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 the shrouded lord wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).

Well for some it can definitely get you into a lot of trouble and ruin some lives including your own. It is fun having it though.

That said if you don't wish to have sex and don't want to procreate then what's the point of even wanting to have your balls and such. I'd just find it incredibly bothersome to have an extra thing tying me down (no pun intended).

in all seriousness, peeing. also, there are other ways to....I'm not talking about this.

You don't need your balls to pee. Anyway i'm totally fine ending that particular conversation. Sorry if it went a little too far.

I'll say it but

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I'll say it but

Spoiler:

there are...you know...other...uses....for...

Totally confused. PM me if that will bring about closure to this.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
So if someone says they aren't interested in having sex, they're either asexual, or a prude? Seems excessively judgemental.

What's judgmental about it? Are you assuming that "asexual" is some kind of insult instead of just a neutral description of a person's interest in sex? Or are you objecting to using the "prude" label to describe the kind of person (sadly common in gaming/geek communities) who fails at sex and relationships, concludes that they must be incredibly overrated, and wonders why anyone could care about those things?


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).

The point is to have fun. Wondering why people have sex outside of making babies is like wondering why people eat nice food instead of bland mush and nutrient pills.

I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.

But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.

But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?

to be fair I AM delusional.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.

But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?

I don't mind the idea of not wanting it too much but it's just a curious thing for me to NEVER be interested in anything sexually even once without being asexual.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.

I don't see how anyone is treating it as a negative. Questioning how someone who has never had sex can have an informed opinion, or if it's a genuine lack of interest instead of a reaction to failing at sex/dating? Sure. But nobody is saying "if you have a low sex drive then you suck".

Also, the shrouded lord didn't just say "I'm not interested in sex", they said how they hate that relationships are about sex these days and that they don't see any point in it unless you're having kids. That isn't expressing an opinion about their own life, it's being judgmental about what other people are doing.

But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?

This is an advice thread, not a "share your feelings" thread. If people don't want to give or receive advice then they shouldn't be posting here.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).

A direct quote so we don't mince words.

The only bit that seems judgmental is hating how it seems to be the main purpose of relationships these days. 'Seems' meaning it appears to be and he was mentioning it's happening now. He never said he hated those that did it just how it seems to be the main purpose or the supposed purpose. So i'm unsure if it's judgmental.

Either way let's get back on to the dating bit so as to not get this thread locked.

What's been going on in the daily social lives of all you guys? Sorry if it seems to be prying but that's the point of the thread and you don't have to say if you don't want to.

I don't hate anything about it. People are free to do as they please, within reason. I can only speak for my own preferences.

Step 1. Go to Barnes & Noble (preferably) or any small indie book store as a backup
Step 2. Don't be creepy. This is a tough one for us Dakkaites.
Step 3. Say Hi, be nice, introduce yourself. Be genuinely interested but not invasive.
Step 4. Buy her a book.
Step 5. Profit.

This:

 Pyeatt wrote:
Step 2. Don't be creepy. This is a tough one for us Dakkaites.

and this:

Step 3. Say Hi, be nice, introduce yourself. Be genuinely interested but not invasive.
Step 4. Buy her a book.

are kind of a contradiction.

Well, after the new year, there were no interesting programmes in this club i like going, not to mention i was short on money after the Christmas(damn plastic crack )and the other club was temporarily closed... But next weekend i am going with my mates out. Will be sure to post how it went...

Let me check my English understanding. If prude means basically the same thing in English as it is in French, it is not about whether or not you are willing to have sex. Instead, it is more about if you are willing to talk openly about sex, or if you are going to be offended if anything remotely related to sex is being mentioned. Of course, refusing to see or hear anything even remotely related to sex tend to make you not have sex either, but it is not true the other way around.
If the right definition is the same as the French one, then I know firsthand at least one of the “prude” here is definitely not prude at all. Less than me certainly.

Actually, in French, prude is the pejorative word that has the exact same meaning as the supposedly positive chaste. Wiktionary seems to confirm it is the same in English, but I have seen “modesty” used a lot in place of “chastity”. [edit]Or maybe actually modesty is more like the lesser version of chastity that we call “pudeur” in French, and that is mostly about yourself? Like, not showing too much of your body, not talking too much about yourself, rather than not talking about sex in general?[/edit]

 the shrouded lord wrote:
Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).

And you are fourteen, if I recall correctly. So, I would say that this is just perfectly normal. Maybe that will change as you grow older. My advice would be to just keep in mind that you may change yours views on that and that there would be nothing wrong with it, and not worry about it in the meantime. Oh, and by “that”, I mean both recreative sex and procreation.
Do not pressure yourself either way, and keep your mind open.
I may talk a bit from experience there.
And also the only difference between what you do not want to talk about and recreative sex is that in the second case, you are doing that with someone else (or more?). Sharing is caring. I mean it pretty literally here. You can just give someone a good time and receive in return! Keep that in mind for later, should you feel ready for it.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
@Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl: Sorry you couldn't find somebody that might've gone for more than just a 'one night stand'. I was hoping we were on to something.

Hey, do not worry about me, I have this other date on Tuesday with another women that certainly is not looking for a one-night-stand . That is a date I am really looking forward to, to be honest .

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
About how far into it did she tell you she just wanted a 'one night stand'? Was it online or face to face?

Well, her profile did not really scream “looking for a long-term relationship” (I actually wrote a post about it here, and then I removed it before posting). Like for instance, in the OkCupid question system, she had marked some answers I made as bad. Like, for instance, “Will you consider having sex on the first date”, where I answered “no” . Then, during the actual date, we spent about 2 hours talking about random stuff. Though to be honest she did most of the talking. Then we went out to walk a bit, continued to talk about random stuff, got a bit cold, I thought we were going to just split and go home, but then said something like “I cannot figure out if we are going to sleep together tonight”, or something to that effect. That is basically when I understood she had not read through all the OkCupid questions I answered before messaging me, like I do. So I basically explained what she would have learned about me by reading the questions, mostly that I was still a virgin and full of inhibitions and all that. So she asked me if I wanted to do it, and like I said above, she was very kind and respectful, so she really insisted that it would be perfectly okay to say no and that I should not feel pressured to do it. That is when she made it perfectly clear it was going to be a one-night-stand.
(And then stuff, that involved a whole lot of waiting, toilet problems, and a lot of cold. It took us about 2 hours just to reach my place )
So, yeah, very nice person, I am glad I got to share a night with her .

 Easy E wrote:
Now Hybrid, did any of our advice actually help you?

I guess what helped the most was “Register on Tinder”. Even though I actually did not register on Tinder, but on OkCupid instead . That, and be confident, take your chances…
As you have seen above, she really did most of the job .

fifteen turning sixteen, but close enough so as to not be meaningful.
oh, forgot, did you sing "I just had sex" afterwards?
because if not, you probably made the right choice.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
oh, forgot, did you sing "I just had sex" afterwards?

… no. No I did not do that, and I do not intend to ever do it, actually .
I am not sure I should go into the details, you know. But yeah, I do not know what is this thing with supposedly falling asleep immediately afterward, because we spent quite a long time speaking and cuddling after sex, and then we spent some time trying to sleep, and then my roommate was in the bathroom next to my room making what felt like tons of noise, and then it was past 8 o'clock and she had to leave .

Oh, and something else, more serious. If you ever, ever feel like you could not have a good, healthy relationship with someone while also having sex with her(/him/they/whatever), that is not true. I mean, especially if you have the impression that “it is working for others, but that is not for me”. That would be you rationalizing the fact that you are just not ready yet and that would be pretty bad for when you will become ready. You (and I mean “the shrouded lord” you, not some hypothetical general you) CAN have a healthy, respectful relationship with someone, be it a long-time partner or a one-night-stand, and still have sex with them. You do not have to, and should rather not do it before you feel ready, but do not turn it into some kind of taboo or anything like this.
(←we need an unanimated, more serious smiling face in addition to this one)

see again, I'm not saying sex is evil or taboo or anything. I just don't think it should be all there is to a relationship.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
see again, I'm not saying sex is evil or taboo or anything. I just don't think it should be all there is to a relationship.

I don't think anyone is saying that are they? As a statement, it's like saying 'I'm sorry to say this guys, but I really don't think we should eat the poor.'


Well, yeah. Of course not.


There should be (and are) different types of relationships. You can have a relationship with someone that is just about sex, if that's what you both want. Why not? I've done it occasionally. I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.


It's not for everyone, but that's the beauty of life - you are allowed to choose what you want, romantically.


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And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?

 the shrouded lord wrote:
see again, I'm not saying sex is evil or taboo or anything. I just don't think it should be all there is to a relationship.

Well, that was not all you said. You also said “Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).”
I mean, maybe I am wrong, but those two statement, added to the one about me being a good person… you kind of somehow remind me of myself when I was younger, so I am giving you the advice I would give myself . If it is not relevant, just ignore it.

 Albatross wrote:
I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.

Just out of curiosity, is she sometimes the one calling?

 Albatross wrote:
And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?

Yeah! I am really looking forward Tuesday date. I also feel way less pressure and more laid-back. Also, the girl from Wednesday evening did say I “did not realize how good-looking I was”, which is something that is very pleasant to hear . (And that I was hot, too, but that was to be understood literally. She was cold even when I brought her a plaid to add on top of the blanket, and she had to steal my body heat, which for some reason I had plenty of, to warm up. I really did enjoy that .)

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.

Just out of curiosity, is she sometimes the one calling?

Her preferred method of contact is usually to hit me up on facebook, if I'm free. We have no expectations of each other whatsoever, though.

 Albatross wrote:
And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?

Yeah! I am really looking forward Tuesday date. I also feel way less pressure and more laid-back. Also, the girl from Wednesday evening did say I “did not realize how good-looking I was”, which is something that is very pleasant to hear . (And that I was hot, too, but that was to be understood literally. She was cold even when I brought her a plaid to add on top of the blanket, and she had to steal my body heat, which for some reason I had plenty of, to warm up. I really did enjoy that .)

Holy gak, I've created a monster!

Seriously though, It's good to hear your feeling positive man. It just goes to show what a little confidence and the bravery to try new things can do. You'll probably find it start to snowball from here - the more positive you feel, the more good experiences you'll have, which in turn leads to more positivity.

Incidentally, did you go with the new underwear? Weird question to ask another dude, I know....

 Albatross wrote:
Incidentally, did you go with the new underwear? Weird question to ask another dude, I know....

I did use the one lonely underwear I had that was like you said, yes. But I have not bought any new underwear since your advice, though, so I only have one.

Well I am currently saving for when my girlfriend comes to NY from Stockholm in May, can't wait. Anyone know some good date places in the center of NYC?

Also, on the topic of underwear. Bjorn Borg all the way.

http://www.bjornborg.com/us/man

The underwear of champions, the underarmor of Sweden, become a Swedish export today...

Okay, yeah. Sorry, I became an advertisement there. But, I did pick up a few (a lot,) of pairs in Sweden and they're comfy and the lady likes them. Just a suggestion/advice.

Also, apparently I totally hit on hot girls without realizing. Tonight at the gym I hit on a highschooler (which is fine, I just graduated last year myself,) and she liked it. I was hoping my buddy would jump in and hit on her so they would hit it off but, I didn't realize myself I was smooth talking her until he told me outside that I had been doing so.

I've had this problem since high school, I don't realize when I am hitting on someone, and when I am sincerely trying to I come across as a try hard. But, when it is natural and I'm not thinking, apparently I am really slick without meaning it.

I don't like this as I have an amazing girlfriend and I want to eventually marry her, and I am outstandingly against cheating. It's just when I find someone I don't dislike the conversation flows so smoothly. I feel really bad about it now but, I thought I was getting her interested in my friend when she was interested in me.

I know am a overthinker to, so I think that is what screws me. (Really messed with me in the service, I had to learn how "to just do it.")

I think next time I go I will give her my friends number and make up for involuntarily stealing the show tonight.

Also, got a speeding ticket. Maybe it is karma for earlier? Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.

I just go Calvin Klein trunks as Kamloops doesn't seem to carry any boxers of that brand, but Bjorn Borg brand is way too flamboyant and tacky for my tastes.

See I would agree but, Born also has plain black and white ones. I get those, along with teal ones.

I dislike calvin Klein as they had Justin Beiber model for them and bad memories.

Growing up as a teenager I was dangerously skinning and whatnot, so family members tried to make suggestions for me to model for them repeatedly (which was really hiding the fact they were mocking my weight, of which I had no control at the time until that list bit of puberty kicked in.) So yeah, CK can go feth itself.

That's like the most superficial reasons to hate something, the Beiber thing is just bandwagoning in hopes of getting more money which is to be expected from corporations and the weight thing has to do with your family's sense of humour (or lack there of), that being said Bjorn Borg most

likely doesn't exist in Kamloops so I probably couldn't try even if I wanted to.

Eh I don't hate it but, yeah. Maybe it was a bit superficial.

I guess you could order but you have access to Underarmor which is the same thing.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
fifteen turning sixteen, but close enough so as to not be meaningful.
oh, forgot, did you sing "I just had sex" afterwards?
because if not, you probably made the right choice.

I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that. The new and improved Hybrid has better stats.

 Stormwall wrote:
Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.

Thanks .

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that.

I would have freaked out a lot. And in this specific case, I guess it would have freaked her out too because that is not exactly the normal procedure .
It would be worse on the third time, though. Because glowing yellow pubic hair are something you can at least hide in your pants, but super-long glowing yellow pubic hair?

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Stormwall wrote:
Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.

Thanks .

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that.

I would have freaked out a lot. And in this specific case, I guess it would have freaked her out too because that is not exactly the normal procedure .
It would be worse on the third time, though. Because glowing yellow pubic hair are something you can at least hide in your pants, but super-long glowing yellow pubic hair?

repunzal from tangled had a similar problem.

This is going weird places, guys...