I say two slices, because I don't want to eat three and look like a fatty. I also don't want to have only one slice and someone start calling me a little girl because I can't stomach the turtle pie and don't want to get all fat from it.
And any who know of it's guardians also know of their enemies who plan to take the turtle pie and use it's power for their own vile agendas.
Robotnik is the best known so far, he and his PENGISH plot every day to defeat the guardians and take the turtle pie so he can finally destroy Sonic.
Now about he Chaos Gods and their desire for turtle pie;
Khorne can't have some, he is a bad boy and he doesn't say 'please.'
Nurgle can have some I guess, he's a good guy.
Tzeentch can't decide whether he wants some or not. We'll just leave him alone for now.
Slaanesh secretly took some and caressed himself with it and rolled around in it and did a whole bunch of other creepy stuff with it so he can't have some. He has defiled the turtle pie code of conduct and this must be why the Eldar are after him.
Slaanesh secretly took some and caressed himself with it and rolled around in it and did a whole bunch of other creepy stuff with it so he can't have some. He has defiled the turtle pie code of conduct and this must be why the Eldar are after him.
Turtles should go first. They should always have gone first!
I'm really sick of GW, and the way they always put the pie before the turtle. Fifth Edition was a perfect example of this; they just pied down all the rules, and there's no turtle left at all.
Now we got people making cheesy lists, and all they care about is pie. Well I'm sorry if us friendly gamers care about a little bit about the turtles in our 40k.
GW's really let down the gaming community.
Just the other day one of their employees called me "sir."
I, St. Mekboy, do declaire that Chuck Norris and Mr. T should play a bigger part in 40K, proteting the turtle pie from the foul xenos (especially those pansy Eldar). Those foul pie stealing Eldar need to be punished with righteous wrath. And yes, I am a Saint. It says so in the 2nd thread. Go me!
Science and stuff file 0189023891-Turtle Pie
Scientific name: Turtlus PIEICUS
Species: Pastry Reptile
Average lifespan: the time it takes to fart Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture
Reaches Sexual Maturity: Never
Natural Predators: Giant purple flying hippos (Hippopotamous PURPULUZ), who immobilise their prey by vomiting love hearts on them
Natural Prey: Common sense
Habitat: All of Ahiriman's Dakka Threads, Also often comes in boxes (with intent to invade) like this;
We are discussing a powerful rediscovered tool of the emprah. Standard template construct 3.14+turtle. Known as eternal turtle pie.
We are in the creative process of writing back story for 2 Homegrown SM chapters.
We have founded the 2 chapters and named the Primarchs.
Its not like we are playing with matches, running with scissors, or playing the tourettes game. donkey ......sorry about that, your turn
edited for additional line
So...Which space marine special character/HQ choices would be the best to count as Mr T or Chuck Norris and still provide the rules we want for the chapters?
I say Sicarius is Chuck, His coup de grace could easily be a roundhouse kick and he's all about lightning fast strikes and planning, just like a real Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris
Special Rules "Surprise Attack"
-No one ever surprises Chuck, he may re-roll for seizing the initiative
"Inspiring Presence"
-When Chuck Norris's troops see him fighting alongside them they are filled with a
sense of awe and victory, they may use Mr. Norris's leadership instead of their own
"Heroes of the Turtle Pie"
-Chuck Norris and his followers have been protecting the secret of the Turtle Pie for
all their lives, and it has forged them into true veterans. One tactical Squad may take
Counter Attack, Infiltrate, Scout, or Tank Hunters at no extra cost.
Wargear
"Roundhouse Kick"
-Instead of his normal flurry of blows, Chuck Norris may make one roundhouse kick at strength
6 that causes instant death regardless of the model's toughness.
"Turtle Shell Technique"
-Using along forgotten style of martial arts, Chuck Norris renders himself impervious to pain
and gains the Feel No Pain special rule.
I'm planning on getting a AOBR box set soon and trading for double space marines, my army may
or may not end up being an allied force of Emperor's Turtles and Emperor's Pies led by Chuck Norris
and Mr. T
We should have a turtle pie painting/modeling competition.
Create your turtle pie hero.
You must include iconography of both turtles and pie on your model. You must base your model on a real Warhammer figure, representing the equipment that the unit has.
I think lots of ordinance for them. Pie plates of doom?
Which primarch goes with which Chapter. Also the names were off the cuff and have not been ratified by the ecclesiarchy. So we will need a ruling from the original saints.
Which side would Mr. T and Chuck Norris take during the Heresy? Well I say they would take the side of Horus, why?
Because Nurgle is also cool and he gets some turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper).
When Nurgle gets some turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper) for himself, he kicks out Mortarion and institutes Mr. T and Chuck as his leading primarchs, soon after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks all of the Chaos Gods (except Nurgle 'cause he gets turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper)) while Mr. T yells "I pity da foo!" at them, resulting in their death.
Then they figure out that the Emperor (who is the eternal enemy of turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper)) planted them there to kill the Chaos Gods so that he could weaken Nurgle and take all of the turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper) for himself and let it spoil in the fridge overnight by forgetting to put plastic wrap over it. Then Chuck and Mr. T decide that they are good enough to be gods and become the dual gods of turtle pie (All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper) and they repel the Emperor and take a bite of turtle pie(All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper) and they live happily ever after. The end.
P.S. Turtle Pie (All praise Turtle Pie and it's mighty saints: St. God of Yams, Chaplain Shrike78, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, may they live long and prosper)
focusedfire wrote:What are the rules we want for the chapters?
I think lots of ordinance for them. Pie plates of doom?
Which primarch goes with which Chapter. Also the names were off the cuff and have not been ratified by the ecclesiarchy. So we will need a ruling from the original saints.
Without really planning ahead I gave Chuck Norris a turtle based ability, so I think he gets the Emperor's Turtle's chapter, and Mr. T gets the Emperor's Pies chapter
While I cannot claim to know all there is to know about turtle pie, I would guess that Mr. T and Chuck Norris would be loyalist, because they would see that Horus was just being an idiot. And if they were loyalist, I'd put their rank above the Legio Custodes. They directly serve the Emperor!
(edit: Shrike, just thought you might want to know that you misspelled church in your signature)
Father Shrike78, I ask of you to appeal to the saints of turtle pie(may all glory in the eternal pie).
Please, bestow upon us the revered names of the Holy Orders of Turtle Pie(Praise the never ending pie). What are the Sacred names of the Orders that defend all that is righteous and Pie(Turtle be thy name).
We wish to proclaim to the universe the names of the Holy defenders so that all that is not Pie(Suffer not the Granola bar to live) may brittly crumble away.
PIE HATERS BEWARE THE _____________________ AND THE______________________________ WILL FIND AND PURGE YOU FOR YOUR HERESY!!!!!!!!!!
focusedfire wrote:Father Shrike78, I ask of you to appeal to the saints of turtle pie(may all glory in the eternal pie).
Please, bestow upon us the revered names of the Holy Orders of Turtle Pie(Praise the never ending pie). What are the Sacred names of the Orders that defend all that is righteous and Pie(Turtle be thy name).
We wish to proclaim to the universe the names of the Holy defenders so that all that is not Pie(Suffer not the Granola bar to live) may brittly crumble away.
PIE HATERS BEWARE THE _____________________ AND THE______________________________ WILL FIND AND PURGE YOU FOR YOUR HERESY!!!!!!!!!!
During tonight's communions I will seek the council of Turtle Pie and its Saints to provide the answers you crave.
May I call you brothers? Though, I have no official standing within the group. I ask for assistance.
Currently, I am tempted by an Idol of the one known as Santa. Laying before me in milk chocolate perfection. Is Santa a slice of the greater whole that is Pie?(Turtle be thy Name) Or is he a false idol that needs to be destroyed?
focusedfire wrote:May I call you brothers? Though, I have no official standing within the group. I ask for assistance.
Currently, I am tempted by an Idol of the one known as Santa. Laying before me in milk chocolate perfection. Is Santa a slice of the greater whole that is Pie?(Turtle be thy Name) Or is he a false idol that needs to be destroyed?
Ah, but the answer you seek is right before you. What better way to destroy an idol such as Santa than to eat it. It ensures your satisfaction and that there will be nothing left of this confectionery traitor
Thank you St. God of Yams. The traitor lies headless before me. With your wisdom and the blessing of the Eternal Turtle Pie, The traitors death was satisfyingly sweet.
For your willing destruction of a traitorous idol, and continuous theorizing on the intricacies of Turtle Pie. I hereby bestow upon you the rank of scholar in the Church of the Children of he Turtle Pie。
(edit:
As to where this rank places you in the hierarchy of Turtle Piousness, you should consult Chaplain Shrike, who commands the physical church government.)
Hey who the hell are you? Get off my computer!!!! *splat* sorry about that, some creep was typing stuff in caps lock about not being silenced, I've really gotta lock the door to my PC room, so what's all this about Turtle Pie then? Hey what's this on my desk? "Tortoise Pie fortress password: Tacos" Geez, what the hell has been going on here? I hope you didn't think that was me! I've been in Scotland for a few weeks, as I mentioned in my O&G blog thread. I am a fan of turtles more than tortoises (their name is more fun though I confess, I like Terrapins the most) Although I believe peace is required between Tortoise and Turtle, the Terrapins shall oversee the treaty, but it's unlikely, with all the hate in this modern world, seriously why didn't you just try TALKING to the tortoises, solving your differences over a nice cup of coffee? You people make me sick, especially you, FocusedFire, Beheading is NOT the answer
Ok, I have read the threads and understand turtle pie, interesting, I also have heard a rumour that one of the two turtle pie primarchs turned to chaos, and founded the tortoise pies. Is this true? Religious reptile people?
Fellow devotees, I have long known of the writings of an English literary genious whose most frequent and popular tales feature examples of both turtle and pie.
In one of the earliest of these, the might of the turtle is proven when it devours a comet to protect a world of undeniable pieishness. The visionary behind these tales is a respected member of the world's literary community who has, over time, earned my fandom and indeed my respect in light of his recently discovered challenges. His earliest prophesy , if I may call it that, in which he presented both the Star Turtle (species: Chelys galactica) and the round, flat, world it suports was as long ago as 1981.
I present to you all an image of said Mighty Turtle and World of Pieishness :
Great A'Tuin (Chelys galactica) & The Discworld ( from the Discworld Books by Terry Pratchett)
I ask that the creator of these tales be canonised that he may elevate to the brotherhood of our most Holy Saints ; St. God of Yams, St. Mekboy, and St. 'Eadhunta, and our devout leader,Chaplain Shrike78.
Join with me, brothers, as I ask that Sainthood in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie be granted to Terry of Pratchett
As a Scholar in the Church of the children of Turtle Pie, and being familiar with the works of this great prophet. I both second and Pie the motion. All praise the Sacred Turtle Pie.
I also motion that, Reaper 6, be named amongst the Scholars of Pie or named A Seer of Pie. For Reaper 6 on has shown us Pievahna. The eternal reward for the Pie-ous.
I second the motion that Reaper 6 be initiated as a scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, as his study of it's tenents has led to a greater understanding of its sanctity for us all.
It has been a while since we have discussed what the names and organization of our Marine Chapters should be.
I humbly place this idea before our saints, scholars, and chaplain.
Two chapters, the Emperor's Turtles and Emperor's Pies (not too attached to the names)
They are unique in that one never goes to war without the other, so that Turtle may always be combined with Pie.
The Emperor's Turtles, led by Chuck Norris are made for mobility and assault (not necessarily CC oriented), their strategy involves quickly accessing the situation and striking before the enemy knows they're there, much like a turtle catching a goldfish. Their backup comes in the form of elite "hardshell" terminators.
They are complimented by the Emperor's Pies, who favor explosives and vehicles, much like their Primarch, MR. T. The infantry in the army will always take more exposives if available. The Emperor's pies are known for very carefully planning their actions beforehand, preparing for every variable. because they "Just love it when a plan comes together."
God Of Yams wrote:The Emperor's pies are known for very carefully planning their actions beforehand, preparing for every variable. because they "Just love it when a plan comes together."
I would suggest then that the senior Chaplain be the Master of Sanctity Chaplain Hannibal, accompanied by Chief Librarian Peck, AKA Face, and they have a company similar to the DA's Raven Wing under the command of Captain "Howling Mad" Murdock, known throughout the Legions Astartes for his brilliant Air Assault Strategies and unstoppable "Crazy Foo" approach to combat.
I would suggest then that the senior Chaplain be the Master of Sanctity Chaplain Hannibal, accompanied by Chief Librarian Peck, AKA Face, and they have a company similar to the DA's Raven Wing under the command of Captain "Howling Mad" Murdock, known throughout the Legions Astartes for his brilliant Air Assault Strategies and unstoppable "Crazy Foo" approach to combat.
But of course, such would be only right and proper. How else could he demonstrate his grasp of unorthodox aerial combat.
I assume you have read my earlier post regarding raising Terry Pratchett to Sainthood within the order in light of his prophesies and ongoing contributions to Might of The Turtle and Sanctity of Pie.
Would you consider Pratchett as worthy of joining you and your most holy comrades ?
I am a saint myself, and as such have little to do with the process of electing new saints, it would be unfair to allow current saints to do such things.
But I do know a good Idea for a home world when I see one. Just replace the disk with a giant pie.
So, the most holy worldship of both the Praetors of Pie and the Templars Testudines (edited due to the wise council of scholar focused fire), is in fact a Turtle Pie of epic proportions.
And now the Guardians are joined by yet another member, newly discovered due to the efforts of Scholar Reaper6.
Terry Prachett, who leads the Naval elements of the Turtles Templar.
And the home world shall be named Tortuga(Turtle). Set in the farthest reaches as a bulwark against the Pirates and privateers. The Pie-ous light of Tortuga a beacon of righteousness and down-home comfort to those traveling through the void.
How say you Brothers? Shall the Home world be named Tortuga?
Brothers, upon further study under the principles of Pie(Turtle be thy name), Knowledge of the way of the Turtle has been revealed to me slice by slice.
Let it be known that creatures known as terrapins and tortoises(Sea Turtles) are commonly refered to as Turtles. And both are members of the scientific order of Testudines(Possibly a good name for a chapter?).
Rejoice, Brothers, for there is no schism within our Church. The Whole that is Pie has shown our ranks united.
focusedfire wrote:
Brothers, upon further study under the principles of Pie(Turtle be thy name), Knowledge of the way of the Turtle has been revealed to me slice by slice.
Let it be known that creatures known as terrapins and tortoises(Sea Turtles) are commonly refered to as Turtles. And both are members of the scientific order of Testudines(Possibly a good name for a chapter?).
Brothers in faith, it is time that the organization of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie be revealed
Above all else, of course, is Turtle Pie, who ever guides our lives with both benevolence and Grace
Next come it's guardians, many of whom have yet to be found.
The Mortal embodiments of Turtle Pie are the saints, who have become the true incarnations of its grandeur
Ever watchful for incursions against the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, are the High Chaplains, who guide it's mortal, and martial guardians with power and devotion.
Then Come the high priests, who epitomize the virtues of Turtle Pie, and preach its teachings unto the masses
Recording the miracles of the Omni-dessert, the master librarians are the philosophers of the Church, and examine, and create it's ways and creed
The lieutenants of the Ordo Zealous, the chaplains devote themselves to the defense of the way of Turtle Pie
Preaching to the commoner, the priest advances the cause of Turtle Pie through the works of the word, while the Scholar advance its cause through the works of the mind, studying and transcribing this holy cause.
The Core of the Ordo Zealous, the Zealot defends the commoner who turns to the light of turtle pie.
Equally valuable to the advancement of Turtle Pie, Clergicists learn and practice the rudiments of Turtle Pie oration, while codicers are exposed to the vst glory that is the history of Turtle Pie.
Before any but a rare few can enter these ranks there are the steps of the Acolyte, Neophyte, and Initiate that must be trodden. It is only when one becomes an Acolyte of the way of Turtle Pie, that they may chose the Path of the Ordo: Zealous, Verbatim, And Librarium.
However, the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie is much like a Pie, ever cooling and re-heating, like leftover desserts put in the microwave, so, as time demands, the hierarchy may change.
Good point St. Yams... perhaps I have erred in my zeal to better understand the Guardians, as they most certainly are beyond the reaches of mere special marine characters.
And on a side note: I like how this thread started way off topic, even for the fluff section, then went more off topic, and now, has actually started to get on-topic....
warpcrafter wrote:I declare myself the Arch-Heretic and it will be my mission to corrupt the turtle pie. Praise Nurgle!!!
Turtle Pie, as the Omni-Dessert, is beyond your weak gods. Indeed, Nurgle pays homage to Turtle Pie, as exemplified by the poll at the head of this thread.
It is because of this, and only because of this, that he is allowed to live... the other chaos gods have been warned.
It is my duty as Chaplain to ensure the protection of Turtle Pie, and the weak cults of Nurgle will find no shelter from my wrath should they outstep their bounds. We will come with the flipper, and the beak, and the iron shell of the turtle, and defeat you with the deliciousness of pie.
Your presence will be tolerated... for now... but our leniency relies solely upon your actions, cultist of Nurgle. Should your travails mar the path of the true believers, justice will be swift, and your insolence silenced.
The members of the Ordo Zealous make no threats, only promises.
Please forgive my earlier absence, brothers. I have been spreading the gospel of the Eternal Turtle Pie in the world beyond the interwebby thing.
I did journey to the city of Salisbury where I happened upon a group of fellow weilders of the Holy Brush and Sanctified Dice, toiling at their crafts in the protection of their local GW hall of tactical recreation and retail. Whilst in their company, amid their admiration of my most loyal Ultramarine garb, I did inform them of this site ( dakka continues to spread to the masses, MODS ) and of this thread in particular. Many of those present have agreed to read this thread and seemed willing, and in one case almost fanatically eager, to join our Holy Crusade and spread the Gospel of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Chaplain Shrike, Re your comment about this thread starting off-topic but working it's way around : Does that not exemplify the very nature of Pieishness ? Our faith, it seems, has been rewarded by this example that even so called random chance follows the very nature of The Pie in it's circularity.
Reaper6 wrote:
I did journey to the city of Salisbury where I happened upon a group of fellow weilders of the Holy Brush and Sanctified Dice, toiling at their crafts in the protection of their local GW hall of tactical recreation and retail. Whilst in their company, amid their admiration of my most loyal Ultramarine garb, I did inform them of this site ( dakka continues to spread to the masses, MODS ) and of this thread in particular. Many of those present have agreed to read this thread and seemed willing, and in one case almost fanatically eager, to join our Holy Crusade and spread the Gospel of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Your tidings are good brother, and indeed, I have also spread the word of turtle pie among my classmates, and have converted and acolyte and a Neophyte to our cause. . Though one, at first, was held in thrall by the idolatry of chocolate Santa, he has cast off his heretical ways, and joined us.
Indeed Nurgle is as one with the turtle pie, as it is he who has given favor to the guardians. The true enemies of Turtle Pie are the false gods of Depravity, Murder, and Sorcery, Slaanesh, Khorne and Tzeentch (may their names be cursed tenfold by Turtle Pie). Any cults loyal to Nurgle and therefore to Turtle Pie shall be kept in check by the Order of the Zealots and any who cling to the dead Chaos gods Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Khorne (may their names be cursed tenfold by Turtle Pie) shall be expunged with the full wisdom and might of Turtle Pie. The Emperor betrayed the guardians Mr. T and Chuck Norris to everlasting pielessness so it is he who should be rightly feared and raged at. Let any who opposed this speak up.
Would my position include Chief in its title for I wish to know by what name I can preach to the ignorant masses.
Shadow Nugz wrote:Indeed Nurgle is as one with the turtle pie, as it is he who has given favor to the guardians. The true enemies of Turtle Pie are the false gods of Depravity, Murder, and Sorcery, Slaanesh, Khorne and Tzeentch (may their names be cursed tenfold by Turtle Pie). Any cults loyal to Nurgle and therefore to Turtle Pie shall be kept in check by the Order of the Zealots and any who cling to the dead Chaos gods Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Khorne (may their names be cursed tenfold by Turtle Pie) shall be expunged with the full wisdom and might of Turtle Pie. The Emperor betrayed the guardians Mr. T and Chuck Norris to everlasting pielessness so it is he who should be rightly feared and raged at. Let any who opposed this speak up.
Would my position include Chief in its title for I wish to know by what name I can preach to the ignorant masses.
There was a post a ways back with ranks, unless anyone said something different, I assume you have the first rank.
As we are one with the Turtle Pie, It is our decision whether to be loyalist or traitor.
I personally would vote loyalist, as the heroes we have listed so far are most decidedly good, and while the Imperium isn't perfect, I doubt they'd submit to the forces of Evil.
I wish the Turtle pie to stay the secret weapon of the Emperor.
I personally believe in the awesome powers of Captain Falcon. Here is his visage, for all to see:
Show me ya moves!
All friendly units within 12" gain an extra attack.
This does not apply to Captain Falcon, and does not stack with the Flag of the Falcon.
C'mon!
All friendly units with Combat tactics replace it with Stubborn.
Disciples of the Punch
Punching Veterans count as scoring units.
Falcon Punch
Captain Falcon can shoot massive amounts of flaming energy from his fist. This shooting attack uses this profile: R24" Str4 AP4 Assault 4.
Accept me into the holy institute of the Turtle Pie!
I vote that Turtle Pie(Our revered Omni-dessert) transcends our notions of good or evil. It is the whole of all creation. In order to believe in the omni-dessert, we must believe in its ability to make all things one.
We must accept the hellish calories with the heavenly flavor, we must accept the high fat content with the joy it brings.
There is no separation only layers and ingredients. Thus proving, no matter how one slices it, it is still Turle Pie(praise be thy name)
focusedfire wrote:I vote that Turtle Pie(Our revered Omni-dessert) transcends our notions of good or evil. It is the whole of all creation. In order to believe in the omni-dessert, we must believe in its ability to make all things one.
We must accept the hellish calories with the heavenly flavor, we must accept the high fat content with the joy it brings.
There is no separation only layers and ingredients. Thus proving, no matter how one slices it, it is still Turle Pie(praise be thy name)
I believe scholar focused fire is correct, though it may be hard to reconcile the Templars Testudines, and the Praetors of Pie, with Nurgleites, So long as they admit to the supreme holiness of Turtle Pie, there will be no contradiction in our tenets.
However, the doctrines of Turtle Pie are observed mostly by those occupying the Imperium, as well as the dominions of the kroot, who bear much likeness to the Great Turtle, as the followers of Tzeentch, Slannesh, Khorne, and even many followers of Nurgle, fail to understand the divine sublimety of Turtle Pie.
As Current leader of the Ordo Zealous I say this, those who follow will be protected, those who stand to the side will be tolerated, and those who try in vain to bar our path will be expunged, as they had never existed.
Brothers, I would like to propose another for recruitment into our sanctified Space Marine Chapters.
I suggest a man with a verified and RECORDED military record, a man whose unorthodox stragetgies have saved the day on countless occaisions and who, it must be noted, definately has a way with women. He has proven his bravery in combat many times over, commanding his starship to battle in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds yet still winning the day. He has accounted for himself admirably in single combat against members of races with physical prowess far beyond his own on at least two distinct occaisions, one of which was against his closest friend who, despite the ritual ddemanding the death of the loser, he dared to spare.
This noble warrior has loved and lost many times, has listened powerless as his son sacrificed himself to save his friends, and has been declared an outcast by the very fleet he served, only to vindicate himself by saving humanity. He has been sentenced for assassinations he didn't commit, cheerfully facing his accusers with a wry smile, only to be proved innocent by the later actions of the guilty.
On TWO occaisions, due to the quirks of time travel and interspatial phenomena, he has made the ultimate sacrifice, once laying down his life to save a starship, and then again to save the galaxy as he knew it.
Through all of these events, his only failing has not even been directly his fault, but rather the cruel hand of fate that decreed any un-named red shirt in the vicinity was going to catch a bullet, laser, alien-death-ray or whatever casual form of painful death happened to be around at the time.
Indeed, the starships he has personally commanded all featured the iconic Pie-Plate design on their primary hulls with only one exception, which he was more than happy to dump into the waters near the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
Brothers, to fill the post of Captain of the 4th Company and Master of the Fleet of The Templars Testudine, I offer unto you...
Captain James Tiberius Kirk
(and you just KNOW, He'd never turn down cute nursing students and a plate of Pie )
Edited for spelling, additional comment & correct image
Shadow Nugz wrote:I appeal to the St. God of Yams for guidance for as I believe I am as of now a lowly Initiate.
Praise Turtle Pie and it's guardian Chaos Gods Mr. T and Chuck Norris
Though I be not as connected with the machinations of the wills of Turtle Pie as the Saints, perhaps I may be of service. What do you require Brother Nugz?
Reaper6 wrote:Brothers, I would like to propose another for recruitment into our sanctified Space Marine Chapters.
I suggest a man with a verified and RECORDED military record, a man whose unorthodox stragetgies have saved the day on countless occaisions and who, it must be noted, definately has a way with women. He has proven his bravery in combat many times over, commanding his starship to battle in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds yet still winning the day. He has accounted for himself admirably in single combat against members of races with physical prowess far beyond his own on at least two distinct occaisions, one of which was against his closest friend who, despite the ritual ddemanding the death of the loser, he dared to spare.
This noble warrior has loved and lost many times, has listened powerless as his son sacrificed himself to save his friends, and has been declared an outcast by the very fleet he served, only to vindicate himself by saving humanity. He has been sentenced for assassinations he didn't commit, cheerfully facing his accusers with a wry smile, only to be proved innocent by the later actions of the guilty.
On TWO occaisions, due to the quirks of time travel and interspatial phenomena, he has made the ultimate sacrifice, once laying down his life to save a starship, and then again to save the galaxy as he knew it.
Through all of these events, his only failing has not even been directly his fault, but rather the cruel hand of fate that decreed any un-named red shirt in the vicinity was going to catch a bullet, laser, alien-death-ray or whatever casual form of painful death happened to be around at the time.
Indeed, the starships he has personally commanded all featured the iconic Pie-Plate design on their primary hulls with only one exception, which he was more than happy to dump into the waters near the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
Brothers, to fill the post of Captain of the 4th Company and Master of the Fleet of The Templars Testudine, I offer unto you...
Captain James Tiberius Kirk
(and you just KNOW, He'd never turn down cute nursing students and a plate of Pie )
Edited for spelling, additional comment & correct image
You deserve much praise Brother-Scholar, on two occasions you have discovered the eternal guardians of the most holy Turtle Pie.
Captain Kirk does indeed adhere to the tenets of turtle pie, as evidenced by what you have shown.
even though this thread isnt about real wargaming has anyone ever made a turtle space marine before cause i did i made the teenage mutant ninja turtles as a comand squad but then sold them on ebay.
but with all these turtle post i think ill have to make them again should i? ill post pics when i can.
Always proud to be of service to the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, Brother Chaplain Shrike. It is an honour to bring forth such members to service in the Sancitified Chapters of our Most Holy Order.
May I also add, Brother, that I truly believe that Shadow Nugz should be elevated from Initiate to Acolyte in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie. Though his contributions may seem small for now, he HAS shown devotion to the cause and willingness to improve himself. Such discoveries as those I have made recently only come with experience at recognising the skills of those I have put forward for positions in the Sanctified Chapters, and I believe Shadow Nugz shows the potential to contribute much more as his experience grows.
Considering those facts, I humbly sponsor Shadow Nugz for elevation to the rank of Acolyte in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Reaper6 wrote:
Considering those facts, I humbly sponsor Shadow Nugz for elevation to the rank of Acolyte in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Blessed be the Holy Pie most truly of Turtle.
Seconded on both accounts
The road from initiate to acolyte is indeed a large one. One must carefully judge his footing before putting one flipper before the other, before they can hpe to obtain a larger slice of the pie. Shadow Nugz, I believe, has taken these steps and deserves to be elevated to the ranks of acolyte.
Chaplain Shrike78, blessed of Turtle Pie, I also require the knowledge of my position in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie(blessed be its baked flippers) , and whether Captain Falcon shall be realised to be a Protector of the Turtle Pie (hail its oven-fresh shell).
ungulateman wrote:Chaplain Shrike78, blessed of Turtle Pie, I also require the knowledge of my position in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie(blessed be its baked flippers) , and whether Captain Falcon shall be realised to be a Protector of the Turtle Pie (hail its oven-fresh shell).
As Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I move to make you a neophyte of the most holy church of the children of Turtle pie (blessed be it's deliciousness).
may your path be paved with the deliciousness of turtle pie, but beware, a road paved in sugary goodness is a slippery one.
Brothers, Further study has brought forth an area of which our Church is lacking but easily corrected.
Where, Eternal Turtle Pie(Praise be thy sweetness) is vast and all encompassing. Even, including the prodigious powers granted to the faithful by the Omni-dessert. The two chapters will be quickly bogged down by commonplace garrisoning and logistical needs. Thus not allowing the Preatorian Pie and Templar Testudines the full freedom to fulfill their appointed missions.
In regards to this, it has come to my attention that many of the common citizenery would also crave a slice of the greater Whole that is Eternal Turtle Pie.
But such reward is not given, it is earned.
I propose the creation of citizen manned Guard units starting with the Tortugan 3&14th regiments which will always deploy together. These units will take on the more mundane chores of garrisoning and logistical support.
I, further propose one of whom we all know as tough, successful, and of having Mastered the precepts of Pie to lead the citizen guard. I propose, the both respected & feared, Major General Martha Stewart to command these these regiments.
Major General Stewart also brings with her a vetran staff including the vetran Tank commader lovingly known only as "Grandma". No one in the galaxy can match Grandma's ability to serve massive Pie Plates of Righteousness(Nickname for Ordinance Blasts) to those in need of redemption.
I leave these proposals before you my Brothers. May the Eternal Oneness, that is Turtle Pie, guide you to take what ingredients the Church requires.
Brothers, focusedfire does indeed raise a vital point. The Marines of the Legions Astartes are too few to be bound by duties such as holding planets and protecting lines of supply. Given the additional duties of the Templars Testudine and Praetors of Pie such inhibitions are even more important to address.
I believe focusedfire has provided us with a suitable answer to that problem and his command choice certainly has merit.
As a Scholar in the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I support, and duly second, focusedfire's motion to raise these regiments in support of our Sanctified Chapters.
As reward for his efforts, I would also like to propose a position within our order be offered unto focusedfire.
My own continuing efforts to expand the TO&E of our Sanctified Chapters has borne more fruit. Research has drawn forth another potential member of our Military Arm.
A fellow alumni of the Starfleet Academy that gave us James Kirk has come to mind. Examining his career has shown him to be of equal calibre to Kirk in most respects, though his flair with the ladies is not quite as spectacular. His bravery in combat, despite his reserved and understated general presentation, is a matter of record many times over. Indeed, whilst still a lowly Cadet he entered into combat with a Xenos in, of all places, a restaurant ( It is not known if an example of The Holy Omnidessert was present, but plateishness was surely in abundance). During this combat, the candidate was sorely wounded, and only a heart replacement allowed him to continue his service
His valour duly reconised, this young officer was fast-tracked through promotions and was soon commanding his own starship which, whilst of different configuration to Kirk's, still retained the iconic Plate Profile Primary Hull. During his command of this vessel, which was sadly lost in combat at a later date, he devised a strategy known aboard ship as the Crouching Plate, Leaping Turtle though Starfleet Command later renamed the Maneuver in his honour.
His continued service lead to his commanding the Flagship of the Fleet, with an even larger Plate Profile Primary Hull ( truly recognised as earning a larger portion of The Pie ) which, though again lost on duty ( women drivers, huh !), served admirably under his command.
His most recent posting was to this ship's replacement, it's profile and configuration a sleeker and more deadly Plate indeed. His loyalty to the Santcified Plate remained true throughout attempted theft by cybernetic Xenos, and even prevailed when his Xenos made clone attempted the destruction of his Plate fronted vessel.
Finally, it must be said that his very features resemble our Most Holy Turtle, right down to the general Shiny Shelled appearance of his head.
Brothers, to compliment the placement of Kirk as Master of the Fleet of the Templars Testudine, I offer, for your consideration in the post of Captain of the Fourth Company,Master of the Fleet of the Praetors of Pie...
...Captain Jean Luc Picard.
In closing, I have a request for Our Holy Saints.
Most Wise And Holy Saints of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, we mere mortals in the service of The Holy Turtle and Blessed Pie are making steady progress in our cause and have been rewarded most bountifully for our works, yet there is one among us who, I feel, has been overlooked. The very leader of our cause, the one responsible for the induction of many of us, has toiled away diligently without due recongnition.
Most Holy and Venerable Saints, is it not time that Brother Chaplain Shrike78 was duly recognised as Master of Sanctity of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie. I am sure I speak for all when I say that without his leadership, many of us would not enjoy the warm, baked, flipper propelled light of the Holy Pie. Saints of our Order, I beseech you, promote our noble Chaplain that he may receive those rewards he has duly earned.
Blessed be the Pie of Holy Turtle and all who sample it's Baked Flipper Sweetness.
Reaper6 wrote:
Most Holy and Venerable Saints, is it not time that Brother Chaplain Shrike78 was duly recognised as Master of Sanctity of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie. I am sure I speak for all when I say that without his leadership, many of us would not enjoy the warm, baked, flipper propelled light of the Holy Pie. Saints of our Order, I beseech you, promote our noble Chaplain that he may receive those rewards he has duly earned.
Blessed be the Pie of Holy Turtle and all who sample it's Baked Flipper Sweetness.
After seeing all of these threads it seems as though Shrike78 has always had the position of leader of the High Chaplains. I think this is as good a time as any to make it official.
Do any of the other saints still post here? If so, cast your votes. If not, I guess there's no opposition.
Lest any of the saints disagree with your pronouncement, oh St. Yams, I will serve as a High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, blessed be its name.
And also, brothers, I am working on Codex: Templars Testudine, as we type, and will, pie willing, be ready to deliver its beaky goodness soon.
As a sample, here is the profile for the renowned Hardshell terminators that are employed by the Templars Testudine.
Hardshell Terminator Armor:
Originally suits of terminator armor, these archaic suits were further reinforced by the holy rights of the Templar's techmarines, who, with dignity and grace, Duck taped turtle scales onto the tactical dreanought armor. This gives terminators a 1+ save. This does NOT mean that they automatically pass armor saves, however, should they roll a 1, they may re-roll. This re-roll is only passed on a roll of a 6.
These suits of armor increase the units toughness by 1. Note: this does not mean that they ignore instant death from str 8, or 9 weapons, unless they were already.
Turtle's beak:
These icons of a turtle's beak clearly show the esteem of the warriors who weild them, and double the user's strength, the shear power of these weapons tears through armor with ease, and no armor saves may be taken against it.
Shell shield:
This gives the user a 3+ invern save.
Special abilities.
"Turtle Mode":
The Hardshell terminator suits have been modified to allow the wearer to fully immerse himself inside the reinforced shell. At the start of any turn, before any actions are taken, the controlling player may elect to have his terminators go into turtle mode. Models in turtle mode may not move, shoot, assault, or make any attacks, but their armor save becomes invulnerable.
Brothers! I have returned from my absence to bring you dire news! A new villain has sided with Robotnik, and he threatens to touch Turtle Pie's ta-la-la with his ding-ding-dong!
The all-powerful Gunther!
We cannot abide to this threat! The four great Guardians will have their hands full when dealing with Gunther, all the while giving Robotnik the chance to steal the Turtle Pie!
I hereby issue a Call for Heroes. Those powerful enough, those willing enough, those powerful enough, and did I mention powerful enough will have the chance to prove themselves as true champions of Turtle Pie. Registration forms are to your right
I got into the turtle pie late but i will join in the protecting of the pie. All praise turtle pie. What will be the colors of the pie warriors of turtle and pie?
Mekboy wrote:Umm... I may be a little late, but I agreee. Shrike shall be High Chaplain! All praise the heated shell of Turtle Pie!
It would be unethical for Chaplain Shrike to declare the result on his own behalf, so if it please our Most Holy Saints I shall perform this righteous duty in his stead.
Two of our Most Venerated and Holy Ones have spoken in favour of my motion, the third I assume to be bringing the Lesson of Pain and Denial to unbelievers and so unable to respond though I believe he too would agree with his fellow Saints.
By the agreement of the Saints of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie ( Blessed be it's baked, meaty sweetness), and the accolades of our growing brotherhood, I, Reaper6, Scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie do pronounce Shrike78 to be duly recognised and annointed Master of Sanctity, Most Senior Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
Ammend thy sig, Brother, that all may know of your status as Master of Sanctity as pronounced by our Most Holy Saints.
Blessed be the Pie, may we evermore bask in it's Holy Nutrition of Body and Soul.
Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:Tzeentch can't decide whether he wants some or not. We'll just leave him alone for now.
In light of your new evidence, Master Chaplain Shrike78, I think it's time for a change of approach. Let us give this sorcerous parrot a righteous kicking that he may learn from his error and cease tempting the innocent from the sacred light and wholesome goodness of our Dessert of Crunchy Shelled Delight.
Gary Coleman has joined us in the protection of the Turtle Pie! May the Pie give him strength in our struggle for avoiding the evil powers of PENGISH and ding-ding-dong.
Also, Cranky Kong has agreed to lend us his intellect in our struggle. May his ancient wisdom guide us to forever banishing the menace who seeks to take the Turtle Pie!
I, as Acolyte to the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie(long title huh?) have already sent envoys to the so called Phillipines, also named P.I. by our Master of Sanctity Shrike78, to entice them into our church, none have returned yet but have hope brothers, they shall return victorious!
Yoda: the Third
A long time ago in a sector far away, there was an Empire ruled by a destitute and heretical Emperor who had betrayed the trust lain to him by his people and had taken total control. A group of vigilantes who possessed a slice of the most righteous pie of turtle, also known as Jedi were almost completely wiped out by this Emperor except for Yoda, who escaped. Although he is an Xenos of a kind relating to the Demiurg, Eldar, and Squats, he has sworn himself body and soul to the protection of turtle pie. Although rumors of his death rebounded soon before another so called 'Jedi' defeated the evil Emperor, he soon hitched a ride to our section of the universe and surveying the situation, he saw that Turtle Pie was every where and soon followed in the path of the First and Second by casting down all non-believers and heretics. He soon joined Chuck and Mr. T in their ascension to Godhood at the local Hardees. Thus is the story of Yoda the Third Protector.
However brothers, there are others who I am not sure are true Protectors but are merely FRAUDS. Yes brothers it is fortold that "Five shall replace the Five." but we must be wary to not allow false idols into our most holy of worship.
Also brothers. As it has been said, the Emperor betrayed the First and the Second Protectors in his quest to horde all of the Turtle Pie. Yet there are those who have used such sayings as "The Emperor Protects." As of now, we are at an uneasy peace with both the forces of the Imperium and Chaos.
We also have many enemies, there are the Eldar who are so old that they bore us with stories as we enjoy the succulence of Turtle Pie. There are the Dark Eldar who torture common men and women to find the secrets to Turtle Pie. The Necron menace does not care more or less of Turtle Pie, yet their Deciever and other such gods are undoubtedly plotting to steal it all. The Tau are horrible in that they believe that all should have an equal slice, yet when it comes to snack time, their leaders would have eaten all of it. The Orks are the only Xenos who respect Turtle Pie and have on several occasions refused to attack true believers in Turtle Pie. Their green color also corresponds with the Third Protector who shares their color tone. Thus is the appendium of allies and enemies. A summary follows.
Allies:
Orks- Friendly/ Warlike nature causes tension
Chaos- Nurgle is friendly/ Tzeentch is eager to please/ Khorne and Slaanesh are enemies of the First and Second Protectors
Imperium:
Witch Hunters- Highly intolerant to non-Emperor fearing forces
Imperial Guard- Only high echelons require convincing
Space Marines- Comforted by presence of Templars Testudine and Praetors of Pie though often confused by heraldry
Daemon Hunters- May confuse holy turtle icons as Chaos icons which they oppose wholly
Enemies:
Eldar- Not concerned with Turtle Pie but rather in manipulating everything they see/ Hazardous story tellings
Dark Eldar- Are attempting to find deepest secrets of Turtle Pie/ Must be eliminated
Necrons- Dark masters may have plans concerning Turtle Pie
Tau- Leaders are selfish and eat all capture Turtle Pie/ Turtle Pie must be shared!
Hey did you guys here about the new 5th edition rulebook for 40k!? Their supposed to put out a new army too to go along with the release. It's supposed to be Chaos Demons and stuff and you can use em with your CSM army too.
Nay young Acolyte, You need to return to your studies and contemplate more upon the Wholeness that is the Eternal Turtle Pie.
The Tau preach wholeness and even distribution of Pie for all. Thus keeping the dish from tipping to one side to much. There is nothing more Turtle-like(Praise the eternal Dessert). They provide balance.
The Eldar focus on perfecting every aspect or ingredient of the Eternal Turtle Pie(Praise the Omni-dessert). Their Patience and focus will only sweeten the whole.
The Necrons show that such is the powerful draw that is The Omni-desert one may return even from death in order to recieve more. They teach us perseverence.
The Dark Eldar revel in the pleasures of Pie. That we should savor every last bit of its sweetness but that it is wrong to be gluttonous. They show us the consequence of over-indulgence.
As a Scholar in the Church of the Children of the Eternal Turtle Pie I call upon our Saints and Leaders to Proclaim the writings of Shadow Nugz as Heritical and be stricken from the History of our Church. I believe where fundamentally motivated by good, Shadow Nuqz still is loyal to chaos first then to our beloved Church(Holy hutch to the the Eternal Pie known as Turtle.
In this matter I call upon the Church to carmel together. That we crunch through this difficult situation. And pray that in the darkness we will find the chocolatey goodness that is the Omni-dessert
Shadow Nugz : Be mindful, young Padawan. Your enthusiasm serves you well but leads you down a dark and Pie-less path. The enlightenment that comes from basking in the steamy goodness of our Blessed Omni-Dessert comes only with time, study and a mind truly open to the Great Circular One-ness of Platehood.
Try to embrace The Blessed Pie one Holy Slice at a time and be patient. Let not your zeal become zealotry, lest you lean too far and fall completely off The Plate. Remeber, you are but a mere Acolyte in our Great and Blessed Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, and it will take time before you reach the Divine Understandings that have lead Brother-Scholar focusedfire and I to our current level.
Be not so hasty in suggesting a new name for consideration, especially when talking of the Well Baked Elite that are the Most Holy Guardians of the Pie of Turtle.
I sponsored your raising from Initiate to Acolyte, so I feel a duty to assist and offer this last piece of advice :
Many a pie steams with the promise of Meaty Goodness and Soulful Satisfaction, but only with care will you avoid the Cursed Gristle-filled Pretenders (may they crumble before the Divine Might of the Blessed Omni-Dessert ) and truly experience the wonders of the Blessed Pie of Turtle, without whose sustenance we are as nought.
focusedfire wrote:Nay young Acolyte, You need to return to your studies and contemplate more upon the Wholeness that is the Eternal Turtle Pie.
The Tau preach wholeness and even distribution of Pie for all. Thus keeping the dish from tipping to one side to much. There is nothing more Turtle-like(Praise the eternal Dessert). They provide balance.
The Eldar focus on perfecting every aspect or ingredient of the Eternal Turtle Pie(Praise the Omni-dessert). Their Patience and focus will only sweeten the whole.
The Necrons show that such is the powerful draw that is The Omni-desert one may return even from death in order to recieve more. They teach us perseverence.
The Dark Eldar revel in the pleasures of Pie. That we should savor every last bit of its sweetness but that it is wrong to be gluttonous. They show us the consequence of over-indulgence.
As a Scholar in the Church of the Children of the Eternal Turtle Pie I call upon our Saints and Leaders to Proclaim the writings of Shadow Nugz as Heritical and be stricken from the History of our Church. I believe where fundamentally motivated by good, Shadow Nuqz still is loyal to chaos first then to our beloved Church(Holy hutch to the the Eternal Pie known as Turtle.
In this matter I call upon the Church to carmel together. That we crunch through this difficult situation. And pray that in the darkness we will find the chocolatey goodness that is the Omni-dessert
Though indeed you speak many truths, as scholar reaper6 has said, let not your zeal become zealotry, Red-hot-pie-pan brand of heresy burns deeply , and should never be used in haste, lest the brander brands himself, for to do so would be the anti-thesis of turtle pie, whose steamy goodness heats our souls, rather than immolating them.
I understand that the fires of your passion were fueled by the heat of the omni-dessert, but let not your feelings for the cause of turtle pie be blinded by it's gooey center, lest it be soiled as you trip and flail blindly on the cafeteria floor of damnation
As there are infinite shades of flavor in the great vastness of turtle pie, there are degrees of guilt, a false statement is not necessarily heresy, just as over zealosness isn't, it must be checked and tempered, rather than expunged completely, so that others may learn from the glorious past of turtle pie
I was planning on using the current space marine rules, so that I wouldn't have to keep asking people if they'd let me play, but a separate list would be humorous, and I know my friends would let me use it.
I saw the "Hard Shell Terminators" earlier, and I just want to say that if a codex gets written, we should steer away from overpowering things.
Yes, it properly conveyed the sheer indestructibility of the turtle, but unfortunately we need to balance their points. slaughtering every other army is realistic, but ultimately we are forced to give our army a handicap to make things competitive. :(
focusedfire wrote:High Chaplain Shrike, I have heard your words and Humbly agree. Forgive my zealousnes, I will return to studying the great Pie that is our universe.
All is forgiven, Brother Scholar, your zeal is understood, as it is hard not to be swept away in the fiery warmth of turtle pie.
Also, I would like to hear the thoughts of both you, and your comrade in scholarship: reaper6, on the orks, as you are both wise in the machinations of turtle pie, and are most apt at determining its will.
Are the orks followers of the great omni-dessert as hinted by their green, almost turtle like nature, and their love of the heat of burnas and guns that explode when handled? Or are they hubristically attempting to steal more pie than that which they have earned?
High-Chaplain Shrike, I will consult as you request.
@Reaper 6, Upon first study the Ork seem to exemplify two attributes within our church. First is that they are a hard race, much like the shell of the Great Turtle.
Second, is they're unpredictability. Always pervasive and somehow always standing out in the greater whole to which they belong. I beleive they represent the nuts.
What say you most learned peer? How do you percieve the Orks place in reference to the Omni-Dessert(All Hail The Pie Named Turtle)?
You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
Don't worry, the fluff forums are still filled with small references to turtle pie.
This leads me to some guidlines for Turtle/Pieing a thread:
If it is a terribly worded thread, or one that has gone off topic, It is a candidate for full fledged conversion to a Turtle Pie thread.
If it is well written and interesting, it can still benefit from the wisdom of the turtle pie, but in a more refined way, try not to derail these threads.
If it is a poll thread, it is acceptable to request something Turtle Pie related be added as an option.
God Of Yams wrote:Don't worry, the fluff forums are still filled with small references to turtle pie.
This leads me to some guidlines for Turtle/Pieing a thread:
If it is a terribly worded thread, or one that has gone off topic, It is a candidate for full fledged conversion to a Turtle Pie thread.
If it is well written and interesting, it can still benefit from the wisdom of the turtle pie, but in a more refined way, try not to derail these threads.
If it is a poll thread, it is acceptable to request something Turtle Pie related be added as an option.
And I would like to humbly add, that threads that have devolved into hate spewing troll wars are also subject to turtle pie intervention, as violence not precipitated by the guardians of Turtle Pie will not be tolerated
Also, spread the word of turtle pie far and wide my brothers! New converts most indeed merit pieces of the pie
aunshova wrote:And they shall be the sacred protectors of that which is most delicious.
And they shall show bravery in the face of those who wish to rob slices of this most divine pastry.
And they shall purge all those who would dare speak out against the scrumptious icon and it's most savory sauces.
And they shall be known hence forth as the Testudine Pie Praetors.
And they shall know no fear.
This... this is.... this is...
I find myself dumbstruck by this tribute to turtle pie... its... its... magnificent!
I move that aunshova be promoted to the rank of scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... as his faith and dedication is most clearly visible... Though perhaps, since this symbol of the great Omni-dessert will be most persuasive in convincing those poor souls who do not follow the great pie, he should be promoted to the rank of Priest.
However, this act of devotion should not go unrewarded
aunshova , truly you are as Michaelangelo, decorating the ceiling of our new 'Off Topic' Testudine Chapel. I tip my Shell Shaped Hat to you in salute of your masterpiece.
Brother-Scholar focusedfire, my investigations of the Greenskinned Race are, as yet, incomplete, but here are my findings to date.
The Orks do, indeed, show many traits that lend themselves as Loyal to The Blessed Pie ( Heated be It's Name ). The race is naturally tenacious, toiling endlessly across the Galaxy, much like the Star Turtle Great A'Tuin. Their green-ness is beyond doubt, and their ability to spread at the drop of a body echoes the rapid spread of our Holy Word of Meaty Goodness. The indications, thus far, are that they should be deemed loyal to the Holy Pie, though I doubt they are truly aware of It's influence upon them.
Regarding their unpredicability, they are one of the few races than can be accurately be described as well and truly Out Of Their Shells most of the time, embarking on some Half-Baked endeavour or another most of the time.
Further investigation is needed before I can reach a more detailed opinion, I'm afraid.
I have news, Brothers. My search through the Archives of the World Wide Wossname for warriors worthy of recruitment into the Sanctified Chapters continues to bear fruit, for I have discovered another candidate to bring before you.
Like Kirk and Picard, this candidate is known worldwide, though he is NOT a graduate of the noble Starfleet Academy ( some say he never even made it through High School ! ).
His skill at arms is almost as great as the Holy Guardians themselves, and it is not inconcievable that he may one day reach such exalted heights.
In the course of his adventures he has slain many hundreds of foes, all ( well, almost all ) enemies of humankind in some way. He, like Kirk and Picard, has saved the known Galaxy ( some say by accident more than design ) and done wonders for the Bar-B-Q Flamethrower Company's sales figures. His loyalty is beyond question, he never fails to Bring Home The Bacon, and he is well versed in the arts of Field Cookery, often producing his famed dish of Bacon Bitz with Crispy Critters to follow.
He is sworn enemy of almost all things Piggy, hating every morsel of their greedy hides, and excels in his rapport with the ladies ( indeed, if he were to race Kirk to the Asian Nursing Students he'd probably win. He'd cheat like hell, but he'd win ).
This paragon of Combat Cookery has inspired generations of young humans, and it is for this reason I recommend him for the post of Master of Recruits, Captain of the 10th Company of the Templars Testudine.
Wizened Cardinal of the Molten Caramel (very high)
feel free to add any input.
I personally prefer the more serious rankings already in place, but there's no reason not to add more.
Reaper6 wrote:
In the course of his adventures he has slain many hundreds of foes, all ( well, almost all ) enemies of humankind in some way. He, like Kirk and Picard, has saved the known Galaxy ( some say by accident more than design ) and done wonders for the Bar-B-Q Flamethrower Company's sales figures. His loyalty is beyond question, he never fails to Bring Home The Bacon, and he is well versed in the arts of Field Cookery, often producing his famed dish of Bacon Bitz with Crispy Critters to follow.
<snip>
...Duke Nukem.
I would never question the power of Mr. Nukem, but he does have a reputation for being somewhat...late.
Highest guardians of the Turtle Pie, why has the Glory-that-be Captain Falcon (Turtle) been accepted?
also, Mr. Nukem's holiness is beyond measurements such as time. St. Yams is treading a dangerous path, which may result in a fracturing of the Highest Church of Turtle Pie into two halves - the top shell, representing those who remain fully loyal, and the bottom segment, those who protect the Turtle Pie in a more undershell manner.
Uhhh, that was a jab at the continuous delaying of the next Duke Nukem game for...how many years now?
I've been humble about my knowledge of the turtle pie, but I was not declared a saint for nothing, I in no way wish to fracture the organization which I helped to found.'
(edit) yes, captain Falcon can join, the Turtle Pie offers sanctuary to all heroes who have something to give, and captain falcon can use his punch to both destroy our enemies and heat pies.
p.s. Did anyone else notice he became southern sometime between the original SSB and Melee?
God Of Yams wrote:Uhhh, that was a jab at the continuous delaying of the next Duke Nukem game for...how many years now?
I've been humble about my knowledge of the turtle pie, but I was not declared a saint for nothing, I in no way wish to fracture the organization which I helped to found.'
(edit) yes, captain Falcon can join, the Turtle Pie offers sanctuary to all heroes who have something to give, and captain falcon can use his punch to both destroy our enemies and heat pies.
Astride flippery wings of glory, capitain falcon bakes and serves pie with fiery efficiency. With heroic shouts of 'Show me you Moves!" he makes the enemies of pie quake with fear. Such is his holiness, that he moved directly from a racing game, to a 2d slap fest, and has been serving pie ever since... battling the false turtle pretender yoshi.
God Of Yams wrote:I would never question the power of Mr. Nukem, but he does have a reputation for being somewhat...late.
On first glance this would appear to be true, oh Holy St Yams, however his constant travels through time distort our perceptions of him slightly. Is he actually late, or being a clever Scout Sergeant and seeing what happens before he goes back and kicks butt to put things back on the Path of the Righteous ?
Regarding the constant delays in the release of his next gaming incarnation and the official statements released so far I couldn't comment, but is it not possible that the delays are being caused by Duke being out in the Galaxy at large, fighting against the enemies of The Blessed Pie instead of being in a studio for motion capture sessions ? If this is the case, as my research indicates, the game's production company is wisely keeping this secret so as to not tip off those who would burn Our Most Holy Crust to a blackened, tasteless offering.
It is my duty to inform you all that there is yet another thread out there that rivals Arihiman's original posts in absurdity, and the turtle pieing has already begun.
As an inheritor of multiple calgar models, I will do my best to make this most holy on conversions... My progress will be posted by tomorrow... turtle pie willing
As an inheritor of multiple calgard models, I will do my best to make this most holy on conversions... My progress will be posted by tomorrow... turtle pie willing
Ah... blessed be the servants of turtle pie... who offer unto us such amenities as anti-callus cream
and also anti calidus cream: takes effect 5 minutes after application, and lasts for 24 hours!
*side effects may vary and may include, dryness, spontaneous combustion, hyperventialtion, hypothermia, enlarged prosthetics, blankness, nausea, and a previously unknown medical condition that we have designated as the "fluffies "
Senior members of the Church I humbly beg forgiveness for my zealotry. I merely sought to establish a clearly defined line for those who were less familiar with the doctrines of the Church.
Whilst your goal was noble, Shadow Nugz, you see now the dangers of being tempted to seek enlightenment too quickly. Newcomers to our Holy Order should be encouraged to unravel the truths of our beliefs one Blessed Meaty Morsel at a time, savouring each taste of the ingredients of The Holy Pie as each reveals it's inherent truth and leads the seeker of enlightenment one step further on their mouth-watering quest to understand the Holy Circularity that is The Pie, The Whole Pie, and Nothing But The Pie.
Resisting the urge to chomp one's way through too eagerly requires the Faithful to show the hardiness and tenacity as exemplified by The Blessed Turtle ( Hard Shelled be It's Name ) as it toils through the turbulent seas on it's Eternal Journey, allowing us, the Children of Turtle Pie to follow in it's wake.
Learn from your mistake, young Acolyte, and savour each spicy, Soul Filling, taste of the Almighty Turtle Pie without spoiling the delights of the journey for those newer to our Order.
He and his sins shall be known anyway to the even-higher guardians of the twin Dakka. Thy work is done. Rejoice, in the light of the Twin Dakka's Turtle Pie!
Brothers, I humbly appeal on the behalf of one whom is known far and wide as a Hero. Having been known by many names and for countless heroic deeds. These deeds are well documented and I believe that, while he himself is at times a little irreverent, he would fit nicely into our ranks. His qualities as an everyman able to engineer and repair the needed tools to accomplish whatever task is at hand make his addition to our ranks invaluable.
Brothers, Sisters, Turtillians & Pie-ates, I nominate & submit for your consideration, Ash(Army of Darkness) aka Bruce Cambell to be a techpriest within our most Holy Orders.
I and all things Pie(Turtle be its name)eagerly await your reply.
And so early in the time of the Churches begining, it was a time of Confusion, Revolution, and Hatred. But one young preacher, though not recognized at all by the church, knew his place was to spread the word of both Pie and Turtle. Bringing his message to all that would hear, He preached thusly.
"Behold for I am both the Turtle and the Pie.
The Crust and the Filling. I am Turtle Pie. Your souls shal be eternally be protected by my shell,
and your enemies bitten with my teeth."
The years and travels began to take their toll on the young preacher, Mondello. His was strong in his faith though, knowing that his suffering hadbeen ordained by Turtle Pie.
Though he did his best, never was his entry into the Church , even as an Intiate, was barred. Eventually he grew bitter, and preached less and less piously. His loyal follower, a young animal he rescued, always stood by him, Mondello knew he had no choice but to end his life, and hope that the Pie forgave him. As the pistol rested against his temple, he was gifted with a vision before he pulled the tigger. He knew what he had to do.
After many more years of travel, Mondello reached his destination. As the mountains of skulls loomed before him, he moved forward. His passage was barredby Deamons of the Blood God. But before him they parted and he stood before the throne of their leader. He had one last chance.
"Behold, Lord Khorne, I am a messenger of Turtle Pie. I come seeking peace, not war." Khorne sat before him and spoke. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I AM INTERESTED IN PEACE, LITTLE MAN?" Mondello swallowed, and spoke. "For I come bearing Pie." He held his hands out, and the delicious pastry stood before Khorne. He bent forward, and took it in his claws. As he placed it on his tongue, the flavor of it immediately hit him. He became racked by great spasms, bringing his hands to his throatto tear it out. As he succeded, Mondello knew he had failed. He sank to his knees, and prepared for the death blow. "LITTLE MAN, THIS IS THE MOST...... AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER TASTED. PLEASE TELL ME, WHERE DID IT COME FROM." Mondello let out a breath, and spoke. "I did not get it. It was here all along, you just never saw it." He heard Khorne make a sound, deep in his throat, and knew that he was doomed. instead, a great booming laugh filled the air. Khorne knelt forward and whisphered. "YOU HAVE SHOWN ME SOMETHING. NO MORTAL CAN BOAST THAT. IF YOU EVER SPEAK OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE, NOT EVEN THIS "TURTLE PIE" CAN SAVE YOU."
Though Mondello knew it was foolish, he talked back. "It also comes in blueberry and pumpkin." Khorne made a motion with his pinky, and Mondello was sent flying before the gates. He loked up at them as they swung closed, amazed that Turtle Pie had saved him. He began to laugh, and returned to his life. Though he was never asked to join the church, he spoke with a new fevor, his passion stirring the populace to save their souls. When he died, he reched a state of being that few can claim to have reached.
Golden Eyed Scout wrote:And so early in the time of the Churches begining, it was a time of Confusion, Revolution, and Hatred. But one young preacher, though not recognized at all by the church, knew his place was to spread the word of both Pie and Turtle. Bringing his message to all that would hear, He preached thusly.
"Behold for I am both the Turtle and the Pie.
The Crust and the Filling. I am Turtle Pie. Your souls shal be eternally be protected by my shell,
and your enemies bitten with my teeth."
The years and travels began to take their toll on the young preacher, Mondello. His was strong in his faith though, knowing that his suffering hadbeen ordained by Turtle Pie.
Though he did his best, never was his entry into the Church , even as an Intiate, was barred. Eventually he grew bitter, and preached less and less piously. His loyal follower, a young animal he rescued, always stood by him, Mondello knew he had no choice but to end his life, and hope that the Pie forgave him. As the pistol rested against his temple, he was gifted with a vision before he pulled the tigger. He knew what he had to do.
After many more years of travel, Mondello reached his destination. As the mountains of skulls loomed before him, he moved forward. His passage was barredby Deamons of the Blood God. But before him they parted and he stood before the throne of their leader. He had one last chance.
"Behold, Lord Khorne, I am a messenger of Turtle Pie. I come seeking peace, not war." Khorne sat before him and spoke. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I AM INTERESTED IN PEACE, LITTLE MAN?" Mondello swallowed, and spoke. "For I come bearing Pie." He held his hands out, and the delicious pastry stood before Khorne. He bent forward, and took it in his claws. As he placed it on his tongue, the flavor of it immediately hit him. He became racked by great spasms, bringing his hands to his throatto tear it out. As he succeded, Mondello knew he had failed. He sank to his knees, and prepared for the death blow. "LITTLE MAN, THIS IS THE MOST...... AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER TASTED. PLEASE TELL ME, WHERE DID IT COME FROM." Mondello let out a breath, and spoke. "I did not get it. It was here all along, you just never saw it." He heard Khorne make a sound, deep in his throat, and knew that he was doomed. instead, a great booming laugh filled the air. Khorne knelt forward and whisphered. "YOU HAVE SHOWN ME SOMETHING. NO MORTAL CAN BOAST THAT. IF YOU EVER SPEAK OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE, NOT EVEN THIS "TURTLE PIE" CAN SAVE YOU."
Though Mondello knew it was foolish, he talked back. "It also comes in blueberry and pumpkin." Khorne made a motion with his pinky, and Mondello was sent flying before the gates. He loked up at them as they swung closed, amazed that Turtle Pie had saved him. He began to laugh, and returned to his life. Though he was never asked to join the church, he spoke with a new fevor, his passion stirring the populace to save their souls. When he died, he reched a state of being that few can claim to have reached.
Pievahna.
foolish preacher, if he had only come to us first, we could have warned him of the capitalized whisperings of Khorne, and saved him a trip.
Golden Eyed Scout wrote: When he died, he reached a state of being that few can claim to have reached.
At least, not without chemical assistance !
chaplaingrabthar wrote:Meh, I prefer frog cake for my amphibious baked goods combination. Turtle Pie is so 4th Edition
Turtle Pie ( Well Baked Be It's Name) is timeless. Such trivial issues as editions matter not when it comes to The Blessed Omni-Dessert. Throw yourself before our Glorious Saints and pray they be merciful, lest Master of Sanctity Shrike78 beat you with his Crozeus Testudine ( no, that's not a disease with a high embarrasment factor )
Reaper6 wrote:Turtle Pie ( Well Baked Be It's Name) is timeless. Such trivial issues as editions matter not when it comes to The Blessed Omni-Dessert. Throw yourself before our Glorious Saints and pray they be merciful, lest Master of Sanctity Shrike78 beat you with his Crozeus Testudine ( no, that's not a disease with a high embarrasment factor )
These 'Saints' are impostors with Feet of Clay
aunshova wrote:
chaplaingrabthar wrote:Meh, I prefer frog cake for my amphibious baked goods combination. Turtle Pie is so 4th Edition
BURN THE HERETIC!
As Galileo was a martyr to the cause of heliocentrism, so shall I be for frog-based deserts
Though, the glory of martyrdom will not be yours, none shall know of your passing, and you will fade into eternal ambiguity in the fires of damnation. The great turtle will swallow you whole, and you will be reconstituted into delicious ingredients for pie.
Know this heretic, whether by your demise or your conversion to the sacred way of turtle pie, you will serve it's divine majesty
I remeber when I first heard of pie. I was young and impressionable when I heard the man known then as The Rock ask a female commentator "Do you like PIE!?!?"
God Of Yams wrote:I too have heard of this preacher of the message of Pie and Turtle.
I do believe that he has fully converted, and now goes by his more respectable name of Dwayne Johnson.
IIRC, though it's been a while so I'm not too sure, this Pilgrim also mentions Pie in Welcome to the Jungle(2004. Also starring Seann William Scott) in the Cantina scene, then later in dialogue with Christopher Walken's character.
It would seem Mr johnson's devotion to the Sacred Omni-Dessert is so profound that he has worked it's reference into two of his projects, possibly more.
Ladies and Gentelmen of the Church of the most Holy Turtle Pie. I come with great news. My school has been given the gift of reciving the word of the turtle pie. All now fallow the omni-desert. FOR THE TURTLE PIE!
God Of Yams wrote:When I saw it, It was called "The Rundown".
Depending on where you are, it was released under at least three titles, Welcome to the Jungle (UK), The Rundown & The Takedown (US & others)
Happygrunt wrote:Ladies and Gentelmen of the Church of the most Holy Turtle Pie. I come with great news. My school has been given the gift of reciving the word of the turtle pie. All now fallow the omni-desert. FOR THE TURTLE PIE!
Truly good news indeed, and worthy of induction to our order at the level of Acolyte, IMO, though it needs to be affirmed by Master of Sanctity Shrike78 or one of our Host Holy Saints.
chaplaingrabthar wrote:These 'Saints' are impostors with Feet of Clay ]
Feet of Clay ? You compound your heresy by referring to one of the Great Works of the Holy Pratchett ?
I was willing to forgive, assuming you were guilty only of ignorance, but this I will not abide.
I was using the term in it's regular sense. I'm not gonna diss Pratchett. I've got far to many of his books in my house to say a bad word about him. I just hope the Alzheimer's doesn't affect him too badly. I prefer Rincewind's stories to the City Guard though, so Last continent is still my favorite Discworld book.
If I'm trolling, I apologize. I was just having a little fun with the inherently silly premise of a Turtle Pie based cult that y'all have going on here. I figured every cult needs a heretic or traitor or two to make it interesting. If you'd rather I desist form this silly little diversion, I shall do so.
chaplaingrabthar wrote:I'm not gonna diss Pratchett. I've got far to many of his books in my house to say a bad word about him. I just hope the Alzheimer's doesn't affect him too badly. I prefer Rincewind's stories to the City Guard though, so Last continent is still my favorite Discworld book.
At least you too acknowledge the literary genius of Terry Pratchett. I was also saddened by the news of his condition and, like many millions, wish him well. I would ask if you've read his more recent publications ( Going Postal and Making Money ) but this thread is not the place for a literary discussion .
chaplaingrabthar wrote:If I'm trolling, I apologize. I was just having a little fun with the inherently silly premise of a Turtle Pie based cult that y'all have going on here. I figured every cult needs a heretic or traitor or two to make it interesting. If you'd rather I desist form this silly little diversion, I shall do so.
No, I guess it's my turn to apologize for being so harsh when it was definitely not required, If you feel that Turtle Pie is silly, then you are indeed an enemy worthy of the title "Grand Heretic"
Brother and Sisters of the blessed Church of Turtle Pie. I must ask if I have been inducted into the most holy church for my spreading of the word of the mist Holy Turtle Pie.
Always act on spreading the word of Turtle Pie to the non-believers, and you shall be seen as a brother to us for as long as we live, for as long as you live. Act against the heretics, and we shall prevail.
Don't spread it too much though, some people might get enraged. The word is like butter on toast, if you spread too little the taste is non-existent; but if you spread too much, you get gooey toast that tastes funny.
youbedead wrote:Turtle pie and turtle pi are inseparable you can not make a round turtle pie without turtle pi
p.s. if any of you were wondering that's 100,000 digits
The essence of The Holy Pie is greater than it's mere circumference, and encompasses more than the world diameter could possibly convey. Your numerical prevarication shows the imbalance of enthusiasm without true wisdom and totally misses the prevalent point of the true Depth that is Turtle Pie ( Meaty, be It's Name).
Very well brothers!!! I have found and primered a suitable turtle, and now am on a quest to find marneus calgar's right... er... left arm....
When I succeed in my quest, I will create the saddle for this most noble steed.
However, there is one thing that has caused me some unrest: How is it that we can rationalize putting the turtle, a most meaty portion of the omni-dessert, in a subservient position under Calgar? Does it sumbbolize the strength that turtle pie lends us? Or is there some greater truth that yet eludes me?
After wandering in the deepest deserts of despair, I was saved by one whom I believe is destined to serve that which is Turtle Pie,
the two-headed Turtle! Its dual gaze sees into our reality and the immaterium, but its wisdom and strength is such that it is not tempted by the vile whisperings of the Daemons. It beseech the worthies of the Turtle Pie to recognize the two-headed Turtle as the emblem of the Navigators of the Turtle Pie fleets. They will guide the most holy warriors of Turtle Pie to wherever they are most needed, and lead them from danger.
I sense a great and most foul mutation. The presence of this, thing... sets me at unrest. IT may require further examination from the Officio Animalia.
Very well brothers!!! I have found and primered a suitable turtle, and now am on a quest to find marneus calgar's right... er... left arm....
When I succeed in my quest, I will create the saddle for this most noble steed.
However, there is one thing that has caused me some unrest: How is it that we can rationalize putting the turtle, a most meaty portion of the omni-dessert, in a subservient position under Calgar? Does it sumbbolize the strength that turtle pie lends us? Or is there some greater truth that yet eludes me?
It shows that the Turtle is always there to support us with it's great and noble strength.
Shrike78 wrote:However, there is one thing that has caused me some unrest: How is it that we can rationalize putting the turtle, a most meaty portion of the omni-dessert, in a subservient position under Calgar? Does it sumbbolize the strength that turtle pie lends us? Or is there some greater truth that yet eludes me?
I would view it as symbolic of the strength of Turtle Pie being able to support even the Mightiest Heroes of the Adeptus Astartes.
Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:Pfffrt. I'm a Vic and Bob afficiando.
Your Internet nonsense cannot harm me, for I have heard Mulligan and O'Hare.
I'm not sure how much of the thread you have seen, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, persist in speaking against the turtle pie at the risk of your own heretical soul!
It may not have the required Pie component, but chex mix is so delicious that I thought this offer should be shared. By the way, Mad Dok Grotsnik, yes, this whole Turtle Pie cult is the ultimate absurdity, but then again, we all need to turn our brains off for awhile now and then. You most of all, you're entirely too tightly wound.
No need to be nasty, I'm sure the corporate entity that makes them is all too willing to take our money once they get us addicted with their free samples. I'll report back after I've tried it.
Mulligan and O'Hare, Vic and Bob afficianado. Pfffrt youngster.
I have been a philosophical follower of the ways of Bob since the 1980s. AKA the cult of the church of the sub-genius.
And before anyone starts there is no conflict between the two because it was the philosiphy of the cult of sub-genius that led me to my contributions and eventual membership in the Church of the Eternal Turtle Pie.
Brothers, I bring news, well more of an update really.
Much earlier in this thread, one of our number reported that he had found this thread on Google by searching for 'Church of the Children of Turtle Pie", the result of which I verified.
I have just conducted the same search again, and lo, not only is this thread the first result, but the quote from the page linked to read thus :
"Armed thusly, none shall come to pass that will harm you"- Shrike78- High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle pie ..."
We retain our place in the Respected Tomes of Google, and our Master of Sanctity is also recognised !
Reaper6 wrote:Brothers, I bring news, well more of an update really.
Much earlier in this thread, one of our number reported that he had found this thread on Google by searching for 'Church of the Children of Turtle Pie", the result of which I verified.
I have just conducted the same search again, and lo, not only is this thread the first result, but the quote from the page linked to read thus :
"Armed thusly, none shall come to pass that will harm you"- Shrike78- High Chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle pie ..."
We retain our place in the Respected Tomes of Google, and our Master of Sanctity is also recognised !
It is so! I have also verifyed that it mentions the pie-ouses of which is Saint Yams!
Let the almighty Trutle Pie arm thee in faceing the unknown, for it is the strongest wepon of all! Long live the church!
chaplaingrabthar wrote:So even Google has been taken in by this blasphemous cult. This will not stand. Good day to you sir, I say, GOOD DAY
Dude, its for fun. I am going through conformation from a REAL church, but this is just a fun way to mess around on a forum. If you dont like it, then you can leave, but stop bugging us about it.
chaplaingrabthar wrote:So even Google has been taken in by this blasphemous cult. This will not stand. Good day to you sir, I say, GOOD DAY
Dude, its for fun. I am going through conformation from a REAL church, but this is just a fun way to mess around on a forum. If you dont like it, then you can leave, but stop bugging us about it.
Very nicely put.
In all seriousness, though, may your faith bring you all that you hope.
I am not a religious man myself, but I've always maintained that an open mind to the beliefs of others is the simplest form of respect a person can show. All faiths have their place in society with the exception, IMO, of those factions that actively encourage hostility toward those not of that faith.
Brothers! Through your sweat, and blood, and the strength of your conviction, the holy cause of Turtle Pie has grown strong indeed. The works of devotion to Turtle Pie, and it's followers and guardians fill my heart with righteous pride unabated.
We have faced obstacles, but we have overcome them, and risen all the stronger because of them.
For special devotion shown to our cause, I think that it is time we recognize a few of our number who have consistenly shown their devotion. Their names I will list presently.
After much consideration, and after reviewing their brave efforts for the cause of the omni-dessert I have found several who are, I believe, ready for larger slices of the pie.
Reaper6: For his continued supply of holy images, and his teachings of the way of turtle pie, I believe he is ready to ascend to the rank of Librarian.
Happygrunt, for his obvious enthusiasm in pursecuting heretics, I would raise to the rank of zealot, so that he may continue in his defence of the followers of turtle pie.
As always, the nominations must be seconded to take effect.
It would be unethical to speak about my own nomination for advancement, but of Happygrunt I can certainly speak fairly.
Happygrunt has, indeed, started down the path of Purger of the Unrighteous. He has studied well the teachings of The Great Turtle and managed to resist taking a prematurely large slice of The Blessed Pie. Any mistakes he has made thus far have been minor, and he has worked hard to learn from these, channelling the strength of these lessons into his increasing devotion to The Blessed Omni-dessert.
In my current position as Scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie I have watched his progress with interest and feel he is, indeed, destined for great things in the defence of our order.
I duly, and with much gladness, forward my vote in favour of raising Happygrunt to the rank of Zealot Protectoris of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
All Praise the Protection of the Great Shelled One and it's union with the Sustainance Most Holy.
Reaper6 wrote:It would be unethical to speak about my own nomination for advancement, but of Happygrunt I can certainly speak fairly.
Happygrunt has, indeed, started down the path of Purger of the Unrighteous. He has studied well the teachings of The Great Turtle and managed to resist taking a prematurely large slice of The Blessed Pie. Any mistakes he has made thus far have been minor, and he has worked hard to learn from these, channelling the strength of these lessons into his increasing devotion to The Blessed Omni-dessert.
In my current position as Scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie I have watched his progress with interest and feel he is, indeed, destined for great things in the defence of our order.
I duly, and with much gladness, forward my vote in favour of raising Happygrunt to the rank of Zealot Protectoris of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie.
All Praise the Protection of the Great Shelled One and it's union with the Sustainance Most Holy.
Shrike78 wrote:After much consideration, and after reviewing their brave efforts for the cause of the omni-dessert I have found several who are, I believe, ready for larger slices of the pie.
Reaper6: For his continued supply of holy images, and his teachings of the way of turtle pie, I believe he is ready to ascend to the rank of Librarian.
Happygrunt, for his obvious enthusiasm in pursecuting heretics, I would raise to the rank of zealot, so that he may continue in his defence of the followers of turtle pie.
As always, the nominations must be seconded to take effect.
My thanks to those for allowing my nomination. I second Reaper6, for his alowed me to delve into the deepness of the mostholy food. His understanding of religion will alow him to go far. And i accept my new rank, and will do all in my power to defend the followers of the Most holy turtle pie. FOR THE PIE BROTHERS! BURN THE HERETICS!
edit: do any of the people in the church have steam?
As a replacement for that close call, toy food guy has joined our most holy cause.
He is under the impression that toy food is more edible than real food. This could result in him tricking our foes into thinking that the Turtle Pie is in fact toy food, and not real food at all.
Of course, we can't forget his powers of mindf*ckery should the above not work.
I believe he will further fortify our defense against those who would take the Pie.
Don't make me cleanse and purge! I'm doing it too much, but it is unfortunately required to show the unbeliever. So don't make me, because it wont be very nice!
warpcrafter wrote:Don't make me call in my favors from the almighty BASEMENT CAT!
God Of Yams wrote:I will assist in your burning of the heretics.
Reaper6 wrote:The Holy Saint Yams has provided us with an example, brothers, and it is GOOD.
To Arms... BURN THE HERETICS !
And so... War has come to this little corner of the internet. My newly apointed rank will assist in this most holy purge. All heretics will be purged. TO ME BROTHERS! TO ARMS! CHARGE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
chaplaingrabthar wrote:The pie is naught but an empty shell, a burnt crust infesting the brain of true believers.
Believer of what? Galaxy Quest? By Grabthars Hammer? No, WE KNOW how you decieved the thermians with your video propaganda, thus nearly leading to their extinction. We will have none of that. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
Return to the real theatre and forsake the blasphemous path thou dost currently tread.
Grabthar, we fear not your hammer nor your "Galaxy Quest" to spread your lie about the Pie(Turtle be thy name). Now, return to your commander Taggart and tell him you've failed.
Happygrunt wrote:Arming fire-and-forget missile, aiminggggg, FIRE! You should have repent, heretic!
I warned ya, didn't I? I said you'd annoy him if you didn't repent and that it would be your undoing...
Happygrunt wrote:I declare, as Zealot Protectius, that you are the number one enemy of the Church of turtle pie. BEGONE!
Awww... Crap !
Now you've done it !
Once he's dealt with you it'll takes us AGES to calm him down ! We didn't name him Zealot for nothing you twit !
Oh, well ! One in, all in... IN THE NAME OF THE BLESSED PIE, BROTHERS... ...CLEANSE AND BURN !
Shrike78 wrote:
Reaper6 wrote:
Happygrunt wrote:Arming fire-and-forget missile, aiminggggg, FIRE! You should have repent, heretic!
I warned ya, didn't I? I said you'd annoy him if you didn't repent and that it would be your undoing...
Happygrunt wrote:I declare, as Zealot Protectius, that you are the number one enemy of the Church of turtle pie. BEGONE!
Awww... Crap !
Now you've done it !
Once he's dealt with you it'll takes us AGES to calm him down ! We didn't name him Zealot for nothing you twit !
Oh, well ! One in, all in... IN THE NAME OF THE BLESSED PIE, BROTHERS... ...CLEANSE AND BURN !
(*sniff) they grow up so fast... I'm so proud of him!
No heretics can withstand us!
Shrike78 wrote:Now listen here heretic! Your failed attempts at dissuading the followers of turtle pie will be stopped.
Whether by the fork, or the crust, or the iron beak of turtle pie, you will be stopped!!!
Brothers! I think it is time for an exterminatus... it's the only way to be sure
Let's see here... Targeting Richmond Virginia...
ahhh... much better
As you can see, the three wepons of most power have been unleashed. The fire and forget missile (buring heretics since before you where born), the Turtle nuke (be its warhead full of pie), and myself, the most Zeal of the Zealots. the heretics have been defeated. TO THE VICTORY FEAST! (snatchs the cheesecake and orange soda).
I have tried to accommodate this turtle and pie foolishness into my world-view, but it is not to be. The foulness that is turtle must be destroyed, by any means necessary. Chaplain Grabthar, we need to establish a unified front against the Turtle Pie (Shun the Turtle Pie, Shuuunnn!!!).
Wow... as chaplain of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I am ashamed for having missed that
Why locked? We are in the proper forum, correct? 
......sorry about that, your turn
!
do you mean you feel sorry for it? or that you fell for it...
Praise the blessed pie of turtle spread the faith. 