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Wargaming can be a little expensive sometimes and in the world of relationships money can be a sticking point.
I know it's odd to ask a Wargaming forum for relationship advice, but I'm considering most of you to be veterans in this arena.
Especially in the early part of a relationship (before you realize your significant other is insane, and your significant other realizes the same about you), how do you reasonably discuss dumping more money into little toy soldiers and shiny new rulebooks?
I am hoping to get some valuable advice (Without the unhelpful snark of it was either 40k or crack and I chose the more expensive option. ) on this issue.
Quixote wrote: Wargaming can be a little expensive sometimes and in the world of relationships money can be a sticking point.
I know it's odd to ask a Wargaming forum for relationship advice, but I'm considering most of you to be veterans in this arena.
Especially in the early part of a relationship (before you realize your significant other is insane, and your significant other realizes the same about you), how do you reasonably discuss dumping more money into little toy soldiers and shiny new rulebooks?
I am hoping to get some valuable advice (Without the unhelpful snark of it was either 40k or crack and I chose the more expensive option. ) on this issue.
Thank you.
Hobbies are an expense. Everyone has theirs. In the grand scheme of things, mini wargaming is not actually that bad. We might have a pile of shame, but ask someone who knits or quilts about their yarn/fabric collection, or a dedicated reader’s TBR pile. Or how much the golfer you know spends on clubs and greens fees, or how your greese-monkey bud restoration project is fairing. Or your clubbing friends what their bar tab is up to.
Be open, be honest. Communication is key in relationships. You have a not cheep hobby, but you budget for it, and can pay the bills at the same time. Like a responsible adult. Try to avoid situations where it’s the hobby vs. them. That’s a path to jealousy. But even in relationships, you need to balance you time and together time. And make sure they have time to be themselves, and do their thing. You should not have to amputate part of you and what you enjoy to be with someone.
It’s an expense, but it makes you happy, and keeps you off the street. Friday nights you are more likely hanging out with your nerd friends instead of getting drunk at a strip club.
Grain of salt, I’m divorced, so obviously don’t have everything right. But did manage a decent decade and half before things fell apart, so got at least some things that worked.
Also? Try to get across why you enjoy this. Or indeed, any hobby.
I’m a nerd through and through. I do Warhammer. I watch dodgy movies. I listen to Punk and New Wave. I play computer games (sometimes) I’ve LARPed.
And I like to think I can articulate to the next person, without going all frothy, why I enjoy these specific things. Let them see the joy and happiness your hobby (whatever it is) brings into your life. How it helps make you, you.
If your hobby (provided it’s legal and not morally ambiguous, natch) is a deal breaker for a would be significant other? Walk away. You’re not for them, they’re not for you.
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So, here's an aside, but it has a tangential link to the OP.
Should an attempt me made to convert the special person in your life into the Cult of Wargaming, if they are not a part of it... or is it better if you have separate hobbies?
BorderCountess wrote: Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...
Quixote wrote: Wargaming can be a little expensive sometimes and in the world of relationships money can be a sticking point.
I know it's odd to ask a Wargaming forum for relationship advice, but I'm considering most of you to be veterans in this arena.
Especially in the early part of a relationship (before you realize your significant other is insane, and your significant other realizes the same about you), how do you reasonably discuss dumping more money into little toy soldiers and shiny new rulebooks?
I am hoping to get some valuable advice (Without the unhelpful snark of it was either 40k or crack and I chose the more expensive option. ) on this issue.
Thank you.
Find out how much a round of golf costs locally. It is usually a LOT more expensive than a reasonable wargamer averages spending per week.
Wargaming is a bit pricey for a teenager. There are many adult hobbies that are vastly more expensive.
If you’re passionate about a hobby? Why hide it? Moderate it, sure. But don’t hide it.
Our hobbies are an important part of who we are. They’re how we unwind after work. They’re how we’ve bonded with others. They’re how we maintain our sanity.
Whilst there is something to be said for shared interests, a lot to be said to be honest? There’s also a lot to be said for having a separation in interests. Stuff you can go off and do on your own, that don’t require your partner to attend.
What matters is that you respect each others hobbies and interests. That is what’s important.
Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?
I'm a former 40K and WHFB player.
There is absolutely nothing about either that justifies the time or cost investment. The time investment is typically greater unless you pay to get your armies painted.
The rules quality has been consistently low.
The community quality varies heavily based on your location. It is not good in my area.
If you enjoy it, cool. Have fun. Don't expect that you can goad others into the game or justify it. You could pick up a low-tier PC for the cost of a naked 2000 point army.
The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy
I didn’t get into wargaming until after I was with my wife, but I was into spaceships, especially micromachines. When she came over, I made sure they weren’t all over the place. I’d recommend that for Warhammer as well: keep most of the minis out of sight at first with only your proudest painted/converted minis on display on your desk or dresser.
As you get to know each other, hobbies will naturally come out. Your hobbies reflect your creative side, something partner should enjoy discovering. So long as your minis aren’t all Buttless Chaps Marines or Daughters of the Boobs, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
I find it difficult at my age to point out that yes, I do have a pile of brightly colored plastic models at home, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
My hope of finding someone who accepts me and all of my quirks is important to me, either that or they are cute and enjoy kicking my ass occasionally in games, I'll take either option.
trexmeyer wrote: I'm a former 40K and WHFB player.
There is absolutely nothing about either that justifies the time or cost investment. The time investment is typically greater unless you pay to get your armies painted.
The rules quality has been consistently low.
The community quality varies heavily based on your location. It is not good in my area.
If you enjoy it, cool. Have fun. Don't expect that you can goad others into the game or justify it. You could pick up a low-tier PC for the cost of a naked 2000 point army.
Oh, I wasn't focused on Games Workshop products as there are other nerdy games I enjoy too.
If your partner sees that something makes you happy but still wants you to stop, it is not love. It's control.
At the same time, be open and do not get defensive for no reason every time you hear a negative opinion. If your partner asks you whether you maybe spend too much (for example buy stuff you never use anyway) consider their opinion fairly. Maybe they are right. Often it's difficult to see such things for ourselves, through the haze of self-justifications and denial.
Oh, and being ashamed of the hobby and hiding it is something unthinkable for me. Right people will appreciate the passion and quirkyness. Wrong people are not worth your time anyway (unless you want to lure a "wrong" person into a one-night stand, then maybe ).
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2025/03/22 09:08:06
In general these day I think there is more acceptance of nerd/geek stuff. It’s more mainstream. When I was younger, it was defiantly something you did not want to advertise. Not just the satanic panic stuff, but generally we were the outsiders and losers in the eyes of the world. These days even the in crowd jocks can play on the x-box and other things that were previously geek activities.
There is also the midset that comes with age. When young, you want to make yourself fit the perceived notion of what’s cool and popular. Even if that’s not really who you are. But as you get older, you realize that being yourself is more important. While fitting the popular mold might help you find someone, it’s probably not going to be the right someone long term. If you are just open and true to yourself, you will probably be happier overall, and while it might be harder to find a partner, your odds got up to find the right one. Your vibe attracts your tribe. Screw what other people think. You are who you are.
Nevelon wrote: There is also the midset that comes with age. When young, you want to make yourself fit the perceived notion of what’s cool and popular. Even if that’s not really who you are. But as you get older, you realize that being yourself is more important. While fitting the popular mold might help you find someone, it’s probably not going to be the right someone long term. If you are just open and true to yourself, you will probably be happier overall, and while it might be harder to find a partner, your odds got up to find the right one. Your vibe attracts your tribe. Screw what other people think. You are who you are.
This is pretty good advice. One thing I would add is that you need to keep your hobby in perspective in terms of the relationship. If the hobby is more important, you may want to adjust your priorities. Be conscious of the other's need to for time and money as well. If a family is something you are thinking about, understand that hobbies may have to be put on hold from time to time. I have seen people wreck their relationships because they could not moderate their hobby at all.
Generally speaking, there are two optimal outcomes. The first is that while you have things you do together, you also have things you do apart, and respect that. This is my father's relationship with my stepmother. He nerds out on his stuff, she does hers, and when they go on vacation, they find ways to cover all the bases.
The second is the one I have with my wife, which is where she and I have a lot of the same hobbies and while she's not as intensely into gaming as I am, she likes to play and understands my language and will smile appreciatively at my latest kit-bash. But even here, there have to a proper priorities - she wants her books, too, and there's only so much money in the household budget. Having toddlers running amok means the painting table was down for months at a time.
Of course, with time, you get another bunch of young gamers eager to see what Dad is up to, and now my grandson is the one facinated by the toy tanks and such. That's way down the line for most here, but it can sneak up on you and it is glorious. There is a certain peace of mind coming from the fact that your work will outlive you. The right relationship can lay that foundation.
Anyhow, the thing you really want to watch out for is someone who speaks of your hobby with tolerance but condescension. Like you'll "grow out of it" or it's so silly. That way leads to disaster, madness and - even worse - divorce. I'm sure you've heard the stories of the property settlements. Back in the day, no one thought about gaming much, but those tiny toys now have considerable cash value and that will be included in the settlement. If you thought they were pricey the first time around, wait till you get to buy them again!
And yes, I have friends that got to start over because of this. Choose wisely.
I had a buddy that raffled off all his miniatures for charity before he passed from this world.
And if you are super bored - read some family law cases. In NY you can now add personal property to your restraining order - I'm sure there's some fun case out there where a spouse has to stay 500 feet from a Space Marine chapter.
BorderCountess wrote: Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
Ask and talk about their hobbies. At the very least, they probably spend as much as you do on them.
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
Zed wrote: *All statements reflect my opinion at this moment. if some sort of pretty new model gets released (or if I change my mind at random) I reserve the right to jump on any bandwagon at will.
Grey Templar wrote: Ask and talk about their hobbies. At the very least, they probably spend as much as you do on them.
I don't want it to turn into a competition.
You spend × so I should be able to spend ×... does not work from personal experience.
The point isn't to turn it into a competition, but to show interest in what your partner is passionate about... much as you hope they'll show at least some interest in what you're passionate about.
Grey Templar wrote: Ask and talk about their hobbies. At the very least, they probably spend as much as you do on them.
I don't want it to turn into a competition.
You spend × so I should be able to spend ×... does not work from personal experience.
The point isn't to turn it into a competition, but to show interest in what your partner is passionate about... much as you hope they'll show at least some interest in what you're passionate about.
Exactly. It also establishes that you both spend money on stuff the other may not understand, so lets not be going back and forth over it.
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
The point isn't to turn it into a competition, but to show interest in what your partner is passionate about... much as you hope they'll show at least some interest in what you're passionate about.
You might find new mutually enjoyable things in common. Even taking the time to learn can generate mutual respect.
It's also not just about money. After I had to sight through some of those dreadful Twilight movies, I got no complaint about my next hobby purchases. She knew I earned it.
You want to aim it as a hobby that's a fun way to unwind, but not an obsession.
Anyone who doesn't like their partner having a fun hobby isn't someone you want to get involved with, but taking it to the extremem no-one wants a partner that's a trope of 'that guy' who can do nothing but talk about their particular hobby.
There’s buying and building your army and playing the game. But there’s also the painting side, and the many, many books out there.
It can from a certain perspective look like a singular obsession. But with so many different parts to it, it’s just something you can engage in across various hobbies (model building, art, reading, gaming). It’s just where the next person might do those same things, they may not have a single unified source like Warhammer offers.
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Ultramarines, 3rd Co. and friends, 16k+ 
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