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Just returned home from my local night club, i was chatting with my friend with these 2 cute girls for like 2 hours, then:
never was i so mad at myself, because i could talk with over 9000 other girls that were there, but i decided to fight against the windmills, and to make impossible happen... Did any of you dakkanauts ended up in a similar situation?
(Note: I am NOT A homophobic person, nor should this post be regarded as homophobic, i am just telling that, as a straight person, i feel frustrated for trying to flirt with a homosexual girls couple, and now is the time for me to ask questions: how does one avoid such a situation)

Ok I've got something.
I think, I think my relationship with my girlfriend has been an experiment.
I mean, I had a "girlfriend" in like grade 3 but since then before now I haven't. now, going in to grade eleven, with all of my subjects messed up, and my dream to join the army hinging on my ability to lose weight (I'm working on it, I've vomited nearly every time I train) combined with wether they accept my low-level epilepsy (haven't seized since I was a kid) and the fact that I have absolutely no kind of sexual attraction or desire to hold hands/hug/kiss, I think I might not be ready for a relationship. And if my life goes to gak like it's been threatening to for the last few months, I don't want to drag her down with me.I'
just yesterday I had a small mental breakdown and locked myself in my cupboard for about three hours.
I'm not one for usually dragging y problems onto the internet unless they are directly related to the topic) but I think I might have to consider ending it, at least until I know wether or not my life is gong where I want it to.

Ok, Screw tinder, hookers and spam bots.

Also, Side note, remember how I said I had a group of friends that never invited me anywhere, well I found a new one and we went out three times the last three days.

ThatSwellFella wrote:
how does one avoid such a situation)

If your entire goal is finding someone for sex and/or dating then don't spend two hours talking to someone before you make an explicit move in that direction. If you get into a long conversation like that then you accept the risk of spending that time on someone who has already decided that they're not interested in anything besides talking at a bar.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
Ok I've got something.
I think, I think my relationship with my girlfriend has been an experiment.
I mean, I had a "girlfriend" in like grade 3 but since then before now I haven't. now, going in to grade eleven, with all of my subjects messed up, and my dream to join the army hinging on my ability to lose weight (I'm working on it, I've vomited nearly every time I train) combined with wether they accept my low-level epilepsy (haven't seized since I was a kid) and the fact that I have absolutely no kind of sexual attraction or desire to hold hands/hug/kiss, I think I might not be ready for a relationship. And if my life goes to gak like it's been threatening to for the last few months, I don't want to drag her down with me.I'
just yesterday I had a small mental breakdown and locked myself in my cupboard for about three hours.
I'm not one for usually dragging y problems onto the internet unless they are directly related to the topic) but I think I might have to consider ending it, at least until I know wether or not my life is gong where I want it to.

Speaking of your mental breakdown, I've had like REALLY big problems with apathy the year before(My grades went to , i wasn't caring at all, didn't wanted to go out, all i was doing were 40k and vidya gaems)... How did i got out?
Well, not like it's guaranteed to work on you, but i got my hands on Slayer's Divine intervention album, really liked how they sounded, but i still didn't cared about anything except 40k vidya gaems and now slayer. Then my friend told me about this night club, They had Thrash metal tribute(Slayer, Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax). The only reason i went was slayer(and him being an annoying hat who won't leave me alone, i am grateful for his efforts now). There when my now ex GF approached me and we started talking and ultimately made out, i suddenly felt alive again. It was the last week of school, and in that week i managed to fix grades on;2 languages, math, physics and history. The average on my marks on the end of the school year went from 2.9(something like D+) to 3.6( B-).
NOW, THE TL;DR VERSION OF THE ADVICE: If i were you I say, you GOTTA live a bit, go out with your girlfriend somewhere, talk to her about your problems(but i would try not to mentioning your lack of desire to hug and kiss, atleast at the moment). I recall you were 15,16 right? I also remember that was the time my attitude about Platonic love changed I know you find no desire to do so, but unless you find that gross, try to get over your ideals and kiss her from time to time. It is what woke me up from my apathy, perhaps it should do the same with your anxiety? Very likely, since the mindset '' I know someone will back me up'' > '' I know i am atleast not pulling everyone with myself into world of '' Just my 2 cents, you decide what to do

This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.

My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance

I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).

Ugh, I was doing really well for around 2 weeks, and then, sleep deprivation and a high stress day of AP chem, calc, and physics tests, We had a spanish dialog that day and I had an almost mental breakdown and completely forgot almost all the lines, as well as letting a fruedian slip go, making myself look like an (seriously though, how do they expect you to do a casual conversation with 40 eyes watching, I can't do that in english) I think there is something wrong with me, because I have 2 week periods of doing really well, and then I am apathetic for 2 weeks, and then I have to bring my grades back up in the next two weeks.

OK, dakka, here's a few questions.
Number one, what do you think the optimal time is for ust meeting to asking out is?
Number two is sort of weird, There is this lesbian couple in a class I aid for, and one of the girls often stares at me. I often play chess on my phone, and the screen is reflective enough that I can see at a wide angle behind me. WTF?

Also, several guys mentioned heavy set being a problem- When does it become a problem? I am at 6' 1" and weigh about 165 to 185 depending on the season. So I am a little husky but not very? Does it matter?

If you're 6'1" and between 165 and 185 you are hardly husky... I'm 6'0" and in that same weight range and have a 30" waist, which is considered thin.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ok, Screw tinder, hookers and spam bots.

You will learn to spot them after a while. And don't give up so easily. It will take a while to get good matches. To maximise the matches you get be sure that your photos are as mint as possible. If anything tinder will help your banter game massively.

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ok, Screw tinder, hookers and spam bots.

You will learn to spot them after a while. And don't give up so easily. It will take a while to get good matches. To maximise the matches you get be sure that your photos are as mint as possible. If anything tinder will help your banter game massively.

I love how British you sound these days!


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Melcavuk wrote:
This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.

My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance

I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).

Go back to the start of the the thread, man. I started this thread coming off the back of a 9-year relationship at age 31.

 Melcavuk wrote:
This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.

My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance

I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).

As much as this sucks, feels awkward, and can be painful you must allow yourself to be vulnerable and uncomfortable again.

 Albatross wrote:


I love how British you sound these days!

Dang! I am actively trying to not sound British. Sounding 'American'....It's a big boon with the British ladies that I don't want to lose!

There's an alternative to this now, apparently.

I wouldn't use it, and personally find it horrifying. But it seemed relevant.

 Barksdale wrote:

 Albatross wrote:


I love how British you sound these days!

Dang! I am actively trying to not sound British. Sounding 'American'....It's a big boon with the British ladies that I don't want to lose!

Just punch them in the stomach, show them your bald eagle tattoo, then throw them across the back of your Harley: Sorted.

Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me

I think she's into you. If somebody is interested they'll show it. She sits next to you. Was that her doing? Also she smiles at you so she must find you pleasing to be around at least.

She may have somebody but if not then she probably at the very least likes you. You should go find out.

I mean, when we first met, we spoke for an hour....
Maybe I will invite her to study for class.

Yes, that is a good strategy.

I mean, we are both in the same classes that are having midterms next week
Lol, and if it isn't true, then I I'll still get some help in a class I'm studying for, lol

So apparently now some women are sending me messages on OkCupid saying nothing but “Hi!” or “Hello ”. And not bots, real human beings that are able to pass the Turing test, as far as I am concerned.
Yet I have tons of things on my profile that could be used as conversation hooks.
Apparently I am not the only one that is bad at starting conversations .

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me

i don't tell, i simply trust my instinct... from what you said, she is DEFINITELY into you. Think of it: would you act in that way to a girl you DON'T fancy? But yeah, your idea is a win-win either way, go for it, may the force be with you
@Hybrid: yeah, that is the hardest part with me as well, but thankfully i have learned to suck it up and approach nonetheless, i have realized when hanging out, the simplest openers are the best, not like the girl is going to eat you or something...

So i asked for a study session. Even if not, i can make a new friend to study with AND who is in my major....
Oh...that has me thinking.........I need to start thinking of my thesis paper.....

ThatSwellFella wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me

not like the girl is going to eat you or something...

Haha maybe not at first ;P.

 Barksdale wrote:

 Albatross wrote:


I love how British you sound these days!

Dang! I am actively trying to not sound British. Sounding 'American'....It's a big boon with the British ladies that I don't want to lose!

It's cool though. :/
Guess it's just how common it is.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
So i asked for a study session. Even if not, i can make a new friend to study with AND who is in my major....
Oh...that has me thinking.........I need to start thinking of my thesis paper.....

This is actually a pretty good way to go about it in my opinion. Always nice to end up with a new friend anyways.

Personally it's really hard for me to be just friends with girls my own age. I know what you guys said but for both parties to agree it's a mutual friendship without one person wanting more seems a little hard for me to understand. I mean if i like being with somebody enough to be their friend then chances are i'd probably date them (long as they're the opposite sex). That said women which aren't into men might be a bit of a loophole in this for me as well as female family members obviously.

Ok, so one thing. Again, she sat right next to me. Kept looking at me during the first part of class.
And she smiled, like ear to ear when I asked, matter of factually,if she wanted to study together. And giggled, not laughed, giggled.

Yeah, your in there hot sauce.

I guess hotsuace is going to have a new meaning now.

Well i heard some french girl on some warhammer gaming area really likes me from one of her dude friends. Not sure if he was joking. Her friends do that with each other a lot. I'm not even sure what she looks like and sometimes she's a little weird but she's nice so that's good. I dunno i might talk to her more if she's interested at least. Maybe in time get a picture of her. I showed her and her friends what i look like. I think this thread has some of my pictures some pages back.

Here we go.




I'm the one at the top in the 2nd pic.

Still, I may be looking into things that are not there.