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HM&TMotU gets five stars out of five for me.

It’s superb poe-faced tongue-in-cheek fun. Music is great. The SFX fit with the vibe.

It has some great callbacks to its predecessors that made me laugh.

Jared Leto seems to be channeling Scar from the Lion King into the 80s cartoon Skeletor.

His performance felt to me like Tim Curry as “God” from Star Trek 5.

I’ve seen Leto suck in too many roles to credit him, so instead I’ll say I’m impressed at the Director’s Herculean feat of wrenching a great performance out of Leto. And for completely altering his voice and appearance.

Does help we don’t get to see his smug, insufferable face? Well. Presumably.

What's nuts is that it's Leto in the Skeletor suit and on set.

Like, there's no freaky weird sending of dead rats to people, the weirdest thing he seems to have done is use makeup blood on his face to make himself look scary, so the actor's reactions would be better.

Robot Wars 1995.

Nowt to do with the BBC series, nor Robotjox which it’s sometimes billed as a sequel to.

But we do have honking great stop-motion animated Robots, lasers, shonky acting, naughty terroristd and generally speaking an alright time if you fancy a B-Movie.

Really strong design work is the film’s best friend here, as is the gorgeous and well done Stop Motion which manages to sell the sense of scale.

It’s on Prime for free in the UK, and I can genuinely recommend it if you’re in the mood for solid B-Movie fare.

It may not have Matilda
Or Lancalot’s Claws
But at least it’s a movie
Called Robot Wars

The Toxic Avenger 2023.

Peter Dinklage! Elijah Wood! Kevin Bacon! Mayhem! Gore! Troma!

It may have a budget to make other Troma films blush, but it’s lost none of the soul for it. The visuals are super stylised in the best possible way. The makeup and effects are spot on. They’re high quality, but carefully goofy. The script is extremely amusing, full of Troma’s trademark stupid but witty.

Paid £6 on Prime, and it’s worth every last penny.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Bride!

Gods this a long film. And it’s equally long on concept.

I’m about half way through. Whilst I don’t dislike it? Poor Things pretty much beat it to the punch, and is the better film.

The Bride! is bordering on being overly self indulgent. What’s here is great. The performances are predictably terrific given the cast. It’s just not quite the sum of its parts. And I can’t quite put my finger on why.

Why do I feel like MDG is stalling and not rushing to see Jared Leto's best movie ever?

MOTU is a great film, and not because I loved He-Man growing up.

I might go see it a second time in theaters.

There’s no stalling. I just don’t want to pay to see it,

When it shows up on Prime, for free? Sure.

Top Gun. I have never seen it.

It didn’t take my breath away and I feel no need to watch the sequel.

 Souleater wrote:
Top Gun. I have never seen it.

It didn’t take my breath away and I feel no need to watch the sequel.

Ok

End of Days

Panned at the time, but I have a real soft spot for this turn of the Millenium Arnie Apocalypse Nonsense Flick.

Released among a spate of other “Mr Satan is coming to tea” movies in the same era, this is probably my favourite.

Arnie is kind of channelling John McClane, rather than his usual bombast. And it’s probably his finest acting. As in…he’s actually acting and not just looking fabulously hench and killing peoples. And with Gabriel Byrne as Satan, you can’t go terribly far wrong.

There’s a nice creepiness to this. It’s not perfect, but it is enjoyable.

Sgt Bilko (1996)

So a 30 year movie adaptation of a now 70 year old TV show (the Phil Silvers Show if you're wondering). Any reason to review it? Yes. I saw it so you don't have to.

With Steve Martin, Dan Ackroyd and Phil Hartman it did not suck. Entirely. Just sort of a mediocre story about a grifting con man sergeant and the hard ass trying to bust him. The story makes no sense. At one point the hard ass has Sgt Ernest Bilko (the name's a joke, a double joke, get it!) dead to rights, records of all his scams and gambling and... Proceeds to frame him for the one crime he didn't commit. There's a plot about a new recruit who's a straight arrow and not into the scams. And he's supposed to have this character arc where he redeems Bilko and also learns to loosen up. But it's not in there. I'd wager there was a lot of cut scenes to get it down to a nice crisp 90 minutes and get 3 showings a night.

There's some subtle jokes like Bilko having an autographed picture of Trump on his night table.

So it's an OK evenings diversion while you do something more interesting.

It also reminded me that Only Murders in the Building exists so there's that.

SGT Bilko makes a great double feature with The Pentagon Wars (Kelsey Grammar, Cary Elwes).


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Souleater wrote:
Top Gun. I have never seen it.

It didn’t take my breath away and I feel no need to watch the sequel.

You’re not missing much.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Lathe Biosas wrote:
Why do I feel like MDG is stalling and not rushing to see Jared Leto's best movie ever?

MOTU is a great film, and not because I loved He-Man growing up.

I might go see it a second time in theaters.

I want to see it a second time, too. MOTU and Obsession are both worth a second trip to the theater.

 Souleater wrote:
Top Gun. I have never seen it.

It didn’t take my breath away and I feel no need to watch the sequel.

IMHO, Topgun and it's sequel are great in the same way the early Fast and Furious movies are.

You KNOW the good guys win. You know the story is gonna be surface level, and not deep at all. It's great for grabbing a bucket of popcorn and enjoy some fighter jet sequences.

Like the others are saying, you're not really missing much, but I do think they're good fun.

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:

 Souleater wrote:
Top Gun. I have never seen it.

It didn’t take my breath away and I feel no need to watch the sequel.

IMHO, Topgun and it's sequel are great in the same way the early Fast and Furious movies are.

You KNOW the good guys win. You know the story is gonna be surface level, and not deep at all. It's great for grabbing a bucket of popcorn and enjoy some fighter jet sequences.

Like the others are saying, you're not really missing much, but I do think they're good fun.

The second top gun is worthwhile for the actors in real fighter jets flying about bits.

I've never seen that in any other film. So it's got that as a unique attribute.

A big part of the Top Gun films is the aerial cinematography. It looks ok on a home television but absolutely is amazing on a full IMAX. That recent F1: The Movie was similar for the racing sequences. So at this point unless you can see it on a theatrical big screen with a top of the line theater sound system you indeed not missing much because it isn't going to be the same experience.

The score in the original has something going for it as well iconic and certainly embedded itself in my young developing brain. (Also the phrase “Jester’s dead” can be used in so many situations)

 Flinty wrote:
The score in the original has something going for it as well iconic and certainly embedded itself in my young developing brain. (Also the phrase “Jester’s dead” can be used in so many situations)

"Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."

Is used by my friends at least once a day.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Masters of the Universe (2026)

That fething score!*


Masters of the Universe is the story of Daniel Pemberton rocking the feth out of a schlock classic. It has everything g that makes a fantasy story work, from the character arc of Brian May on the electric guitar to the penetrating thematic work by The Darkness. Whatever kind of movie you were hoping for, MOTU has a fething awesome score.

Also, the fight scenes really added a lot to the music, especially one fight about 2/3 through that was fantastic. That’s definitely going to be the clip everyone watches on YouTube. When not just playing the OST, that is.


Be sure to watch the end credits for that goddarn phenomenal score, except during the mid credits and post credits scenes.




*Yeah, I could have done my usual schtick using my favorite quote, like “God, I hate Darrell” or “Let’s fist some bad guys!”, but I didn’t because, my God, that fething score. Like, I want to buy the CD and I haven’t bought a soundtrack since Pacific Rim.

I used to sit next to Daniel Pemberton in art class at school (he was rather talented, I was not!). Brian May's son Jimmy was also in the same year as us...

 Lathe Biosas wrote:

 Flinty wrote:
The score in the original has something going for it as well iconic and certainly embedded itself in my young developing brain. (Also the phrase “Jester’s dead” can be used in so many situations)

"Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."

Is used by my friends at least once a day.

Who choses call signs for USAF or Navy pilots? Do they pick their own or are randomly assigned from a government approved list? Do they all sound cool, or someone called 'Spotty'? Do they get reused when a pilot retires? Do all the 'Jesters', 'Mavericks' and 'Spottys' meet up for parties?

MarkNorfolk wrote:

 Lathe Biosas wrote:

 Flinty wrote:
The score in the original has something going for it as well iconic and certainly embedded itself in my young developing brain. (Also the phrase “Jester’s dead” can be used in so many situations)

"Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."

Is used by my friends at least once a day.

Who choses call signs for USAF or Navy pilots? Do they pick their own or are randomly assigned from a government approved list? Do they all sound cool, or someone called 'Spotty'? Do they get reused when a pilot retires? Do all the 'Jesters', 'Mavericks' and 'Spottys' meet up for parties?

I had a boss who was an an old Air Force Colonel. His callsign was "Bean Dip."

I asked him if he chose that, and he asked me if I thought cleaning toilets was a fun job.

Apparently, your Callsign is granted to you by your coworkers.

I watched Top Gun purely because it was this weeks' movie on War Movie Theatre a podcast that takes a not-so-serious look at war movies.*

One thing they mentioned is that your call sign is picked by your compatriots, and is usually a **** take of your character and habits. They generally aren't meant to be cool.

So, 'Iceman' would be someone prone to freaking out. 'Jester' might be a guy who never laughs or tells really crappy jokes. 'Maverick' would be the guy who always has to stick to the rules.


*They did Aliens and Starship Troopers

Masters of the Universe. (2026)

An awfully awesome movie. Yes there are problems with it, and it's having a hard time at the box office, but humanity needs THAT sequel. Not even the MCU has ever had such a ****ing awesome after-credits scene.

The Re-Animator

“Who’s going to take you seriously? You’re just a talking head!”


Jeffrey Combs and David Gale play two rival mad scie—er, doctors with the power to raise the dead. Yes, it’s as fun as that sounds.

There are parts that would be disturbing, disgusting and generally messed up in a less cheesy movie. The Re-Animator had the same kind of energy as Waxwork, where you can tell everyone was having fun making it and the film goes bonkers at the climax.



Heavy Metal

*boobs bouncing boobily*

Heavy Metal was the adults-only nerd cartoon for nerdy adults. Yes, it has sex, drugs and rock-and-roll, and yes, it looks like it was drawn by R Crumb and animated by Ralph Bakshi at parts.

If that combination sounds good to you, you’ll probably like it. If not, you’re probably normal. And if you think it just isn’t furry-sounding enough, hey there’s a movie for you: Rock and Rule.

MarkNorfolk wrote:

 Lathe Biosas wrote:

 Flinty wrote:
The score in the original has something going for it as well iconic and certainly embedded itself in my young developing brain. (Also the phrase “Jester’s dead” can be used in so many situations)

"Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."

Is used by my friends at least once a day.

Who choses call signs for USAF or Navy pilots? Do they pick their own or are randomly assigned from a government approved list? Do they all sound cool, or someone called 'Spotty'? Do they get reused when a pilot retires? Do all the 'Jesters', 'Mavericks' and 'Spottys' meet up for parties?

There's a few former combat aviators who have turned to youtube that I watch.

Long story short there are some rules to callsigns:
1. You don't choose your own
2. If you hate it, the more you hate it, the more its gonna stick
3. The callsign must be 2 syllables
4. needs to be "radio appropriate" or otherwise appropriate to put on the ticker of the local 5 O'clock news


Sort of "rule 5" without being such, from there, the names take on one of two main attributes: your name gives the call sign, or you did something absolutely dumb.

One such guy I watch talks about flying with a guy who's last name was Campbell. His call sign was Soup. Was watching some local media coverage of an event, the pilot being interviewed, well. . . his momma named him Michael, and his surname was Jackson. His call sign is Thriller. To give y'all some idea of apparently how one obtains a name based callsign.

I've seen/heard a story of a guy who got the callsign of Trigger (like Ace Combat, but not) because he fired off a short burst from his cannon. . . . before he got to the taxi way. Another internet famous callsign is Zeus, which in true military fashion is an acronym. So, you're obviously thinking, "zeus, that's kinda badass I'd love that kind of callsign" . . . well, the acronym is Zero Effort Unless Supervised

Lee Cronin's the Mummy

The most interesting thing about this movie is that it's so baffling bad but bafflingly bad in interesting ways. Like it's a terrible movie, but it's oddly entertaining exploring all the ways in which this movie is terrible which is aided by one of its foremost flaws. I mean it's got classic 'bad horror movie is bad' problems like unlikeable characters in a situation that mostly runs on their own stupidities and convoluted mysteries (that doesn't even qualify the movie as a 'mummy movie' imo, it's a demonic possession movie false advertising!). The weirdest thing though is that this movie is like 4 or 5 different movies jammed together and suffocating one another. There's a thriller plot with a cop. A body horror plot. A possession plot. A family feud plot. The one thing this movie paradoxically isn't is a mummy plot of all things but it's all these other things just crammed in there. The movie is generally just barely interesting as it goes through generic horror plot beats and with little to no charm. And it's not really scary to be honest. Like it doesn't even have the balls to try and throw cheap jump scares at you. It borrows all the generic scares from a thousand other movies (while using none that you'd think you'd find in a mummy movie...). It's got good gross out horror if you're into that but like it's the only brand of horror out of the half dozen kinds it dabbles in it does any good with. Honestly you see what kind of movie it's going to be in the first 20 minutes as it zooms through 4 or so different prologues to set up the plot, none of which really go together or follow any sort of internal logic aside from 'because that's how the movie happens.'

At its best the movie is just kind of lame, which is also when it's just plain boring. Weirdly it's actually almost entertaining as a bad movie that's so bad its good. Doesn't quit get there. So it just ends up being blarg. In a lot of ways it's unshocking the movie has Blumhouse involved? It feels like everything Blumhouse has become over the years; plodding, uninspired where it matters, overly inspired where it really doesn't, and ultimately just... Lame.

Redneck Zombies

A Troma release.

Rednecks use toxic war waste in their Still to make moonshine. People drink it. Zombies and silliness ensues.

The sound is terrific, but the picture? It was filmed on video tape and it shows.

I mean…it’s a Troma Movie. So it’s good if you’re into that sort of no-budget wilful nonsense. Which I am. And despite the poor picture quality? It’s otherwise competently shot, and everyone is committing to the bit and not taking anything too seriously.

Just finishing watching it now, and this is grinsome. There’s a bit where they’ve blatantly paid some local school kids to portray zombies, and it’s….actually a really good scene! Whilst the zombie make up itself is pretty basic? Those kids otherwise nail it. This is genuinely a better and more spirited attempt that many more earnest attempts at the genre.

Another one for Masters of the Universe. A worthy successor to the 80s fantasy and sci-fi adventure moves, like Krull, Beastmaster and Flash Gordon. There’s so much Flash Gordon about this movie that you put the ‘ring’ effect in yourself at the end.

Until next time….

The Next Karate Kid

Hmm. Not the best start. Stroppy teenager, and effing M People playing. The M stood for Middle of the Road. If that’s the studio’s idea of cool, we’re not starting out with much hope.

Then a “teen” that’s clearly knocking 30* indulges in some mild sexual harassment of our heroine.

Thankfully Michael Ironside then raises the bar a bit, having regrown his arms since Total Recall, and before he loses one again before Starship Troopers. And at least the teen has fair reason to be a pain, what with the loss of both her parents.

Miyagi is of course fantastic, with his usual easy charm. And we can easily see how Hilary Swank went on to a decent career.

So far it’s the weakest entry in the wider setting. Except perhaps the Jayden Smith one? Not sure I’ve seen that. However, it does pick up in the second half once the training kicks off.

*He’s allegedly the same age as me. Which must be a fib, because I was 14 when this came out and he clearly wasn’t.



Automatically Appended Next Post:
Azrael, Angel of Death

Samara Weaving stars. Set post Rapture, where a bunch of humans remain and are under threat by Burned Ones, basically crispy zombies.

What’s notable here is that the film has no dialogue. The sect Samara is escaping from has cut out their vocal cords in penance. So it’s all body language. Works far better than it sounds.