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The Apple

What if a Chick Tract was also The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

What if The Devil’s Advocate was a camp masterpiece?

What if you saw an actual, actual, actual Vampiiiiiiiiiiire?



Behold the dystopian terror of far-off 1994! A world ruled by Satan’s own music label will seduce the souls of two folk singers from Moose Jaw. See the ridiculous costumes! Hear the terrible music! Witness the least sexy choreographed coitus put on film! Boggle at the worst-executed Deus Ex Machina in pop culture!


But seriously, check out the future car designs, especially if you’re a Simpsons fan.


This movie has to be seen to be believed. It’s so bad it’s awesome. It’s like everyone involved was on SPEEEEEEED.


The best TLDR review I’ve seen: “God defeats Disco”.

 StudentOfEtherium wrote:
also also watched Hundreds of Beavers (thanks for the recommendation btw!). incredible movie. it needs to be seen to be believed. it is simultaneously a live action cartoon and a video game that you watch instead of play. there is nothing else like this, and never could be

I hope it opens a door to a whole lot more low budget, creatively bonkers movies.


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And putting Love and Pop on the list.

rewatched Casting Blossoms to the Sky. remains an absolutely gorgeous film. even better the second time. one of the most beautiful depictions of grief and recovery ever set to film

It’s Mad Doc’s Monkey* Madness! Today, I binge the modern Planet of the Apes movies.

Beginning with….Rise of the Planet of the Apes

This is an alright film. Whilst the CGI hasn’t aged especially well (there’s a definite odd weightlessness to things), the mo-cap performances are all superb.

The plot is also interesting enough. However, Tom Felton’s delivery of the “damned dirty Ape” line is really bad, bless him.

At 1h 47m it moves along at a decent clip, and whilst a bit rough around the edges doesn’t outstay its welcome or ever really fail to entertain.

*Not actually Monkies.


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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Much like the prior movie, this is also alright.

The effects have improved and the odd weightlessness is gone. But the plot remains a bit wonky in execution.

However the performances, set dressing and overall spectacle all win out for it to remain entertaining.

The entire cesar ape trilogy holds up pretty well I've found. And they were genuinely decent to good films when released. The new one was along the same vein. I really hope we actually get the entire saga done as the consistency and tone are excellent.

Just on War now, with Kingdom for afters.

They definitely do a solid job of “how did we get from us to them”, and yeah the overall tone and consistency is solid. Whilst the individual movies I’d argue aren’t anything especially fancy, as a series it’s much better.

Kind of the opposite of the Star Wars sequels, where I can find stuff to enjoy in each on, but they just don’t work that well as a trilogy, instead feeling like Disney secretly made three trilogies, and there was an accident in the film storage room and they all got muddled up.


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I particularly like how Caesar continues to gain intelligence as we head down, showing the virus which kicked it all off is progressing within him.

How Andy Serkis didn’t win a load of awards for this I’ll never know. He’s superb.

I’m impressed how well the new series has kept consistent quality. I can’t think of many four-movie-series that have been so consistently good. We tried watching some of the original POTA sequels and needed a hiatus after the first movie.


Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

The most famous sequel name of all time, but does it hold up?


If you ever wanted to fill your bathtub with concentrated 80’s, then step in, hold your breath, and plunge into total immersion, this is your movie.

The plot and characters are undiluted formula straight from the 80’s Slobs Vs Snobs/Stop the Developer tap. (There’s a bit of John Carter effect as this film might have originated the formula.). However, those things really only exist as a framework on which to hang some of the most radical fashions and phenomenal dance set pieces of the 80’s. If you ever saw the Beat It video and wanted 90 more minutes of it, this is your movie.

I love The Apple!

 Easy E wrote:
I love The Apple!

I’m definitely going to have to see it again, with friends.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

About an hour in, and this is wonderful. As the latest edition to a now 13 year old series? If continues the overarching story nicely.

The CGI is naturally the best of the series, as it’s always been cutting edge stuff.

On reflection, this is probably the best franchise in recent years, almost certainly helped by a casual release pace. If they’d pumped them out every year or two, I think the in-universe progression wouldn’t have come across quite so well. Instead it feels quite real and organic. Though watching in a binge has definitely helped the series shine.

I’m definitely up for more in this series, and they can take as long as is necessary for another organic addition.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

About an hour in, and this is wonderful. As the latest edition to a now 13 year old series? If continues the overarching story nicely.

The CGI is naturally the best of the series, as it’s always been cutting edge stuff.

On reflection, this is probably the best franchise in recent years, almost certainly helped by a casual release pace. If they’d pumped them out every year or two, I think the in-universe progression wouldn’t have come across quite so well. Instead it feels quite real and organic. Though watching in a binge has definitely helped the series shine.

I’m definitely up for more in this series, and they can take as long as is necessary for another organic addition.

It's funny how the franchise revival of a 60s film franchise (we don't speak of the Tim Burton one) is going so strong and with such well done movies while revivals of more recently successful franchises have been so hit and miss.

Yeah.

I of course can’t prove, but strongly suspect them taking their time between films is part of the secret to that success.

Each has progressed the overall tale nicely, building on what came before and adding to it, as I said in a very organic way. And in a binge it really works.

I still stand by my opinion that individually the films are simply Above Average. But as a whole? It’s a class in effective story telling and world building.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Yeah.

I of course can’t prove, but strongly suspect them taking their time between films is part of the secret to that success.

Each has progressed the overall tale nicely, building on what came before and adding to it, as I said in a very organic way. And in a binge it really works.

I still stand by my opinion that individually the films are simply Above Average. But as a whole? It’s a class in effective story telling and world building.

I'd agree. Individually they are just good flicks. It's when you can watch them all together it really elevates. Compare it to any other "franchise" currently running. Was John Wick 4 better John Wick? Most modern day franchises have to ever elevating action films which actually makes the Apes movies kinda amazing.

It might also be because its a "lesser" franchise.

That might just mean there's less "suits" messing with things to fit models/stats/theory and so forth and thus allowing writer and director more chance to just tell the story as is. Sometimes I think the issues with things like Starwars is that there's too much money behind them and at stake which causes loads of people at the top to double down on a bunch of stuff that "in theory" helps but in practice makes for a weaker story as they try and maximise its profitability.

Possibly. But then, they’re CGI heavy, which adds to the cost. And whilst I’ve not exactly gone looking they don’t feel like they’ve been heavily marketed. Certainly only a fraction of Star Wars. And as we know? It’s the merchandising that brings in the reliable big bucks.

What I’ve particularly enjoyed on the binge is the “sins of the father” vibe. That the apes are every bit as flawed as humanity has been throughout our history. Which given the events of the original films sets up a fairly nice cycle of events and that.

The Vourdalak (2023)

Low budget, weird as feth French movie about a French diplomat waylaid somewhere in Eastern Europe. It got high critic ratings for reasons that are beyond me, though the puppetry of the titular character was neat. It just seemed like a high school production most of the time.

Its apparently based on a book about a particular kind of Eastern European vampire that predates Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” by roughly 50 years.

Now I’ve fallen down a wikipedia rabbit hole of Slavic folklore and mythical creatures…

I believe their is a short (part of a larger movie) featuring Boris Karloff with the same name. The name of the larger movie is escaping me at the moment.

I've finally seen The Gate (1987). A very nice scary movie for young people. It very cleverly deals with children's fears and the effects are incredibly charming and just good. The characters (Deakon Frost in the leading role!) are likeable throughout. The lad himself, his friend (who would be comic relief in lesser movies), the sister... and their girlfriends are funny too. Vicious, but funny. Very good outfits too. That party is something to behold.


Reminded me a bit of Monster House (which I like) in terms of vibe. Of course, The Gate is much more reduced in terms of space, but they make use of everything that's around. Cool film. Especially because of the iconic effects and designs.


Watch it.

 Sigur wrote:
I've finally seen The Gate (1987). A very nice scary movie for young people. It very cleverly deals with children's fears and the effects are incredibly charming and just good. The characters (Deakon Frost in the leading role!) are likeable throughout. The lad himself, his friend (who would be comic relief in lesser movies), the sister... and their girlfriends are funny too. Vicious, but funny. Very good outfits too. That party is something to behold.


Reminded me a bit of Monster House (which I like) in terms of vibe. Of course, The Gate is much more reduced in terms of space, but they make use of everything that's around. Cool film. Especially because of the iconic effects and designs.


Watch it.

I just brought this movie up the other day and was shocked other people remembered it. It's a super fun movie even nowadays.

Its a Stephen Dorff classic.

@Hulksmash: Oh yes. It's a great mix of nightmarish atmosphere and fun effects. they hold up because they're all real (albeit quite a bit of back projection towards the end. ). Making the demons tiny and have small snouts was a genius move. That way they strike a great happy medium between scary and funny. They very much are defeatable, but they keep on coming. The bit where the kid steps on one and it kicks and struggles and all the others are scared is a great scene and helps make them look extremely organic and real.

 nels1031 wrote:
Its a Stephen Dorff classic.

I think it's fair to say that it is to Dorff's oevre what Empire of the Sun is to Christian Bale's.

over the last three days, i rewatched Seven Weeks, Hanagatami, and Labyrinth of Cinema. for the first, i found myself loving it more than ever before, on the same level of Casting Blossoms of Labyrinth of Cinema. for the second... well it's still an incredible film, especially the aspects of sexuality throughout, but otherwise it's my least favorite, and a rewatch confirmed that. and then for the third, it proved to be exactly as good as i remembered it: an absolutely singular experience in cinematic form. absolutely recommend going out of your way to see all three films, and Casting Blossoms to the Sky as well. truly one of the most incredible decades a director has ever had

Not sure where the train of thought started, but decided to look up Prey on Wikipedia.

Seems a sequel is moving into production. Which is great, because Prey is superb and everyone should get it into their eyes.

Wrath of Becky

Bored late night viewing had this pop up on Prime. Oddly good time. Ignore the fact that the CIA is operating on US soil Silly action/slasher where a teenage girl is the one doing the action/slashing. Apparently it was sequel and it may have a 3rd installment coming out. Worth a watch if you're reaching.

Wrath of Becky is the sequel to Becky. I'd recommend Becky to people who are into (home invasion) thrillers, but I also find it's a good movie that's worth watching if you're not. Wrath of Becky turned out a bit silly for my taste. It's still fun, but not as grounded as the first movie.

Netflix Germany uploaded a bunch of Bud Spencer films again, possibly due to Rainer Brandt's passing last week. A big loss. So I watched Even Angels Eat Beans (1972). A gangster film parody sat in the late 1920s. Two down-on-their luck guys (charming, low-level rogue ice cream vendor [Gemma] and wrestler [Spencer]) happen to beat up coppers who try to disperse people lining up for soup at the salvation army. They are observed by members of the local gangster family and invite them into the family.

This one was meant to be a Terence Hill / Bud Spencer film, but Hill cancelled and instead they got Giuliano Gemma. Who I think works great. The dynamic between the characters is different than with Spencer/Hill, but still endearing. Both actors are allowed to show a bunch of range actually; everybody being desperately in need for money (and food), playing cool when the situation requires it, being afraid (mostly Gemma, who in several situations switches between overplayed coolness and having to run for his life.). There aren't that many fight scenes (feel weird calling it that when it comes to a Bud Spencer film), the ones which are there are fun. However, there are several very funny set pieces and dialogue. The Netflix version features a few bits which were cut in the original Italian with German subtitles.

I have watched this film countless times, especially when I was a kid, and it's one of my tip top favourites Bud Spencer films. They all got a timeless quality, but especially the costume films (Westerns, mostly, and this one), will probably never feel outdated. Watch It. And don't be afraid because it's a Spencer-and-not-Hill film. I know, many of these are duds, but this one has all the fun of a Spencer/Hill film, with a slightly different vibe.

watched August in the Water with my discord server tonight. really fascinating film, and one that divided opinions heavily. it's a very magical coming of age story in the vein of Makoto Shinkai's films, or The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, but with only the bare minimum of a plot as is necessary to understand it as such. in place of that, the film lays on a heavy new age atmosphere. the film feels like it exists in metatextual conversation with these other films as a result, playing on the understanding of tropes it only suggests in passing. it almost feels like watching a film through the shadows on the cave wall

it also sort of reminds me of And So We Put Goldfish In The Pool, which is a riff on a less magical style of youth film, and does a similar sort of condensing, but where August in the Water replaces what it cuts with slow atmosphere, Goldfish doesn't replace at all. instead, it serves as a fast-paced edit of a movie which doesn't exist, taking the highs and lows of a coming of age story and cutting everything which is not a peak

I find Goldfish's approach much stronger in that a fast-paced "only the best moments" approach feels a lot more evocative than August in the Water's more atmospheric approach. it's most definitely an acquired taste, especially because you need both a familiarity with the sort of magical coming of age film it pulls on, as well as an appreciation for abstract, vibes-based cinema to really get into it. that's not really a common person, but, I am that person, and I really quite liked it

Borderlands

I put more thoughts in the dedicated thread.

General thoughts, way better than the 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, but it is not good. Did people go into this movie expecting it to be good? There was no way that was ever going to happen! However, it is not even close to the worst movie I have seen in a movie theatre before.

But is it enough of a trainwreck to be worth our time?

For example, I saw Cats in the theater, and it was gloriously awful, a flaming garbage truck collision. What’s keeping me away from Borderlands is the fear that it will just be bad and boring, and not spectacularly terrible and bizarre. If it’s just Blue Beetle bad, it’s not worth my time or money.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
If it’s just Blue Beetle bad, it’s not worth my time or money.

I think that is probably where we're at. From others I haven't gotten the impression it is "so bad it is good" but more of a toothless, underwhelming experience.

More boring and by-the-numbers. Although, Blanchette was fun to watch, but not enough sadly. This will disappear into obscurity quickly.