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Hi all,

I found out this year New Years Day i'm going to be a father, and it rocked my world.
It wasn't expected but definitely not unwanted, so late August i'm to join the ranks of proud parents with my baby Boy.
But down to business,

1) How does having a baby affect your available time for hobbies[u]? My family moved out to Australia before I was born and we never grew up knowing babies and cousins and family, so my experience with new borns is extremely limited.

2) How has fatherhood impacted your hobby?

3) Have you got any good stories of getting your children into wfb or 40k?

My wife is wanting to put a moratorium on my purchases because she thinks that when the baby comes there will be no time for painting my silly little men.
Please tell me everything!

Babies are great to play against.

I gave my son an army of Ultramarines, you know... the greatest space marine chapter in the universe? He took a dump in a diaper and put one in his mouth for the effort.

I got a great laugh out of that, seeing as at the time I was working on the Dark Eldar for the second part of that boxed set. He didn't even give the Dark Eldar a second look...

I knew at that time the kid was a born chaos spawn.

He's around 13 now, he really digs his Dark Angels.


Take your time with him, they take a while to learn the rules by two. The you just set him up in his highchair on one side of the table and just go to town playing the game with him.

It was suprising when out of the blue one day he started asking about the "Space guys" and the "garage"...




I ruined him, the poor kid.

kanelom wrote:Hi all,

I found out this year New Years Day i'm going to be a father, and it rocked my world.
It wasn't expected but definitely not unwanted, so late August i'm to join the ranks of proud parents with my baby Boy.
But down to business,

1) How does having a baby affect your available time for hobbies[u]? My family moved out to Australia before I was born and we never grew up knowing babies and cousins and family, so my experience with new borns is extremely limited.

2) How has fatherhood impacted your hobby?

3) Have you got any good stories of getting your children into wfb or 40k?

My wife is wanting to put a moratorium on my purchases because she thinks that when the baby comes there will be no time for painting my silly little men.
Please tell me everything!

First, congrats! It's a bit cliched, but kids really do change everything and you won't want to go back to the way things were before they arrived.

That said:

1) Available time for hobbies will (at least for a while) shrink to basically zero. And, you'll have to trust me on this, even if *you* think you have the time to do it, you'd better make sure mom does as well. Because no matter how much you think you're pitching in, it's almost certainly not even close to half of what she's doing/going through and you really don't want her to equate "not helping enough" with "gaming".

2) Unless you're independently wealthy or have an amazingly well-paying job, expect the funds available to support something like the "GW Hobby" to be stretched very, very thin. Babies are expensive! Combine that with #1 above and it's safe to say that fatherhood will likely have a huge impact on your hobby.

Moreover, you start to really have to think about things like, "Did I leave the superglue out on the table where the little one can get it?" Now, replace "superglue" with "Xacto knife", "paint", "figures", "files", "dice", etc... And replace "get" it with "choke on", "lose", "break", "get cut by", etc... and you'll quickly realize you simply MUST have a place where the little one can't get access to to keep your stuff. Which, in many cases, means no dedicated painting/gaming/modeling area.

All's not lost. If it's something you really enjoy and want to include in your life, I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to do it. But yeah... Expect fatherhood to seriously impact on your hobby.

3) No luck yet. But my son's only 3, and my wife won't let me make a 1:1 scale Emperor Titan outfit for him so I can take him to the local GW store and let him play in an Apocalypse game...

Valete,

JohnS

@ Grot 6: haha yeah I wasn't quite thinking of going that far and involving the child (outside of exposing him to the Ultramarines movie instead of Snow white... and bedtime stories of the Horus Heresy!)

@ Cygnnus: Wow There's so much that I haven't even considered. Being in China means that the cash supply won't dry up, baby stuff here is cheap. Real cheap. And everyones looking out for us with clothes etc. i guess it's just the time deal then. You're spot on about the wife. haha
Your son in an outfit like that would be the Chuck Norris of Titans, above and beyond the rules. Movement, shooting and assault phase all in one! You're opponents little men really do die when hit by the impassable ruin or Bastion.
I guess if they had a particularly troublesome unit you could set them back a bit for future games by taking the little tyke and letting him loose.
But thats probably best left for mortal enemies.

Hi kanelom - first up congrats on the baby - I've got two of my own (the first was 2 in march and the second was born this year in march) so I can feel your inevitable gaming pain!!

As cygnnus said, keeping a close eye on your stuff is imperative - not so much when they're babies but as soon as they start to crawl, then walk and *ouch!* climb! then your stuff will never be safe again...

I have an added problem in that I do historical re-enactment as well as gaming so I have 2 time-consuming hobbies.

The best advice I can offer is:
First, before the baby is born paint like crazy! You'll get so little quiet time for painting afterwards that (like me) your armies grind to a halt.
Second, plan your purchases now. If you have anything you no longer want get in on ebay sharpish. One of the things no-one ever tells you about a baby is how much space all their stuff takes up so you need to clear the cupboards! Work out what you need for any projects currently on-the-go and get it before the baby comes if possible, that way your wife won't think your toys are more important than milk/nappies/clothes/etc. Don't start any new projects until you know exactly what impact the baby has had.
Third, talk to your wife about time off. Trust me that it is vitally important for both of you to have time away from the baby for the sake of your sanity. Offer a trade where once or twice a week you take the baby while she goes somewhere with friends/family. In return you get a similar amount of time with your gaming buddies. This will let you both blow off steam and relax and will lead to a happier home.

All the best with everything. C_C

OK, I want to know who said "moderate". 'Fess up!

Anyhow:
1. way less time
2. way less money
If you can deal with that, it'll be all good.

as a mom, i will tell you that it has been extremely difficult for my husband and i since we've had our son. for the first six months or so we were able to keep our anime group and my husband's roleplaying group fairly active. slowly, however, our friends began to disappear as our son became less willing to sit through whatever we were doing and became interested in having us play with him more. be prepared for your single and childless friends to go elsewhere.

Don't know but I will find out in ~week when number 1 arrives!

Well first up, congrats chaps! There's definitely a sense of "Thank God! IT ALL WORKS!" or, when it comes to #2 "It STILL works!"

The first few weeks are shattering either way and expect no geek time. With #1 between about 3-18m was pretty biddable, liked sitting on my knee while painted etc. With 2 on the go, who knows. A couple of close friends have 3 kids spread out (1-8) and find time to game regularly: the key is a partner who understands you need something to give you some sanity...

Try to make sure you plan the "geek" time you do have carefully to make the most of it. For example having a session undercoating a big batch of figures so when you do get the chance to paint you are ready to go with the good stuff. Painting stations or storage boxes that can be safely packed away but easily accessed have proven useful for me too. Don't forget that father's day is a wonderful excuse for more toys for you!

My 3 year old daughter is already keen to play Bloodbowl and enjoys saying Necromunda even if she doesn't understand what it is yet. I have that Escher gang ready to go.

Have to agree with all the guys comments on this one. Have a 1 year old and 1 month old daughter, you have to really plan your time. Just because your in the mood to paint, doesn't mean that they have the same idea (that include ANYTHING you do haha...even the toilet isn't peaceful)

Best of luck btw

Oh god to go to the toilet in peace! Yeah, that's one of life's little joys you never knew you'd miss...

Welcome to the "Happy Wargaming Fathers' Club" Kanelom!

Appart from the lack of sleep, the time you'll spend caring for your baby back home after your working day, the financial impact, it's possible to keep a little time for yourself, just keep in mind that you'll have to slow down on the hobby for some times (I say slow down, not stop !)

Personnally, I enjoy these sunday afternoons when my wife and my daughter are having a nap, and I can spend 3-4 hours painting and modelling .

I consider myself lucky as my wife understands the fact that we both need to get some free time, she goes shopping, I paint, that's a good arrangement.

as a mom, i will tell you that it has been extremely difficult for my husband and i since we've had our son. for the first six months or so we were able to keep our anime group and my husband's roleplaying group fairly active. slowly, however, our friends began to disappear as our son became less willing to sit through whatever we were doing and became interested in having us play with him more. be prepared for your single and childless friends to go elsewhere.

Man, this is SO true. I have 3 children, 11, 9 and 4 and after the birth of the first, I pretty much lost every friend I had. They were all single 20 somethings, and although they were my best friends in the world, and I had the only local gaming hangout with free food (I had/have a good job!) the drama of raising children proved too much for all of them. I used to have to step overtop of people in sleeping bags and several tables pushed together for Apoc games on my way out to work everyday. But eventually, everyone drifted away and some were at least honest enough to admit that the constant child fighting, nagging, whining, diaper changes etc. etc. just wore on everyone. I spent about half a decade purposely NOT making friends after that, and to this day, I really only have 2. As the years went by and those same people began having kids, I noticed that they wanted to come over again and re-kindle that friendship, but I have staunchly refused. Of the 2 friends I do have, they are people that became friends with me not because of, or in spite of the fact that I had kids, but people that liked me enough to deal with the chaos of having children. There are probably hundreds of people that would say we're friends (I'm a very friendly guy!) but only in the most casual sort of way, and I prefer to keep it that way now.

This, however, has also led to an extremely tight family unit here, in which Momma wears Khorne or Nurgle earrings depending on the day, my 11 year old has over 6,000 points of Orks, my daughter got her first Chaos Space Marine battleforce for her birthday (by request!) and my littlest can even recognize a space marine from an eldar. We do not watch TV for one thing, never have, and that gives us a huge amount of time compared to most other families; consider getting rid of that idiot machine, and you'll be amazed at what you can do with 2 to 4 extra hours a day, especially as a new parent. Part of me has always felt that TV was paramount to child abuse for developing minds.... but I digress. ;-D

Say goodbye to the world you knew, and focus on what's important to you; everyone and everything else can kiss your @$$. ;-D

I dunno, it was a bit different for me. By the time I got back into wargaming, I had a wife already and was madly busy with school and work. She got me back into gaming. So I have been used to having to make time for the hobby end of things out of odd ends.

When the first baby came, we made sur to make time for each other. i had no problem watching the babywhile she went and did whatever. She never really took advantage much. I think it just gave her peace of mind ot know that whenever she asked, I dropped EVERYTHING and did whatever. she wants to head out of town for a night to go spend with frineds? Fine, no problem, have a great trip. But really she just liked spending time with me, regardless of what i was doing.

I think that is an important aspect of a marriage, that you enjoy spending time together. But dont ask me; I am working on a divorce.

The first few years were rough, but once my son hit around 7, now 10, it's been golden. He plays yu-ghi-oh in tournaments on Saturday afternoons where I can play a solid game provided I can set up an opponent. Or can go to another store on friday nights. I paint more than ever, he loves those model cars. He thinks the hobby is a lil too much for him currently, but I think he's been eyeballing the lizardmen a lot lately.

Congratulations! I just passed the 3 month mark. I found a previous thread like this absolutely invaluable. The most important thing I took away from it and applied to my own life was not to make plans, rather to plan opportunites. This is a little confusing, and is definitely a psychological trick to make sure that you don't get frustrated by the lack of gaming time.

Essentially, rather than planning to game on Saturday and calling your friends, then getting a list together, I've set up a 'go bag' with an 1850 army and lists for 1000, 1250, 1500 and 1850. Knowing that is there, I know I could game if the opportunity presents itself, and I let my wife know that I'd like to game on Saturday if everything works out. When Saturday rolls around, look for the baby taking a long nap, and gauge your wife's mental state. If you think she could handle your absence for 3 or 4 hours, then ask her if it would be alright with her if you go game for that period of time. Offer to pack up and return immediately if she needs you. If she agrees and means it (hopefully you can tell the difference with about 50% accuracy by now) then go for it.

Having a plan, and trying to stick to it means that you'll feel that you failed, or got cheated out of time that you should have on some level. Your recreational needs are priority 9 or 10 now. I suggest books and Dawn of War for your fix, as they are both easier to do while holding a baby and easier to walk away from.

At the game store, find the first opponent you can and explain your situation. Warn them that you'd love to play, but that you may need to leave at any moment. Most people will be ok with this. Those that aren't are probably too serious for your rusty skills to allow you to beat anyways. Always, always return home early.

I've gamed once with 40k under these conditions, and it was guilt free and wonderful. I've also RPGed twice with my wife and a few friends of ours. That is much easier to do, since the group can stop when the baby needs you. I haven't tried any painting yet, but I've noticed that I have begun to have 15 minute windows where he is occupied playing in his space gym or exer-saucer. Perhaps I shall take up my brush now that school is out.

I wasnt affected too much when we had just our first two. Yeah game time was affected, but I could still sneak in a game every other Friday night at the FLGS. But now after our sixth child, and a move from the city to the country, my game time is down to every so often, and when I do I game it's with the two oldest children (10 and 8) either on the living room floor or on a corner of the gaming table I built (a corner because there is now a huge dollhouse being built in the middle of it). My modeling time is usualy between 10PM and midnight (my only "free" time).

C'est la vie!

No kids right now but my dogs are just as bad. Kids are small, smelly and expensive dream killers.

Kids are machines for turning money into poo. Or is that GW?

Congrats!

When my little one came along, I tried to keep the flame going but quickly realized that in addition to my full time job and the band I played with, it was going to be one hobby too many. My 40k stuff got boxed.

Eventually, I dropped out of the band, segued into running RPG's (MUCH easier to do with baby on board) for the wife and friends, and forgot about the box of early 90's miniatures stuffed in the Batcave.

8-9 years later, my son became interested in Heroscape, which I kind of saw as a nice gateway to more serious wargames and model collecting. Purely by chance, he found a 2nd ed space marine when unpacking a box during our last move and began asking questions. He wanted to use them in Heroscape first, but quickly changed his mind when he saw how many different models and armies 40K had to offer.

He started with Necrons and has been borrowing my burgeoning Crimson Fists more often lately and there's been talk of Dark Eldar or Tau in the future. Of course, with me and the wife as his parents, the kid never had a chance.

kanelom wrote:and bedtime stories of the Horus Heresy!)

This. I'm sorry to go OT but I think this is absolutely great. You know, if you want to go through with this I would happily write you up an "abbreived" version of the story.

Leromides wrote:stuff. Painting stations or storage boxes that can be safely packed away but easily accessed have proven useful for me too.

This is a good tip. I keep my current projects (at least as long as we're not expecting company) neatly packed up on top of our fridge out of reach of curious little hands. When I find myself with 30 minutes of free time, I can quickly bring it down, spread it out on the kitchen table and get some work in. You get good at working in short, furious bursts after a while. About half or more of my Genestealer Cult was painted post-baby. So it can be done, it just requires flexibility (it's not always clear when you'll get the chance to paint) and focus (because the desire to use the free 30 minutes to catch a nap will be there).

Keeping an army packed and ready, lists, dice and all is also a good tip. That's a better plan for later though, since you shouldn't expect to get much gaming in during the first few months.

Oh, and congrats!

How important is gaming to you?

Life doesnt stop when you have a child. You're still your own person....unless you DECIDE to become a father and nothing else.

I live my own life, I do what I want to do. I also have the responsibility of a child. I chose to have that child, I choose to take care of him. I also CHOOSE to occasionally let the daycare take him so that I can go play my hobbygames.

Gaming will help keep you sane. You just got to fit it in.

Always remember, you've gotta live YOUR life...dont ONLY live your childs life.

Besides, once they get old enough they'll want to get into whatever daddy is doing anyway....awesome!

1) How does having a baby affect your available time for hobbies[u]? You probably won't get much free time at all for the first year. Be happy with a hobby session (painting or gaming) once or twice a month. Make sure you what little free time you do get is fairly distributed between you and Mommy. Also, half that free time should be spent with your wife/husband. There are going to incredible highs and lows, but the most important thing is to make sure Mommy and Daddy are happy with each other.
Once the little ones get older, or develop a sleeping pattern, you may find an hour or two in the evenings for fun. Make sure you split that 60% with spouse 40% hobby. You never want the hobby to seem like it is getting more attention.

2) How has fatherhood impacted your hobby? This is pretty much the same answer as #1. To repeat other posters, plan ahead well. If you only get an hour make sure you use it to it's full potential. Make a realistic plan. Are you going to really paint the entire army with layering and highlights, or are washes and tasteful drybrushing really what you have the time for?

3) Have you got any good stories of getting your children into wfb or 40k? Not yet. I have two sons, 3 years old and 9 months. I will do everything I can to encourage them to enjoy 40k, but I wont push it on them. My 3 year old found an old school Rhino and matching old school Spacemarine squad in the garage a while ago. He loves playing in the dirt with them so hopefully we are moving in the right direction. I have these dreams of 40k nights after homework is finished.

Most of all, enjoy your kids. They will grow very fast. Seems like yesterday I found out my wife was pregnant with the first, now he is 3 and has a little brother.

I voted Great effect only because now I get gaming stuff for Fathers Day!

I've got two little ones (2 years and 2 months) and really, it's not that bad. Wargaming actually fits really well into life the first year. It gets trickier as they get older, but not impossible.

Until 6 months or so, kids are pretty painless. They eat, sleep, and poop. You can play a little bit, but it's not something that demands hours and hours of time. I read that newborns are only alert and awake something like 1 to 4 hours a day. That sounds about right. They really do spend most of their time just...laying there.

Once they get a bit older they do demand a bit more attention. The biggest problem is you need to have an area set aside that's safe for all your stuff. Kids are demons when it comes to figuring out how to get into things. I lost one pot of paint with the old flip top lid that I forgot to put up one night - luckily the only collateral damage was some scrap paper I put down to catch drips...it just caught a little more than initially intended!

Anyway, there's really two big changes that are felt.

1) If your usual plans involved going out and doing things in different places...yeah...good luck with that. If you wargame in your home or your buddies houses, you're gonna be fine.

2) You have to be understanding in that you'll have to be able to drop whatever you're doing at a moments notice occasionally. I have a gaming buddy who also has a kid and we don't bat an eye when 15 minute diaper/food breaks take place. It happens and that's the priority.

I'm also a believer that kids should be able to entertain themselves. Not saying ignore the kid for your hobbies, but if I don't think the parents should be responsible for 24/7 entertainment of their kids - they should be able to play with blocks or books or whatever on their own just fine for a time. Supervised, yes, but actively entertained? Only sometimes.

Having a young child kills your 'free time' in which to paint.

I still make it to tourneys but I have so much on otherwise I really miss out on alot of the preparation time.

You can't live totally for the kids, or when they get older will be totally lost on what to do for yourself.

I'm lucky in that my boy entertains himself just fine at 3 years old and has only broken one miniature, and now he won't go near them, though he watches me paint sometimes. When we are alone at home together I usually paint for an hour or so here and there and play with him the rest of the time.

As far as actual gaming, it is usually after he goes to bed til whenever, and then I'm a crabass the following day.

As a lot have said, to start with you'll have zero time and zero energy even if you do have any cash. Expect to drop out of any hobbies for a year or two. Then when you try and get back in you realize a lot of your friends also have kids now. Getting together becomes much harder to organize.

But then, as they get older, they start getting excited by some of these games. My two, 10 and 8 are both into 40K. My 8 year old lets his imagination make up the rules, but the 10 year old has patience, wants to learn, and has been doing a pretty good job with painting.

So yes, it puts you on hold for a while, but it is so worth it.