warpcrafter wrote:I have tried to accommodate this turtle and pie foolishness into my world-view, but it is not to be. The foulness that is turtle must be destroyed, by any means necessary. Chaplain Grabthar, we need to establish a unified front against the Turtle Pie (Shun the Turtle Pie, Shuuunnn!!!).
Uh, I hate to point out that shunning the pie would involve not posting here anymore... :(
In happier news, Turtle Pie does not reference a specific type of pie, but the combination of Turtle and Pie, Lemon Meringue is entirely acceptable
(edit) why isn't there an ork frowny face? I don't want to use the crying one all the time.
Shrike78 wrote:also, does anyone know how to put a link in the sig? i want to put this forum there to spread the word better
Master of Sanctity, I believe I can assist you in this. The result of my delvings in the Librarium are even now in a PM destined for your inbox
For those followers also true to the Path of the Pie, the technique is simple, copy the next line into your sig, then delete the two question marks (?) and it shall be done.Those who wish may replace the words "Join the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie" with their own phrasing.
[?url=http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/226065.page]Join the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie[/url?]
Spread the word of Turtle Pie, Brothers. Should The Librarium reveal more useful tidbits I shall bring them to bear in our Holy Crusade against The Pie-less Ones.
chaplaingrabthar wrote:[?url=http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/226065.page]Destroy these Blasphemous Heretics[/url?]
The question mark isn't supposed to be there, he just used it so his post wouldn't actually try to make a link.
St.Yams, one cannot expect a heretic to actually READ the words of a believer properly. His haste to use my instruction to the brothers lead to his error, so typical of one not versed in the patience of The Holy Turtle(Hard-Shelled be it's name).
Take heed, those readers not yet decided on their loyalties, error, misfortune and public shaming are but the least worries of a heretic.
All Hail The Blessed Omni-Dessert, Patient and Rewarding in It's Eternal Sustainance.
Expanding The Church of the Children of Turtle Pie to other forums is a truly worthwhile ideal, perhaps achieved intitially by placing a link to this thread in your sig on those other sites.
I would, however, make one suggestion.
Add a seperate link to the dakka main page, after all it is only right and proper to promote the interests of our generous hosts who could easily have locked this thread but chose to move it and let it live on.
Reaper6 wrote:Expanding The Church of the Children of Turtle Pie to other forums is a truly worthwhile ideal, perhaps achieved intitially by placing a link to this thread in your sig on those other sites.
I would, however, make one suggestion.
Add a seperate link to the dakka main page, after all it is only right and proper to promote the interests of our generous hosts who could easily have locked this thread but chose to move it and let it live on.
I have an account with Rouge-market, and it will be easy to spread the word there. But yes, but a link to Dakka under the link for the most holy turtle pie.
Reaper6 wrote:Ah, the eternally tormenting question. Which came first, the Turtle or the Pie.
The Turtle won.
The Pie decided to take a nap because the Turtle is so slow.
If the pie stays awake, that'll be a whole different question.
Ah, TheBloodGod, whilst your answer is not strictly in the context of text you quoted, you raise a theologically sound point which, as Librarian of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I can answer.
In the race for enlightenment, The Turtle did not win. Neither did The Pie. Whilst The Pie rested, The Turtle generously raised The Pie upon it's back, carrying it toward their mutual goal. Along the way, they encountered, and were joined by, The Supporting Virtues (Faith, Wisdom, Tolerance & Fortitude). The Supporting Virtues (commonly portrayed as Elephants), weary from their own travels, were also permitted to stand upon the great shell of The Turtle, where they too supported The Pie. Thus became the image of the unified journey of Strength, Virtue and Spiritual Sustainance.
In a post of mine, earlier in this thread, you can see a representation of this under the title Great A'Tuin, the version of the Holy Trinity Testudine presented as an ongoing vision to Terry of Pratchett that he may share it with the world at large in the form of his Discworld books.
Oh! And even though I'm on the fence here (may the Terrapin Pasties and the Tortoise Buns guide me) a word of advice, watch out for anti-burning weaapons!
Happygrunt wrote:Has anyone besides me noticed that this entire thing folded out like a much funnyer version of the 40k imperium storyline (horuse herasy)
That pattern has also been repeated MANY times throughout history, though on a much more "biblical" scale.
youbedead wrote: If it is war you want it is war you shall have.
I the leader of the church of turtle pi declare war on the followers of turtle pie
Forward men For 3.14
You false pretenders to the Crust shall be crushed under the Iron Shell of the Great Amphibious One.
Pray to whatever false gods you slave yourselves to and die!
Go forth children and be blessed, for today the Mighty TESTUDINIDAE watches over you. Smash these heretics and wipe them from the face of history. May molten caramel rain holy death from the skies and sear the flesh of these traitors who shun the light of that which is most Delicious.
Bring the light of the Pie to the edges of existence and purge the darkness!
And if you fall in battle, fall knowing your duty is done and Delicious Nirvana awaits those who are most worthy. The Angels of the Heavens will greet you at the Chocolate Gates and lead you too the eternal light! He who dies so that another man may live shall share a slice with our Holy Pie Father as you ride upon the back of the Divine TESTUDINIDAE!
Excellent post Mr. Smashotron, I fully support your initiation into the Church of the Children of the Turtle Pie as an Initiate, all you need is one more member's approval and you may add it to your sig if you so wish.
I also suggest Smashotron be elevated to the rank of "Master of the Armory." His devotion is most evident and such skill is needed if we are to maintain our most Holy machines of war.
I also suggest Smashotron be elevated to the rank of "Master of the Armory." His devotion is most evident and such skill is needed if we are to maintain our most Holy machines of war.
Agreed, Smashotron, you shall be a techpriest initiate in the Church of the Children of the Turtle Pie
youbedead wrote: If it is war you want it is war you shall have.
I the leader of the church of turtle pi declare war on the followers of turtle pie
Forward men For 3.14
As the first Scholar of the Curch of the Children of Turtle Pie, And as the Discoverer of the connection of pie+3.14 = Eternal Turtle Pie, I do now denounce youbedead as a false leader and pretender to the pi. None of the turtle Pi shall follow this pretender or they shall also be denied the blessing of Pie.
In your attempt to usurp the scholar sub-sect of the greater whole that is the Eternal Turtle Pie you have overstepped your bounds and now force the Scholarum to unleash all of the mightiest of weapons. Weapons that were discovered through research and through cooperation with technologically advanced members of the Church(Turtle Pie its name for eternity).Weapons that fire waves of pure energy that deal generous amouts of Pie Plate of doom goodness.
DebonaireToast wrote:Hi there, I'm new around here....
Uhm.... So...The guy at the gate said there was a punch and pie reception over here...?
Ah yes of course. Welcome and make yourself at home. Take a tour through out libraries and maybe sit for a sermon or two.
We have much to offer here within our hallowed walls.
I also welcome you to our order, Brother DebonaireToast.
May the eternal protection of the Great Shell of the Most Holy Turtle, and soul-satisfying nourishment of The Pastry that is Pie be yours as you join us in time to battle the heretics at our gates.
I don't know if you knew this tau don't have exterminatus they give out flowers for the greater good For the turtle and the pie. Destroy the heretics Has any one seen shrike? we need his wisdom in the war.
Ready for war sir.
All right, it seems that this thread is slowing down a little...So until Shrike comes back with some Marneus Piegar pictures, here's something Turtle Pie related:
I assume that our Master of Sanctity is purging heretics and empowering the loyal in the realms of the "Real World". Should our valiant leader not return soon, the warriors of the Templars Testudine might be dispatched on a quest to locate him.
In response to your request, BrotherStynier, as Librarian of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I welcome you to our order, as an acolyte in the ways of The Turtle and The Pie. May you gain strength from the protection of The Holy Shell, and Spiritual Sustainance from the Blessed Omni-Dessert.
God Of Yams wrote:All right, it seems that this thread is slowing down a little...So until Shrike comes back with some Marneus Piegar pictures, here's something Turtle Pie related:
Turtles making Pie!
sonofruss wrote:Is chaplain shrike still here?
We need guidance and pics of calgar. Do not let the pie die for the turtle and the pie
Golden Eyed Scout wrote: PLEASE READ!!!
I notice Shrike hasn't posted in a while. Does anyone know what happened?
It is clear that our beloved leader is missing in action. We can do nothing but pray to that which is most Delicious that he makes a safe return. Shrieks task is a most difficult one as he is preparing an avatar of PIE made manifest. The quality of which must be nothing short of amazing if it is to please The One Who Protects.
However, we face an unfathomable evil that treads on our door step. With each passing day, more and more fall from the light. We are at a time of war and we need a leader. The heresies of these foul scum must not go unpunished if we are to please our Master Pastry.
I am deeply saddened that our most wise leader has abandoned us in our time of need. We are about to reach the pinnacle of Crusty Nirvana and we are assailed by those who wish to drag the name of our Testamentary Treat through the mud.
If our order is to survive, we need a leader. That is why I now declare myself Supreme Warmaster of Turtle Pie. Under my guidance we shall bring the light to all corners of the bakery and destroy all those who stand before The Pie and it's followers.
All I demand is full cooperation and sworn allegiance to me until our Most Wise Chaplain Shriek returns from the void.
Those who fail to recognize me as Warmaster shall be punished with excommunication and death by chocolate.
aunshova wrote:
It is clear that our beloved leader is missing in action. We can do nothing but pray to that which is most Delicious that he makes a safe return. Shrieks task is a most difficult one as he is preparing an avatar of PIE made manifest. The quality of which must be nothing short of amazing if it is to please The One Who Protects.
However, we face an unfathomable evil that treads on our door step. With each passing day, more and more fall from the light. We are at a time of war and we need a leader. The heresies of these foul scum must not go unpunished if we are to please our Master Pastry.
I am deeply saddened that our most wise leader has abandoned us in our time of need. We are about to reach the pinnacle of Crusty Nirvana and we are assailed by those who wish to drag the name of our Testamentary Treat through the mud.
If our order is to survive, we need a leader. That is why I now declare myself Supreme Warmaster of Turtle Pie. Under my guidance we shall bring the light to all corners of the bakery and destroy all those who stand before The Pie and it's followers.
All I demand is full cooperation and sworn allegiance to me until our Most Wise Chaplain Shriek returns from the void.
Those who fail to recognize me as Warmaster shall be punished with excommunication and death by chocolate.
The Shell Protects.
DearMr. Aunshova
It has always been custom within those who truly appreciate Turtle Pie to not claim titles for themselves, but instead ask that others receive them. You're declaration of superiority over the Church is most heinous indeed, as even when Shrike was posting he consulted others (especially the saints) before making decisions that would affect the Church. I regret to inform you that if you do not desist, your declaration of warmastery could very well be seen as heresy.
However, in the absence of the God-Emper- ergh, I mean Shrike, the church requires strong leadership and a stern hand to deal with the heretical "church of the pi" and other impending threats. The Imperium of Pie is at risk, and I for one will offer my sword to the Warmaster.
Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.
DearMr. Aunshova
It has always been custom within those who truly appreciate Turtle Pie to not claim titles for themselves, but instead ask that others receive them. You're declaration of superiority over the Church is most heinous indeed, as even when Shrike was posting he consulted others (especially the saints) before making decisions that would affect the Church. I regret to inform you that if you do not desist, your declaration of warmastery could very well be seen as heresy.
Sincerely,
God Of Yams
Oh Yams, how misguided you are. Truely someone as wise as you must see that these desperate times call for action. We cannot stand idly by as our faith is ravaged by those who wish to dismantle our truly great establishment. Please, I extend my hand to you and offer you grace. Take up my banner and fight for the Great Pie In the Sky. There can only be one outcome from disobedience, and it is a fate far worse than death.
DebonaireToast wrote:A division within the church?
...A grave situation indeed.
However, in the absence of the God-Emper- ergh, I mean Shrike, the church requires strong leadership and a stern hand to deal with the heretical "church of the pi" and other impending threats. The Imperium of Pie is at risk, and I for one will offer my sword to the Warmaster.
Pie for the Pie-ous!
See the faith this young one puts forth? Master Debonaire, I accept your induction and elevate you to the position of Acolyte of the Church. Do well and bring Glory to it's name and you will be rewarded.
focusedfire wrote:Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.
Master Focusedfire, your slanderous tone is most unnerving. I am trying to unify the Church and bring forth a new Golden Crust. Please, I do not wish to make enemies of my closest brothers. Take up my banner and fight for what you know is the right thing to do. I will not hesitate to punish subordination if you do not concur.
youbedead wrote:Now you see turtle pie will fall there is already rebellion in your church.
Of course if you want to dispose of aunshova you could hand him over to us we know haw to deal with... dissidents
You're words shall be the death of you foul heretic! This is not a rebellion, but a unification. If failed policies must be swept aside in order to prosper then so be it. You and your kind will be wiped from the history slates.
aunshova wrote:
Oh Yams, how misguided you are. Truely someone as wise as you must see that these desperate times call for action. We cannot stand idly by as our faith is ravaged by those who wish to dismantle our truly great establishment. Please, I extend my hand to you and offer you grace. Take up my banner and fight for the Great Pie In the Sky. There can only be one outcome from disobedience, and it is a fate far worse than death.
Oh my, by no means should the church be without leadership, but while Shrike is away, we have three saints and an elder librarian to look after things, a priest declaring himself absolute commander is not the solution. Your reasoning is that we need your leadership to combat heresy, but we are already quite adept at this, as the guardians AND space marine legions AND inducted guard are quite cabable of protecting the Turtle Pie from heresy.
Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.
focusedfire wrote:Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.
Master Focusedfire, your slanderous tone is most unnerving. I am trying to unify the Church and bring forth a new Golden Crust. Please, I do not wish to make enemies of my closest brothers. Take up my banner and fight for what you know is the right thing to do. I will not hesitate to punish subordination if you do not concur.
I, Gently, remind my wayward brother that the ranks of Scholar and Priest are EQUAL within the hierarchy of the church and since we are of equal rank I am allowed to pull SENORITY in this matter and order you to cease and desist in this madness until the Church Council decides upon the best course of action.
God Of Yams wrote:Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.
As always, your council is wise St. God Of Yams. This is why I called for a council. Not wishing to be rash, I look to the Saints, Elders, and the divine wisdom of the Omni-desert to guide us through these troubled waters.
God Of Yams wrote:
Oh my, by no means should the church be without leadership, but while Shrike is away, we have three saints and an elder librarian to look after things, a priest declaring himself absolute commander is not the solution. Your reasoning is that we need your leadership to combat heresy, but we are already quite adept at this, as the guardians AND space marine legions AND inducted guard are quite cabable of protecting the Turtle Pie from heresy.
Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.
I have thought about it long enough Yams. The time for discussion is over. The time for action is now. These so called Saints and Librarians are nothing but figure-heads and pencil pushers. They sit by the wayside and count beans while countless lives are sacrificed. The men are starting to grow weary of what they are truly fighting for. True heresy would to let these mortals be extinguished for uncertainty. That is why I take up the reins of Warmaster in order to give these men hope. The men need someone they can look up to. That is why I am here. I will lead these men with unwavering zeal. More followers will flock to my banner. To deny my leadership is to deny the light of That which is Most Delicious.
I offer you one last chance to rethink your ultimatum. Make the right choice, or suffer the consequences.
The church most be united under the one true Crust - the delicious, flaky, golden brown Crust - of the Turtle Pie.
Unification is not always easy - sometimes it is painful - but, regardless of the cost it is imperative that we come together under the Warmaster's banner in order to smite the pi-heretics and bask in the life-giving light of the one true Pie.
Join us - in the name of the Pie, the Turtle, and the Flaky Crust.
Reaper6 wrote:
In response to your request, BrotherStynier, as Librarian of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I welcome you to our order, as an acolyte in the ways of The Turtle and The Pie. May you gain strength from the protection of The Holy Shell, and Spiritual Sustainance from the Blessed Omni-Dessert.
I thank you oh wise Brother Librarian, I shall not fail you or the one true dessert. Blessed be the Omni-Dessert.
I see that a great darkness has over come us my more senior Brothers, this Aunshova Heresy, shouldn't be tolerated. Forgive me brothers if I speak out of turn, or am over zealous but as a warrior, though in this Holy Order a lowly and grateful acolyte, it is my duty to do so. The heretic should, and must suffer the ultimate punishment.
Though the time is dark my faith shines bright. The Omni-Dessert protects.
No problem...its not that I mind receiving the flyers, they've been quite informative.
I'm one of those "if you can see it or touch it, its there" kind of guys. Faith has never come easy for me. The IDEA of Turtle Pie is a great one, I just have trouble beleiving.
Loyalist Brothers, I humbly propose the appointment of sonofruss, to the position of Lord Commander of the Loyalist Forces, Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, until such a time that the title and position is no longer needed.
We must be prepared for the eventuality of the civil war, my company still stands ready to assist.
BrotherStynier wrote:Loyalist Brothers, I humbly propose the appointment of sonofruss, to the position of Lord Commander of the Loyalist Forces, Church of the Children of turtle Pie, until such a time that the title and position is no longer needed.
We must be prepared for the eventuality of the civil war, my company still stands ready to assist.
Insolent whelp ! I supported your entry to our order, and THIS is how you repay me ?
You are forgetting your pledge to learn from our faith. Show the patience of our Most Holy Turtle, and resist the tempation to haste, for that will taint your perception of the true joy that is Pie.
WE DO NOT NEED A WARMASTER, we still have the guiding hand of our Saint, and I have faith that our Master of Sanctity shall indeed return one day. We should be showing UNITY in the face of the heresy at our door, not fighting within our ranks and inviting heresy within.
Submit your offer of penance, and I may be inclined to be merciful, but if you persist in this powermongering you shall be brought low. Of those members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie still operational I, after our Most Holy Saint, am the most senior, and even I do not lay false claim to any title.
REPENT OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF YOUR LIBRARIAN.
Choose now, and choose wisely, your fate hangs upon this decision.
Your words mean nothing mortals. The almighty Omni-dessert has blessed me with a vision.
Only under unity will the Pie prosper. You fools are nothing but lapdogs for a false pretender to the Pie. Your "leader" has abandoned you and left you to rot while he fiddles around with his hobbies.
No more will the men die under the false tether strings of Shriek. No more will they sacrifice themselves for an uncertain future. These "saints" cannot offer these men the will they need to fight on. Everyday, more and more flock to my banner. Countless thousands pledge their allegiance to me and the Great Pie in the Sky. And as of now, I control one third of the Pie-us Protectorate Legions ready to cast down these pretenders to the Pie.
Prepare yourselves fools. My armies march upon your capitals knowing total and complete victory will be accomplished under my guidance. Your phony bastions will burn in the night sky and your corpses shall adorn the street lamps for all to see. Join me or Die.
GO FORWARD MY BROTHERS! BRING THESE LIARS TO THEIR SALVATION IN DEATH! GRANT THEM A HERETICS BENEDICTION!
It is all semantics pancake that is how you spell pancake not P4NC4K3.
I mean what I type hale as in well not dead All hale turtle pie It is not shriek it is shrike * shakes his fist at the youngster*
To war brothers Fight for pie and our true leader shrike
aunshova wrote:Your words mean nothing mortals. The almighty Omni-dessert has blessed me with a vision.
Only under unity will the Pie prosper. You fools are nothing but lapdogs for a false pretender to the Pie. Your "leader" has abandoned you and left you to rot while he fiddles around with his hobbies.
No more will the men die under the false tether strings of Shrike. No more will they sacrifice themselves for an uncertain future. These "saints" cannot offer these men the will they need to fight on. Everyday, more and more flock to my banner. Countless thousands pledge their allegiance to me and the Great Pie in the Sky. And as of now, I control one third of the Pie-us Protectorate Legions ready to cast down these pretenders to the Pie.
Prepare yourselves fools. My armies march upon your capitals knowing total and complete victory will be accomplished under my guidance. Your phony bastions will burn in the night sky and your corpses shall adorn the street lamps for all to see. Join me or Die.
GO FORWARD MY BROTHERS! BRING THESE LIARS TO THEIR SALVATION IN DEATH! GRANT THEM A HERETICS BENEDICTION!
FOR THE PIE AND IT'S MOST PIE-US
aunshova wrote:I now reject my title as priest as was given to me by the false Pie-Master, Shrike.
Judgment has come for you fools.
Fixed, It's SHRIKE, and as already discussed, Nurgle enjoys our donations of pie, and thus has no interest in war with us. You'd better watch what you say, or the guardians may have to take action, and I am in no position to stop them...
We shall not suffer the heretic to take any more ground, we must hold until reinforcements are available. If we must fall in this battle then know that we did so in the name of the Omni-Dessert so that others may live and savior its goodness in peace. To the last man brothers!
aunshova wrote:The Temple of Pecans and the Caramel Citadel.
Not only lost, but truly without a map !
If you're planning to do battle with your former brothers, kid, you're heading the wrong way !
To those misguided fools who choose to follow "Anchovy", I urge you to reconsider.
His is truly a recipe for disaster. Resist the temptations of the false path down which he would lead you. Show the patience and fortitude of The Almighty Turtle, weather this storm within the protection of His Divine Shell whilst this fool wastes his efforts, then emerge and strike as one, with all the force and inevitability of The Mighty Beak itself.
Heed my words, loyal brothers. Show the resistance of The Almighty Shell, then bathe all who falter in the heat of the Immortal Pie at it's most Hot & Spicy !
Reaper6 wrote:
Show the patience and fortitude of The Almighty Turtle, weather this storm within the protection of His Divine Shell whilst this fool wastes his efforts, then emerge and strike as one, with all the force and inevitability of The Mighty Beak itself.
Heed my words, loyal brothers. Show the resistance of The Almighty Shell, then bathe all who falter in the heat of the Immortal Pie at it's most Hot & Spicy !
Most holy Brother Librarian, my men and I shall hold the outer line while the others seek shelter with in, we shall seek to buy you as much time as necessary, unless the Omni-Dessert has other plans for us.
Golden Eyed Scout wrote:Where the hell is Shrike? I haven't seen him post in a while. Perhaps an enemy of the Turtle or the Pie has attempted to take our leader?
Golden Eyed Scout wrote:Where the hell is Shrike? I haven't seen him post in a while. Perhaps an enemy of the Turtle or the Pie has attempted to take our leader?
Now you must surely see the light. Your beloved leader had left you all here to squander your talents.
The fools at the Minty Monastery were gracious enough to to hand over the coordinates to the Segmentum Molasses Relay. It took a little "persuasion" but they eventually saw the truth of my actions.
It's only a matter of time before I find the Orbital Cream Cannon, and when I do, nothing will stop me. So it has been written, so shall it be done.
aunshova wrote:Now you must surely see the light. Your beloved leader had left you all here to squander your talents.
The fools at the Minty Monastery were gracious enough to to hand over the coordinates to the Segmentum Molasses Relay. It took a little "persuasion" but they eventually saw the truth of my actions.
It's only a matter of time before I find the Orbital Cream Cannon, and when I do, nothing will stop me. So it has been written, so shall it be done.
My faith is my shell.
Chaplaingrabthar, I apologize, this disturbs me much more. I didn't know we had an Orbital Cream Cannon, and honestly, I could have gone without knowing that. Aunshova, please take the Cream Cannon, take it far, far, away...
We shall not suffer the heretic to take any more ground, we must hold until reinforcements are available. If we must fall in this battle then know that we did so in the name of the Omni-Dessert so that others may live and savior its goodness in peace. To the last man brothers!
"Sir! Look, its looks like a drop ship! YES! IT IS THE HAND OF THE EMPIRE! REINFORCEMENTS ARE HERE! ITS THE FIRST AND SIXTH COMPANYS!"
BURN THE HERETICS! DESTROY THE MUTANT! FOR ARES AND THE PIE!
(God, I cant leave for two weeks without a war starting can i)
aunshova wrote:Au contraire, once I find it, I'm going to aim it right at your home planet. Then you will feel the wrath of the righteous.
You won't have to do much searching, I found the Orbital Cream Cannon for you...however I don't think I'll let you have it for now, as I don't feel like getting drenched with cream.
sonofruss wrote:The Great company of Ragnar blackmane incoming
for the turtle and the pie
With all these armies that are flocking to our most glorious banner of Turtles and Pies lately, it would seem as though Aunshova and his pitiful gathering are seriously screwed
sonofruss wrote:The Great company of Ragnar blackmane incoming
for the turtle and the pie
With all these armies that are flocking to our most glorious banner of Turtles and Pies lately, it would seem as though Aunshova and his pitiful gathering are seriously screwed
Ah yes the Mummers Farce. Nothing but a trick to lure your attentions away from the real threat. While you fools were fiddling with the O.C.C. (like I would ever associate with something with a Cream Cannon) I was charging mah lazor on the other side of your planet.
Prepare yourselves fools, for your Judgment has come.
+::signals to crew::- FIRE!!!
Now do you see what your actions have done. Your entire faith brought low by incompetence. Can you feel the very air around you ignite. Your atmosphere is being set aflame with the burning powers of the Pie.
+::signals to crew::- MAINTAIN SALVO!!! ==:
How does it feel to have fallen so hard? The planet you once called home, now, completely eradicated of all life. No more chanting, no more praying, no more Pie.......no more pie?.........no.........what have I done!
DAMNATION! How was I so blind! How could I have been such a tool!
I......I have failed. I have failed everyone I once called brother. But the damned voices. I.....I thought it was a vision. A divination form the Pie.
I was weak, in my moment of glory, I was taken. I see now.
The health-food gods are a malevolent force. They are too strong to deny at the same time. I see now that it was the Celery Sticks, not the Pie that whispered such lies into my soul, thus damning me for eternity.
And.....and now my damnation awaits. My soul cast to the void in an eternal servitude to the powers of Health Foods.
Forgive me..... I will now sacrifice myself to close the rift the dying planet has created.
+::signals to crew::- Reroute towards that entity. Full speed.====::*
To all those who served under me, I am sorry. Go now and seek ye not forgiveness but repentance.
And with that I depart, to dwell eternally in....... The Pie of Terror
*A few battered and defeated Marines emerge from a bunker carrying dead or dying Brothers and worshipers of the Almighty Turtle Pie, lead by an injured Stynier and look upon the dying world as reinforcements arrive*
Omni-dessert, what have we doneto deserve this fate?
aunshova wrote:Ah yes the Mummers Farce. Nothing but a trick to lure your attentions away from the real threat. While you fools were fiddling with the O.C.C. (like I would ever associate with something with a Cream Cannon) I was charging mah lazor on the other side of your planet.
Prepare yourselves fools, for your Judgment has come.
+::signals to crew::- FIRE!!!
Now do you see what your actions have done. Your entire faith brought low by incompetence. Can you feel the very air around you ignite. Your atmosphere is being set aflame with the burning powers of the Pie.
+::signals to crew::- MAINTAIN SALVO!!! ==:
How does it feel to have fallen so hard? The planet you once called home, now, completely eradicated of all life. No more chanting, no more praying, no more Pie.......no more pie?.........no.........what have I done!
DAMNATION! How was I so blind! How could I have been such a tool!
I......I have failed. I have failed everyone I once called brother. But the damned voices. I.....I thought it was a vision. A divination form the Pie.
I was weak, in my moment of glory, I was taken. I see now.
The health-food gods are a malevolent force. They are too strong to deny at the same time. I see now that it was the Celery Sticks, not the Pie that whispered such lies into my soul, thus damning me for eternity.
And.....and now my damnation awaits. My soul cast to the void in an eternal servitude to the powers of Health Foods.
Forgive me..... I will now sacrifice myself to close the rift the dying planet has created.
+::signals to crew::- Reroute towards that entity. Full speed.====::*
To all those who served under me, I am sorry. Go now and seek ye not forgiveness but repentance.
And with that I depart, to dwell eternally in....... The Pie of Terror
As Zealot of the Church, I pronounce that your crimes are irriversible, and you are doomed. However, I was once also controlled by the likes of chaos, and must give you a mission to repent, as it shall insure your lasting in non-chaos grip. You must find, and destroy, the Celery Sticks to prove you loyalty. And when you retrun, you will be stripped of your rank and must re-climb the ranks again. GO FORTH FOR THE PIE!
* looks around good thing he missed the moon base where the chapter fortress is. *
The armies of Russ, Dorn, Corax, and Gilliman survive and the titan legion has not landed yet.
Poor guards men. Time for war. *sounds of troops marching and angry voices*
for the turtle the pie and our lost brothers on the planet
Brothers, I have thought long and hard on this subject and have come to a realization.
Aunshova, no matter how misguided, showed us something, he showed us how far we have drifted from our purpose. We have blinded ourselves in this war against heresy, and forgotten our true purpose. Does no one present remember the reason Turtle Pie is around in the first place? Our most holy creation was created in order to combat pointless threads, not heretics. This poll was created to make Turtle Pie versions of popular 40k themes, often with delicious puns involved, yet we have turned it into a war zone.
I ask all of you, Including Aunshova, do you really want this thread to stay how it is? Or do you want to rise above our petty arguing and use this thread as the base of operations for all things Turtle Pie? as it should be.
To find the true spirit of Turtle pie, I urge you to return to the beginning of this thread and the original posts by Arihiman, who was an idiot, but an idiot we should be thanking for indirectly causing this whole thing.
Well Brothers, enough with this speech, it's time to make your decision, I leave you with a quote I find particularly relevant in this situation.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, inside a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
God Of Yams you are right, dear god what have we done. I wish to repent. I wish to join the church of pi and pie. We are stronger together then separate. All i ask is that the church of turtle pi remain a sect of the most holy church of turtle pie.
As Zealot of the Church, I pronounce that your crimes are irriversible, and you are doomed. However, I was once also controlled by the likes of chaos, and must give you a mission to repent, as it shall insure your lasting in non-chaos grip. You must find, and destroy, the Celery Sticks to prove you loyalty. And when you retrun, you will be stripped of your rank and must re-climb the ranks again. GO FORTH FOR THE PIE!
I am going to attempt to make 40k figs of the holy Chuck and Mr T in terminator armor what head should I use for Mr T?
For the turtle the pie and the end of pointless threads.
youbedead wrote:God Of Yams you are right, dear god what have we done. I wish to repent. I wish to join the church of pi and pie. We are stronger together then separate. All i ask is that the church of turtle pi remain a sect of the most holy church of turtle pie.
Onc eyou truly join us, I hope you recognize that Pie is greater than Pi, but until then, I don't see why we should exclude you.
Brothers... my absence has been long... and my solitude from you has been lonely... I feel that I have betrayed my station as High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... and in turn, Turtle pie itself and all of its followers...
I seek not forgiveness for my sins... but the reasons for my absence were niether Laxity, nor heresy... But tradgedy can sap the will of even the most faithful...
And now I have returned, bowed and humbled before you devout... I ask that I may return to the church, and prove my worth, and piety once more
Brothers... my absence has been long... and my solitude from you has been lonely... I feel that I have betrayed my station as High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... and in turn, Turtle pie itself and all of its followers...
I seek not forgiveness for my sins... but the reasons for my absence were niether Laxity, nor heresy... But tradgedy can sap the will of even the most faithful...
And now I have returned, bowed and humbled before you devout... I ask that I may return to the church, and prove my worth, and piety once more
My lord, you will ever have our welcome, as you are the one who first alerted us to the truth of Turtle and Pie. may your life never experiance another tragedy, we merely ask that do not leave us leaderless, as we unfortuently lead astray. We welcome you back, lord Shrike78. may both Turtle and Pie watch over you.
Brothers... my absence has been long... and my solitude from you has been lonely... I feel that I have betrayed my station as High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... and in turn, Turtle pie itself and all of its followers...
I seek not forgiveness for my sins... but the reasons for my absence were niether Laxity, nor heresy... But tradgedy can sap the will of even the most faithful...
And now I have returned, bowed and humbled before you devout... I ask that I may return to the church, and prove my worth, and piety once more
Hey welcome back! Take a seat, have a slice. And don't look at the past few pages.
Brothers... my absence has been long... and my solitude from you has been lonely... I feel that I have betrayed my station as High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... and in turn, Turtle pie itself and all of its followers...
I seek not forgiveness for my sins... but the reasons for my absence were niether Laxity, nor heresy... But tradgedy can sap the will of even the most faithful...
And now I have returned, bowed and humbled before you devout... I ask that I may return to the church, and prove my worth, and piety once more
My lord, you will ever have our welcome, as you are the one who first alerted us to the truth of Turtle and Pie. may your life never experiance another tragedy, we merely ask that do not leave us leaderless, as we unfortuently lead astray. We welcome you back, lord Shrike78. may both Turtle and Pie watch over you.
Though I thank you for your welcome, It should be established that I was not the one who first discovered turtle pie
That honor belongs to our saints, who were sainted thusly
I have a request of those who follow in the footsteps of turtle pie... those who have official standings in the church, please post exactly what your rank is... I will then compile this data on the front page of the Turtle pie blog for all to see.... that is, if the librarians of the church do not thin that I overstep my bounds
Also... I have recieved requests for icons of themost holy turtle pie... These I do not have, as my seclusion from dakka represented a seclusion from all things warhammer, as well as video games, television, and so on...
My apologies, I will provide the icons as soon as I find them
Shrike78 wrote:I have a request of those who follow in the footsteps of turtle pie... those who have official standings in the church, please post exactly what your rank is... I will then compile this data on the front page of the Turtle pie blog for all to see.... that is, if the librarians of the church do not thin that I overstep my bounds
Also... I have recieved requests for icons of themost holy turtle pie... These I do not have, as my seclusion from dakka represented a seclusion from all things warhammer, as well as video games, television, and so on...
My apologies, I will provide the icons as soon as I find them
Hey, welcome back! (have I already said that)
Anyway, my rank is Zealot Protectoris of the Church of Turtle Pie
And there is me sonofruss who still does not have a rank. Please give me a rank. I am spreading the love for turtle pie to my flgs.
I am also working on a apocalypse force for apocalypse with as many pie plates as possible.
big pie and small pie.
your official inception is long overdue brother sonofruss... long have you walked the halls of our church, guided by your faith... However, I think that part of the reason for this oversight has been because, while your faith is obviously strong, there has been little indication as to what task would allow you to most benefit the cause of the great Turtle Pie.
For now, I propose that sonofruss be made an acolyte of our church... and that he be given the choice to follow either the Ordo Zealous, Rhetoric, or Librarium
Welcome back Shrike, Your presence has been missed. I regret your tragedy and hope that whenever such strikes in your life that it will be balanced with an equal amount of good fortune. I also look forward to the next installment of your creative work in progress.
As to my rank, I am still a scholar of the greater goodness that is the Eternal Turtle Pie.
Master of Sanctity, your return is most welcome news and could not have come at a better time. Our brotherhood is in need of your moral guidance as we repair the wounds of the schism within our ranks.
Sonofruss has indeed more than adequately proven his loyalty and zeal in the defence of The Omnidessert. Truly, he laboured long and hard in his service to the Turtle Most Holy, and The Pie of Spiritual Sustenance, all of which was done as a mere volunteer, not even fully within the order. In recognition of this, I suggest he bypass the rank of Acolyte completely, and advance further up the ladder of knowledge.
To those brothers who remained loyal, you have each done the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie proud and your devotion shall truly be rewarded with the warmth of The Round Crusty Pastry which nutrures your souls as you journey toward true enlightenment.
Those of you who doubted, take heed. Librarians may be a little out on the timing, but we are never fully wrong. I forsaw the return of our Master of Sanctity, and return he did. Let this be a lesson in the truly Circular nature of the Pie.
Shrike, As the current ranking member of the Ordo Librum, I speak for all within my branch when I assure you that compiling the list you mentioned would NOT be overstepping the mark. As Master of Sanctity, creating a roll of our loyal brothers is well within your jurisdiction.
Hail the might of the Turtle Most Holy.
Hail the succour of the Pie Most Divine,
Brothers, I have a question for you all, particularly the leaders of our most Holy Church through whom, the Omni-Dessert makes its will manifest.
What of meat pies? They are a close relative of the dessert pies, a cousin if you will. Why is it not represented in our Holy Order? Surely something that grants Pie more than just a dessert or snack position is a great thing.
May I join as a Paladin or Crusader of the Holy Pie, and the Mighty Turtle? I would be greatly honored if I was,
as my skills with a blade would enable me to destroy all the enemies of Turtle Pie.
Few have stepped directly into the clergy of the Church of the Children of turtle pie... Though sufficient review may lend weight to your cause, for now I propose ye be an initiate to our ways.
As you learn the ways of Turtle Pie, and as you prove yourself pie-ous to the great omni-dessert, ye will be elevated so that you may better serve the great pastry
Shrike78 wrote:Few have stepped directly into the clergy of the Church of the Children of turtle pie... Though sufficient review may lend weight to your cause, for now I propose ye be an initiate to our ways.
As you learn the ways of Turtle Pie, and as you prove yourself pie-ous to the great omni-dessert, ye will be elevated so that you may better serve the great pastry
YES!!! Does this mean I'm an intiate to the Paladin forces of the church, or just an inductee?
I guess if I were to join the Church, I would be some kind of artificer/mason (Check out the great job I did on my fence!) I may be willing to be master of Fortifications, pastry Palisades are a specialty of mine...
The Saint has returned from his wandering in the great dangers of the internetz. And I missed the war as well.
Ah well, thank the Pie that our great and mighty church has returned to its former glory. But now our sacred thread has reached a peak (100 votes! Whoo!) that only that pieless heretic can climb.
Hmm... now I'm back, have we managed to preach to any other threads yet?
I hunger for pie. I may even be persuaded to indulge in the turtle variety. If only there was a Commander Farsight model with the Pie blade to persuade me further.
Brothers, I now put forward for your consideration that all of ChaplainGrabthar past transgressions and hostilities be completely forgiven if he is successful in the quest of finding Farsight and his mighty Pie Wedge.
Such a find would help us to rightfully serve The Omni-Dessert to those most in need. All Praise the Greater Wholeness that is The Eternal Turtle Pie.
Yep, go and get it and you shall no longer be a heretic.
So you've got a Scholar, our High Chaplain and a Saint on your side should you go get it. Should you return with the Sacred Pie Wedge of Farsight, then any previous heretical stuff shall be forgotten, and you will be redeemed in the ligh of the Turtle pie.
chaplaingrabthar wrote:I hunger for pie. I may even be persuaded to indulge in the turtle variety. If only there was a Commander Farsight model with the Pie blade to persuade me further.
You just gave me an awesome idear for the Shova I'm currently working on.
realspace3 wrote:I too wish to worship the mighty turtle pie.
umm, how do I join??
Brother/Sister, it is simple. Dedicate yourself to learning the facts of Chuck Norris, and Mr. T, as well as their offspring, Mr. Chuck and T Norris. be ever vigilant for the threat of cupcakes, and ensure that you do not allow the dastardly Brownie to ever taint you.
He looks like a turtle and breathes fire, which he uses to cook pies. He is an embodiment of the Turtle Pie, while Nintendo are all heretics for portraying him as a villan.
God Of Yams wrote:Quick, brothers, we must find a new model for shrike to use as the mighty Piegar's mount
realspace3 wrote:Most flavoured followers of Turtle Pie (may it be full and sweet), I have a dilemma.
Is Bowser a Heretical Idol that must be cast down, or is he an embodiment of the power of Turtle Pie (May it encompass the whole of creation)?
I have an answer to both our problems! The most holy bowser and the mount needed are one and the same! Look at his pious flames!
I decree that this shall be the new mount, as Zealot Protectoris!
If I may suggest, I think the turtle pi could be a sect of turtle pie devoted to the furthering of the church's scientific knowledge. Much like the tech adepts of mars.
Also I wish to repent my former transgressions and become an acolyte, after all I did commit my armies to defeating aunshova.
youbedead wrote:If I may suggest, I think the turtle pi could be a sect of turtle pie devoted to the furthering of the church's scientific knowledge. Much like the tech adepts of mars.
Also I wish to repent my former transgressions and become an acolyte, after all I did commit my armies to defeating aunshova.
Turtle Pi is not a sect of Turtle Pie, it is part of it.
Pi day occurred recently, and I celebrated it with...but I'm sure you already guessed...pie! There is no need to distance yourself from us in order to study the irrational number.
and just to further my point, here is irrefutable evidence:
God Of Yams wrote:Turtle Pi is not a sect of Turtle Pie, it is part of it.
Pi day occurred recently, and I celebrated it with...but I'm sure you already guessed...pie! There is no need to distance yourself from us in order to study the irrational number.
To further strengthen stance of St Yams (Thank the Almighty Turtle for the guidance of It's Holy Saint), as senior member of the Ordo Librum of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I would happily welcome youbedead as an acolyte to the order, as mathematical theorems reside within the realms of the Librum as well as Mechanicum.
In light of this duality, may I suggest the following image as his personal heraldry, should he attain such rank within the Church as to warrant it's use :
There are already two space marine chapters, but have we been ignorant of other facets of the pie?
Should bowser command a legion of warp koopa's, or is idea naught but heresy?
realspace3 you need to add your inception date in to the church of the children of turtle pie. May the turtle and pie watch over you.
for the turtle and the pie Just add it to your sig.
The thread itself is not in need of a Holy Pie Barrage, but a comment within sparked my righteous fury :
typhus wrote:well it is only drybrushing
For his comment denouncing the efforts of a child new to our blessed hobby, I feel typhus should be watched closely and, should the opportunity arise, feel the righteous wrath of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
God Of Yams wrote:If only he turned his skills towards creating defenders of turtle pie
Give him time, Saintly One. It's possible he has yet to hear the message of the Turtle Most Awesome and the Pie Most Succulent.
BTW, Saint Yams, I have just googled "40k turtles", as I sometimes do in salute to your first search ( page 1 of this thread). I am pleased to report that this thread remains the first result.
My lords, could this boy not be one of the followers of the Turtle Pi sect? I thought the Nercons are servants of that most holy sect of our order.
Lords, as a relatively new, and wandering member of our holy church I have a question. Do we have an Inquisition with which to track and keep an eye on individuals such as he who rebuts the skills of the child?
Ahem ! Master of Sanctity Shrike, Most Holy Saint Yams, in an order such as ours, based as it is upon the structure of the Adeptus Astartes, the role of observing the actions of others falls within the jurisdiction of the Reclusium.
As such, we wouldn't have an Inquisition within our order, and even our current Zealot Protectoris is comparable to an over-enthusiastic Chaplain ( Brings new meaning to the phrase " Go Cassius on his ass " ) or Emperor's Champion ( probably a little closer, to tell the truth)
Within our current structure, assuming it to be based on a Codex formation, BrotherStynier would be inducted as a Chaplain, studying under the Master of Sanctity. (Hey, I'm an Ultramarine's player, the Codex is my unit's bible !)
The nearest Non-Codex equivalent would actually be the Interrogator Chaplains of the Dark Angels, which would probably be a little closer to the duties to which BrotherStynier seems ideally suited.
Based on these facts, I suggest we allocate a portion of our chaplains to the Interrogator Chaplain role, beginning with BrotherStynier, though still answering to the Master of Sancity as the most senior representative of The Reclusium Testudine.
On a seperate issue, for his work on the armour of one of the Sanctified Chapters, I would suggest the title of Artificer be awarded to realspace3.
So my brothers, Am I Grand Master of the Inquisition or Interrogator Chaplain now?
I simply would like to point out that it would be more difficult to search within our own ranks, as well as the forums if we are answerable to the Reclusium.
I have no problem with either position as I simply wish to serve the turtle pie.
BrotherStynier wrote:So my brothers, Am I Grand Master of the Inquisition or Interrogator Chaplain now?
I simply would like to point out that it would be more difficult to search within our own ranks, as well as the forums if we are answerable to the Reclusium.
I have no problem with either position as I simply wish to serve the turtle pie.
The duty of the Ordo Reclusium is to defend the Church and its followers. The Inquisition, therefore, is a subsect of the Ordo Reclusium, as it's pursuit of heretics protects us from those that would lead us astray.
You will be an Interrogator Chaplain, lest my bretheren in the other ordos, or the saints, have other plans for you.
A precedent has been set for the Ordo Reclusium. We defend the followers, the church, even the ideals of turtle pie. Whether beset by heretics from without or within, we will be the sword and the shield and the radiant might of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Just checking, never hurts to be sure. Incidentally, what post/rank within the Church do you currently hold ? You have proven your loyalty to our faith in the Omnidessert, standing boldly against the heretics, yet it seems you have been overlooked for promotion !
Scout, you have indeed been with us for quite a while now, and have shown temperence and resolve in your studies. You raise a valid point regarding your own promotion.
I put it to the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie that Golden Eyed Scout has shown the patience of The Blessed Turtle, studying diligently and staying on the path of the righteous. In light of this, isn't it about time he was elevated within the Ordo Paladin, to Knight perhaps ?
OverbossGhurzubMoga wrote:Ok. Can I get a layman's explanation of this so-called Church? After said explanation, where's the dotted line that I sign my soul away on?
We support all things involving Turtles and Pie, preferably the combination of the two, as well as derailing pointless or stupid forums.
Just checking, never hurts to be sure. Incidentally, what post/rank within the Church do you currently hold ? You have proven your loyalty to our faith in the Omnidessert, standing boldly against the heretics, yet it seems you have been overlooked for promotion !
Scout, you have indeed been with us for quite a while now, and have shown temperence and resolve in your studies. You raise a valid point regarding your own promotion.
I put it to the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie that Golden Eyed Scout has shown the patience of The Blessed Turtle, studying diligently and staying on the path of the righteous. In light of this, isn't it about time he was elevated within the Ordo Paladin, to Knight perhaps ?
I am currently in the zealot protectoris branch of our holy order of turtle and pie.
We need to do an overhaul of the rank system to update every ones rank and file.
Just checking, never hurts to be sure. Incidentally, what post/rank within the Church do you currently hold ? You have proven your loyalty to our faith in the Omnidessert, standing boldly against the heretics, yet it seems you have been overlooked for promotion !
Scout, you have indeed been with us for quite a while now, and have shown temperence and resolve in your studies. You raise a valid point regarding your own promotion.
I put it to the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie that Golden Eyed Scout has shown the patience of The Blessed Turtle, studying diligently and staying on the path of the righteous. In light of this, isn't it about time he was elevated within the Ordo Paladin, to Knight perhaps ?
DebonaireToast wrote:
Golden Eyed Scout wrote:How do I earn the right to level my self up in the Church?
Kill terrifying monsters...such as RATS!
Or if grinding is not your thing....completing a quest perhaps? Recovering a holy relic of the church maybe?
realspace3 wrote:You dedicate your life and soul to the furtherment of the Most Holy Turtle Pie
I hearby, humbled in the light of both Turtle and Pie, that the ranks of the Paladin Arms of the Church be set forth thusly.
1. Knight Cheval. A true champion of Pie and Turtle, these mighty warriors dedicate themselves to the Pie and Turtle. To become one of these few is truly long and ardous, but unbridled power and understanding await those who traverse this path. They have spent many long, hard, unforgiving winters in sone of the coldest regions on the planet, meditating and training. Their teacher, provides them with more than just knowledge of war. He gives them the knowledge of Love, a more potent weapon than any other. They emerge from their training, battered, weary, and tired, but filled with a new resolve they had never thought possible of possesing. A truly fearsome warrior, they are a boon to their brothers and sister, and a bane to their enemies. A Knight Cheval operates on the longest of leashes, searching the world for to bring light of Turtles and Pie. When they have left this world for others, their bodies are claimed by twelve other Kinght Chevalliers, and intered in the underground city of Rathma. None other than the Knight Cheval may enter this sacred realm. Those who have tried, are shown no mercy. The Knight Cheval rescues the orphans of war, and raise them in this city. The children never speak, sworn never to tell others of what they have seen of the truth of Turtle and Pie. The orpahns view them as the manifest will of both Tutle and Pie, having been saved by them from a life of misery.
1B. Crusader Master. A master of warfare, the Crusade Master shows no mercy, and leaves no survivors. They are at the forfront of any action, determined to spread the truth of Turtle Pie from atop a steed and by their blade. Many beconme so enraptured with spreading faith through force, they preach even with their dying breath.
2. Knight. A knight fills the postition of philosopher, warrior, and tactition. They are responsible for much of the spreading of the faith in the North eastern parts.
2B. Crusader. Dedicated to spreading the Word. They are dogmatic and zealous in the best and worst senses of the word. They are responsible for atrocities, and unbelievable victories. Viewed as insane by most, they find solace only with other Crusaders. They are too important for the church to lose, but cause much misery
3. Cheval. A Cheval is taken under the wing of a knight or crusader, and taught everything that their master knows. Young, innocent, and full of hope, they represent the newest generation of followers of the Word.
4. Intiate. A young one who has yet to find their a master to teach them, they present a false bravodo, and many feel they are forsaken quickly unless taken in by a master. Many lose faith, and are taken in by the churches assasins. But that is a story for another day.....
I wish to be a Knight Cheval, as I have quested long and hard, suffered much, and given more than I ever thought possible to the cause. I await the answer of our lord, Shrike78, for what he views me as being best suited for. May Pie be with you.
Brothers, I have seen the light and embrace this most holy of desserts after reading the Cook Book of Turtle Pie.
I humbly request to join the church and be granted the rank of Prior, that I may go forth and bring the light of Turtle Pie amongst the unknowing that have been sheltered by evil. Together with the Paladins of the Church, we shall crusade against the heretics and unbelievers, that all shalt know the most beneficent and glorious Omnidessert.
Platuan4th wrote:Brothers, I have seen the light and embrace this most holy of desserts after reading the Cook Book of Turtle Pie.
I humbly request to join the church and be granted the rank of Prior, that I may go forth and bring the light of Turtle Pie amongst the unknowing that have been sheltered by evil. Together with the Paladins of the Church, we shall crusade against the heretics and unbelievers, that all shalt know the most beneficent and glorious Omnidessert.
Hallowed is the All Pie!
The Knight Cheval Golden Eyed Scout shall bring about truth to the masses along with Prior Platuan4th!
Shrike78 wrote:
The duty of the Ordo Reclusium is to defend the Church and its followers. The Inquisition, therefore, is a subsect of the Ordo Reclusium, as it's pursuit of heretics protects us from those that would lead us astray.
You will be an Interrogator Chaplain, lest my bretheren in the other ordos, or the saints, have other plans for you.
A precedent has been set for the Ordo Reclusium. We defend the followers, the church, even the ideals of turtle pie. Whether beset by heretics from without or within, we will be the sword and the shield and the radiant might of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
My thanks lord, I shall not falter in my duties. It would appear it is time for me to take to the lonely path of lurking, to study the heretic so that we may better combat its evil, and so that they shall be known to our most holy cause.
OverbossGhurzubMoga wrote:Rejoice, for another Lost One comes forth from the Darkness to embrace the Light of the Most Holy Turtle Pie.
Ghurzub, if you wish to join us, you may enter at the rank of Acolyte, add your rank to your sig along with your induction date (and time if you really want to).
Doesn't a representetive of the Church of Turtle Pie have to agree with his joining of the Most Wonderful Church of the Omnidessert?
The Third Saint (me) decrees that Ghurzub is entered unto the Most Scrumptious Church of the Turtle Pie, and recieves the rank of Acolyte for seeing the light, the light that is Turtle Pie.
Mekboy wrote:Doesn't a representetive of the Church of Turtle Pie have to agree with his joining of the Most Wonderful Church of the Omnidessert?
The Third Saint (me) decrees that Ghurzub is entered unto the Most Scrumptious Church of the Turtle Pie, and recieves the rank of Acolyte for seeing the light, the light that is Turtle Pie.
You are right, Mekboy, I foolishly assumed that because he was only becoming a lowly acolyte I could take things into my own hands. I apologize.
I believe that cake, not having some sort of a filling center, would not be considered Pie-ous enough. However, if the cake had some sort of filling, or perhaps was an ice cream cake, I would submit it to our scholastic order for consideration.
Creamy reptile icing... Suculent shell filling... and a plesant dose of BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD in the sponge..... Sound pie enough? May be a bit.... messy though...
IRPurple wrote:Creamy reptile icing... Suculent shell filling... and a plesant dose of BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD in the sponge..... Sound pie enough? May be a bit.... messy though...
Uhh, you know the Pies we eat aren't made from Turtles right?
Ok, due to a recent mishap in another thread, I think we need to go over the rules again. A thread is only to be turtle pied if it is already pointless or ridiculous good, on topic threads are to be left alone!.
This is fun, but if you go around putting turtle pie everywhere, people trying to post in real threads are going to get pissed, and rightfully so.
Just checking, never hurts to be sure. Incidentally, what post/rank within the Church do you currently hold ? You have proven your loyalty to our faith in the Omnidessert, standing boldly against the heretics, yet it seems you have been overlooked for promotion !
Scout, you have indeed been with us for quite a while now, and have shown temperence and resolve in your studies. You raise a valid point regarding your own promotion.
I put it to the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie that Golden Eyed Scout has shown the patience of The Blessed Turtle, studying diligently and staying on the path of the righteous. In light of this, isn't it about time he was elevated within the Ordo Paladin, to Knight perhaps ?
DebonaireToast wrote:
Golden Eyed Scout wrote:How do I earn the right to level my self up in the Church?
Kill terrifying monsters...such as RATS!
Or if grinding is not your thing....completing a quest perhaps? Recovering a holy relic of the church maybe?
realspace3 wrote:You dedicate your life and soul to the furtherment of the Most Holy Turtle Pie
I hearby, humbled in the light of both Turtle and Pie, that the ranks of the Paladin Arms of the Church be set forth thusly.
1. Knight Cheval. A true champion of Pie and Turtle, these mighty warriors dedicate themselves to the Pie and Turtle. To become one of these few is truly long and ardous, but unbridled power and understanding await those who traverse this path. They have spent many long, hard, unforgiving winters in sone of the coldest regions on the planet, meditating and training. Their teacher, provides them with more than just knowledge of war. He gives them the knowledge of Love, a more potent weapon than any other. They emerge from their training, battered, weary, and tired, but filled with a new resolve they had never thought possible of possesing. A truly fearsome warrior, they are a boon to their brothers and sister, and a bane to their enemies. A Knight Cheval operates on the longest of leashes, searching the world for to bring light of Turtles and Pie. When they have left this world for others, their bodies are claimed by twelve other Kinght Chevalliers, and intered in the underground city of Rathma. None other than the Knight Cheval may enter this sacred realm. Those who have tried, are shown no mercy. The Knight Cheval rescues the orphans of war, and raise them in this city. The children never speak, sworn never to tell others of what they have seen of the truth of Turtle and Pie. The orpahns view them as the manifest will of both Tutle and Pie, having been saved by them from a life of misery.
1B. Crusader Master. A master of warfare, the Crusade Master shows no mercy, and leaves no survivors. They are at the forfront of any action, determined to spread the truth of Turtle Pie from atop a steed and by their blade. Many beconme so enraptured with spreading faith through force, they preach even with their dying breath.
2. Knight. A knight fills the postition of philosopher, warrior, and tactition. They are responsible for much of the spreading of the faith in the North eastern parts.
2B. Crusader. Dedicated to spreading the Word. They are dogmatic and zealous in the best and worst senses of the word. They are responsible for atrocities, and unbelievable victories. Viewed as insane by most, they find solace only with other Crusaders. They are too important for the church to lose, but cause much misery
3. Cheval. A Cheval is taken under the wing of a knight or crusader, and taught everything that their master knows. Young, innocent, and full of hope, they represent the newest generation of followers of the Word.
4. Intiate. A young one who has yet to find their a master to teach them, they present a false bravodo, and many feel they are forsaken quickly unless taken in by a master. Many lose faith, and are taken in by the churches assasins. But that is a story for another day.....
I wish to be a Knight Cheval, as I have quested long and hard, suffered much, and given more than I ever thought possible to the cause. I await the answer of our lord, Shrike78, for what he views me as being best suited for. May Pie be with you.
Um, little problem, where would my rank fall, as I was the first in the order as far as i know...
That ranking system was created by a lowly heretic, do not follow it, it is false and will rot your mind. Instead, let us cleanse our minds in the way of The Turtle by forgetting it and spreading word of the Pie to other forums.
!? wrote:That ranking system was created by a lowly heretic, do not follow it, it is false and will rot your mind. Instead, let us cleanse our minds in the way of The Turtle by forgetting it and spreading word of the Pie to other forums.
If you are talking of me, I advise you to take heed. I asked for Shrike78 to authorize the ranking system i made for the paladins. Next time, clarify, fro if you don't, I will not be so generous. You have been warned.
!? wrote:That ranking system was created by a lowly heretic, do not follow it, it is false and will rot your mind. Instead, let us cleanse our minds in the way of The Turtle by forgetting it and spreading word of the Pie to other forums.
Brother it is to my understanding that neither I nor my Holy Order has proclaimed Golden Eyed Scout as a heretic, in fact it seems as though he has been a great service to the church, despite his eagerness to accept a rank that has yet to be decided upon by our lords. But if you insist upon making a formal complaint I will have no choice but to investigate this matter.
Happygrunt wrote:Um, little problem, where would my rank fall, as I was the first in the order as far as i know...
If you truly were the first of the Holy Order in question than you would fall under the rank of either
1. Knight Cheval
OR
1B. Crusader Master
Depending on your prowess in war and whether this system is adopted.
Golden Eyed Scout wrote: The Knight Cheval Golden Eyed Scout shall bring about truth to the masses along with Prior Platuan4th!
GES I do not think your rank has been ratified by any one as of yet, going under this false rank could be considered as heresy do not forget the Aunshova Heresy, nor the living example the Fallen Angel is, he took for himself a title that did not exist and tore our church in two.
And that fact has been taken in to consideration as to why you are not a heretic! Taking a rank prematurely is the only thing I can think off the top of my head that could be held against you by those that do consider you a heretic.
Be patient, they will reach their decision in time. I see nothing wrong with what you have proposed nor, do I have any qualms about you and Happygrunt leading that particular Ordo, at this time at least.
BrotherStynier wrote:And that fact has been taken in to consideration as to why you are not a heretic! Taking a rank prematurely is the only thing I can think off the top of my head that could be held against you by those that do consider you a heretic.
Be patient, they will reach their decision in time. I see nothing wrong with what you have proposed nor, do I have any qualms about you and Happygrunt leading that particular Ordo, at this time at least.
YAYS! I AM NOT A HERETIC! i was just trying out the title. Has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you say?
!? wrote:That ranking system was created by a lowly heretic, do not follow it, it is false and will rot your mind. Instead, let us cleanse our minds in the way of The Turtle by forgetting it and spreading word of the Pie to other forums.
Brother it is to my understanding that neither I nor my Holy Order has proclaimed Golden Eyed Scout as a heretic, in fact it seems as though he has been a great service to the church, despite his eagerness to accept a rank that has yet to be decided upon by our lords. But if you insist upon making a formal complaint I will have no choice but to investigate this matter.
Happygrunt wrote:Um, little problem, where would my rank fall, as I was the first in the order as far as i know...
If you truly were the first of the Holy Order in question than you would fall under the rank of either
1. Knight Cheval
OR
1B. Crusader Master
Depending on your prowess in war and whether this system is adopted.
Golden Eyed Scout wrote: The Knight Cheval Golden Eyed Scout shall bring about truth to the masses along with Prior Platuan4th!
GES I do not think your rank has been ratified by any one as of yet, going under this false rank could be considered as heresy do not forget the Aunshova Heresy, nor the living example the Fallen Angel is, he took for himself a title that did not exist and tore our church in two.
Indeed Happygrunt but only if our most pie-ous lords decree that the titles and positions are acceptable. To get the ball rolling I humble submit my support to its candidacy.
BrotherStynier wrote:Indeed Happygrunt but only if our most pie-ous lords decree that the titles and positions are acceptable. To get the ball rolling I humble submit my support to its candidacy.
YAYS! That's two on board, only another lots more to go....
My favored scions of the pastry, I return from the warp to bring you most divine news. The Age of Bake-ening is almost at hand. As we speak, the great pie in the sky melds with the might of the tortoise. Soon it will materialize and guild us to the light.
(Long story short, a friend of mine is building a turtle with pie crust for a shell.)
aunshova wrote:My favored scions of the pastry, I return from the warp to bring you most divine news. The Age of Bake-ening is almost at hand. As we speak, the great pie in the sky melds with the might of the tortoise. Soon it will materialize and guild us to the light.
(Long story short, a friend of mine is building a turtle with pie crust for a shell.)
I'll get some monday. They might be a bit small on the count of using a cell phone bscause it's part of a class I'm taking and they don't allow cameras.
You know what would be cool is if we could do adepticon next year a all guard army called the disciples of turtle pie. With lots of pie plates russes bassies ect lots of infantry.
Having shirts made up with dakka on the front with permition from yak and lego and a huge turtle pie on the back with flingin pie for the emperor.
sonofruss wrote:You know what would be cool is if we could do adepticon next year a all guard army called the disciples of turtle pie. With lots of pie plates russes bassies ect lots of infantry.
Having shirts made up with dakka on the front with permition from yak and lego and a huge turtle pie on the back with flingin pie for the emperor.
HELL YEAH! I'll get permission, and make shirts, hoodies, ties, socks, everythin!
Cheese Elemental wrote:Pray tell me, O priests of pie, what must I do to prove myself?
The actions of the truly loyal are widely varied indeed, though as Librarian of the Church of the Childrren of Turtle Pie I can offer some suggestions :
1) Pledge your undying loyalty to the Church, it's Saints and, most importantly, the Almighty Turtle and Blessed Pie.
2) Suggest some notworthy character who you feel should be considered for inclusion in the Sanctified Chapters.
3) Locate a thread somewhere on this site which is utterly pointless, and already drifting so far from the original point as to be a complete waste of time. Once found, post a link in this thread and request it be investigated by our Reclusium to see if it is suitable for action from the Church - NOTE : Do NOT act until permission is granted by senior members of the church, we don't want to annoy Lego and the Mods.
4) Once accepted as an acolyte of the Church, post a link to this thread as part of you sig ( Instructions are in this thread somewhere !)
If you look back through this thread, you'll find examples of all three of the above, in fact it was the third example which was instrumental in the creation of the Church and it's Holy Works.
Once you have performed one ( or even all ) of the above, you can then appeal to an existing member to sponsor your request to join our cause. Once sponsored, all you need is for a senior member, Saint, or Master of Sanctity Shrike78 to second the motion. Once sponsored, and seconded, an Acolyte you will be.
Hope this helps, and if any other member of the Church has suggestions, feel free to add them and I'm sure one of the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie will comment.
All hail the Strength of the Almighty Turtle, the Succulence of the Blessed Pie, and the fruits of their Holy Union, The Omnidessert.
When the next national census comes around, we should put down Turtle Pie as our religion. With the numbers this church has, it could surely become a certified religion!
When the next national census comes around, we should put down Turtle Pie as our religion. With the numbers this church has, it could surely become a certified religion!
Suddenly I wish I could find the link to that Christopher Walken SNL sketch. Oh well, that's what I get for not paying attention when my brothers tried to teach my about computers.
Cheese Elemental wrote:Pray tell me, O priests of pie, what must I do to prove myself?
The actions of the truly loyal are widely varied indeed, though as Librarian of the Church of the Childrren of Turtle Pie I can offer some suggestions :
1) Pledge your undying loyalty to the Church, it's Saints and, most importantly, the Almighty Turtle and Blessed Pie.
2) Suggest some notworthy character who you feel should be considered for inclusion in the Sanctified Chapters.
3) Locate a thread somewhere on this site which is utterly pointless, and already drifting so far from the original point as to be a complete waste of time. Once found, post a link in this thread and request it be investigated by our Reclusium to see if it is suitable for action from the Church - NOTE : Do NOT act until permission is granted by senior members of the church, we don't want to annoy Lego and the Mods.
4) Once accepted as an acolyte of the Church, post a link to this thread as part of you sig ( Instructions are in this thread somewhere !)
If you look back through this thread, you'll find examples of all three of the above, in fact it was the third example which was instrumental in the creation of the Church and it's Holy Works.
Once you have performed one ( or even all ) of the above, you can then appeal to an existing member to sponsor your request to join our cause. Once sponsored, all you need is for a senior member, Saint, or Master of Sanctity Shrike78 to second the motion. Once sponsored, and seconded, an Acolyte you will be.
Hope this helps, and if any other member of the Church has suggestions, feel free to add them and I'm sure one of the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie will comment.
All hail the Strength of the Almighty Turtle, the Succulence of the Blessed Pie, and the fruits of their Holy Union, The Omnidessert.
Joining during a time of great unrest, such as a inner faction war or a Great Crusade against a particularly pointless thread that won't die can usually be a good way in as well.
Find the heretic, punish the heretic. That is the duty of the Ordo Interrogatus of the Holy Reclusium, and we shall not waver in caring out our holy task.
I have possible most excellent news there is a possibility of me getting the guard codex early * rub's hands together *.
So we might get a jump on our army organization. For the Turtle and the Pie
Cheese Elemental wrote:Pray tell me, O priests of pie, what must I do to prove myself?
The actions of the truly loyal are widely varied indeed, though as Librarian of the Church of the Childrren of Turtle Pie I can offer some suggestions :
1) Pledge your undying loyalty to the Church, it's Saints and, most importantly, the Almighty Turtle and Blessed Pie.
2) Suggest some notworthy character who you feel should be considered for inclusion in the Sanctified Chapters.
3) Locate a thread somewhere on this site which is utterly pointless, and already drifting so far from the original point as to be a complete waste of time. Once found, post a link in this thread and request it be investigated by our Reclusium to see if it is suitable for action from the Church - NOTE : Do NOT act until permission is granted by senior members of the church, we don't want to annoy Lego and the Mods.
4) Once accepted as an acolyte of the Church, post a link to this thread as part of you sig ( Instructions are in this thread somewhere !)
If you look back through this thread, you'll find examples of all three of the above, in fact it was the third example which was instrumental in the creation of the Church and it's Holy Works.
Once you have performed one ( or even all ) of the above, you can then appeal to an existing member to sponsor your request to join our cause. Once sponsored, all you need is for a senior member, Saint, or Master of Sanctity Shrike78 to second the motion. Once sponsored, and seconded, an Acolyte you will be.
Hope this helps, and if any other member of the Church has suggestions, feel free to add them and I'm sure one of the senior members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie will comment.
All hail the Strength of the Almighty Turtle, the Succulence of the Blessed Pie, and the fruits of their Holy Union, The Omnidessert.
Joining during a time of great unrest, such as a inner faction war or a Great Crusade against a particularly pointless thread that won't die can usually be a good way in as well.
Find the heretic, punish the heretic. That is the duty of the Ordo Interrogatus of the Holy Reclusium, and we shall not waver in caring out our holy task.
Just to let you know, this thread is not pointless, it was created to allow dakka users to talk about things that piss them off in a stress free, friendly environment. Please do not
Turtle Pie it.
for the turtle and the pie 
The war has started my friends. 
<-- Me
Destroy the heretics 
Ready for war sir.
that is the closest we have.
Time for war. *sounds of troops marching and angry voices*
... 
.... 
yet one more converted dakkaite the gift of turtle pie spreads.