Primarch Perturabo of Iron Warriors, my comander would have kicked the lion's butt too if his own second in comand didn't do it first. How can the Dark angles be better if they can't keep their own "Loyal" capter together?
And at least My high comander, Primarch Perturabo is still alive, unlike Dorn OR Lion.
Boss SNIKROT wrote:THE LONGEST 40K JOKE LIST EVER!
The Top Ten List: Dark Angels VS. Imperial Fists
Reason #10
Dark Angels wear nifty GREEN armor; Imperial Fists wear YELLOW - 'nuff said!
Reason #9
Unlike Primarch Rogal Dorn of the Imperial Fists, Dark Angel Primarch Lion el'Jonson never had his ass kicked by Primarch Perturabo of Iron Warriors.
Reason #8
Unlike Primarch Rogal Dorn of Imperial Fists, Dark Angel Primarch Lion el'Jonson never had his ass kicked by Primarch Night Haunter of Night Lords (do we see a trend here?).
Reason #7
When the Emperor had to have one of his Legions stay behind and guard Earth while the others traveled the Galaxy gaining fame and glory, Rogal Dorn jumped up and down shouting "Pick Me, Pick Me?I'll do it?"
Reason #6
Never had to have ass saved by Ultramarines, unlike the Imperial Fists after being pinned down for months by the Iron Warriors.
Reason #5
Dark Angels have the greatest victory record of all the Emperor's Legions. Imperial Fists are 0-1-1 (no recorded victories, lost to Iron Warriors and they like to call the defense of Earth a "Draw").
Reason #4
Lion el'Jonson fought Leman Russ toe-to-toe for a day with neither Primarch besting the other. Rogal Dorn would have used the famous "Play Dead and Run Away" tactic.
Reason #3
Dark Angels have lots of nifty special items like the Sword of Secrets; what were the Imperial Fists things again?can't seem to remember?
Reason #2
Dark Angels would have NEVER screwed up the defense of Earth and got everyone killed. And where exactly was Rogal Dorn when everyone else attacked Horus?.
And?.
Reason #1
Did I mention the YELLOW armor?
That was stupid. Very, very stupid.
Apparently someone put together a hierarchy of colors and yellow was below green. Who knew?
I'm a fan of the commissar shooting the Emperor, but there has to be 40k humor aside from commissar jokes.
WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned. http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
OK, I didn't write any of these, but they are funny. > >1) Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter B-----s" nor >shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," >lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a >shuttle. >2) Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the Inquisitor's head. >3) Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike. >4) Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making >yourselves less effective on the morn. >5) Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude." >6) Orks are not "cute!" >7) Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons. >8) Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor >shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin." >9) The Chapter Master is not a "drag." >10) Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking >down the barrel! >11) Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister Of Battle monasteries. >12) Thou shalt not use thy scope for anything outside of battle. Anyone >caught using them to spy out life mates shall lose privileges. >13) Do not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market. >14) Though it is entertaining, thou shalt not wave a fly swatter near the >Tyranid fleets. >15) Thou shalt not use thine chainsword as a backscratcher. >16) Thou shalt not use thine pistol as a q-tip. >17) Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy >metal" or "death metal" through thine COM speakers. >18) Although tempting, do not attempt to give a Tau a "high-five." >19) Thou shalt not laugh at how small IG men are. >20) Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act >upon your own free will. >21) Though shalt not tap the glass on the Dreadnought. >22) Though shalt not feed the Orks. >23) Though shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters through the >Astropaths. >24) Though shalt not advertise on thine armour. >25) Though shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers. 1) thou shall not >chase thy Gretchen with a fork. >26) Thou shall not wave a red flag near a chaos dreadnought. >27) Thou shall not tape pictures to your armour. >28) Thou shall not release spiders inside the dreadnought. >29) Thou shall not use thy bolter to kill bees. >30) Thou shall not sniff warp fumes. >31) Thou shall eat they rations. >32) Thou shall not steal thy commander’s dinner. >33) Thou shall not take the Predator for a walk. >34) Thou shall not use the land raider to pick up chicks. >35) Thou shall beware of strange noise in back of thy land raider. >36) Thou shall guard thy bolter when camping with Imperial Guard. >37) Thou shall not use bug bomb against the nids. >38) Thou shall not play Internet games with Tzeentch. >39) Thou shall not e-mail the emperor. >40) Thou shall not e-mail the Emperor (or anyone) SPAM! >41) Thou should beware of thy Lictor behind cardboard bushes. >42) Terminators and glue do not mix. >43) Thou shall not spray paint armour to make it look cool. >44) Thou shall not have water gun fights with lasguns. (the guard needs them) >45) Thou shall not juggle power weapons. >46) Thou shall not hid video links in the Sisters of Battle's monastery. >47) Grenades are not water balloons. >48) Thou shall not use insect repellent vs. ‘nids. >49) Thou shall not use waterguns vs. Necron. >50) Thou shall not piss on the Iron Halo. >51) Daemons are not your friends. >52) Barney the Dinosaur is not your friend. >53) Barney is a heretic. >54) Barney merchandise are simply prohibited >55) Barney is not a ‘nid >56) Digimon are not in the 40K universe. >57) Digimon are not affiliated with the Necron. >58) Pokemon are not Digimon! >59) Pokemon are not fun to play with. >60) Thous shall not steal candy from babies/orks/gretchin/Commissar >61) Don't play "Truth or Dare" with Sisters. >62) Don't play "Spin the Bottle" with Sisters. >63) Don't play "Hangman" with the Inquisitor or Berserker. >64) Thou shall ignore strange voice in your head. >65) Thou shall not put a cork in the Inquisitors pistol. >66) Thou shall not use the Lasgun as a flashlight. >67) Thou shall not hide the Landraider under a lake. >68) The land raider is not a hotel room! >69) Spiking the beer is forbidden. >70) Shotguns are not practice guns. >71) Thou shall not steal half the imperial arsenal for disco lights! >72) Pixie wings are not jump packs >73) Thou shall no replace the Librarians staff with a "Magician's >Wand". >74) Thy shall not tip the Terminators over during battle. >75) Thou shall not attempt to kill Tyranids with Mortein. >76) Thou shall not do it to Slaanesh. >77) Thou shall not do it to Nurgle (who would?) >78) Thou shall not refer to Lasguns as torches. >79) Guard will not be referred to as 'spotlighters' >80) "Murder in the dark" is prohibited when Chaos forces are captured. >81) Thou shall not make fun of Chaos rusty Power Armour. (We need >someone decent to fight with) >82) Thou shall not do Spock impersonations around Eldar. >83) Don't give ˜Fairy wings to Eldar. >84) Thou shall not make liposuction jokes around Eldar >Magnificent Seven. >85) Thou shall not return books late. >86) Thou shall not trade thine bike for a skateboard. >87) Thou shall not ignore the Chaplain as he recites the tales of Spot the >Dog. >88) Putting corks into the engines of a Landspeeder is not funny. >89) C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador >90) Darth Vader is not the son of Abaddon >91) Thou shall not stay awake after 'lights out' unless expressly ordered! >92) Thou shall not use the sentinel Powerlifter as a magnet for the sisters. >93) If thou lose thine hand you shall not nab one of the Imperial Guard. >94) Thou shall not waterfight with civilians. >95) "It makes a funny noise," is not an excuse for punching Imperial >Guardsmen >96) "He started it," is not an excuse for punching Imperial Guardsmen >97) Thou shall not get a Sister intoxicated for thy own pleasures. >98) Thou shall not play monster with Orks. >99) Thou shall not taunt a Dreadnaught within reach of his foot by calling >him "The Tin Man" from ˜Wizard of Oz." >100) Thou shalt not sexually harass the servitors even if they won't >notice. >101) Thou shalt not have an ice cream Superfantasical Day. >102) Thou's name is not GiX. >103) Thou shalt not smoke/inhale/inject illegal pharmaceuticals into thy >holy body even though your advanced physiological structure could probably >withstand the effects. >104) Thou shalt not put "Ecstasy" in the punch when Battle Sisters arrive >for a formal meeting with the Chapter's Authorities. >105) Thou shalt not practise vampiric tendencies despite your urge to do so. >106) Thou shalt not howl when the Chapter Master bends over. (Full Moon >Out Tonight! hehe) >107) You shall not dare others to eat that squiggly thing. >108) You shall not comment on being a better shot then the inquisitor. >109) The chaplain is not too preachy. >110) Gambling for grots is not allowed. >111) Your Sgt. is not a pugdy b-----d.. >112) You shall not smack the sister's butt and then wink at her. >113) The lab research 'nids are not for emergency rations. >114) No you cannot take the emperor titan for a spin. >115) You cannot use a flamer to cook a whole cow and leave none for the >others. >116) Set fly strips outside your tent in a Tyranid war zone. >117) Thou shall not wear Lord Commander Dante's Death Mask (or any Death >Masks at all for that matter) on Halloween, any other masquerade parties >or for fun, when not in battle! >118) Thou shall not try to see how much a Death Company marine can take >(physical and/or psychical)! >119) Thou shall not put "tags" on the Holy Shrouds and/or Banners or write >on it in anyway at all! >120) Rico's Roughnecks are not real. >121) Thou shall not over-charge thou bike! >122) Thou shall not use the over-charged engines for "drag-racing"! >123) Thou shall not have a Blood-party (as in tea-party) with Mephiston >during battle! >124) Thou shall not play "no blinking" with Mephiston! >125) Thou shall not give Tycho an Ork for his Birthday (or any day at all >for that matter) or speak him about Orks! >126) Thou shall not release Morriar from his restrainment or tap in his >vital liquids! >127) Thou shall not ask the Sanguinary Priest for something to drink! >128) Thou shall obey these 10 commandments! (ain't counting hard when >being a scout? ed.) >129) Thou shall not use thy Jump Packs to "fry your diner"! >130) Thou shall not use thy Jump Packs to get "KFC" or "MacDonald's" >131) Thou shall not kill each other because "thou are the real Sanguinous"! >132) Thou shall not make wounds to resemble the wounds of thou mighty >Primarch...the Chaplain paints these on your armour! >133) Thou shall not "make bunny-ears" with thy fingers behind the Chaplain >whilst he gives battle-orders. >135) Thou shall not fake death in order to get blood from the Sanguinary >Priests. >136) Thou shall keep thou armour on, although thou might think thou are >invincible, thou DO need the armour! >137) Thou shall not fall asleep whilst the Chaplain is in prayer! >138) Thou shall not use thy weapons upon thyself, thou still can get hurt! >139) Thou shall not jump out in front of the Rhino to get into the fight >whilst still in motion...wait for orders to disembark! >140) Thou shall look both ways before crossing the street. >141) Thou shall not try to "steal" assaults away from >battle-brothers....they are allowed some fun too! >142) Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (in a similar >manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins >of baked beans) >143) Thou shalt not make jokes about the Tyranid's mighty One-Eyed monster. >144) Thou shalt not mistake the Harlequin's Kiss for some fruity clown prank. >145) Thou shalt not light cigarettes near the Hellhounds. >146) Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on >your ex-wife. >147) Genestealers ARE NOT trying to rob you of your denim trousers. >148) John Howard/Tony Blair/President Bush are not aliens or Robots! >149) Thou shalt not call the firearms of the Imperial Guard 'Sega Lock-Ons'. >150) Thou shalt not call the Adeptus Arbites 'pigs', or 'the filth'. 151) >Thou shall not place buckets of water over the Inquisitors door. >152) Inquisitors are not ‘Nigel no friends’ >153) Thou shall not use thou's laser site to blind Imperial Guard. >154) Thou shall not remove the Imperial Guards power packs from their >Lasguns while they are asleep. >155) Thou shall not play Frisbee with a Tau Shield Drone. >156) Remember a Primach is for life not for Christmas. >157) Thou shalt not eat toast in your power armour, (coz I'm not going to >hoover the crumbs out of the toes again) >158) Thou shalt not put fridge magnets on thy power armour, (even if you >have been to Cornwall.) >159) Thou shalt not tune into FM rock on your intercom. >160) Thou shalt not put bananas in the commander's rhino's exhaust pipes. >161) Thou shalt not hang "Pine Fresh" on Moriar (even if he is a bit ripe >by now!) >162) Scented Pine Trees hanging off Rear Vision mirrors in favour of the >Dice, is now prohibited. >163) Thou shalt not offer to clean the sister's armour whilst they change. >164) Thou shall not use Power weapons or Chain-weapons to cut your food! >165) Thou shall remove the batteries from weapons to put in your RC toys! >166) Thou shall not swap the salt and pepper! >167) Thou shall not play "I see, I see what you don't see" over the >intercom during battles! >168) Thou shall not "go out to get cigarettes" during prayers! >167) Thou shall not make remarks about the physical appearance of Sisters! >168) Thou shall not swap your battle-brothers gun with a waterpistol. >169) Thou shall not do any toxication (i.e. alcohol) contests with >Imperial Guards! >170) Thou shall not ask a Sister if her armour isn't too small! >171) Thou shall not ask a Sister about her age! >172) ˜No" mean "No"
>173) Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might donate some of your own >Gene-Seed! >174) Thou shall not make cat-sounds when Sisters argue! >175) Thou shall refer to Sister Supreme as ËœMistress!" >176) Thou shall not refer to Ork Dreadnoughts as garbage bins. >177) Thou shall not make funny noises during a speech/prayer! >178) Thou shall not "play shooting range" with Gretchens! >179) Thou shall not brag about how many you've killed with a Dark Eldar! >180) Thou shall not write or "put tags" on vehicles and/or armour! >181) Thou shall not use Servitors to catch your paper! >182) Thou shall not play "fetch" with 'nids using grenades! >183) Thou shall not indulge in squig eating contests >184) Thou shall not remind your commander how many times he has been slain >by the badly coloured nid. >185) Thou shall leave the plasma gun well and truly alone. >186) Russian roulette doesn't work with automatic weapons. >187) Thou shall not shave the space wolves while they are asleep
>>Thou shalt not hum cartoon theme songs when around the Tau (think Smurfs) >188) Thou shalt not refuse the Sisters your chocolate rations, especially >during the time of the "Red rage" >189) Thou shalt never refer to the size of a Sisters rear armour. >190) Thou shall always offer to rub Sisters feet after battle. I need not >explain why. >191) Thou shall always carry thine universal remote control when facing >Necrons. >192) Thou shalt never offer to sell your soul to the Dark Eldar for beer >money. Not even in jest. >193) Thou shall never ask a Demonette for some "handiwork", else though >will have to join the Sisters. >193) Thou shall not load the dice. >194) Thou shall not move that extra little inch in movement phase. >195) Thou shall not fire thy bolter at enemies you can't really see but at >a leg sticking out of a building. >196) Thou shall follow thy rulebook. >197) Thou shall not make up rules. >198) Thou are not fearless. >199) Thou shall not laugh at the cultist. >200) Thou shall beware of bird poo when greater daemon of Tzeentch is around. >201) Thou shall not throw soap at Nurglings. >202) Thou shall not use penicillin tipped bolts in your boltgun vs. >Nurglings. >203) Thou shall not waste thy 15 minutes free time trying to get laid. >204) Thou shall beware of possessed 2 litre coke bottles. >205) Thou shall not stare at feet during battle march. >206) Thou shall not aim at thy commander's back. >207) Thou shall watch thy footsteps. >208) Beware of the drunken Leman Russ. >209) Thou shall not binge drink with guard. >210) Thou shall not challenge a daemon prince to a fistfight. >211) Thou is not expendable. >212) Thou shall look before you leap. >213) Thou shall not bring your sack lunch to battle. >214) Thou shall not use they bike as a battering ram. >215) Thou shall beware of potholes and speed bumps. >216) Lord Login is not "Wolfie" >217) Seraphims do not want to join the "mile high club" >218) Spiky bits are not meant for hanging laundry on >219) Ultramarine Scout’s are not "little boy blue" >220) Never refer to Canoness as "big momma" >220) Thous shall not put kick me signs on battle brothers backs >221) Thou shalt not nail Nurglings to the back of the rhino as fuzzy >decorations. >222) Thou shalt not put itching powder in an Dreadnaught. >223) Thou shalt not wink suggestively at demonettes. >224) Thou shalt not use a can opener on Ork Dreadnaughts >225) Thou shalt not replace the commissars' comm.-link with a plasma >grenade for a laugh. >226) Thou shalt not refer to Armoured companies as "Anglophobes" >227) Thou shalt not ask Techmarines to put "mag wheels" on your bike. >228) Thou shalt not use a looted Terrorfex on Halloween. >229) Thou shalt not sneak into the rock while the Dark angels are asleep >and discover that their secret is that all the high ranking angels wear >Dresses! >230) Thou shalt not invite babes back to the monastery >231) Thou shalt not spike drinks with Sanguineus Blood >232) Thou shall not step on guardsmen and then say that you didn't see them. >233) Thou shalt not refer to Paul Sawyer as "The Great Unclean One" >234) Thou shalt not call a Dark Angel "Jessica Alba" >235) Thou shalt not give a Sister of Battle breast implants. >236) Thou shalt never say anything about the Squats. >237) Thou shalt not overheat a Plasma Gun for a collage prank. >238) Thou shalt not give the Death Company caffeine. >239) Thou shalt not insult a Thousand Son about his penis. >240) Thou shalt not taunt a Space Wolf with a piece of steak. >241) Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne. >242) Thou shalt not poop thy power armour. >243) Thou shalt not make mention of the irony that a Grot blaster is a >Lasgun, only the Orks admit it is crappy. >244) Thou shalt not overcook thine Pentium and use it as a plasma weapon. >245) Thou shalt not intentionally overheat a plasma weapon and give it to >an IG. >246) Thou shalt not trip over Tau. >247) Thou shalt not attempt to steal a Tau's weapon "to give to the poor >guardsmen." >248) Thou shalt not moon the Tau in combat. They are good shots. >249) Thou shalt not invoke the wraith of conures. If you are foolish >enough to do so, a conure the size of two to four titans shall descend >upon the table and inflict his wraith. >250) Thou shalt not attempt to borrow Tau stealth suits so that you might >spy on the sisters in their quarters. >251) Thou shalt not attempt to rebuild a Necron as a washing machine. >252) Thou shalt not laugh at the poorly painted armies. >253) Thou shalt not play 'fetch' with a Kroot flesh-hound using a guardsman. >254) Thou shalt not go big game fishing for Manta Missile Destroyers. >255) Thou shalt not try to change the batteries on a Scarab. >256) Thou shalt not use the Blades of Reason to trim thy fingernails. >257) Thou shalt not feed the warp beasts. >258) Thou shalt not pet the Kroot hounds >259) Thou shalt not ask the Sisters whether it's "dyed" or ˜real". >260) Thou shalt not call Old One Eye "Surf and Turf" >261) Thou shalt not moonlight as a security guard if thine armour is red. >262) Thou shalt not use the Hellhound to cook thy rations. >263) Thou shalt not use thy Power armours vid-link to prank call the >Imperial guard storm troopers >264) Thou shalt not sneak up on thy commanding officer, and yell "BLOOD >FOR THE BLOOD GOD" in his ear. >265) Thy bolter is not to be used to shoot cans off walls. >266) Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control" >267) Thou shalt not use blind grenades to sneak into the Sister's encampment. >268) Thou shalt not mention the name "Buffy" when near the Blood Angels. >269) Thou shalt not use Necron Scarabs as "Boogie Boards" >270) Thou shalt not steal the Land Speeder to "Pick up Sisters" >271) The Leman Russ is not a kettle. Do not attempt to use it to make tea. >272) Thou shalt not attempt to empty your waste-paper basket into an Ork >Dreadnought. >273) Thou shall not refer to the Rhino as a "Clown Car" >274) When throwing they holiest of His grenades always count to three, yes >three, not one, for it is not the holiest of numbers, or two, for the >holiness of two pales in comparison, but three, yes three, not one or two, >unless thou shalt be proceeding to three. >275) Thou shall never call Harlequins Psychedelic. >276) Thou shall never show an army of Orks more than two harlequins at once. >277) Thou shall never laugh at the laughing god. >278) Thou shall never play *Hide and Seek* with librarians or Inquisitors. >279) Thou shall not play *tag* with gaunts. >280) Thou shall never Tie power armour laces together. >281) Thou shall never say, "Resistance is Futile" to the Adeptus Mechanicus. >282) Adeptus Mechanicus are not the "Borgs". >283) Thou shall never Criticize the *paper boyz* in the Adeptus i just copied and pasted this is not mine
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned. http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
Two Scout Marines
A small group of space marines find themselves isolated on a forest world. The Captain needs the woodland area explored but can only spare two noobie scouts, scout brother David and scout brother Charlie. They are worried about being off on their own and the captain assures them by saying that he will be on the comms. If they get into any trouble just call him and follow his commands to the letter and all with be fine.
Well the scouts travel into the woods and begin their exploration. A half an hour later the captain gets a call from David who is near panicking:
Scout Brother David: "Scout Brother Charlie and I were ambushed by a poisonous creature. It has wounded Scout Brother Charlie who has collapsed I fear him dead!"
Captain: "Is the creature slain?"
Scout Brother David: "Yes I dispatched it with my boltpistol"
Captain: "Good, now I need you to go over to Scout Brother Charlie and make sure he is dead. Then report back for further instruction."
Scout Brother David: "Yes Sir! " (Sounds of the boltpistol being fired several times) " I am sure now captain - now what?"
Awesome because its a 40k game: sure why not
Awesome because it is a good game: ....Unsure
Fun to mess around with for an old PS2 game sure, but something about it just puts me off a bit. Perhaps its because I play Guard, and mowing them down is a little different.
Oh well. Its still fun to run around shooting people, even if you pick up the Guardsmens' lasguns half the time.
These The Commandments of the Adeptus Astartes I loved.
11) Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister Of Battle monasteries.
26) Thou shall not wave a red flag near a chaos dreadnought.
176) Thou shall not refer to Ork Dreadnoughts as garbage bins.
174) Thou shall not make cat-sounds when Sisters argue!
216) Lord Login is not "Wolfie"
@Garret: It's been posted several times before. I liked it the first time. The second time rather less so, and the third time even less. It's an awful lot of text to be quad posted.
@Cheese Elemental: Should have said "Not Mind Safe" as opposed to "Not Work Safe". I pretty much knew what was going to happen before I was done with the first paragraph, but still. Hilarious in a sick way.
Cheese Elemental wrote:I fear I have forever scarred your minds.
Excellent.
There sould be a picture of you like Mr. Burns. "Excellent".
Why?!? I was so new to the internet! So young...so...hopeful... I must now wander the Earth as an outcast, trying to repiece the fragments of my mind...
If my understanding of the warp is correct, then slannesh becomes more powerfull with every reading od it? Thewn again we are too early in the timeline for that. Mayby the squad broken larping society will create slannesh... (I'm a better prophet then Eldrad now!)
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
. Wait I thikn we can replicate that WITH the smileys!
And FIN
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned. http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
. Wait I thikn we can replicate that WITH the smileys! And FIN
HA-HA-HA!!! That was great KC!!! Well done. With that, King Cracker wins the Thread (or at least this part of it)
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
. Wait I thikn we can replicate that WITH the smileys!
And FIN
Unless you are describing your sexual fantasy you are not even close
yourdaddy wrote:hey, im looking for a funny 40k comic with family guy in it. cant find it in this thread,or on google, anyone know where i can find it?
Cheese Elemental wrote:WARNING: the link below is NOT safe for work, school, or anywhere you might get in trouble. You may be sickened and offended. You have been warned.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Squad_broken It's still hilarious.
thats the most sick thing I ever read.. christ, even the ork smileys look creepy now..
. Wait I thikn we can replicate that WITH the smileys!
And FIN
HA-HA-HA!!! That was great KC!!! Well done. With that, King Cracker wins the Thread (or at least this part of it)
The smileys are almost as bad as the story itself. Which was hilarious/sickening.
This one time during the Great Crusade, the Dark Angels were besieging some fort somewhere under the command of their Primarch. Despite being surrounded by a legion of f#$%^&s to mock, the dude in charge of the fortress started making fun of Leman Russ for being furry, calling him and his whole legion a bunch of yiffs. Obviously, this pissed the guy off, so he attacked.
The Dark Angels had made a whole bunch of intricate plans and such to conquer the fortress, but when Russ showed up, he just kicked in the doors and started killing everybody. This, in turn, pissed off El Johnson, who used the castles back door and royally f@#$ed up the guy that had pissed of Russ so much. When good ole' Russ found out, he beat the s@#$ out of the dress-wearing f@#$%^ for like, three days straight. Then he started laughing at how pathetic Lion was, who sucker-punched Russ in the face with a power fist, despite the fact that he only had a sword on him.
After realizing what he had done, Lion took his legion and ran the f#$% away. Russ woke up a few minutes later, quite angry at the fact that he had a major migraine that was not alcohol induced.
Lion went on to get half his legion converted to chaos, his planet blown up, and his self lost.
Russ went on the kick a whole lot of a$%. He was last seen leading a bunch of his home dogs into the Eye of Terror for a keg-party on Logan's World. That was ten thousand years ago, and Chaos Marines are still fleeing the area under the excuse of "Black Crusades."
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"Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider Ridin' on a Segway, bam ba-ba-bam-bam-BAM!"
"He's got a helmet on an', he's wearin' flak armor an', don't that Battle Sister look surprised!"
"Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider Ridin' on a Segway, bam ba-ba-bam-bam-BAM!"
A little known fact that there has only ever been one event ever that registered more than 0.5 CNRK, but no record exists because it destroyed the universe and made a new one all at once.
You know, Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris in a straight up fight in 'Way of the Dragon' or somesuch film. Though it was before Chuck had a beard (but mountains of back hair).
That made no sense what so ever. He was just kind of babbleing on about PARENTS WITH SMALL CHILDREN. And how about we are all terrible poeple with no life.
@ Happy Grunt, there used to be a page there that went into great detail abou thte fascist and militant elements of Warhammer 40k at a very serious thinking level. As in he thought all of the fluff of the inquisition was targeted at kids so they would turn into the next gestapo.
Gwar! wrote:I rate this thread 0.0000000000000001 CNRK.
A little known fact that there has only ever been one event ever that registered more than 0.5 CNRK, but no record exists because it destroyed the universe and made a new one all at once.
Your logic is flawed. Surely a CNRK = a CNRK. So for it to exist, it has to have happened.
lalabox wrote:So for it to exist, it has to have happened.
Nope. Kelvin scale is a good example. It is based of Absolute Zero, the coldest temperature possible. It is actually impossible to reach that temperature, but it is used as a Theoretical base.
lalabox wrote:So for it to exist, it has to have happened.
Nope. Kelvin scale is a good example. It is based of Absolute Zero, the coldest temperature possible. It is actually impossible to reach that temperature, but it is used as a Theoretical base.
However we know for a fact that Chuck Norris has actually done a roundhouse kick.
I here that's how Princess Dianna died - it wasn't the paparazi, it was just that her drunk driver nearly ran over Chuck Norris who was jogging through the tunnel at 45mph. He couldn't get out of the way so he had to round house the car.
Very sad.
Automatically Appended Next Post: See - photographic proof...
(just in case anyone is wondering why Chuck Norris is in a 40K thread - well he is the Emporer - duh!)
Anung Un Rama wrote:I just want to add, that I don't understand at all why anyone would ever think of creating a crossover with Family Guy and 40k. I just don't get it.
Me, either. How does adding one unfunny thing to another unfunny thing produce humor?
Gwar! wrote:I rate this thread 0.0000000000000001 CNRK.
A little known fact that there has only ever been one event ever that registered more than 0.5 CNRK, but no record exists because it destroyed the universe and made a new one all at once.
The last part of the last line is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy. The answer is 42
Nurglitch wrote:Roughrider squads on Segways, eh? This could lead to something...
There's a company in Oxford, MS that makes offroad Segways that look a lot like that one. They're designed for trail riding with knobby tires.
The Segway dealer in town (how the frack did Tupelo, MS end up with a Segway dealership?!?) organizes Segway polo where they use cordless leaf blowers to blow a beachball around on a soccer field. The US military played around with the idea of dropping Segways with paratroopers so they could haul more gear faster out of the dropzone, but they couldn't harden them enough, cheap enough for the budget they had.
Contrary to popular belief GW is a pretty funny company. Yeah ok, he turns all your money onto plastic, but come on you knew that was going to happen.
So i'm chilling with GW and hes telling everybody about this new inquisitor game hes going to release. Hes explaining how there will be deamons and imperial guard and space marines in it. The guys at the store are just loving it.
"Cant wait to play it"
"Sounds cool"
What happens next is a thing of beauty. GW shoves these large "Inquisitor" books up their rears and steals their car. As we are driving away GW looks at me and laughs "Wait till they find out the minis are 120mm scale.....and then after they buy them I'll cancel all support".
Well GW laughs so hard we hit a telephone pole and i break my collarbone. The kicker, GW sends these guys the repair bill by raising the prices on all their miniatures, again.
Funny guy that GW
Automatically Appended Next Post: Contrary to popular belief GW is a pretty good company, sure they jack up thier prices and steal your gas money and replace it with flashy packaging, but its not like you didn't get a fair warning from other players.
So i remember this one time I'm hanging with old GW, watching some guys playing some good old epic scale and warmaster. In comes old GW and he takes warmaster away and turns epic scale into a big steaming pile of turd.
As he walks away the guys are crying about how will they play big games. In walks GW hes got a big box on his shoulder that says 40k Apocalypse on it.
"OHHH shiney new" I hear these guys say "we must have it".
GW turns and winks at me, i know whats coming next. He jams apocalypse down their throat and steals their wallets. As he walks by he says "Just wait till planet strike comes out, I'll get them to pay $50 to replace their Styrofoam buildings with new $100 flashy plastic ones"
I give him a high five...he deserves it, shatters my credit rating and takes my house.
Nice guy that GW
Automatically Appended Next Post: Contrary to popular belief GW is a pretty funny guy. Sure he repackages your favorite minis from years ago and charges you 4 times the amount. But sometimes you gotta see that coming.
So i'm just hanging with GW one day drinking 40s and having a nice time at the store. These guys walk in and they are complaining about the cost of their metal toys.
GW stand up magnanimously and says "The price of your metal is just too expensive, i will make it my new campaign to switch everything to plastic for you."
Now knowing GW the way I do I expect him to do something violent......but he just walks away. I don't see him for a few days.
A few days later GW walks in with a bunch of boxes of plastic minis. Hes showing them to everyone and everyone is just loving them. He walks them up to the register and gives me a wink. He then grabs the closest guy and body slams these little pieces of plastic into every orifice he can find, tuning them all into big pinatas. The in a feet of multitasking unseen even in the 41 millennium, he simultaneously empties this guys retirement fund and his kids college fund. Everyone else just runs.
Later that day we are walking back to his car and he looks sad. So I ask" GW why the long face."
He replies, "Well i put alot of work into those plastics and some people think they are expensive and what their metal minis back, so you know what i'm going to do?"
See there is this look in his eye that i've seen before, this evil genius look and hes got it big time.
"I'll let them get thier metal minis but they will be 4 times as expensive.......and i'll only make it mail order."
So now we walk to his pimp ride and he looks at me kicks hes $20,000 rims and say, "Metals expensive!" I've never seen him laugh so hard. He then loses control of his car runs over my skateboard and throws a sprue of chaos marines terminators at me to cover the cost. "They are like gold" he says as he drives off. I'm still picking plastic spiky bits out of my forehead to this day.
He postsed the EXACT same thing in another forum earlier. I think its another one of those "WAAAAAAHHH GW makes me angry so while I still play the game and take part on websites that are all about GW stuff, Im going to piss and moan about how lame they are!!!! WAAHHH" types.
YEEEHAAAAAWW FOR CRY BABIES!!!
I thought Andrew1975's post was more interesting than funny I'm afraid. And i did notice it appearing a few times elsewhere as well.
==Off Topic==
I drive a car, does that mean I have no rights to complain about fuel prices and costs if I think they are unreasonable? Some people have a genuine distaste for the way GW runs their company. But this is a humour thread not a hate thread so....
==On Topic==
The picture of the Marine Bicycle kind of reminds me of GTA. GTA 40K anyone? I can see why he'd use a bicycle, he wouldn't exactly fit in any of the cars.
Look this was never meant to be hate speech and i'm sorry if people took it that way i wont post anymore. I just see alot of GW criticism and thought it would be funny to turn it into something creative and positive that we could all have fun with. I thought I was funny, but you have corrected me, i now realize i'm a hack. I'm sorry. PS not trolling so no additional comments needed.
@Andrew1975
I don't think you were trolling or posting a hate speech. As I said, I may not have found it "hahaha" funny, but it was interesting to read and in some ways amusing too as I could see what you were trying to insinuate about GW so please continue to post. If I have offended then that was not my intent.
@Black and White Marine pic.... facepalm lmao you made me laugh "Dreadnote"
hellsguardian316 wrote:@Andrew1975
I don't think you were trolling or posting a hate speech. As I said, I may not have found it "hahaha" funny, but it was interesting to read and in some ways amusing too as I could see what you were trying to insinuate about GW so please continue to post. If I have offended then that was not my intent.
@Black and White Marine pic.... facepalm lmao you made me laugh "Dreadnote"
o rly?
sorry, I just had to say that, need more new pics..
The C'Tan - Working together towards that carbon-neutral Monolith.
My missus likes to play with my Grey Knights sometimes. She calls them my "little men". Her mum was round at the flat one day and I'd left Brother-Captain Stern sitting in my box of paints on the coffee table. The mother-in-law is shifting the paints so's she can put her cup of tea down and she asks me what they are.
"They're his little paints", my dearly beloved chimes in, "He's been sitting there painting his little man with them all morning."
My mate's wife plays too. She plays mech Sisters and she's quite good, despite an obsessive attachment to her Repentia squad, although Degs has to paint her models for her because she just can't do it. One day me, Degs, and a few non-gaming mates from work are sitting in his living room watching the rugby when Lisa pops her head in and asks Degs about car insurance or something. He answers, she leaves. She then pops her head back in and says;
"By the way, have you finished with that Mistress yet?"
One last thing regarding girls and gaming; using beauty products and preening tools for modelling is not acceptable. For instance, using her £6-a-jar hair pomade as a release agent for your Green Stuff moulds will get you a slap.
"Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider Ridin' on a Segway, bam ba-ba-bam-bam-BAM!"
"He's got a helmet on an', he's wearin' flak armor an', don't that Battle Sister look surprised!"
"Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider ridin' on a Segway, Roughrider Ridin' on a Segway, bam ba-ba-bam-bam-BAM!"
just type darealwurld into deviant art you should find it. and second the big (accidental, apparently) joke is that an EQUESTRIAN is a person who rides a horse. ergo brother lieutenant, brotherlieutenant wants a young jockey.
oh and i noticed that that pic was loaded up already, sorry.
Cheese Elemental wrote:Damn right. They can sexualise anything. Yes, even potplants and chairs.
Well I'd be willing to bet theres one or two things 4chan can't sexualize but you'd be hard pressed to find them. Perhaps ideas, Maybe they couldn't sexualize certain concepts.
Cheese Elemental wrote:Damn right. They can sexualise anything. Yes, even potplants and chairs.
Well I'd be willing to bet theres one or two things 4chan can't sexualize but you'd be hard pressed to find them. Perhaps ideas, Maybe they couldn't sexualize certain concepts.
I can't believe that no one has made a joke about the fact that Abbadon contains "ABBA." If I had photoshop/illustrator at home I'd do it. But I don't. Someone else produce an amusing image!
Mad Rabbit wrote:I can't believe that no one has made a joke about the fact that Abbadon contains "ABBA." If I had photoshop/illustrator at home I'd do it. But I don't. Someone else produce an amusing image!
Yes it does! Google search Orkimus Prime and youll find the images of it. I dont remember who built this puppy, but its just the coolest friggin thing on the damn planet. That is why Orkses, are da bestist
Snikrot's Grot wrote:waaaait...
obama's promise= change
tzeentch's WHOLE purpose=change
obama+change=TZEENTCH
HOLY CRAP AMERICA IS BEING RUN BY A CHAOS GOD
In the Noble Brightness of the 40th millennium, there is only HIGH ADVENTURE!
Beginning after the ascension of the Eldar that created the Order God of Love Slaanesh some 10,000 years ago, the Emperor of Mankind appeared to ensure the noble rule of humanity as the galaxy began to make a turn for the better. In an act of supreme sacrifice, his most favored son Horus and several of the Emperor's noble princes, or primarchs, sacrificed their mortal form to become princes of Order within The Warp.
Since then the Emperor has ruled for 10,000 years from the Golden Throne on Terra, bringing peace, enlightenment, and joy to all mankind. There is clearly no better time to be alive.
Now the last vestiges of the Eldar go forth to ensure the joy and prosperity of other races before the last of them finally ascend, lead valiantly by the Bright Eldar. Opposing them are the dark forces of Eldrad, and the Eldar found too impure to ascend. To this day Eldrad's convoluted schemes are a constant source of pain and discontent for the people of the Imperium of Mankind.
Across the galaxy the noble green-skinned Orks are being brutally oppressed through a volatile combination of misunderstanding and a failure to communicate.
In the distance the battle cry "For the Lesser Evil!" echos through the lands of the eastern galaxy. The dark and chaotic empire called the Tau have formed a brutal fascist empire utilizing mind control, genocide, and cannibalistic troops just as the norm. Despite the amoral and often savage methods used to expand their domain, Emperor believes they can be redeemed.
Hidden beneath the surface of countless worlds, the immortal Necrontyr awaken to spread the knowledge of ancient technologies to man. They spread the unheard of message that prosperity is possible without the Lords of Order, yet wherever they are found, entire worlds spring to life as if into a new genesis.
The Tyranids, the most visible member being the Zoats, parlay with the Squat homeworlds, a civilization of noble miners and proud warriors. Though negotiations take many years, the Squats eventually accept the offer of assimilation and join with the hivemind, and both groups leave the galaxy.
In the Warp, the Lords of Order are the god of hope and compassion, Nurgle, who loves even the smallest of creatures, Tzeentch, god of knowledge and the magic of wonder, Khorne, the noble warrior king, who is the newest form of the former god of the Eldar, the savage Khaine. He is a warrior without bloodlust, sitting upon his throne of helms. Finally, the newest and for now most powerful of the gods, Slaaneesh, god of love, art and joy.
Across the imperium not all is well, however. It is a vast empire, and planets fall out of the sight of the Emperor. Corrupt politicians seek to subvert the Democratic order and ways of the imperium. Dark tyrants seek to rise up and rebel, oppressing their people brutally. Though the Lords and Princes of Order work with the Emperor to bring civilization to all mankind, the universe remains a strange and beautiful place, filled with HIGH ADVENTURE!
The Imperium of Brighthammer is what the Imperium of 40k could have been if the emperor had won his war against chaos. In this setting that war never happened, and the warp is calmer and more friendly. It is in a golden age, and many of the primarchs remain to assist in his rule. As one might expect of any empire it's size, there are still many problems. Militarily it is held together by the space marine legions and the Imperial Guard. However, there are other problems of a different type and scale, such as corrupt imperial governors, seditious rebels, and rogue psykers. Often these are solved by the secret agents of the emperor, the Inquisition. Other times, these problems are solved by professional adventurers, the Brighthammer equivalent of rogue traders. Across the Imperium many worlds remain in a feudal state or at varying levels of technology, as unfortunate remnants of the war against the Iron Men at the end of the Dark Age of Technology. The Imperium seeks to bring these worlds into the fold, but many are ruled by tyrants or for many reasons the Imperium will not invade directly. Therefore small groups of agents may go to these worlds and guide them until they are ready to join the Imperium.
Space Marines
Space Marines are the noble knights of the Imperium, and as such serve as examples of order to the Imperium at large. Far apart from merely being a powerful military faction, they are also instrumental in keeping the Imperium together and functioning.
Imperial Guard
The Imperial Guard are normal men and women serving in the galactic military of the Imperium. They are expertly trained and the absolute best soldiers of any world they are taken from. They are largely similar to the Imperial Guard of regular Warhammer 40k, but are better trained and equipped; closer to stormtroopers than regular guardsmen. Commissars are carefully trained in the arts of war and serve to keep up morale and advise officers in its arts. Because war is relatively rare in Brighhammer 40k, they serve to keep the Guard in good working order. They are always the first in the charge, and the last in retreat. In times where their units fail, Commissars have been known to take their own lives rather than face the shame of defeat, knowing it was they who supposed to keep the unit battle ready.
Inquisition
When dark forces rise, the Inquisition is there to cut them out, quietly and stealthily. They are the secret agents of the Emperor, acting on his authority when all peaceful measures fail. When mad psykers arise, they are there to take them out. When corrupt governors starve their people, the Inquisition is ready to remove them. Notably, they are not as extreme as their Warhammer 40k counterparts and are mostly focused upon more James Bond like secret agent action.
The Inquisition makes use of several different specially trained operatives, apart from general Inquisitors. These individuals are usually trained at specialized combat schools from the elite of the elite.
Callidus School is still dedicated to infiltration tactics, scouting, information gathering.
Eversor School is for assault, designed to take on even the strongest foes in single combat, and receive a number of pysical, mental, and cybernetic enhancements.
Vindicare School is dedicated to long-range support, master of weapons, especially sniper-based ones.
Culexus School trains specialized individuals who are capable of uplifting moral to immense levels and increase the performance and natural healing abilities of their companions, despite lacking psyker capabilities. Aka, the reverse of the Pariah trait. These individuals are incredibly rare, but make highly effective team leaders.
All are recruited from existing special forces and receive the Inquisitions best training in general operations before proceeding on to their permanent combat school, in which they receive training in their specialized area.
After the training at their respective schools, they go to a third phase of training where all of them will attend the same school for team building and developing alongside each other to use each others strengths to eliminate all the weaknesses they had as individuals. After graduation, they are known as Imperial Special Forces, second only to the Astartes in terms of awesomeness.
Adeptus Telepathica
Under the command of the Grey Knights, the Adeptus Telepathica is an elite corps of the strongest and most trustworthy psykers in the imperium. Each is first trained by the inquisition, recruited upon the Inquisitions White Ships and learning to fully harness their abilities, channeling the forces of Order for the good of mankind. Each makes a trip to Terra, where they are partially infused with the power of the Emperor, a blessing which strikes many blind. However, despite this loss, the increase in power more than makes up for it. Many are sent to serve in the Imperial Guard or as Navigators on ships that they might traverse the warp. Only the most elite, strongest in power and will are allowed to join the Adeptus Telepathica. They brave the mysteries of the warp and gain great power, using it for the good of mankind. Some psykers still go rogue, desiring to bring about ruin and destruction. It is often the Adeptus Telepathica that is tasked with their removal.
Ordo Explorates
Far beyond the inner planets of the Imperium, there lay the far worlds, backwards, some advanced, some not, full of strange xenos, ancient ruins, and forgotten things. It is here the Imperium's Ordo Explorates do their work, cataloging worlds and xenos, bringing them into the fold of the Imperium. Aided in their Expedition by the Imperial Volunteer Corps and the Witch Repentors they seek to bring order and justice to the universe, guided only by the principles written in the Codex Explorates by the wise hand of Prince Guilliman. Together they march with their solemn vow, "None Shall Know Fear," beating in their hearts.
Sisters of Rock
The Adepta Sororitas is an organization composed of the once unruly children found populating Slaaneshi monasteries, where they learn to channel their passion through art. Following graduation, the women who choose to enter the Adepta Sororitas chose to express themselves in the form of ROCK MUSIC. Traveling between concerts and battlefields, the Sisters of Rock work tirelessly to spread the word of the Emperor and the Gods of Order in spectacular shows. In battle, they use special personal weapons such as bolt-guitars and chainguitars, and have a penchant for using sonic weaponry.
Agrarium of Mars
The Agrarium of Mars constantly delves into deep texts and papers on the heritage of galaxial flora. They seek, revere and worship the promise of rebirth from within the deep terraformed forests of Mars. Together with the Ordo Explorates they bring life to dead planets, aid archaic populations in agriculture; their soul mission is to bring life in all it's glory to the wake of the High Adventure.
The Servitors of the Agrarium, the most revered and respected of their ranks, are summoned from only the most noble of casts for only the most pure are worthy of the ultimate gift to the Emperor. Initiate Servitors are taken by the Agrarium of Mars and infused the the Life Seed to join them with Botanigod. In their new form Servitors act as fountains of life, following the Agrarium to new worlds colonized by the High Adventure, restoring flora where it was lost and acting as a channel for the Botanigod.
But because the universe is not yet a completely safe place, they have also a military side. The Agrarium of Mars cultivates vast armies of techno-organic soldiers and machines made of flesh, vine and iron for the Imperium. Enormous treant walkers march alongside the Ordo Explorates, their watchful eyes keeping guard against those who would abuse and waste the life essence. The Agrarium ships orbit over dead and hostile planets and release their seed-bombs to spawn immediately into the Agrarium's foot soldiers and release neurotoxic spore, wreaking havoc on those who harm the Empire.
Medizin Korps of Kreig
The Medizin Korps of Kreig hail from a planet of doctors, nurses and apothecaries. They go wherever they are needed and are always the first to set foot into plague zones armed with their labs, vaccines and adept physiological perception.
A team from the Medizin Korps is always on hand when visiting a xenos world, ready to study and analyse any new species with the least invasive means possible to protect life even from the microscopic enemies that plague it.
Together with the Agrarium of Mars they are the life bringers, the architects of societal and ecological health and well being.
Most of the races of BrightHammer are identical to their normal Warhammer40k counterparts, except that wherever possible they are generally bright, noble, and generally nicer. This does not mean they are pushovers, however; the technological and warfaring capabilities of these races are equal to regular 40k, if less used.
Eldar
The Eldar are divided into two groups. The Eldar were originally an incredibly advanced society that succeeded in ascending and creating a warp god; the god of love, Slaaneesh. Those that wished to remain behind to instruct other races on how to grow, change, and ascend to godhood. These are the Bright Eldar. A second faction consists of those who were too impure to rise to godhood. These chaotic Eldar are lead by Eldrad, and his schemes and machinations are a constant source of strife for everyone.
Watching over the remaining Eldar who stayed behind is the God of Guardians of Peace Kaela Mensha Khaine. Khaine's spirit resides in his various avatar statues that are scattered across the cosmos on the Craftworld vessels of the remaining Eldar
Avatars of Kaela Mensha Khaine.
Legend has it that when Slaanesh, the great order God of Love and Compassion was born, Kaela Mensha Khaine was the one who stood guard over the event to keep him safe from harm and to champion his cause throughout the heavens.
When most of the Eldar ascended upon Slaanesh's birth in "The storm of great enlightenment" (Now called "The Eye of Harmony" by the empire due to the peaceful radiance filling this region of space) Khaine chose to scatter his divine essence among those who remained behind and safeguard their existence till they too joined their brothers and sisters in Order.
On each craftworld vessel you will find a room dedicated to the worship of Khaine and his sheltering hand. In each such hall stands a single bright white and gold statue of Kaine, his upraised arm holding "The Song of Hope" a great sword that is said to be the first of the 99 swords of Vaul.
Slaaneshi Eldar
While the god of Love and Compassion's influence all of the Eldar, some feel that they are too good for Slaaneshi's Love and Compassion, living the city of Carnal Pleasures known as Commoragh, they bring Human and Tau over where wine, exotic Eldar dancers and song were only the tip of the iceberg. Mental carnal fantasies satiated the minds of psykers seeking forbidden knowledge or a good bloody argument or debate or things that the human body can't not imagine. Few Humans nor Tau ever left the city in its decadent ways of living.
Exodite Eldar
To settle the seeds of discontent amongst those who would follow neither Eldrad or the promises of godhood. They have wandered the galaxy to find a race capable of manipulating and dominating over. The Exodite Eldar find themselves affable to the evil Tau as they planted several Ethereal members to control the Tau society to a unified movement of evil. However the most peaceful world of Biel-Tan still wishes to bring them back to the ways of the god of love and peace.
Orks
Noble savages, fond of a good game of Chess, their harsh language has somewhat given to the galaxy a wrong image of them. Occasional clashes happen between their forces and the Imperium, but they merely want to be left in peace on the worlds they're protecting, and wouldn't dream of expanding themselves unnecessarily. Their anachronistic, warlike ways mislead others, however, and many view them as barbaric savages despite their level of technology and treat them accordingly. They are lead by Orks known as the "Brainboyz". Much of their technology is inherent, and uses a built-in connection with Order to function, meaning their crude appearing vehicles and ships are still quite effective.
Tau
A fascist empire founded by the Exodites, they turned the peaceful states to a kingdom to a threat to all other races. Believing in the Greater Evil, they are led by the sinister Ethereal Caste who are a meld of Tau and a bug queen whom can control the Tau. There are the following castes
The Fire Caste: The soldiers and hunters of the caste, many who are defeated by them are used as target practice for their various evil ranged weapons.
The Earth Caste: Scientists and labourers who work in terrible conditions making weapons, armour and supplies for the greater evil.
The Water Caste: An conniving race of schemers and merchants who are really greedy and is only in the greater evil for themselves.
The Air Caste: The navigators and commander of sneaky warships, they love to perform orbital bombardments just giggles.
Amongst the rebelling Tau is Farsight, a Tau who was persuaded that the Exodite Eldar is responsible this and plans to rebel against them.
The guy so awesome the entire galaxy bows to him. Created in the distant past by countless warp shamans coming together to form a single being, that he might be able to guide all mankind to a brighter tomorrow from the shadows. After the disastrous war with the Iron Men during the Dark Age of Technology, the Emperor lead his newly created force of noble, genetically enhanced knights known as the Space Marines on a crusade to rebuild the galaxy. In battle, he is a warrior without peer, a psyker powerful enough to create supernova, and a tactician beyond measure. In battle he wields a mighty Hammer of Light; which channels his formidable powers as a psyker into pure destructive energy with each blow. He has been known to loan out this hammer to the mightiest adventurers on their direst missions, and it has been at the forefront of many victories at the hands of Mankind. He personally started the tradition of showing rank by wearing giant hats (unwittingly) due to his habit of wearing a giant golden Sombrero. The Sombrero has two lifesized golden eagles that shoot plasma bolts from their eyes, and the weight of it is such that it would instantly snap the neck of any other who tried to wear it. He is largely similar to the Warhammer 40k Emperor, but never battled Horus, with his son instead peacefully ascending to a higher plane. Instead, he rules the galaxy from the golden throne. Also, he has a goatee, which makes him the coolest human alive.
A fascist empire founded by the Exodites, they turned the peaceful states to a kingdom to a threat to all other races. Believing in the Greater Evil, they are led by the sinister Ethereal Caste who are a meld of Tau and a bug queen whom can control the Tau. There are the following castes
The Fire Caste: The soldiers and hunters of the caste, many who are defeated by them are used as target practice for their various evil ranged weapons.
The Earth Caste: Scientists and labourers who work in terrible conditions making weapons, armour and supplies for the greater evil.
The Water Caste: An conniving race of schemers and merchants who are really greedy and is only in the greater evil for themselves.
The Air Caste: The navigators and commander of sneaky warships, they love to perform orbital bombardments just giggles.
Amongst the rebelling Tau is Farsight, a Tau who was persuaded that the Exodite Eldar is responsible this and plans to rebel against them.
So they didn't change the Tau much, it looks like.
So that is why the storm troopers have better guns than the sternguard : o
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Spongebob marine is kinda scary, but still awesome
Thare is no kinda about it and if tau can't have noses why can they have afrows?
Hmm and so the plot thickens (he says as he strocks his acne ridled chin).
" Why have so many children they said. Why not I said, the more the marryer. That portal into the warp is looking realy good right now." The empoer minutes before the "tragic" lose of the primarches.
" Why have so many children they said. Why not I said, the mor ehte marryer. That wortal into the warp is looking realy good right now." The empoer minutes before the "tragic" lose of the primarches.
well if you are geting at being corect about fluff and what is wrong with this pre premarch lost pic. Leman has the wolfs magnus is red and only has on eye alpharuses twin is not thare , mortation is drinking waste when he should be breathing it and finaly konrad is nocturnal in this pic whitch does not happen unitll after they get lost. Emporer stares at buton. But this is just s funny pic so non of that mater huray.
Kogwar wrote:wel if you are geting at corectness leman has the wolfs magnus is red and onlky has on eye alpharuses twin is not thare , mortation is drinking wast when he should be breathing it and finaly konrad is nocturnal in this pis
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And FIN
, Exactly...
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