Manliest Tank in the Universe

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**MrMoustaffa**

Alright, obviously the Leman Russ is the manliest tank in the Universe. A main gun that takes up almost the entire turret. Insanely tough to crack armor not because it's top of the line, but because they bolted on so much friggin armor that the front of tank alone weighs almost as much as a house. The size of a house because low profiles are for cowardly pointy ears, I want a tank the size of a monster truck. Gas? What is that? I'm sorry, my tank runs on Beer and whatever this grease we scraped off the bottom of the treads is. I think it used to be a chaos champion. Artificial Intelligence? Well we have a guy with binoculars who points at crap with a sword that he wants dead. Oh, you've perfected your design over thousands of years? That's cool. We've been using the same tank for 10,000 years because if it ain't broke, why fix it? Hell, it wasn't even a tank to begin with, we just took a scary looking tractor and started strapping guns and armor to it. That's right, your filthy xenos go karts you call "tanks" are getting ripped apart by tractors with a cannon bolted to the top.

Go ahead Dakka, tell me there is a manlier tank than the Leman Russ. You weedy xenos are welcome to try, but I'm pretty sure your inferior minds cannot handle the glory that is the Leman Russ Main Fething Battle tank.

Use whatever logic you want. You obviously will never top the glorious badassery that is the Leman Russ.

**Void__Dragon**

How are you defining "tank"?

**Paitryn**

and the baneblade would be less manlier how?

**MrMoustaffa**

Void__Dragon wrote:
How are you defining "tank"?

Anything with a gun and armor on it. Feel free to come up with whatever ridiculous reasons you wish to justify your "reasoning". Eldar tanks, ork tanks, space marine tanks, etc. etc. As long as it has a gun on it and can't get killed by a lasgun, we'll let it be called a tank for the purposes of this.

And no, I'm not drunk, just wanted to start a fun thread for guys to talk tanks and have some laughs.

As for the baneblade, that thing aint made out of a friggin tractor. -20 manly tank points.

**BryllCream**

Exalted. Then I remembered the Baneblade.

The baneblade is basically 4 Leman Russes strapped together, except it's even more badass than that.

**TheCustomLime**

Paitryn wrote:
and the baneblade would be less manlier how?

The Baneblade functions well because of it's design, not in spite of it. That makes it less manly since the LRBT tells tank designers/fans to go blow their techno mumbo jumbo out of their behind. It has destroying to do.

EDIT: And by Tank designers/fans, I mean Hunterindarkness. Your logic means nothing to the manliness of the LRBT!

**MrMoustaffa**

BryllCream wrote:
Exalted. Then I remembered the Baneblade.

The baneblade is basically 4 Leman Russes strapped together, except it's even more badass than that.

Yeah but the Imperium is actually careful with Baneblades. They like to keep them back so they don't get blown up too soon.

Leman Russes we have so many of them, throwing them at the enemy until they're buried under Leman Russes is considered a viable tactic.

"Crap, they blew up the first 50 leman Russes? Better send another 100 in."

**MarsNZ**

Baneblade has like 11 guns and in one salvo probably ejects the weight of a Russ out the barrels. Baneblade chassis' are used for Titan killer tanks.

The Russ is just the T-34 of the future, not really that badass tbh.

**purplefood**

There is only one answer.
CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

**AnomanderRake**

Manlier tanks? Hrm...Leopard IIs in the context of Wargame: European Escalation and Steam Tanks in the context of Warhammer Fantasy probably count; within Warhammer I'd say Falcons and their variants, by virtue of being less well-armored while (at least by Forge World's figures) being capable of high-altitude flight at at least 800kph. This may be a matter of personal preference, but zooming around at absurd speeds burning holes in your foe with laser cannons and dodging return fire (since a few good hits will down your vehicle) is much, much manlier than sitting in a stationary bunker shooting people with artillery shells.

**Ascalam**

Battlewagon.

It's an RV from hell. If you want a tractor with crude, greasy and loud guns on it. it beasts the Leman Russ hollow. Lemans are only good for Looted Wagons, in an Orks's mind.

How many non-apoc tanks can mount four rocket launchers (or machine guns if that's your preference), a battlecannon and a lightning-cannon that has the same odds of killing you as playing russian roulette with a rotary grenade launcher, plus a roller blade you can use to kill TITANS with?

Plus have a potential cargo capacity of 20 (less of you take the cannon)

Plus power steering and suspension do not come standard. Those are for wimps. The thing is muscled around by hand, is sure as hell not an auto-transmission and brakes only when it's out of fuel or plowed so deep into a mountain that the roof is buckling.

Plus a red one really does go faster (popular male myth that)

Only one

Best tank, not really.

Manliest? By a mile.

Plus it just plain looks beastlier

Automatically Appended Next Post:
If we allow FW, it gets Manlier.

http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/Warhammer-40000/Orks/ORK_VEHICLES/ORK-BATTLEFORTRESS.html

Redneck engineering at its best. Hell the thing can be patched together from a burning, near wrecked hulk worth a roll of duct tape and a few nails by a hamfisted auto-mechanic in mid battle, and still hold up to the best a Leman can throw out.

**Peregrine**

Really? The manliest tank in the universe isn't even a superheavy? It's a pitiful little scrap pile that would be crushed under the treads of a true tank? The real answers, in ascending order of manliness:

Stormsword. The Stormsword does not care about your building. The Stormsword does not care about your armor save. The Stormsword does not care about your "you can't fit all of us under your template" nonsense. You are simply dead.

Macharius Vulcan. Three words: Vulcan. Mega. Bolter.

Valdor. Really huge gun that your girlfriend just cheated on you for? Check. Unstable and poorly shielded reactor to leave room for a bigger gun? Check. Overloads its weapon so badly that it has a decent chance of destroying itself with every shot? Check. Looks so sexy that you cheated on your girlfriend with it? Check.

Marbo's Caestus Assault Ram. It's a flying tank that melta blasts everything in its path, rams you to death, and then deploys Marbo to finish off anything that somehow survived. Oh yes, and it was hiding right behind you the whole time.

**Greenizbest**

Superior Ork engineering wins again.

**Peregrine**

Greenizbest wrote:
Superior Ork engineering wins again.

Not bad, but it's severely hindered by the fact that it can't transport Marbo.

**Fafnir**

Peregrine wrote:
Greenizbest wrote:
Superior Ork engineering wins again.

Not bad, but it's severely hindered by the fact that it can't transport Marbo.

Apocalypse. Bam.

**Peregrine**

Fafnir wrote:
Peregrine wrote:
Greenizbest wrote:
Superior Ork engineering wins again.

Not bad, but it's severely hindered by the fact that it can't transport Marbo.

Apocalypse. Bam.

edit: it IS a transport. Huh.

**thenoobbomb**

purplefood wrote:
There is only one answer.
CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

I waited for that to show up...

**Fafnir**

Peregrine wrote:
Fafnir wrote:
Peregrine wrote:
Greenizbest wrote:
Superior Ork engineering wins again.

Not bad, but it's severely hindered by the fact that it can't transport Marbo.

Apocalypse. Bam.

edit: it IS a transport. Huh.

I have no clue about that. But worst come to worse, just stuff him in the barrel, he should fit just fine. Best of all, it allows for HIGH SPEED ARMOUR PIERCING MARBO DELIVERY.

**thenoobbomb**

I personally go for the Shadowsword/Stormlord.
It's a Baneblade, but the gun on top can't rotate.

**purplefood**

thenoobbomb wrote:
purplefood wrote:
There is only one answer.
CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

I waited for that to show up...

I'm only slightly biased...

**thenoobbomb**

purplefood wrote:
thenoobbomb wrote:
purplefood wrote:
There is only one answer.
CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

I waited for that to show up...

I'm only slightly biased...

I don't believe that. You are completely neutral on the subject of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS.

**purplefood**

thenoobbomb wrote:
purplefood wrote:
thenoobbomb wrote:
purplefood wrote:
There is only one answer.
CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

I waited for that to show up...

I'm only slightly biased...

I don't CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT that. You are completely CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT on the subject of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS.

Fixed that for you...

Automatically Appended Next Post:

MrMoustaffa wrote:
Alright, obviously the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT is the manliest tank in the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT. A main CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT that takes up almost the entire turret. Insanely tough to crack armor not because it's top of the line, but because they bolted on so much friggin CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT that the front of tank alone weighs almost as much as a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT. The size of a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT because low profiles are for cowardly pointy ears, I want a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT the size of a monster truck. Gas? What is that? I'm sorry, my CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT runs on Beer and whatever this grease we scraped off the bottom of the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT is. I think it used to be a chaos champion. Artificial Intelligence? Well we have a guy with CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT who points at crap with a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT that he wants dead. Oh, you've perfected your design over thousands of years? That's cool. We've been using the same CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT for 10,000 years because if it ain't broke, why CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT it? Hell, it wasn't even a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT to begin with, we just took a scary looking CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT and started strapping CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT and CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT to it. That's right, your filthy xenos go karts you call "tanks" are getting ripped apart by CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

Go ahead Dakka, tell me there is a manlier tank than the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT. You weedy xenos are welcome to try, but I'm pretty sure your inferior minds cannot handle the glory that is the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

Use whatever logic you want. You obviously will never top the glorious badassery that is the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

Just fixed the OP while i was there as well.

**davou**

MrMoustaffa wrote:
Alright, obviously the Leman Russ is the manliest tank in the Universe. A main gun that takes up almost the entire turret.

Bull; The vidicator wins hands down; It's a fething TankDozer. It's job is to basically crash through a wall, and then fire a cannon into the hole it made. A cannon whose explosion is big and strong enough to melt your own tank, but you dont care cause you're entire front side is covered with twelve inch thick plate of steel, and then armor behind that for good measure.

I'm fairly certain that instead of a steering wheel, you drive the vindicator with a cigar and a straight razor.

**thenoobbomb**

davou wrote:
MrMoustaffa wrote:
Alright, obviously the Leman Russ is the manliest tank in the Universe. A main gun that takes up almost the entire turret.

Bull; The vidicator wins hands down; It's a fething TankDozer. It's job is to basically crash through a wall, and then fire a cannon into the hole it made. A cannon whose explosion is big and strong enough to melt your own tank, but you dont care cause you're entire front side is covered with twelve inch thick plate of steel, and then armor behind that for good measure.

I'm fairly certain that instead of a steering wheel, you drive the vindicator with a cigar and a straight razor.

I wonder how many vindicators the Angry Marines have..
Wait. A cigar?
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

**phatonic**

ORK BATTLEFORTRESS!

**Kroothawk**

**Mahtamori**

I was going to say something clever about the Warp Hunter, but then Kroothawk went and won the thread.

**Shadox**

Normally I would say the Valdor. You know it has the most phallic gun of all 40k.

but in the last weeks that changed. Now there is the Cerberus which has 3 you heared me 3 phallic guns. The only thing that could top that would be a gigantic phallic rotary cannon!

**Trondheim**

Without a doubt this title goes to the Baneblade! Because hiding only makes you die buried under tons of rubble

**SilverMK2**

I do love the stormlord.

Being about to turn an entire section of the world into swiss cheese at the push of a button is just awesome