10104
Post by: snurl
find a cheap source
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
for prophylactic devices necessary
10104
Post by: snurl
to ensure one's survival.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
The night was sultry
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
and steamy as the
89250
Post by: Loremaster Of Awesomeness
newborn infants soft hair,
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
it smelled of rot
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and cheap body spray.
10104
Post by: snurl
Suddenly, a shot rang
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
out in the darkness
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
, and a woman screamed
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
Through the intercom system
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
that there would be
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
cleanup on aisle four.
10104
Post by: snurl
But before anyone could
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
grab a large squeegee
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
a naked clown ran
10104
Post by: snurl
all over the store
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
throwing confetti, dry humping
10104
Post by: snurl
the turkeys, and quoting
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
various witty movie quips.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
His recitation of "Godfather"
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
was so poignant that
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Francis Ford Coppola offered
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
him a role as
10104
Post by: snurl
an off camera voice
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
in the new sequel
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
to Bill and Ted's
10104
Post by: snurl
to Apocalypse Now, starring
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Martin Sheen, Harrison Ford
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and Nicolas Cage, naturally.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Mario Puzo's estate, however,
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
had a better idea.
10104
Post by: snurl
They would bring the
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
cannolis and leave the
10104
Post by: snurl
Film making to the
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Wachowski brothers who would
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
make a 'Godfather/Matrix'
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
trilogy in which Neo
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
makes Trinity an offer
10104
Post by: snurl
In a violent manner.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Agent Guido Smith intervenes
10104
Post by: snurl
But finds he cannot
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
make Neo an offer
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
that he cannot refuse.
10104
Post by: snurl
They say that if
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
you believe in yourself
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
then it can be
89250
Post by: Loremaster Of Awesomeness
alright to silently creep
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
up on an unsuspecting
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
sleeping Honey Badger and
89756
Post by: Verviedi
poke its little nose.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Good running shoes would
10104
Post by: snurl
never last long if
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
you walked on burning
10104
Post by: snurl
trails of liquid promethium.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Or so I'm told.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Speaking of warm walks,
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
I once walked along
10104
Post by: snurl
the edge of a
89756
Post by: Verviedi
cliff, reminds me of
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
a llama farm I
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
once knitted sweaters on
89756
Post by: Verviedi
during the war where
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
we fought and weaved
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and pruned the hedges
10104
Post by: snurl
In between artillery barrages.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Snakes on a plane
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
was a masterpiece of
10104
Post by: snurl
such minor proportions that
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Samuel L. Jackson now
89756
Post by: Verviedi
is asking to perform
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
in off broadway productions
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
of "Alpaca Capone", the
10104
Post by: snurl
revival of a classic
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Neil Simon work, focusing
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
on the private life
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
of Capone's personal masseuse.
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
It isn't widely known
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
that Capone loved Alpacas
10104
Post by: snurl
but this provides a
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
fascinating examination of a
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
kinder, gentler side of
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
a psychopathic, mass murderer.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
It is widely believed
89756
Post by: Verviedi
that he had no
10104
Post by: snurl
reason to believe in
89756
Post by: Verviedi
the true, tenebrous horror
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
that his masseuse endured
89756
Post by: Verviedi
upon the slopes of
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Alpaca Capone's hairy back.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Meanwhile, back in Bulgaria,
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
there was an uprising
10104
Post by: snurl
down in the cellars
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
of the country's leading
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
Alternative medicine provider. The
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
acupuncture needles were used
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
were actually porcupine quills
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
which weren't properly sterilized
2548
Post by: jmurph
due to the unavailability
10104
Post by: snurl
of clean laboratory mice.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Pizza is the best
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
invention ever created by
10104
Post by: snurl
artisans of food craft.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Once upon a time
10104
Post by: snurl
there lived a beautiful
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
young maiden with a
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
frightful mess of red
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
poker chips stacked high
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
and a wicked gleam
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
emanating from a dagger
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
concealed in her bodice.
89756
Post by: Verviedi
The Computers watch you
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
searching for insight into
10104
Post by: snurl
Bodices. You must be
89756
Post by: Verviedi
watched benevolently, for they
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
have the best intentions
10104
Post by: snurl
or so they say.
89756
Post by: Verviedi
Some say the cameras
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
capture more than just
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
still images of cats,
10104
Post by: snurl
sometimes the cat moves.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
The crowd went wild
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
when the food fight
10104
Post by: snurl
collided with the baking
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
competition at the old
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
neighborhood bakery and police
10104
Post by: snurl
station. Fresh pies flew
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
and participants grabbed forks
89756
Post by: Verviedi
to grab them midair.
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
On that fateful day
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
it is rumored that
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
Alpaca Capone the Permed
89756
Post by: Verviedi
organized the food fight
10104
Post by: snurl
just for the cheap
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
sweet tooth fix, but
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
as an unintended consequence
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
lost several teeth due
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
to a particularly hard
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
baked good thrown from
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
from a dizzying height by
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
a frenzied pie chef
10104
Post by: snurl
from Sweden. The melee
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
lasted for days as
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
a troupe of clowns
10104
Post by: snurl
emerged from a car
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
bearing a Trump bumpersticker
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and began loudly chanting
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Make America Bake Again!
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Yesterday I decided to
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
look for pennies in
89756
Post by: Verviedi
a giant pit of
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
discarded barbershop hair clippings
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
But, to my surprise,
89756
Post by: Verviedi
there were no pennies,
10104
Post by: snurl
but thousands of teeth.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
I can only surmise
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
that the tooth fairy
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
Had been very busy
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and that the barber
10104
Post by: snurl
has got himself a
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
side gig, leaving quarters
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
under pillows or inside
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
jars of hair gel
10104
Post by: snurl
in his spare time.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Baked Beans taste great
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
especially when you add
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
off-brand ranch dressing
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
...just kidding, that sucks.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
I have an idea...
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
which involves milk shakes,
10104
Post by: snurl
and big, bouncy boobies
89756
Post by: Verviedi
to assist with marketing
10104
Post by: snurl
.
It's a sure fire
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
method of luring in
10104
Post by: snurl
A certain demographic group.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
The product I'm selling
10104
Post by: snurl
, as seen on TV,
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
is guaranteed to sculpt
10104
Post by: snurl
Thousands of julienne fries
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
but wait, there's more
89756
Post by: Verviedi
! Billy Mays has re-animated
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Walt Disney to pitch
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
an exciting new line
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
of Marvel Sham Wows,
10104
Post by: snurl
Which are guaranteed to
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
absorb villainous powers with
10104
Post by: snurl
a fresh, clean scent.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Speaking of Marvel, did
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
they really say that
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Stan Lee loves eating
10104
Post by: snurl
his rare first editions
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
sprinkled with a dash
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
of shredded DC comics?
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Graphic novels are for
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
five year olds who
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
endlessly spin their fidgets
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
while their parents take
10104
Post by: snurl
no interest whatsoever in
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
their mad, nefarious schemes.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Necrons and Freddy Krueger
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
have this in common
91468
Post by: War Kitten
They both love cheese
10104
Post by: snurl
dipped in the blood
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
of actors who've starred
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
in Star Wars prequels
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
as is only right.
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
Down from the Heavens,
10104
Post by: snurl
for a game of
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
warhammer checkers, came mice
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
with best laid plans
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
to challenge the reigning
43578
Post by: A Town Called Malus
champion of the world.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Just wait until we
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
get out of the
91468
Post by: War Kitten
Incredibly confusing maze that
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
strangely, we forgot was
10104
Post by: snurl
why we went in
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
on an Sunday afternoon
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
while searching for Burritos.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
It turned out that
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
The maze was more
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
of a metaphor for
10104
Post by: snurl
The eighth edition rules
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
, rules sneezed into existence
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
by Bolivian rules testers
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
or Great Green Arkleseizure.
112429
Post by: SirDalavar
All the galaxy's a
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
big, gaseous Milky Way
10104
Post by: snurl
after Taco Bell snacking.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
I once rode a
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
pony to get some
10104
Post by: snurl
Taco Bell at midnight.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Down at the crossroads
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
was a large windmill
10104
Post by: snurl
, where you could find
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
a secret map scrawled
10104
Post by: snurl
On the back of
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
a horse's ass with
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
hastily scrawled annotations connecting
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
seemingly unrelated clues to
10104
Post by: snurl
the very origins of
91468
Post by: War Kitten
Sly Marbo, who is
10104
Post by: snurl
In fact, a mere
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
amateur compared to the
91468
Post by: War Kitten
Sheer coolness of a
10104
Post by: snurl
youthful 40K tournament player.
90487
Post by: CREEEEEEEEED
By which I mean
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
that none could possibly
10104
Post by: snurl
ever hope to achieve
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
the unattainable awesomeness of
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Jeff Bridges' "The Dude".
90487
Post by: CREEEEEEEEED
But what is awesomeness?
10104
Post by: snurl
Awesomeness is never having
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
to say you're sorry.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Awesomeness can also suggest
10104
Post by: snurl
an example to be
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
aspired to by any
10104
Post by: snurl
impressionable youngsters lolling about.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
Speaking of awesome, I
90487
Post by: CREEEEEEEEED
often yell awesome publicly.
90487
Post by: CREEEEEEEEED
accidental double post
91468
Post by: War Kitten
To the great shame
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
of my few friends
91468
Post by: War Kitten
As a result I
10104
Post by: snurl
shall express my lament
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
by discreetly whispering awesome
91468
Post by: War Kitten
To random pigeons at
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
public bathrooms I frequent.
10104
Post by: snurl
When the rain stops
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
my umbrella will cease
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
to be an umbrella
91468
Post by: War Kitten
And become a rocket
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
for use when bananas
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
and Ancient Astronaut Theorists
10104
Post by: snurl
get too close for
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
the Men in Black
10104
Post by: snurl
to effectivly deal with
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
.
In such times, we
10104
Post by: snurl
must look to our
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
duly elected public officials
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
and vomit profusely upon
10104
Post by: snurl
their expensive imported shoes.
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
The trouble with gerbils
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
is that their vomit
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
dries harder than concrete,
10104
Post by: snurl
which just may be
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
the reason why some
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
gerbils can't hold their
91468
Post by: War Kitten
liquor, and so we
10104
Post by: snurl
will hide their booze
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
until such time as
91468
Post by: War Kitten
We can steal the
105620
Post by: gnome_idea_what
United Airlines barf bags
91468
Post by: War Kitten
From the evil lord
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
of the friendly skies.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
I like Gummy Bears
53636
Post by: Chaos Legionnaire
for breakfast, especially when
10104
Post by: snurl
they are in season.
78313
Post by: BigWaaagh
Under glieben glauben globen
|
