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Granted. Everybody arrives to its performance, except Dolphins, Salmons and Killer Whales.

I wish I could play flute.

Hey that dinosaur is still needs a good home.

Granted, Tuna are some of the finest singers but they do it underwater in a way you cannot understand.

They try on land but you have to watch fish die painfully on stage.

I wish that my phone had a larger memory.

Granted, it's larger, but not noticeably so.

I wish for the immediate re-education of all excessive internet white knights.

Granted. We now teach them to identify as Taldeer.

I wish that I had a watermelon to eat.

Granted. The watermelon is laced with lethal neurotoxin, because of that comment you made.

I wish for access to SCP-914.

Granted. You have access to a my little pony, care bear alliance story who aim to save the universe with love, cookies later corupted by a evil empire of furies who go into great detail about why Michael Jackson is the king of pop.

I wish for a cure to poison in watermelon.

Granted. But which melon?

I wish to sleep at night for a change.

Granted. You now sleep for exactly 5 minutes at night and the rest is tossing, turning and thinking about why games workshop cover things in skulls and why matt ward is your one true god.

I wish that the lamp in this room was more bright.

Granted. Can you say "localized gamma ray burst"?


I wish for a time-turner.

You get a fidget spinner.

I wish for a dropship.

Granted! It is Epic40K scale and no pilots exist at that scale.

I wish my favorite restaurant wasn't always booked out 4 months in advance and only had 11pm reservations available before that period.

Granted. Your new favorite restaraunt is McDonalds.


I wish for a delicious glass of fine wine.

Granted. You stole it from a Russian billionaire. You get assassinated two days later.

I wish for HP Lovecraft to be alive again.

Granted. He is alive but not in his right mind. He keeps trying to visit you at night.

I wish to find more loud firecrackers.

Granted! Your neighbor unloads the MOAF and everything within a quarter mile is a vaporized crater and your homeowner's insurance doesn't cover MOAF damage.

I wish ticks weren't a thing.

Granted, but now the only sound clocks make is "...-tock" and the torturous, unbalanced noise causes you to go insane.


I wish that there were better, more competent people standing for the Uk elections

Granted! Donald Trump is, unfortunately for those of us on this side of the pond, tied up as POTUS and unable to run for office in the UK and by comparison, anybody and I mean anybody, seems better and more competent by comparison.

I wish ticks weren't a thing...the tiny, parasitic insect.

Granted. There now each 10m long and the size of dinosaurs and grow plasma cannons out there backs powerful as tank guns.

Thay also think you make a great lunch...

...

I wish that the white house was blue and purple because white is a boring colour.

Granted. Trump orders a rehab that includes a really grest color scheme. But then, since its the white house, it's repainted white again.

I wish for more beer.

Granted. But it's Coors Light. The beer is so watery and weak that you never feel intoxicated but you constantly have to pee.


I wish I knew then what I know now.

Granted you now know every single time you went for a poo with encyclopedic knowledge of colour, consistency and dietary triggers.

I wish that necrons get nerfed in 8th.

Granted. A mob of angry Necron players burns down GW HQ. Nobody is ever nerfed ever again.

I wish for an absolutely compelling voice.

Granted. You are the spokesman for Coors light.

I wish for more Moosehead.

Granted. A dump truck backs up to your front door and unloads its cargo of rotting moose heads on your doorstep.


I wish for a brand new Gibson Les Paul.

Granted but it arrives broken one day outside its warranty and you get no replacement.

The shipping company also ran over your cat, and the driver had a affair with your wife.

I wish that I had the new 8th starter kit and some lovely forgeworld goodies.

Granted. Your cat quickly pawns it all for catnip.

I wish for an end to terrorism.

Granted, now all of the world is enslaved by cat overlords.

I wish I could be home now.

Granted. You need to leave again in 5 minutes.

I wish that I was stood on a nice yacht off Italian coast with good wine and a lovely lady for company.

Granted. It sinks.

I wish to find the perfect balance.

Granted, you find it on your death bed.

I wish I could live with no worries.