Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

If he's busy, I could try and have a whack at it too. I'm handy with an axe.

*tries to keep a straight face and stares at BC for an answer*

Not a knife and fork? [Innocent face]

[Unzips an upper "pocket" to reveal a small port in chest beneath greatcoat]
Occasionally folk get the side wrong and investigate my wallet. You may now have a picture as to why these are not exactly fantastic augmetics.

*Wipes dataspike with alchohol swab and inserts it into the port*

++Yep, definitely a software problem. Can you hear this?++

++If not a female officer, what was she? She did tell me to GTFO as soon as I said Hello, but...++

Is has software? I just assumed it had a small mouse turning the wheel... [Half-smile]

It's an all male regiment. That would be Geoff, sometimes Catachans are so overly steroided that they skip puberty entirely. Nobody teases him because he's also very good at knife-throwing.
Well, nobody teases him twice.

*Finishes repairs up*

Alright. I've set the vox to only recieve immediate auditory input, and have specifically blacklisted some channels such as Slaanesh Night Live. There's a toggle for blacklisted channels, so if you want to listen to propaganda, you can. I wouls advise not fething with my filter though.

Huh. I wonder why he was wearing a miniskirt, then?

...I am absolutely hopeless, aren't I.

...Thank you.

Huh. I seem to accidentally dropped a dataslate that has open access to the local defence budget and resource management. What a clumsy thing to do. [Pantomime shrug]

Any chance of adjusting it so that I don't go deaf if I turn the vox off? This is an embarrassing insight into the state of our engineering.

And I think he's trying to get out on diminished responsibility due to insanity. Got the idea from an old Terran TV broadcast.

That was the first thing I did. For some reason it saved local auditory input as a seperate channel, which I had to remove to get the blacklisting to work correctly.

*Picks up dataslate*

That is an absolutely horrifyingly large budget. It's not even divisible by five!

...Do we have a bar anywhere? I have a feeling that I am going to need a drink.

*Orders a pizza, using a portion of the defense budget*

*Protoss aircraft begin flying over, patrolling the area*

"Sorry my air forces couldn't get here to stop those Imperials earlier, they attacked our base first. We had to replace our Stargate and several Photon Cannon emplacements."

*Looks at Verviedi*

"I don't hold it against you for getting the Immortal body destroyed. I figure you have learned your lesson. Don't mess with Frank."

*a few thousand identical cubes show up*

Just ignore these.
Shh, it's my army...

A drink sounds like a good idea. [Wanders into HQ office and kicks a side panel by the desk]

We got.. Grain whiskey, Moonshine, and what again, smells like jet fuel. [Shrugs and picks up the three bottles]

[Hands two of the bottles and a glass to Verviedi] Your choice.
[Lights a smoke, uncorks the third bottle and puts a straw in it] [Considers] [Takes off hat and puts it under bed for safety]

 Selym wrote:

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

 Selym wrote:
Damnit!
It took me all of the last twelve minutes to make that!

12 minutes is only 12 minutes.

It's delayed my next project by 12 minutes. My progress is an exponential growth. A 12 minute setback can cost centuries in the long run.
Got that antimatter back though. And I'm starting to figure out how Shazo managed to do that...

Rests head on one bunched claw, "Oh? do tell!" snaps the other fingers and the anti-matter is now a bowl of petunias, the bowl of petunias is thinking to itself, "Oh no, not again!"

[Looks at bottle] [Looks at giant dragon] [Looks back at bottle]
[Carefully puts it down and goes to bed]

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Looks at bottle] [Looks at giant dragon] [Looks back at bottle]
[Carefully puts it down and goes to bed]

"Well, I am not a figment of your imagination caused by the booze"

 shasolenzabi wrote:

 Selym wrote:

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

 Selym wrote:
Damnit!
It took me all of the last twelve minutes to make that!

12 minutes is only 12 minutes.

It's delayed my next project by 12 minutes. My progress is an exponential growth. A 12 minute setback can cost centuries in the long run.
Got that antimatter back though. And I'm starting to figure out how Shazo managed to do that...

Rests head on one bunched claw, "Oh? do tell!" snaps the other fingers and the anti-matter is now a bowl of petunias, the bowl of petunias is thinking to itself, "Oh no, not again!"

Er...
Mirrors?

*Takes a shot of whiskey*

You know, this reminds me of the time I got drunk and ordered the single most suspicious thing ever.

 Verviedi wrote:
*Takes a shot of whiskey*

You know, this reminds me of the time I got drunk and ordered the single most suspicious thing ever.

*raises a metaphorical eyebrow*

*Kroot return from the war spheres looking exhausted and slightly bloody*

By the looks of it the Knarloc pens are done. Good job fellas, you've earned a rest. Oh, and I hope everyone here isn't opposed to some, erm, terraforming. Or, more accurately, Pech-forming.

*Stands up*

...Not simulating a hangover would be cheating, oh god...

Why simulate a hangover, SYL?

I need to simulate damn near everything that would normally be biologically provided, and there's no reason to be able to drink loads without a hangover. I suppose it makes me more human.

*Holds head*

Goddammnnnn....

Sorry, Verviedi. I thought you were SYL.

[Appears from barracks, yawning and carrying coffee] Crazy dream that I got fired and betrayed my principles...

[Looks around] ... [Hangs head and sits down quietly]

Oh look! A commissar!

*shoots BC*

OOC: I'm trying to be in character.

*Is somewhat alert and not hungover*

Principles? What principles?

[Sips drink] You know, the whole Suffer not the alien, the mutant, the-" [Coffee cup explodes]
[Squeaks loudly] [Looks down at hole in torso] That's quite impressive.
[Looks at blood sprayed across sofa] Huh.

Oh come on! And he stopped trying to kill people too!

WHAT THE FETH?!

*Drags BC into cover behind a steel table and inspects the wound*

...Friendship feels an awful lot similar to war, except I'm not shooting back.
I guess at least it wasn't my own side this time.

[Arrives still riding the jeep]
Hi people! Turns out Russia isn't dead, just much smaller than I remembered, and the actual Czar isnt called Czar, they call him President, he gets a very bad rap around Europe but Vlad is a really nice guy, sadly all my generals are dead, and Vlad said he couldn't spare anything, sad, but I understand he needs everything to recover the old Russian Empire.

where did the dragon come from?

[notices BC bleeding on the floor]
Hey, that wasn't nice you horrible green man!

[suddenly Kaptin becomes the center of a focalised snowstorm, his body entering hibernation]
Oh, seems I forgot about General Winter, the single most successful Russian General

[kneels next to BC]
Well, I actually never took formal medicine classes but I guess we should extract the bullet and clean the wound, any expert? Machine guy? blue drunken peasant?
I don't want to be trapped here without any other real, not insane human, damnit!

Well, the good news is that your lungs stopped the bullet. The bad news is that I need to remove the bullet manually, with a knife.

...I'll go find some painkillers.