stopped, saying it was because she had to write an article, and generally gave me the impression she was not interested in talking with me anymore.

If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.

Stop tyring so hard to make something happen.

Know whats frustrating? Having more options at once than you have ever had at any point in your life, ever.

Know whats even more frustrating? Not wanting most of those options, and not wanting to take the options you do want because those options are your friends exes.

Even more frustrating than that? Being the reason why several of those options are no longer in their relationships with your friends.

FML.

Pro-tip : best place to get a date if you really want one is a Gay Straight Alliance conference.

There are more straight people than gay people there XD

Well just my few tours there eight numbers and me saying no everytime.

And I could score twice that being bisexual, that's a Rainbow Dash of an idea!

 Easy E wrote:
Stop tyring so hard to make something happen.

Okay…

chaos0xomega wrote:
Know whats frustrating? Having more options at once than you have ever had at any point in your life, ever.

Know whats even more frustrating? Not wanting most of those options, and not wanting to take the options you do want because those options are your friends exes.

Even more frustrating than that? Being the reason why several of those options are no longer in their relationships with your friends.

FML.

Feeling sorry for yourself won't help. Are all these really options you're surrounded by? Or are you counting every single girl you know? Because if you aren't interested in them, or they aren't in you, then they're not really options. Are any expressing clear interest? Just knowing them and their being single doesn't necessarily mean they are an option. Secondly, unless there's bad feeling between certain people, then I don't see why someone should rule out going out with a friend's ex. It's always a 'hilarious' no-no in sitcoms, but Ive found people to be a bit more relaxed in real life, unless there's a particular dispute ongoing. Who do you actually like that you know? And be proactive about approaching them instead of focusing on a number of possible relationships you don't even want.

Long and the short of it is that over the past few weeks several girls I know have made clear come ons to me and/or asked me if I wanted to hook up. In one case the girl (who is kind of nuts) told me that she had developed feelings for me right after she broke up with her BF, another mentioned that due to all the time she was spending hanging out with me she realized that her BF wasn't fulfilling her needs, etc. because he was never around/preferred sitting home alone to going out to concerts/movies/dinner/socializing in general.

I think its the beard, which has grown more glorious with each passing day (also I've started using a special shampoo, as well as beard oil and wax to better maintain it, its so thick and luxurious now lol).

In any case I have two rules that I will never break (again):

1. Don't sleep with/date people you became friends with prior to having any romantic interest in, particularly close friends that are within your circle of friends. Been there, ruined what were really good friendships, and I'm necessarily talking about the friendship with the girl I dated, but rather our mutual friends. In this case most of the girls who've recently broken up made this exact mistake by dating guys within their circle of friends and while not all of thsoe friendships are now ruined (because the breakups were amicable/mutual) it has made certain social interactions awkward/more complex than they need to be (either her or her ex will refuse to attend gatherings/parties/events where the other will be in attendance and there is just a general increase in time-conflicts when it comes to hanging out within the various circles I frequent which means the rest of us have to perform a balancing act when it comes to what things we do with one or the other so that it doesn't look like we're picking favorites, etc.).

2. Don't sleep with/date a friends ex. Some people don't care. Other people do. Some people will lose their gak if you even so much as think about it. Others won't. There really is no real way to safely figure that out without risking hurt feelings. And just like with rule 1, it goes beyond the person whos ex it is, rarely is a friend an isolated individual. Most social interaction occurs within a circle or circles of social groups with various relationships between their relevant members. Hooking up with a friends ex also risks the ire of your other friends within said cirlce, even if the person whos ex it is turns out to be okay with it.

I've broken both of those rules before, and the outcome was predictable, unfortunate, and would have been entirely avoided if I simply hadn't broken said rules. There really wasnt much to gain by breaking them that I couldn't have found elsewhere, meanwhile there was everything to lose.

Moreover I've watched more than a few of my friends who don't live by these same rules suffer the consequences as a result, both in the past and as a consequence of recent events. Simply put, it aint worth it.

I just realized that my friend was giving me horrible bad advice.
He was saying you cant be nice to girls you want to feth, but you have to talk down to them and be an donkey-cave, not sweet talk
God Im glad I didnt follow that.

Dont feel bad, thats a common misconception amongst guys.... The sad thing is that it actually works a bit too often...

You only just realised that gak is bad advice? How long has he been telling you it?

No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.

Haha oh wow. Class act.

Sounds like one of my roommates freshman year... to nobodies surprise he didn't make it past his third semester before he was kicked out.

I think the misconception is that some guys can get away with being jerks because they're better looking. Even then a lot of those guys i realized tend to shoot lower and for girls that are often crappy choices themselves though you might not realize it. Perhaps even if they get good looking women they're all the worst types of good looking women. You get what you give i guess. Don't worry though as most women dump them fairly quick. I suppose that suits their ego of not being held down by a woman but they probably won't have a lasting meaningful relationship.

You shouldn't be like those people anyway though. I used to live with one. Total douche that stole, drank and drove, escaped responsibility, lied constantly, cheated on one of his exes and with his best friend's ex (though supposedly his best friend was cheating on her too also with friends like that who needs enemies) and was in general a terrible person.

Hold on, 'don't go to class, get someone else to do your work for you' didn't ring any alarm bells? It took them suggesting that you purposefully mistreat other people to make you think that there might be something a little suspect about his 'advice'?

^that

I don't know about you, but if someone acts like a jerk, I tend to draw the conclusion that they are a jerk and go somewhere else. It does not seem logical to fawn over them.

 Ashiraya wrote:
I don't know about you, but if someone acts like a jerk, I tend to draw the conclusion that they are a jerk and go somewhere else. It does not seem logical to fawn over them.

But evolutionary psychology (which is totally a Real Science and not just a way to justify all my existing beliefs) says that women are wired to respond to insults with sex! It's guaranteed to work, just buy my proven system for only $19.99!

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I just realized that my friend was giving me horrible bad advice.
He was saying you cant be nice to girls you want to feth, but you have to talk down to them and be an donkey-cave, not sweet talk
God Im glad I didnt follow that.

Sounds like he learned from that moron "pickup coach" Julien Blanc.

Google him if you haven't heard of him. He is NOT a nice guy.

 Easy E wrote:
If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.

No. On the other hand, I have friends, and I have had some for as long as I can remember. If I never had any, I certainly would be much more anxious about, well, most social interactions. I completely realize that my questions are something an anxious 14 years old would ask, rather than a confident 27 years old. And that does make me feel maladjusted.
I feel lost, I have no idea what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong. I feel like I will stay single all my life, and I feel like a freak.
That is why I am overthinking and asking stupid questions here and all that. Which is stupid because none of you knows me personally, and know the people I am talking about, but somehow I cannot manage to open myself about all this to people without hiding behind a username.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.

Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.

 n0t_u wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.

Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.

oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)

 Rainbow Dash wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.

Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.

oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)

Aimed for a threesome, but still managed to bag one?

 Avatar 720 wrote:

 Rainbow Dash wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.

Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.

oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)

Aimed for a threesome, but still managed to bag one?

Exactly
(saw the other naked in photo form but yeah...not recommended though) lol

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.

No. On the other hand, I have friends, and I have had some for as long as I can remember. If I never had any, I certainly would be much more anxious about, well, most social interactions. I completely realize that my questions are something an anxious 14 years old would ask, rather than a confident 27 years old. And that does make me feel maladjusted.
I feel lost, I have no idea what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong. I feel like I will stay single all my life, and I feel like a freak.
That is why I am overthinking and asking stupid questions here and all that. Which is stupid because none of you knows me personally, and know the people I am talking about, but somehow I cannot manage to open myself about all this to people without hiding behind a username.

Sorry, Hybrid I don't want to come off to harsh. I can understand why you are a bit bent out of shape and just trying to figure it all out. Since you are 27, I don't want to see you make a 14 year old mistake and try to "force" something to happen.

The real trick is that you have to learn how to ask questions in a way that are open ended, and do not logically have yes or no answers. It is a skill that you develop. Generally, your interactions should have follow a question"funnel".

At the top is Open Ended Questions that people actually need to use words to answer. You don;t ask a yes/no question at this stage. You are still trying to create an opportunity to chat and the best way to do that is by asking open ended questions.

Then, you have to genuinely listen to their answer, because what they say in their answers will allow you to ask more questions and prolong the conversation. When it is time to move to asking for the date, you ask questions that only need short answers, but are not Yes/No. Something like this time/that time, this day/that day. this activity/that activity.

When, they confirm one of the choices, you simply state the details and you have reached the bottom of the Funnel.

1. Open-ended Question
2. Listen
3. Clarifying question
4. Listen
5. Choice Question
6. Listen
7. Finalize
8. ????
9. Date Unlocked!

Example:
Hybrid: "My PhD Defense? Sure, what did you want to know about it?"

Her: "How did it go?"

Hybrid: "I would love to tell you more about it. I'm busy now, but let's get together either Wed or Thursday around 7ish at Blank Place and we can talk more there. So which day works better Wed or Thursday?"

Her: "Yeah, neither of those days work for me?"

Hybrid: "Okay well. I'm pretty busy too so I guess either of those days next week can work for me too? You?"

Her: "Yeah, Wednesday I guess."

Hybrid: "Cool, I'll fill you in on my PhD defense then. I got to run so see you then."

Pretty straight forward.

Easy E just gave you gold.