You get ZergSmasher.

I insert a Thunderhawk.

You get a giant block of resin and a massive bill

I insert a slice of cheddar cheese

You get a cheeky-ass grin from Jar Jar fething Binks as he/his team beats you in a 50/50 dice roll. Cheating/Force trickery was probably involved.

I insert an aced midterm.

You get a failed final exam

I insert KommissarKiln

You get a recently painted Ork Boy model.

I insert a Super Bowl ring.

You receive a football, inflated to regulation standards. ...this time.

I insert a fairly strong desk lamp.

(Jeez, guys, that's the second time you've shoved me through that machine! The... the horrors I've witnessed... They chill the soul)

You receive paperwork

I shove KommissarKiln back into the machine

You get a laser.

I insert Oprah.

You get a Doppleganger!

I insert all of those unpainted Zulu miniatures.

You receive a red coat

I insert one Farseer on Skyrunner

You get a babe on a jet-ski.

I insert an old cookie from my coat pocket.

You get a Nurgling.

I insert snurl.

You get visited on the hour all night long by fish-slapping ghosts, and they mean business.

I insert a panther.

You get a star.

I insert Michael Jackson.

You get remains and a glove.

I insert Brian Ansell

You receive a chilled out Andy Chambers

I insert a 3d printer

You get sued by Games Workshop for "reasons"

I insert KommisarKiln for the 4th time

You get a 3D printed army of KommisarKlin miniatures.

I insert Warseer.

You receive a broken server

I throw myself into the machine... this can't go wrong...

The Machine spits out Three Fifty. I scoop it up and go get coffee.

I insert an empty Coffee cup.

You get Torus.

I insert a live hand grenade

You get a lit cherry bomb.

I insert an unopened Dark Vengeance set.

You get an unopened Gorka Morka set.

I insert tomatoes.

You receive tomatoes (the other way or pronouncing it).

I insert Dakka's Exalt button.

You get exalted right in the face.

I insert an Orkmoticon

You get KaptinBadrukk.

I insert a war kitten (not the Dakka user, an actual war kitten).

You recieve an armored bear.

I insert an antimeme.

You get amphetamines.

I insert an MP40.

You receive a M1928A1

I insert a bottle of water

You get an American football.

I insert Squats.

You get retconned out of the universe.

I throw myself into the machine

You get KommissarKiln. Wait, does that mean I'm inserted into the machine after you, or are you spat out of the machine and then I am given to you? How was I even inserted 4 times already if I have only been spat out about twice now? Are there more vending machines inside the vending machine into which I was further inserted?? The devices of Tzeentch indeed boggle the mind.

I insert a brain counting down to self-destruct.

You get a piece of paper. Which then explodes in your hands.

I insert some Chinese spare ribs.

You get a missing cat.

I insert KommissarKiln again.

You get Me. Don't ask how this gak works. Just accept it.

I put SYL into the machine

You get a fish-slap.

I insert some snow.

You get an ice sculpture of a Pink Horror of Tzeentch.

I insert a lit match.

You get a fireball to the face.

I insert a Tau Fire Warrior

You receive a goldfish
I insert a hair squigg

You get an oil squig

I throw myself into the machine again

You get stuck.

I insert a crowbar.

You receive the Joker...have fun with that

I push War Kitten in the machine but fall in as well... whats the worst that could happen...

You get a Spawn.

I insert cold coffee.

You get an Eldar.

I insert a PS4.

You get an Xbox One

I respawn and put the Spawn that is me and Torus into the Machine

You get Anchovies, lot of them.

I insert a rainbow.

You get a little pony.

I insert a Nintendo 64.

You get a Neo-Geo.

I insert 2 part Epoxy.

You get an Rastafarian hat.

I insert Snurl.

You get some rum, mon.

I insert some Rastasafarian holy smoke.

You receive two of me and War kitten

I insert an Angry Marine

You get a Dreadnaught pilot shoved up your butt.

I insert a pound coin in the vending machine to see if I get a snack out.

You receive a Yorkie and 20p change

I insert a singing spear

You receive a flaming bodkin arrow to the forehead, and it simply won't cut it out with the "It's A Small World After All."

I insert a parking garage ticket.

You get arrested by the police and thrown into jail.

I take Kiln out of jail and throw him into the machine (for the fifth time I believe, how are you still alive?)

You receive a book written for early elementary school students about single digit addition. I have been inserted not five, but six times now.

I insert a written plea to stop being shoved in this feth-awful machine. Tzeentch has shown me things. Too many things. But at least he also showed me my "#1 Entity Most Frequently Inserted into Vending Machine" trophy.

You get a pass.

I insert your trophy.

You receive Kiln

I insert Slaanesh

You receive Pink Horrors.

I insert some Gas Station Coffee.

You get a hot dog.

I insert some strawberry flavoured milk.

you receive an ice cream sundae

I insert 'the hill'

You get blown up and a flag is then planted on the machine

I insert a Vendetta gunship

You get a blimp.

I insert Torus.

You get a black hole.

I insert the severed head of CS Goto.

You get the hair of Donald Trump.

I insert pizza.

You get a meatball.

I insert Snurl

You get a hill.

I insert Doom.

You receive a fortune cookie. There's nothing written on the paper.

I insert a model of an Ork dressed as a Commissar.

You get Yarrick, who proceeds to power klaw you in the face.

I insert a bottle of super glue

You get a tube of Liquid Nails.

I insert a matress & box spring.

You get a Daemonette of Slaanesh.

I insert Deadpool.

You get a Kiddie Pool.

I insert the City of Brass.

You get El Dorado (think I spelled that right...)

I insert a shovel

You get a hole.

I insert a steak dinner.

You get a piece of bacon

I insert an ice cream cake

You get your Just Deserts.

I insert a Ramrod.

You get a plastic rod.

I insert a Hellhound

You receive a kilo of pure capsaicin.

I insert 250 billion chocolate chip cookies. Per second.

You get 250 billion fish all slapping you at once.

I insert a bottle of soy sauce.

You get Mystery Meat.

I insert Rice Krispies.

You get Snap, Crackle but no Pop

I insert sugar, spice and everything nice...

You get a Fish Slap.

I insert a Nintendo Cartridge.

You receive Fire Emblem: Fates (special edition)

I insert a very nervous introduction to the Avatar forum

You get a rude awakening.

I insert my boots.

You get booted out of the room

I insert a can of spam

You get a virus when you open it.

I insert brownies.

You get a stool sample.

I insert two empty halves of a coconut.

You get a glass of orange juice dumped on your head.

I insert ZergSmasher

You get Arthur, King of the Britons.

I insert a Mighty Fortress.

You get a Vindicator

I insert a bottle of water

You get a jar of dirt.

I insert Jack Sparrow.

You get Jack Davis.

I insert a broken snow shovel.

You get a snowball. It's yellow and smells funny...

I insert a package of Oreo cookies.

You get a note from your dentist.

I insert a Forge World Titan.

You get a home made tyranid bio Titan that vaguely resembles a certain radioactive reptile.

I insert a bottle of each of the GW effect paints ( blood for the blood god, typhus corrosion, ect.)

You get a dried out bottle of Abaddon Black

I insert a hand grenade (minus the pin)

You get a pineapple.

I insert the Millenium Falcon.

You receive a turkey carcass.

I insert a bag of protein powder.

You get a bag of white powder that the police would be VERY interested to find on you...

I insert a lit joint.

You get a bowl of Peyote.

I insert that realy ugly equistria girl doll set that is just taking up space in the toy store I work in.
(Seriously WHAT is that thing! Its as if Dr Mengele literaly made a half human half pony abomination.)

You get a brony.

I insert Castle parts.

You get a needlessly complicated AoS resin terrain kit with bend pieces and no instructions.

I insert everyones Hopes and Dreams.

You get crushed Hope in a jar.

I insert a block of Swiss Cheese

You receive a ton of holes.

I insert a potted plant.

You get a tin of potted mystery meat.

I insert some vintage gentleman's relish.

You get some SPAM.

I insert beans.

You get a recipe for pork'n'beans.

I insert a squig burger.

You receive a spiffy new haircut.

I insert a tuning fork.

You get the Yamaha logo.

I insert a Space Marine bike.

You get a looted tricycle.

I insert the miniatures that time forgot!

You get the Emperor of Mankind

I insert "Kitten"

You get a litter box, which is then dumped onto your head.

I put an apple into the machine

You get the most foul of all fruits, an avocado.

I insert a jar of salsa.

You get an American parody of "Attack on Titan" cleverly called "Attack on Texas" starring Donald Trump.

I insert hypocrisy

You got the inquisition, did you expect that?

I inset a copy of blazblue

You get a rerun of NYPD Blue.

I insert Guacamole.

You receive an exclusive, limited edition ¡Jeb! poster.

I insert a vat of acid.

You get a Teaparty member.

I insert /pol/.

You get a jerrycan of distilled rage.

I insert an old VHS player.

You get a tape of Transformers: Armada

I insert my local GW staff member

You get a really expensive but worthless on the TT model.

I insert an Eldar Farseer.

You get a nearsighted elder.

I insert the Necronomicon.

You get the dairy of Nagash, Supreme Lord of the Undead.

I insert a tasty treat.

A ripper pops out of the machine and eats it before you can properly insert it. However the machine still gives you an empty candy bar wrapper.

I insert a 3.5 edition CSM codex

You get the 7th edition Eldar Craftworlds codex, together with a block of old limburger cheese.

I insert a Perfidious Relic of the Unforgiven.

You get empty .44 cartridges.

I insert the last shred of my sanity.

You get a Death Jester, who then promptly laughs at you

I insert a bottle of Vodka (whipped cream flavor)

You get a copy of the album "Whipped Cream and Other Delights" by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.

I insert a trumpet.

You get an Uncello and a manual on how to play it.

I insert a bottle of screencleaner and a micro-fiber cloth.

You get a can of Pledge.

I insert a Big Mac.

You get a Whopper.

I insert about 20mg of dark matter, a kilo of Adamantium and an ingot of Octiron. I set the vending machine to very fine.

You get a cup of espresso that tasted really bad and glows in the dark.

I insert a kilo of unobtainium.

You receive a basket of Avatar Action Figures that are mad at you

I insert an angry dwarf that has a penchant for drinking and talking about debt management

You get a dwarf who only talks about gold.

I insert the classiest porno ever made.

You get 404: File not found.

I insert clear nail polish.

You get a ruined Forge world miniature.

I insert the stack of assemble instructions from all the model kits I own.

You get a crash course in Japanese.

I insert joke exploding birthday candles.

You get a cake with a Slaaneshi stripper inside.

I insert the Lego Millennium falcon kit.

You get a Megablocks USS Enterprise


I insert Rick.

You get Grime.

I insert Daryl.

You get a copy of the 1985 movie D.A.R.Y.L. on VHS in a bigbox.

I insert all of my HATE!

You get a chill pill.

I insert a Shamrock Shake.

You get a Mac D.L.T.

I insert that old box of used needles from behind the dumpster.

You receive hepatitis C!

I insert Tutankhamun's death mask.

You get a Harlequin Solitaire's mask.

I insert a Start Collecting! Tau Empire box.

You get a Pulse rifle shaped figure case.

I insert a dreamforge leviathan boxset

You get a Kraken

I insert a Hemophobic Khorne Berzerker

You get a pint of plasma.

I insert a bic pen.

You get an apple with an arrow in it.

I insert snurl...

You get a small, but well painted gallery.

I insert a collection of the works of former British comedian Richard Michael "Rik" Mayall

You get Mr. Bean on VHS.

I insert Benny Hill.

You get Tommy Cooper.

I insert a some old Hollywood crazy.

You get a stack of cash

I insert my foot

You get a mannequin.

I insert a TV remote.

You get change.

I insert Hasbro.

You get a potato

I insert a Helldrake

You get a Hot Wheels.

I insert tight socks.

You get a Dreadsock.

I insert a taco.

You get diarreah

I insert something I shouldn't

You get a bad feeling.

I insert

You get a fish slap.

I insert a dart with eyeball juice all over it.

You get an assault charge.

I insert a CD of Queen's Greatest Hits.

You get fish-slapped by the queen.

I insert a big rubber band.

You get a tube of rubber cement.

I insert a sexy female combat servitor.

You get a tube of KY jelly.

I insert potato Chips.

You get a packet of SMASH.

I insert an unsexy female combat servitor.

You get a drone.

I insert Catgirls.

You get anime school girl.

I insert a stack of obscure table top RPG books. A bag of obscure out of production miniatures and an oddly specific set of dice.

Granted. You get my basement.

I insert an MTG card.

You get a pokemon deck.

I insert a pirated copy of Zootropolis recorded on a cellphone.

You get a spam email about your account.

I insert some Iced Tea.

You get frozen tea bags.

I insert some hot stolen loot.

You get three to five.

I insert some discontinued WHFB models.

You get rouge trader plastic space marines.

I insert Microart Studio's Discworld model line.

You get NorthStar's Frostgrave line.

I insert Bolt Action dice.

You get a pair of Sicherman dice.

I insert a 12 sided D20.

You get some odd looks.

I insert a cat.

You get a theoretical discussion on the interpretations of quantum mechanics.

I insert Pavlov's Dog.

You get a bell.

I insert "It's a Wonderful Life"

You get the cut shooting spree ending.

I insert those annoying commercials for the toy store I work in.

You get an overbearing Giraffe.

I insert a re-caster.

You get a visit from the GW legal team for pirating thier miniatures. You then get a visit from the Chinese Mafia for muscling in on their territory.

I quickly insert my entire meth lab as I hear the cops approaching.

You get an explosion.

I insert all those aluminum pull-tabs I've been saving.

You get a grateful Mekboy.

I insert SCP-682.

You get NCC-1701-d.

I insert a yardstick.

You get a ruler.

I insert a Tau Shield Drone.

You get a target.

I insert a pen.

You get a sword.

I insert a splendid set of encyclopedias.

You get the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, complete with the words "DON'T PANIC" written in large friendly letters on the back cover.

I insert a Space Marine shoulder pad.

You get Spaceballs: The Movie

I insert a hammer

You get nailed.

I insert glue.

You get sticky fingers

I insert a primed-in-black Space Marine

You get dark results.

I insert a used lawn mower.

You receive a blender

I insert a pot of Air Mephiston Red

You get Tentacle Pink.

I insert a load of thistle.

You receive a kilt made out of said thistles.

I insert a Reaver jetbike.

You get an Indian Chief.

I insert a Sherman Firefly.

You get a tank round to the gonads

I insert a Dwarven Bolt Thrower

You get an Amish Manure spreader.

I insert a steam engine.

You get a Gyrocopter

I insert a pebble

You get a slingshot.

I insert an arrow.

You get a boomerang

I insert a piece of pie

You get a whole pie, right in the kisser.

I insert a bottle of GW plastic glue.

You get some dentures.

I insert all my hopes and dreams

You get Kickstarter.

I insert reality.

You get a swift kick to the groin

I insert my dreams

You get Freud telling you things you really didnt want to know.

I insert a broken record

You get a Guiness book of records.

I insert fresh crab rangoon.

You get a crab, which then pinches your nose

I insert the blood of my enemies

You get a box of Maxi-Pads.

I insert Frostgrave Cultists.

You get an oddly shaped hat.

I insert an Ork

You get 2 grots.

I insert a dull pencil.

You get an eraser.

I insert a copy of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

You get a Droid riding a soccer ball

I insert a deflated basketball

You get a thunder stomped droid.

I insert a Bantha.

You get a Krayt Dragon...

I insert a Krayt Dragon Pearl.


** Also, I can't believe this is still going lol **

You get a Custom Lime.

I insert the TV remote.

You get a dead battery.

I insert a hockey puck.

You get a Hershey Bar.

I insert a cat.

You receive a chunky Kit-kat

I insert an empty bottle of Pepsi Max

You get a empty coke can.

I insert a rubber glove.

You get an uncomfortable rectal exam

I insert a magic bean

You get Coffee.

I insert A Hawk.

You get bird poop. On your head.

I insert a bullet

You get a blank cartridge.

I insert a Skitarii Onager Dunecrawler.

You get a sandworm.

I insert a Crystal Tower.

You get a Lyrium Crystal

I insert a Gyrobomber

You get an Easter Egg.

I insert a Quarter.

You get a penny.

I insert an apple

You get a Commodore.

I insert a Rainbow.

You get a pot of gold.

I insert a piece of pie

You get your just desserts.

I insert a narrative commentary.

You get a stack of paper

I insert a D&D player's handbook

You get a bunch of nerdy guys wearing pocket protectors arguing about Magic the Gathering.

I insert an obscure reference to some web-cartoon

You get the rules for Bombas Ova Da Sulfa Rivver.

I insert a 20 sided dice.

You get a D&D core book.

I insert a deck of pokemon cards.

You get a Black Lotus.

I insert shredded documents.

You get a "Vote for Hillary" campaign button.

I insert Barack Obama.

You get the shaft.

I insert a fly swatter.

You get a can of bugspray.

I insert a canister of nervegas.

You get spray primer.

I insert a bucket of KFC.

You get an order of Squig burgers with a side of fungal fries and an Ork Blue Ribon Fungal beer.

I insert the Doom Marine from the new Doom game with an adress label to the Warp on his back.

You get Quake.

I insert a gumball.

You get a King size Jawbreaker.

I insert Quake guy.

You get Duke Nuke 'em.

I insert the Triforce.

You get a kid in a green outfit.

I insert Pac-man.

You get Dig-Dug.

I insert Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

You get Jon Snow.

I insert a PS4

You get a copy of Star Wars: Battlefront.

I insert an Imperial Stormtrooper (the Star Wars kind, not the 40k kind!).

You get an Ork dressed as Darth Vader. He is really proud of his outfit.

I insert an X-wing fighter and a Tie Fighter.

You get a Romulan Bird of Prey.

I insert a shotgun.

You get rock salt.

I insert Duke Nuke 'em.

You get Doom.

I insert some styrofoam.

You get some peanuts.

I insert an elephant.

You get a trunk.

I insert all-purpose detergent.

You get some dish soap

I insert an Imperial Stormtrooper (the 40k kind)

You get Bobba Fett. The Lucas Kind.

I insert an armored box.

You get a Space Marine Rhino.

I insert a Rhino (the kind found in Africa).

You get a Land Raider. (the kind found at GW)

I insert a Sharpie pen.

You get a vial full of squid ink

I insert a flying toaster (aka the Storm Raven)

You get a copy of The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars.

I insert a can of Pringles.

You get a bag of Doritos

I insert one single slice of Pepper Jack Cheese

You get a Fish-Slap.

I insert a Banana.

You get Donkey Kong

I insert an apple

You get gravity.

I insert a kite.

You get a key that used to belong to Benjamin Franklin.

I insert Neil Degrasse Tyson.

You get Mike Tyson.

I insert Elsa.

You receive nothing. After waiting awhile for your reward you decide to let it go.

I insert a piece of rusty metal.

You get a tetanus shot.

I insert a shot of vodka.

You get a white Russian (the drink, not the person)

I insert two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers. Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls

You get a bunch of Slaanesh-themed party favors.

I insert a jar containing the gas from my loudest, nastiest fart ever!

You receive a thank you letter from a Great Unclean One. It is written on a rancid shred of skin.

I insert $8.88 exactly.

You get your head removed, for Khorne cares not from where the blood flows, only that it does.

I insert a bagel

You get Ten to Twenty Five at County.

I insert a bottle rocket.

You receive a living replica of Buzz Aldrin, shrunk down to 28mm scale.

I insert a sentient time machine that periodically shouts "Great Scott!"

You get a jacket that looks somewhat like a life preserver.

I insert a NASCAR racing tire.

You receive an Ork speed freak.

I insert a copy of Call of Duty: Ghosts.

You get a bag of Sta-Puff Marshmallows.

I insert a magnifying glass.

You get a better look at something small.

I insert a small loan of one million Orks.

You get an installment Waaaugh.

I insert an Aquaduct.

You get a bottle of Aquafina water.

I insert a flux capacitor.

You get back to the future.

I insert a duck.

You get a beggar asking for his hat.

I insert a round of applause.

You get the clap.

I insert a baby rabbit.

You get officer Judy Hops ZPD.

I insert a tricked out muscle car, a bitching '70s soundtrack and lots of homoerotic undertones.

You are Gone in Sixty Seconds.

I insert a Crystal Tower.

You get a baseball from a child... At 98 mph.

I insert a quantity of air equal in volume to a pile of quarters that will displace this pile of quarters I'm removing from the machine.

You get a rude suprise, and an electric shock.

I insert a Chessex Box.

You get a chess board.

I insert a lawnmower.

You get a Scythe.

I insert a bowl of Captain Krunch.

You get a jug of milk

I insert an Ipad

You receive a bunch of stupid teenagers so obsessed with Pokemon Go that they drive around, congesting main roads and idling through suburbs, looking like predators. Not that I dislike the app, I'm all for it, but seriously, it's designed for travel on foot...

I insert a soapbox, and its corresponding Dakka emoji:

You get a recording of Guile's speech from the Street Fighter movie.

I insert a Dreadball.

You get a Dreadnaught. In a sock.

I insert A Pokemon.

You get a Snorlax in your living room

I insert a Ford Focus

You get Found On Road Dead.

I insert a smoked Beef Brisket.

You get a smoked cigarette butt.

I insert a bottle of Citadel Plastic Glue.

You get a note to your parents from the kindergarten teacher, lamenting on your budding addiction to household inhalants.

I insert a copy of Tron: Legacy and some psychedelic drugs.

You get the shakes and you are terrified of your TV.

I insert a mirror.

You get a copy of your reflection, weirdly distorted.

I insert a lasgun power pack