Can someone please explain why Moraition, Ferrus Manus, and Corax are doing what theyre doing in that pic?
I can understand the others (Vulkan=pyromaniac, Horus=Emperor's favourite) but I cant see whats going on with those ones
Mortarion is drinking poison, Ferrus Manus is crying because he needs to go to the potty, and Corax, well Corax is looking at Porn. Why would a kid not be looking at porn?
Mortarion grew up on a planet that was covered in poisionous/toxic clouds that covered the entire planet except the lowest areas, where the populace resided.
Yea lets tear apart a funny picture about why its not 100% perfect on the fluff! Dear god why would a funny picture about the Emperor and the Primarchs not be PERFECT!!! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
KingCracker wrote:Yea lets tear apart a funny picture about why its not 100% perfect on the fluff! Dear god why would a funny picture about the Emperor and the Primarchs not be PERFECT!!! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
KingCracker wrote:Yea lets tear apart a funny picture about why its not 100% perfect on the fluff! Dear god why would a funny picture about the Emperor and the Primarchs not be PERFECT!!! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
No, but one of the reasons why it's funny and interesting is that it all connects to the fluff. And deconstruction is always fun. Peturabo seems to be having more fun than Dorn.
Okay i know this has been posted before but I would like to know how this was done.... someone said it's a normal marine with epic marines.... but then the paint cans would have to have been painted with a microscope and a single hair.
" Why have so many children they said. Why not I said, the more the marryer. That portal into the warp is looking realy good right now." The empoer minutes before the "tragic" lose of the primarches.
I thought emperors children where the porn guys, so who's corax?
Disjointed Entity wrote:Dude made some 1 mm Snow White things and paited them with an eyelash.
Pointless in my opinion
The guy painted them with human hair split into eight pieces with a diamond, it was alive in wonderland btw.
He had to redo Alice because he inhaled her.
Disjointed Entity wrote:Dude made some 1 mm Snow White things and paited them with an eyelash.
Pointless in my opinion
The guy painted them with human hair split into eight pieces with a diamond, it was alive in wonderland btw.
He had to redo Alice because he inhaled her.
KingCracker wrote:Yea lets tear apart a funny picture about why its not 100% perfect on the fluff! Dear god why would a funny picture about the Emperor and the Primarchs not be PERFECT!!! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
No, but one of the reasons why it's funny and interesting is that it all connects to the fluff. And deconstruction is always fun. Peturabo seems to be having more fun than Dorn.
Peturabo will ALWAYS have more fun than Dorn. Go Iron Warriors!
Automatically Appended Next Post: AND METAL BOXES ROCK!
we don't have to, we just have to wait for the guy who owns 4chan to go so far in the hole he has to close the site, or sell it, either way killing it good'n'dead
4chan is a wonderful place, jeez. I don't get why people hate it. If you want to be specific to /b/, I can understand why parents wouldn't want their kids viewing it, but it is funny stuff. It is even funnier to see someone post something related and funny from /b/ get yelled at for it being from /b/. ANYWAY:
Rubric marines were turned to dust by the Rubric of Ahrimann trapping their souls inside the armour, ifno Aspiring sorcerer is with them they fall into inactivity.
You dedicate your soul to the power of change, and your family succumbs to rampant mutation and madness. Thankfully old uncle Ahriman has a trick or two up his sleeve, but you end up as a spirit sealed in your work clothes for the rest of eternity.
Vulkan77 wrote:Is this perhaps some lost Chaos Codex??
I think that's GW's business plan. I didn't think they actually had one, but there it is... Looks like 2010 will see a 10-20% price increase across the board >_>
I would also quote the picture, but the way it's linked won't let me and if I manage to it's an unscaled version >_>
DarkHound wrote:I want you to imagine something crazy right now. I am going to take Creed to Appoc in my Chaos army and have him outflank Doomsday Devices.
TACTICAL GE- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! WOOOOOH HAAAA HA HAAA HA!
Not a pic I know but funny quote, who hasn't done this to a piece of machinery!!!
Runic space flight-an introduction:
Should a machine not function striking the panel marked "ON" this is an omen of great ill. The reasons ascribed may be as follows. Firstly, the function of inadequate preperation on the part of the operator. Secondly, the action of the machine whose spirit may refuse the binding of the operator. Thirdly, the malintent of some third party against the machine or operator. The operator must repeat the ritual from the begining repuryfiying himself, enscribing the runes, intoning the incantations and striking the panel marked "ON". An accompanying oath may be made. Should this procedure fail. the operator must recourse to consulting the instruction manual.
Rule 34 of the Internet: If it exists, there is porn of it. Rule 34 a): If there isn't / will gladly make you some. Rule 35 of the Internet: Refer to rule 34 a).
EDIT: I broke rules 1 and 2 and lost the Game. Blast.
I remember being there for the Squat one. That was fething hilarious. I was reading it while on Ventrilo and everyone thought I was having a fit or something because I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
...ricey?
...SR?
Shadow?
558?
It's a nickname. like mine is EF. Deal with it. (joking, I will call you shadow... OMG! I get it!!!! It's rice wiv a W!!!)
No, seriously, I just realised it. Will try not to make that mistake again. (Pleez don't hurt me)
Emperors Faithful wrote:@shadowICE: What's all the fuss about creed?
OMFG.
"So. Fresh bunch'a recruits straight off the regimental home world, huh? Got your heads full of propaganda and not much else, lemme bet. Well, listen to me and listen good, kids - probably half of what you know is nothing but ambull-gak, and you'd better get that through your heads now rather than getting a traitor's lasbolt through your head on the battlefield. Now, you pray to the Emperor like you should, and if you don't the Commissar'll blow your head off, and that'll be a mercy compared to what I'll do to ya if I find out 'fore he does - but don't be thinkin' for a second that recitin' the Litany of Protection makes you invulnerable on a battlefield.
Sure, you'll hear stories about brave Guardsmen that charged enemy positions armed with nothin' but their lasguns and their bayonets and won - and I'll even admit that probably a couple of them are true, but in an army that numbers in the billions one or two of ya are bound to get lucky every now and again, so it don't really say much. No, kids, they might make for inspirin' stories, but fanatical charges aren't what win battles. Battles are won by determination and tactics. Lemme tell you about this one time our regiment was servin' under the command of General Creed.
Never a finer tactician has the Imperial Guard ever seen than that General Creed, let me tell you. He came up with plans so devious and cunnin' you didn't even have a hope of figurin' out how he'd done what he'd done 'less he explained it to ya himself. We were fightin' on Kavara IV, what'd used to be a good Imperial world till the taint of Chaos found its way down there and turned loyal citizens into traitorous scum. At the time we'd been shipped off, we thought we were just gonna be helping the local PDF put down a small insurrection, but what with the ways of the warp by the time we got there it'd turned into a full on rebel uprisin' and all the nobles were already dead or in hidin', and another army led by General Creed had arrived to bring it back under control - we'd been missin' so long they thought we'd been lost to the warp, you see, and sent another off in our place - so we wound up joinin' forces an' bolsterin' their ranks.
Now, we got deployed into one of the urban centres that'd been taken over almost entirely by the heretics, goin' through clearing buildings of resistance and tightenin' the noose around their filthy necks. Only been gettin' minor resistance until a couple of hours in, when we stumbled across a fortified plaza that hadn't been in none of the intelligence reports. So there we were, pinned down by enemy fire, usin' rubble for cover and hopin' to the Emperor that'd we get some artillery support soon, when all of a sudden there's a tremendous rumblin' off to the right, soundin' like a column of tanks comin' up towards the buildin' we'd just cleared.
We weren't gettin' nothin' about armoured support on the vox, so we was sittin' there shittin' ourselves wonderin' where the traitors had got tanks from, when all of a sudden the front of the buildin' just collapses out onto the street and a damn Baneblade rolls right on out in front of us. One blast from the main gun and it turned the heretic's position into a crater. The vox lights up and we get ourselves a message - "Armoured Support courtesy of General Creed", they say. Now that's tactics, kids - we never saw it comin', so those traitors sure didn't. The application of overwhelmin' force at just the right spot at just the right moment'll turn the tide of any battle in your favour.
I took a look at that buildin' again as we were marchin' down the street in the Baneblade's wake, though. Funniest thing, the only hole in it was the one the tank'd made on its way out. How the hell we missed it when we were clearin' the place I don't know. How the hell Creed got it in there in the first place, I'm not sure I WANT to know - but let me tell you, pulling that off must've taken one hell of a tactical genius."
-Sergeant Karls adressing new recruits to the Hirian 204th, shortly before being relieved of duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation due to inexplicable urges to scream incoherently.
SR is the unit gets scout (and thus can outflank) for the duration of the battle.
Just imagine, 3 executioners or 3 bane wolfs coming off the side of the board just to wipe out your defensive formation.
I finished a squad of Noise Marines and thought I'd get the ball rolling again. I might have taken these from earlier in the thread, but I doubt anyone wants to look back and check (I know I didn't).
A Keeper of Secrets walks into a bar. The barkeep asks: why the long face?
----------------------
An unaligned heretic asks a Thousand Son, "Magician, can you turn me into a Slaaneshi?"
"Sure," replies the Son, "but in order to turn you into a Slaaneshi, we'll need to take away 30% of your brain, make you 80% more likely to give a blowjob to one of Nurgle's boys, and add two inches to your penis."
The heretic agrees and the Thousand Son begins his spell.
When they're done, the Thousand Son is confused. "Sir, I'm very sorry, but apparently there were some complications with the spell. I accidently took away 80% of your brain, made you 30% queerer, and removed two inches from your penis. Is this all right with you?"
The heretic replies, "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"
---------------
A Mutant, A Heretic, and a Witch all walk into a bar.
The world is destroyed by Exterminatus.
---------------
We should all know the parody on that Imperial prayer from Ciaphas Cain:
When in mortal danger,
When beset by doubt.
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout!
---------------
Ok, so there's a Chaos cruiser, an Imperium cruiser and an Eldar cruiser fighting in deep space. Suddenly a warp storm engulfs the ships and a strange being speaks to the commanders. It says it's an ancient warp entity with the power to grant wishes, and it gives one wish to all 3 captains. Whatever they ask for will be granted them.
The Imperium captain gets down on his knees and prays: "Oh creature, in the name of the Emperor, destroy all creatures of Chaos and the heresy they bring!" The warp spirit nods.
The Chaos captain shakes his fist and screams: "DENIZEN OF THE WARP! I WISH ONLY FOR ALL SERVANTS OF THE FALSE EMPEROR TO BE CLEANSED FROM THE GALAXY, AND FOR THE IMPERIUM OF MAN TO BE DESTROYED!" The creature nods again.
The Eldar captain gets up from his chair, looks at the apparition and asks: "So, both their wishes have come true now, right?" The creature says "Yes, indeed they have."
Then the Eldar sits back down, strokes his chin and says: "I'll have a coffee, then."
--------------
Space Marine Commander, Sisters of Battle Canoness and a Commissar are arguing about which one leads the bravest troops.
SM Commander says: "My Space Marines could jump out of the 100th floor of this building."
The other say to prove it, so he calls one Space Marine and says:
SMC: "Jump out of 100th floor of this building"
Space Marine: "As you command!" and jumps
SoB Canoness says: "My Sisters of Battle could jump out of the 200th floor of this building"
The other say to prove it, so she calls one Sister of Battle and says:
SoB Cannoness: "Jump out of 200th floor of this building"
Sister of Battle: "For the Emperor!" and she jumps
The Commissar says that his guardsmen could do the same, so he calls one guardsman and says:
Commissar: "Jump out of the 300th floor of this building
Guardsman: "Sir, no sir!"
Commissar: "And THAT'S Courage!"
Cheese Elemental
---------------
Ok, so there's a Chaos cruiser, an Imperium cruiser and an Eldar cruiser fighting in deep space. Suddenly a warp storm engulfs the ships and a strange being speaks to the commanders. It says it's an ancient warp entity with the power to grant wishes, and it gives one wish to all 3 captains. Whatever they ask for will be granted them.
The Imperium captain gets down on his knees and prays: "Oh creature, in the name of the Emperor, destroy all creatures of Chaos and the heresy they bring!" The warp spirit nods.
The Chaos captain shakes his fist and screams: "DENIZEN OF THE WARP! I WISH ONLY FOR ALL SERVANTS OF THE FALSE EMPEROR TO BE CLEANSED FROM THE GALAXY, AND FOR THE IMPERIUM OF MAN TO BE DESTROYED!" The creature nods again.
The Eldar captain gets up from his chair, looks at the apparition and asks: "So, both their wishes have come true now, right?" The creature says "Yes, indeed they have."
Then the Eldar sits back down, strokes his chin and says: "I'll have a coffee, then."
Cheese Elemental wrote:A Keeper of Secrets walks into a bar. The barkeep asks: why the long face?
----------------------
Ok, so there's a Chaos cruiser, an Imperium cruiser and an Eldar cruiser fighting in deep space. Suddenly a warp storm engulfs the ships and a strange being speaks to the commanders. It says it's an ancient warp entity with the power to grant wishes, and it gives one wish to all 3 captains. Whatever they ask for will be granted them.
The Imperium captain gets down on his knees and prays: "Oh creature, in the name of the Emperor, destroy all creatures of Chaos and the heresy they bring!" The warp spirit nods.
The Chaos captain shakes his fist and screams: "DENIZEN OF THE WARP! I WISH ONLY FOR ALL SERVANTS OF THE FALSE EMPEROR TO BE CLEANSED FROM THE GALAXY, AND FOR THE IMPERIUM OF MAN TO BE DESTROYED!" The creature nods again.
The Eldar captain gets up from his chair, looks at the apparition and asks: "So, both their wishes have come true now, right?" The creature says "Yes, indeed they have."
Then the Eldar sits back down, strokes his chin and says: "I'll have a coffee, then."
--------------
try having a nob squad stand up to 1000 points of IG shooting. almost lit my smoke...almost.
Perhaps next time you would care NOT to have both gaz and a painboy in the same sqaud of those nobs. 3-4 guardsmen sqauds with flamers, a sentinal with heavy flamer, 2 command sqauds(1 armed with a heavy flamer, another with plasma gun), a valk and a leman russ battle tank. 2 turns of that shooting and the nob sqaud came out pretty much untouched.
How about you fight me without gaz... or can't you play without your herohammer? ;3
And on another note
ShadowRocket wrote:
That's one of the strangest and most likely coolest pictures i've seen. Necron carifex ftw ;p
try having a nob squad stand up to 1000 points of IG shooting. almost lit my smoke...almost.
Perhaps next time you would care NOT to have both gaz and a painboy in the same sqaud of those nobs. 3-4 guardsmen sqauds with flamers, a sentinal with heavy flamer, 2 command sqauds(1 armed with a heavy flamer, another with plasma gun), a valk and a leman russ battle tank. 2 turns of that shooting and the nob sqaud came out pretty much untouched.
How about you fight me without gaz... or can't you play without your herohammer? ;3
And on another note
i can, but that just means instead of gazz theres a normal warboss and every one of the nobz has a power claw instead of big choppa...
maybe cybork bodys as well.
you wont bother shooting at it till everything elses dead anyways so i could equip them with fluffy bunny slippers and they would still wreck you =p
Almost as amusing as the black and white space marine on the black and white bike who rode up black and white space corridors attached to black and white industrial walkways made by black and white Litko Aerosystems.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Has anyone noticed that Yarrick has received a dose of viagra, leading to an eye laser that penetrates even the power armor of the sisters of battle?
halonachos wrote:Almost as amusing as the black and white space marine on the black and white bike who rode up black and white space corridors attached to black and white industrial walkways made by black and white Litko Aerosystems.
I don't quite know what to think about that. One the one hand it seems like I should dismiss it as rediculous, but on the other, they might actually have a point. And then thinking about someone actually wearing it... I really don't know how I'd react upon discovering someone who tasted like bacon.
An unaligned heretic asks a Thousand Son, "Magician, can you turn me into a Slaaneshi?"
"Sure," replies the Son, "but in order to turn you into a Slaaneshi, we'll need to take away 30% of your brain, make you 80% more likely to give a blowjob to one of Nurgle's boys, and add two inches to your penis."
The heretic agrees and the Thousand Son begins his spell.
When they're done, the Thousand Son is confused. "Sir, I'm very sorry, but apparently there were some complications with the spell. I accidently took away 80% of your brain, made you 30% queerer, and removed two inches from your penis. Is this all right with you?"
The heretic replies, "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"
haha awesome.
Because of you cheese I have regulary begun venturing into the eye o terror that is the 4chan.. man its crazy there.. what have you done to me cheese.
Shaman: Entering low orbit...
EF: What's your status, shaman?
Shaman: Systems check...everything seems good.
EF: Proceed to the far side, we need to know what's on this uncharted planet.
Shaman: Approaching far side now...can't make it out but... there's definitely something down there...
EF: Proceed with caution, Shaman.
Shaman: ++Interference++ Seems to be ++Interference++ says ++Interferance++ I repeat, it's ++Interference++ -chan.
EF: Get out of there, Shaman, get out!
Shaman: Can't ++Interference++ OH GOD NO! ++Interference/Screams++IT'S GOT ME! ARGGHH ++continued screaming, then end transmission++. EF: ...we lost Shaman.
Lord Cheese, Emperor of Chan IV, sat brooding in his throne, glaring at the World of Warcraft player kneeling before him, clad in ripped and ragged clothes. Cheese leaned fowards in his throne, lowering his face to within an inch of the pathetic creature's face. The WoWfan slowly raised his head, shivering with terror. The Mark of Blizzard on his forehead stood out on his pale, sunlight-fearing skin.
Cheese snorted derisively under his crowned helmet, leaning back in his throne. It was a marvelous creation, forged from pure nerdrage, the many carvings on it depicting scenes of Mechas being blasted to smithereens by Leman Russ Battle Tanks and Dakkaites being ripped to shreds by ravenous MTG players.
Cheese spoke, his smooth, slightly English voice breaking the silence of the throne chamber.
"Is this the best you could manage, Moot?" he asked his Administrator, not taking his gaze off the WoWfan.
"Indeed, my lord. The others either perished in the crash or were killed by the men before they recieved the order to bring some in alive."
Cheese tilted his head. "A pity," he murmured. "I would have liked to have met the scum who said the Imperium of Games Workshop was the greatest power in the galaxy. Ah, how their screams would have resounded around the fortress!"
"Indeed, my lord." said Moot, backing away into the shadows.
Cheese was completely still. Reaching down beside his throne, he drew his ornate Blade of Flame. It was this blade that had made the feared warrior-woman Lunahound upset and caused the man known as Frazzled to launch an invasion with the Great Army of Ban, which had been driven off after a long week of being unable to communicate with his allies (his transmission screens had simply displayed the message 'Banned until 14/7/999.M41). It was a gift to him from the neighbouring planet of Warseer, a world that Cheese had once found to be repulsive in the extreme.
He examined the carvings on the hilt of the power sword, enchanted by their beauty. Then, quick as a flash, he plunged the blade into the WoWfan's chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream as blood bubbled from his throat, and he collapsed fowards as Cheese ripped the blade free.
"No sport at all," he spat. "Dakkaites are so much more pleasureable to kill."
His two Troll bodyguards stepped fowards and picked up the body, hauling it away to the lair of the beast.
The door to the throne room suddenly swung open, and a tall, armoured figure strode forth. The faces of trolls and images of flames were carved into his plate armour and the hilt of his sword. Stopping in front of the throne, he removed his helmet, and Cheese jumped in shock.
It was the mighty warrior Gwar, the mighty half-troll who had once been Cheese's comrade-in-arms before he was defeated in a duel by the Dakkaite Emperor Yakface, before being cast into a dark portal by the Arch-Artificier Legoburner's Blue Screen Generator.
Cheese quickly composed himself. "Gwar," he began, "it is good to see you after these many long years. I was beginning to think that you would never be able to reformat yourself successfully."
"Indeed, Brother Cheese." said Gwar. "I beheld many terrible things in that realm, and experienced great frustration. Legoburner certainly knows how to program a virus."
"Things have not been so good recently, Brother. More and more Dakkaites have taken up arms against me, and some have even started Ignoring me. Even my comrades from Australianus have turned on me, even the wise and calm Sebster and the bitter old Chromedog."
"That is unfortunate to hear, Cheese." replied Gwar. "But fear not, for during my time in the Realm of Blue Screen, I managed to rally a large army of banned Trolls and convinced the defeated Arch-Powergamer Green Blow Fly and the Tactical Genius Stelek to join us in our glorious crusade.
Cheese's face lit up. "Excellent, Gwar! With the four of us leading the Trolls, Flamebaiters, Neckbeards and Powergamers, nothing shall stop us! I can already feel the universe tremble at our approach! Even the Mods know our names!
The door to the chamber swung open again, and two figures stepped in. One wore a Watchmen T-Shirt and had the look of a Powergamer around him, and the other was tall and mysterious, clad in a long black hooded robe that obscured his face. Not an inch of skin showed, and his glowing eyes betrayed no love for fluff.
"Cheese, these men are Green Blow Fly" -he indicated the Powergamer- "and Stelek, the Tactical Genius." They will be our key to victory, for they have both had DCM status in the past and know all the secrets of the Dakka system."
"Excellent!" Cheese grinned broadly, a wide Troll-smile that showed all of his white teeth. "Prepare the fleets, for today, the Mods shall hear our voice! Not even the mighty Yakface shall ignore us! Frazzled's deck-chair will be shattered, Killkrazy shall experience the Blue Screen, Alpharius will have the special rules for his Legion taken away, and Waaagh of Gonads shall have his post count reset! None shall stop us! Together, we shall crush the weakling Dakka system, and turn it into a permanent outpost of 4chan! We already have a foothold on Off-Topic, and we are gaining ground on the Forge World of Articles!"
All around the fortress, the Troll bodyguards heard a rare sound; the harsh, insane laughter of Lord Cheese the Fallen.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Gwar! wrote:-Executes Shaman Posthumously for use of the word "God" without "Emperor" after it.-
Oh, and Gwar is right again, the Imperium doesn't believe in God.
Cheese-Lord Cheese, Emperor of Chan IV, sat brooding in his throne, glaring at the World of Warcraft player kneeling before him, clad in ripped and ragged clothes. Cheese leaned fowards in his throne, lowering his face to within an inch of the pathetic creature's face. The WoWfan slowly raised his head, shivering with terror. The Mark of Blizzard on his forehead stood out on his pale, sunlight-fearing skin.
Cheese snorted derisively under his crowned helmet, leaning back in his throne. It was a marvelous creation, forged from pure nerdrage, the many carvings on it depicting scenes of Mechas being blasted to smithereens by Leman Russ Battle Tanks and Dakkaites being ripped to shreds by ravenous MTG players.
Cheese spoke, his smooth, slightly English voice breaking the silence of the throne chamber.
"Is this the best you could manage, Moot?" he asked his Administrator, not taking his gaze off the WoWfan.
"Indeed, my lord. The others either perished in the crash or were killed by the men before they recieved the order to bring some in alive."
Cheese tilted his head. "A pity," he murmured. "I would have liked to have met the scum who said the Imperium of Games Workshop was the greatest power in the galaxy. Ah, how their screams would have resounded around the fortress!"
"Indeed, my lord." said Moot, backing away into the shadows.
Cheese was completely still. Reaching down beside his throne, he drew his ornate Blade of Flame. It was this blade that had made the feared warrior-woman Lunahound upset and caused the man known as Frazzled to launch an invasion with the Great Army of Ban, which had been driven off after a long week of being unable to communicate with his allies (his transmission screens had simply displayed the message 'Banned until 14/7/999.M41). It was a gift to him from the neighbouring planet of Warseer, a world that Cheese had once found to be repulsive in the extreme.
He examined the carvings on the hilt of the power sword, enchanted by their beauty. Then, quick as a flash, he plunged the blade into the WoWfan's chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream as blood bubbled from his throat, and he collapsed fowards as Cheese ripped the blade free.
"No sport at all," he spat. "Dakkaites are so much more pleasureable to kill."
His two Troll bodyguards stepped fowards and picked up the body, hauling it away to the lair of the beast.
The door to the throne room suddenly swung open, and a tall, armoured figure strode forth. The faces of trolls and images of flames were carved into his plate armour and the hilt of his sword. Stopping in front of the throne, he removed his helmet, and Cheese jumped in shock.
It was the mighty warrior Gwar, the mighty half-troll who had once been Cheese's comrade-in-arms before he was defeated in a duel by the Dakkaite Emperor Yakface, before being cast into a dark portal by the Arch-Artificier Legoburner's Blue Screen Generator.
Cheese quickly composed himself. "Gwar," he began, "it is good to see you after these many long years. I was beginning to think that you would never be able to reformat yourself successfully."
"Indeed, Brother Cheese." said Gwar. "I beheld many terrible things in that realm, and experienced great frustration. Legoburner certainly knows how to program a virus."
"Things have not been so good recently, Brother. More and more Dakkaites have taken up arms against me, and some have even started Ignoring me. Even my comrades from Australianus have turned on me, even the wise and calm Sebster and the bitter old Chromedog."
"That is unfortunate to hear, Cheese." replied Gwar. "But fear not, for during my time in the Realm of Blue Screen, I managed to rally a large army of banned Trolls and convinced the defeated Arch-Powergamer Green Blow Fly and the Tactical Genius Stelek to join us in our glorious crusade.
Cheese's face lit up. "Excellent, Gwar! With the four of us leading the Trolls, Flamebaiters, Neckbeards and Powergamers, nothing shall stop us! I can already feel the universe tremble at our approach! Even the Mods know our names!
The door to the chamber swung open again, and two figures stepped in. One wore a Watchmen T-Shirt and had the look of a Powergamer around him, and the other was tall and mysterious, clad in a long black hooded robe that obscured his face. Not an inch of skin showed, and his glowing eyes betrayed no love for fluff.
"Cheese, these men are Green Blow Fly" -he indicated the Powergamer- "and Stelek, the Tactical Genius." They will be our key to victory, for they have both had DCM status in the past and know all the secrets of the Dakka system."
"Excellent!" Cheese grinned broadly, a wide Troll-smile that showed all of his white teeth. "Prepare the fleets, for today, the Mods shall hear our voice! Not even the mighty Yakface shall ignore us! Frazzled's deck-chair will be shattered, Killkrazy shall experience the Blue Screen, Alpharius will have the special rules for his Legion taken away, and Waaagh of Gonads shall have his post count reset! None shall stop us! Together, we shall crush the weakling Dakka system, and turn it into a permanent outpost of 4chan! We already have a foothold on Off-Topic, and we are gaining ground on the Forge World of Articles!"
All around the fortress, the Troll bodyguards heard a rare sound; the harsh, insane laughter of Lord Cheese the Fallen.
God, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Just a little though..................(LMAO - and writhing naked in Gelatin flavoured with Vegemite)
Cheese Elemental with his Lemon Russ is now the most awesome person on Dakka apart from the Admins, the Mods, Gwar!, Lunahound, Gwar!'s Signature and Anyone who Plays Space Wolves :3
Gwar! wrote:Cheese Elemental with his Lemon Russ is now the most awesome person on Dakka apart from the Admins, the Mods, Gwar!, Lunahound, Gwar!'s Signature and Anyone who Plays Space Wolves :3
Cheese Elemental wrote:Lord Cheese, Emperor of Chan IV, sat brooding in his throne, glaring at the World of Warcraft player kneeling before him, clad in ripped and ragged clothes. Cheese leaned fowards in his throne, lowering his face to within an inch of the pathetic creature's face. The WoWfan slowly raised his head, shivering with terror. The Mark of Blizzard on his forehead stood out on his pale, sunlight-fearing skin.
Cheese snorted derisively under his crowned helmet, leaning back in his throne. It was a marvelous creation, forged from pure nerdrage, the many carvings on it depicting scenes of Mechas being blasted to smithereens by Leman Russ Battle Tanks and Dakkaites being ripped to shreds by ravenous MTG players.
Cheese spoke, his smooth, slightly English voice breaking the silence of the throne chamber.
"Is this the best you could manage, Moot?" he asked his Administrator, not taking his gaze off the WoWfan.
"Indeed, my lord. The others either perished in the crash or were killed by the men before they recieved the order to bring some in alive."
Cheese tilted his head. "A pity," he murmured. "I would have liked to have met the scum who said the Imperium of Games Workshop was the greatest power in the galaxy. Ah, how their screams would have resounded around the fortress!"
"Indeed, my lord." said Moot, backing away into the shadows.
Cheese was completely still. Reaching down beside his throne, he drew his ornate Blade of Flame. It was this blade that had made the feared warrior-woman Lunahound upset and caused the man known as Frazzled to launch an invasion with the Great Army of Ban, which had been driven off after a long week of being unable to communicate with his allies (his transmission screens had simply displayed the message 'Banned until 14/7/999.M41). It was a gift to him from the neighbouring planet of Warseer, a world that Cheese had once found to be repulsive in the extreme.
He examined the carvings on the hilt of the power sword, enchanted by their beauty. Then, quick as a flash, he plunged the blade into the WoWfan's chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream as blood bubbled from his throat, and he collapsed fowards as Cheese ripped the blade free.
"No sport at all," he spat. "Dakkaites are so much more pleasureable to kill."
His two Troll bodyguards stepped fowards and picked up the body, hauling it away to the lair of the beast.
The door to the throne room suddenly swung open, and a tall, armoured figure strode forth. The faces of trolls and images of flames were carved into his plate armour and the hilt of his sword. Stopping in front of the throne, he removed his helmet, and Cheese jumped in shock.
It was the mighty warrior Gwar, the mighty half-troll who had once been Cheese's comrade-in-arms before he was defeated in a duel by the Dakkaite Emperor Yakface, before being cast into a dark portal by the Arch-Artificier Legoburner's Blue Screen Generator.
Cheese quickly composed himself. "Gwar," he began, "it is good to see you after these many long years. I was beginning to think that you would never be able to reformat yourself successfully."
"Indeed, Brother Cheese." said Gwar. "I beheld many terrible things in that realm, and experienced great frustration. Legoburner certainly knows how to program a virus."
"Things have not been so good recently, Brother. More and more Dakkaites have taken up arms against me, and some have even started Ignoring me. Even my comrades from Australianus have turned on me, even the wise and calm Sebster and the bitter old Chromedog."
"That is unfortunate to hear, Cheese." replied Gwar. "But fear not, for during my time in the Realm of Blue Screen, I managed to rally a large army of banned Trolls and convinced the defeated Arch-Powergamer Green Blow Fly and the Tactical Genius Stelek to join us in our glorious crusade.
Cheese's face lit up. "Excellent, Gwar! With the four of us leading the Trolls, Flamebaiters, Neckbeards and Powergamers, nothing shall stop us! I can already feel the universe tremble at our approach! Even the Mods know our names!
The door to the chamber swung open again, and two figures stepped in. One wore a Watchmen T-Shirt and had the look of a Powergamer around him, and the other was tall and mysterious, clad in a long black hooded robe that obscured his face. Not an inch of skin showed, and his glowing eyes betrayed no love for fluff.
"Cheese, these men are Green Blow Fly" -he indicated the Powergamer- "and Stelek, the Tactical Genius." They will be our key to victory, for they have both had DCM status in the past and know all the secrets of the Dakka system."
"Excellent!" Cheese grinned broadly, a wide Troll-smile that showed all of his white teeth. "Prepare the fleets, for today, the Mods shall hear our voice! Not even the mighty Yakface shall ignore us! Frazzled's deck-chair will be shattered, Killkrazy shall experience the Blue Screen, Alpharius will have the special rules for his Legion taken away, and Waaagh of Gonads shall have his post count reset! None shall stop us! Together, we shall crush the weakling Dakka system, and turn it into a permanent outpost of 4chan! We already have a foothold on Off-Topic, and we are gaining ground on the Forge World of Articles!"
All around the fortress, the Troll bodyguards heard a rare sound; the harsh, insane laughter of Lord Cheese the Fallen.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Gwar! wrote:-Executes Shaman Posthumously for use of the word "God" without "Emperor" after it.-
Oh, and Gwar is right again, the Imperium doesn't believe in God.
meanwhile on the other side of the system a dark robed figure stood in silence infront of the computer screen, lost deep in thought after what he had just read.
on one level it was a masterful plan, but on another it seemed like an incredibly stupid idea to post all the details on a public forum, especially the verry forum that the plans involved. something just didn't sit right about the entire situation.
the robed figure switched off the computer screen and sat down in the dark, pondering what he had just read and looking for any possible alternatives.
hours later as the sun was rising footfalls could be heard down the hallway.
the dark figure stood with bow in hand and rushed to the door ready to face any threat that might have located him.
as the footfalls got louder he could soon hear the sound of someones heavy breathing, it sounded as if they had run halfway across the world.
suddenly the figure was upon him, the robed figure drew a bead on his target just as the man stopped and squeled.
"DONT SHOOT DUDE, IM ON UR TEAM!"
the figure looked at the mans face, thick of neck and with a mono-brow and half grown beard, then recognition came.
"nordadas, what are you doing here!"
"master... i-i came as quickly as i could, the outposts are gone, they are swarming us. they have the power of chuck norris we cant sto-"
"SILENCE! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION HIS NAME!"
"i-i'm sorry master, i didn't mean to..."
"shutup, what's happened."
"they've taken the outposts, they are too strong, there's to many of them, i was at the front when it started talking with some warriors and then the hounds started barking. we had no idea what it was but after the kennel master managed to silence them we heard it."
"heard what damn you!"
"it...it was a battle cry... at first we couldn't identify it, but then as it got closer it became clearer... it was the trolls. it was the dreaded 'OLOLOLOLOL'"
"...but HOW! we DESTROYED THEM YEARS AGO! that cry hasn't been heard here for years!"
"we don't know where they came from, but the warriors ordered the paraphets manned by mages and archers, but it was too late, before even a dozen bowmen were in place they were over the walls... they... THEY USED THERE OWN MEN TO BUILD A RAMP!"
"gak. where are they now! were there any survivors?"
"a few... not many, we got a bird from stone mountain, they had been taken, the castellan was the only man still alive, and only because he had burnt his own ladder sealing himself in the tower. we suspect that bird was the last thing he ever did. as for the others we found only ruins and corpses aplenty. ours and theres in equal number. there is barely a dozen of us, all warriors from my post."
the dark figure sat down again suddenly exausted. he could hardly comprehend what had just been told him. the trolls had returned, and with more men than ever seen before. he had to do something, but they had destroyed all the outposts in hours, it was unprecidented. he had only one course of action left. with the plans he had just seen and the attack he had just received word of there was no alternative.
"we leave now." he said snatching up his bow and spear.
"where are we going to go?" the pathetic wretch seemed to cower before him. it was pathetic, he might have killed him then but if they encountered the trolls every man was a distraction.
"gather your men, theres a ship waiting, you have 5minutes or the lot of you stay here."
the man scurryed off as fast as his legs could take him. meanwhile the robed man hurryed down to the yard when he heard it off in the distance. it was a high pitched whiny sound at first, completly un-intelligable... but it was aproaching at rapid speeds. then he could identify it. it was a warcry. the trolls had found them, the wretch and his men had been followed!
the wretch and his men were running towards the ship as he entered the yard at full speed, he jumped onto the wing and into the cockpit in 2 swift moves, and started the ship as he seen the first of them. he lifted off just as the first of them reached the ship and just made it out of there grasp. he heard a scream underneath him and spared a glance. the wretch was too slow, him and two of his warriors were being dragged under the tide... and beaten down. nevermind, he was useless anyway.
he threw back his hood and long dark hair reflected the moonlight like polished crystal. deep blue eyes so dark they seemed black in the dark gazed at the com screen in fornt of him. he knew what he had to do and fast. he opened a cumunication to the only one who would receive him 'welcomely'.
"WUT DA YEW WANT!" a gutteral voice growled through the speakers.
"the time has come my friend. i have decided to call in that favor you owe me."
"OOO DA 'ELL DA YA THINK TA ARE! GAZZGHULL THRAKA OWES NO MAN FAVA'S!"
as the com screen crackled into life he gazed into the ugly half mechanized face that was the orc warboss 'gazzghull thraka'. he enabled his own com-screen and the orc recoiled from the picture.
"why it's me old friend, the man who gave you all those nice powerclaws for your boyz, all them cybork bodies... remeber a little more now?"
"ARRGH, WUT U WANT, IT BETTA BE GOOD OTHA WIZE I SENDN DA BOYZ DOWN TA KRUMP YA!"
"i bring you war my good friend. the trolls are back. i don't know how but they are back, and they are stronger than ever. i don't know who done it but someone has broken the seal. the bastards are spilling out of there hole into our plane even as we speak... 4chan is opened, and it is here."
"WUT! OWDA ELL DID YA LET DAT APPEN YA STUPID UMIE... BOYZ...BOYZ!! SOUND DA HORNS, WE'Z GOT WARTA DO!"
"ahh, i knew you would see it that way. thank you. head to nagrand. it's where the last seal is kept. we MUST not let them break /b/ or all is lost."
as the comunication ended the man sighed. it had gone well, he had dreaded what would happen if his cybonic implants had stopped working. it had taken quite a lot of effort to remove half that orcs head, and even more to make sure the 'doc' chose the right parts to fix it. if he hadn't agree'd many lives would have been for naught. as he opened another com-link a larger fear gripped him. the people he was about to call were the greatest warriors in the universe. but this was a risk even they might not take.
"well hello there good chap, who might you be" a jolly sounding voice asked as the com screen crackled to life. before him a tall man sat with a cup of light brown liquid in his hands and a plate of crumpets before him.
"i'm a friend. and one in need of help. my name is not important now, not untill i know i can count on you."
"well then, that seems like an awfully queer reply, you may call me eldrad. now what could i do for you today old chap?"
"my planet has fallen. the outposts are gone, /tg/ is loose. we need help from all we can count on. the trolls are striking for the final seal. they will break /b/ before nightfall if you don't help us. please, i am but one man, and a few warriors, all wounded. i have called the warbosses to nagrand to defend it. but they are too far, you are the only ones who can help now."
"BLOODY HELL MAN! how did this happen. right o then. this is a grave situation. just let me get a look at you so i know who to speak to when we arrive."
eldrar grasped for something slightly off screen and raised a hand to his eye. as he lowered it there was a monacle covering it, a gasp escaped him.
"y-y-YOU!"
"yes. it's me. war has come and i intend to fight. we can talk more on nagrand. and maybe you can bring some of your nice young ladys with you. just tell them shadow ice is waiting."
as the com screen died before him and he entered orbit shadow glanced down onto the ruined planet beneath him, where once a barren planet had stood now there was nothing but flames. how the trolls managed to conjur flames from dirt he didn't know, but the message was clear. the final seal would be broken. and he had to stop it. as he programmed the nav system a curse escaped his lips.
"damn you cheese, and damn you twice gwar. may the others take you both. and pray that enough warriors will stand with us."
Cheese inspired me to post this, it made me smile.
Article title is "The Web's Dirtiest Site" and headline is "Which site hosts the Web’s filthiest porn, crudest pranks and most vigilant hackers? The Daily Beast’s Douglas Rushkoff goes inside the underground site Web giants can’t kill. " fyi.
"KILL 
"wots dat?"
"It's da rokkit!. You stupid gi..."
BOOM
![[Disk]](/dakkaforum/templates/default/images/icon_disk.gif){kind=icon}
I belive that space marine is of the heretical girly anime chapter. DIE TRATIOR! 
That's Choppa! Not 'Choppy'! Get it right! *Slaps Crazy on the back of the head*
, only one 
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