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Hello there everyone

I want to ask you guys a question that I've been meaning to ask for a long while, but have constantly put it on hold, on the curtosy of my laziness and forgetfulness :3


For the last months, I have been suffering from depression, mild to regular strength. I had it coming for some time, and could feel how I grew increasingly more stale and cold about anything I did, to the extend that I barely cared for the High School exams, and after HS ended, I just went fukken down. I'm seeing a psychologist and everything is going very swell now, but it has left me with a lot of ideas and thoughts, and left me to find out about some stuff I'd forgotten about myself.

See, I live in Denmark, everybodies' favourite barely-communist state. I've had a happy life, bar a few slippages here and there, and now I'm 19 and should be at my peak... Except I don't feel like it. At my age, most people have found some people they hang out with the most, people they are comfortable with and who the share interests with, but I don't. I never hang out with people (as in, stays at someone's place and relaxing, gaming or whatever), and I'm not a great fan of drinking, so that particular national sport is lost on me.

I've realised that I am, at heart, a gamer, and I love console games, especially multiplayer couch games, alongside many other PC games. I like painting and playing 40k, as a side-interest, and I love comedy, musicals and the sort... But for some reason, I just don't know anyone else who are like me on any of those things. Sure, I have friends who I play TT with, and most people game nowadays, but I know nobody who'd be even remotely interested in sitting down and playing Mario party or something like that. Most people would rather compete in how raunchy and/or cool they can be, forever going to parties to drink (as in, the goal of most parties is to get mad drunk, not talking or getting to know each other) and working to get money for said parties. If I asked someone over to hang out, and I have, people err and avoid it in any way possible, like it's just not the thing to do with your friends. I barely fukken talk with most people - Not about anything serious or simple, nothing.

And that's where the US comes in.

I've been wondering about the US, and how it is to live there. Though that might be a scewed viewpoint, I watch a lot of american webshows, and damnit if they don't give off the idea that my interest, or my demeanour and interests in general, is more represented across the Atlantic than it is here in Denmark. Granted, I live in Northen Jutland, which is the danish equivelant of Texas but with less guns and more same-sex marriages, but still, I feel like what I see if the US is more... Varied. Or at least fits me better. It makes me want to go there, to live and there and be a part of the culture instead.

So, my actual question is this: Can any americans, preferably californians try and give me a feel of how it is to live in your country? I know it might be tough to compare, but I just need to know if I'm right in thinking that my interests (hanging out with your friends, playing games together and similar) are more common in the US than it is in Denmark. Conversely, can any danes or scandinavians try and give their view on the situation? (Maybe I've just been unlucky and have grown up with few people that feel like I do, so other perspectives on the matter would be nice).


Sorry for the rant; I hope a few peeps will answer regardless :3

I'll await your answers

There are a lot of gamers here, probably not in terms of ratio but in numbers definitely.

What you're looking for is a very, very local situation. California is a very large state - you can drop all of Denmark into it nearly 10 times, spacewise. So looking for a community of gamers by state is really too big of a scale; there will be vast deserts (both figuratively and literally in the case) of local gaming scenes.

I think you need to dial it down to a specific city, and then start looking for areas to game. Oakland is a lot different than, say, San Diego in many ways. Then arrange for a visit, extended if possible, so you can see what it's like. My wife lived in California for a while, and she liked it... but she didn't love it, the way she did Hawaii. Of course, living in Hawaii has it's own set of problems.

Also, you should probably know, immigrating to the US is very difficult. It takes years, a lot of money, and a lot of bureaucracy. If you truly want to live here, then great, but if it's just for a gaming scene I think it would be both less money and less effort to simply build a network locally.

As a side note, the first parts of your post seem to indicate issues that don't have geographic solutions. If you're deeply unhappy, you may want to try speaking with a professional first. Sure, it might not help, but... what if it did? What do you have to lose by trying?

May I ask why California? I have some family that lives there and I get the impression its mostly a horrid place to live if your not in the northern part of it. Unless of course you enjoy natural disasters and such.

Having never actually lived anywhere but the US (spent a lot of time in Canada and a little in Afghanaland) I would say it is a fairly confusing place. Each state is part of the same culture yet weirdly different at the same time.

However, people are people so with some twists I think I can say with some confidence that America at its base level probably isn't too different from your home people wise. Except you will probably have to work harder to get less in America as there is less in the way of public safety nets.I could imagine if you came to the US without a job lined up, there is a good chance you would be homeless pretty quick and likely to never climb out of it.

The oddest thing I can probably say at this moment off the top of my head is this: the safest way to move to America and become 'American' is enlist or commission in one of the branches of the military. You will gain citizenship within a year (maybe faster or slightly slower), you will become a 'gold star' American, have a job that will take care of you (in a round about way) and gain friends because the military is stuffed with nerds (met the general of the 1st Infantry Division while playing 40k lol).

Better yet save you money and take a vacation and either run screaming home or secretly stay (I hear that is a problem these days lol). You are a western European so you can move through out the US with little to no issues.

 BrotherGecko wrote:
May I ask why California? I have some family that lives there and I get the impression its mostly a horrid place to live if your not in the northern part of it. Unless of course you enjoy natural disasters and such.

Natural disasters are a bit overblown. They really don't happen often. Really CA is a nice place, it'd be perfect if it wasn't for the people, but thats just the conservative in me talking.

The general impression I get of America is that it's an awesome place to live if you're at least upper middle class.

Otherwise you're completely stuffed..

Or just wait until you find a girlfriend and get settled. You are just out of high school, that is a bit early to be thinking about immigration, no? At least you should first complete your studies and have lots of money before you move. Also I don't think it will solve your problems.
It sounds like what you need is a few really good friends. The only way to get friends is by getting of your couch, going out and meeting them. It sounds much more simple than it is, but if everyone else can do it you can too.
If there really is no one in your city who shares your interests (which I doubt), you should think about moving to a bigger city in Denmark. Maybe you can study in Copenhagen? Surely there will be lots of people with similar interests as you there.


All I know from life in the US comes either from American television or relatives which makes me think life there is great with lots of freedom and really friendly people as long as you avoid all the crazies and the government. On the other hand, Russian television teaches me that life in the US is an absolute nightmare where you are constantly watched by the government, everyone and everything is trying to exploit you, people only care about themselves and their money and if you fall by the wayside due to some misfortune, people are more likely to kick you down further rather than help you up. No one cares for you unless you give them money. Oh and the police is actively trying to murder you.
I suspect Russian televison may not be showing the whole picture...
Overall I get the impression there is much worse places to live than the US, but that Canada is better.

Also, what Brother Gecko said about the military, may be a good tip. My cousin was in a very similar situation as you are, but when he was conscripted for his mandatory service, he met some really great friends with the same interests in the army. It really seems militaries are full of nerds
And at the very least military service will give you a useful thing to do and teach you usefull skills and discipline for your life. If you don't have a study to follow or don't know what to do with your life, it may be something you can consider.

 Compel wrote:
The general impression I get of America is that it's an awesome place to live if you're at least upper middle class.

I imagine almost any first world nation is pretty decent to live in as an upper middle class.

As someone who grew up fairly poor in America, it's not terrible. I don't think back on my childhood as miserable. You'd be surprised just how badly you get screwed and from how many different angles - being poor is super expensive - but it's not the Hunger Games either.

My understanding is that Utah has the most gamers in relation to population in the U.S. Going by the number of game stores within 20 minutes or less from where I live(6) I can believe it.

Ouze wrote:

 Compel wrote:
The general impression I get of America is that it's an awesome place to live if you're at least upper middle class.

I imagine almost any first world nation is pretty decent to live in as an upper middle class.

As someone who grew up fairly poor in America, it's not terrible. I don't think back on my childhood as miserable. You'd be surprised just how badly you get screwed and from how many different angles - being poor is super expensive - but it's not the Hunger Games either.

I grew up on the butt end of poor too and while it wasn't awesome its better than a lot of places out there. You can escape poverty but it takes a lot of willpower. In my neck of the woods the difference between poverty and middle class is not much income wise lol.

Relapse wrote:My understanding is that Utah has the most gamers in relation to population in the U.S. Going by the number of game stores within 20 minutes or less from where I live(6) I can believe it.

Michigan is pretty legit with gaming. The game stores are all pretty large and there is a gamestop every 2ish miles lol.

One thing to keep in mind is that you will need a vehicle to get around here, unless you live in a large inner city area. Most places you'll go will be spread out across a fairly large distances. So unless you move to inner city LA or NY you'll have to get a car, or get by with a bike.

This may be MY Bias, But The Bay Certainly is one of the betters in thems of gaming cause of BART
Most Game store are a block or two from it.

That certainly helps if its available.

 Grey Templar wrote:
That certainly helps if its available.

It runs pretty late.
And with the new extension in 4(?) years it can litarally take you 30minutes to get to San Jose

 Grey Templar wrote:
One thing to keep in mind is that you will need a vehicle to get around here, unless you live in a large inner city area. Most places you'll go will be spread out across a fairly large distances. So unless you move to inner city LA or NY you'll have to get a car, or get by with a bike.

Speaking as someone who lives in LA you need a car pretty much wherever you live. The public transit system is terrible and everything is spread out.

Thanks for your answers

I think I gotta clean up some confusion first of all: I have friends. Quite a lot, in fact; I'm wellknown for being a polite, chamring and outrovert youth with great ideas and a positive mindset, and I generally am positively accepted by any and all I know (of what I know of, anyway ). My issue (if it even is an issue) is that I don't feel the cozy laidback sorta friendship is thing in Denmark. It might be where I live, it might be something cultural, but hanging out at each other's place isn't something most people do, not from what I've seen. That's what I want, and strive to do with others, and my impression was that that was a thing elsewhere in the world.

Also, I am seeing a professional regarding my mental health. It is working out great and I'm on my way to be better and come back to the old me in a steady manner

It's mostly a social thing, and experiment of mine, if you will: I know my economical situation is much better set in Denmark, and that immigrating to the US isn't really the smartest move right now. My thoughts were generally indpendent of that, actually; I just kind of wanted to hear if the way people are social is different where I live compared to other countries.

A good example could be the simple act of cheering people on, or complimenting people: We don't do that where I live. It's a cultural thing, something ancient really, but unless we are very close, we rarely say anything positive about each others' capabilities, and rather use snark and other means of putting each other down. "You're no better than the rest of us" is a cultural catchphrase that way. So, I wonder: Is that something that happens elsewhere in the world? Likewise, is local multiplayer gaming, Nintendo and stuff like that seen as childish and not worth the time, the way my culture does it?

Really your economic situation is only better if you're on the bottom end of economic classes and don't have any valuable skills.

If you've got marketable skills and good people skills you can find a well paying job in the US.

I reckon you should at least pursue any tertiary education in Denmark. That way you will not be saddled with a gigantic debt for the rest of your life.

And if you do move to the States, the higher wages will be all yours instead of being paid back into the loan system.

(I've never lived in the States though, so I can't give you proper advice! Denmark is a lovely country though- maybe you should consider moving to a less rural part of Denmark first. Copenhagen is a fantastic city.)

Everyone laughs that "The American Dream is dead" but its really alive. Just temper expectations. Dont think you are gonna get a great job right away, you may have to work yourself up the ladder.
Atleast thats what all my college grad friends say

Relapse wrote:
My understanding is that Utah has the most gamers in relation to population in the U.S. Going by the number of game stores within 20 minutes or less from where I live(6) I can believe it.

As a fellow Utah-ite, I can attest to this. Most of the population of Utah is stuffed in the middle. Within 20 minutes of my house (driving) I have at least 5 gaming stores.

However, one fundamental flaw in your post, OP. 19 is not the peak of your life. You're still basically a kid. (Not an insult) You have your entire life in front of you. I joined the Army at age 20, but that was to pay for college where I studied art and history. I thought I wanted to be an artist. But as I went on, I realized that I loved writing more and now I'm a published author. (My new book just came out this week.) Find what are you passionate about and find a way to make money from it.
I've lived in Italy, Mexico and Japan. I LOVED living in Italy and Japan. They were both amazing in very different ways.
Yet I always came back to America. Maybe its that spirit of the founding fathers. Maybe its buffalo burgers. Maybe its my gun collection. Don't know.
That said, I really didn't like anything about LA. Worst city I've been to. Well, OK, Baghdad was worse, but it did have less traffic.

 The Wise Dane wrote:
Hello there everyone

I want to ask you guys a question that I've been meaning to ask for a long while, but have constantly put it on hold, on the curtosy of my laziness and forgetfulness :3


For the last months, I have been suffering from depression, mild to regular strength. I had it coming for some time, and could feel how I grew increasingly more stale and cold about anything I did, to the extend that I barely cared for the High School exams, and after HS ended, I just went fukken down. I'm seeing a psychologist and everything is going very swell now, but it has left me with a lot of ideas and thoughts, and left me to find out about some stuff I'd forgotten about myself.

See, I live in Denmark, everybodies' favourite barely-communist state. I've had a happy life, bar a few slippages here and there, and now I'm 19 and should be at my peak... Except I don't feel like it. At my age, most people have found some people they hang out with the most, people they are comfortable with and who the share interests with, but I don't. I never hang out with people (as in, stays at someone's place and relaxing, gaming or whatever), and I'm not a great fan of drinking, so that particular national sport is lost on me.

I've realised that I am, at heart, a gamer, and I love console games, especially multiplayer couch games, alongside many other PC games. I like painting and playing 40k, as a side-interest, and I love comedy, musicals and the sort... But for some reason, I just don't know anyone else who are like me on any of those things. Sure, I have friends who I play TT with, and most people game nowadays, but I know nobody who'd be even remotely interested in sitting down and playing Mario party or something like that. Most people would rather compete in how raunchy and/or cool they can be, forever going to parties to drink (as in, the goal of most parties is to get mad drunk, not talking or getting to know each other) and working to get money for said parties. If I asked someone over to hang out, and I have, people err and avoid it in any way possible, like it's just not the thing to do with your friends. I barely fukken talk with most people - Not about anything serious or simple, nothing.

And that's where the US comes in.

I've been wondering about the US, and how it is to live there. Though that might be a scewed viewpoint, I watch a lot of american webshows, and damnit if they don't give off the idea that my interest, or my demeanour and interests in general, is more represented across the Atlantic than it is here in Denmark. Granted, I live in Northen Jutland, which is the danish equivelant of Texas but with less guns and more same-sex marriages, but still, I feel like what I see if the US is more... Varied. Or at least fits me better. It makes me want to go there, to live and there and be a part of the culture instead.

So, my actual question is this: Can any americans, preferably californians try and give me a feel of how it is to live in your country? I know it might be tough to compare, but I just need to know if I'm right in thinking that my interests (hanging out with your friends, playing games together and similar) are more common in the US than it is in Denmark. Conversely, can any danes or scandinavians try and give their view on the situation? (Maybe I've just been unlucky and have grown up with few people that feel like I do, so other perspectives on the matter would be nice).


Sorry for the rant; I hope a few peeps will answer regardless :3

I'll await your answers

I'm not sure how well I can compare to where you live now as I've never been there, however having lived in California most of my life, I can expand on that some.

As others have noted, California is *huge*. However, it's also got a smaller population than European nations of similar size. What it does have is a few very large cities with very large populations and lots of empty space. If you're north of San Francisco/Sacramento, you're almost in a different state and it's mostly smaller towns and farmland until you get to northern Oregon. CA is basically a couple of different "megaregions" around the major cities, and they're very expensive to live in.

You have Southern California as one of these "megaregions", stretching from the northern LA/Santa Barbara down to San Diego and the border with Mexico (and in some cases can include Tijuana as well). Public transportation is nonexistent, housing is expensive, and you need a car to do literally anything (expect to drive ~200-300 miles a week), and traffic, particularly in LA, is constant and grinding. Great weather, some awesome things like the beach and many tourist attractions, Comic-Con in San Diego every year, and some other stuff. However, in terms of actual gaming stuff, ti's not actually as popular as you might think, I think San Diego has like maybe half a dozen game stores of note? Maybe two or three that actually have meaningful tabletop mini's gaming groups? LA is somewhat similar. Your cheapest rent on a dingy one-bedroom apartment is probably going to be in the $1200/month area, and you're more likely going to be looking at ~$1800-2000/month in most places.


The other "megaregion" is the "Bay Area". San Francisco, San Jose, Oakland, Berkeley, etc. Public transportation here is somewhat more existent but still not particularly stellar, and it's even more expensive to live in than Southern California. There's a bit more "nerd" type stuff in this area, and one of the largest 40k events anywhere is held here, and it's basically the tech-capitol of the world.

In both areas, outside of "downtowns" they basically start to shut down rapidly after about 8pm or so, being mostly dead except for bars after about 10. CA is surprisingly not a terribly "all night-er" type place. There are exceptions of course, but I've found most places in Europe and some places elsewhere in the US tend to have a lot of things stay open a lot longer than a lot of things in say, San Diego. You definitely don't have many clubs open until 4 or 5 am the way you do in Europe, they're mostly down by 2 or 3am.

Outside of these places, there's not much to California that anyone would probably really recognize, there's the central valley which has the state capitol Sacramento, but there's not terribly much else. Lots of agriculture, mountains, and desert.

Salt Lake has a huge Comic-con as well.

Well, I did always have a dream of doing some sort of comedy, just as a small side thing, and I've thought about how to do that the last weeks, so I might just go forth with that

What I mean by "at the peak of my life" is that there can be a lot expected off people of my age. I'm not very resilient to stuff like that I'm afraid, so when I see countless ads, posts and shows that perpetuate that this age I'm in right now is best one ever, I tend to take it for granted that that's the truth. Doesn't fukken help when a lot of people at my age actually believes so, so I can't actually ignore it.

But I see where you're getting at, and it's a thought I've had myself once or twice - It's just an annoying time to be in. Younger than my age, you're going through High School. Older than me, you're establishing a home and educating yourself seriously. My age? feth-all.

I think i got lost in all the posts here, and no longer understand what it is you're after now OP.

But if it's any help, Greenland is easily accessible for you and is a wonderful place. Small friendly towns and people regularly hang out together there.

I also spent 3 months months in the US (longest time available without a visa), and it's a weird place imho. I find Australians are way more like British than any American, although Canadians are different again.

As for hanging out, i haven't had a friend round my house in probably 5 years. And rarely to other people's houses, only ever to play on their DJ decks. But i do sport and work, so after that i have little time for gaming of the 40k snd video type. I regularly ride my bike alone too, sport is unlike anything else, it's an escape, stress release, fun, achieving, competitive, friendly, and healthy. I would drop everything to remain doing it, even if it was always alone. It's always set me straight when i've felt lost, even backpacking alone doesn't compare. But not evrryone is the outdoor type...

Hopefully that helps?

 MWHistorian wrote:
Salt Lake has a huge Comic-con as well.

They just had the second one of the year last week.

Relapse wrote:

 MWHistorian wrote:
Salt Lake has a huge Comic-con as well.

They just had the second one of the year last week.

I was there!

First off, asking Californians what life is like in America (writ large) is a bad idea. This state is in no way representative of the rest of the nation. It is FAR more segregated (yes you read that right) than even the Deep South. The social policy is ludicrous, at best, and to top it all off there is a serious sense of moral superiority to the rest of the nation. I guess in that last bit it IS representative of a certain part of the American zeitgeist.

But anyway. Largely America is a great place to live, as long as you avoid the urban centers.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Grey Templar wrote:

 BrotherGecko wrote:
May I ask why California? I have some family that lives there and I get the impression its mostly a horrid place to live if your not in the northern part of it. Unless of course you enjoy natural disasters and such.

Natural disasters are a bit overblown. They really don't happen often. Really CA is a nice place, it'd be perfect if it wasn't for the people, but thats just the conservative in me talking.

Massive earthquakes every decade or so, wildfires every single year, obscene amounts of criminal violence, a drought that is on par with biblical stuff......yeah. Overblown, yo.

 The Wise Dane wrote:
Thanks for your answers

I think I gotta clean up some confusion first of all: I have friends. Quite a lot, in fact; I'm wellknown for being a polite, chamring and outrovert youth with great ideas and a positive mindset, and I generally am positively accepted by any and all I know (of what I know of, anyway ). My issue (if it even is an issue) is that I don't feel the cozy laidback sorta friendship is thing in Denmark. It might be where I live, it might be something cultural, but hanging out at each other's place isn't something most people do, not from what I've seen. That's what I want, and strive to do with others, and my impression was that that was a thing elsewhere in the world.

Also, I am seeing a professional regarding my mental health. It is working out great and I'm on my way to be better and come back to the old me in a steady manner

It's mostly a social thing, and experiment of mine, if you will: I know my economical situation is much better set in Denmark, and that immigrating to the US isn't really the smartest move right now. My thoughts were generally indpendent of that, actually; I just kind of wanted to hear if the way people are social is different where I live compared to other countries.

A good example could be the simple act of cheering people on, or complimenting people: We don't do that where I live. It's a cultural thing, something ancient really, but unless we are very close, we rarely say anything positive about each others' capabilities, and rather use snark and other means of putting each other down. "You're no better than the rest of us" is a cultural catchphrase that way. So, I wonder: Is that something that happens elsewhere in the world? Likewise, is local multiplayer gaming, Nintendo and stuff like that seen as childish and not worth the time, the way my culture does it?

Denmark and the Netherlands are really similar in that way (and in many others too). It probably has something to do with the protestant cultural tradition.

But if it is just the germanic protestant attitudes you have a problem with, there is plenty of places you can go that are easier to immigrate to than the US. Within the EU there is all kinds of great international study programs. Maybe you could try one of those and see how you like the change? It might help you make up your mind about whether you really want to emigrate.

The way people interact and socialise with each other is different from nation to nation. I could write entire pages about how interacting with Russians is hugely different from interacting with Western Europeans. The larger the cultural differences, the more different is interaction. It sounds like you need to travel and find out what culture really fits with your expectations. In the Netherlands, plenty of people take a year off after they finish high school to travel the world. I don't know your situation with money and study/work and so, but maybe travelling is something you could do?

 Peter Wiggin wrote:

Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Grey Templar wrote:

 BrotherGecko wrote:
May I ask why California? I have some family that lives there and I get the impression its mostly a horrid place to live if your not in the northern part of it. Unless of course you enjoy natural disasters and such.

Natural disasters are a bit overblown. They really don't happen often. Really CA is a nice place, it'd be perfect if it wasn't for the people, but thats just the conservative in me talking.

Massive earthquakes every decade or so, wildfires every single year, obscene amounts of criminal violence, a drought that is on par with biblical stuff......yeah. Overblown, yo.

As someone who has been in some of these "major" earthquakes I can tell you they really aren't that bad, maybe a dozen people get minor injuries and then its forgotten within the month. We get a truly bad one maybe every 120 years.

As for wildfires, yeah those can be bad. But they're only truly terrible because of the recent droughts. And unless you live out in the boonies its not a huge concern.

As for criminal violence, thats Fresno and parts of LA. If you are in one of the smaller urban areas you're fine.

 Compel wrote:
The general impression I get of America is that it's an awesome place to live if you're at least upper middle class.

Otherwise you're completely stuffed..

This is complete bull. We have become such a welfare state that the 'poor' have cars, big screens, smart phones and the latest console games for their numerous children. Trust me. I know more than my fare share.