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 Verviedi wrote:
...Hey, BC. Turn off your vox. Maybe they'll think you're dead and stop shelling!

If I turn off the vox, I'm completely deaf... [Rubs back of neck] Nobody really thought that one through. It would also mean they're trying to shell me.

...

[Switches off hearing unit] [Shelling ceases after five minutes]

[Signs]: Did it stop?

*Walks in*

Jesus when did it start raining explosive shells!

*Pulls out small computer and clicks a series of buttons... Around the room nuclear silos open up and launch 12 ICBM at the incoming artillery, a couple minutes later the earth shakes and the artillery stops*

No body go over there for the next thousand years... and nobody question me about those nuclear silos...

++It stopped. You may reenable vox.++

[Looks rather troubled] [Flicks catch] I guess "expendable resource" works both ways, huh.

[Climbs out and starts shifting rubble off the Butter Tank] ...Thanks. [Tanks shakes like a dog and sends debris everywhere]

[Looks at Frank] ... [Considerers asking] ... [Shrugs]

Hey, guys, I've invented ICBM's!
By copying Frank!
They use antimatter though.
Probably won't wanna touch those.

After eating parts of the old commisar's original body and deathclaws, wouldn't I have built up a tolerance to radiation to a certain degree?

Probably, but antimatter cares not.
It's literally anti-you. And anti-me. Anti-everything, really.

"Anti-matter? oh we cannot have the children playing with that!"
clicks his claws together to snap like fingers as a gesture, they make sparks, and the anti-matter is now replaced with play-dough.

"There, now you kids can play safely!"

Damnit!
It took me all of the last twelve minutes to make that!

Wait who was bombing us?

The Imperium was bombing the area because we failed to wipe out.. well.. anyone. [Picks invisible grains off jacket sleeve]
Apparently that's quite embarrassing and they don't like their mistakes walking around talking about it afterwards.

In other news I might be technically dead, now? I think that means I'm off the pay-roll.

 Selym wrote:
Damnit!
It took me all of the last twelve minutes to make that!

12 minutes is only 12 minutes.

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

 Selym wrote:
Damnit!
It took me all of the last twelve minutes to make that!

12 minutes is only 12 minutes.

It's delayed my next project by 12 minutes. My progress is an exponential growth. A 12 minute setback can cost centuries in the long run.
Got that antimatter back though. And I'm starting to figure out how Shazo managed to do that...

So, now that the Imperium clearly has stopped paying you....

Friends?

*Dataspike emerges from shoulder*

So, my funding is cut off too?

Verviedi wrote:Friends?

*Dataspike emerges from shoulder*

... I'm unfamiliar with how this works.

What is that?

2BlackJack1 wrote:So, my funding is cut off too?

[Pulls out dataslate] ...Nope, apparently you're still good. I'd make the most of it, get those knarloc pens finished. [Fiddles] I can apparently still sign off on funding. Emperor bless the Administratum, apparently they don't have time to waste expunging the signatures of the dead from their system. I suppose that actually makes sense in some way.

... [Flicks through a few pages] Ah. Apparently our little tea-time chat was reported and thus flagged me up as a traitor as well as a failure.
How about that. [Leans on tank]

It means you don't try to kill me. You're supposed to shake the dataspike, I think that's how you signify friendship.

...The last guy let me plug it into his neck and fix his psychological problems.

Well, I guess I have something to thank your Imperium for then.

[To nearby Kroot] Hey guys, get working, improve everything! The Imperium's buying!

*Another cheer goes up from the Kroot*

[Looks slightly confused] I think most people use their hands. But I guess that’s fine too.
[Extends hand] On the understanding that should I be deemed not-dead, I’ll probably have to go back to doing at least some of my job…

His neck? Oh, you mean like a data port? Mine’s uh, not there. It’s nearer the more important bionic for speed of maintenance. [Points to chest] Being that I sort of sound like a squeaky toy and then die if it stops functioning for too long…

*Notes the location of the data port*

Wait, why? What augmetic do you have that makes you squeaky and dead?*

[Coughs and keeps hand extended] You going to leave me hanging, here?

And lung... Lungs? I'm not entirely use if replacing both with one unit makes it plural or not... [Muses]
It also squeaks if I get hit or squeezed suddenly in the torso, it's pretty embarrassing.

...So what does an unemployed sociopath do to fill the day?

Oh, right!

*Shakes hand with dataspike*

Well, the last guy sold hats and had a relationship with a Daemonette. I'm guessing that's a bit too... heretical for you.

Well, I sort of just optimize and augment my body in my spare time.

I build things!

And occasionally blow myself up.

*shrugs*

I mostly sit around and eat the other inhabitants' lost limbs. Don't worry, you should start donating to the cause soon enough as well. Come to think of it, who haven't I had a meal from?

Hmm, so far I think it's Zerg, Co'tor, the dragon, Aldo, and maybe Frank. I can't remember. I'm slacking, this list is far too long.

... I sort of wish I hadn't asked, now.

[Squints at Blackjack] Is that some kind of joke? I'm already one limb down on everyone else.

I don't even know if I have hobbies. It's taking about 80% of my self restraint not to shoot anybody. [Lights smoke] ...Doesn't help that this has absolutely no effect.

Well, I've had my head shot off by a commisar once, been turned into a living bottle of scotch, been ripped apart by a super mutant patriot soldier, and have been forcefully impregnated by a xenomorph, and had that offspring burst out of my chest. After a fair share of murder by that creature, I killed it in hand to hand combat.

I consider myself one of the luckier ones here. But good for you, you lost a limb.

*pats BC on the shoulder*

Bearing in mind that humans don't as a rule, regenerate... ...After being accidentally shelled by my own forces, I had my inner ears yanked out and replaced with a two way radio that doesn't work properly. Sometimes they just start playing Imperial propaganda music and there's nothing I can do to stop it. [Distant expression]
Plus, you know, the lungs that make dog-chew-toy noises when surprised. It's very hard to be imposing when that's discovered. Sometimes the troops sneak up on me and do it on purpose.

So no, I think I'm going to find a gentler hobby. [Sits tentatively on sofa]

... ... I'm already bored.

I basically specialize in augmentation at this point. Could I take a look at them?

*Dataspike makes figure-eight motions*

Just tell me if you want me to fix anything.

*Wanders off to go chat up a female officer*

You mean I wouldn't have to wake up to Ode to Great Yarrick and Nearer my CREEEED to Thee every single morning?

I uh [looks conflicted] I'd actually be grateful for that. If it's not a trouble. [Thinks] I could also possibly find a way for us to mislay some resource materials around here..

[Looks up] ..! That isn't a female officer, that's-
...He'll figure it out.

*Walks back dejectedly*

She told me to get out of her sight as soon as she saw me...

So, where's that port? I think I need a drink.