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I imagine it went something like this...

Bigwig - We face unprecedented times, a deadly pandemic and the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression. And we sell expensive toys to boys and men who delude themselves. We need new ideas, new strategies, new ways to reach our audience! Gentlemen, what do you have for me?
Flunky 1 - Put a black marine and a woman on a book cover!
Flunky 2 - New Ultramarine models!
Flunky 3 - Killer robots!
Flunky 4 - Price adjustments!
Flunky 5 - Lower prices so the millions of people trapped at home can discover our games and... and... I'm sorry sir. I'll just go and clear out my desk now.
Bigwig - A good start but too timid! We will do all that but the real coup de mort is our secret weapon, a weapon so powerful and unexpected we have only used it eight times before!
Flunkies 1-4 - GASP! You mean...
Bigwig - 9th edition!
Flunkies 1-4 - Brilliant sir! Well done! A masterstroke!
Bigwig - My work here is done. I go now to drink a salty broth of internet tears and bathe in my money bin until my lost youth is restored.

So now is the time to roll out our completely false and made up 9th edition rumors!


1-When GW says you can use your existing 8th edition codexes, they mean like, as coasters, or to prop up a table with a broken leg. Not as like rules. You'll have to buy new books.
2-The introduction of the new exclusive $80 codex format.
3-A special new app that deducts $25 from your bank account each month. Other features may be added later.
4-Space marines! With bikes! But um, bigger?
5-Lorem, Ipsum, and Dolor the 5th, 6th and 7th Chaos Gods!
6-Orks to get a second battlecry.
7-The 13th Black Crusade finally ends when Abaddon accidentally cuts himself while shaving causing his soul to be sucked into his sword.
8-Codex Adeptus Administarum, able to restrain enemy forces with red table and gut them with budget cuts.
9-In keeping with Social Distancing guidelines tables will now be used the long way, 6'x4'
10-New family-oriented Friendship moves to offset the violence of the setting.

My local GW manager told me that all non-Space Marine armies will have their codexes removed and replaced with automata AI card decks so that no one will ever be forced to play not Space Marines ever again.

Vulkan is a deamon primarch of Khorne.

Tyranids and Tau will be squatted.

Dark Eldar will be Squatted and replaced with the DruCk' Kharians, which are power armor wearing eldar who worship the emperor and have giant shuttle cocks for drop pods.

Lo'rem, I'psum, and D'olor are the new Chaos Gods of Lo Mein Noodles, Possums and Doritos.

Old Ones Return confirmed for August-November 2021.

Squats return: Christmas 2020.

Squats are squatted: Christmas 2023

[size=18]A remaster of 7th edition, with all new art and some cool microtransactions is being worked on by those people who made Warcraft Remastered.[size=18]

looking at it seriously for a moment, two of the most demanded things for primaris have been bikes and "guys with chain swords" thereby I am making the following 9th edition predictions based on things we've asked for.


1: A plastic Thunder Hawk will release in the year... for imperial aeronautica
2: every time Marines get a release Xenos will get a release, Eldar will get a plastic aspect warrior...... of an aspect no one uses or Orks will get something that varies from "mildly useful to actively hurts you" based off a RNG roll
3: IGUGO has been replaced with alternate advancement, with absolutely no rules modifications and testing, what could go wrong?
4: due to response asking for bloat to be reduced 9th edition will be reduced to three codices: Codex Heros in Power armor, Codex: Random Humans to save, and Codex: Xenos targets.

1) The new edition will be a marked improvement over the previous one and definitely not the usual '3 steps forward, four steps back'.
2) The new edition definitely won't become a bloated mess of supplements again. Definitely.
3) Dark Eldar are getting a codex that actually has more units and options in it than the previous one.
4) Factions with few units or with models dating back to the Napoleonic War will be prioritised over Marines when it comes to new models.
5) The game will look sensibly at its scale and consider whether superheavies and fliers belong in the same game as individual guardsmen.
6) The core rules will be much more extensive so that each faction actually has something to build on without having to invent every rule from scratch.
7) USRs will be re-implemented and rule-design in general will be tightened significantly.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ride a winged-marshmallow to see the King of the Potato People.

 vipoid wrote:
1)
4) Factions with few units or with models dating back to the Napoleonic War will be prioritised over Marines when it comes to new models.
.

Ironically, the Napoleonic Wars still continue, in a way. UK Income Tax was a ‘temporary measure’ To pay for the conflict.

On topic:

You are in Error, Citizen. There is no 9th edition, it is a belated April Fool.

All races and sub factions will have strengths and weaknesses based on their fluff leading to unique, interesting and balanced gameplay.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
God that was cynical.

The new edition has been thoroughly test-played by real actual humans.

I've heard there's a secret movement in GW planning to introduce gender-fluid SM chapter. They want to set a loud butthurt beacon for Tyranids to find the way into our galaxy IRL.

1) T'au will be getting a lots of other xenos allies that provide much needed melee elements
2) Tyranids actually become top tier for the entirety of the edition with top notch melee and Flyers
3) Dark Eldar get 6 more characters units akin to GSC release to fill up HQs slots
4) Necrons become one of most mobile armies in the game with multiple flying high speed units and some of the longest range heavy guns.
5) Daemons can go for highly efficient Greater Daemons spam builds.
6) Ork Vehicle spam is real and truly terrifying to withstand.
7) Eldar psychic phase becomes to bad and overpriced that nobody ever takes Psykers in their common TAC list.

Darsath wrote:
The new edition has been thoroughly test-played by real actual humans.

I understand at least 3 turns of a test game were played the day before 9th edition was sent to the printers.

"Models with shields" is the next Primaris Chamber! After the veteran squad, Captain, Chaplain, and Lieutenant we've seen thus far there's a Gravis unit with shields, a unit of Intercessors with shields, and a Redemptor with a storm shield waiting in the wings, all sharing a new keyword and a Librarian with psychic powers that only work on them.

Ynnari are to replace all Eldar. All resin units are to be deleted, and the remaining Craftworld, Harlequin, and Dark Eldar units are to be rolled into one Codex, but they'll all still have their own keywords and their characters will only buff their own sub-section of the Eldar Codex.

Kroot Mercenaries will be the next new army, but they'll only be able to ally with the Imperium and the Tau-allied Kroot won't get any of the new models.

Primaris Grey Knights will happen, but they'll be psychic Intercessor rifle squads made by shipping a conversion sprue with pauldrons and helmets.

All terrain is now going to block all line of sight to an infinite height, so the only static gunline that will remain in the game is the Guard, who will remain relatively unchanged due to their ability to be a functional gunline with no line of sight.

1) In his quest to rid the universe of Chaos, Sigmar will throw open the boundaries between the universes. Unleashing his Stormcast upon the battlefields of the 41st mellenium. Thus Stormcast become the second army that crosses both games, not just Chaos.
This will be the first of several army shifts from AoS to 40K, with Skaven and Khadoran Overlords following (KO will be the new Squats) and then finally Seraphon guiding their great space arks into the setting.

2) GW will release all armies with coloured plastic variation starter sets. Each "subfaction" will get its own unique colour suitable for its official scheme.

3) In a massive revelation event in the lore it will be revealed that the Emperor is in fact a highly evolved Genestealer*. Hence why his call to the depths of space has pulled so many of the Tyranids close. This revelation is revealed to the galaxy by the returning Silent King of the Necrons. Upon release of this information the Emperor awakens, activating his final plan - the geneseed of all Marines unleashing the hidden stealer DNA within. Corrupting the entire legions of the Marines in one day into Stealers. Tearing the Imperium apart in a second civil war and leaving them open to invasion by the Tyranids.

As a result Humanity is falling and Necrons arise as the "Not good, but the best we've got to survive" faction as they unite behind their God-King". Necrons thus replace all Space Marine marketing - GW swaps the Marine and Rhino at the HQ for a Monolith


5) GW will also reveal that with all the pshychic energy madness going on, the culmination will be the birth of a new Chaos God. One birthed from the cynical and pedantic madness of its fans. This new god will come complete with demons, human slaves and more and will exemplify the most extreme aspects of negative player emotion. The rules will be the most complex codex ever created, being penned by an expert team of Rules Lawyer and Pedantic Monkey's chained to typewriters in the GW basement

6) GW will continue their marketing domination of the internet by creating their own Facebook website. Shifting all their marketing to the site where players are required to register their own profiles on the site. Providing all data to GW. GW will use this to produce even better models and even better product targeting. This is part 2 of their 5 phase strategy for UK domination; which is Phase 1 of their 10 Phase world domination plan. Phase 1, Part 1, domination of the UK stock market, is already over 50% complete as of today.

*GW has hinted at this lots, even to the point of putting their factory plan onto a Genestealer Cult model

The Silent King destroys the Throne Room and eats the Emperor and Gman yells "NOOOOOOOOO' (like Vader). They make a new set of rules that all players can play with Daemon summoning rules. But its free points, you just need to Roll 3D6 and add those units.

The introduction of a brand new race of good-guy protagonists that have human and xenos working together in a way similar to Star-Trek/Star-Wars!

The Imperium collectively pauses and asks: "Wait...are we the baddies?"

I heard they are going to bring out a squad of primaris marines just high fiving each other

mrFickle wrote:
I heard they are going to bring out a squad of primaris marines just high fiving each other

you heard wrong, it's a squad of 5 primaris Leuitenants collectively middle fingering the non marine player base

Darsath wrote:
The new edition has been thoroughly test-played by real actual humans.

Let's be honest, some rumours are too unbelievable...

Chaos players will receive a Codex they’re satisfied with.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Chaos players will receive a Codex they’re satisfied with.

However, 6 months later it will be updated with a copy/paste of the original 8th edition codex.

The errata to fix this will be a copy paste of the 3.5 edition Chaos codex. There will be no further updates until 11th edition. The YMDC subforum has to be shut down due to the thermonuclear levels of heat in the RAI vs RAW threads trying to determine what exactly GW was trying to do.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Chaos players will receive a Codex they’re satisfied with.

See my last comment in this thread...

We're going back to blast templates.

Want another CP? Only $1

9th edition includes a strat where a "good" person helps an old lady across the street instead of torturing and killing her for "not being like me". It gains the user VP's, but their opponent is then allowed to play the "you broke my immersion" strat and play soup.

9th edition includes a background story where the rules seemed to apply. You know, some marines were actually killed by lasguns (maybe even 1/3 of them who were wounded...) or a leman russ was attacked by a daemon prince, and wasn't instantly ripped to shreds using only its left hand, or a "huge" unit of tyranids running at a defense wall manned by marines was actually shot down before it could arrive, run over the wall, and kill every single marine instantly.

GW moves away from aiming at the CCG and PVP shooter crowd and goes back to designing for wargamers whose attention span might be longer than 3.6 minutes. (I might have turned into one of the latter...)

The player base of 40k decides you can lose a game and still have fun without blaming it on cheating, netlists, etc etc.

40k players actually balk at being forced to buy every single thing over again every few years and 9th edition sits on the shelf.

Hmmm, these are all ridiculous and impossible. Nevermind...

The 9th edition rulebook begins with a story where the Avatar of Khaine actually defeats a Space Marine character in combat and even survives the encounter!

Mariongodspeed wrote:
The 9th edition rulebook begins with a story where the Avatar of Khaine actually defeats a Space Marine character in combat and even survives the encounter!

Alternately: Transcendant C'tan become the new punching bag of Space Marine characters, and every character's introduction includes a scorecard listing all the times he's beaten up a Transcendant C'tan single-handedly.

1) Due to social distancing, all melee combatants must remain 6" apart while fighting.

2) The Imperial Guard line of vehicles will be revamped so that all treads are replaced with skulls so you can't use Tamaya model tanks in their place.

3) The next novel will contain a whirlwind Ultramarine & Soritas romance amid the destruction of the empire that leads to a new coed marine chapter known as the Stormcast...

4) Imperial Guard vehicle squadrons will be able to combine to create Knight-constructs to battle the rising forces arrayed against them.

5) As Necrons deploy their quadraped canoptic knight-walkers to the battlefield, we see the return of the Virus Bomb wargear card.

6) Tau kill teams steal a sample Tesseract Cube from the rising Necron threat and create their own version, allowing you to Pokeball your enemy.

Roll a +5 to sneeze pathogens on necron tripod titan with any infantry unit, bypasses armour save bypasses invulnerability save. 2xD6 mortal wounds.

Primarisigmar space sigmarines in space that in the fluff are twice the space and thrice the marine. In fact there’s so much space and so much marine in them that they basically made it all the way back to the source-that’s right baby Cawl learned how to make Primarchs. and they will have 2+ invulns with 4 wounds and storm bolt rifles with 6 attacks and -1AP and D2... with storm shields that add a 2++. Also their shields have built in power swords. Also GW bought the rights to battle tech so they could use them to design the new primarisigmar space marine dreadnoughts.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Chaos players will receive a Codex they’re satisfied with.

I heard Word Bearers will be getting a useful trait!

 Drudge Dreadnought wrote:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Chaos players will receive a Codex they’re satisfied with.

I heard Word Bearers will be getting a useful trait!

64 - The Chaos Codex will be a word for word reprint of the 3.5 Codex. Despite 20 years of rule changes it will still be the most competitive codex in the game and beloved by all Chaos players.